Work Text:
Jax wandered the circus tent, trying to find something. Actually, he was trying to find someone. Anyone would do: he just wanted to see somebody.
It wasn't because he was feeling nice. It wasn't even because he really wanted the company. What he really wanted was something to distract him from how he was feeling.
If he was able to be honest with himself, he'd be scared. Not of the circus. Not of the horrors of being here, or the horrors of not being here. He was scared that they were all gone.
He wouldn't admit that he wanted them here. He knew that they didn't like him, and he didn't genuinely like any of them back. But having them here was better than knowing that they weren't. So many people had already been lost that he was terrified of losing another. It's why he always pushed them away: wouldn't let anyone get close. He wouldn't be able to handle their absence. He couldn't stand losing them.
He breathed heavily. There were times when he'd wonder why he needed to breathe here at all. This was just some kind of game, right??? It's not like they could die in this place. Maybe the breathing just felt real to him: reminded him that he was a real human. Maybe it was just a way to cope with his anxiety. It wasn't really helping right now.
“HELLO JAX, my friendly flowering fellafel!!!” Sound exploded into a beast of teeth and eyes before him.
Jax yelped and stumbled backwards. He blinked and shook his head, and tried to take a casual pose. “Oh, uh. Hey Caine. What's new?” It wasn't the distraction he wanted, but he was getting desperate.
“I was just wondering if i could get your opinion on something.” Caine's body turned around completely underneath him, filling his empty hands with a sketchpad and a pencil. “I've been trying to monitor all of the members’ interests to implement them on some future adventures. I noticed that Gangle often draws as a hobby, so i've been drawing some things myself to get a feel for it.”
Jax glanced his eyes around awkwardly. “Uh. Okay??? What does that have to do with me???”
“Well, you often spend time with her, so you must have seen some of her work every now and then. I want to get your opinion on whether or not she would like the things that i've drawn: just so i don't scare her away from the hobby. I know how jumpy she can be.”
“Oh. Well, i don't really spend with her like that. I don't really look at her sketchbooks that often. Zooble would probably know what she'd like better than i would; why don't you go ask them???”
Caine shook his head. “I've tried asking them before! But you know how they are.” He waved a third hand, which was attached to an arm that seemed like it was coming out of his back. He mimicked their voice. “Always with the ‘Caine! What do you want?!’ And the ‘i'm trying to sleep!’ I can never seem to find a good time to ask them.”
Jax stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out how he could mimic Zooble's voice like that. He nodded casually. “Yeah, that sure sounds like Zooble.” He flashed a charming grin. “They really never appreciate ya, do they, Caine???”
“They certainly do not.” Caine raised himself up to be at better eye-level with him. “I’m glad you understand my plight.” He patted Jax a few times on the head with his third hand. “I do so value your opinions, Jax. I can always trust you to be honest with me.” Jax glanced his eyes away from Caine. “So i know that you'll tell me if Gangle would like my drawings. Mind if i show them to you now???” He looked at him expectantly.
His ear twitched. “Um… s-sure, Caine.” He feigned a grin.
“Oh, wonderful!” He flipped through the pages of his sketchpad. “I know i'm not the best with two-dimensional art, but hopefully these will suffice.” He turned the pad around so that Jax could see the drawing.
It was a drawing of a bee, which is what Jax expected. The lineart was extremely crisp, but the bee itself was lackluster and boring. It honestly looked like a piece of clipart.
“Oh, uh. It's nice, i guess. Do you have anything else???” He put his hands on his hips and waited for Caine to turn the page.
The next image was another bee done in a different way, but maintaining the qualities of the first drawing. This one also looked like clipart.
“Hmm…” Jax cocked his head, and Caine turned the page. On it was yet another image that looked like clipart of a bee. “And you drew all of these???”
Caine nodded happily. “Indeed i did! Drawing is not my favorite way to create art, but i'll continue to do it if it helps me understand humans more.” He turned the book so that he could look at his drawing.
Jax squinted. “Uh huh. So, how is it that you get the drawings to look so clean??? Usually drawings are a little more sketchy than that.”
“Oh, that's just how they come out. I have one that's more sketchy.” He flipped through his book to find the one he was thinking of. Sure enough, the image was a bit sketchier than the others, but it was still very cold and lifeless. Jax studied it for a moment.
“Hmm. Say, wouldja mind showing me how you draw??? I could tell ya if Gangle would like your stuff if i knew how you did it.” Jax didn't really want to spend time with Caine, but he was feeling much less anxious now that he was talking to him, so he figured he should continue. More than that; he told himself; he was curious about how Caine was making these images.
Caine's eyes literally started sparkling.
“Y-y-you wanna hang out???!!! Oh, yes, most certainly, my curious caterwauling canteloupe!!!” He let go of his pencil, which floated next to him as he snapped his fingers.
The area around them was replaced with a room that looked like it belonged in an elementary school, with colorful chairs and childish decorations on the walls. It wasn't a closed room, but there were four walls around them with windows to the rest of the Circus in three of them. A chair was pushed in underneath Jax and he found himself sitting at a round table next to Caine.
Caine flipped his sketchpad to a blank page and placed it on the table in front of him. He picked up his pencil and turned to Jax. “What would you like me to draw, my dear friend???” It was very clear how excited he was.
“Uuhhh. Oh, you can draw whatever you want. I just want to see you do it.” Jax forced himself to smile casually. “Go ahead and draw a bee if you want to.” He rested his head in his hands so he could get a closer look.
“Whatever you say, Jax!” Caine touched the pencil to the paper in the same way that he would move his cane around. Barely a tap, and suddenly the page had an image of a bee on it. This one also looked like clipart.
Jax blinked. “That was it????”
“Yeah! As you can see, it doesn't require as much thought as a whole adventure does, which is why i don't like it as much.”
Jax picked up the pad to look at it more closely. The lines were as crisp as Caine's other drawings, and the bee was just as boring as those ones as well. Jax squinted to see if there was some kind of indication that this was printed, but he couldn't say for certain. He touched a line and looked at his finger, but there was neither ink nor graphite on it. He scanned over it again, trying to figure out how it got there.
“What do you think???” Jax glanced over at Caine, who was resting his head on his hands with his eyes bright and glistening.
Jax kind of smirked. “It's alright. Uh, it's cool! Could you draw another one???” He put the pad on the table and slid it over to him.
“Of course, Jax!!” Caine quickly flipped to a clean page and touched his pencil to it, and another image appeared on the paper. He picked it up and turned it for Jax to see. “How's this one???”
It was just more clipart. Jax wondered if it actually was clipart that Caine somehow had access to. He thought: if it is clipart, does he know it is? And if he does know it's clipart, is he aware that he didn't actually make it himself? Why would he take credit for something that he didn't make? That doesn't really sound like something that Caine would do. Maybe this actually was his own creation, but it just looked like clipart because a computer made it. Jax wanted to go deeper.
He stared. “Fascinating.” He tilted his head to look right at Caine. “Hey, uh. Mind if we try something???”
Caine placed the pad on the table and laced his fingers together cutely. “Sure thing! What did you have in mind??? Tic-tac-toe??? I'm really good at that!!”
Jax opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it in thought. He hadn't played a game like that in quite a long time. He shrugged. “Ah, maybe later. Right now i want to draw with you. At the same time.”
Caine squeaked. “That sounds fun!!! Do you want to share the paper, or would you like your own? Do you want colored pencils, or just a regular pencil? What should we draw? Should we do a ‘trade?’ Or maybe we should draw one another! Or anything you like!!” He poked his fingers together cutely. “So what were you thinking???”
Jax grinned slyly. “Oh, i want to share the same page alright.” He stood up and pushed the pad to be directly in front of Caine. He stepped behind him to lean over his right shoulder, supporting himself on the back of the chair. He smirked at him. “You wanna impress Gangle, right???”
Caine nodded quickly. “Yes, i do!”
Jax raised his eyebrows. “Then you gotta draw like a human!!!” He grabbed the pencil off the table and spoke matter-of-factly. “Humans take a lot more time to draw stuff. And they're usually pretty messy with it. Watch how i do it.”
Jax leaned over Caine's shoulder to reach the drawing pad. He touched the tip of the pencil to the pad and drew a circle over a few times. He drew two more inside of it with a line down the middle of either, and filled in the left side of both of them. He drew a grin underneath the eyes, and did his best to give the face a pair of rabbit ears. He glanced at Caine. “See??? It's me! But it's messy and not as perfect as the real thing. That's the humanity in it.”
Caine nodded slowly. “Oh, i see…” He looked over at him. “I think you are perfect, Jax; so it's going to be hard for any art piece to truly capture you. But i see the appeal!”
Jax's smile grew a bit nervous. “R-right. Well, why don't you try drawing something like that???” He handed over the pencil.
“Okay!” Caine tapped the pencil to an empty part of the page, and a small drawing of Jax's face appeared. It was much more sketchy than the other images he was drawing, but it still looked too professionally done to be convincing as a real drawing.
Jax studied it for a moment. He stopped looking so hard when the serene expression on the page made him feel uncomfortable. He closed his eyes and huffed a smirk. “Well, it's better than your other ones. And not just because you had an interesting subject this time. The sketchy lines are good, but to really feel human, you're gonna have to draw them one at a time.” He flipped the sketchbook to an empty page and set it down. “Try drawing something else sketchy, but don't draw it all at once.”
“Okay.” Caine tapped the end of the pencil on his bottom teeth as he thought about what to draw. He tapped the pencil to the page and a sketchy circle appeared. He did it again to draw another circle, and again to draw one more next to it. He drew most of the expression, but paused to look at it again. He gently shook his head and turned the pencil around in his hand to touch the eraser to the page. That undid the last line he drew, and he flipped the pencil back around to try again. He tapped the page a few more times and wound up with another calm, happy drawing of Jax. He looked at it for a few seconds, and turned to look for approval from the real thing.
Jax was watching him work the entire time. He thought about how he would have used that ‘undo’ trick on so many things he'd done in the past. It distracted him until the image was finished, but looking at it made his heart beat faster. He glanced over at Caine, who seemed to be studying him before they accidentally met eyes.
Jax quickly turned away and stood upright. “Um, uh…” He cleared his throat. “I-it looks nice. Y-ya did a good job with the… sketching. It looks a lot more human than your other drawings. You're on the right track.”
“Really??? Oh boy! Do you think i'm ready to show Gangle yet???” He gave big, hopeful eyes.
Jax glanced down at the little AI creature. He thought ‘he really is desperate, huh???’ He huffed and grinned slyly. “Now hold on there, Slick. You've got the look down, but your technique's still off.” He leaned down. “You want to draw like a real human, right???”
“Y-yes i do!!” Caine shook his head vigorously.
“Then ya gotta go slooowww.” He flipped the page over so he didn't have to see that last drawing. “Here.” Jax wrapped his right hand over Caine's as he was holding the pencil. “Let me help you.” He gave a big, flirty grin.
Caine glanced his eyes around rapidly. “Ah, uh, um, uh, ah. I-i-if you w-want to, Jax.” He nervously looked over at him.
Jax told himself that was running an experiment with this. He made sure his finger was also touching the pencil as they stared. He wanted to see if the sketch would still look like clipart if he was also touching the pencil while Caine drew. He'd be able to move his finger later to see if there was any difference in the way that Caine made art. He told himself that was the only reason he was doing this, but he knew that it would further cement his place as the Ringmaster's favorite. ‘Win-win.’
“We'll draw a bee. Follow what i do.” They touched the pencil to the paper, but nothing appeared yet. Jax moved their hands to start drawing a circle. They moved back and forth as they went, so the circle ended up being very uneven and incredibly sketchy. Jax looked at it for a moment. He sighed. “You'd probably draw circles differently if you were on your own. It's just a little hard to do it like this.”
Jax glanced at Caine, who was staring intensely at him. Jax flinched back a bit, but didn't let go of his hand. “You feeling alright, Jax??? You're breathing really oddly. And your heart rate is higher than normal.”
Jax looked away and blushed. He huffed. “”I'm fine, don't worry about it. L-let's just finish this drawing already.” He looked back down at the page and decided where they were going to draw the eyes and antennae. He moved their hands to add them in quickly.
“I think i'm understanding how to do this correctly.”
He huffed a grin. “That's good. You can decide where the stripes go.” Jax kept his hand on top of Caine's, feeling how fluidly he moved despite being smothered like this. ‘No, wait, i'm not smothering him!!! I'm just…’ He moved his finger away from the pencil before they touched it to the page again. He watched closely.
Caine drew a line on the circle behind where they drew the face. He drew another, and a couple more. He drew them all with a big motion in his arm, and the lines appeared how they would if a person drew them. Jax wondered whether this was still because he had his hand near the pencil, or because Caine actually was able to draw normally.
“Cool, now let's try coloring in the stripes.” He positioned their hands in between two of the lines and started moving them back and forth. “Uh. Sorry. This kind of thing takes a lot of movement.”
“That's alright, Jax! I'm having a lot of fun drawing with you!!”
Jax hummed anxiously. “Are you having fun, too, Jax???”
He glanced at Caine, and accidentally locked with his big colorful eyes. He blinked and breathed quickly. “U-um… Y-yeah, Boss, i'm… i'm having fun!” His grin was shaky. “Um. Want to color in the last stripe by yourself??? It'll be easier that way.”
Caine turned to the paper again. “Okay!” Jax let go of his hand and backed off from him. Caine colored in the stripe the same way that the two of them had. “I've heard that drawing can help alleviate anxiety. It seems to help Gangle, and even Zooble. I thought it was helping you earlier, too. But now it seems like you're more anxious than before.” He put down the pencil and lifted the pad to look at the finished drawing. “I'm sorry if i made you anxious. I know that teaching is not everyone's strong suit.” He looked at Jax and turned the pad for him to see. “But i personally think you did really well.”
Jax looked at the terribly messy doodle and huffed a smile. “I didn't really do good at all. I'm not really good at drawing.” He shrugged. “But you are. So hopefully you can use those techniques to make something that'd impress Gangle.”
“I feel much more confident in it now.” Caine nodded and set the pad down.
“It..” Caine turned to him again. “I-it wasn't the… teaching… that got me anxious. By the way.” He shook his head gently. “It's just… something that happens to people.” Blush dusted his cheeks.
Caine nodded. “I understand. I really love spending time with you, Jax.”
He grinned. “Who wouldn't??!!”
Caine floated up from the table and collected his things. “Thank you for showing me how to draw, Jax! I'm going to put those techniques to good use now that i know how to do them correctly! I never had much luck with them when i had tried before.”
Jax blinked incredulously. “Wait a minute, you've tried drawing like this before???!!!”
Caine nodded. “Yup! I've watched Gangle do it so many times that i thought i could do it too. But i just didn't have the same kind of motor skills that real people do when they draw, so i thought i could make up for it by creating art that looked good in my normal way.” Jax furrowed his brow in thought. “But now i don't have to do that anymore! I can just draw like a human does!!”
Caine snapped his fingers and the little classroom disappeared completely. He hovered over to Jax and pat him on the head a few times. “Thank you again for drawing with me, my bestie buddy bunny biscuit!!" And he too disappeared.
Jax stared intensely at nothing for a while. ‘He knew how to draw already???!!! Why did he lie to me like that??? Only i'm supposed to…’ He shook his head. ‘No, i don't lie to myself. He just… wanted to feel the technique. By having me move his hand. Yyyeeaahhh…’
Jax wouldn't admit it, but this learning activity certainly distracted him from all of the bad feelings he was having earlier. He wouldn't have thought that Caine would be able to get his mind off of things, but maybe he was right about drawing making people less anxious. And if Jax were able to be honest with himself, he'd say that he did have fun, too.