Chapter Text
Kingsman had been Harry’s life for decades and while he didn’t always approve of everything Kingsman did, he had never hated the organisation as much as he did at this moment. A Kingsman follows orders and has to trust that those orders are based on the best available information and have been thought through, but here Harry was, about to fill an order that was based on the worst decision Kingsman ever made.
Eggsy would not be a Kingsman. Despite being a capable candidate and successfully killing the man behind V-Day, despite figuring out that Valentine had had Arthur in his pocket, despite having proven himself to be twice the man most Kingsman agents were, rules were still rules. Eggsy didn’t pass the final test and he would not be a part of Kingsman in any capacity.
Harry had come back from Kentucky, alive by some miracle and ready to beg for Eggsy’s forgiveness, to find that Eggsy had already forgiven him. Wrecked by guilt regardless, Harry had fought for Eggsy, getting into heated arguments with his colleagues, ready to burn bridges left and right, talking to the heads of other Kingsman divisions and departments, trying to find a place for Eggsy in the organization. Merlin and Lancelot supported his cause, as did some others, but most knights, including Bors, who had been promoted to Arthur’s position, made their position very clear: rules were rules and in place for a reason. Eggsy couldn’t follow orders and shoot the dog, he hadn’t realised that the bullets were blanks, was he really ready to be a Kingsman? Yes! Harry had wanted to scream. How could they not see that?
The worst part was that while Harry had been trying to talk some sense into his colleagues, Eggsy had been left in the dark, waiting for the verdict for over a month. All he knew was what Harry could tell him, that Merlin and Lancelot were on his side and that Statesman would be happy to accept him if Arthur allowed it, that Arthur was still reluctant. Eggsy put on a brave face and Harry’s heart broke a little more every time Eggsy smiled and said, ‘’He’ll come around, yeah?’’, voice wavering just a little.
It all came to a head in April, when Arthur called a meeting to discuss Kingsman’s future plans. The organisation would be operating at minimum capacity until they had repaired all damages done by V-Day, which meant training two new knights and recruiting new supporting staff. ‘’Which brings us to the matter of Gary Unwin,’’ said Arthur, looking pointedly at Harry. ‘’We have been stalling the matter for a month now and it’s time to end it. Galahad, while your lobbying has been admirable, I’m afraid that my original decision stands; he will not be a part of Kingsman.’’
‘’With all due respect, Arthur, it’s a mistake. You have a trained candidate who has proven himself to be capable, whose only failure stemmed from the fact that his orders were given by someone who actively antagonised him throughout his training, while his competition had the advantage of receiving orders from a trusted party, and you’re refusing to welcome him to your ranks, even though you’re missing two knights and various other staff members. I respect tradition, but willing to change to keep up with the times is essential for an organisation’s survival.’’ Harry’s voice had a hard edge to it and he could barely stop himself from hurling his glass at Arthur.
Arthur regarded him over his glasses for a moment. ‘’Be that as it may, Galahad, Kingsman has made its decision. His memory needs to be wiped. I trust you are up to the task?’’
Harry felt his blood run cold. He opened his mouth to tell Arthur where he could shove his task, but Arthur stopped him. ‘’While Unwin won’t find a place here at Kingsman, he is the son of a former recruit and as such was entitled to a favour, which he used to get out of an arrest, after which you nominated him as your candidate for the position of Lancelot, Galahad. Kingsman is offering him a flat and a monthly allowance for the next two years. When he wakes up after you’ve erased his memory, he’ll find that he called in that favour to receive the flat and the allowance. If he really is as capable a man as you claim him to be, he will find a way to make something of himself.’’
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‘’So this is it, yeah?’’ Eggsy asked as he surveyed his new flat. ‘’Nice of them, I guess.’’
Harry had told him that Kingsman has given him a flat and allowance, but that he wouldn’t be a knight. He hadn’t told him the worst part yet.
‘’Arthur thinks that you’ll find a way to make something of yourself, Eggsy. Even without Kingsman.’’
Eggsy snorted. ‘’And what about you, Harry?’’
‘’It’s probably the only thing we agree on. You’re capable and smart, willing to work hard… You’ll be fine.’’
‘’I kind of thought that I’d be making something of myself as a Kingsman,’’ said Eggsy quietly. He turned to Harry. ‘’You were the first one to ever believe in me, y’know, the first to give me half a chance. Worked so hard to make you proud – ‘’
‘’Eggsy, you must know – ‘’
‘’No, lemme finish, Harry. At first I thought it was just mentor worship, that I was just crushing because you paid attention to me. Imagined us kicking arse together in the field. But then I sort of realised that it’s not just about wanting to make you proud, it was about wanting you. I – I love you, Harry.’’
Harry was taken aback. He had been in love with Eggsy since he annihilated his competition in the marksmanship training, and he, too, had imagined them as partners, perhaps in more than one sense of the word. For a moment he considered saying that, but in an hour, Eggsy wouldn’t remember a thing anyway. It was easier for Harry if he didn’t voice his feelings.
Still, it was cruel for both of them. It was cruel of Harry to give Eggsy a chance and then take it all away; it was cruel of Eggsy to confess his love for Harry right before he had to wipe his memory. But then again, he didn’t know.
‘’Eggsy, I – I have to tell you something. All – all failed candidates must have their memory wiped.’’
‘’Oh.’’ The look of betrayal on Eggsy’s face broke Harry’s heart. He wanted to gather him in his arms and confess his love and make it all right. But perhaps this was better. Eggsy could start over again, he wouldn’t remember. Harry, however, would be stuck with the memory of this day for the rest of his life. Maybe this was his penance for the things he had said before Kentucky.
‘’I’m sorry.’’
‘’No, I get it. Can’t have me going around with the secret spy shit in my noggin, yeah? Guess you’ll be doing it?’’
Harry nodded.
‘’I wouldn’t have anyone else taking my memory, anyway. Makes sense that it all begins and ends with you, yeah?’’
‘’Eggsy, I want you to know that I am proud of you.’’ Harry took a deep breath and raised his left hand to prime the amnesia dart. ‘’Do you want to do this now?’’
Eggsy took a deep breath. ‘’No point in delaying the inevitable, is there? Go ahead, Harry. I’d say, ‘’see you around’’, but I guess I won’t remember what you look like.’’ Eggsy’s eyes were full of sorrow. ‘’I mean it, I love you.’’
Please don’t keep repeating that, Harry thought. ‘’Take a seat, Eggsy, you’ll collapse when the – when the dart hits you.’’
‘’Yeah, yeah.’’ Eggsy sat down on the couch. ‘’Alright, let’s do it. Best of luck, yeah.’’
‘’Best of luck, Eggsy.’’ Eggsy closed his eyes as Harry aimed at his neck and released the dart. It embedded itself neatly into the side of Eggsy’s neck and the boy sagged to his side, face going slack. It hurt just as much as the look of betrayal from earlier and the defeated acceptance that followed.
Harry found a blanket in one of the bedrooms and brought it into the living room. Gently, he plucked the dart from Eggsy’s skin and pushed him down into a lying position before covering him with the blanket. When Eggsy wakes up, he won’t remember anything about Harry or Kingsman, all he knows is that he called in his mysterious favour and received a flat and an allowance for his family. He will chalk his trouble remembering anything from the past few months up to the effects of V-Day.
Unable to resist, Harry leaned down and kissed his forehead. ‘’I love you, too, Eggsy,’’ he whispered.
‘’You alright, Harry?’’ asked Merlin’s voice in his ear after he had closed the door behind him and effectively walked out of Eggsy’s life.
‘’I’m signing off for today,’’ said Harry in lieu of answer.
That night, Harry mourned the loss of an excellent agent; the loss of trust, Eggsy’s look of betrayal burned on his retinas; and most of all, the loss of Eggsy, his brilliance and unwavering loyalty.