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"There's just one more thing," the man sitting across from him says, looking up from Dan’s application form.
"What is it?"
"Well so I assume it's not gonna be much of an issue for you but I'm uh ... I'm gay?"
"Oh," Dan is a bit taken aback at first, though he recovers fairly quickly, "That's cool," he says, truthfully.
Phil relaxes noticeably in his chair, he'd clearly been worried about Dan’s reaction. “I just thought you should know in case i bring any guys home. Or a guy, rather, I mean I’m not gonna bring a whole group and have like an orgy…”
“Phil-”
“Actually my sex life isn’t that interesting, I might not even bring anyone home but-”
“PHIL,” Dan has to raise his voice to get him to stop rambling. “Relax, it’s alright.”
Phil stops and smiles, “okay, cool. Good. So uh- I’ll see you Thursday then, yeah?”
“See you Thursday.” Dan gets up and walks towards the front door, casting one last glance over at the older guy before walking outside.
He is actually looking forward to living with Phil, he seems pretty cool and in the few conversations they’ve had together so far he’s gotten the impression that their interests are fairly similar.
Yeah, he thinks, this will be good.
Three days later Dan is again stood in the London flat, only this time he’s surrounded by boxes and feels a lot less optimistic. He’s still excited about the new living arrangements, but after a full day of moving, the knowledge that he has to unpack all his stuff makes him regret every life decision he has ever made.
“Do you need some help?” Dan is dragged back to reality by Phil’s voice, sounding rather amused.
“Huh?”
“You look a bit overwhelmed, we could order pizza and then I’ll help you unpack?”
“Phil, I fucking love you,” Dan replies, chuckling, and lifts one of the boxes off the floor. “I’ll start carrying these to my room and then you can order the pizza?”
“Sounds like a plan.” Phil smiles and reaches for his phone.
The pizza arrives after about half an hour, just as they finish unpacking the first box. Phil pays the delivery boy - with his own money as he refused to let Dan spend as much as a penny - and brings the food upstairs, figuring they’d eat as they work.
“So,” Phil says as Dan opens the next box. “Tell me something about yourself.”
“Like what?” Dan asks, looking up from the newly opened box.
“Like anything, if we’re gonna be living together I’d like to know more about you.” Phil picks up a plushie from the box and holds it up, “what’s the story behind this?”
Dan laughs and grabs the plushie, placing it on top of his wardrobe. “There’s no story, I won it for my girlfriend in one of those claw crane machine things.”
“That is a story,” Phil says, smiling. “If you won it for your girlfriend then why is it here?”
“She kinda threw it at me as I left her house after we broke up.”
“Oh. I’m sorry?”
“Nothing to be sorry about, it wasn’t the most passionate of relationships. I like the plushie though, so i kept it.”
“Is it like a reminder not to put up with things that don’t make you happy?”
Dan stops, looking up at Phil. “Uh. What?”
“If she threw the plushie at you I’m assuming you were the one who broke it off, and there must have been a reason for that, right?”
“Well, yeah, she cheated on me, but-”
“There you go! Whenever you look at the plushie you’re reminded of a time you did something you maybe didn’t want to, but knew you had to in order to be happy.”
“That’s … a lot deeper than I’ve ever thought about it but I uh. I guess?”
Phil grins, looking very pleased at himself for his analysis of some random teddybear. Dan looks at him and shakes his head in disbelief.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit odd?”
“All the time,” Phil says and then he giggles , like a little kid, except somehow it doesn’t seem out of place for him. “I usually take it as a compliment.”
A few months pass, and living with Phil couldn’t be better. They have the same taste in TV and films, and although Phil isn’t into all the music Dan listens to, they do have quite a few favourite bands in common.
When Dan had first responded to a stranger’s roommate ad, he figured they’d be more like acquaintances living together; making their own dinner and exchanging pleasantries now and then. However as it happens they had quickly become good friends, and more often than not they eat their meals together.
On this particular day, Phil had woken him up to make pancakes because ‘ it’s Saturday and you can’t have Saturday without pancakes!’
So here they are, in the kitchen making pancakes. Except, they’re not really making pancakes as much as thoroughly destroying the room. The batter has found its way out of the bowl and all over the counter. Long story short, Phil had attempted to use an electric mixer and it didn’t go well.
“You really suck at this cooking thing,” Dan says, laughing at Phil’s defeated expression.
“And you haven’t exactly been much help,” Phil replies. “Besides, it’s the thought that counts and all that.”
“You just keep telling yourself that.”
Then, without warning, Phil lifts the mixer from the bowl again and presses the on button, causing a shower of batter to rain over Dan.
“Oh, my God, Phil! ” Dan quickly dips his finger into the batter and smears it on Phil’s cheek in revenge.
“Jokes on you, now I look like I’m wearing some epic war paint,” Phil says, before he coats his entire hand in batter and playfully smacks Dan’s ass.
“Messing up my jeans is a low blow!” Dan says, after the initial shock.
Phil just shrugs. “What can I say, it’s a good ass.”
Dan laughs. They do this a lot, jokingly flirt with each other. If he’s being honest Dan kind of loves it. It’s nothing serious, Phil knows he’s straight, and the way he flirts is clearly just banter, but it gives Dan an odd sense of comfort to be close enough to somebody that they can joke around without it being weird.
All in all this roommate thing is working out quite nicely. But of course, because the universe seems to hate him, something has to go wrong sooner or later.
One day when Dan comes home from the gym - after exercising, obviously, not just quickly signing a year long membership he’ll probably never use before getting intimidated by the very buff guys lifting weights who could all probably kill dan with one finger, thus prompting him to postpone his dream of getting ripped and instead leaving as soon as possible - he finds Phil on the sofa in their lounge. Horizontal. With another man.
Dan freezes in the doorway. He knows he should leave, or at least say something to let them know he’s here, but his legs are glued to the floor and his tongue has stopped working. Phil and the guy are heavily making out, neither of them are wearing shirts and the stranger is slowly moving his hands over Phil’s chest. Suddenly, Phil lets out a loud moan, and evidently that’s what Dan needed to wake up from his frozen state. He lets out a surprised ‘oh!’ and as much as he wish they hadn’t, both Phil and the guy hear him.
“Um,” Dan begins as he steps back from the door, frantically searching for words.
“Dan! I didn’t think you’d be home yet.”
“I’m so sorry, I- I’m just gonna, um- go.” Dan quickly walks towards his room and closes the door behind him, leaving a very flustered Phil on the couch.
Alone in his room, Dan paces back and forth. What the fuck just happened? It’s not so much the fact that he walked in on Phil with a guy, it’s how it made him feel. He feels sick. Like he might throw up at any moment. Why? He’s walked in on his parents before, and though that experience ranks as one of his top 10 least pleasant moments it didn’t make him feel physically ill . Then, a thought strikes him. Is it because Phil was with a guy ?
Dan can’t recall ever having had anything against gay people, and though he was surprised when Phil said he was gay he never thought anything negative of it. However as he unwillingly replays the scene he’d just witnessed, he can’t help but feel highly uncomfortable by it, and if it’s not the idea of walking in on someone itself then what else can it be?
Confused, and frankly quite disappointed in himself, he goes to bed and falls into an uneasy sleep.
When he wakes up the next morning, it’s due to a knock on his bedroom door. Unsurprisingly when the door opens it’s Phil, looking rather embarrassed.
“Hey… Did i wake you?”
“Yeah, but that’s okay. What’s up?” Dan knows what’s up, of course he does, but he asks anyway.
“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for last night, I really thought you’d be gone longer.”
“It’s fine,” Dan says.
It isn’t.
“Are you sure?”
No.
“Well I wasn’t exactly expecting to walk in on you getting down and dirty so I was a bit surprised, but really - it’s okay.”
Lies.
Phil doesn’t seem convinced, but he lets it slide and leaves the room, probably to eat breakfast.
Dan tries to go back to sleep but soon realises it’s not gonna happen and gets out of bed. He doesn’t particularly want to have breakfast with Phil, in fear of having to continue the conversation about last night’s awkward encounter, and so he decides to wait until he’s certain Phil is done in the kitchen. Unfortunately this also gives him an unwanted opportunity to ponder his feelings about what happened. Why is he making such a big deal out of this? He’s had gay friends before. Well, one gay friend… Okay he had a gay classmate who he occasionally talked to, but he’d never had any issues with him.
But you never saw that guy with a boyfriend an unwanted voice in his head reasons.
“That’s irrelevant!” Dan exclaims to the empty room, before silently cursing himself and hoping Phil didn’t hear his outburst.
You’re being ridiculous, he thinks to himself, careful not to speak out loud this time to save himself from further embarrassment. If he really does have a problem with Phil being gay, he’ll just have to get the fuck over it.
And he does.
That is, he thinks he has. Until the next time he encounters one of Phil’s dates.
When Phil said his sex life isn’t that interesting he wasn’t lying, it takes almost two months before Dan once again wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole. This time he comes home from a weekend spent in Wokingham with his family just as a tall, blonde guy he’s never seen before is about to leave.
“Oh, hello!” The stranger smiles and holds out his hand, seemingly for Dan to shake. “I’m Nathan.”
Dan ignores the hand. He’s too busy staring at the telling bruises on Nathan’s neck, unable to keep his mind from imagining how they got there. After about a minute of awkward silence, Phil walks out into the hall, typing something on his phone and therefore not noticing Dan’s presence right away.
“So I’ll call you, yeah? I just saved your-” Phil looks up, finally spotting his roommate. “Dan! Welcome back, did you have a good weekend?”
Dan shrugs.
“Uh, so this is Nathan,” Phil begins, though apparently he’s struggling to figure out what to say next because what follows is just another awkward silence. Incidentally this is when Dan decides to finally chime in.
“So i hear,” he says, not meeting his friend’s eyes. He knows that he’s being an asshole, but the second he walked through the door and realised what Phil had been up to in his absence something just snapped. That was all it took for the time and effort he’d spent convincing himself he was perfectly okay with Phil’s love life to lose its worth. Phil furrows his brows and Dan knows he’s about to get a well deserved berating.
“Right, well, I’m gonna uh...I’ll just go.” Nathan doesn’t wait for a response and is out the door before either of them can say a word. The second the door slams, Phil takes a step towards Dan, his expression dangerously similar to that of someone about to commit murder.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don’t-” Dan begins, but Phil interrupts him.
“Don’t you dare say that you don’t know! If you’re gonna be a dick, at least pretend to have a reason for it.”
“I just...” Dan tries again, but this time he trails off by himself. I just feel bad because the very thought of you hooking up with a guy makes me feel uncomfortable and frankly downright disgusted , he thinks to himself, inwardly shuddering at how horrible it sounds.
“You just what?” Phil pushes. And then, as if he’s read Dan’s mind he asks “Do you have a problem with me sleeping with other guys?”
Fuck.
“What? Of course not, I don’t give a shit who you hook up with!” Dan doesn’t mean for it to come out that harshly, and it does nothing to calm Phil down. If anything it makes him even more upset, Dan notices, slightly confused at this development.
“You know what, I’m just gonna go stay with Nathan,” Phil says and grabs his jacket, walking past Dan who’s still stood in the middle of the room.
“But I got back early to go to the cinema tonight because you wanted to!”
“Yeah, well, now you won’t have to.” Phil walks past him and opens the door. “Just to be clear,” he says, his back turned, “you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as it’s not here?”
Dan tries his best to sound nonchalant when he replies, “It’s none of my business what you do elsewhere, knock yourself out.”
The door slams. Dan feels sick.
He fucked up, God he fucked up. There was absolutely no valid reason for him to be rude to Phil, not to mention poor Nathan, and yet…
Several hours pass and Phil doesn’t return. I guess he was serious about staying the night with Nathan then , Dan thinks, and as soon as he does that familiar nauseous feeling returns. He can’t help but picture the two of them in bed together, naked and sweaty, moans filling the air. Already the first hour he tried drowning his sorrows in alcohol, but all he could find in the flat was a quarter bottle of wine which he drank in one go with very limited effects.
Usually if he doesn’t know what to do he’ll just google it, but something tells him the search results for ‘help i’m a homophobe’ may not be particularly helpful. An obvious solution would be to talk to somebody, but if he’s being honest the entire thing is just really embarrassing. Who does he know that has experience in awkward topics and who won’t judge him for it?
Then it hits him. Louise .
Dan had met Louise during his limited time at uni, and though they don’t meet up as often as they used to she’s still one of his best friends.
She picks up on the second ring, clearly not any more busy than Dan,
“S’up. This is Henry from last night, did I leave my pants at your house?” he opens in the deepest voice he can possibly manage.
“You know, you should probably block your number before attempting to prank call people,” Louise laughs into the phone. “And his name was George, if you must know.”
“No way! Louise has a lovelife, who would’ve thought.”
“Shut up, Howell. Why are you calling, anyway? Shouldn’t you be watching movies with your new BFF?”
“Hey, you know it’s not like that-” Dan begins, but Louise laughs and interrupts him.
“Oh relax, I’m perfectly content being replaced by your cute roommate.”
“Cute?”
“Don’t even pretend like you haven’t noticed.”
Dan rolls his eyes, even though he’s aware Louise can’t actually see him.
“Speaking of, how is Phil?” She continues before Dan can conjure up an appropriate response.
“Well, uh, that’s kinda what I’m calling about-” he begins, hesitating.
“...Yes?” Louise says after several seconds of silence.
“Promise you won’t judge?”
“I will promise no such thing,” she replies, but he can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s joking.
“Alright, here it goes-”
He tells her everything, about how great living with Phil was in the beginning - although she’d already heard that part a million times before - and then how weird it had gotten lately. He talks about how he walked in on Phil with that stranger a couple of months ago, then Nathan and how rude he’d been to him.
“-and then I told Phil I don’t give a fuck who he sleeps with outside of our flat, but that just made him even more upset! He didn’t even say goodbye, just slammed the door and left. That was nearly four hours ago and he doesn’t seem to be coming home any time soon so I guess he really is staying with Nathan or something.” He stops, finally, and takes a deep breath. He must have been rambling for ages.
He’s expecting Louise to say something, but all he hears is silence.
“Hello?”
He hears a sigh on the other end. Then, “you really are an idiot, Dan Howell.”
“You weren’t supposed to judge!” He says, but she ignores him.
“So what you’re saying is that you don’t like Phil being intimate with other guys, and your natural deduction is that you’re homophobic?”
Dan hesitates. When she says it like that it does sound stupid, he must admit.
“During all this freaking out,” Louise continues, “did it ever occur to you that what you’re feeling might just be jealousy?”
“Well yeah, I thought about that, but it’s not like I never have sex either, why would I be jealous of Phil?”
“No, you doofus, I mean you’re jealous of the other guys. Nathan and...whatshisface.”
Oh. Oh.
“You haven't even considered the possibility, have you?” Louise’s voice is amused but considerate.
“I’m not… I don’t… I-” Dan’s head is filled with different thoughts and questions all battling for attention, effectively resulting in none of them being uttered.
“Alright,” Louise says, “close your eyes.”
He’s not entirely sure what’s going on, but any excuse to hand the thinking over to someone else is very welcome and so he does as she says.
“Are they closed?”
“Yep.”
“Okay, now, picture yourself kissing some girl.”
“What, why?”
“Just do it.”
He realises there is no point in arguing and goes along with it.
“How is it?” she asks.
“It’s…nice? I guess.” In a way it is, too. He’s always enjoyed kissing, and though it makes him feel like he’s 13 years old again, picturing kissing a pretty girl is definitely not something he dislikes.
“Now picture kissing a guy.” Louise’s strange request breaks his fantasy, but before he can say anything she continues, “don’t question it, just let your mind run free.”
And so he does. This picture is a lot more difficult to maintain than the last one. He struggles to concentrate, and it’s less of a coherent fantasy and more like a distant idea he can’t fully grasp.
“Well?”
“It’s...weird. I don’t feel ill like when i walked in on Phil with that guy, but I don’t feel anything else either.”
“I have one more.” Louise sounds hesitant, as if she knows he won’t like this next proposal. “Imagine you’re kissing Phil .”
He doesn’t even bother protesting. If he’s being honest he did sort of see it coming, though the idea still makes him feel highly awkward.
Here goes nothing he thinks, and lets his mind run wild. The Phil in his head is walking towards him, as smiley as ever. He stops in front of him and hesitates for a second before moving his hand to rest on Dan’s hip, then gently cups his face with the other. He moves in slowly and lightly presses his lips to Dan’s, who sighs and parts his lips slightly, inviting the other to explore his mouth. However, just as they really start getting into it Dan is torn away by a loud cough.
“Huh?” he opens his eyes and looks around the empty room before he remembers he’s on the phone. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh . What the hell just happened?”
“What do you mean? I just did what you told me to”
“I told you to picture yourself kissing Phil, not passionately making love to him.”
“I didn’t!”
“Dan, you moaned.”
Dan’s face goes deep red and he can only thank any possible higher power that there isn’t anyone in the room to witness it.
Louise laughs. “Well, it seems like you have no problem with Phil kissing guys if it’s you he’s kissing.”
Dan almost smiles at her words, but any hints of said smile vanishes from his face when he remembers Phil wouldn’t actually kiss him, ever.
“God, Louise, what the fuck do I do?” He sighs and sinks deeper into the sofa cushions.
“I suggest you make out with Phil and live happily ever after.”
“Yeah, see, there’s a gaping hole in that plan. Phil doesn’t like me in that way!”
“Dan… are you blind and deaf or are you just simply an idiot?”
“Huh?”
“Phil is so obviously into you! Didn’t you say he got upset when you said you don’t care who he sleeps with?”
“Well, yeah, but-”
“And doesn’t he flirt with you like all the time?”
“That’s just for fun! It’s not like he means it.”
“Is it though?”
“I mean…I think it is. Oh God, what if it isn’t?”
On one hand the thought of Phil liking him back fills Dan with so much joy he could barely contain himself, but on the other it scares him half to death. Not only has he never been with a guy before, but Phil is one of his best friends and the thought of fucking that up terrifies him.
“Dan?” Louise’s voice is quiet and careful, as if she’s afraid she’ll scare him. “If you want my advice I say take some time, think everything over and then if you decide to tell Phil I will be here cheering you on.”
“And if I decide not to?”
“I’ll still be cheering you on, just with less enthusiasm.”
Dan chuckles. “Thanks. I love you, did you know that?”
“I’ve always suspected. Goodbye and good luck!”
“Bye.”
The next few days are agonising . His newly discovered crush ends up staying at his boyfriend-or-fuckbuddy-or-whatever’s house for three days, leaving Dan to re-think his decision over and over until he’s certain he will actually go insane. At first he decides not to do anything and just hope the crush will disappear on its own. Then, four hours and a fair amount of alcohol later, he changes his mind and suddenly telling Phil seems like the best idea anyone has ever had. It’s a good thing he didn’t charge his phone after the long chat with Louise because he tries his best to drunk dial the man in question, but the battery dies before any harm is caused.
By the time Phil finally arrives back at the apartment Dan has been back and forth so many times he’s given himself whiplash. In the end, though, he decided not to tell Phil. It’s not worth it, he thinks. Our existing friendship is more valuable than my need to snog him.
And if a little voice in the back of his head is yelling bullshit! at his claims, he is skilfully ignoring it.
A week passes and Dan is frustrated.
Then another week and Dan is in agony.
Being around Phil before he realised his feelings was bad enough, but now it’s downright torturous. More than once he finds himself staring at Phil’s lips as he speaks, or follow his hand as he raises it to brush his fringe out of his eyes or scratch his jaw or fuck knows what else.
Phil hasn’t brought up their argument, nor the cause for it, since it happened and Dan is more than happy to pretend it never happened. Nathan hasn’t been around since that day and Phil hasn’t been outside enough for Dan to suspect they’ve met anywhere else, and although he knows it’s selfish he can’t help but hope it will stay that way.
It doesn’t, of course.
“Hey, Dan, have you seen my phone?”
Dan looks up from his laptop screen to see Phil standing in the doorway of the lounge, looking mildly stressed. He chuckles at his flatmate’s expression and ponders the question for a few seconds.
“Have you checked the bathroom?” he says, finally. “I’m not entirely sure but I think I may have seen it in there earlier.”
Phil walks away and half a minute later Dan hears a triumphant “ Hah!” coming from the bathroom, making him chuckle.
“It’s been missing for hours,” Phil says as he reenters the lounge and falls down on the sofa next to Dan. “Two missed calls from my mum, several snapchat notifications and- oh.”
“What?” Dan asks, confused.
“Uh, it’s nothing, nevermind.” Phil smiles at him, but contrary to popular belief Dan isn’t a complete idiot, and keeps pushing.
“Come on. Is there anything wrong?”
“No, it’s just… Nathan texted me?” It’s not a question, but the nervousness in Phil’s voice makes it sound like one, as if he’s unsure whether he’s allowed to receive texts from boys. Fuck, that makes Dan feel like a shitty person.
“Oh.”
“He’s asking if I want to go out for a drink tonight.”
“Oh,” Dan says again. “Are you going?”
Phil shifts uncomfortably in his seat, clearly conflicted. “I want to, but I don’t wanna make things awkward between us again so if it bothers you for whatever reason I won’t.”
Dan wants nothing more than to tell Phil not to go, to beg him never to see Nathan - or anyone else, for that matter - ever again.
But of course he doesn’t do that. He can’t. He has no right to decide over Phil’s life, and in the end he truly does want Phil to be happy.
“You should go,” he says, finally.
“Really?” Phil sounds excited.
“Sure.”
“You’re the best,” Phil says and gives him a quick hug before getting up.
By the time Dan recovers, Phil is gone and Dan can hear him rummaging around in the bathroom, presumably getting ready for his date. With Nathan. Phil is going on a date with Nathan.
Dan feels sick. It’s the same feeling he got when he first met Nathan and realised what he and Phil had been up to, except this time he recognises it and knows what caused it. Jealousy. He is so jealous he wants to scream . He might have done it as well, if it wasn’t for Phil being able to hear him.
And so he settles for crying. He gets up and all but runs to his room, closing the door behind him before he falls into his bed and sobs into his pillow. It’s pathetic, he knows it is, but right now he has no idea what else to do. He cries until he can’t anymore, and ends up just laying there, staring up into nothing.
That’s when he sees it. On the top of his closet; the stupid plushie he’d won for his girlfriend. God, that felt like so long ago now. He can’t even remember the day he got it, only her angry cries as she threw it at him after he broke up with her. No, wait… He remembers one more thing. He remembers Phil picking it up and asking for the story behind it. He remembers him analysing it, saying it reminded Dan to do whatever it takes to be happy. He remembers his giggle when Dan called him weird.
And suddenly Dan knows exactly what he needs to do.
Before he can change his mind he hurries out of bed, rips his door open and runs down the hall. Please dear God tell me he hasn't left yet, he thinks, as he all but trips down the stairs. And for once in his life the luck is on his side because there, looking both confused and concerned, is Phil. He's wearing a coat and is clearly on his way out, but Dan has already decided that Phil's date is cancelled. Sorry Nathan.
"Dan, what-" Phil begins, but Dan cuts him off.
"Do you have any idea how annoying you are?"
"I-" Phil tries again, to no avail.
"My life was going great! Well, perhaps not great, but it was fine. It was calm, and I had everything more or less figured out."
For the third time, Phil opens his mouth to say something.
"But then!" Dan exclaims before he can utter as much as a syllable. "But then. Then you came along. With your stories and opinions and unique way of thinking that I could probably listen to for hours on end. And your hair is neat and never curls and somehow you can dye it an emo black well into your twenties and still look good. And then you started bringing guys home and I felt so awful and I didn’t understand why and I was sure I’d somehow become homophobic."
The confused look on Phil's face is replaced by an amused smile, and this time he doesn't even try to interrupt Dan's rant.
"And you giggle ! You giggle like a five year old and it's annoying and adorable and I just want to kiss that stupid grin off your face."
"Then go for it."
"Huh?"
"Kiss the stupid grin off my face. I dare you."
And so he does. In two short steps Dan reaches Phil and he doesn't give himself as much as a second to think before grabbing the front of the other's jacket and pulling him in. Their lips meet, and suddenly nothing else matters. Dan doesn't care about his newfound sexuality crisis, all he cares about is Phil's lips and how smooth they are against his own chapped ones. Phil grabs Dan’s waist with one hand and pulls him closer, then moves the other to the back of his neck and tilts his head before he tentatively flicks his tongue over Dan’s bottom lip. Dan can’t help but moan, and doesn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed before Phil takes advantage of his parted lips and deepens the kiss and then Dan is gone.
They kiss for what feels like hours. Dan is pressed up against the wall and Phil’s coat has long since been discarded, allowing the younger to roam his hands under his shirt and feel the warm skin of his back.
“Wait, shit, Dan I-” Phil pulls back, sweaty and out of breath, and rests his forehead against Dan’s.
Dan wants nothing more than to ignore him and just keep kissing, but he knows better than to force himself on him. “What’s wrong?” he asks instead.
“Nothing’s wrong, I just um-” he nods down, and Dan follows the motion, instantly realising what he’s getting at.
“Oh.” Phil’s jeans are tight, and even in the dim light of the hallway he can clearly see the bulge forming underneath them.
“I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for, so we should probably stop before things escalate.”
Dan goes quiet for a moment, still lightly stroking Phil’s back with his thumb as he thinks. He is already in way over his head, and he has no idea how to proceed with getting intimate with another man, yet there is still a voice in his head telling him to just do it . Phil definitely isn’t the only one who’s gotten worked up over their current situation, and although he could always retreat to his room for a wank, something tells him it would be a disappointing high.
Deciding that this truly is the day for trying new things, Dan takes a deep breath and looks Phil straight in the eye as he slides his hand from his back and towards the bulge in his jeans. He moves slowly, making sure Phil knows exactly what he’s doing and has the opportunity to stop him if he wants to. He doesn’t, and Dan takes it as permission to continue. Phil gasps as Dan suddenly presses his hand against his crotch, beginning to palm him over his jeans. Dan smirks as he feels Phil grow impossibly harder under his touch, noting how his breath catches when Dan slowly pulls down his zipper.
“Can I?” Dan asks, though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer already.
“God, yes,” Phil replies, and Dan wastes no time before pulling his jeans down over his hips, immediately resuming his previous actions. Now that the jeans are gone he can feel the shape of Phil’s length through the thin fabric of his boxers. Phil moans and God the knowledge that Dan is the reason for these noises is intoxicating.
In the midst of his desire to please Phil he has completely forgotten about his own hard-on, and so when Phil suddenly reaches out to undo Dan’s own trousers it takes him a second to understand what is happening.
“I’ve got an idea,” Phil says, fingers toying with the waistband of his jeans. “Do you trust me?”
Without even thinking, Dan replies “Completely,” and Phil pecks his lips before promptly pulling down his jeans. He then steps out of his own and discard them completely, motioning for Dan to do the same.
Once they’re both stripped down to their underwear, Phil pulls Dan in for a heated kiss that leaves him weak in the knees. As their lips and tongues move together, Phil moves both of his hands to Dan’s backside and, without warning, grabs his ass. Then, as if that wasn’t enough to send Dan’s head spinning, he pulls him impossibly closer and rolls his hips into the younger man’s, causing their erections to rub together and making them both moan into each other’s mouths.
“Fuck, shit, shit, fuck!” Dan desperately clutches Phil’s shirt as they continue to move together, the thinking part of his brain having long since stopped working.
“How very articulate,” Phil teases, though the moan he lets out just afterwards makes it clear he’s just as far gone as Dan.
Dan moves his hands back to their previous spot under Phil’s shirt, desperate to feel more of his soft skin beneath his fingers. Taking the hint, Phil hastily removes the shirt completely, allowing Dan’s hands to roam even further. Whilst Dan is occupied with exploring every part of his body, Phil takes the opportunity to back him up against the wall once again. He then lowers his mouth to Dan’s neck and starts sucking and biting slightly at the skin there. This, paired with a particularly well aimed roll of his hips, makes Dan moan louder than he think he ever has, and if his brain was in a normal working state he’d no doubt be embarrassed.
“I’m ah- I’m close,” Dan manages, barely.
Phil stops.
He fucking stops.
“Phil! ” Dan whines, trying his best to roll his hips into Phil’s again but he just steps back. Dan is just about to take matters into his own hands - literally - and jerk himself off, when Phil falls to his knees in front of him and oh. Oh.
Without a word, Phil pulls down Dan’s boxers, and just the sight of Phil’s mouth that close to his cock is enough to make Dan moan again. When Phil then licks a stripe from his base to his tip, Dan is certain he’s going to literally fall apart. This is proved even more likely when Phil wraps his lips around the head of his cock and starts sucking lightly, teasingly flicking his tongue over the tip. Just as Dan is about to tell Phil to please oh please hurry the fuck up, he takes his entire length into his mouth and holy shit does he even have a gag reflex?
Once again Dan warns Phil that he’s about to come, and Phil looks up at him through his lashes as he pulls his own cock out of his boxers and starts stroking himself as he takes Dan all the way down again. The tip of his cock hitting the back of Phil’s throat combined with the look on Phil’s face as he chases his own orgasm is enough to send Dan over the edge. He cries out as he comes, unable to keep his hips from bucking into Phil’s mouth as the older man swallows around him, not spilling a single drop.
Dan sinks down the wall, unable to keep himself standing any longer. In fact, he can’t see himself standing up ever again if he’s being honest. Phil wipes his own cum on his previously discarded jeans before turning back to Dan, who can’t help but run his hand through the ruffled black hair. He pulls Phil closer and their lips meet as Dan ignores the voice in his head reminding him that the lips he’s kissing were around his cock only two minutes ago.
“So,” Phil says as they pull apart for air. “What’s the verdict?”
“Huh?” Dan asks, confused.
“Well, are you homophobic or..?”
“Oh, shut up.”
Phil just giggles and pulls Dan in for another kiss.