Chapter Text
After he exhausted himself screaming into empty air, Jamil sat down on the cold floor, staring blankly at the bathroom mirror. He had no idea what do with himself now. He couldn’t just go back in that room. Going back would mean pretending he was feeling fine again when he really wasn’t. Jamil had thoroughly dropped his mask in front of the others and the idea of acting so calm and politely distant again made him shudder. Acting like he wasn’t affected by what Azul said back there took everything he had as it was. Hanging on to his composure for all this time after watching his future self get kidnapped and brought to STYX wore him out and now Jamil no longer felt like doing anything.
Jamil tensed up instinctively when the bathroom door was pushed open.
‘Oh. It’s you.’ Jamil said when Leona stepped through.
‘Hey,’ Leona greeted, in an entirely too casual tone.
‘What are you doing here?’ Jamil asked, biting back an annoyed sigh.
‘Didn’t want to leave you alone.’ Leona shrugged, sitting down beside him.
‘I’m fine.’ Jamil frowned.
‘No you’re not. Don’t lie.’ Leona said knowingly.
Jamil clenched his fists. Why couldn’t this prince just leave him be, like the others had?
‘What do you want from me?’ he asked.
‘Don’t start bottling things up again. You know it’s a bad idea.’ Leona said.
‘What, should I go back in there and scream at Azul?’ Jamil snarked.
He could have. All too easily. So many awful, cruel responses had sprung to mind in that moment, a thousand mockeries, a million knives to cut Azul with that would make him regret ever having opened his mouth. Seeing that glimpse into Azul’s life in the Coral Sea had given Jamil all the ammunition he could ever need against him. It’d been impossibly tempting, to give that merboy a true verbal lashing, to show him what low blows really looked like. But it was just an in-the-moment impulse born of furious hurt and Jamil wasn’t like Kalim. He never gave in to impulses. He always had to think of the consequences first and these ones would cost far more than it was worth. Even with Leona, who he’d been trying to push away, Jamil knew to avoid the words that would really hurt. He wasn’t going to step over that line he’d drawn himself now.
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘I just… I don’t want to be the reason everyone starts fighting again. If I said what was true, I’d have made things worse.’ Jamil said.
‘Tell me how you’re feeling then and don’t hold back. I won’t tell anyone.’ Leona offered. ‘And you know I won’t judge.’
It did sound tempting, spilling everything here and now so he no longer felt like the truth was clawing its way out of his throat.
‘Are you sure?’ Jamil said, voice soft and hesitant.
‘Come on, just do it. You’ll feel way better.’ Leona encouraged.
‘Okay.’
Jamil took a deep breath in, then out. Then he let the dam burst.
‘I can’t believe Azul said that to me. First he’s all “oh we’re not going to blame you for reacting strongly” and now he has the nerve to say I threw hissy fits? Seriously? This coming from the one who had to see Vil nearly drown before he came up from the bottom of that stupid pond?’ Jamil hissed, nails digging harshly into his clothes. ‘I’m not even the one he was arguing with, I just tried to calm everything down and he decided to- ugh, I’m so mad! I wanted to crack and yell at him so bad, you have no idea! I had to tell myself to treat him like Kalim to get all of that nonsense I said to you out!’
Jamil stopped the angry torrent of words, breathing hard. He leaned his head on the wall.
‘…That felt good,’ he admitted.
‘Told you.’ Leona smiled.
He didn’t say anything else, just waiting until Jamil’s breathing evened out again.
‘I don’t want to go back in there tonight.’ Jamil said quietly.
Venting had released some of the frustration boiling away in his blood, but the moment he returned to where everyone else was, it’d return. Jamil didn’t want to be the mature one again yet and he’d have to be once he returned to the viewing room. He wasn’t up for that, not so soon. Jamil didn’t want to help sort out everyone’s hurt feelings, he wanted to be distracted from his own. Wasn’t it okay for him to be selfish too, just while he was staying in this place White had made for them?
‘You don’t have to. You’re the one who said we should stop watching for now. I think we’ve all spent a little too much time together anyway. There’s a lot of space in here for you to stay by yourself, you don’t have cramp up with everyone.’ Leona told him.
‘What if I don’t want to be alone?’ Jamil said, heart hammering in his chest. What was he doing? What if this was a mistake?
His words clearly took Leona by surprise.
‘Are you saying… you want to hang out with me?’ Leona questioned, eyebrows raised.
‘Yeah, why not?’ Jamil, faking nonchalance. ‘I’m too mean and I’m too smart, you’re the only one who can handle both. Cause I don’t really feel like being playing nice with anyone right now. Or are you too chicken… Leona?’
Leona’s eyes widened. A grin slowly spread over his face, wide and feral.
‘Oh I’m going to make you regret saying that!’ he laughed.
The anxious knot in Jamil’s chest melted away like magic.
‘What do you want to do?’ Leona asked.
‘Punch something,’ he answered unhesitatingly.
Leona’s tail swished back and forth behind him, his eyes alight with excitement. He sprung up from the floor.
‘I thought you’d say that.’
He offered Jamil a hand.
Jamil took it, allowing himself to helped up.
‘Come on, I want to show you how I get out my aggression when I’m at home.’ Leona said, not letting go of his hand.
He pulled Jamil out of the bathroom and Jamil ran behind him. One of them was still a prince and one was still a servant, but he could let that go for now. While they were here, trapped away from the rest of the world, he could live out a fantasy where he and the boy he’d grown to admire could be just Jamil and Leona.
Would it really be that bad, to allow himself to play with him, like he wanted to so badly all this time?