Alastor The Cereal Killer
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Alastor The Cereal Killer Episode 1: Have a Monster for Breakfast Today! by TeslapunkTickTockEyes
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
21 Apr 2026
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Summary
Thanks to Lucifer's addiction to sugar and rubber-duck-themed box prizes, Hell is overrun by a cartel of obnoxiously powerful cereal mascot overlords, and when his toddler gets kidnapped by Count Chocula and the gang right before Halloween, he realizes that things have gotten way out of hand and he needs to hire an expert.
He needs an expert at killing cereal mascots who is also an expert at solving cereal-box brainteasers to help with rescuing Charlie from this ensemble of sugar-coated cartoon villains.And of course, the guy he hires is the one who he heard was "Earth's finest cereal killer".
The pilot 'episode' and Halloween special of the series "Alastor the Cereal Killer", a crack AU in which a freshly harvested Alastor is immediately appointed to be Lucifer's and Lilith's executioner, chiefly to take care of their mascot problem.
Stay tuned - your childhood favorite could be next!Series
- Part 1 of Alastor The Cereal Killer
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Alastor the Cereal Killer SHORTS: Forbidden Froot Loop by TeslapunkTickTockEyes
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
17 Jan 2026
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Summary
Alastor (from the crack Cereal Killer AU) walks Charlie home from preschool and while discussing her preschool art project Alastor ends up going off on a slightly age-inappropriate philosophical/meta tangent. A slice-of-life short filler installment of the series "Alastor the Cereal Killer" that also works as stand-alone content.
Series
- Part 2 of Alastor The Cereal Killer
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Alastor the Cereal Killer SHORTS: Cuckoo for Cocoa Loops! by TeslapunkTickTockEyes
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
14 Feb 2026
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Summary
On Valentine's Day, after a night of listening to Lucifer's unhinged yapping about his theories and headcanons about Toucan Sam and Sonny the Cuckoo Bird being a gay couple, Alastor finds a naughty story that Lucifer wrote titled "One Flew into the Cuckoo Bird's Nest, or The Creation of Cocoa Loops" under the pen name "The_Real_Devil_69_666" about his two favorite avian cereal mascots - a forbidden romance between rival cereal heirs in a human AU:
Sam Kellogg, a Brazilian accountant with a big nose, is seme and institutionalized addict Sonny Mills is uke - following their noses to make sweet munchy crunchy chocolatey coco-fruitti love while Sonny's fiancée the Hershey heiress watches.
Alastor thinks it's HILARIOUS - the cultural inaccuracies, the stereotypes about non-pansexuals (oligosexuals?) from Lucifer's high-and-mighty angelic pansexuality-gatekeeping point of view, and the accidental ethnic coding of the two humanized lovebirds - he's a little grossed out but from his point of view it's just surrealistic toilet humor.Series
- Part 3 of Alastor The Cereal Killer
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Alastor The Cereal Killer SHORTS: Donut Hellhole Geometry by TeslapunkTickTockEyes
Fandoms: Hazbin Hotel (Cartoon)
14 Mar 2026
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Summary
Alastor tapes insulting doodle-notes onto the cereal box for Lucifer's new favorite cereal, Apple Jacks Glazed Donut Holes, making fun of it for printing an incorrect math equation (for torus surface area) on the back of the box!
Oh the horror!
Oh the non-existent humanity!
What has Hell come to that we can't even count on the packaging for our breakfast cereal to feed us a diet free of misinformation anymore?!
I mean if you can't trust the back of a cereal box, then what can you trust?Two grown men have a pretentious ass argument over whether a donut or a donut hole has a greater glaze to dough ratio.
Series
- Part 4 of Alastor The Cereal Killer