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So you take all of that… everything, all of that Stede-ness, and you add eight extra limbs-slash-dicks into the equation? Well, that would be enough to make anyone lose their fucking mind, as far as Ed is concerned, never mind whatever mystery goo has got him feeling like he’s about to go fizzing off into the sky like a firework—and liable to explode like one too, if Stede doesn’t get fucking moving.
- Language:
- English
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- 14,535
- Chapters:
- 1/1
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- 1
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Bookmarked by Addie__joy
30 Mar 2026
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There’s a mermaid sofa in the middle of Anne and Mary’s antique slash furniture slash Whatever The Fuck You Could Ever Possibly Need shop, and Ed is freaking the fuck out.
Or: Ed gets railed on the ACNH mermaid sofa.
Bookmarked by Addie__joy
30 Mar 2026
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Yeah, Ed was content with this fate. With being entirely at Stede’s mercy for the entire night, helpless to do anything but take what he’s given in a bar full of people, unable to make even a single noise so no one knows he’s being painstakingly taken apart with his husband at the controls.
Sounds like the perfect way to die.
Or: Stede buys Ed a remote controlled vibrator.
Bookmarked by Addie__joy
30 Mar 2026
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Was there a plan here? Did Stede think he never wanted to fuck again? Because Ed definitely wanted to fuck again. Like, a lot.
And now they were here, at the inn, alone. The Revenge had sailed off into a buttery marmalade sunset with the whole crew, so it was just the two of them (and assorted small animals in varying stages of decomposition) in their perfect, partially collapsed new home.
Ed was trying very hard not to think of it as a wedding night.
Especially since it wasn’t one.
Like, at all. They were not married. Not even close! And Stede knew pirate marriages existed—between all mix of genders. They’d just been to one. So if he wanted to be gay pirate married to Ed, he’d have said something.
**
It's Ed and Stede's first night at the inn together, and as usual Ed is feeling super normal about it.
Bookmarked by Addie__joy
30 Mar 2026
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It was like a bolt of lightning straight down Ed’s spine. Or a swath of fire right beneath his feet. Or a hungry hand right atop his crotch—
Nope. Nope nope nope. Blocking that one right the fuck out. The situation was serious. It was serious. It wasn’t the time for…for…
“The fuck did you just say to me?” hissed the guest.
“I don’t think I need to repeat myself,” Stede said, in his…
In his Captain Voice.
Ed and Stede face a nasty guest at their inn, and while Stede takes control of the situation, Ed very quickly wishes Stede would do the same to him.
Written for Day 23 of OFMD Kinktober: "Are you going to be good for me?"
Series
- Part 1 of Front of House Shenanigans
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,886
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 63
- Kudos:
- 204
- Bookmarks:
- 28
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- 1,860
Bookmarked by Addie__joy
30 Mar 2026
