BOBABAE
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
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- 7,351
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Bookmarked by BOBABAE
29 Dec 2025
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“You tell her you love her every day, and you make the world better for both of you. It needs to be, you know, if you’re going live in it together.”
Bookmarked by BOBABAE
17 Dec 2025
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Text me: 450-318-9924
“Oh, for the love of all that is green and good,” she mutters. A quick hand and a flick of the wrist is all it will take to toss the cup into the trash as she makes her way back to her desk. Really – that’s all she’d need.
Reflex, is what she’ll call it later – the thing that makes her tuck the cup closer to her chest, just under her arm, protecting it from herself.
Well, she thinks. It couldn’t hurt to think on it.
or: the boring coffee shop/domestic AU that no one wanted, but is getting anyway
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,922
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 65
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- 4,620
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- 635
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- 36,502
Bookmarked by BOBABAE
16 Dec 2025
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“What does your mom look like?”
Nick doesn’t stop rocking his chair back and forth as he signs off on a few arrests. “A fox.”
Bookmarked by BOBABAE
16 Dec 2025
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“Impressive, isn’t it?” Stu adjusts his suspenders. “Two hundred kids and not a single Nick or Nicky in the bunch. Like we were just waitin’ for you.”
or: nick meets the family
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,896
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 98
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- 10,123
- Bookmarks:
- 1,468
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- 98,681
Bookmarked by BOBABAE
16 Dec 2025