DeliciouslyImpetuous
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Summary
It’s 2008 and Draco Malfoy is a secret assassin. It's legitimate - he gets paid for it, and some higher ups in the Ministry (probably?) know he’s out there… killing people. He’s quite good, but that tracks with his dubious accounting of rights and wrongs and his penchant for self-preservation. During his downtime he does a great job of acting like a pureblood in penance... mostly by drinking and shagging his way into oblivion.
This double life helps to numb Draco to the constant feelings of shame and guilt from his formative years in which he was an utter cunt- but everything is upended when his team (assassins can have coworkers, alright?) dies in action and he does not. Suspended and forced to go to therapy, Draco is adrift.
When Hermione Granger re-enters the fray, their hateful relationship that was once fraught with swotty bickering (erm, and the occasional slur) is suddenly tense in a very different way.
How will these two come together? How often will Theo say something terribly charming? Do we hate Ron or is Ron just, meh? Oh, and what’s going on with that one murderous witch who’s out to kill them all (forgot to mention that part…)?
Find out all this and more in: A HARD ROW TO HOE!
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 250,249
- Chapters:
- 30/30
- Collections:
- 10
- Comments:
- 2,779
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- 5,859
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Bookmarked by DeliciouslyImpetuous
10 Jan 2026
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He sighed, stirring more sugar into his tea. “Exactly how bad is this going to be, Pansy?”
There was a very long pause. “Look. Draco and I are engaged.”
“Er,” Harry said, slowly. “Congratulations? Except, um, you do know -”
Pansy glanced up, looking almost amused. “That he’s stupidly in love with Hermione?”
“I was more going to say that she was stupidly in love with him.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 80,023
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 401
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- 3,447
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Bookmarked by DeliciouslyImpetuous
18 Nov 2025
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Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, and Pansy Parkinson are forcibly paired under a reenacted marriage law, designed to combat the wizarding world’s plummeting population. Matches must consummate their unions within a year or face reassignment.
Furious at the injustice, Hermione agrees to marry Draco Malfoy, as a calculated act of rebellion, determined to expose the law’s cruelty from within. Draco, under his mother’s pressure, sees the marriage as a means to an end, a way to restore the Malfoy name and manipulate public favour by aligning with the war’s golden girl.
Ron and Pansy, unexpectedly matched and left behind, are forced into uneasy coexistence, watching the people they care for most choose strategy over sentiment.
Intentions don’t stay hidden forever. With every bitter word, every stone thrown, and every unspoken truth, each couple finds themselves inching closer to the edge, until love, loyalty, and defiance bleed into something more dangerous.This is not how you fall in love. This is how you destroy me.
Series
- Part 2 of This is How You Destroy Me
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 116,087
- Chapters:
- 26/26
- Comments:
- 2,139
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- 2,043
- Bookmarks:
- 828
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- 85,352
Bookmarked by DeliciouslyImpetuous
14 Nov 2025
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The Secret Life of Hermione Granger by swift_knight
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
05 Jan 2026
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“I’m leaving,” Hermione responded, turning on her heels and walking back the way her son had come from as she clutched him close to her chest.
The boy watched them over his mother’s shoulder, and Harry’s stomach dropped.
He had seen this blonde-haired, grey-eyed child before. One week earlier, in a picture sitting on Draco Malfoy’s desk. The same Draco Malfoy who had spent the time since the war ended living in France. And Malfoy never named his wife.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Hermione Granger married Draco fucking Malfoy and had a kid with him.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 43,406
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Comments:
- 1,883
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- 4,492
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- 1,760
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- 145,374
Bookmarked by DeliciouslyImpetuous
24 Jul 2025
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- Words:
- 352,739
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 329
Bookmarked by DeliciouslyImpetuous
18 Jul 2025