Microwavedoranges



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    Sometimes life came at you with a clenched fist and Ilya had never figured out how to duck.

    So here he was, twenty-eight years old, single, dealing with the fallout from injuries given to him by the game he loved, and the second youngest assistant coach in the league to one of the worst teams. Stability was hard to come by, but he was managing.

    Then along came Shane Hollander to knock him on his ass, one more time.

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    31 May 2026

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    “You…wanted to see me?” He asks, barely resisting a wince at how awkwardly it comes out. “After yesterday-” He stops, swallows.

    Hollander makes a face–one of Ilya’s favorite faces, in fact–that says he’s a little embarrassed about what he’s about to say. Ilya feels his chest go a little tighter, wondering if Hollander has had time to reconsider, if he’d even planned to reach out after the game, apologize for spooking and running, ask to come ba-

    “Did something…happen yesterday?” Hollander asks.

    Ilya stares at him.

    (the accident that takes shane out for the season happens the day after the tuna meltdown) (...it also takes his memory of the tuna meltdown with it)

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    28 May 2026

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    Ilya hasn’t planned on meeting Shane’s parents after only three days at the cottage. He sure as hell hasn’t planned on dying that very same day, only to wake up in his childhood home in Moscow.

    The year is 2004, he’s twelve again, and his mother is still alive.

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    25 May 2026

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    “Can’t hang out tonight, Hayd. I have plans.”

    “Bullshit,” Hayden responds. “You never have plans.”

    Objectively, this used to be true. Nowadays Shane has many, many plans, between his nightly plans to look at Ilya’s penis through Skype and his various long-term plans laid out helpfully in his notebook, Canva (For Ilya’s sake. He is a visual learner), and more recently, Excel. Shane loves that excel sheet. He’s colour coded it.

     

    In 2017, Shane Hollander spirals and proposes to his boyfriend of 4 days (or 7 years, or 9 years, or not his boyfriend at all, depending on how you look at it), which leads to a lot of plans, weird theories in the Montreal Voyageur locker room, some Twitter drama, and Ilya Rozanov entering his WAG era.

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    8/8
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    24 May 2026

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    After ignoring his phone in favor of getting split in two by his situationship, Shane is stranded in Boston at the start of the zombie apocalypse.

    Ilya is left with nowhere to go, and Shane refuses to leave him behind. In order to survive, they have to cross the Canadian border and get to the cottage, together.

    But getting to Canada is far easier said than done. When Ilya is badly injured, their road-trip becomes a race against the dead—and the infection spreading through Ilya’s leg.

    Language:
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    19 May 2026