pumpkin_badger
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Summary
When Yusami finds out she's been dropped into the Naruto universe, she doesn't know if she should feel relieved or cheated to have missed out on all of the cool ninja stuff.
"Both" she decides as she looks down at her favorite customer and wonders how she can sneak extra veggies into his bag without him noticing, "Definitely both."
Or: a self-insert becomes a simple grocer in Konohagakure and decides that if no one else is going to adopt the baby protagonist, then it's free real estate.
Featuring: a civilian woman beating Danzou at his own game, Naruto finding the love he's always deserved, and a hefty amount of ANBU operatives wondering if the Uchiha are accepting volunteers for that little coup/revolution.
Series
- Part 1 of Take This Hearth and Make a Home
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 49,842
- Chapters:
- 10/?
- Collections:
- 78
- Comments:
- 2,000
- Kudos:
- 10,495
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- 4,640
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Bookmarked by pumpkin_badger
09 Dec 2025
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Summary
Shisui wakes up in a forest.
This is concerning, since he wasn't supposed to wake up at all. Other concerning news includes an eye-stealing village elder still lurking in the shadows of Konoha, and a clan compound that has not been scrubbed enough to hide old blood, ghosts, and bones. Long-term survival seems to lie on the other end of insurmountable odds. Shisui does the math. He counts out his luck like it's made of pocket change and realizes that he has roughly a week before Danzo manages to kill him again. That's only seven days to fix everything.
It's time to speedrun a fix-it.
(I will be updating this fic with real time pacing. If Shisui is awake and stumbling his way through an attempt at fixing the nonsense he was an accidental catalyst for, a daily chapter will be posted. This will continue until he succeeds or fails through November)
Series
- Part 1 of Basaltic, Andesitic, Rhyolitic
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 89,376
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Comments:
- 118
- Kudos:
- 653
- Bookmarks:
- 229
- Hits:
- 15,352
Bookmarked by pumpkin_badger
13 Nov 2025
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"Significant pulmonary contusion and multiple rib fractures, and there's very likely a subdural hematoma in there too,” Garcia says grimly, sounding like she's citing it to herself rather than to anyone else in the room. “We’re lucky it's most probably small, but given her fluctuating GCS it still concerns me quite a bit. Also, besides the shard of metal, the bruising and swelling along her abdomen suggests the possibility of internal bleeding as well, but we need to get in the OR to fully evaluate the severity of it."
“Jesus King,” he murmurs. “You were supposed to have the day off.”
or: there's a car accident on mel's day off. she ends up at the pitt anyways.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 64,284
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 486
- Kudos:
- 5,404
- Bookmarks:
- 1,524
- Hits:
- 102,163
Bookmarked by pumpkin_badger
04 Oct 2025
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Summary
Hermione makes a Freudian slip. Lucius’s slip, on the other hand, is quite intentional.
Relations devolve, evolve, and mutate from there.
Featuring star ingredients: A frustrated (in more ways than one) Hermione Granger who is tackling the demands of being the head of the DRCMC while trying to pass meaningful creature reforms. A bored (and, perhaps, ever so slightly unhinged) Wizengamot Liaison Lucius Malfoy who decides that teasing, tormenting, and obstructing Hermione Granger is his new calling in life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 66,347
- Chapters:
- 15/15
- Comments:
- 639
- Kudos:
- 1,217
- Bookmarks:
- 329
- Hits:
- 37,163
Bookmarked by pumpkin_badger
21 May 2025
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- Words:
- 43,650
- Works:
- 17
- Bookmarks:
- 22
Bookmarked by pumpkin_badger
11 Apr 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
The horniest, most literary shit I think I've read, like ever.