sasquashed



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    Instant Kill Mode by

    Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Iron Man (Movies)  

    07 Feb 2021

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    "Is there a reason you're calling this late at night?" Tony asks, worried in spite of himself. "Tell me what's going on, kid."

    “Everything is one-hundred-percent fine,” Peter says. “Seriously, I've never been better. But I should let you know I have about thirty bricks of cocaine in my bedroom. Also, Karen won't let me turn off Instant Kill Mode. Also, Walmart discontinued my special razzleberry pink squeezy lemonade. Which isn't related to tonight's patrol, I'm just bummed about it.”
     
    Or: The five times Instant Kill Mode is activated +1

     

    *Runner-up for the Soothes the Pain Award in the Iron Dad 2021 Creators Awards.*

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    13 Mar 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

    Splitting Hairs by

    Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien  

    09 Jun 2018

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    Bilbo misinterprets some court gossip.
    He cuts his hair.
    Chaos ensues.

    Language:
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    13 Mar 2026

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    A Pretty Face by

    Fandoms: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types  

    22 Jan 2015

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    Bilbo does his best to prove that he isn't completely shallow. The Company doesn't seem convinced, for some reason.

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    12 Mar 2026

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    The Age of Miscommunication by

    Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types  

    30 Sep 2019

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    “It’s got such a presence to it, even from a distance,” Bilbo says softly, and there’s a general murmur of awed agreement from the others. “Why, in all my fifty years, I never thought I’d see such a thing, and we haven’t even arrived yet!”

    Thorin’s sword hits the ground with a clatter, and Balin chokes on his pipe.

    The hobbit doesn’t look at Thorin, too busy thumping Balin on the back. Once the dwarf seems able to breathe again, he looks up, to find thirteen wide pairs of eyes fixed on him.

    “What?” he says defensively, though he’s not sure what he’s defending.

    “You’re how old?” Kíli squeaks.

    Bilbo frowns at the young dwarf. “I’m fifty years old. Well, fifty-one, come springtime. Though it is not very polite to ask someone their age so bluntly,” he tells him primly.

    Fíli makes a choked sound, and Nori lets out a vicious string of swears in Khuzdul.

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    12 Mar 2026

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    Not Quite First Sight by

    Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types  

    20 Jan 2014

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    After a heavy dose of dwarvish medicine, Thorin falls for his intended all over again.

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    12 Mar 2026