tryingtofigurestuffout



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “The Red Hood has been good for Gotham,” Robin continued. “Crime in Park Row decreased by sixty one percent almost as soon as you showed up, and that’s even taking into account all the crime you commit. Drug overdoses have decreased by twenty two percent in adults and seventy nine percent in minors. Homeless minors are ninety two percent less likely to—”

    “Kid,” Jason interrupted. “Enough statistics. What the hell is this about?”

    Robin slowly lowered the tablet with his powerpoint presentation and looked up at Red Hood.

    “You care about Gotham,” Robin summarised. “Gotham needs Batman. Batman is missing and so is Nightwing. We need you to fill in for Batman.”

    “You want me to cover Batman’s patrols?” Jason clarified.

    “No,” Robin said. “I want you to be Batman.”

    Jason bluescreened.

     

    (Or: Batman and Nightwing mysteriously disappear before Red Hood has even started antagonising them, Robin is desperate, Gotham needs Batman, and Red Hood is Batman-Shaped.)

    Series
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    English
    Words:
    34,416
    Chapters:
    14/14
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    3,880
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    27 Jul 2025

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Griphook sighed, pulling a book from his desk.

    “After learning of your entry into the tournament, I requested the bank’s records on the rules,” he explained, flipping through the pages. “Other than death, that is.” The Goblin smirked slightly as he turned the book toward Harry.

    ‘In the event that the entered Witch/Wizard is pregnant or under a surrogacy contract said Witch/Wizard will be disqualified without risk to her/his magic or life. This clause takes place after the first insemination attempt for surrogacy-’’

    “...Are you telling me I can get pregnant?” Harry blinked in disbelief.

    -

    After his unwanted entrance into the Triwizard Tournament Harry will do anything to get out of it. Anything.

    This is a story of how one desperate attempt to get out of a contest changes the course of many peoples lives.

    Please Read the tags. Don't like, don't read.

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    English
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    64,917
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    18/?
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    990
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    05 Jul 2025

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    While suffering from his line's obsession with gold Thorin Oakenshield rashly makes an agreement with the Shire's Thain that results in him having to marry one of the hobbit's relatives.

    Needless to say he isn't pleased, but cunningly picks Bilbo Baggins to be his consort in revenge against the Thain. For his part Bilbo decides to accept the proposal, though Thorin will be quite surprised to find out why.

    Note: I have screwed around with ages, geography and timelines to suit me. You have been warned.

    Language:
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    101,680
    Chapters:
    33/33
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    1,690
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    25 Mar 2025

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi did not take Master Jinn's last rejection lying down. With the Force whispering gleefully in his ear he decided to make his own way through the wide unknown galaxy. He wasn't afraid, though. No, in fact he was a little bit excited. After all, if he didn’t want to be a farmer and couldn’t be a Jedi, maybe being a pirate was his path in life. Either way he knew he was heading for an adventure.

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    Language:
    English
    Words:
    139,806
    Chapters:
    27/27
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    27
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    01 Feb 2022

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Three weeks after the events of Civil War, a shocking headline is announced to the world. Tony Stark is missing. As the weeks go on and there is still no sign of Tony, people start to wonder if he is alive. What is found in the bunker makes this seem even more likely, can someone survive losing that much blood? The answer is no, not without intervention. Someone rescues Tony and helps heal him, and along the way, they form a relationship that might give Tony the strength to carry on.

    Language:
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    Chapters:
    8/?
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    02 Jan 2022