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"I can't help but wish you took me with you."
I
It's been four nights but it feels like much longer. Shion feels tired all day, but can't sleep when night falls; his mind is too restless to let him drift off. Between the hectic day-to-day of helping with the restoration efforts wherever he can and the many stories he has yet to tell his mother, he hardly has a moment to himself. He knows it will be like this for a while.
The city's had to go through some radical changes ever since he and Nezumi blew the Correctional Facility up. People from the slums (the few survivors) walk the streets with wide eyes and suspicious glances in every direction, while those from the higher classes poke around Lost Town and the slums with a mixture of confusion and horror on their faces. At least the bakery is still up and running though - Shion and his mother had decided that they wanted to keep it that way. Shion tries to find time to help her prepare pastries and other goods in the mornings. He gets to answer his mother's questions, spend time with her, and distract himself from the burning question at the back of his mind: where is Nezumi now?
He has daydreams that he tries to push out of his head about Nezumi wandering about in the desert, climbing mountains, crossing rivers. It hurts more to think that he is too far away to be followed by now. The whole situation and the ache of missing him are made even worse by the fact that Safu is no longer around for him to talk to.
Shion can't walk through a crowd without thinking he sees Nezumi's face somewhere among the strangers. Sometimes the illusion is strong enough that he'll even turn around and go back after what inevitably turns out to have just been a figment of his imagination, though he swears every time it isn't. Even if he knows Nezumi wouldn't leave only to return five days later, that doesn't stop him from wishing.
On the fifth night, Shion dreams vividly of Nezumi coming back to him. He wakes up alone before the sun rises, reaches out his hand, and feels cold.
II
A month and a half have passed already, starting out agonizingly slowly and only gradually picking up the pace. Shion tries not to count the days, but eventually counting becomes the easiest way to fall into a daily rhythm.
Sometimes, when he's busy helping with the efforts to rebuild and improve West Block, it feels like it will take forever before any real change will be visible. Then he leans back, looks at the work he and whoever he's with today have gotten through already, and thinks about how quickly things are actually moving already. There are several small houses standing where just a month ago, there had been little but rubble. A young woman carrying a baby in her arms opens the door to one of them and steps inside. Shion imagines her a few months back, walking through the once-filthy streets in search of some food for her child. Compared to then, her life must have surely improved by now.
It was all worth it for changes like those, he thinks.
He realizes that he’s spacing out, which people often scold him for; it always makes him think of Nezumi when they do so.
The people helping with reconstruction tend to gossip a lot. Unsurprisingly, it’s often on the topic of the future of the city. Based on what Shion's heard, there's been a growing demand for a new government to be formed. He's concerned about where it will lead. Nonetheless, he seriously doubts people would agree to live as they had before after all that had happened not even two whole months ago. Apparently the majority of people pushing for a government agree with him; the main idea seems to be that some kind of elected parliament would be the best option. He hopes it ends up working out.
In the evening he helps his mother close the bakery for the day. It's nice to have a repetitive daily task, especially if it means he gets to have a leftover pastry once in a while. He takes a bite and imagines Nezumi's surprised reaction to the sweet filling. He tries very hard not to think about how Safu would probably have loved the creamy cheesecake.
Shion meets up with Inukashi as often as he can. Initially, he'd expected them to shove the baby right back into his arms, but they seemed not to mind looking after it quite so much. The dogs like having a baby around too, apparently. He's flattered when he finds out that Inukashi named the child after him.
The two of them talk about old times, new times, and sometimes about Nezumi. Shion finds that it helps to complain about Nezumi's too-salty soup and his odd sense of humor with someone who understands, even if the complaints are only half-hearted. Inukashi knows better than to ask if Shion's doing alright. Both of them know that Shion will find a way to be alright, despite how much he misses Nezumi. Sometimes they'll make guesses about where he is now, or how much longer it'll be before he comes back. Neither of them mention the possibility that Nezumi could be dead by now - it’s a thought that’s crossed their minds, but one neither dares to linger on.
III
Exactly three months after the Holy Day, a conference is held among representatives from every possible group and district. As one of the people who took down the Correctional Facility and helped to stop the bee plague, Shion has been invited to be one of those representatives, and he has high hopes for the result of the talks. By popular demand, they've been made public. Shion thinks that's the most promising part of it all.
Karan comes along with him and sits beside him. She's formally invited due to her role in the formation of No.6, but the main reason she accepted is because the people of Lost Town are so fond of her. She wants to support them. Like her son, she hopes to push for a government that will give a voice to everyone and that will never become like the old No.6. Both of them have gone over what they want to say and how they want to say it.
What they aren't expecting is for everyone to immediately ask Shion for an account of what exactly happened the day the wall came down.
He stands up, looks at all the faces watching him, and takes a deep breath. He tells them everything, starting when everyone was rounded up in the market square. Some of the details are better off skipped (he decides), but aside from that, he keeps his story as accurate as possible. The last thing he mentions is escaping with Nezumi, whom he just refers to as 'my companion' - if Nezumi were there, he'd surely ask for Shion to do just that. Silence falls. Someone raises a hand and asks where Shion's companion is now, and Shion has to swallow around the lump in his throat. Karan puts a hand on his arm and gives him a soft smile, nodding towards his chair, so Shion sits down while she says that that's not what's most important right now.
The rest of the conference goes smoothly. Shion pushes the thought of Nezumi away in favor of following the conversation, commenting where he can. His mother's presence helps. By the time the talks come to an end, everyone has almost unanimously agreed to set up a democratic government based on elections, for which people will start running in the coming weeks. A provisional government made of volunteers will oversee them. Shion and Karan return home in high spirits.
Late that night, after his mother has gone to sleep, Shion creeps back downstairs for a cup of tea. His mind is buzzing with thoughts and he can't sleep. It feels like yesterday that Nezumi left, and Safu... He doesn't like to think about it, even now. As more time passes, it'll become easier (he hopes), so for now he'll just try to keep steering his mind away from the topic. That is, of course, easier said than done.
IV
Nearly a year has gone by already. To be more precise, 10 months and 8 days have elapsed since the last time Shion saw Nezumi - he's been keeping track. It's more of a habit at this point than anything else.
The new government is up and running by this point, and while it's obvious that the people it's made up of are largely inexperienced, they've been doing a remarkable job of keeping to the promises they made when they were elected. Thanks to their hard work in managing the rebuilding efforts, the area that used to be West Block is barely recognizable as such anymore. It's much cleaner, that's the first thing that Shion notices whenever he goes there now. People don't have to sleep in the streets or beg for food anymore; that's one of the other major things the government has been actively working on.
Kronos doesn't look like it used to either. Most of the buildings there were large and beautiful anyway, so very little had to change about them. The big difference is that it's constantly filled with people now - all kinds of people, not just the elite. Initially there had been a motion to tear down the old government buildings, but it ultimately failed. The new government had decided it would be better to reconstruct them and use them for other things, so as to avoid wasting time and resources by having to start from scratch again. Some of the bigger buildings are being turned into apartment complexes, while others are planned to be schools, university buildings, hospitals, and even shopping malls. Kronos is much livelier than it ever used to be.
Interestingly, the government's main seat isn't even in Kronos, but just on the outskirts of Lost Town, near the river. It's a humble building. The doors are always open. Much of its exterior is made of glass, to represent the transparency that the new government aims for.
Shion's life has fallen into a more regular routine. He still misses Nezumi dearly, still finds it hard not to think of him when he looks at where the high walls of the city used to be, but he's finding it much easier to cope after this much time. Missing him has become more of a dull ache than the sharp pain it had been for the first few months. During the day, he's got his work to distract him as well. Given his previous success in the field of ecology, it comes as a surprise that he doesn't pursue it as a career, but he’s decided that what he wants the most is to help shape the future in whatever small way possible. He now works for a governmental organization focusing on the reconstruction and rebuilding of West Block. It's hard but rewarding work. Lots of it is the same sort of thing he’s been doing for months, but now it’s all government-managed.
Inukashi comes by to visit him sometimes, as well as the other way around. They're a little more used to the kinds of streets that comprise Lost Town following the changes made to the slums, which certainly helps. Initially they complained a lot, but Shion is sure that they're finding the new West Block to be a great improvement (even if they won't admit it). Shion still enjoys washing the dogs whenever Inukashi gives him the chance to.
At the end of a busy day at work followed by one of Inukashi's visits, Shion sits on his bed and watches the moon through his window. The stars are coming out; if he was looking for them, he'd be able to make out some constellations. A light breeze sends goosebumps running up his arm. He hadn't even realized that he'd left the window open again, because at this point it's just another habit.
His eyes flicker to the brightest star in the sky and he finds himself wondering whether Nezumi's looking at that same star. As usual, he asks himself when Nezumi will be back.
V
The next Holy Day is celebrated in an entirely different manner. Rather than a “holiday” in the sense of a day of festivities, it's become a day to remember the past and pay respects to those who lost their lives.
Like so many others, Shion spends the day thinking about the events of the Holy Day exactly one year ago, the day when Safu died and he and Nezumi changed the course of history. There's a ceremony in the central square - people from every corner of the city are there to mourn their loved ones. The square itself is covered in rows and rows of flowers, letters, candles, photographs, and other things people have placed there. It's a colorful but somber display. Shion puts down the bouquet he got for Safu and spends a while strolling through the square.
He's supposed to head back to the bakery, but he knows that his mother will understand if he needs to take some more time to be alone. Shion walks through Lost Town to West Block, pausing to look around in the market square. From there, his feet carry him naturally to the outskirts and beyond, all the way out to the entrance to the underground room where Nezumi once lived.
Looking at it now, the memory of having lived here with him feels both very close and impossibly distant. Shion touches the hatch and wipes away some of the dust on it.
It's not the best idea he's ever had, but Shion decides to open it and look around anyway. After all, following a mouse back to Nezumi a year - no, two years by now - ago was also not exactly a rational choice, and he could never regret that. His life is on the course it’s on largely because of irrational decisions, when he thinks about it. He takes a deep breath and opens the hatch.
The underground passage is cold, a lot colder than he remembers it being. It's very dark too. He doesn't need any light though. Shion remembers this passage all too well, like the rest of it all. Minutes later, he's found his way back to the door leading to the room he hasn't seen in just over a year now, and after taking a moment to try and calm his restless nerves, he pushes it open.
Nothing has changed and everything is overwhelming.
From the dusty bookshelves to the messily arranged pillows on the couch, from the unmade sheets to the book left on the bedside table, everything is exactly how he remembers it. Shion opens his mouth, but no sound will come out save for a very soft "oh". He moves slowly, like he's underwater. Everything about this place is filled with memories. It feels like he's walking through a memory, even. He sits down on the bed and stares at everything in turn, feeling his throat close up and tears start to well in his eyes.
This place that once felt like home is now an empty shell of what it used to be, even if nothing has physically changed. Nezumi isn't around, and Shion feels it more strongly here than anywhere else. There's a sinking feeling in his chest. It's been a whole year already - a year during which No.6 has gone through the most amazing changes, none of which Nezumi has gotten to see. He can't help wishing Nezumi was beside him, or that he was by Nezumi's side. A part of him wonders what Nezumi's seeing right now; another part of him is upset that he'll most likely never see it himself, whatever it is.
Shion fixes his eyes on the couch, thinks of their first kiss, and suddenly the feeling in his chest becomes too much for him. A tear slips down his cheek. The room starts to spin out of focus so he lies down on the bed, remembering the day he woke up here with the red scar curled around his body and white hair that had once been brown. Closing his eyes, he tries to think of anything, anything else, but the memories swallow him up and replay themselves over and over.
He only realizes he’d dozed off when he wakes back up with a slight start.
A shadow is moving on the wall beside his head, so he turns quickly to see what it is. His heart practically stops as his eyes land on a little mouse, sitting by the door with a piece of paper in its mouth, made to look like a scrap of packaging paper to an unknowing onlooker. Nezumi, screams a voice in his head. Nezumi sent this guy along!
“Hey there,” says Shion gently, hearing his voice shake. He gets up and walks over to the mouse on legs made of jelly; he’s infinitely glad he left the door ajar. “Is that for me?”
The mouse stands up on its hind legs and surveys Shion, then scurries closer and drops the piece of paper on the floor in front of him. Shion all but collapses to the ground.
“Thank you,” he whispers, petting the robotic creature on the head while he unfolds the paper. Sure enough, it’s a message that’s unmistakably from Nezumi. His throat closes up again. If it was possible all along for Nezumi to send him messages, why didn’t he do it any sooner? Shion shakes his head. What he should be focusing on is the fact that Nezumi is definitely alive, and that he’s most certainly not forgotten about Shion. That knowledge alone brings a watery smile to Shion’s face. He looks at the piece of paper and starts reading.
Shion,
Traveled far, seen wastes & plains & little else. Found mountains last week; am exploring. You’d be wide-eyed. Wish I could show you - ocean’s visible from up here.
Thought about how to share some of it with you, am keeping a journal. Not as flowery as your writing but still.
Miss me?
Coming back soon. - N
Nezumi has written in small font and abbreviated wherever possible, but it’s all still perfectly legible. Shion reads the note again, then again, then lets his eyes settle on the last line. “Coming back soon” - that’s all he’s written as a sign-off. It’s all he had to write , Shion tells himself; he doesn’t need to know anything else besides the fact that Nezumi’s coming home again.
The mouse squeaks and Shion has an idea. He grabs a piece of paper and a pencil and writes a quick reply:
Nezumi -
Got your note! Hope you get this one. No.6 changing quickly, lots of rebuilding, lots of good things. Can’t wait to show you. Looking forward to our reunion.
See you soon! S.
He gives the note to the mouse and tells it to find Nezumi, if possible. It scurries away, leaving Shion to wonder whether he should’ve written more. In the end, he decides he’ll just have to talk about everything in person with Nezumi. The thought makes him smile.
For the first time in a long time, he heads home from a trip to West Block with a spring in his step and a warm feeling of new hope in his chest. He’s decided to tell his mother, but only tomorrow, when he’s had time to sort through all of this mentally. At some point he’ll tell Inukashi too.
He falls asleep with the note in his hand that night.
VI
It’s been four months now since the day Shion got Nezumi’s note, and the time seems to be flying by. Or rather, whenever he checks how long it’s been, another week or two have passed already, but the individual days feel long. The excited bubbling in his gut has settled down for the most part, though it comes back full-force as soon as he thinks about Nezumi’s return for long enough.
Karan had been surprised when Shion had explained everything the day after it had happened. Like him, she has been hoping for Nezumi to come back this entire time - she sees exactly how his absence affects her son, not to mention that she never got to say goodbye before Nezumi took off. Shion read the note to her in his best impression of Nezumi.
Inukashi, on the other hand, spits their drink right out and stares at Shion with wide eyes when he tells them about the note. They don’t believe it exists until Shion takes it out of his pocket.
“He… He really is in love with you,” they say. “He’d never come back to West Block for the sake of sentimentality.”
A light laugh escapes Shion’s lips. He’s been sure for so long now that he loves Nezumi, it feels strange to think about whether or not the feeling’s mutual. Before, he hadn’t dared to let himself dwell on the subject, but now that Inukashi’s brought it up anyway he can’t help but feel giddy at the thought.
“You think so?” he asks.
“ Yes, stupid. You think he sends me notes? He knows you’re one to care about all that sort of stuff and he’s actually acting on that - that’s softer than any side he’s shown anyone else in all the time I’ve known him. I’d never believe it was really him if I didn’t recognize the handwriting.”
Shion knows he can’t protest that. He finds the smile on his face growing as he thinks over what Inukashi’s saying.
“I love him too,” he states simply, and just saying it out loud feels like a weight off his shoulders.
“I know,” they reply with a shrug. “You’re pretty obvious about it.”
For days after that, Shion replays his conversation with Inukashi in his head, smiling every time at how obvious it seemed to them that Nezumi is in love with him. It does make sense, he supposes. They had kissed more than once, they had gone through hell together and made it back, they had saved each other's lives - but still, Shion finds the idea of Nezumi loving him back to be thrilling. If only he were here , he thinks. I could ask him in person. He lingers on that thought for perhaps a little longer than he should.
The longer Nezumi is gone for, the more frequently Shion tries to calculate how much time it should take for him to come back. Whenever he catches himself doing so, he feels a strange sense of guilt, as if Nezumi can somehow tell.
One night, Shion wakes abruptly from blurry dreams. He looks to the window. It’s raining.
Wish I could show you. The words from Nezumi’s note echo through his mind like soft whispers, and even though the images from his dreams have long since faded away, he somehow knows that he was climbing faraway mountains with Nezumi. A sigh leaves his lips as he gets up and walks to the window. His mind is still hazy from sleep, but as he stares outside, he drags up the memory of the night he met Nezumi in crystal clarity. It was raining then too.
Shion wonders whether it will rain when Nezumi comes back.
VII
The closer the two-year anniversary of Nezumi’s departure looms, the stronger the dread in Shion’s stomach becomes. It’s been exactly ten months, two weeks, and three days since he received the note. There haven’t been any other notes or messages in that time; Shion has no way to be sure that Nezumi even received his reply.
Somewhere down the line, Shion had gotten the idea into his head that Nezumi would return on the coming Holy Day. He can no longer drive it back out.
It’s unusually cold in West Block this year. Inukashi jokes that that’s a sign of Nezumi coming back and Shion pretends to find it funny, but they know he’s faking. They punch his shoulder lightly.
“You’re spacing out,” they say.
“Am I?” replies Shion, his eyes still looking distant. Inukashi wonders how much time Shion spends with his head in the clouds, thinking about Nezumi. It makes them want to fight Nezumi more than they would usually want to. Dumbass, making the guy he loves all upset like this.
“Yeah, you are. Get back to the real world, will you? You’re no good like this.”
“Right, right. Sorry about that,” says Shion with a sheepish smile. He knows he shouldn’t be this affected by Nezumi’s absence anymore - it’s been almost two years since they last saw one another, and yet he feels like it can’t have been more than three weeks at most. Shion drags his mind away from its favorite topic and focuses on Inukashi. “Did you want help washing the dogs?”
While the two of them give the dogs their bath, they talk about unimportant things. Shion’s work, Inukashi’s weirdest customers, and Karan’s blueberry shortcakes are always safe topics. Suddenly Inukashi goes quiet.
“Is something wrong?” Shion asks, looking at his friend with concern in his eyes.
“No,” they reply right away, “I just thought I heard something-”
Neither of them expect the mechanical mouse that hops onto the bench between them. Inukashi stares at it in disbelief while excitement and relief flood Shion’s face in equal measure. He recognizes Hamlet right away.
“Is that a note he’s carrying?” Inukashi says, but Shion doesn’t hear a thing. He’s holding out a hand and accepting the piece of paper already, unfolding it with shaking hands. Inukashi’s eyes fix on Shion’s expression, figuring that they can piece together the contents of the message just by watching Shion’s reactions to it. A heartbeat passes in silence; Shion’s smile is frozen in place.
A single tear slips down his face.
“Give me that.” Inukashi snatches the paper from Shion’s unmoving hands. They take one look at Nezumi’s messy handwriting and already feel their gut drop.
Shion,
Raft broke. Don’t know where I am. No path, no people. Trees everywhere. No way out yet, am searching.
Reunion coming later. Sorry. - N.
“He’s coming back.” Shion speaks before Inukashi can. They have to look at him to confirm that it’s actually Shion speaking; the voice sounded much too calm to be coming from him. Shouldn’t you be upset? they want to ask.
“He said that in his last note,” they say instead.
“But he apologized in this one. He wanted to be back sooner - he’s really returning,” Shion replies, wiping away his tear (of relief, Inukashi realizes belatedly) with the back of his left hand and taking the note back with the other.
“I mean, it’s pretty special to get that ass to apologize at all, but… Aren’t you mad at him at all?” The question tumbles out before they can stop it. Shion raises an eyebrow.
“Of course I’m mad at him,” he says.
“You sure don’t sound like it,” mutters Inukashi, crossing their arms over their chest and leveling Shion with a confused stare.
“That’s because I’m also very relieved. Nezumi may be far away, and he may not be returning for another while, and of course these few words aren’t enough, but he’s writing. He’s writing, he’s saying sorry, and he’s doing his best to come back to me. He’s going to keep his promise of returning. When he does, I’ll punch him in the gut, but right now I’m just happy to think I’ll get that chance.” Shion’s smiling and it’s reaching his eyes. It dawns on Inukashi that Shion has done a lot of growing in the time that Nezumi has been absent for. They like that idea.
“I think I get it,” they say, grinning back at Shion. “Just make sure you let me know when he gets back so I can sock him one as well, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Shion agrees with a little laugh.
VIII
The second Remembrance Day comes and goes; Nezumi does not. Shion thinks that this fact should hurt less than it does.
He had thought hard about what he wanted to write in his second reply to Nezumi, but in the end, he had gone with his initial gut decision anyway. Inukashi had rolled their eyes at how ‘cheesy’ the two of them were. Shion had laughed as he’d told them that ‘cheesy’ wasn’t quite the word he would have chosen.
Nezumi, his note reads,
Can’t believe your bad luck. Am sure you’ll find your way soon though.
Come home. - S.
Before sending it off, he had handed the note to Inukashi, who seemed surprised at how short it was. Shion had smiled and said that he wanted to say everything else in person.
Now, fourteen weeks later, he’s beginning to wonder whether he should have fastened a long letter to Hamlet’s back. It would probably have gotten lost or damaged, but at least he could have written his thoughts down. As it is, they just chase endless circles through his mind.
IX
Rugged mountains stand tall behind Nezumi as he sets up camp for the night. It had taken a long time, but now he’s certain that he’s on the right path. The one that leads back to Shion. Three-and-a-half years of wandering have shown him quite clearly how much he really misses Shion.
He hopes it isn’t too late yet.
Scaling the mountains on the far side from where he is now had been a challenge of a magnitude he hadn’t been expecting. It had taken months to even reach them, but getting past them was a wholly different story. From there he had traveled close to the ocean for a while. Eventually he had reached a narrow strait that seemed to flow calmly enough, but when he had assembled a raft to sail on it, everything had gone downhill quickly. He had gotten stranded with almost no hope of escape.
Thinking of Shion helped. Looking back at his note worked miracles. When he thinks about it now, Nezumi wonders if he would have had the morale to get through those times if it weren’t for the promise he had made to Shion.
I wonder if he’s gotten taller, Nezumi suddenly thinks. It’s an idea that crosses his mind often: has Shion changed a lot? Or will he still look the same, only a little older? There’s no way to tell without actually seeing him. This separation isn’t like the time between their first meeting and their second; Nezumi has no ways to check on Shion, aside from the notes he sends with his mechanical mice. He knows Shion must be doing alright, given that he isn’t leaving the city anytime soon, but that’s all he knows.
The sun sets over the horizon. Nezumi gets ready to sleep. In his head, the same phrase repeats itself over and over: come home.
“Dammit, Shion, I’m trying,” he sighs to no one in particular, closing his eyes and draping one arm across them. “It’s not as easy as you think.”
Come home.
“I’m coming home. It’s just not happening as fast as you want it to,” he says. Even if Shion is still far away from him, he knows exactly what sort of expression he’d be wearing right now. Shion would look at him with those pretty eyes of his and demand to know why Nezumi couldn’t hurry up. The worst part is that Nezumi has no answer that’s more satisfying than ‘I’m just far away right now’.
Come home. With those two words, Shion somehow got his message across perfectly clearly. Behind that simple sign-off are a million other words: I miss you, you’ve been gone for too long, I hope you’re safe, and I can't wait to talk to you again are the first ones that Nezumi hears in Shion’s voice in his head.
Nezumi turns over with a groan. It’s harder than usual today to clear his head.
When he thinks about it (and right now, he can’t stop thinking about it), three years is a long time to spend alone, just as it’s a very long time to spend waiting for someone. He hopes selfishly that Shion will keep waiting for him. Deep down he knows he doesn’t need to worry about that - Shion isn’t someone who gives up on others easily, if at all.
He wonders whether Shion will still love him when he comes back. When, not if, thinks Nezumi; that ‘if’ left his mind long ago and the ‘when’ became a complete certainty the moment he read those two words of Shion’s. Come home.
From somewhere nearby, an owl hoots. I've been lying here for hours, Nezumi realizes. He still can't get his thoughts to quiet down; he's in half a mind to just pack his things back up and trek for another while in hopes of tiring himself out. He knows it wouldn't help. The question returns to him: will Shion still feel the same way now as he did three years ago? Nezumi has another realization: he himself will never feel any differently about Shion.
I love him. He accepts it now.
The wind blows across the plain, but that's the only sound Nezumi can hear. It's a very quiet night. He thinks about how much louder West Block had always been, and then about how weirdly artificial the silence in Kronos had felt. Shion had mentioned in his first note that there had been major changes made to what had once been No.6 and its surrounding area - Nezumi wonders whether it's become easier to hear the sounds of nature now. He thinks about how much Shion would probably like the peaceful sounds out here in the middle of nowhere.
“Damn it,” Nezumi murmurs. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the note. The words would be hard to read in the darkness if he didn't already have them memorized, but as it is, his memory fills in the blanks that the poor lighting leaves. As always, the last two words on the scrap of paper stand out the most, and not because they look any different from the rest of the note.
Nezumi still can't quite believe that his whole plan changed because of those two words. Guilt and loneliness hadn't been enough to sway his faith in his decision to keep traveling, but all Shion needed to do was sign off a note with come home , Nezumi tells himself. With that thought in mind, he gives up on trying to sleep.
It takes two more hours of walking, but eventually his mind quiets down out of exhaustion. Normally he'd scold himself for doing this - there's never any guarantee that wearing himself out will accomplish anything aside from making him wish the sun would rise a little later. This time, he can't bring himself to care. Every step takes me closer to you, Shion , he thinks, and I'm coming home.
X
Four years.
A rainy Sunday morning marks the four-year anniversary of Nezumi leaving. Shion wakes up a little later than usual and almost goes right back to sleep; the anniversary days are always the hardest. He stares at the wall and Nezumi’s notes stare back at him.
“I guess that he and I think of the word ‘soon’ in very different ways,” he says aloud to no one in particular. Sitting up, he looks out of the window, shakes his head, and starts to get ready for the day.
Nezumi packs up quickly and heads out when the first raindrops wake him. His nerves have been oddly jumpy since yesterday. He chalks it up to a general anxious feeling about seeing what's become of the city he once hated with all his being, but deep down he knows that he's mostly nervous about seeing Shion again. For days now he’s felt like he’s really getting close, and now that he’s finally found a trail he recognizes, he knows it can’t be much longer until he gets home.
How ironic. It’s been exactly four years, just like the first reunion. If it weren’t so cruel Nezumi would almost have done this on purpose.
He turns a corner, hikes to the top of a hill, and stands beneath a tall tree looking out at the city.
By noon, Shion is already tired of ignoring the nervous jittering in his stomach. He doesn’t want to call it a premonition, but that’s certainly what it feels like. Whenever his thoughts drift to Nezumi (as they’ve been doing even more frequently since this morning), it gets worse, and he can’t remember the last time he felt this way. Karan notices, though she doesn’t ask for Shion’s sake.
Having nothing else to do, Shion decides to help his mother in the bakery for the lunch hour. Surprisingly many people come by considering that it’s raining as hard as it is. Shion doesn’t mind. It gives him the chance to take his mind off its favorite subject.
An hour and a half later, Karan realizes that they’re running very low on flour. Before she can ask, Shion is putting on his jacket and heading for the door with a smile.
“I’ll be back soon,” he calls over his shoulder as cheerfully as he can manage. She watches him until he’s out of sight, worrying about her son and his less-than-successful attempts to cover up his heartache. Part of her wishes she’d never let Nezumi leave; at the same time, she knows that there’s little she could have done.
I need to buy a warmer jacket, Nezumi thinks to himself as he pulls the hood of his cloak down a little further. The rain isn’t letting up at all. At least he won’t be out in the open for much longer - he’s almost at the outskirts of West Block already, though he hardly recognizes it.
In Nezumi’s absence, the streets have been paved and all of the houses have had at least some work done. Many of them are still under construction. The old market square looks like it has been redesigned by someone who never saw the original one, resembling a proper plaza now. He stares at the buildings with wide eyes, wondering how the new government had managed to get this much done in just four years. Everyone else seems to be too busy to notice him. Nezumi looks to the left just as someone bumps into him on his right.
“Watch where you’re going!” Inukashi snaps, and for a moment time freezes. It takes less than a second for Nezumi to recognize their voice. Inukashi glares up at him but stops short when they realize who they’ve just yelled at.
“Nezumi?” they ask.
“Hey,” he replies easily with a cocky grin, taking off his hood. “Surprised to see me?”
“... You arrogant, self-centered prick.” With nothing more than that, they grab his arm and drag him off to the nearest alleyway. Nezumi can’t find it in him to protest. Once they’re away from the noise of the marketplace, Inukashi rounds on him.
“What the hell do you mean, ‘hey’? You’ve been gone for four whole years, you’ve made your damn boyfriend all mopey, and then you just turn up with a fucking ‘hey’ like nothing happened?!” Inukashi’s right, of course, but that doesn’t mean Nezumi wants to deal with this at the moment. He sighs and shakes his head.
“What else do you want me to say to you?” he says.
“Not to me,” they reply irritatedly, “to Shion. How can you just saunter through the marketplace while he’s-”
“While he’s where?” Nezumi cuts in. Inukashi rolls their eyes.
“At the bakery waiting for you like he always is, obviously. Hurry up and go to him, I’ll yell at you later.” They put both hands on his back and shove him in the general direction of Lost Town; he waves over his shoulder as he rushes down the street. He can pretend not to be sentimental another time, he tells himself.
When Shion arrives at the marketplace, he’s greeted by the smell of fresh street food. A smile makes its way onto his face. He heads over to the vendor and buys a small plate for lunch, knowing he’ll still have enough money for the flour.
While Shion eats his food, he ducks between the many stands, sheltering from the rain wherever he can. Just a few more meters until I reach the shop, he thinks.
Little does he know that Nezumi is running down the closest parallel street in search of him.
The rain is coming down harder than it had been in the morning. Nezumi stands on the corner of the street, trying his best to make his legs move towards the bakery. Shion is just a few meters away, he tells himself.
The door opens and a customer leaves. Karan calls out a goodbye from inside the shop. Suddenly, Nezumi wonders whether she’ll be angry at him for breaking her son’s heart and then turning back up on her doorstep. Probably. He stares at the door for another few moments, bites his lip, and steps back into the alleyway.
A shiver runs down Nezumi’s spine. His back is to the wall so the rain isn’t hitting him anymore, but his hair is drenched and his cloak is soaked through. Damn it all, he thinks, barely resisting the urge to punch the wall in frustration.
Just a few meters, and now he can’t move.
Shion takes his time looking at the stalls in the marketplace, only coming home after twenty minutes of browsing.
As he’s heading up the street with the bag of flour in his arms, the jumpy feeling in his gut intensifies all of a sudden. He’s distracted by it and nearly slips, catching himself by balancing the weight of the bag.
“That could’ve gone badly,” he comments out loud.
In the alleyway, Nezumi sits up straighter. Shion’s voice! He stands up and peers around the corner.
There he is.
Shion, with his hair still a striking white. He’s definitely gotten taller, but not as tall as Nezumi, by the looks of it. There’s a small smile on his lips and Nezumi thinks that if time stopped moving right now, he’d be content to just look at the curve of it. Shion’s clothes look a little damp from the rain, but it’s clear that he’s nowhere near as cold as Nezumi is right now.
Nezumi makes to move towards him, but Shion disappears into the bakery before he can speak.
He’s here, he’s right in front of me - and I can’t even walk to him, Nezumi realizes dully, feeling his body freeze up again. The world starts to spin. A rumble of thunder sounds out from around him and Nezumi wonders whether he should just walk away now, before Shion can see him and point out how much of a coward he’s being. Nezumi almost wants to laugh. Instead he just shivers from the cold and the rain and the ridiculousness of it all.
Then the door opens.
Shion takes one step forwards, looks up, and meets Nezumi’s eyes. The smile from before disappears. Behind him, the door falls shut as Karan calls out after her son.
“Nezumi,” Shion says quietly.
“Hey,” says Nezumi in a softer echo of his earlier greeting to Inukashi. He manages a little smile. Tears well up in Shion’s eyes as he straightens up, pulls back his fist, and punches Nezumi in the gut. Both of them know that Shion is easily capable of punching twice as hard, but Nezumi doesn’t point it out.
“I guess I had that one coming.” Nezumi laughs lightly and the ice is broken. He opens his arms and Shion rushes into a tight hug, not minding the rain or the cold of Nezumi’s skin in the slightest. Lightning flashes behind them as they hold each other close, laughing all the while. Shion is crying at the same time; Nezumi realizes that at some point, tears had sprung to his own eyes as well. They fall down his cheeks, a warm contrast to the freezing drops of rain.
“Four years,” Shion murmurs. “Four years, and you kept your promise.”
“Of course I did.”
“For a while there, I wasn’t so sure you would.” The comment gives Nezumi pause. He puts a hand on the side of Shion’s face and looks him in the eyes again.
“Shion, I know it took a long time, but I always planned to come back to you. Really, I did. I wasn’t going to break that promise,” he says, drinking in the welcome sight of Shion’s bright eyes. Four years, he thinks, and he still has that intense look in his eyes.
“Did you plan to come back on the anniversary of when you left?” Shion then asks, leaning into Nezumi’s touch and meeting his eyes without hesitation. No would be the easy answer, but Shion would never be happy with just that, so Nezumi takes a moment to consider the question and how he should phrase his reply. He cracks a grin.
“Maybe I didn’t, but if I’d realized you were keeping track of this day as an anniversary, I would’ve brought you a present.”
“ Nezumi. ”
“Alright, alright, I’ll stop,” Nezumi laughs. Shion smiles back at him, still only half convinced that he isn’t imagining all of this. Then it occurs to him that he hasn’t asked the first question that came to him when he saw Nezumi.
“Hey,” he begins quietly, “not that I’m complaining, but what made you come back?”
Their eyes meet and Nezumi’s soften instantly. He looks at Shion with a smile lingering on his lips as he finally puts it into words:
“You told me to come home, so I did. I came back to you because somewhere along the line, the definition for ‘home’ just became, well, you. Once I realized that, I couldn’t keep traveling any further because I knew I had to head to my home - to you, Shion.”