Chapter Text
I love you. He wanted to say it, or something along the lines, but he wasn't quite sure how. Sure, Connor had been hanging out with Evan for a while now, but only platonically. Connor had considered the fact that not many straight guys his age hung out one on one and acted the way him and Evan do, but this was kind of his first friendship so he didn't exactly have something to compare it with. Plus… things were just… different with Evan. Both of them had their fair share of problems, but that only made them gravitate strongly toward each other. Maybe Connor didn't even like Evan like that; maybe the emotions he felt were just the normal feelings of companionship. But Connor was sure that there was a distinct difference in the sunny glow that spread through him at the sight of the copper haired, freckle faced boy compared to the tingly feeling that urged him to slam his knuckles into, for example, Jared Kleinman’s face. Contemplating all this made Connor’s stomach churn and head hurt. The lanky teen sighed audibly, tapping his black-polished nails against his steering wheel. Connor’s mind replayed the text messages between the two boys that had inspired this particular drive.
Evan 11:23 pm
Hey Connor, are you awake?
Connor 11:29 pm
dude its not even that late of course im up
Evan 11:32
Sorry
Connor 11:33
its all good, whats on ur mind
At this point in the conversation, Connor had watched the typing dots form on his screen signalling Evan’s response. After a while, the bubble disappeared. Connor stopped to tie his hair into a messy knot before impatiently typing another text.
Connor 11:42
evan?
Evan 11:43
Can we go somewhere? Please
Connor 11:43
be there in ten
Connor had abruptly thrown a hoodie over his head before climbing out his window and shoving the keys into the ignition. That's how he had ended up in Evan Hansen’s driveway at nearly midnight on a Friday. The dark haired teen briefly considered knocking on the door or texting Evan, weighing his options. He decided on a text and as soon as his phone quietly dinged the confirmation ‘sent’ sound, a red eyed Evan stumbled out the front door. Connor’s heart panged as he took in the sight of Evan’s ruffled hair and wet cheeks, all signals pointing to a rough night. Evan hopped into the passenger side of the car, still dressed in some old flannel pajama pants, and let out a shaky breath.
“Th..thank you for coming.” The boy sniffled, running the back of his hand across his face, avoiding eye contact. Connor bit his tongue and refrained from saying the obvious ‘are you okay?’ because he of all people knew how fucking annoying that question was when it was clear to anyone that you were anything but okay. Instead, he tried to give a reassuring smile which he immediately regretted. Connor hated his smile, especially when someone had described his face while smiling looking like a ‘glass vase that someone had shattered accidentally’. He cleared his self deprecating thoughts, he was here to make Evan feel better, not to mope in silence.
“So which way am I driving?” He asked, taking his eyes off the road to glance over at the shivering boy in the passenger’s seat. He didn't respond immediately, his soft eyes fogged over and clouded with thought. After a few seconds he seemed to realize Connor was speaking to him.
“Oh uh sorry, I’ll give you directions.” Evan sat up straighter and stammered out instructions such as turn left, go straight, etc. The conversation didn't stray much from that. Connor had noticed that when the two were together it went pretty much like a middle school sleepover: in the beginning it was small talk and testing the waters, but by the end of the night they were struggling to breathe between laughter and never wanting to go home. They just had to get to that point in time. He stole a glance at Evan and studied the curvatures of his face before catching himself thinking of tracing his fingers between the constellations that were dusted across his cheekbones-- What the fuck, Connor?
“I don’t really mind whatever the answer to this is, but where are we driving to?” He casually asked, hoping for this to spark an interest in Evan so he might fall out of whatever anxious spiral he was currently buried in. Evan bit down softly on his lip, his eyes shining with an emotion Connor couldn't detect.
“It-it’s just this place I go to. I know it’s dark out, but I know it pretty well.” He replied, staring out the window of the car, his fingers fidgeting with the threads of the seat belt. Connor simply nodded his head.
“Sure, whatever, I trust you.” The words came out before Connor could think them through, and although it was something most people say casually it felt like a lot for Connor. However, Evan showed no sign of reaction, just continued to blankly stare out into the night. It was late, but the sky around was a soft charcoal grey that was illuminated by the white lights of the stars. They drove in silence, each lost in their minds that were miles apart yet intertwined simultaneously.