Chapter Text
"So get this" Sam said and Dean groaned, because Sam had a case and the evening had been going so well.
Sam swiveled his laptop around so Dean can see.
"So apparently, people have been going missing in Vegas."
Dean's ears perked up, because disappearances were bad, but Vegas, he could work with.
"The last six weekends, there have been significantly more missing persons reports than usual."
"Usual?" Dean asked, raising a brow.
"Dude. Vegas."
Dean shrugged, surrendering the point, and took another swig of beer.
"Okay, missing people in Vegas. How is that our thing?"
"Well apparently, " Sam said, turning his laptop back and navigating to a different page, "there's a new club that just opened up, and people who go there are the ones who have been vanishing."
"Kay," Dean said, interested despite himself. "So why haven't the cops picked up on this?"
"Because the club is like, crazy super secret," Sam explained. He was scrolling through a page of photos that appeared to be of a Roman bathhouse. "It took me three hours on the darkweb just to find a reference to it. Whatever it is, nobody's talking about it. I'm not sure the cops even know."
"So what, a bunch of swanky rich people go missing after visiting a secret club? This still sounds more like a mafia thing than a ghost."
"It's not a ghost," Sam insisted, finding the photo he wanted and pointing. "There. It's a demigod. Goddess. Whatever."
The photo was heavily retouched, or maybe the dark-skinned woman was just wearing a lot of makeup. Dean didn't particularly care. She sat resplendent on a red velvet couch, roman-era clothing draped provocatively across her body, looking into the camera with a knowing smile.
Dean licked his lips.
"Who is she?"
"The club's owner and sole proprietor. For now, she's going by the name 'Makeda,' but that's really just a pseudonym. If you look into the title, it leads you down a whole rabbit hole of mythology. To make a really, really long story short, her name is Bilquis. She's a demigod based loosely on the Queen of Sheba."
"Okay, but why would a demigod open a club. Just a way to lure in tourists?"
"Well, that's where things get interesting," Sam said, spinning the screen back around and tapping some more. "See, Sheba was an actual historical figure, but her story has been melded with so much lore and fantasy, it's hard to tell what's real and what's legend. She's basically the King Arthur of sex."
Dean blinked.
"Well, there's a metaphor I never thought I'd hear."
"Back in her glory days, her temples used to house huge orgies in her honor. Most of the time everyone woke up hungover and went home but sometimes, Bilques actually showed up."
Sam turned the screen back around. This time it showed a badly worn stone, a picture carved into the front. The edges were softened, but it was pretty clear what the picture was meant to depict: a large pile of people, most of whom had highly exaggerated sexual features. Presiding over them was a single female figure. Her spread legs formed a frame around the rest of the image.
"I'm guessing it was bad, when that happened," Dean hazarded.
"Depends on who you ask," Sam answered. "To be sacrificed to Bilquis was a huge honor-"
"Typical," Dean grumbled.
"-but they were never seen again, no," Sam finished. "Her worshipers put on increasingly depraved spectacles in the hopes of catching her attention. According to the legend, a crowd of nearly two thousand sacrificial virgins disappeared after being de-virginized... en masse."
Dean raised an eyebrow.
"That's a hell of a sacrifice."
"You're telling me," Sam answered. "The question we need to answer is, is this the real Bilquis or just a tulpa created by the mass imaginations of a city of miscreants."
"I love Vegas," Dean interrupted.
"It's the real Bilquis," Cas answered, appearing from nowhere and dropping into a nearby chair. Sam almost fell on the floor in his scramble to process the sudden apparition.
"Cas! What are you doing here?"
"Dean called me," the angel shrugged, peering at the laptop.
"No I didn't," Dean responded, confused. Cas glanced up.
"Yes you did," he answered. Fortunately, Sam interrupted before it could go any further.
"You know about her, Cas?"
"Hmmm," Cas answered, looking at the picture. "Yes, I remember her. She had quite an impact back in the day. I believe Gabriel was a friend of hers."
Sam rolled his eyes.
"Typical."
"Any ideas on how to kill her?" Dean asked, changing the subject.
"Lots, but none of them have worked out particularly well," Cas answered, scrolling through the pictures. "This one here, for example. His plan failed particularly egregiously."
Dean craned over Cas's shoulder to look at the carving. This one showed the same hypersexualized female figure... and the top half of a male one, hanging from between her legs.
"Is she... giving birth?" Dean guessed.
"Precisely the opposite," Cas answered, scrolling further. "Her worshipers do not simply disappear; they are consumed."
"Awesome," Dean deadpanned. "An ancient goddess who eats people with her vagina. Great."
Sam smacked him on the arm.
"Quit being a dumbass."
"How is that not an accurate description?" Dean asked, rubbing his bicep. Cas was still looking at the pictures on Sam's screen.
"The only way to subdue her is to overpower her," Cas said distractedly.
"She doesn't look that strong," Sam remarked.
"Sexually," Cas clarified.
"Oh," Dean said. His voice was a little high. "So someone has to just... fuck her into submission?"
"In essence, yes," Cas said, still scrolling like this was a perfectly normal conversation. "The difficult part is that it must be done while she is physically manifested, and she only does that when she is attending to her worshipers."
"Oh," Dean said again.
"So we'd have to go to an orgy," Sam said. Dean punched him in the arm.
"How is that not accurate?" Sam whined.
"We aren't going to an orgy ," Dean snapped.
"She also draws power from her worshipers, which makes it very difficult to outlast her," Cas said, finally taking his eyes off the screen and turning to Dean. "Difficult enough that no one has ever done it."
"So that's that," Dean concluded. "She can't be killed, so we aren't going to an orgy. Problem solved."
"Except that people are still disappearing," Sam pointed out. Dean frowned. Yes, there was that.
"We'd need someone with a fair amount of fame," Cas added. "In the old days, they used to send kings. Ideally, we'd need someone recognized by a large number of people or beings, the more powerful, the better."
Dean tried not to look at Sam and failed, immediately.
"Like all the demons in hell," Sam murmured. He wouldn't look at either of them.
"That... would probably do it, yes," Cas agreed. He looked up, raising his eyebrows. "It would certainly put you ahead of those who tried before. How is your stamina?"
Dean was halfway through taking another swig of beer and had to stop before he coughed it up through his nose.
"Sexually," Cas clarified, for the second time today and what was happening?
"Uh... fine? I guess?" Sam said. Cas shook his head.
"You'd need to be highly resilient in order to win this fight. Bilquis gains staying power from her followers. And she has quite a bit of experience, as well. I have no doubt she'd be able to bring an average man to orgasm with a minimum of-"
"We're not going to an orgy!" Dean shouted, because he did not want to know any more things about his brother's orgasms.
"I... think we might have to," Sam said quietly. "You heard Cas. Nobody's ever been able to pull this off. If I can... I think I owe it to them to try, right?"
"Sam," Dean said, trying to be the reasonable brother for once. "If you lose. You're going to be eaten by an immortal vagina. You understand that, right?"
Sam nodded solemnly.
"Then I just have to not lose, right?"
Dean was torn. On the one hand, he needed to protest this. Protest and never stop protesting.
On the other hand, saving people is what they did. What they'd always done. And if they risked their lives to save a ghost that kills someone every year... they were pretty duty bound to take a stab at something that killed a dozen people a week.
"Okay," Dean sighed at last. "But you gotta get some more practice first. I'm gonna show you some moves."
Sam punched him in the arm.
"I have plenty of moves."
"Not my moves."
Cas frowned.
"There are moves?"
"Oh my god, yes, Cas, there are moves."
"Oh," Cas said, looking down. "Well that probably explains some things."
This conversation was everything Dean never wanted to know. He did not deserve this. He'd already been to hell.
"I'll teach you the moves, too, Cas," he groaned, rubbing his face. He didn't miss the angel's excited grin.