Chapter Text
The sound of a key entering her lock broke her out of the focused state that she was in, making frustration rise in her chest as she cursed herself for not locking the deadbolt. Of course he would come. Felicity hasn’t outright told him to stay away but she hoped that he’d at least give her more than twenty-four hours to process. Turning around on the couch where she sat, Felicity waited for him to come through the door and caught sight of the sheepish guilt in his eyes as soon as he did. He paused in the doorway, one hand still on the handle and the other holding a bag from her favorite takeout place. His hesitation lasted longer than it should have and she realized that he was waiting for her to tell him to come or go.
“Smells good,” she said, pushing her computer off of her lap to stand.
Oliver took that as permission and closed the door behind him as he made his way further into her apartment. Felicity didn’t step around the couch just yet, watching him make his way into her kitchen to set the bag of food down on the counter.
“I figured you didn’t have much here and Dig told me you haven’t left all day,” he said softly, pulling containers out.
“Tell me that you didn’t have John wait around all day in his apartment to let you know if I leave or not.”
Oliver’s movements stalled for just a moment but it was enough time to confirm that it was exactly what happened.
“There are a few reporters outside of your building. I didn’t want you to have to face all of it alone,” he admitted.
Felicity hummed, the statement she heard from Bethany Snow’s mouth earlier that day coming to mind. It was all too easy to memorize. She’d rewatched it a dozen times while her anger and frustration built and built until she felt like she’d combust.
“Looks like it didn’t work,” she said, finally walking around the couch and into the kitchen, keeping her eyes trained on him.
Oliver tilted his head towards her, confusion written across his face.
“The Queen family values its privacy,” Felicity recited, leaning back against her counter. “We condemn any effort to slander Felicity Smoak, who is a highly regarded employee of Queen Consolidated and a treasured future member of the Queen family. She has never been involved in criminal activity, no matter her relations, and any implication otherwise is tantamount to defamation.”
Oliver looked at her fully, the furrow in his brow showing that he still didn’t quite understand.
“It’s a statement,” he said, putting down the container that he held.
“Which is funny because I don’t recall ever hiring someone to release statements on my behalf.”
Felicity knew, even as the words slipped from her mouth, that she wasn’t being entirely fair. But then again, she had reasons for her frustration. Reasons that he had no way of knowing because there were so many things she never told him. Things she kept close to the chest because Felicity never told anyone. And the frustration of that was carving a deep, dark hole in her chest because no one had the right to speak for her when they had no idea what they were saying.
“It’s what we do,” Oliver said, his eyes searching hers for any explanation about why she was angry. “You’re close to being a part of my family and this is how we protect ourselves.”
Felicity narrowed her eyes at him.
“This isn’t a DUI or peeing on a cop,” she said, her words sharp.
She didn’t blame him for the slight finch she saw, hating herself for letting the words leave her lips. But it was like a seal had been removed and all she could do was talk.
“This is about my father. My family. My life,” she said, pushing off of the counter to step closer to him. “You don’t know everything about me, Oliver. So next time you want to release statements about me, make sure that you run them by me first because then at least we can make sure they’re true.”
She started to turn away, ready to put some distance between them, but Oliver’s hand caught her arm gently and pulled her back.
“What about it wasn’t true?” he said, his tone a little harder than it was before.
Felicity turned her head, fixing him with a fierce stare.
“Highly regarded employee and treasured future member?” she said, pulling her arm out of his loose hold to face him again. “I’m a glorified secretary and your family has known me for less than a month. The only people in all of this who ‘treasure’ me are your lawyers and that’s only because I convinced you to sign a damn prenup.”
Hurt flashed through Oliver’s eyes and regret tasted so bitter on her tongue.
“That’s not true,” he said, shaking his head.
“Anyone with a brain can dissect that whole statement and realize that your family is just scrambling to cover for the fact that they didn’t know the prized Queen son was engaged to the daughter of an international criminal. Which I guess I don’t really blame them for since I found out right around the same time that they did.”
Felicity turned away from him, cursing the hitch in her voice and the sting in her eyes. The last thing she wanted was for Oliver to see her cry right now. All that wanted was to be left alone to deal with this at her own pace. But he was here and all of her anger poured out over him when the last thing she wanted was to put blame on his shoulders. He should have just left her alone.
“You didn’t know?”
Felicity stopped in place, turning around slowly to face him again.
“You thought I did?” she said.
“He’s your father,” Oliver told her as if she needed reminding.
Felicity inhaled deeply before letting out an unamused laugh.
“He left us,” she said, looking at Oliver. “And he never looked back so when my mom made me promise I’d never look him up because she knew damn well I could find out everything about him, I told her I wouldn’t. I made that promise because I didn’t want to know anything about the man that left us in the dust, choking on the mess he left behind. So yeah, I found out with the rest of the world.”
Oliver took a step towards her, his hands lifting as if he would comfort her, but she took a step back. Shaking her head, Felicity wiped at her eyes.
“Noah Kuttler,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “He’s a cybercriminal and a thief. He’s hacked into intelligence databases and bank systems in more countries than you and I have been to combined. He’s blackmailed countless people. He’s… he’s a bad person.”
Felicity shrugged, letting the words hang in the air before she drove it home with what she said next.
“And I’m his daughter.”
Oliver took another step towards her, determination written across his face.
“You’re nothing like him.”
Felicity stared at him with disbelief, wondering how he could believe something like that wholeheartedly.
“Look at my educational background, Oliver,” she said, gesturing with her hands. “It’s not a big leap to guess that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
“Well I know differently,” he said with confidence.
“No, you don’t!”
Her loud words cut through the tension between them like a knife. Felicity pressed a hand over her eyes, taking in a deep breath as she tried not to see the wounded look on Oliver’s face.
“You… you should have just let me handle this,” she said, letting her hand drop but still refusing to look at him. “I deal with my shit on my own. That’s how it’s been and that’s how it will be. I don’t know when that stopped being true but it’s not fair of me to make you fight my battles when I do it best alone.”
A few beats of silence followed her words and she saw Oliver shifting out of the corner of her eye, his arms folding over his chest as he glanced down at the ground for several moments before looking back up at her.
“What does that mean?” he asked quietly.
Felicity finally looked at him and saw the poorly hidden fear in his beautiful eyes.
“It means that you didn’t ask for any of this,” she said, tears filling her eyes as she reached up to twist the ring on her finger around and around. “And I won’t make you deal with it anymore.”
Felicity looked down, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she started to tug at the ring.
“Don’t.”
She never knew that one word could be so heartbreaking. But the way Oliver’s voice broke around it made her heart feel heavy. His hand closed around both of hers, stopping her from pulling the ring off.
“Please.”
Felicity’s eyes rose, meeting his pleading gaze that felt like a knife to the ribs. They stared at one another for a long stretch of time, words not coming easily to either of them. When Oliver finally opened his mouth, Felicity braced herself for what she feared would be the final nail in their coffin, even if she was the one holding the hammer.
“I’ll give you time,” Oliver said, his words sounding more like a vow than anything. “However much you need, alone. Just please don’t… don’t take it off.”
Felicity’s eyes darted down to the ring before she looked up at him again, feeling more than slightly relieved.
“I won’t.”
He let out a soft breath, his shoulders dropping as if the words, almost a promise, eased a great tension. Though Felicity somehow knew that if she was ever going to make and keep a promise to anyone, it was Oliver Queen. Watching him turn and walk away hurt more than she’d ever admit, even though she was the one making him go. As the door closed behind him, she knew that it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. The thought was more comforting than she expected.
*
It took less than a day for a Queen to show up at her door again. This time, it wasn’t Oliver and they didn’t let themselves in quietly. Several loud banging knocks brought Felicity out of her bedroom, a frown fixed on her face as she wrenched the door open to glare at whoever it was. Thea stood on the other side, looking less than impressed. It was almost enough to leave her cowed, if Felicity was the type of person to be easily intimidated.
“Have I taught you nothing?” Thea demanded, her voice hot with annoyance. “Hiding out just makes everything worse. God knows that Ollie is an enabler but I’m not about to let you waste away in this shoebox waiting for the next news cycle. Now take a shower and get dressed because you’re coming with me.”
Felicity blinked several times, her mind spinning with possible ways to respond.
“Thea, listen… I-“
“No,” the younger woman cut her off. “Right now, you’re letting them win and that is not going to continue. You are Felicity fucking Smoak. You stood up to Moira Queen and came out on top with her respect. Now there’s still a ring on your finger which means there’s still a wedding happening in two and a half weeks. So there’s shit to be done. Get moving.”
Felicity fixed her with a frown but turned away, leaving the door open as she made her way back to her bedroom. Part of her knew that Thea was right. She shouldn’t hide away anymore. But the other part of her was just too tired to argue. After one quick shower and a quick session in front the mirror trying in vain to cover the dark circles beneath her eyes, Felicity walked out and found Thea reading a book from her shelf on her couch. When she looked up, a pleased look crossed her face and she stood, setting the book on Felicity’s coffee table.
“I forgot to do something,” she said.
Felicity tilted her head to the side, confused by her vague wording until she rounded the couch and pulled her into a hug.
“Welcome to the life of a Queen,” Thea said, giving her a gentle squeeze before pulling away to look into her eyes. “It fucking sucks.”
The bluntness of her words, effortlessly breaking the tension between them, pulled a laugh out of Felicity. Thea shot her a brilliant smile before turning towards the door. By the time they made it down to Felicity’s small lobby, she stepped out of the door hesitantly only to realize that the sidewalk was mostly empty. As if sensing both her hesitation and confusion, Thea gave her a knowing look.
“A certain group of particularly nosy professionals might have been heavily encouraged to move along from this particular spot,” she said, leading Felicity towards an awaiting town car.
“Let me guess. Queen family lawyers?” Felicity asked, watching the driver open the door and giving him a polite smile before climbing in after Thea.
“More like a few particularly dutiful Starling City cops.”
Felicity stared at her, trying to figure out how to say something without suggesting that Oliver’s family were paying the police off to do their dirty work.
“Laurel,” Thea clarified, somehow guessing her thought process. “I might have told her what was going on and she might have dropped a word with her dad, so he sent a couple of guys to clear the street.”
Turning her head, she looked out the window so that Thea couldn’t see just how shocked she was by the revelation. The idea of Oliver’s ex, whether she was married or not, helping Felicity out when they barely knew one another was odd. She felt grateful for it but didn’t really know why it happened. Was it just a favor for an old friend? Or was Laurel trying to help out Felicity herself? The possibilities swirled around her head long enough that Felicity had no idea how much time passed before the car pulled to a stop on a particularly affluent street. Blinking herself back into awareness, she peered out of the window and her heart skipped a beat in her chest.
“Thea…” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I can-”
“Two and a half weeks, Felicity.”
Letting out a quiet sigh at the reminder, Felicity reluctantly climbed out of the car and stared up at the sign on the storefront as if it spelled out her doom. Meanwhile, Thea was practically shaking with excitement next to her, squeezing her arm with a grin before marching towards the door. As she followed, it was impossible for Felicity to take her eyes off of the display window, where a mannequin was posed in a very fashionable, expensive white dress.
Stepping inside, they were met with an artfully decorated front room complete with a receptionist behind a quaint little desk. Her eyes grew wide when she looked up and it didn’t take long for her to be on her feet, a smile growing on her face. After pressing a button on her phone and announcing to whoever was on the end that Felicity Smoak was there, she rounded the desk and approached a small little cabinet on the wall.
“We’re incredibly pleased that you chose to visit us, Miss Smoak. You as well, Miss Queen.”
Felicity watched as the receptionist poured them both a glass of champagne before holding it out in offering. She barely uttered a quiet thanks before a nearby door opened and a tall graceful woman walked through, her eyes sharp and her smile so clearly practiced.
“Good afternoon, ladies,” she said, holding her hand out towards Felicity first once she reached them. “I’m Grace, the senior consultant here, and I’ll be helping you out today. It is truly an honor that you’ve decided to select your dress from our store. Anything you need, feel free to ask. We’re here to make sure you enjoy every single second of this experience. Will anyone else be joining you today?”
Felicity was more grateful towards Thea than ever as she stepped forward, effortlessly taking charge.
“It’s the two of us for today.”
Grace nodded, looking unbothered and unsurprised which made Felicity relax just the slightest bit.
“Well if you follow me, I’ll take you back to one of our consultation rooms,” she said, gesturing for them to walk through the same door she came in.
Felicity followed with Thea on her heels, her heart flipping in her chest when she that they were in the main room of the store. There were perfectly organized racks at every turn filled with dresses of all caliber. Lace, tulle, chiffon, and every other fabric imaginable caught her eye. More mannequins stood on pedestals, advertising different styles of dress. The showroom wasn’t empty by any means. There were at least six other groups being attended to by other consultants. Even though she belonged to the smallest of the groups, somehow it seemed like every eye was drawn their way as they crossed the floor and Felicity didn’t miss the scattered gasps and whispers. Part of her wanted to think that everyone was reacting to Thea alone but it was impossible not to notice the women blatantly staring her way.
“Just keep your head high and walk like you don’t even notice,” Thea murmured, slipping her arm through Felicity’s.
Though she felt heat in her cheeks, Felicity did just as Thea said. Keeping her eyes trained forward and her chin titled proudly, even though she was a tangled ball of nerves on the inside, she made it all the way through the showroom and to Grace’s more comfortable, private office without incident. A small sigh of relief passed her lips as she sank into a comfortable, plush chair on one side of the desk, taking a long sip of the champagne that she still held in one shaking hand. Thea took the other chair, managing to make it look like it belonged to her and her alone. Part of Felicity envied her for how it all seemed to come so naturally, knowing that she’d had all her life to grow accustomed to this kind of thing.
“So before we begin,” Grace said, thankfully distracting Felicity from her thoughts. “Can you tell me anything about what you may be looking for? Any type of dress that you definitely want to try on? You can tell me anything from neckline preference to shape or train length. We have a variety of dresses and I’m determined to find you the perfect one.”
Thea and Grace both looked her way as Felicity froze, panic shooting through her.
“I-I don’t know,” she admitted, setting her glass on the desk in front of her as she swallowed hard. “I mean I’ve thought about it a little before but I’m not sure I’m prepared to describe anything. I just… always thought I’d figure out it when the time comes.”
She knew that her answer was dull and uninspiring but Grace managed to make it seem completely understandable when she nodded her head.
“Well I have a little lookbook with our most recent styles. Maybe we can flip through it for a few minutes and you can point out whatever catches your eye. That’ll give us a good place to start.”
Felicity nodded gratefully, hoping that she wasn’t the first woman to come through the doors of this very expensive store with no idea what she was doing. Once Grace retrieved a not-so-little book from a drawer in her desk, both Felicity and Thea scooted forward a little to peer at the pages when she flipped it open to the first page. The next few minutes were filled with photos of beautiful, tall, skinny women modeling dress after dress, each of them beautiful yet almost none of them standing out to Felicity. She hummed and nodded her way through almost fifty pages before sitting back and rubbing at her forehead.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, letting out a nervous laugh as Thea and Grace both watched her. “I know I’m not making this easy on you. I’m just not…”
She trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. She’s just not into it. She’s just not seeing herself in any of the women or the dresses they wore. She’s just not sure there’s even going to be a wedding.
“It’s nothing to apologize for,” Grace assured her, setting the book aside. “Sometimes, it takes actually putting one on for it to all fit together. So I’m going to take you to a fitting room where you can relax for a few minutes while Thea and I walk around and find a few dresses that we can try on. How does that sound?”
Felicity nodded, grateful that her part in all of it would be passive. She felt an oncoming stress headache and wanted nothing more than to go home and bury her face in a pillow for a few hours. They all stood together, walking back out into the showroom. The reaction around them was much the same but Felicity blocked it all until she was in a spacious fitting room with surprisingly no mirror inside. Grace handed her a nice white bathrobe and nodded at her to undress before closing the door and leaving her alone. Felicity heard Thea and the consultant talking about different styles as the walked away and she almost felt guilty for the relief that flooded her chest at being alone.
Once she stripped down to her underwear, Felicity slipped the bathrobe on and tied it at the waist before sitting down in a chair and pulling her knees to her chest. She wasn’t lying when she admitted that she’d imagined all of this before. It was a long time ago, before college when she dreamed of all the things her life would be. And in every one of those visions, it was her mother who dragged her into countless wedding dress stores to try on dozens and dozens of frothy, lacy, too intricate wedding dresses as they laughed and argued and eventually settled on the one dress that was absolutely perfect.
This wasn’t the fantasy that she once had but Felicity was still grateful towards Thea for arranging it all. She couldn’t have done it herself. Felicity had no idea how much time passed before she heard Grace and Thea returning, still talking away. This time, she heard bits and pieces about the actual ceremony and what they had planned for it so far. Felicity made her share of decisions when Thea sat her down to talk about it but it was the youngest Queen who had an eye for everything and did the most. Felicity knew she owed Thea a lot and could only hope that the other girl wouldn’t be shattered if it all ended up messy.
It was enough to let guilt weigh on her shoulders until the door opened and Grace walked in with several dresses in her arms. Thea shot Felicity a wide grin and a thumbs up over Grace’s shoulder just before the door to the fitting room closed. Felicity stood with wide eyes as she lined each dress up on a rack on the wall, unable to differentiate between the yards and yards of white fabric. She let the robe slip from her shoulders as Grace started chattering about the right style of dress for her body type, citing Felicity’s short stature and curvy shape. She claimed that the right dress could make up for the former and accentuate the latter.
It wasn’t until she stepped into the first dress that Felicity felt her breath catch in her throat, her hands shaking as Grace began to lace it up without the slightest hesitation in her movements. It was overwhelming in the strangest way. Felicity couldn’t see her reflection without a mirror and she didn’t dare to look down, a big part of her wanting her first peek to be the entire thing from head to toe. She felt Grace pinning it in certain areas that were too large, feeling comforted by the other woman’s assurance that their alternation department could work very quickly if necessary.
“Okay! Let’s go take a look!”
Grace squeezed Felicity’s shoulders before opening the door. Winding her fingers into the layered skirts, she felt cool silk beneath her palms as she held it up to make it easier to walk, following Grace’s lead to a small sitting area where Thea was flipping through a magazine in front of a wide set of mirrors. Her eyes lifted as they approached and her lips parted into a smile as she sat up straighter.
“Oh my God,” she said, her hand flying to her mouth. “Felicity you look…”
Thea trailed off, shaking her head. Felicity had no way of knowing if that was good or bad but she couldn’t spend too much time figuring it out before Grace led her onto the pedestal in front of the mirrors and her eyes caught on her reflection. Felicity stilled in place, barely aware of Grace flitting around her adjusting the fabric at her waist and pulling the train out to settle perfectly behind her. All she could see was herself, reflected back to her in perfect clarity. It wasn’t just the dress that made her chest swell and her eyes mist over.
There was something about the color high in her cheeks and the way she held herself, looking like someone else entirely yet somehow more like herself than ever, that struck her deep to the core. Felicity knew this wasn’t the dress. But it was easy enough to pick out what she did and didn’t like about it, helping her form an image of what she did want in her mind. She couldn’t help the small laugh that fell from her lips as she wiped away an errant tear and shook her head.
“Wow,” Felicity said, brushing her hands over the delicate embroidery on the bodice of the dress. “I mean… I know this isn’t what I want but somehow it’s… wow.”
Her eyes caught on Grace in the mirror as the other woman nodded her understanding.
“It feels real,” she said.
The words fit perfectly. Felicity knew that was exactly what it was. It felt real in a way that it hadn’t before. This was real. A real wedding dress. A real engagement ring on her finger. Oliver was real. Real, real, real and really hers, if she just let herself accept it. Not alone. Together. Really and truly together.
“Oh my God,” Felicity choked out, echoing Thea’s earlier sentiment as she pressed both hands over her mouth.
The girl in question stepped up to her side, her bright eyes shining with tears of her own.
“I know it’s not the one but you look beautiful, Felicity,” Thea said, looking into her eyes in the mirror. “I can’t wait to find the right one.”
Reaching out to grasp her hand, Felicity squeezed it lightly and smiled over at her.
“Me neither.”
Thea’s answering smile was brilliant and even though she looked so much like Moira, Felicity knew that she saw a little bit of Oliver in her face right then.
“Let’s keep trying,” Grace said, looking unbothered by Felicity’s rejection of the dress. “And I’ll get someone to bring you, Thea, a lookbook of our bridesmaid selections so that you can flag a few that you think Felicity might like.”
Thea nodded, squeezing Felicity’s hand again before stepping away.
“Bridesmaids,” Felicity said, feeling overwhelmed again.
Apart from asking Iris and Caitlin about a week ago, she’d completely let it slip her mind that there was more to do.
“I already got measurements from Iris and Caitlin,” Thea said as Grace helped Felicity down from the pedestal. “Ollie has four groomsmen so you need at least two more to match.”
Felicity looked around at her with confusion written across her face.
“Four?”
Thea nodded, a small smile pulling at her lips as she stood next to the chair.
“Tommy is his best man and he chose John as another.”
“And the last two?” Felicity asked, wondering who else was important enough to include.
Thea’s smile grew wider and Felicity tilted her head, apprehension filling her.
“He asked Cisco and Barry,” Thea told her.
Felicity’s breath caught in her throat as she let the news sink in. Barry and Cisco. They were Oliver’s groomsmen. He asked them to be a part of the wedding. A smile pulled at her lips before she knew it and she was suddenly grinning back at Thea.
“I had no idea,” Felicity admitted.
“He knows they’re important to you,” Thea said as if it was obvious. “Oh and you also need to choose a maid of honor.”
Felicity let her mind wander to Oliver for a few more moments before she caught on what Thea said.
“You,” she blurted it out before she could help it.
Thea’s eyes grew wide as she looked at Felicity.
“Me?”
She sounded just as stunned as Felicity felt.
“Of course it’s you,” Felicity said, crossing over to squeeze her arm. “You’re already doing everything a maid of honor would do and you mean so much to Oliver and to me. Who else would I choose?”
Thea looked like she was on the verge of tears again, looking incredibly young as she smiled at Felicity so openly and brightly.
“Thank you,” she said, sounding truly touched.
Felicity knew that she’d pull the other girl into a hug if it wasn’t for the very expensive dress she wore.
“Now let’s find me a dress,” she said, pulling away from Thea. “We have the rest of this wedding to plan.”
“For sure?” Thea asked, sounding wary.
Felicity hesitated, half turned away to follow Grace back to the fitting room. She realized that Oliver must have confided at least something in his sister. Thea knew that Felicity had been wavering. Maybe she even knew that the ring almost left her finger the previous day. Looking back at the girl who had become so important to her in such a short amount of time, Felicity felt confident in her words as she nodded.
“For sure.”
*
For the first time in what felt like forever, Felicity sat behind her desk. The desk that wouldn’t be hers for much longer. She spent a fair amount of time grumbling about the temp they sent to work in her place for the past few days after realizing that they’d messed with her chair and she couldn’t sit right anymore. Then she heard the elevator ding and a chill crawled up her spine. All sorts of scenarios ran through her head since she arrived at Queen Consolidated, doing her best to ignore all the stares sent her way.
Mostly she feared Oliver would decide that none of it was worth the trouble. That she wasn’t worth the trouble. But her fears all disappeared the second he stepped out of the elevator and locked eyes with her. Oliver stopped in place as she slowly rose to her feet, her hands braced on her desk. It took a long few moments for either of them to move. She felt grateful that no one else was around to watch their silent stalemate. Then Oliver began walking towards her and she let a breath loose, clasping her hands nervously in front of her as he drew nearer.
“Hi,” she said softly once he reached the other side of her desk.
“Hey,” Oliver said, his voice equally quiet.
Anything she had planned to say slipped away as she looked at him, her teeth worrying at her lower lip. Oliver pushed his hands into his pockets, looking as unsure as she felt.
“Talk?” he asked, tilting his head towards his infinitely more private office.
Felicity nodded, bending down to pluck something out of her purse before following him in. Oliver turned around to lean back against his desk, curiosity lighting up his eyes as he saw the square of paper she held in her hands.
“I don’t want to lose you, Oliver.”
The words hung in the air between them, her heart racing in her chest as his face softened.
“That’s not gonna happen,” he said, his hand twitching up as if he wanted to reach out for her but wasn’t sure if he was allowed.
Felicity moved towards him, stopping close to his side as she set the photograph that she held down on his desk so that they could both see it. Oliver’s eyes dropped down to it and she watched as his eyebrows lifted and his lips parted in surprise.
“Wow.”
She pressed her lips together to keep from laughing nervously, nodding as he took in every detail of the picture of her sitting on a dorm room bed at MIT, her legs crossed with a computer on her lap and a glare on her face, a few strands of dark hair falling into her eyeliner-heavy eyes.
“Yeah,” Felicity said, rocking back on her heels. “That’s me. It was taken in my junior year of college. I was incredibly pissed off at the world. I always had that anger simmering underneath my skin but after my mom died it just… exploded. I found some other people who were just as angry as me. About different things but that didn’t matter then. All I knew was that they gave me a sense of belonging and an ongoing adrenaline rush. Two things I guess I craved ever since my dad left us when I was seven.”
She tilted her head up, looking at Oliver only to see empathy and understanding reflected in his eyes. It was what she expected but she feared that it would all go away when he learned the truth about her.
“I hated myself after he left,” she said quietly, reaching up to tug at her earring nervously.
Telling the truth like this, exposing a deep part of herself that had never seen the light of day before, felt so incredibly unnatural that all she wanted to do was run away screaming. But Oliver deserved this much after what she put him through.
“Felicity,” he said, his voice filled with hurt that she knew was for her.
He was hurting for her. It only confirmed the kind of man that he was in her mind. The kind of man she always knew that he was. It made it even harder for her to keep going.
“I thought I was broken,” she perservered, looking down at the picture of a much different version of herself. “That no one could, or would, ever love me. It’s the only way a kid can grow up when their father abandons them with no explanation, I guess. It led me to some pretty dark places and after my mom died, there was nothing holding all of that back because I didn’t know how to cope with any of it by myself. But that’s where I was. Alone. Surrounded by people with a lot of talent and a desire to change the world one line of code at a time, but still alone.”
Felicity took a deep breath, letting her finger tap the picture.
“The old me let herself be guided by all of that anger and it only led to more and more anger. I did some pretty… questionable things. Not entirely legal things.”
She hesitated before looking up at Oliver, wondering if it all sank in with him yet.
“The statement,” he said, understanding laced in his words.
Felicity nodded, confirming his suspicions.
“It all fell apart and someone close to me took the blame for everything, which is why there isn’t any mention of it in the very detailed background check I’m sure your mother did on me. I thought I was done with that chapter of my life but the truth is that I’ve been keeping myself alone with all of these walls up for a very long time.”
“It’s understandable,” Oliver said, reaching up to brush his hand over her arm.
She stepped closer to him, reaching up to adjust his crooked tie.
“I was serious about what I said before, Oliver,” Felicity said, looking into his eyes. “I may not blackmail people or steal from banks but I’ve done my fair share of illegal hacking.”
Oliver shrugged, looking incredibly unconcerned.
“I’ve peed on a cop,” he said, a smile pulling at his lips.
Felicity let out a soft laugh, feeling his arm wind around her waist.
“Well I guess that makes us two peas in a very strange, morally grey pod,” she said, tilting her head up to look into his eyes.
He didn’t argue, lifting his hand to brush a soft touch over her cheek.
“Did you really think you’d lose me over this?”
Felicity sighed, looking away from him briefly before meeting his gaze again.
“I was afraid of it,” she admitted reluctantly, not wanting to hurt him anymore than she already had. “I think a part of me always will be.”
Oliver bent down, brushing a soft kiss over her lips that she couldn’t help but lean into, craving more of his touch than she could have ever expected. The kiss deepened as they fell into one another, desperate for closeness. When he pulled away, her eyes fluttered open as she waited for the other shoe to drop. Felicity didn’t know if that fear would ever go away. This was more than just about her avoiding deportation. She was in love with Oliver Queen, deeply and irreversibly. Nothing could make that fade away now, not even her own self-doubt.
“It’s still the two of us, right?” Oliver asked, staring deeply into her eyes.
Felicity nodded, a smile forming on her face before she could help it.
“I sure hope so, Mr. Queen,” she said, playing with his collar. “Because I’ve picked out a dress and everything.”
Oliver’s eyes lit up as he grinned at her, joy plain on his face just before he pulled her in for another all consuming kiss.