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“Hey, babe!”
Before Cas can react to the familiar voice, he’s spun around and then lifted into the air by arms around his waist. His captor’s bright green eyes are sparkling, and Cas is suddenly hit with a hot rush of joy like a car slamming into him.
“Dean!” he complains, thumping Dean on the shoulder while contradicting his chastisement by wrapping his legs around Dean’s waist. “I’m working!”
“Well, I’m not. Not for the next hour.”
Resting Cas on the counter, Dean then proceeds to kiss him so thoroughly that Cas immediately loses his grip on any thoughts currently floating through his head. Groaning, he cups Dean’s face and kisses back eagerly, their lips working together until –
“Excuse me?”
They spring apart to find an elderly lady standing next to them, eyes firmly fixed on the wall beside Cas’ head.
“Oh – I’m sorry!” a red-faced Cas stammers, sliding off the counter. He quickly serves the lady, their conversation stilted and strictly professional, and Cas turns to glare at a snickering Dean once she’s left the store.
“I’m banning you from coming here during working hours from now on,” Cas says, jabbing his finger into Dean’s chest. Dean snickers louder and leans in to kiss Cas chastely.
“I can’t even stay today,” Dean says when he pulls back. “Just came to give you your muffin and a kiss.”
“That was a lot more than a kiss,” Cas mutters, accepting the brown paper bag. Dean doesn’t say anything, so Cas looks up from where he’s peering inside the bag to see his boyfriend watching him with a weird, soft smile on his face. “What?”
Dean shrugs.
“Nothing. You’ve just been…less shy around me. Ever since you told me about your exes, you’ve been more comfortable around me. You joke a lot more now.”
Cas blinks. Then he blinks again, casting his mind back. Dean’s right. He’d been so…subdued and cautious in the early stages of their relationship, probably out of fear of messing everything up and because he didn’t really trust Dean very much back then. But now? Now that Dean knows pretty much everything and is still refusing to ditch him?
Cas suddenly realises, in that moment, that he trusts Dean more than anybody else in his life, save Balthazar and Gabriel.
“What?” Dean says. “Now you’re the one staring.”
“Nothing. I’m just thinking.”
Smiling softly, Dean leans in and gives Cas a sweet kiss.
“I gotta go. But…I was thinkin’…” He shifts nervously. “Maybe we could start spending weeknights with each other? I mean, I totally get it if you just want a night to yourself, but I’m totally crazy for you, Cas, and I wanna be able to sleep and wake up next to you more, and I love cooking dinner for you –”
“Dean,” Cas says loudly, grinning. “I’d love that. I miss waking up next to you. And I love your cooking.”
The relief in the air is almost tangible.
“Great!” Dean runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, I’d love to live with you, but I don’t think I’m ready for that and I don’t wanna push you into anything, so this can just be a way to ease into it –”
“Dean,” Cas interrupts again, though his insides are so hot that they’re threatening to melt and leak out of him. “Don’t worry, I’m not ready for that either. I think spending weeknights with each other is a wonderful idea. I’ll be there at around six, okay? I’ll just go home for an hour and relax.”
Dean nods rapidly, then leans over the counter to kiss Cas again.
“I gotta go, babe. See you tonight!”
Cas remains rooted to the spot after Dean leaves, his whole abdomen filled with butterflies. He’s such a pathetic, love-struck idiot, but he can’t really find it in himself to care. After a moment, he manages to snap himself back into reality and return to arranging his new vase of reject flowers while he waits for another customer.
As his fingers toy with a coral rose with too many decayed petals to pluck off and leave the flower intact, he freezes and a crazy idea starts to form in his head.
While closing up Beelicious, Cas’ heart hammers furiously in his chest at the thought of what he’s planning to do that night. He’s terrified…but he’s also anticipating it so much that it’s all he can think about now, and he hopes that Dean won’t say no to this because he’s actually keen to do this for the first time in…god, years.
That’s why he makes a quick stop at the store to pick up what he needs. He carefully avoids meeting the cashier’s eyes the whole time and he’s quick to shove his purchases into his trench coat pocket before leaving the store, paranoid that he’s being watched and judged all the way.
Once home, he just has the energy to stuff some pyjamas into his overnight bag before collapsing onto his couch, groaning. He so doesn’t have the energy to walk to Dean’s after a full day of work. But Dean will come and pick him up if he asks, right? Of course he will. So Cas types out a quick message and sends it, then groans again and slumps even more against his couch cushions.
His phone gives off a little bee buzz a few moments later. When he checks the notification, he smiles.
sure babe b there at 6 xx
Thank you, Dean :) xx
Butterflies fluttering in his belly, Cas drops his phone on his chest and then wriggles around until his comfortable, planning on doing absolutely nothing until Dean arrives. He’s just starting to drift off when the familiar sound of the Impala rumbles outside and he shoots upright, nervous excitement starting to pool in his stomach.
“Heya, Cas,” Dean says cheerfully as soon as he walks through the door. He’s got a bag in hand, which he dumps on the floor, and Cas doesn’t even have time to ask what it’s for before Dean’s straddling him and drawing him into a deep kiss. Mind immediately blanking, Cas leans back against the couch back with Dean, groaning into the kiss. Dean has kissed him so many times, in so many different ways, but each time he kisses Cas feels like it’s their first kiss all over again, and Cas hopes that this tingle of happiness never wears off, even if the firework-like excitement of new love does fade into long-time comfort.
“Hello, Dean,” he rasps once they separate for air. “Just let me get my bag and we can go.”
Dean pins him to the couch with one hand, glaring mock-sternly.
“Nope. You stay right there, baby. I brought my stuff, so we’re stayin’ here tonight.”
This tiny gesture cements in Cas’ mind that what he’s been agonising over all day is the right choice. He can’t remember the last time anybody apart from Balthazar has done something like this – taken care of him, rather than expecting him to cater to them – and he can’t help but tug Dean down for a messy, grateful kiss.
“Dude,” Dean says dazedly after the kiss. “I gotta go cook now or I won’t get up.”
“That wouldn’t be a bad thing,” Cas says. Dean snorts and pecks Cas on the lips, then slides off.
“It would be for my stomach. I’m starving.”
Dinner that night is very simple: toasted ham, cheese, and tomato sandwiches, which Cas wolfs down despite the melted cheese dripping all down his fingers and burning his skin and tongue. But he realises as he finishes off his last sandwich that now’s the time to put his idea into action.
“Cas?” Dean says, empty plate resting on his knees. “You okay? You just slowed right down there.”
Cas nods and quickly finishes off the last of his sandwich.
“Just nervous,” he says, grabbing Dean’s plate and taking them to dump in the kitchen sink. Screw the dishes; they can wait until tomorrow.
“Why? Not like we haven’t slept in the same bed before.”
Cas takes a deep breath to compose himself. Then, before Dean can speak up again, he crosses over to his overnight bag and rummages around.
“I…got you these.” He emerges with a bouquet of coral roses, which he presents to Dean.
“And the meaning’s got you all worked up?” Dean says as he accepts the roses. “What, do they mean something like –”
“They mean ‘desire’,” Cas blurts out. Dean freezes, staring down at the roses with wide eyes, and Cas takes another deep breath and continues. “Dean, I – I would trust you with my life. And I also trust you to – I mean –”
He groans and covers his face.
“I want to sleep with you, Dean,” he finally says, voice muffled by his hands. “And not out of obligation, like I’ve done before. I genuinely want – I trust you.”
He gets dead silence in response. Just as he’s really starting to panic, because Dean’s probably not ready either or he wasn’t expecting to be propositioned tonight or he just doesn’t want to –
“Cas…are you absolutely sure? I just wanna be completely sure that – that it isn’t obligation or whatever, ‘cause I’d sooner fly in a goddamn plane willingly than deliberately hurt –”
Stomach tingling, Cas reaches into his trench coat pocket and produces his purchases from earlier. The look on Dean’s face as he takes in the sight of the bottle of lube and box of condoms is either pure joy or pure terror, and just as Cas is about to ask him which one it is –
“Mmph!” He’s forced to use the last of his brain cells to shove his supplies back in his pocket before he’s taken hostage by Dean’s sudden, passionate kiss. They fall back onto the couch, Dean cradling Cas on top of him, and Cas loses himself in the sensation of Dean’s lips working against his and Dean’s hands roaming his back and just Dean underneath him.
“Bed, Dean, please,” Cas gasps when Dean pulls back to gulp in air. “Want you –”
The long, low groan from Dean’s mouth sends shivers down Cas’ spine. Without warning, Dean’s arms are locked around the back of his thighs and the man stumbles to his feet, Cas instinctively holding on tight with his legs so that he doesn’t fall.
“God, Cas, so beautiful,” Dean whispers against Cas’ lips as he carries Cas to the bedroom. Cas moans and crushes their lips together again, and as Dean sets him down on the bed and he’s covered by Dean’s body, he starts to lose himself in the heat of arousal that’s starting to seep through his veins. He uses his last rational thought to turn on the lamp on his bedside table so that he can actually see Dean, before finally losing all higher brain power to the primal lust descending on him.
“Dean,” he rasps, tugging at Dean’s hoodie, beyond grateful that the man’s only wearing two layers tonight. In his lust-fuelled haze, his vocabulary has been reduced to the name of his lover, and it’s all he can murmur as he eagerly tugs off Dean’s T-shirt next, leaving him with so much skin.
It’s not like they haven’t seen each other naked before. Dean is a freaking work of art and he seems to think that Cas is just as gorgeous, if the compliments he showers on Cas each time they make out or jack off or blow each other are any indication. But there’s something so different about this time, and Cas is rendered speechless as he reaches up and rests his hands on Dean’s soft belly, then slowly trails them up. Dean shivers violently when Cas skims over his nipples, and a soft groan escapes his mouth as Cas decides that playing with these gorgeous red buds is top priority right this very minute.
“God, Cas,” Dean whispers. There’s something about this atmosphere that renders them quiet, as though speaking too loud would be sacrilege, and Cas continues to drink in Dean’s hushed pants as he pinches and rolls Dean’s nipples until Dean’s finally had enough.
“Don’t leave me hangin’,” a flushed Dean says, pawing at Cas’ trench coat. Cas sits up just long enough for Dean to strip him of his coat and button-down, and then he’s sinking back into his pillows as Dean’s lips seek his out again.
Dear sweet god, there’s nothing better in the whole world than the sensation of Dean’s lips on his. Sure, the orgasms are nice, but there’s something so…pure and beautiful when they’re just kissing like this, losing themselves in each other with soft, breathy moans and little sighs and gasps.
“Up,” Dean murmurs into Cas’ mouth, fumbling with the button and zipper of Cas’ slacks. Cas obediently lifts his hips, allowing Dean to pull the pants down almost reverently, and then Dean presses one last kiss to his lips before kissing him on the forehead.
“You’re fucking amazing, Cas,” Dean says, caressing Cas’ face with one hand as he peppers tiny kisses all over it. Cas’ breath hitches, his fingers digging into Dean’s shoulders, and he tries to turn his face away from Dean but is stopped by Dean’s hand. “Hey. It’s true.”
On his way back down, Dean leaves a soft, lingering kiss on Cas’ mouth before fastening his teeth on the skin above Cas’ pulse point and sucking. Cas’ hands fly to tangle in Dean’s hair, tugging and pulling as he gasps and, unlike every other time they’ve made out, tips his head back to bare his throat for Dean. It’s this, more than anything, that really confirms to Cas just how deeply he trusts Dean; he doesn’t bare his throat for anyone, and his throat has been off-limits to everybody since Arthur. Exposing his throat means being vulnerable, being at his partner’s mercy, and he can’t stop his lust haze being penetrated by his astonishment that he enjoys being vulnerable for Dean.
“Cas?” Dean says when Cas makes a strange, sob-like sound. He stops nipping down Cas’ neck. “Are you –”
“I’m fine,” Cas says, his voice cracking. “I’m just…realising things. Good things.”
Dean smiles down at him and brushes strands of sweaty dark hair out of his eyes.
“Just make sure to tell me if you gotta stop at any time, okay?” is all he says.
Over the next half hour, Dean takes Cas apart. He kisses every inch of Cas’ front, from his head to his toes, and Cas is about two seconds from breaking down in tears when Dean finally kisses and licks back up his right leg, pausing briefly to suck a hickey into the back of Cas’ knee while Cas groans and shivers and melts into the sheets. He can’t handle this. Dean’s treating him like he’s something to be treasured and he just can’t –
“Dean,” he slurs when Dean reaches the bottom of his boxer briefs. “Please, Dean.”
“Please what, baby?” Dean says. Cas hisses and lets out a broken sound when Dean mouths at his half-hard cock through his underwear.
“Please,” Cas nearly sobs.
“Please what? Use your words, baby.”
“Dean – don’t make me beg. Please –!”
Dean looks up sharply at that.
“Did he –?” he says. Cas squeezes his eyes shut and nods, and he jumps when something feather light touches his face.
“Hey. Open your eyes, Cas.”
He can’t open them right away, but he’s rewarded with a smile and a kiss when he does.
“‘S okay, Cas,” Dean says soothingly, carding his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Boundaries, remember? Anything you don’t want is off-limits.”
“He – he used to get off on it.” Cas’ voice cracks as he struggles to stop the tears spilling from his eyes. “Said I was…so precious when I begged. He’d always – he’d make me touch and please him while denying me anything until I begged and…allowed him to – to use me as he wanted. And he – he never focused on pleasing me, Dean, and it’s too much, I love you touching and kissing me but I can’t – you can’t treat me like I matter! Why? Why are you so kind and amazing to me? When you could just – when you could ask me to do anything and I would do it because I trust you, and you don’t have to be so nice to me –”
Well, he’s clearly lost the battle against his tears, because now he’s crying loudly and brokenly. At some point, Dean had tugged him into a sitting position and pulled him into a tight hug, and Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s neck and squeezes as tightly as he can while he sobs into Dean’s shoulder.
“Don’t you get it, Cas?” Dean says into Cas’ hair. “That’s why I’m treating you like this. You fucking deserve to be loved and I’m doing it because I – fuck, because I care about you so damn much. You do matter.”
Cas shudders violently in Dean’s arms, clinging to him even tighter as his tears don’t show any sign of stopping.
“Christ, I wanna fucking kill this Arthur guy for what he’s done. You’re not something to be used and thrown away! You’re – fuck, you’re so smart, and you’re sweet and kind, and you’ve got the sexiest hair and the most gorgeous blue eyes, and you’re…you’re you, Cas. If I’m gonna shower love and attention on you, it’s ‘cause I want to and you deserve it.”
“But you’re – you still have your pants on,” Cas croaks. “You’re…focused on making me feel good but you’re not touching yourself –”
“Hey, hey. You want the truth? I get off on getting my partner off.” Dean pulls back and cups Cas’ face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs and giving Cas this freaking beautiful small smile that makes Cas want to just kiss him into oblivion and never stop. “I’ve always had to look out for others. Looked out for my brother, made sure my partners get off…caring’s just what I do. I’m not doing it ‘cause I expect anything in return or anything. Capiche?”
Cas surges forward and kisses Dean with all his might, pouring every tiny thing he feels for Dean into the kiss. Dean inhales sharply and kisses back, thumbs still caressing his cheeks.
“I capiche,” Cas says hoarsely. Dean grins.
“Good. Should we stop for the night? I’m okay if you need to –”
“Don’t you dare,” Cas growls. “I was so nervous all afternoon and I’ll be damned if I don’t have sex with you this very night.”
Dean snorts, resting his forehead against Cas’.
“We have had sex before, Cas.”
“We’ve jerked and sucked each other off. That hardly counts compared to this, Dean.”
Another snort escapes Dean.
“Fine. Lie back, then. Unless you want to –?”
“No.” Cas swallows, his gut twisting nervously as he reclines back on the bed and Dean leans down so that their foreheads are still touching. “I – I need this. Trust me, I’m nervous as hell, but I need to bottom. I…haven’t bottomed since Arthur, and that was hardly my choice once he grew to expect that of me. Meg and I had our ‘natural’ roles in a ‘heterosexual’ relationship, and Inias and I never got that far.”
Dean’s eyes light up in understanding.
“Your choice,” he says. “You gotta have that power to choose.”
Cas just nods, relieved beyond explanation that Dean gets it.
“Just remember to tell me if you need to stop at any time,” Dean orders, sliding off the bed to take his jeans and boxers off. Cas nods, already in the process of discarding of his boxer briefs, and his cock slaps against his stomach as he frees it from its confines. Dean’s eyes automatically follow the movement.
“I will, Dean.”
Standing naked next to the bed, Dean frowns as he examines Cas for a few moments. Then he smiles and bends down to pick up Cas’ discarded coat so that he can fish the lube and condoms out of the pocket.
“You’re so gorgeous, Cas,” Dean murmurs as he climbs back onto the bed and gently spreads Cas’ legs, running his hands down the backs of Cas’ thighs. “God, you don’t know how beautiful you are.”
Cas makes a small noise and tries to turn away, to hide in the pillow, but Dean gently guides his face back.
“You’re beautiful,” Dean says firmly. Cas whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut.
“Dean.”
The sound of the lube bottle clicking open is possibly the best sound he’s heard all night. There’s nothing for a moment, and then a slick finger is circling his hole and he jumps at the sudden touch.
“Shh. It’s okay.” Dean holds Cas’ hips down with his non-lubed hand, fingers splayed across Cas’ belly. “I got you, Cas.”
Dean takes his time preparing Cas, stretching him open carefully and – damn it all – almost reverently. Cas tries to buck, to fuck down on the fingers inside him, but Dean’s preventing him from doing so and it’s so maddening but so arousing. The way Dean has control over him is just perfect; he’s not domineering and ordering Cas around, but he’s definitely got control over the situation and Cas is very much fine with that. He’s not sure he could ever take charge and dominate Dean.
Finally, after what feels like forever, Dean quietly announces that Cas is ready. Cas’ gaze remains fixed on Dean as the man tries to rip open a foil packet, cursing when his lubed fingers slip, and Cas can’t help but laugh.
“Here.” He takes the packet from Dean and tears it open, then takes the condom out and guides Dean closer. He revels in the soft groans that Dean makes when he rolls the condom on over Dean’s cock, then grabs the lube to slicken it all up, and Dean hisses when Cas slowly strokes him to spread the gel.
“You ready?” Dean says, batting Cas’ hand away. Cas nods, spreading his legs as wide as he can, and Dean runs his hand down the back of Cas’ left thigh and raises that leg to Cas’ chest. Then he shifts and – oh, god. Cas squeezes his eyes shut, mouth dropping as Dean’s cock slowly pushes inside, and it’s both the best and worst feeling in the world because he just wants more and more and nothing will ever feel this good ever again.
“Dean,” he chokes when Dean bottoms out, hips flush against the backs of his legs. Dean hooks Cas’ left leg over his shoulder, then leans down and kisses Cas sweetly.
“You okay?” Dean murmurs. “Can I move, Cas?”
Cas nods frantically. Dean starts to move, pleasure sparking and jolting from Cas’ very core with every thrust, and Cas gasps and whines at the feeling of Dean’s cock sliding in and out of him and rocks his hips to meet every goddamn too slow but oh so deep thrust. But at the same time, the pace is perfect. Any faster and the ambience they’ve carefully built would most likely be shattered.
“Oh, god,” Dean pants against Cas’ lips, still fucking slow and deep. “Christ, Cas, you feel fuckin’ perfect around my cock –”
Cas lets out a long, low moan and stops gripping fistfuls of his sheets in favour of gripping fistfuls of Dean’s hair. And really, with the way Dean gasps and snaps his hips forward in response to Cas’ tugs, Dean’s hair is a much better choice.
But something’s missing. They’re so close, Dean’s literally inside Cas, but Cas can’t help feeling like something’s missing – and it’s not the fact that Dean hasn’t hit his prostate yet.
“Dean,” he says against Dean’s mouth, dropping his leg from Dean’s shoulder. Dean immediately stills, cock buried deep inside Cas.
“Everything okay?” he says. “You need to stop?”
“No. Just –” It clicks into place. “Sit up.”
Dean immediately complies, sitting back on his haunches and cradling Cas’ body to him as they arrange themselves so that Cas is straddling Dean’s lap, still impaled on Dean’s cock. This new angle drives Dean even deeper than before, and the missing pieces of the puzzle slot into place as Cas leans against Dean’s chest, head resting on his shoulder.
“That’s what was missing,” he says with a satisfied sigh, nuzzling into Dean’s neck. “We weren’t close enough.”
“Cas, I’ve literally got my dick up your ass, and you’re complaining that we’re not close enough?” Dean says, though he’s chuckling. Cas slaps him on the shoulder.
“Shut up. You know what I mean. Keep going.”
Not only does this angle let Cas take Dean deeper, but now they have a more even workload rather than Dean just thrusting into Cas. Now Cas has to bounce on Dean’s lap, while Dean grips his waist firmly but not tightly and thrusts up.
“Yes,” Cas groans, grinding his hips down, trying to find that one angle. “Yes, Dean, so good, feels so good –”
One tiny shift is all it takes. Cas freezes, his whole body suddenly so cold that it burns as icy cold fire zings through his body from deep inside his abdomen.
“Oh, god,” he chokes.
“There?” Dean says. When Cas nods, Dean starts to thrust faster, making sure to hit that spot every time, while Cas can only writhe on his lap and gasp and pant into his shoulder.
“Oh – oh my – Dean –” he babbles in a strangled voice, fumbling for Dean’s hands. Dean links their fingers together and, as he continues to thrust, they engage in their little game of squeezing back and forth – sure, Cas isn’t anxious like he usually is when they do this, but the familiar action sends heat surging through him and he lets out a breathless laugh.
“I’m close,” he whines. “Please – touch me, Dean –”
Dean obediently lets go of one of his hands in order to take Cas’ cock and pump. It takes one – two – three – four strokes before the burning ice spills from his core and overtakes his whole body, causing him to curl in on himself as his muscles spasm. The tingling in his spine travels down all four limbs and he cries out and sinks his teeth into the meat between Dean’s neck and shoulder, his free hand clamping around Dean’s left bicep so hard that it’s probably cutting off his circulation.
Whether Dean’s just that close or Cas coming triggers his own climax is unknown. All Cas knows is that it only takes a few seconds after his orgasm fades for Dean to seize up, grunting and moaning loudly as his cock swells inside Cas, and Cas is hit with the sudden wild desire to know how it would feel to have Dean actually come inside him, painting his insides with his semen. He groans softly. That’s something for another time…one where they’ve been together long enough that they can comfortably have sex without a condom.
Spent, Dean sags on Cas, who laughs and allows himself to fall back, cradling Dean to his chest. After a moment, he pushes Dean off in order to fumble around on the ground for a discarded item of clothing, and he finally gets lucky and closes his fingers around something.
“Hey,” Dean complains half-heartedly when he sees that it’s his shirt that Cas grabbed to clean the spunk off their bellies. “Use your own damn shirt.”
Cas just laughs and drops Dean’s shirt back on the floor, then carefully rolls the condom off Dean’s spent cock and ties a knot in it before dropping it on top of Dean’s shirt. That done, he snuggles into Dean’s side, purring softly when Dean’s arm wraps around him.
“Thank you, Dean,” he says. “I needed that.”
“It was good? You didn’t hate any of it?”
“No. I actually felt…empowered. I made that choice, Dean. I made the choice to bottom. I made the choice to keep going. And I made the choice to use your shirt to clean up.”
Dean snorts at that last one, his free hand taking one of Cas’ while the other one starts to stroke Cas’ hair.
“Thank you,” Cas says again. “For proving that I really can trust you. I still had some doubts but…Dean, you’re just amazing. And I don’t ever want to lose you.”
Dean leans down to press a sweet kiss to his lips.
“Trust me, Cas. You’ll have me for as long as you want me.”
Cas smiles at that. And when he wakes up the next day, on one of Dean’s days off, and finds himself still wrapped in a snoozing Dean’s loose embrace, he smiles again and closes his eyes. He can afford to be a little late in opening up Beelicious. After all, he’s never felt safer than right now, in Dean’s arms.