Chapter Text
Lup remembers when she was very little making a list about what she wanted to do when she grew up. The exact details of that list are fuzzy, but most of the bullet points still stand out in her memory:
One, become a mad scientist.
Every science fiction movie taught her that scientists have the coolest fucking job ever . Mixing weird chemicals together, wearing a dope ass lab coat, blowing shit up? Hell yes. Forget being a movie star or magical fairy princess. The STEM route is the way to go.
Two, become a trillionaire.
Everybody wants to be fabulously wealthy, just some people are more open about their greed than others. Lup doesn’t consider herself materialistic (at her current age and in her adolescent years) but she can’t help but buy a lottery ticket every time she stops at a gas station. Gotta keep the dream alive after all. Still, it seems silly now, since she is a homeowner and her financial state is quite snug currently.
Three, live in a haunted mansion.
Whenever watching reruns of Richie Rich on cable as a child, Lup always got frustrated on how clean and perfect that spoiled brat’s house was. Everywhere she had been shipped off to wasn’t without it’s problems, and for every renovation there was a tile that was slightly out of line with the others. There is no such thing as a dream home and that’s that. However , after “borrowing” a friend’s copy of Luigi’s Mansion in grade school, she could definitely see the appeal of staying in a haunted, rundown, broken mansion. Living it up with a bunch of ghost buddies, sucking up the evil ones with a vacuum cleaner, not having to worry about snooty neighbors because no one will even want to come near the property? HELL YES.
The list goes on and on. Buy a binicorn (a unicorn with two horns, because one is just not enough), travel the world and visit all the candy stores, get kicked out of a Walmart just for kicks and giggles, see Jimmy Buffett in person, etc, etc, etc. Most of her wishes make her out to be your average, weird ten year old (or however old she was when she made that list).
Except for the last one.
Twenty Five, always be best friends with my brother.
Lup had seen every late eighties, early nineties sitcom that ever aired. In every one of those shows, the white suburban family always has a couple of kids or two. Whatever the premise of the show was (hiding an alien from the rest of the neighborhood, dealing with a zany brother-in-law, balancing life as a psychiatrist and a parent) the siblings in the show always seemed to be bickering. Yeah, all siblings get into a tussle or two once in awhile, but there was something about how the kids would fight about something and apologize for it later, only to be fighting about something else in the next episode. Their issues with each other never seemed to end and Lup knew that it would only be a matter of time before the bridge between the siblings was broken forever. That’s what their aunt said happened between her and their uncle.
Taako, her twin brother, is the only person who stayed a constant presence in her life. Since birth, the two of them were there for each other, through thick and thin. Being taken away from their parents, their aunt’s death, the dozens of foster homes they were sent to, coming out as a girl. Taako was always right there , with a kind smile and a small joke to help her get through the day. He was her partner in crime, the peanut butter to her jelly (even if he was allergic to peanuts), her best friend. Her everything.
So of course, life found a way to tear them apart from each other.
Looking back on it now, even after having years to reflect on the events and cope, Lup still can’t believe any of it happened. They had finally found a family they both liked. A couple with two kids who treated them like they were their own. House in a nice cul de sac with a white picket fence and a golden retriever. It was the exact image the front cover of magazines had been taunting them with all their lives.
But living with the perfect family came at a catch. Only one of them could stay and they chose Lup.
Both of them knew why. The family had money but not enough to support four kids. Plus, the two of them were growing up, which meant Lup’s body was going to go through changes she didn’t want to have. The family was her ticket to getting the treatments she needed to feel more like the lady she would soon become.
She traded a better body for her brother. How fucked up is that?
There was nothing they could have done, no matter how hard Lup fought to keep Taako with her or for them to both leave. She refused to live without him. She couldn’t. How could she ever face another day without Taako at her side?
It was Taako, Taako of all people, who finally convinced her to let him go. Taako, who couldn’t go sleeping by himself for only a couple of hours in fear that he would wake up and no one would be there. Taako, who had panic attacks for months after their aunt passed away and were sent into foster care. Taako, who would yell at the teachers in school if Lup was ever placed in a different class than him. Taako, her entire world, decided that it was better if he get left behind.
Lup didn’t talk to her new family for weeks after child services took him away. She locked herself in her new room and ate the food her new parents left outside for her.
The trauma of it all has never left her. Lup wonders if she should have ran away and tried to find Taako before he was moved off to another family. Maybe they should have made better plans to stay in touch with each other before her new family packed up and moved away. Maybe she should have put that wish on the top of her list, or have made that her only wish entirely.
But there is nothing they could have done, and there is nothing Lup can do now. All she can do is continue to remain bitter and angry about it.
She is forever grateful that her new parents helped her go through the treatment she needed, and for the roof that hung over her head, and the food placed on the table three times a day. She is forever grateful to their real kids who were always nice to her and included her in everything they did unless she refused to join them. Never once has she ever squandered the kindness they gave to her.
Yet, she can never find it in her heart to forgive them for what happened. Maybe she never will.
As for the rest of the list, most of her wishes did go up in flames. She never got her binicorn or traveled anywhere out of the United States, mainly because she never became the trillionaire every dreams of becoming.
That doesn’t mean some of them didn't come true.
Most people in school knew Lup was one smart cookie. Paying attention in class payed off after high school when she was handed a scholarship for IPRE College, the Institute of Planetary Research and Exploration in Austin, Texas. The gist of the school was studying a bunch of weird and wacky stuff all over the world and coming closer to understanding everything about the planet Earth, as well as allowing their students to major in other science things.
Lup was a thousand percent on board and left for Austin as soon as she possibly could.
There were several fields of science Lup could have chosen to major in, but chemistry was always something that grabbed onto her as a kid and never let her go. Chemistry turned out to be a pretty fantastic choice since her teacher, Professor Davenport, was completely dedicated to to his field of knowledge, but laid-back enough to handle all the teasing the class threw at him. He was a class act and the dorky uncle Lup never had.
Speaking of dorky, if Lup had never chosen chemistry to major in, she never would have met the love of her life, Barry Bluejeans.
As if the last name wasn’t already the craziest thing in the world, Lup could never imagine that about a year after they both received their bachelor degrees they would be hitched to one another. The first day Lup met Barry, they were both partnered up to work on a fairly challenging project, and the man was a mess. He was stressed out about the deadline, worried beyond belief that they wouldn’t have enough time to finish the research. Thankfully for Barry, he had no idea his lab partner was a pro when it came to all-nighters, and the two of them pulled several to get the project done.
As the weeks rolled by and the nights dragged on, Barry became more comfortable around Lup and eventually started opening up about himself. Lup learned that his family had lived in Texas all his life and he was the second oldest child among his four other siblings.
“Wowza, that’s a lot of kiddos,” Lup remembers commenting.
“Oh yeah. Our house only had one bathroom so things got crowded very easily. I used to go weeks without getting a shower.”
“Gross!”
She also learned that Barry was a huge fucking nerd. Every single sci-fi or fantasy series she asked him about was apparently his forte. Lord of the Rings ? Yes. Voltron ? Yep. Star Wars ? Of course .
“I once skipped school just to go see The Phantom Menace ,” he confessed to her one night.
Lup gasped. “I never pictured you as a bad boy, Barold”
Barry’s face flushed. “I-It was the only time I did it. The anxiety was too much to handle and, frankly, the movie sucked. It wasn’t worth it.”
Their hard worked paid off in the end. They received the highest grade in the class and agreed to work on all group projects together from now on. Years went on and their partnership turned into a relationship. It was a bit of a slow burn, in Lup’s opinion, but falling in love with Barry opened up something inside of her that had been dormant for a long time. After losing Taako, Lup was convinced that she couldn’t allow herself to become as attached to anyone ever again. The pain that came from the loss and the fear of what she had left to lose were too much. It was better to become acquainted with people than to put down her walls and let them in.
But Barry had wandered up to her fortress, and after politely knocking on the steel door, waited patiently for her to come out. It was obvious he had been head over heels with her long before Lup ever was with him, but even when she noticed, she had been too afraid to act. Barry had become her closest friend and losing him would leave a scar.
There was also the fear that her love for Barry would replace her love for Taako.
It seems stupid now, but all she had left of her brother was his memories. What if the new ones she formed with Barry erased the ones she made with her brother?
But time went on and the two of them fell deeply in love, to the point where Lup couldn’t imagine living the rest of her life without him. Their lives were a series of music notes that had been woven together to form a beautiful melody.
Lup remembers the moment right before they graduated when the two of them were talking about their futures, debating on what they would do once they had been handed their degrees, and realizing with a start that she didn’t want Barry to leave her. Neither of them had even brought up the subject of their relationship yet, but she had grabbed his hand and looked him dead in the eyes.
“Barry, I love you.”
Barry had gone ruby red. “I-I do too, Lup.”
“No, Barry, I...I love you .” All of her thoughts burst out all at once. She told him about her childhood, about Taako, and how they were separated. By the end of it all, she was out of breath and there was a lump in her throat that nearly choked her. “I-I...I don’t want to lose you like...like I lost him.”
Barry wrapped her up in a tight embrace and she gladly accepted it, hiding her tears in his shirt. “It’s okay, Lup. Let it out. It’s okay. I’m right here and I’m not planning on changing that anytime soon. I love you so, so much Lup...I’m right here.”
And after three years, two of those spent in happy matrimony, he still is.
The two of them make their own list their first year as husband and wife, this time of things they want to do together.
One, buy their own house.
When Lup and Barry were first wed, they had absolutely no where to go except Barry’s family home. No offense to the Blupjeans family but the two of them would have rather live somewhere with more than one toilet. Unfortunately for them, the housing market in Austin was moving too quickly for them to keep up with. The possibility that they would have to move in with Barry’s family was imminent, almost certain.
That was, until their second wish came true.
Two, get jobs.
As soon as they graduated, both Barry and Lup sent out their resumes to over a dozen organizations. They were fresh out of college with student loans to pay off and the itch to buy a house fresh on their minds. They needed money and to get money, they needed jobs.
So when Barry got a job application in the mail for a pharmaceutical company all the way out in Lynchburg, Virginia, they jump for the opportunity.
Less than two days after Barry got the offer, they are already packed up and driving across the country. Lup was buzzing with energy. This was it, the start of their journey together as newlyweds. Soon Barry would have a job and she’d find one for herself and they’d have a house and an income and everything they would need to give themselves a stable future. They could buy a dog, have a kickass kitchen, and just be happy together.
But there could be so much more waiting for her in Lynchburg. It was the city Taako and her had lived in before they were split up. He could be there. She might see her brother again after all this time.
The day they arrived, the two of them booked a hotel and fished Barry’s one and only dress shirt out of their luggage for his job interview. He aced the interview and came back hours later with a huge smile on his face.
“Welp, I’m an analytical chemist now. Wanna pull up Zillow on my phone?”
Lynchburg was much more forgiving in the housing market than Austin and before long, the two of them had a down payment on a cozy little split level in a quiet neighborhood. The house only required a couple of small renovations (most of them Lup took care of easily while Barry was a work) before it finally left like their own. The bedrooms and the living room were repainted and the carpet had to be replaced the basement. When Lup finally found a job as a chemical engineer, Barry took over and fixed up the rest of the house.
They were so happy, and three years later they still are. But two wishes on their list still remain unfulfilled.
Three, find Taako.
Once everything settled down and Lup found the time, she started her search for his long lost twin. Countless google searches only led her to actual taco recipes, and for the first time in forever, Lup hated that her brother shared a name so similar to the popular tex mex food. The internet was getting her nowhere and the search results only became worse as the years passed on. Eventually, her chest ached too much from hitting so many dead ends and life drove her away from her search.
Their fourth wish comes up in question once in awhile, but has often been put aside until later. It’s something most married couples seem to have (or are pressured to have in some cases) and it scares Lup to death.
It’s late one night when it comes up again. After weeks working their asses off, the two of them are finally blessed with a weekend to simply spend time with one another. To kick off their tiny staycation, Barry suggests they pull up netflix and have a movie night. It takes a while to find anything decent worth watching, but soon enough Lup is curled up next to Barry, a large bowl of buttery popcorn in between them, as a generic action movie plays out on the screen in front of them.
Lup slowly devours half of the popcorn bowl as the movie goes on, barely paying attention to the action heroes on screen shooting at shit and instead concerned about her husband. Barry has a frown on his face, his eyebrows scrunched up tightly together. He hasn’t touched a single kernel of corn the entire night, which is alarming because Lup nows for a fact that he loves popcorn. If Barry were placed on a deserted island and told he could only eat one type of food the entire time he was stranded, he would have a harder deciding what type of popcorn he would want to eat more.
“You okay, babe?” Lup asks between mouthfuls.
“Huh?” Barry jolts, shaken out of his trance. “Y-yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
Lup shrugs. “You looked like you spaced out there. Sure there’s nothing on your mind?’
She can tell how Barry hesitates before answering by the quiver in his lips. “No, it’s...it’s nothing. I was just...thinking.”
“Thinking about what?’
“Oh...you know. Just…” He trails off and lowers his gaze to the floor.
Lup sighs. “Alright.” She sits up, carefully cradling the popcorn bowl in her arms to keep it from spilling over. “What’s bothering you? C’mon, I know there’s something on your mind. You’re doing the nervous face. Y’know, the one where you’re pouting and looking away from me?”
“I’m not...pouting?” Barry looks at her quizzically
Lup nudges him playfully. “You are, hon, but it’s super adorable when you do. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
Barry’s frown darkens. He takes a deep breath, then releases it slowly. “You remember Greg Grimaldis?”
Lup scowls. “How could I forget? That fucker still owes me fifteen dollars.”
Barry laughs, but his smile quickly fades. “Well, he’s been bringing his daughter to work this past week because of some issue they have with her old daycare but...he asked me earlier to day if I could watch her for a few hours and she...s-she’s a really sweet kid…”
Lup’s pulls the popcorn bowl closer to her chest. “Barry...does this have to do with us having kids?”
Barry’s cheeks turn pink. “I...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up-”
“No! No, it’s...it’s okay,” Lup sighs. She puts the popcorn bowl down on the floor and turns so she is fully facing him. “We do...we do need to talk about it.”
“But I know you’re not comfortable on the subject-” Barry tries to object.
“I’m not, but it’s important.” Lup reaches over and takes his hand. “You know I don’t like talking about it because...because of what happened to me and Taako. I don’t-no...I know the two of us would never get divorced or be in any way incapable of raising another human being on our own. And even if we did, it would never be as ugly as what happened between my biological parents.”
Barry nods, biting his lip. “And I know you’re worried about what the kid would ever have to go through if we ever did.”
This is certainly not news to either of them, but the words hit Lup like a bullet to the chest. “Y-Yeah...that, too.” She shuts her eyes and wills herself not to become emotional. They need to get through this conversation just like they always do. “I’m just...not ready yet, okay? Maybe...maybe one day.”
When she opens her eyes, Barry is looking right back at her. His eyes are glossed over and despite his forbearing smile on his face, Lup can see his disappointment as well. “Yeah...one day. Um...I think I’m gonna hit the hay early tonight. The movie’s just not really grabbing me.”
Lup forces herself to smile back at him. “O-Okay, sweetie. I’ll be there soon.”
“Right.” Barry leans over and gives her a kiss. It’s too short. There’s no passion behind it and he pulls away before Lup can fully kiss back. “Good night.”
“Good night-” She barely gets out before Barry stands up and retreats down the hall to their bedroom.
Once he’s out of view, Lup grabs the nearest throw pillow and shoves her face into it. Damn it damn it damn it this sucks this sucks this sucks, she repeats internally over and over again. They didn’t even say they loved each other before Barry went to bed. Correction, before Barry left because he didn’t want to be near her.
It has to be what? The tenth time they’ve had that conversation? Every time they talk about the idea of having kids, it creates this boundary between them. Normally, they shake it off after a week or so, but they finally got an off week together; a rarity in their lines of work. Lup doesn’t want this weekend to be super shitty and uncomfortable.
It stings every time she has to ask Barry to wait, because she hates to hurt him. She hates it, she hates it, she hates herself. More than anything, Lup wishes she could just shake off the doubts in her head and the iron coils in her stomach. She wants Barry to be happy, and part of her wants to have a kid of their own, but the other part of her is telling her that is is better for everyone if they don’t.
God, if only she could shut herself up.
When Lup finally pulls her head out of the throw pillow, the movie is over and the credits are over. Lup can’t even remember what the movie was even about. It had something to do with ripped guys and guns. She tosses the pillow to the side and stands up, only to immediately put her foot right in the abandoned popcorn bowl.
“ Ooooooof course. Of course, of course, of course.”
Lup disposes of the foot popcorn and puts the bowl in the sink to wash later. Through the window above the sink, she can see the mom, shining ever so bright, hanging high up in the night sky. The stars surrounding it aline themselves into brilliant constellations.
“Ursa major, ursa minor, Auriga…”
Why does she know so much about astronomy and not enough about dealing with her issues?
Lup leans back against the kitchen counter. She really doesn’t want to go to bed. At this late in the night, Barry should be fast asleep, but seeing him is only going to make her feel worse. She looks behind her shoulder towards the dining room table and sees her laptop sitting on top of it.
“Fuck it.”
Lup pulls out a chair, slowly enough so it doesn’t make enough noise to wake Barry up. She pulls her laptop over towards her and opens it up, hitting the power button. It takes about half a minute for the thing to turn on, which is a relief. Her computer has stuck with her since her senior year of high school, making it an ancient relic at this point. It’s a miracle it even still turns itself on.
Automatically, she scrolls her mouse over to the internet icon and opens up a new tab. The home page is already set up on Google so there is not much effort put in on her part. She types in the same name she has been typing into the search bar for three years now.
Taako Taaco .
With a soft click, she hits enter and waits for the results to pour in. What will it be this time? An ad for Taco Bell ? A recipe on Food Network ? Another themed Pinterest board? There’s no reason for her to think otherwise after all this time-
Sizzle It Up!
Now that is new. Lup clicks on the first link that appears on the page. She is redirected to a website for a family-style restaurant in Chicago, Illinois. The menu seems quite appetizing, including a wide variety of options to chose from from several different types of food. Italian, Mexican, Homestyle, and many others. Lup finds her stomach start to grumble.
After checking out the menu and the catering service, she clicks on the option at the top that says ABOUT THE CHEF in fancy yellow letters.
The moment the page loads up, Lup’s heart stops.
...Taako Taaco, 25, is the owner of Sizzle It Up! and works there as the executive chef. He currently lives in Chicago, Illinois with his son, Angus.
See also: Ren Griesenbeck (sous chef), Joaquin Terrero (stationary chef)…
Lup can’t breathe. She can’t think. She can’t do anything but stare. This has to be too good to be true. She’s been searching for so long. Surely it shouldn’t have been this easy, right?
Then she sees the picture beside Taako’s name. The man grinning back at her looks nearly exactly like her. He still even has the same gap in between his front two teeth.
It’s him.
Lup grabs the laptop and runs to their bedroom. Her feet stamp against the hardwood floor as fast as lighting and as loud as thunder. Without even thinking, she throws the door open and lets it slam against the wall with a loud smack!
Barry jumps up with a shriek, tossing their bed sheets aside violently. Without his glasses, it takes a minutes for him to make her out. “Lup? What’s wrong? Are you okay?!”
“Barry, I found him. I found him, Barry, I found Taako.”
The tension between them is gone in an instant. Barry hand fumbles to find his glasses on his bedside table. “What?! You found him? How?! ”
Lup can’t say anything, too shocked and too emotional to find the right words She thrust her laptop into Barry’s lap and forces him to read for himself.
“Oh my God…” Barry breathes. “You found him . I guess...we call the restaurant in the morning and get in touch with him…?”
Lup still can’t find her words. Hot tears are streaming down her face. Without meaning to, she lets out a strangled sob.
“Lup?” Barry quickly wraps his arms around her. “Lup, you did it! He’s okay! He has a restaurant and a son! He’s alright!”
“I-I kn-now,” Lup cries, her voice muffled by Barry’s chest and the saliva piling up in her throat. “I’m so h-happy ...oh my God, it’s Taako... it’s -”
She breaks down completely, too overwhelmed to do anything but cry openly and freely. Barry runs a hand up and down her back, whispering reassurances into her ear to calm her down. It’s all so much and she wants to call the restaurant right now, even if they aren’t open. She just wants to hear her brother’s voice again. She wants to see him again. She wants to wrap Taako up in a gigantic hug and never, ever let him go again.
All she has to do is wait until the morning.
Despite waiting a previous thirteen years, the morning seems even farther away.