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Incident 1: Lucy Lane
The first time that Astra encounters the Feeling, it catches her unaware, as she is hit in the face with it quite unexpectedly, after walking into Alex’s apartment one night.
“These Kardashians of yours are up to something baffling again.” she comments, as she pushes open the door to the apartment, while still perusing the news article that had bemused her. “I know I said I wanted to learn more of Earth’s culture, but this is not what I had in-”
Her voice dies out when she looks up from the magazine, to see Alex struggling to zip an impressively short black dress up her body, some very colourful curses coming out of her as she fails to get it all the way up.
“Fuck, I think it caught.” Alex says, twisting around to check. “Help me with this, will you?”
Astra shuts her mouth, suddenly aware that it’s open, and mechanically moves over to Alex to do as requested.
“And they’re not my Kardashians.” Alex says, when Astra reaches for the small of her back with much the same timidity that she would approach a Cyvillian sea viper with. “When I said you should read the news more, I was thinking more like National City Weekly, not the tabloids.”
Replying suddenly seems as difficult as curvature-inclusive navigational mathematics to Astra, as she begins to pinch the fabric together and tug the zipper free, gently as her Kryptonian strength would allow.
“You don’t wear this type of attire often.” she says, working around the dryness in her throat. (She really needs to talk to Alex about her faulty air conditioner.)
“Recon mission.” Alex grumbles by way of answer. “Edge is holding some kind of party for his major shareholders tonight, and Lucy managed to score an invite. She thought we might go together as a couple, see what he’s up to now.”
Though her voice is steady, she seems to be vibrating with a nervous energy.
“Stay still.” Astra says, her voice coming out rougher than intended, from the dryness no doubt. She moves the newly freed zipper slowly upwards, and then, “Why do you need to pretend to be together with Agent Lane, to find out what Morgan Edge is up to?”
“To not rouse suspicion.” Alex says, sounding more than a little defensive as she twists around to face Astra, skin shifting under her hands through the sheer fabric. “Don’t tell me you’ve never done recon missions like this in your career.”
“No.” Astra stays stiffly, aware that it’s her hands, and not Alex’s body, that are unsteady now. “I was not that kind of soldier.”
“Well, I’m every kind of DEO agent.” Alex grumbles. “If showing up to an invitation-only party and falling all over Edgelord’s guests is going to give me the goods on what he’s up to, I’m willing to try it.”
Astra merely nods, tight-lipped, and wordlessly steps aside as Alex heads out of the door. She resists for all of five seconds as Alex walk towards the elevator, before following her, a silent shadow accompanying her way down.
Lucy is already waiting in the parking lot as they enter, and gives them a jaunty wave, leaning against Alex’s motorbike.
(Which isn’t simply a motorbike, as Astra had learned after a passionate lecture from Alex. It is apparently a “Ducati” which, by the way Alex emphasizes the title, confers upon it an honour not bestowed to other bikes that are not “Ducati”s.)
“You’re travelling in that death trap?” she huffs. “How reckless.”
“Says the woman who jumped right into Kryptonite fire last week to push Kara out of the way?” Alex asks, eyebrows raised at her. “Who are you to be talking about anyone else’s recklessness?”
“That’s different.”
“Uh-huh.” Alex replies, but her voice is concerned. “You look a bit pale, are you okay?”
“I’m all right.” Astra says.
“Hurry up, Danvers.” Lucy says, walking up to them. “I won’t hear the end of it from Lois if we end up missing the party, after everything she did to get me the tickets.”
Alex hesitates, looking searchingly at Astra one more time. Astra nods her forward, because she’s all right. Very much all right.
Just like she is totally all right when Lucy puts an arm around Alex’s waist to urge her forward, before turning back to her.
“Don’t worry, general.” Lucy says, with a smirk at Alex and a wink in Astra’s direction. “I’ll bring her back safe and sound.”
She settles behind Alex on the bike, arms tight around her waist, and it is then that Astra becomes aware of the Feeling for the first time. It is something heavy and dreadful settling in her stomach, followed by an powerful urge to scorch something with her heat vision, preferably the tires off that bike.
---
Incident 2: Maggie Sawyer
Lucy, as it unfortunately turns out, is only patient zero.
The second time Astra encounters the Feeling, the DEO has tracked Maxwell Lord and Roulette to a nighttime rendezvous, after a two months of tracking them in relation to an alien fighting ring. Of course, the brilliant minds at the DEO and NCPD put their heads together, and come up with an elaborate ruse to apprehend the fugitive. A chief part of this ruse seems to include rather a large number of DEO agents and NCPD officers in disguise at an upscale restaurant.
“I don’t like this, Alex.” Astra says, driving the Martian-spaceship-turned-car into a parking lot right in front of Chez Simone’s, a restaurant similar to every other fine dining restaurant in National City’s downtown core. ”You should let me go in, and have Kara run security.”
“Kara is busy running around for that new assignment of hers that Snapper set her on.” Alex says firmly, from the back seat. “I’m not bothering her over a single roundup. This is my op; just stay here, and keep an eye out, okay?”
“The entire restaurant, other than Lord and Sinclair, are DEO and NCPD plants.” Detective Sawyer, the person in charge of the operation from the NCPD’s side, puts in. “We’ll be fine.”
She exits the car almost immediately after that, giving instructions into her hidden communication device, but Alex lingers behind a few seconds. When Astra turns back to her inquiringly, she is staring at her grave-faced.
“Don’t come in there, alright?” she murmurs. “I don’t want those two taking a look at you, or what you can do.”
“You’re telling me to be safe, when you’re walking into possible gunfire wearing that?” Astra shoots back, giving a once-over at Alex’s sheer attire, and not sure whether to be amused or irritated or just... worried.
Alex’s replying smile is entirely too smug.
“Why are you noticing what I’m wearing, general?” she counters.
There’s a crack of plastic cracking under strain. Astra hastily loosens her grip on the steering wheel, and sneaks a glance backwards at Alex, who still has that mystifying smirk on her face.
“Just stay here.” she repeats, exiting the van and following Detective Sawyer into the restaurant. “And stop wrecking the car. J’onn will kill me if anything happens to it.”
As Alex walks in, and the night proceeds, Astra studies the scene through the walls of the restaurant as planned, assessing the proceedings with her Kryptonian vision. The restaurant is a picture-perfect dining experience, filled to capacity with couples and a few groups, all of them seemingly on an innocuous night out. Astra, though, can pick out their hidden weapons easily. At the nearest corner table, there is the gun tucked into the seemingly doting husband’s waistband, the bulge of it hidden by his suit. There’s a matching one tucked into his companion’s purse, both weapons the same alien-origin DEO issue that Alex uses. That group in the far corner, somewhat raucous, seem to be celebrating a colleague’s birthday, but all of them have tucked away in their pocket the standard semi-automatics issued to NCPD officers. Every single occupant in that restaurant is armed to the teeth, and it does nothing at all to allay Astra’s unrest.
An unrest which is accompanied by something akin to nausea, when she turns from her scrutiny of the other tables to the one nearest to Lord’s and Roulette’s, where Alex and Detective Sawyer are seated, the candlelight setting pitting their faces in soft shadow. The detective makes a comment, and Alex smiles, and there is another crack.
Astra stares down at the steering wheel, which has utterly come out of its groove, from the strength she had clutched it with.
“Fixing that is coming out of your monthly stipend, general.” Director J’onn J’onnz’s exasperated voice sounds in her ear, through the communication device, making Astra start slightly. “I’ll remind you that’s a 1000-year old space ship that you’re mangling.”
Astra scoffs, aware that the sound is missing its usual bite. Before she can follow up with a cutting comment about Martian technology to save face, an altercation inside the restaurant catches her attention.
Lord, it seems has figured out their cover, and is drawing his gun on Alex, saying something that Astra is too distracted by his actions to catch. She doesn’t bother with waiting for the Director’s confirmation, before blasting the gun out of his hand with her heat vision, unheeding of the distance and walls in her way. That being done, she speeds into the restaurant just in time to knock away a second attack from Roulette aimed at Alex, sending the woman sprawling to the ground.
“Astra!” Alex only growls, when Astra turns back to take stock of her. “What the fuck?”
Astra simply turns back to corral Lord and Roulette into submission, to be handed over to the custody of the evening-clothed operatives rushing towards the table.
“You were supposed to stay in the car.” Alex hisses, walking back to her side, in between giving orders to the DEO agents looking at her for direction.
“You’re welcome, Alex.” Astra snipes right back. “When should I have stayed back? When Lord was aiming the gun at you, or when Roulette was going for your throat?”
“I had it.”
“But I could help.”
“I just-” Alex sighs, looking towards the exit, at the two humans now being escorted into an NCPD patrol car. “I just don’t want them getting any ideas about you.”
“I’m a soldier.” Astra stays stubbornly. “Just as much as you. You don’t get to shield me, Alex.”
“Nice hit, G.I. Jane.” Maggie comments, walking over to them, and breaking up the argument with her proximity. “Right through the wall and everything.”
She turns to Alex before Astra can answer.
“Your guys can take it from here, right? Only, I was supposed to meet Kate for a dinner date tonight, and I’m already 30 minutes late.”
Alex gestures around at the DEO agents securing the scene. Detective Sawyer nods and begins to walk away, and Astra struggles with herself, before calling out to the retreating woman.
“Wait.” she says, and when Maggie looks back. “I will take you there. It will take you less time, that way.”
When she gets back from dropping the detective off at the restaurant she had specified, Alex is done directing the agents cleaning up the scene, and is walking up to Astra with a small smile, as she lands.
“You didn’t have to do that.” she says, all the rancour from before seemingly gone from her voice.
Astra shrugs, feeling a little uncomfortable, but unable to look away from that slight smile.
“It was hardly out of my way.”
“Look at you, going around helping people just because.” Alex says, the smile slipping a little wider to one side. “We’ll make a law-abiding citizen out of you yet, general.”
Astra scoffs, and Alex smiles even wider, but Astra doesn’t feel like smiling back. She remembers how Alex had looked in the restaurant, and there’s that Feeling again, making her positively ill.
And this time, Astra knows that, as a repeat occurrence, it cannot be ignored. She would have to do some research, and pin down this feeling.
---
Research
“You like picking on people?” Burt Hummel is saying on screen, pushing a youth up against a locker by his scruff. “Why don’t you try me?”
Astra mutes the television, though her gaze seems transfixed to the screen, as the father berates some youth for being so cruel to his son.
Here, it seems, lies the solution to her problem.
Alex has been nothing but kind to her, had extended her the olive branch on that rooftop despite having no reason to do so, had offered to watch Astra under house arrest because Kara had pleaded for her aunt to not be placed in a cell at the DEO. She has taken care of her, even though Astra knows that she is not the easiest woman to live with.
And this, Astra thinks, studying the silenced screen, is how she has repaid her. By feeling utterly revolted at the mere thought of Alex with a woman.
Astra nods to herself grimly, turning the show off. It is clear now what the source of her troubling feelings are. This show... Kara had been utterly right about it being educational of the human - or humane - condition. Thanks to it, Astra now knows exactly what she is feeling.
---
A working hypotheses
“Kara.” Astra announces gravely, in the midst of regular Friday breakfast with her niece. “I am homophobic.”
She is extremely offended when Kara only stares at her for a full ten seconds - Astra counts them - before bursting into such loud laughter that occupants of nearby tables in the cafe stare at them.
>>“Is that supposed to be a joke, Aunt Astra?”<< her niece asks, in low-pitched Kryptonese, when her amusement dies down.
“This is a serious matter, Kara.” Astra says, trying not to let her voice stiffen up, and resisting the urge to storm off.
“Ok I’ll bite.” Kara says, switching back, in the tone of someone who’s clearly humoring her. “Why would you think you’re homophobic?”
“I don’t know how to tell you.” Astra admits, looking down at her plate to avoid Kara’s scrutinizing gaze. “It concerns Alex.”
“You have a problem with Alex... dating women?” Kara guesses.
Astra just continues looking down at her food.
“Aunt Astra,” Kara starts reasonably, gesturing with her fork. “I’ve literally been talking to you about my girlfriend for the last 45 minutes, and you’ve been fine with it. So, why would you have a problem with Alex?”
“Well, I don’t know how else to explain my reaction, everytime I see her with a ‘date’.” Astra says feeling more and more partial to shooting straight up through the roof into the sky, in favour of avoiding this conversation. “Perhaps it’s homophobia that’s very specifically aimed at one person.”
Kara scoffs.
“Okay...” she draws the word out skeptically. “So you’re saying you’re only specifically homophobic towards Alex and whoever she dates?”
Just having Kara put such a concept in words triggers that gut reaction of nausea and hurt, settling in Astra’s stomach and instantly taking all her appetite away, painful in a way she cannot describe, or can ever remember having experienced before.
“Never mind, Little One.” she mutters, avoiding her niece’s gaze and waving the matter away. “It was nothing; I shouldn’t have bothered you with it.”
Kara just stares at her askance.
“Specific homophobia.” she repeats. “You know that’s not a thing, right?”
Astra makes a non committal noise, and spends the rest of brunch moodily staring down into her breakfast, while Kara shakes her head and goes back to demolishing her own.
---
Incident 3: Susan Vasquez
Astra is quite fond of Agent Susan Vasquez. The woman is unafraid of her in a way that most of the other DEO agents aren’t. She’s clever and snarky and Astra finds it endlessly entertaining, even when the quips are aimed at her. It’s refreshing, talking to a human who is entirely unafraid of her.
Yes, Astra likes Agent Vasquez quite a lot.
Until the night when Alex mysteriously leaves work earlier than Astra has ever seen her do so, and a passing mention from Kara lets Astra know that she’s gone with Agent Vasquez to watch some movie downtown.
And then, suddenly, Astra realizes that she doesn’t like Agent Vasquez as much as she had thought. And she likes the thought of her with Alex even less. Which, even Astra allows, is ridiculous.
She doesn’t mean to take herself to M’gann’s bar to think, but there aren’t many other places for a reformed Kryptonian general to go in National City, where she can let her guard down. And so, Astra finds herself that night at the only alien-run bar in National City, trying to drown her thoughts with target practice.
She plays a set of darts against a Tamaranean, and wins handily, before the girl wanders off, bored, leaving Astra to take her frustrations out alone on the target board.
So. Alex is off on another outing. One, it seems, that doesn’t even have anything to do with subterfuge or disguise.
And that is - as Kara would say - fine . Perfectly fine, Astra thinks, savagely pinning a dart dead center to its target.
Why shouldn’t Alex have some fun? What she decides to do in her spare time, and whose company she decides to keep, is none of Astra’s business. However unwell the thought may make her feel, would not change one iota of the fact that Alex is accorded her own choices and wishes, and Astra has absolutely no say in them.
She pins two more darts to the board in similar fashion, before she makes her way back to M’gann at the counter, and puts her empty glass - her second of the night - down expectantly.
“Are you sure you should be ordering another shot so soon?” the Martian asks, eyebrow raised. “You know Tyrian spirits can knock even a Kryptonian out flat, if you’re careless.”
“I’m fine.” Astra says.
“I don’t think you are.” M’gann says, bemused. “I’ve never known you to go beyond one glass, Astra.”
Before Astra can argue her case further, she becomes aware of a commotion behind her. It’s the sound of voices embroiled in an argument, that have been steadily increasing in volume, until they now penetrate above the general din of bar conversation.
“It’s the Daxamites again.” M’gann says, sounding aggravated, following her gaze to the sound. “Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t the only bar in the city that caters to aliens.”
Astra frowns, as one of the men arguing aims a punch at the other, making him sprawl backwards into another patron’s table.
“Astra, leave them alone.” M’gann says, tugging her back, as she puts her glass back down and turns towards the altercation. “I’ve got guys to take care of this.”
But Astra is already shrugging her off and moving towards the fighting men.
The first one doesn’t put up much of a fight, as Astra arrests him with hand around his windpipe, and unceremoniously drags him out of the bar, throwing him out into the pavement. The second one - whom she remembers hanging around Kara more than once, when they had visited the bar together - seems brave, aiming a few punches at her, that Astra dodges with some difficulty. She arrests his final blow, and sends him flying in the opposite direction that she had thrown the former.
Right into the front window of a just-arriving NCPD patrol car.
---
M’gann springs bail for Astra, the Martian looking far too amused by her ordeal for Astra to be wholly grateful about it.
“I know those guys were being pests, but you know I have bouncers to handle this sort of thing, right?” M’gann asks, as they leave the station.
Astra simply nods, staring straight ahead.
“That wasn’t like you.” M’gann says. “I’ve never known you to lose your temper like that. What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Astra mumbles, still staring ahead.
“You sound more and more like a human every day.” M’gann says with a snort. “Fine, keep your problems to yourself. Just don’t try that sort of thing in my bar again.”
Astra nods abashedly at that, knowing that M’gann doesn’t particularly want her bar coming under the notice of the NCPD, despite her friendship with the detectives of the Science Division.
“Thank you for getting me out.” she says. “If Kara had found out-”
She stops, but M’gann tilts her head, seeming to understand anyways, as she grabs Astra by the arm and transmats them.
“You’re welcome.” she replies, before her gaze is arrested by someone waiting by the open door of the apartment they’ve appeared in front of.
Not just someone. Alex.
“On second thought, don’t thank me yet.” M’gann murmurs. “Your probation officer looks far too angry for someone not in the know.”
She pats Astra sympathetically on the arm before taking off, leaving her to fend alone with Alex, who is stalking towards her, rage practically radiating off her form.
“Alexandra.” Astra greets her shortly.
“Don’t ‘Alexandra’ me.” Alex growls. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Astra lets herself be dragged into the apartment, but doesn’t reply, untrusting of what would escape her mouth.
“You’re lucky Kara hasn’t found out yet that her aunt was arrested for brawling with fucking Daxamites in a bar .” Alex presses. “Actually, I haven’t ruled out telling her yet. And do you know how the DEO is going to react to this?”
“Are you going to throw me in a cell again?” Astra asks, not in the mood to be any more charitable. “Should I expect a visit from General Lane then?”
“Of course not.” Alex says, blanching. “I’m trying to look out for you, you... you stupid alien!”
“I only threw out two fools who were disturbing the peace.” Astra says. “I don’t see how I did anything wrong.”
“You exposed yourself to law enforcement agency!” Alex says. “You could have been made, if a Science Division patrol car hadn’t been the one to pick you up!”
“I could have escaped.” Astra grumbled. “If I wanted to.”
“That’s not the point.” Alex says. “Don’t you understand what kind of danger you were in?”
“I understand that while you were out on your “date” with Agent Vasquez, I was trying to prevent two idiots from terrorizing my friend’s bar.” Astra snaps back, frustration getting the better of her.
She freezes, wanting to take back those words as soon as she had said them. But, it’s too late. They hang in the air, mortifying Astra more with every passing second.
For some reason, though, that stops Alex in her tracks, rather than setting her off.
“Is that what this is really about?”
Astra resolutely stares ahead of her, willing her face to not betray the mortification she feels.
“Well?” Alex demands.
Protracted silence.
“Look, I’m going to ask you this once.” Alex says tersely, pacing back and forth in front of her, before finally stopping in front of Astra. “So give me a straight answer, okay?”
Astra nods mutely, though alarm bells are already going off in her head.
“The reason you’re so wound up,” Alex begins hesitantly, “Look, maybe I’m just overthinking this, seeing things that aren’t there-”
She stops, and studies Astra’s face again, before restarting, her voice even lower and more unsure.
“-is it because I was out with Vasquez? Is that what you were upset about?”
“Of course not.” Astra begins, over-defensive, but Alex’s hand clamps over her wrist, and her gaze burns into Astra’s, unwilling to let go.
“The truth, Astra.” she says.
A quick exhale, and-
“Yes.” Astra admits. “I was upset when you were out with Vasquez. And with Maggie. And with Lucy. I think of you, romantically, with any woman, and I feel nauseous. I’m sorry, Alex.”
She sees Alex’s eyes soften, and avoids eye contact by sitting down and sinking her face into her hands.
“Why are you sorry?” Alex asks, her voice calmer now.
“Because you’ve been so kind to me.” Astra says blankly. “And I’ve let you down, by feeling like this.”
“Astra, what?” Alex sounds confused, before the confusion leaves her voice. “What, does this have anything to do with that nonsense that Kara told me you were spouting at her, during your last breakfast get-together?”
Astra sinks further into her position. Of course Kara would have told Alex. Rao , her humiliation could not be more complete.
“Oh my god.” Alex says, in a tone of dawning revelation. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
Astra glares, offended enough at that statement to finally look up and meet Alex’s eyes again, but Alex just looks amused.
“I don’t see what’s here to smile about.” Astra says coldly.
“First of all, you.” Alex states plainly. “And, second of all, you know that Vasquez and I are just drinking buddies, right? We were just having a girl’s night out.”
“It was none of my business, Alex.” Astra interrupts, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“But, you did.” Alex says. “Own up to it, general.”
Astra wants to snarl back a retort, but she stays her tongue, knowing that judgement was warranted.
“Look.” Alex says. “I think I know a way we can clear this up.”
“How?” Astra asks, studying her feet again. “Alex, my homophobia, it cannot just be-”
She finds it impossible, that this betrayal by her own emotions, could ever be bridged. It’s one redemption that seems far out of her reach.
“Not this again.” Alex says.
“But, it said on Glee-” Astra argues.
“Oh my god.” Alex sighs aggravatedly. “Astra, forget Glee, and forget whatever Kara said about it being some cultural milestone, okay? You might as well learn how to live by watching Jersey Shore.”
“What is Jersey’s shore?” Astra asks.
“It’s nothing.” Alex says, waving her question away. “Listen, I need to go undercover again next week, at M’gann’s bar this time. Want to be my fake date for the op?”
Astra blinks in surprise, at the unexpected invitation.
“But we’ve just established-” she begins, and then Alex is kneeling down and her hands are closing around Astra’s own, fingers intertwining and squeezing.
“Just be there?” she says. “Okay?”
She squeezes their fingers together again, when Astra doesn’t reply at once.
“Okay?” she repeats.
“Yes.” Astra breathes, quite unable to saying anything else, when all her mind can process is Alex’s hands on hers, soft and gentle in a way that she is very rarely used to. “All right.”
---
A conclusion of sorts
“So our objective is to keep an eye on the target, and make sure he doesn’t run out, or engage in any outside communication?” Astra murmurs, keeping an eye on the human that they are supposed to be tracking, who is one of the ringleaders of a offworld drug cartel.
She glances casually around M’gann’s bar as she asks this confirmation, very aware of both the man that her and Alex are supposed to be watching, and of Alex’s hands clutching hers, thumb caressing her knuckles again and again in a distractingly... nice way.
Alex smiles at her as she replies. It’s as sweet as any smile she would aim at a lover, and Astra feels nothing at all, except a radiant happiness that has her beaming back. The Feeling is nowhere to be found.
“I’ve got Winn running interference on his phone from headquarters.” Alex says, as she casts another discreet look around the bar. “We need to make sure he doesn’t get wind of his buddies getting busted, before we haul the whole lot of them in tonight.”
They pretend to make small talk, as they let their eyes drift in the general direction of the target, tracking his every move while pretending to be entirely oblivious of anyone but each other.
“It was nice of your Martian friend to let us corner him here.” Alex says.
Astra surveys M’gann still manning the bar, who winks at them, before turning back to serve the Taruman ambling up to the counter.
“As long as I don’t start another altercation, I think she’ll be happy.” Astra says.
As she says that, their target target drifts backwards through the crowd around the pool table, behind Astra’s line of sight. She would have to look backwards to keep him in her sight, thereby possibly drawing undue attention to her observation.
“I’ve lost him.” she says in some frustration, reluctant to do that.
Alex, though, stares at the point somewhere beyond Astra, before nonchalantly turning down to study her drink.
“Don’t look now, but I’ve got eyes on him.” she says in a low voice. “Your six o’clock. He’s sitting down at an empty table.”
“Alright.” Astra says, staring at Alex instead. “Tell me what he’s doing.”
“Drinking again.” Alex reports. “I think that’s his third glass of the night. Oh, he’s trying to get up again. Key word, try.”
Astra smiles, more at the smirk Alex throws at her, with her lips quirked to one side and eyes enchantingly bright, than at the joke.
“He’s up.” Alex updates her. “But, now he’s swaying forward. This guy really can’t hold his alcohol.”
“He’s at the wrong bar, then.”
“Aaaand, he’s gone.” Alex finishes. “Passed out dead drunk on the table.”
“Well, that should accomplish your objective of keeping him out of the way.” Astra says, finally risking a glance back, to confirm what Alex had said.
As their target continues to snore against the table, she gets up, tugging Alex towards the exit at the far end of the bar.
“We’re supposed to be watching him.” Alex says, doubtfully.
“M’gann will let us know if he wakes up.” Astra says, tugging at her again. “Come.”
Alex follows her without further protest, looking curious, but Astra doesn’t explain until she is leading Alex up two flights of stairs up the bar’s fire exit, and then taking her on a quick flight up, until they land on the roof, looking down at the city below.
Astra takes off her heels before walking forward into the night breeze, feeling Alex follow behind to her.
“I don’t think we’re allowed up here.” Alex comments, looking at the view below them.
“M’gann won’t mind, if you’re with me.”
At this height, the buildings around them sprawl down into the valley, providing a beautiful view for them to survey, framed against the lights of the city and the mountains in the distance.
“Your world is so beautiful.” Astra breathes out, not the first time she’s voiced such a sentiment.
“Wasn’t Krypton?” Alex asks, coming to stand next to her.
“Only when I was young.” Astra says. “And, even then, things were already changing.”
Alex’s hand lands on top of hers, as they stand side by side. While they watch the city, the strains of music from below reach them, sounding oddly sonorous in the night air.
“May I?” Alex asks, after a while, turning and tugging at Astra’s hands without waiting for an answer.
Astra has learned quite a few dances during her stints in diplomacy on several planets, some of them very complicated. The one Alex leads her in, though, is very simple, the two of them doing little more than swaying against each other in time to the snatches of music.
“Astra?”
“Yes?” Astra hums out absentmindedly, lost in the feeling of Alex’s body falling into and retreating from her own.
“This doesn’t make you feel upset, does it?” Alex asks.
When Astra pulls back, lips turning down at the unwelcome reminder, Alex simply looks mischievous and knowing.
“Or this?” she asks, trailing one hand through Astra’s hair, snagging on the silver streak, while the other curves around the back of her neck.
Astra feels warm, in a way that cannot be due to the temperature. She’s aware that it’s not the climate that’s affecting her, but the press of the hand around her neck, thumb stroking slowly down the column of her throat, while Alex locks gazes with her. Astra swallows, and Alex’s grip on her hair tightens, fisting around the strands and tugging her down, the pressure of the demanding grip undeniably wonderful.
“Or this?” Alex murmurs, lips curving slightly, before she tugs Astra down further, until their mouths are dangerously close to each other.
Rao.
That’s the last thought Astra remembers having, before she bends down the last inch and closes the distance between them, eliciting a soft sigh exhaled against her mouth. Alex’s lips move against her own, the warmth of them coaxing away Astra’s own shocked stiffness. Astra hears her breath leave her in a sharp rush, as needy lips tug against her own, and her mouth opens without much protest to Alex’s, while her back hits the wall. She is locked in place there, half-falling over the roof’s parapet as she kisses back, but all she feels is the security of Alex’s body clinging to her own, her hands locked around Astra as if the would never release her.
There are Alex’s lips biting down on her own, and her tongue sliding against hers, and it’s wonderful and new and perfect . Alex pulls back to catch her breath, but moves right back into her orbit within moments, kissing her again and again until Astra feels weak-kneed and dizzy with a sheer amount of feeling.
When do they pull back, eventually, Astra realizes that she’s not bent over the parapet anymore, but floating over the roof, Alex latching on to her to keep from falling. Alex doesn’t seem afraid, though, merely looking self-satisfied instead.
“Oh.” Astra says out loud, as she lowers them back down, and she feel her lips quirk up.
“What?” Alex asks, some self-consciousness and anxiety replacing the satisfied expression on her face.
“You are beautiful.” Astra tells her simply, tucking Alex’s flyaway hair behind her ears, so she can see her those captivating eyes better.
She falls silent, unable to move her fingers or her gaze away, willing to simply observe Alex in this moment when everything has changed between them.
“Astra-” Alex starts, looking utterly caught in her scrutiny. “Do you even realize what you’re doing?”
And, Astra finds that she does. It’s laid out before her, finally , with startling clarity, the solution to all her tossing and turning of the past few weeks.
“I like you.” Astra, says in wonder. “Alex, I like you so very much.”
Not in the way she had said it while imprisoned, to get under Alexandra’s skin and discompose her. No, this Astra knows to be genuine. She likes Alex. Just the thought of it, the idea that she could feel such strongly positive emotions again, for someone other than her flesh and blood, makes her beam.
“Took you long enough.” is all Alex says, with a crooked smile.
Astra studies her fond expression, and makes her second delightful discovery of the night.
“And you like me.” she says, her smile growing into more of a smirk, when Alex flushes slightly.
“Yeah, so what?” she grumbles, “Again, took you long enough.”
Instead of answering, Astra pulls her closer, taking the opportunity to kiss her again. And again. And then a third time for good measure.
“We need to head back down.” Alex says reluctantly, after pulling away for a final time. “Make sure the guy doesn’t go anywhere.”
She turns back toward the stairs, but Astra catches her hand.
“Always the agent, Alex.” she says, smiling. “But, you forget. I’m a soldier too, and a Kryptonian one at that.”
Still keeping Alex’s arm captive, she trains her vision through the stones of the roof, to check on their mark.
“He’s still there.” she reports. “‘Passed out’ as you put it.”
When she looks back at Alex, there’s a mischievous little smile on her face, as she circles back into Astra’s orbit.
“So, what you’re telling me is, we have a little more time.” she murmurs.
“It would seem so.”
“Astra,” Alex begins, a little teasing note in her voice, “You know what this is?”
“What?” Astra asks, though her lips are twitching up already, at the anticipated answer.
“A date.” Alex says. “A real one.”
Astra laughs at that, before capturing Alex’s lips with her own again, taking full advantage of the precious time they have left.
Turns out she doesn’t hate Alex being with women. She just hates Alex being with anyone who isn’t her.
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