Work Text:
•_•
Transitioning was a very difficult experience to me.
My parents weren’t very supportive in the beginning, but now they are starting to understand me. I think they were just scared of losing their only child.
The hardest part was when complete strangers, who knew nothing about me, judged me. Some were even aggressive!
I’ve been called so many things that I don’t even know what I am anymore. I’m lost...
Well... I was lost but not anymore. I started transitioning at fifteen and I had just started first year at Karasuno High and that’s where I met Asahi and Daichi.
They were both so supportive and I truly don’t know what I would do without them.
•_•
I guess I always knew I didn't feel like a girl.
I grew up in a rich family. My father was a very successful business man and my mom owned her own cosmetics brand. My mom was always a girly girl and she wanted me to be like her, so when I'd grow up I could take over her business.
Because we were always in the media's eye, I had to learn at a young age how to wear makeup and my mom always made me wear dresses and in special occasions heels.
Dresses were uncomfortable (I always had to worry about how to sit as to not show my underwear or how to not make it lift up in the wind) but heels were the spawn of hell!
When I tried telling my mom I didn't like dressing up like this and that I preferred "boy" clothes, she just brushed me off with " Darling, we have to look presentable".
They never understood that I didn't feel like a girl, that I wanted to be a boy. But what grown adult is going to listen to little nine year old me? As I grew up I got tired of pretending to be someone else. I knew I had to tell them. But when? How? I was scared of affecting them.
The media would have a field day "The daughter of Sugawara Enterprises wants to be a boy!?!". Not only would that affect my parents but also their businesses I could not do that to them.
•_•
A few months shy of turning fifteen I finally reached my breaking point. As I was having dinner with my parents my mom brought up one of the people she had previously picked out to employ to supervise a relatively small section of her business.
Please read the notes at the beginning or else this will be quite confusing:
M - Mieko
K - Kenji
S - Suga
M - Honey, you know how I was looking for someone to cover Midori's section since she's quite advanced in her pregnancy already and is due to be off in maternity leave soon?
K - Yes.
M - Well, one of the people I was thinking on employing to do her section was a person named Suzo. I thought they were a woman but I found out they are actually a man!
K - How did you not know it was a man? I believe it is quite easy to differentiate a man from a woman.
M - They looked like a woman, they even wore a skirt. It was only when I asked for their resume that I saw they were a man.
K - That's absurd, what normal human being would play such a joke!
S - Maybe it wasn't a joke...
M - Clearly it was who would dress up as a woman to a job interview?
S - Perhaps they feel like a woman and that's how they feel most comfortable...
K - As if, someone who dresses as something they clearly aren't is obnoxious and offending to me.
S - That's what people do on Halloween but no one is offended.
M - Halloween is a day when people can dress up as whatever they want, but not a job interview!
S - They aren't dressing up! Have you ever thought maybe people feel like they aren't what they are "supposed" to be and are afraid of what people like YOU might do to them. Have you ever been afraid to be yourself?
She is a very beautiful and confident woman to be able to be herself and not care what other people think! I wish I was as courageous as her because, I've been pretending to be someone I'm not.
I don't want to be a woman, I want to be a man. But I'm so afraid of what you are going to do that I can't be who I want to be. I wish you both could understand what it feels like to perform a script for six years of your life. I want to be myself, I don't want my life to be an act we're I have to hide myself!
I don't care anymore what you think about me I want to be happy...
K -...
M - Koushi...
S - Thank you for dinner, now if you'll excuse me...
As I was walking up to my room I realized what had just happened. I can't believe that after so many years, I had finally told my parents how I felt.
It felt so good, I feel free... But I know there's more to come.
After maybe two hours I heard a knock on my door.
S - Yes...
M - It's me... can I come in?
S - Yes...
As she walked in I could tell she was nervous maybe even a bit scared.
S - When do I have to leave?..
M - What?
S - When do you want me to leave, I'll need money to find a place to live at. I doubt gran will want me to stay with her.
M - Koushi... We don't want you to leave.
S - So you want me to keep acting or are you going to send me to a therapist.
M - No, Koushi we just want to understand.
S - Understand what?
M - Why?
S - Why I want to be a man.
M - Yes, but also why you couldn't tell me, I can understand your father. But why not tell me?
S - Are you seriously asking that after what happened at dinner?
M - I see...
M - Just know we're here for you even if we don't understand why you want to do this, know we will always support you.
S - Okay...
That could've gone worse. I was expecting my mom to try and say something like "It's just a phase" or something like that.
I guess they're a bit more supportive than I thought.
•_•
As my birthday was nearing my mom started asking what I wanted as a birthday gift. My answer was simple I wanted her to go with me shopping for new clothes, clothes that I would feel comfortable in and that I could be who I am. She agreed.
My birthday was on Thursday so my mom said we could go on Monday as she didn't have work then.
Monday arrived and we were in the car driving to the biggest shopping center in the city (my mom's choice).
When we were looking through the stores display when my mom said:
M - You don't have a budget, so buy whatever you want.
S - Are you sure.
M - Of course, think of it as an early birthday present.
S - Okay.
At the end of the day we left the shops with 7 full bags of clothing, shoes and other accessories.
I had five everyday outfits; two special occasions outfits; three pairs of sneakers; a pair of combat boots; a pair of derby shoes for formal occasions and three pairs of jeans.
M - Can we go somewhere?
S - Sure.
I followed my mom, I thought maybe she wanted to go buy stuff for herself but she stopped at a hair dresser.
M - Koushi do you want to get your hair cut?
S - Can I!
M - As long as it's not a crazy colorful hair style you can get whatever you want.
My hair had always been long so I can't even imagine what I would look like with short hair. (My hair nearly reached my waist).
I told the hairdresser what I wanted and half an hour later we were going home.
I think me and my mom truly bonded and I think she started to support and understand me from that point on.
•_•
On my birthday I had all my family around me. I was finally able to wear what I wanted and I picked a button up baby blue shirt with small black feathers design, some black jeans and sneakers. With my hair cut I finally looked like a male, except you could kinda see the outline of my chest.
After my family had left my mom and dad sat me down for one last present, they said they didn't want to give it when other people were around.
When I opened the box I started crying. There were baby pictures of me, my mom and dad scattered around it.
After I had looked at all of them I saw that there's was something wrapped up at the bottom of the box. As I unwrapped it my mom and dad whispered to each other. It was a chest binder!
I looked at them shocked.
M - We wanted to find away to support you so we thought that this would be a meaningful way of showing you.
K - We added the baby pictures because we just wanted you to know that no matter what you're still our baby, being a man or a woman isn't going to change that.
I hugged both my parents, me and my mom were bawling, and even though dad isn't going to admit it he was too. That's when I knew It was all going to be okay.
•_•
When holidays ended and school was going to started again I decided I wanted to attend a different school. I decided on Karasuno, I bought their uniform and before I knew it school had started.
On the first day nothing interesting happened we were all meeting our new teachers and getting used to the school.
But next day in p.e. class we had to go to the changing rooms and that were it got awkward.
I knew I was a boy but I still had my female organs did that mean I had to go to the girls changing rooms? After a few minutes the p.e. teacher started looking at me weird so I went into the girls changing rooms. Girls were looking at me, I could hear them whispering about me "why is he here?", "is he a perv?" and "omg, don't tell he's one of those weirdos that dress up!".
I never felt more embarrassed in my life!
However I changed quickly I removed my shirt first and then my trousers, in ten minutes I was out the door wearing my p.e. outfit.
After class, it was lunch time and that's when the bullying started.
I still hadn't had the chance to get to know anyone so after I bought my lunch I sat alone at a table.
I heard people talk about me behind me so I finished my lunch and started heading to my next class, there was only a few more minutes left of lunch anyway.
As I was walking out of the cantine I heard my name being called "Sugawara!" as I was turning back I felt hard push and tumbled to the floor, when I looked up I saw three guys who I'd never seen before standing above me.
The one in the middle, who is probably the leader grabbed me by my shirt and pushed me against a locker.
"Disgusting things like you don't deserve to live!" and after he said that he punched me . People started gathering around but no one did anything to stop them.
I was crying I didn't know what to do one against three wasn't fair.
Then I heard someone scream "Ryou stop it!" I saw two boys running in my direction, were they going to hurt me to?
They stood in front of me and pushed the leader away.
"Go away Ryou, go mess with someone your own size!"
"Sawamura let me have my fun" "Go away“
As if knowing they weren't going to win against 'sawamura' they left.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, thank you..."
"Oh, yeah. My name is Sawamura Daichi and that is Azumane Asahi"
"Hi"
"Hi"
"Thank you, I really appreciate it. I don't know what would have happened if you guys didn't save me"
"It's fine, we don't like Ryou and his minions. They always bully weaker people".
"What class are you in next?"
"maths..."
"Me and Asahi have maths as well would you like to sit with us?"
"yes, thank you"
That was the start of our friendship.
Daichi mentioned he and Asahi were part of the Karasuno Volleyball Club and asked if I wanted to join them I never had the opportunity to enter school clubs but I wanted to try now, after all a new school meant new opportunities.
•_•
Time Skip
Suga's Third Year
•_•
I've been at Karasuno for three years now and life couldn't be better. My parents support me 100%; I've got friends and the bullying stopped in first year. Also I know have a boyfriend!
Two months after my sixteenth birthday Daichi asked me out on a date and asked me to be his boyfriend and of course I said yes.
We've been going strong for a year and I hope it continues like that.
•_•
I'm currently at Daichi's house we are just laying on his bed watching a movie and I notice Daichi is falling asleep, so sweet innocent me decides to prank him.
Daichi is a deep sleeper so I know he won't wake up before I'm ready.
When he falls asleep I turn the TV off and go downstairs I go into the living room and throw the couch pillows on the floor and quietly move things around to make it look like the house was robbed.
I then scream, open and then slam the door shut, and lay down on the floor pretending to be passed out I see Daichi run down the stairs calling out to me.
"Suga?! Suga were are you?!"
He then looks around the house shocked to see the house in this state as he walks around he sees me on the floor on my stomach and screams:
"Suga!"
He rolls me over and tries to 'wake me up' when he sees it's not working he reaches out to his phone and starts dialing someone so I sneak up behind him and "Boo!".
"Omg! Suga?! Don't do this to me. I thought you were dead!"
All I could do was laugh until...
"Oh, so you think it's funny?"
Daichi grabs me and starts tickling me.
"Stop! Please have mercy on me!"
"You sure didn't have mercy on me now did you?"
"Please!"
"Okay, okay but you're going to help me tidy the house"
"Yes, captain!"
"Seriously, again with the captain?"
"Yep"
I said popping the 'p'. I helped Daichi tidy up the living room and kitchen and when we were finally done we sat on the couch.
"Do you want to go out?"
"Where?"
"The park just so we can walk around if you want we can even play bit of volleyball"
"You're starting to sound like Kageyama and Hinata"
"So is that a no?"
"No, let's go"
Daichi went up to his room to get a volleyball while I put my shoes on. Once he got downstairs he put his shoes. We grabbed our jackets and off we went to the park.
As we were walking to the park we saw Kageyama and Hinata at a cafe near the school and of course we had to spy on them, what kind of mother would I be?
"What do you think they're talking about?"
"Probably volleyball"
"Do you think it's a date?"
"Maybe, knowing them it is a date but they don't know it"
"Yeah..."
"Let's go"
The park didn't have a volleyball court but it did have a large patch of grass where me and Daichi tend to train. The park wasn't very crowded and it was a good place to go to relax. It's was small it only had a childrens playground and a few picnic tables and benches for people to sit at.
Me and Daichi tossed and received the ball for a good hour and a half before we both got tired and just layed on the grass.
•_•
Last Time Skip I Promise 🙏
It is the same day Daichi and Suga met each other but Suga is now twenty-one and Daichi twenty-two.
•_•
Daichi and I are now living together. I moved in with him when we started university in Tokyo. Once we finished our studies we decided to move back home together and have been living together since.
Daichi just recently started working with my dad in his business and I'm working with my mom even though I don't want to take over her business yet.
I left work early today, so I went home and cleaned the house. When Daichi arrived I went to the door to greet him.
"Hi, how was work?"
"It was okay, and you?"
Daichi said after he gave me a peck in the lips.
"Good"
"I was thinking do you want to go out to dinner tonight or do you want to stay home?"
"If you want we can go out, we never did celebrate you getting a position at my dads company"
"okay, then let me take a shower and get dressed"
"okay I have to get dressed to"
After we were both dressed and ready we went to a restaurant nearby.
We both sat down and ordered, we talked and then made a toast to our future. After we paid for our dinner Daichi asked if we could go for a walk around the park, which I agreed to.
We walked for a few minutes before we decided to sit down at a bench and look up at the stars. As I was stargazing I heard Daichi whispering something but brushed it off.
"Suga"
"Hmn, yes?"
"Look down for a moment"
When I looked down Daichi was on his knees holding a small velvet black box. Is he...
"Sugawara Koushi, ever since I saw you I knew I had to befriend you. You looked like an angel who had fallen from heaven, scared but beautiful. I learnt your story and everything about you. I must admit that I fell in love with you almost immediately. Your hair looked like waves of silver and your eyes remind me of a those of a fox. So beautiful yet mischievous. You have a glow around you that makes me want to protect you. I still remember the day when I protected you from those bullies and I'm proud to say that for you I'd do it all over again. I don't know what you see in me that makes me worth your time, affection and love. But I would like to ask you if you would make me the happiest man in the world by marrying me and becoming Sawamura Koushi.
I looked at Daichi and said:
"You know for a long time I thought I would never be able to be myself. That I was never going to be truly happy.
I thought my parents wouldn't understand my feelings and that I'd always be alone.
If there's one thing I've learned is that I've never been right about anything that has to do with me. Except you. Even though we hadn't known each other for long when you saved me from those bullies, I knew I could trust and rely on you. And I mean it when I say I wouldn't know what to do without you. I love you with all my heart and you being you is more than enough for you to be worth my time. And yes I will marry you! "
Daichi stood up, kissed me and put the ring on my ring finger, it was beautiful made of silver with a small diamond on top, Daichi was wearing a matching ring except his had no diamond and was plain silver. On the underside of the ring it said '𝐼 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑦 𝐴𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙'.