Chapter Text
Funky Lesbian changed group name “ Voltrons bitches ” to “ Voltron is just furry propaganda ” 8:00 pm
9:00 pm
Loverboy : hey bitches i have a problem
Loverboy : ok i have 2 problems one is mullet related and the other is why tf is our group name about furries
Funkylesbian : It’s important
Funkylesbian : The world needs to know the truth
Sunshine : Lance!!! whats the mullet tea
Loverboy : the mullet tea is hes a dumbass and i want him to crush me
Funkylesbian : ew
Loverboy : istg pidge
Sunshine : ok but we already knew that
Loverboy : No you dont UnDeRStANd!!!
Loverboy : I like that hes a dumb ass
Funkylesbian : Dumbasses supporting dumbasses
Loverboy : HWO DARE U GREMLIN
Funkylesbian : ur oversharing ur kinks again and im not here for it
Funkylesbian : I just wanna enjoy my space goo in peace u godless heathen
Sunshine :um,,, how did you find out u like that he’s a dumbass ?
Loveboy : well my first clue was that when he thought his dog would tell him its name i thought it was adorable
Funkylesbian : ew
Loverboy : but you’ll never guess what he fcking said to me and my cow
Sunshine : What did he say???? I thought u two would have a great time milking Kaltenecker!!!
Loverboy : We did!!!! hes was like being so cute and was asking about my family and cuba and istg if i didnt have Kaltenecker there to support me I would have been a puddle on the ground it was adorable and i was a mess BUT THEN
Funkylesbian : ew x2
Loverboy : he’s asking about spanish and he knew like some of it because hes texas kogane or wahtever
Loverboy : AND THIS BOY ASKS ME
Loverboy : WHAT THE SPANISH WORD FOR TORTILLA IS
Loverboy : AND NOW I DREAM OF KISSING HIM UNDER THE MOONLIGHT
Funkylesbian : Is the cow there when ur kissing
Loverboy : PIDGE NOW IS NOT THE GOD DAMN TIME
Loveboy : BUT YES
Sunshine : Keith,,, wanted to know what the spanish word for tortilla is
Sunshine : like, he, wait
Funkylesbian : I have never loved an idiot more
Funkylesbian : I am so proud to be surrounded by so many gay idiots
Funkylesbian : if the gay idiots on this team were replaced with butches the universe would have been saved in a month tops
Funkylesbian : tops ha
Loverboy : IM LITERALLY HAVING A CRISIS AND YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT LESBiNS
Funkylesbian : WHAT ELSE AM I GOING TO THINK ABOUT U TWINK BITCH
Sunshine : ...tortilla…
Loverboy : Hunk uve gotta help me how do I stop him
Loverboy : I want him to bench press me and also throw me out a window
Sunshine : um so,,, ure asking me to help u ask him out right ? i dont think we can change how he thinks
Funkylesbian : yeah and if ur asking for help with that idk why ur texting this group chat
Funkylesbian : Im a lesbian i dont ask people out I thrist over girls and then i die
Loverboy : I really should have just asked hunk bc u r a useless lesbian
Loverboy : HUNK U BEAUTIFUL GLORIOUS RAY OF SUN HELP MY DUMB GAY ASS
Sunshine : tell him u like him
Loverboy :...
Loverboy : no
Loverboy : this was useless im going to bed
Funkylesbian : good night u useless homosexual
Sunshine : they r both a mess
Funkylesbian : i fucking love them
---
I say Vol you say Tron
Princess : Good morning paladins!!!!! I hope you all had a fantastic night’s rest. Make sure to grab breakfast this morning, we have a lot of training to do today!! <3
Funkylesbian : its early I want to die
Spacedaddy : Hunk’s sending out breakfast burritos for everyone, we need to keep up our strength for our next battle!
Funkylesbian : I want to die but of a heart attack after eating all of hunks food
Sunshine : Aww!! Thanks pidge!!!
Spacedaddy : no ones allowed to die
Mullet : U literally died
Mullet : WILL YALL STOP CHAnGING MY NAME TO MULLET
“Mullet” has changed named to “Kogayne”
Loverboy : cut it u bitch
Kogayne : WHY R U SO OBSESSED WITH MY HAIR
Loverboy : I SAID CUT IT U BITCH
Funkylesbian : wait has keith ever not had a mullet
Funkylesbian : I feel like he would be too powerful
Spacedaddy : He’s had a mullet in all the baby pictures I have seen let him live his mullet life please
Spacedaddy : Adam tried to cut it and keith pulled out one of his knives
Funkylesbian : I’m tired of all these bitches kinks
Funkylesbian : lances dumbass kink, keiths knife kink
Funkylesbian : if anyone else tells me another kink in the next 24 hours im yeeting myself out the window
Kogayne : whats a dumbass kink
Loverboy : why do i even talk to pidge about anything
Funkylesbian : bs ill find out anyway
Sunshine : so uh,,, what does everyone think about todays burrito? Need more spice?
Princess : The food was delicious as always, Hunk!
Princess : I do have to ask though, what is a “kink”?
Loverboy :...
Loverboy : LOOK WHAT UVE DONE PIDGE
Loverboy : NOW WE HAE TO TELL AN ALTEAN PRINCESS WHAT A KINK IS
Funkylesbian : kinks are things people like in a sexual way
Funkylesbian : for example, if someone likes to be bound up during sex thats a kink
Princess :Oh! So, what does a knife kink entail? Because Keith is quite good with a knife!!
Sunshine : oh my god
Loverboy : …
Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.
Loverboy : this is too much
Funkylesbian : WELL usually it means someone likes to run their knives down someones body lightly and they feel that metal and dangerous sensation,
Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.
Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.
Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.
Funkylesbian : OR sometimes people like feeling threatened or threatening people with knives!! It usually a bit of a dominant and submissive type thing! :)
Kogayne : I dont have a knife kink.
Kogayne : PIDGE I HATE YOU
Funkylesbian : ;)
Princess : Well, that’s very… interesting… and the dumbass kink? What does that mean?
Funkylesbian : thats a lance thing i have no clue
Loverboy : how dare u
Kogayne : yeah what in tarnation is a dumbass kink
Loverboy : ...
Loverboy : I hate this family
Loverboy : dont we have training to do?!!!!?!!!? haha :)
Funkylesbian : tell them about ur dumbass kink, coward
Loverboy : i cant read
Spacedaddy : ok, lance is right its time for training. We need to keep our wits about us in case of any danger we might run into on our way back to Earth!
Loverboy : thank god
Funkylesbian : coward
Sunshine: uh,,,, so i hope everyone enjoyed the burritos! I think im gonna try and make a grilled cheese type thing with some of this weird cheese like thing i found on planet Xes
Loverboy : Hunk ur too good for us
Sunshine : Aww!!! You guys are just sex driven heathens
Funkylesbian : u right
---
I say Vol you say Tron
Loverboy : i miss earth
Sunshine we’ll be there soon, buddy!!!
Loverboy : not soon enough. I havent been to the ocean in so long, I havent seen my family for SO LONG. :(
Spacedaddy : I’m sure they’ll be so happy to see you, Lance. We’ve all done some amazing things and pushed ourselves so much, we are all in need of a bit of familial love.
Princess : What is the ocean like?
Loverboy : oh man, you’d love it!!! There are so many wonderful beaches in cuba and my family and i all pack up in our van and sit in the sand and the water is so clear and the waves are AWESOME!
Loverboy :My little sister likes to find shells along the beach and its so cute because she picks up every shell, beautiful or broken, and gives it to us like its lost treasure.
Loverboy : I would walk with her and she would walk me so far along the beach until she got tired and I had to carry her back
Kogayne : that’s amazing.
Princess : Oh my! That sounds lovely! You’ll have to take us to the beach, and to meet your family!
Sunshine : his family is awesome. His abuelita is one of the funniest people ive ever met, and a wonderful cook
Loverboy : high praise from the master chef himself!!!!
Sunshine : I miss my family too. They were so proud of me for getting into the garrison, I cant wait to see them again
Loverboy : thats it. Our families are going to have a dinner party. My abuelita vs. yours, who has the best family recipes
Sunshine : oh, you are ON!
Funkylesbian :can i be the judge? My family cant cook
Loverboy: everyone is invited to the family cookout, the McClains always make too much food and we need someone to eat it all
Spacedaddy : That’s such a fantastic idea for all of us to get together at! I could bring Adam? I might not tell him its an abuelita cook off or his will come too
Loverboy : YES!! I so want to see Adam again!! I miss him and his spanish !!
Loverboy : ok so, we have Hunk and his family, Pidge and hers, Allura and Coran,Shiro and Adam, Keith and Krolia… oh god, is there gonna be enough seating????? My family is huge
Hunk : my house is way too small to hold half the people coming, but I’m sure we can get some tables and chairs from somewhere!!! This is gonna be awesome!!!!!!
Kogayne : I’m invited too?
Loverboy :...
Loverboy : uh, yeah? Why do u not want to go?
Loverboy : like, thats fine i guess but like it was gonna be fun so like whatever i guesss
Kogayne: NONNONON!!! I want to go I jsut didnt realize I was invited
Loverboy : /?????????? why would u not be invited wtf Keith
Loverboy : but if ur dog doesnt come too im kicking u out until u bring him to me
Loverboy : I love him too much and he is the only one keeping this family together
Kogayne : thanks uh he loves you too?
Loverboy : you’re damn right he does.
Loverboy : I love this family
---
Voltron is just furry propaganda
Loverboy : Why did keith think he wouldnt be invited to the dinner party
Loverboy : this doesnt feel dumb ass related this feels actually like,,, sad
Loverboy : does he think we arent friends????????????
Funkylesbian : Lance u saw what he was like at the garrison
Funkylesbian : hes not used to having friends u have to tell him stuff like this
Funkylesbian : he wasnt friends like we were before this
Sunshine : He’s probably scared things will go back to the way it was and we all will forget about this adventure :((
Sunshine : he needs a hug
Loverboy : that emo boy is tugging at all my heart strings istg
---
Private message : Keith Kogane
Lance: hey!! So about earlier!! Sorry if u felt excluded from the planning!! Please come to the dinner party its gonna be so fun
Lance : My family is going to love to meet you and my mom might actually try to adopt you while she tells you to eat more and force feeds you rice
Keith : No its all good i just felt kinda awkward not really having a uh family back on earth
Keith : i dont really know what Krolia is doing after all this and i guess i jsut got worried thinking about living in the desert again
Lance : yeah your conspiracy theory shack was a bit cramped and uh weird
Lance : when i saw the string of clues board hanging on the wall i was like oh god this boy has gone insane
Keith :it wasnt a conspiracy theory there was literally a spaceship and aliens are real
Lance : ok but did u own a tinfoil hat at any point living there
Keith : lance i swear to god
Lance : Thats a yes
Keith : ALIENS ARE LITERALLY REAL LANCE
Lance : OH MY FUCK GOD THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
Lance : DO U BELIEVE IN BIG FOOT
Keith : MAYBE
Lance : OH MY GOD
Lance : I want to help u find him
Lance : have u ever heard of Mothman
Keith : uh yeah? Of course?
Lance : we have to find mothman
Keith : why
Lance : have u seen the statue of him
Keith : uh yeah?
Lance : that ass is fatter than mine. It should be illegal.
Keith : you do have a great ass
Lance : ...
Keith : uh
Lance : … thank you for noticing I swear to god no one appreciates what my ass is doing for this family
Lance : I am serving everyone Kardashian realness and no one seems to care
Keith : um
Keith : you’re welcome?
Lance : god bless you.
Voltron is furry propaganda
Loverboy : I want to Keith to fuck me
FunkyLesbian
: Well I want to get fucked by Captain Marvel so obviously we dont always what we want in life now do we