Chapter Text
****
“I believe there is a distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years of
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out, holding in
I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it as long as I can be
Left here to linger in silence.
If I choose to, would you try to understand?”
-Sarah McLachlan
****
=/\=
She stared down at the glowing orb, perfectly round with hues of green and brown and blue and white. Perfection hovering in a sea of black with glittering stars, silently spinning.
“Hello, beautiful,” she said softly, and crossed her arms.
Captain Kathryn Janeway smiled to herself and continued her examination of the planet. Earth. Home. Finally, they were home.
She sighed and relished in the solitude she was gifted with the planet. The quiet of Voyager's Briefing Room humming in her ears, she was blessed with a free moment to reflect on the past few days, the past seven years.
Janeway closed her eyes. No matter how many years had passed since her feet touched soil, she could still remember the smell after a fresh rain. The way a warm summer's sun felt as it tanned her skin. The way a soft autumn breeze would play with her hair.
Home.
A tear fell innocently down her cheek but she was quick to dismiss it. Come on, Kathryn, she begged herself, deep breath. Just a few more days and she could finally let her shoulders fall. Just a few more minutes and she could finally provide her crew with their final mission.
She opened her eyes again and the Earth radiated. She beamed with life.
Lives were being lived below, memories being made, and she inhaled deeply, anxious to join them, and those they left behind.
Mark.
He was there.
With his wife.
And her dog.
She grimaced, thinking of an encounter she had not thought of until this moment.
But there was her sister. Her mother. And she smiled.
Mom, who had never been reassured by her daughter's love of exploration. Following in the footsteps of her father, with a love of science to guide her. Abandoning her love of the rolling fields and the clear blue skies for the unknown dangers of the universe. Home could not keep Kathryn tied down.
She had always wanted more. Discovery, her birthright. Science, an ally.
Oh, the stories she had to share with them now.
Alien races. Planets with mysterious illnesses. New territories. New friends. Some enemies. A Borg queen.
How old was her mother now? Janeway did the math. No, perhaps she would leave the Borg out of the conversation -- at least for now.
Janeway reached up to run her hands over her face. Time had finally caught up to her and she could feel the weight of its effect on her skin. She could feel it in her bones. She could see it reflected in the mirror in the corners of her eyes. The heaviness of the journey home was finally lifting and she was very much aware of its effects.
Janeway reached out to touch the frame of the viewport in front of her, and ran her fingers gently along the crisp edge. Her ship now safe in dry dock, morale on the ship had erupted in a plethora of celebrations, replicator rations now at an all time high. The mood was jubilant and the Captain praised at every turn.
But still, it brought a sadness which overwhelmed her now. It went without saying that Voyager had always been more than a Starfleet vessel. Her intention from the moment they became stranded was to create a living vessel full of life and love. A working vessel where they could, at times, blur the line between command and family.
And it had worked. Somehow they had made it across several quadrants to be right back where they started. And much quicker than they had anticipated. Years of travel had been erased in a moment by the transwarp corridor utilized by Admiral Janeway, her own self from the future. And now she had to face the fact that she would be losing her colleagues - her family off to tread the plains of Earth once more.
The weight hit her suddenly and her chest felt heavy. She pushed back the feeling with a sigh and closed her eyes. She was too deep in the process of calming her breath that she did not hear the first of her senior staff enter.
She opened her eyes and peered over her shoulder. Commander Chakotay had entered. His body upright, shoulders pressed, square jaw locked with worry. “Captain?”
“Commander.”
“Am I interrupting?”
“No." She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. “Not at all.”
He moved across the floor to meet her, and folded his hands behind his back. “I take it we have our orders from Starfleet?”
“We do.” She turned her attention back to Earth, focused on one spot, watched it dance across the viewport. She placed a hand to her hip. “Mandatory quarantine,” and off his look of confusion. “I guess the powers that be are a little nervous of what Voyager might have stored away in her bulkheads.”
“And for good reason,” the Commander divulged. “We might have one or two microphages locked away somewhere just waiting for an unsuspecting Admiral.”
“Please.” She faked a shudder then held a hand up between them. “Don't remind me.”
Chakotay chuckled softly and turned to watch the Earth, happy to be sharing a quiet moment after the events of the last few days.
Janeway watched his face smooth as he took in the planet, watched the reflection of Earth's glow in his dark eyes. His strong jawline relaxed, most likely aware he was being observed by his Captain.
A fair distance they travelled, the Commander and his Captain. Seven years prior she didn't even know his name; this strange Maquis leader she was commissioned to reign in and return to Earth. To bring him to the steps of Starfleet Command, for a purpose they never truly told her.
But being stranded in the Delta Quadrant had other plans for Chakotay. From Maquis leader of a rebellion, to First Officer aboard a Starfleet vessel, facing the unknown, with a Captain he had just met.
And obediently he had taken up the role. Without hesitation or question, showing the true value of his leadership.
And how quickly they had grown together. How expertly they had created a new command structure of mismatched crews. How perfectly their friendship had grown in trust and openness.
Forever her loyal Chakotay.
Forever her friend.
“Almost unreal, isn't it?” he confessed, breaking the silence, pulling her from her thoughts. “I didn't think I would see it again.”
She nodded. “I'm not so sure I believed it myself.” She sighed. “True, the wanting was there. The determination. But to actually let myself believe we would be here.” She shook her head. “I'm not sure I allowed myself to revel in that possibility.” She placed a hand to his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. “That doesn't leave this room.”
“Not that it matters now,” he paused, dipping his head, lowering his voice. “But your secret is safe with me.”
She smiled and crossed her arms. “You always did have my back.”
He looked up to find her eyes and smiled. “Always.”
He watched the lines form at the corners of her mouth as she smiled, lips pursing together, a new shade of deep red adorning them. Her features seemed gentler in this moment. A quiet bond built between them, he wondered what was treading through her mind now, what troubles she was enduring, which ones he could ease.
As if sensing his thoughts, she rolled her eyes upward and shook her head.
“What is it?” he asked gently.
She looked down at her hands, meticulously played with a finger. “I don't know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Say goodbye... to the crew.”
She looked up at him, eyes dancing, searching his face for answers, but she could see he had none to offer. He too looked bewildered.
“Seven years,” she began. “And I feel we still haven't had enough time together. The family is breaking up, Chakotay.” Stress hit her face, and her eyes began to well. “Forever.”
For a slight moment, Chakotay saw weakness flash across her face, but it vanished as quickly as it appeared.
Captain Janeway had never been afraid of anything. She could greet a new alien race with ease and grace. Could battle against an alien vessel who possessed a larger hull and weapons and come out on top.
She could outsmart a Borg Queen and win.
But now standing on the edge of the unknown, what she thought would be her future suddenly changed, she was uneasy with the uncertainty it possessed. And even now, standing in front of her First Officer, she wondered what lay before him, what journey was he about to partake in, a journey without her.
There was only one thing she was certain about her future, and that was Starfleet.
A hesitant hand reached out to hold her arm, and for a moment she was taken aback.
Chakotay had always kept his hands from her, as touching the Captain was something he would not allow himself to do. On occasion they had shared a moment, stood too closely, eyes lingering too long. Once or twice he had held her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, but it had always been her that had initiated it; always on her terms. But all his intentions were fading now, and he wanted her in his arms.
She cast a solemn smile as he pulled her gently toward him, and instead of meeting her resistance, she obliged and slowly walked into his arms, resting her cheek hesitantly against his shoulder. Slowly, his hands made their way to her back, her uniform freshly pressed under his palm. Her shoulders still square, breath held for a moment, until she moved, her arms carefully wrapping around him.
She released an exhale and he moved one hand to rest at her neck. Her soft hair danced playfully across his hand as he soothed her.
“It's all right,” he reassured. “We still have some time with them. We don't have to say goodbye yet.”
We.
He squeezed her tightly and when he finally released her, she backed away, bringing her hands to her face.
She waved him off. “You're right.”
They looked up, finally noticing that a new figure had entered the room, witnessing their embrace. Seven of Nine raised an eyebrow and Janeway was quick to note a shared look between Chakotay and Seven. He offered a slight smile.
“Seven.” She waved a hand toward a chair. “Have a seat.”
“Captain.”
In a wave of exuberance, thick within a heated argument the remaining senior staff entered. Ensign Harry Kim and Lieutenant Commander Tuvok entered together, Harry's hands alive with excitement as he explained his point to the Vulcan. Tuvok remained straight-faced, lips tight, motionless as he stared down the young ensign from his heightened intellect.
Janeway smiled. She was going to miss them.
Last to enter was Lieutenant Tom Paris and Janeway was quick to rush across the room.
“Oh, Tom!” she exclaimed. “How is our new addition to the family?”
“She's great, Captain,” he said accepting her hug. “A healthy set of lungs on her. No doubt a trait from her mother.”
They shared a chuckle and the group dispersed. Janeway placed a hand to Tom's arm.
“How is B'Elanna?” the Captain continued.
“She is good. Tired, but good.” He rubbed his eyes. “We're both a little drained. A little anxious to get home to be honest.”
“That's what this is about, isn't it?” Harry interjected. “Can we pack our bags now, Captain? I know my folks can't wait to find out.”
Janeway lowered her head and walked to take her seat at the head of the table. The Commander took a seat to her left. Seven sat down beside him.
“We have received orders from Starfleet. A last mission, if you will.” She looked up at the confused faces, shoulders pressing back, perfectly square. “Starfleet Command has placed us under a mandatory quarantine.”
She paused, allowed the groans that filled the room to die off before continuing.
“I know.” She inhaled. “I wish I had better news, but Voyager has been through a lot and so has her crew. They want to take every precaution. They are simply unsure what troubles could have arose within these bulkheads. What it might mean, before they lower her home."
She choked, and cleared her throat quietly.
“How long is this supposed to take?” inquired Harry.
“They estimate a minimum of 30 days,” and off a stern look given by Chakotay towards their crew, “These are special circumstances and as such, I expect my senior staff to set the example to the rest of the crew. We will continue with our maximum replicator rations. The Holodeck has been set and will be running around the clock. This is our last mission. Let's make it a successful one.”
She looked around the room, as her orders set in on their faces, as eyes reached her in agreement -- always so obedient. Pride beamed from her face, resonated within her voice as she stood.
“You are the finest crew to have ever graced a Starfeet vessel. The finest crew to have ever worn this uniform. You have brought respect and honor to this vessel and you have served her tremendously.” Her voice began to shake. “It has been an honor serving as your Captain, and I will forever be eternally grateful to have served with you.”
She blinked back tears. “Dismissed.”
One by one, the senior staff began to vacate the room. Janeway remained standing, head bowed, hand trembling slightly against the table. A single tear escaped from her attempts to quiet it and trailed down her cheek.
Chakotay moved his hand to reach for her, carefully taking her hand, holding it steady with his. She looked to him, and closed her eyes offering him a slight nod of reassurance, a squeeze to his hand in return.
It was a tender moment, silently being observed from behind the frame of the open door, by a former drone, piecing together what she was witnessing.
=/\=
When the room fell silent again, Janeway wiped her face and turned toward the viewport. She crossed her arms, and looked over her shoulder to Chakotay who was still seated.
“They will be relieving me of my Captaincy,” she said bluntly. She lowered her gaze back to the Earth. “Rear Admiral. They call it a promotion.”
His eyes widened. “Rear Admiral is hardly a demotion.”
She scoffed. “An errand-boy. A glorified desk job.”
He stood up and moved to stand beside her. Hands behind his back again, assuming his role as First Officer. “You could refuse. You wouldn't be the first Captain to do so.”
“I somehow feel refusing is out of the option.” Her hands moved to her face and she ran them down her cheeks, hands motioning. “How did they put it?” Her face tightened and her brow furrowed as she recalled. Her voice now altered, lowered. “Kathryn, your contributions to Starfleet have been monumental in the vast knowledge we now have for the unknown. Your mapping of the Delta Quadrant has brought great honor to this Command and we are pleased to promote you to Rear Admiral. Your knowledge of this region will--” she paused racking her brain. “Or something like that. To be honest, I stopped listening after 'rear admiral'.”
“Sounds comfy.”
“Sounds boring.”
Chakotay straightened his back. “I wouldn't say so. You're soon to be the youngest Fleet Admiral in all of Starfleet History.”
She smiled and looked up to him, eyes brimming with tears. “Funny.”
“It's not a joke.”
She looked away again, afraid to show him any remaining tears that may threaten to fall. “All I've ever wanted was to fly with the stars. Seventy-five long years and a final resting place out there, turned into seven short years and a return voyage.”
He sighed. “It's a lot to take in.”
“I'm not sure if I can.” She shook her head downheartedly.
Chakotay turned his gaze toward her. Crystal blues now looked out beyond the Earth to the dense array of stars that glittered in the distance. Aged light beamed towards them, begging a Captain to join them once more.
Her sadness was apparent. The turmoil gripped her features as she attempted to make sense of the course set before her. She longed for reassurance, longed for direction.
She was grieving -- aching for the life she thought she had, for the time she thought she had left.
Chakotay put an arm around her. He waited for her breath to ease before he continued. “Whatever the future holds for you, you will no doubt give it the same amount of devotion you gave this mission.”
She tilted her head towards him, comforted by the weight of his arm across her shoulders. “I don't know what to do,” she confessed. Her voice was a whisper, frightened by her realization.
“Take your time,” he reassured her. His voice lowered as he dipped his head, lips inches from her ear. “I just know the stars won't be the same without you.”
=/\=
Coming soon: Chapter 2 - "Say Something" - Ian Axel, Chad King, and Mike Campbell