One of the Boys

by littlemisskookie

Summary:

All your life you wanted only one thing- for Kim Taehyung to like you. You did everything you could to make this happen, from picking up his hobbies and rejecting anything feminine. But who do you start to become when you stop trying to impress him?

You had known Kim Taehyung your entire life.

The two of you were next-door neighbors, living side by side for the entirety of your childhood. Your best friend would only live a few feet away, and you'd be able to talk to each other through your bedroom windows, which faced one another. It was fate that your worlds would sit right next to each other, intertwined. No matter what, there'd always be a bit of Taehyung in you, and a bit of you in Taehyung.

You couldn't remember a childhood memory without him. Sleepovers when you were little, like when you wore matching pajamas and accidentally got a lego stuck up your nose. Or when your parents would tease the two of you about how you were going to get married one day, and you two would let out grimaces and groans of disgust.

"Boys are gross! They've got cooties!" you'd whine.

"No, you've got cooties!" Taehyung would retort.

"Nuh-uh!"

But that's how kids are. Everyone's icky and gross and disgusting, and that was certainly your mindset on boys. You didn't get the appeal of getting married by the swingset or kisses on the cheeks. You'd also get annoyed when all of the girls in your grade would chase Taehyung around at recess, wanting him to be their new boyfriend.

"Y/N! Y/N protect me!"

Taehyung was always a bit of a baby, and today was no exception, with him cowering behind you as the group of giggling girls followed. You took pride in the fact that you were taller than Taehyung, and straightened your spine as to help hide his smaller frame, acting as a guard.

"Can't you leave him alone for five seconds?" you groaned, huffing as you shook your head in disappointment, just like how your mom would when your father messed up. Your short hair bounced with the movement. "He doesn't like-like you!"

"How would you know? You're not his girlfriend!"

A series of "ooh"s followed and your face got heated. "Why would I want to be his girlfriend? Gross!"

"C'mon, you two are always hanging out with each other. I bet he like-likes you," one of the boys, Jimin, says, walking up to your group.

"No way, Taehyung's mine!" one of the girls declared, followed by bickering.

Taehyung's ears turned pink. "I don't like-like Y/N!"

"Want to be with us then?" one of the girls questioned.

"No! Girls are gross!" Taehyung said, sticking out his tongue.

"Y/N's a girl!" another pointed out.

"She's different," he responded.

"Because you like-like her!" Jimin followed.

"No!" Taehyung stomped his foot. "Y/N's not like you girls. She's basically a guy!"

"Yeah!" you followed. "I'm not like you girls."

"She's cool!"

"I am!"

"She can kick the ball really far in dodgeball!"

"I can!"

"She's one of the guys!" With that, he slung his arm around you, which you proudly accepted.

One of the girls rolled her eyes. "You're just saying that because she looks like a guy."

It was true. You were always a bit tomboyish, mainly following Taehyung's example when it came to pretty much everything. You cut your hair in something akin to a bowl cut with kitchen scissors, much to your mother's distress, and you'd constantly throw a hissy fit when she tried to put you in a dress. "Taehyung doesn't wear dresses," you'd whine. "So why should I?"

"You're right, she might as well be a guy. Isn't that right, boy?" one of the girls questioned.

"I'm still a girl! I'm just cooler than you," you huffed.

"Whatever, boy."

"Come here!"

That was the day you had to get pulled off of a girl for pushing her into the mud and tackling her. She wasn't seriously hurt, but that was the day that cemented your position.

One of the boys.

Sure, you identified as a girl and that didn't change, but you were always a bit more tomboyish. You'd wear loose clothes like Taehyung's and only hang around guys, finding girls to be "obnoxious", a fancy word you heard from your mother when she described a coworker. You'd always be picked first for teams during P.E. and would get involved in the usual guy antics. That didn't change for a long time.

The mindset stuck around even when you were twelve when your breasts were beginning to develop and you had your first period. You were actually becoming attracted to boys and maturing, though you weren't quite there yet. You still clung onto the "not like other girls" mindset, priding yourself in how down to earth and relatable you were to guys, in comparison to the girls who obsessed over their looks and what they ate on television. If that's what being a girl meant, then you were going to be one of the guys.

This was only encouraged through Tumblr and Instagram posts of girls with backward baseball caps who made every caption about chicken nuggets alongside #relateable. Through it all, you stuck by Taehyung's side, as well as a few of his friends, but before long you started realizing that, while boys were still gross, there was something about them you couldn't get out of your head. At least, that was the case for Taehyung.

Taehyung was a bit taller than you now, finally starting to catch up with you after you sprouted like a weed. His hair was shinier and he finally learned how to properly use cologne and deodorant. He was handsome too, at this age, with most of the girls in your grade falling head over the heels for him. You were determined to differentiate yourself from them, though.

"Hey! Ugly!"

You rolled your eyes, opening your window to glare at Taehyung with his shit-eating grin. "What is it, stupid?"

It was a Friday morning and the two of you were getting ready for school, about to make your walk to the bus stop. This sort of greeting was typical for you- being best friends and all. You learned a long time ago that Taehyung didn't really mean it when he called you names. Besides, you could retort all you'd like. You guys were only 12, after all.

"Are you going to Jimin's birthday party tonight?"

"If you're there, sure." It was rare for you to go out without Taehyung. You were in the same friend group, after all. "I got him those rare Pokemon cards he's been buggin' me about. You?"

"I didn't even think of those!" Taehyung slapped his hand against his forehead, leaning against the windowsill. You did, too. If you were to jump and aim correctly, you probably could've catapulted in his room. If you reached your hand out, you could reach him easily. You wondered if you leaned in far enough whether the two of you could kiss. "Anyways, I got him tickets to a game. We'll be going with my dad."

"I thought we were going to a game soon," you said, frowning.

"We will! But Jimin's the birthday boy. You and I can go anytime. Besides, we both know you don't actually pay attention to the game. You just sit there and eat junk food."

"Excuse me if I'm not obsessed with looking like a twig- like you with those stick arms."

"Sometimes I think that your only personality trait is that you like food!"

"I oughta sock you!"

Taehyung laughed at that. "By the way, I think you can move on from those trainer bras. You're starting to get something there."

You covered your chest despite the fact you were already wearing a shirt. "You pervert! You were looking?"

"Not my fault you don't put up blinds. Besides, you know I don't see you that way," Taehyung snickered. For some reason, your heart sunk a little at that.

"Well, whatever. Not that it's any of your business but my mom's taking me bra shopping soon. Apparently she's got the same mentality as you."

"Looking to impress one of the guys at the party, huh?" Taehyung wiggled his brows suggestively.

You furrowed your brows. "What do you mean by that?"

"Yoongi says we're going to be playing spin the bottle."

"Oh."

You still hadn't had your first kiss yet. Taehyung got his in the fifth grade when one of the girls in another class was dared to kiss him towards the end of the school year. His ego inflated with that, and you scribbled out her face in your yearbook.

"You still haven't had your first kiss yet, have you?" Taehyung questioned, serious for once.

"No," you admitted. "Am I weird for that?"

"No. Everyone goes at their own pace. I don't think anyone's gonna pressure you to do it if you don't want to. I'll tell them off if they do," Taehyung assured you. Your heart warmed up a bit at that.

"That's sweet of you, Tae," you smiled. You took a deep breath. "But I want to get it over with. I swear to god if we do end up doing spin the bottle, whoever it lands on I'll kiss."

He shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, dude. Just make sure it isn't Namjoon. I saw him use tongue with a girl in the hallway, once, and I don't think you're ready for that."

You grimaced. "I'll keep that in mind."

Taehyung leans back to shut his window and you call out. "And for your information, I don't have blinds because it'd be a hassle to put them up every time I want to talk to you!" He smirks at that, with a sure you do look. With that, you slam your window shut.

-

You fidget with your bangs an unusual amount, staring at the mirror every few seconds before glancing at the clock. Two minutes. Two minutes before you'd be going with Taehyung's mom as she drives the two of you over to a boy-girl party. Two minutes before you're going to a party where you'd have your first kiss. Two minutes.

What if it landed on Namjoon? What if he wanted to use tongue? You didn't want anyone to know you had never been kissed before. Would he be able to tell? If he used tongue he definitely would be able to. Did you want your first kiss to be tongue? You looked up some Youtube videos of girls kissing with tongue on Youtube, but you still felt clueless.

Or worse...

What if it was Taehyung?

You couldn't deny you wanted it to be him. But that was precisely why he couldn't know.

Would he find out your feelings? Even though he knows you've never been kissed, would he judge you for being a bad kisser?

"Honey! Mrs. Kim and Taehyung are waiting for you!"

You took in a deep breath, messing with your hair one more time before marching downstairs towards your fate.

-

The party wasn't what you expected.

Sure, you weren't expecting the club scene you always saw on TV, with flashing lights and red solo cups. However, it mainly seemed like a bunch of kids standing and talking to one another. Oh, and a few playing Monopoly in the corner.

"It seems kind of... God, what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Dismal?" Taehyung finishes for you.

"Good use of our vocab."

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'll get to all the fun stuff once the parents start trickling out. Helicopter parents are the worst," Taehyung said.

"Hey, guys! I'm so glad you could make it," a familiar voice said. The two of you turn around to see Jimin, with a bright smile on his face as usual.

"Hey, Jimin!" Taehyung grabs him in a bro-hug, with the mandatory two slaps on the back before pulling away. No-homo.

"Happy Birthday!" You wrap him in a bear hug. "Where do you want us to put the gifts?"

"Uh, that table over there should be fine," Jimin says, pointing to the table. "I'm betting you two are going to have a lot of fun tonight."

"We hope so," you grin.

"No, no, not like that. I've got a few people asking- well, more accurately hoping- to kiss you two during the spin the bottle."

You furrow your brows, exchanging a look with Taehyung. "What do you mean?"

Jimin ignored your confusion. "Alas! I told them the bottle will decide their fate, and not I. I even told a few of the girls that I had gotten it from some psychic who said it was enchanted for true love."

"Did you?" Taehyung questioned.

"Maybe." Jimin winked at that. "So you better hope whoever it lands on is cute."

The game comes along far sooner than you would've liked.

All of the boys and girls landed in a circle. You sat right next to Taehyung, of course. You looked around the circle, wondering who wanted to kiss who. You already spied two girls who would not pry their eyes off of Taehyung. Namjoon kept glancing over at you. However, for a boy who already used tongue, he seemed rather shy, staring back down at his lap once you caught him staring.

Everyone was going around the circle counterclockwise. There had been two people who have gone, each kissing someone. Two guys who gave each other a peck out of discomfort, and a boy and a girl. Now, it was your turn.

You stared down at the empty coke bottle, your heart thundering in your chest.

"I bet Y/N's hoping it lands on a girl," one of the girls who was staring at Taehyung says loudly to another. Your face burns up from embarrassment as the two of them giggle, everyone in the circle hearing it.

"I like boys, for your information," you defend yourself, though your voice sounds shaky. Damn your nerves. "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay."

"Oh? Why are you in such denial about it, then, huh? You must be lying, seeing as you're shaking," the girl retorts.

"Besides," the other chimes in, "isn't it true you're trying out for softball this year?"

It was true. Taehyung had been talking to you about how he was wanting to join the baseball team, and, as a further effort to stay close to him, you decided you wanted to join the softball team. He had told you it was impossible for a girl to join the baseball team, so you opted for what you could. Who knows? Maybe others would be impressed by how athletic you are.

You were now beginning to regret that decision.

"Hey," Taehyung cuts in. "That's supremely rude. I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but the fact you're putting it as some sort of insult makes you come across as homophobic. What are you, ignorant? Besides, weren't we taught that enforcing stereotypes was counterproductive? Just because Y/N is looking into softball doesn't mean she's gay. As far as I know, as her best friend, she's not. But if she was she deserves just as much respect as anyone else here."

"Wow, Taehyung, way to impress your little girlfriend," one of the other kids says, clapping his hands slowly. He eventually stops though upon noticing no one else joining.

"I have no tolerance for assholes," Taehyung huffed. He turns to you, his voice low so only you can hear. "Don't mind them. They're just jealous because no one wants to kiss them."

Your chest swelled with admiration for Taehyung, but you try to suppress it. You couldn't help but beam with pride, however. "Thank you for that, Tae. Your vocabulary seems to have expanded."

"Thank our English teacher," he chuckles. "Now what're you waiting for? Spin the bottle."

You choke down on any fear you have. If Taehyung had the balls to stand up for you, why couldn't you do one measly peck? You tap against the neck of the bottle, letting it spin in the center of the circle before stopping at... Taehyung.

"Should've seen it coming, from that big speech you made," Namjoon sighed, slight disappointment lacing his voice.

"Wait a minute, this could be a big development in their friendship, you know. They are best friends after all, and maybe this would finally get rid of all that tension. Like the movies!" Jimin beams. "There's gonna be one couple who walks out of this party."

"Tension? What tension?" Taehyung furrows his brows.

"As if you don't know," Jimin scoffs, rolling his eyes. "What're you waiting for? Kiss her! It's about time."

Taehyung's ears go red as he turns to you. "We don't have to if you don't want to. My dad taught me what consent is."

I want to.

"Eh, let's just get it over with."

Nailed it.

Taehyung's movements are slow, and you wonder for a moment why he doesn't just plant one on you. Tension does seem to build, and you're holding your breath, tense as his hand comes up to cup your cheek. What was he waiting for?

Oh right. It's your first kiss. He wants it to be special.

And special it was.

He musters up the courage and leans in, his lips pressing against yours. You close your eyes like you know you're supposed to, feeling his soft lips against your own. You can taste the EOS chapstick already, and before you can kiss him back the way you practiced on your hand, it was over. He pulled away and the two of you are left awkwardly staring at one another.

"Well... did sparks fly?" Jimin looks between the two of you, an excited fan, looking to see if his ship was sailing.

"You set yourself up for disappointment, Jimin. Not everything is like those novels your mom reads," Taehyung huffs.

"Yeah, like me and Tae would ever be like that," you laugh, the butterflies in your stomach going on a full-on rampage. "We're best friends."

"Heck yeah, we are," Taehyung chuckles, offering his hand for a fist bump. You oblige, and he takes his turn to spin the bottle.

You had felt something. You felt everything.

But Taehyung didn't. It was that day you faced the possibility that he never would.

-

"Is it true that Taehyung has a crush on Yeji?"

You're stunned by the question, looking up at the girl talking to you. You had never spoken to this girl a day in your life, despite the fact the two of you shared a class together. You should've expected this, though. Girls were constantly coming up to you to ask questions about Taehyung.

"I don't know."

The girl furrows her brows, agitated. "I would think you'd know. You're his best friend."

"Well, I don't."

"Doesn't it make you jealous? I mean, you've been with him for like, forever, and now he's looking at some other girl."

She's clearly trying to get a rise out of you. It was working.

"I really don't care. Tae and I are just friends, and that's more than you'll ever be able to say." You glare at her for a moment. "Now leave me alone."

The girl huffs but obliges, storming away to her gossiping group of friends, leaving you to ponder to yourself.

Yeji? No way. It couldn't be her. Yeji was one of the girls who was already wearing makeup in middle school. It made her look like a tramp in your opinion. Unless... That was why he liked her?

The next morning you snuck into your mom's makeup bag and went through the contents. You had watched dozens of makeup videos on Instagram and were determined to get this right.

Mom's foundation was a little darker than your own complexion, but surely no one would notice that. The same could be said for her concealer, which you used to cover up the blemishes you had, from a particularly large zit on your forehead to the scratch on your cheek from softball practice. You put on some bright eyeshadow and started on your eyeliner. Eye one... done! It doesn't even look that bad. You do the next one. Oh, that one's bigger. You didn't want to ruin your eyeshadow though. Maybe if you just make the first wing a bit thicker... no that's too much. You should go back to balancing the second... Perfect! Lots and lots of mascara. You put layers upon layers until they stand out individually. You top it off with bright pink lip gloss.

You exit your house in stride, waiting for Taehyung to walk you to the bus stop. You wondered what he'd think of your new look. Would he think you were pretty like Yeji?

"Hey, Ugl- woah." Taehyung walks up to you, and the first expression he makes is one of complete shock.

"Hey, Tae!"

"Why're you wearing all of that goop on your face?"

You feel yourself wilt. "What do you mean?"

"Y/N, you look like you're ready for the circus."

You felt anger rising in your chest. You had watched plenty of makeup tutorials. You knew what you were doing! Why did he like makeup on Yeji and not you? "I look fine!"

"No, you don't. I'm telling you right now you need to wipe all of that off, it's ridiculous," Taehyung said, rolling his eyes. "As your best friend, it's mandatory that I do this."

You feel tears well up in your eyes and you rush inside. You angrily scrub your face with makeup wipes and tears, your face red by the time you're done, though there's still slight dark circles under your eyes from the mascara. However, it was passable.

You storm out of your house once again, wiping away any leftover tears. Taehyung's still waiting for you as always.

He sighs at the sight of your upset form but begins walking with you. "Trust me, you'll thank me once we're older."

"Whatever," you huff.

"What made you want to wear makeup anyway? You hate that stuff."

"It's none of your business."

"You shouldn't be wearing it just to impress someone. You look fine without it. If they don't like you for who they are you shouldn't even bother."

You shrug with indifference, coming off as aloof.

"C'mon... talk to me."

"What do you like about Yeji?"

The question catches him off guard. "Yeji? I mean... she's got cool handwriting. I don't like-like her though."

"Oh. Some girl asked me if you did." You can't help but feel your mood lift already at the news.

"According to some people, I'm dating a new girl every week," Taehyung huffs in annoyance. "I just wish they'd stop coming to you about it and ask me instead."

You shrug. "I don't know. I mean, do people ask you about me?"

"Yeah, some of my guy friends do."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I find it annoying," Taehyung says.

"Maybe it shows how good of friends we are. We're always associated with each other. Attached at the hip." You beam at the thought.

"Like siblings."

That wasn't what you wanted to hear.

-

You're sixteen when everything truly starts to change between you and Taehyung.

After all this time, you're left pining. You're left a female clone of him, doing everything together and sharing the same interests. Both of you were planning on going to the same college, were in sports, and the same AP classes. Conjoined twins, that's what you two acted like.

And yet he still hasn't looked your way.

Lately, in fact, it felt like you never would. You felt the two of you getting emotionally distant. He was drawing back. He had more friends than you did, was more popular. He had a whole life outside of you and it seemed like you didn't.

In fact, you had signed up for a camp over the summer in hopes that you could possibly find something you enjoyed outside of him.

You didn't want him to pull away from you. But what if it was better you do it first?

You held onto hope after all these years, but one day, in particular, depletes it.

"You're going to the game, right?"

It was the softball team's last game of the season, the last of your Junior year. It would help determine whether or not you'd make it into varsity next year. AKA it was the biggest game of the season for you.

"How could I not? Anything for my girl," Taehyung grins, ruffling your hair with fondness. Your chest swells at the nickname.

You didn't know why you even asked. Taehyung always made it an effort to go to your games, just like how you made it an effort to go to his baseball games. It worked well, you being one of the best batters on your team and him being the best pitcher on his. That way the two of you could practice easily alone.

Still, you liked confirmation. You liked hearing Taehyung say he'd be at the games for you. Not anyone else, you.

"By the way, did you still need the answers to that AP Psych homework?" you question.

"Oh, no. I got it when I was studying with Ryujin."

Ryujin. His tutor. The bitch in the National Honor Society. You were one point from joining, believe it or not. Taehyung had been struggling in AP Psych and needed help, and though typically you would, you were admittedly struggling a bit too. In stepped Ryujin. You despised her for being so utterly perfect. Who had the right to be nice, smart, and pretty at the same time? The world was unfair. Besides, she didn't have an athletic bone in her body.

You despised her.

Taehyung offered to have you step in and also get tutored by her, but you refused. You really couldn't stand being in her presence, and besides, you were nauseated at the idea of being stuck with a girl giving your best friend goo-goo eyes. You've been the third wheel for situations like that dozens of times, and it was awful each and every time.

And so, it was a hot May afternoon, with your last game of the season. It was the seventh inning. Your team was three points behind your opponents. The bases were loaded. You had two out. You had already fucked up enough with two strikes and one ball. Your coach was biting on her nails, eyes intense.

Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up.

You felt your heart thundering in your chest. You were getting anxious. Never before had there been so much pressure on you.

"You've got this Y/N. Woo!"

You look to the stands. In the far back are your parents, alongside Taehyung's. It was rare for Tae's parents to come with Taehyung, but seeing how they were friends with your parents, they knew what a big day this was for you. In the front of the stands, Taehyung stands there with a big grin on his face, eating popcorn. Two girls are at his side. Ryujin, who isn't even looking at the game but rather at Taehyung, making your blood boil. And then Yuna, a girl from your class who you barely knew but acted nice towards, despite the fact she was the polar opposite of you. You were surprised to hear her cheering instead of Taehyung's. What was a girl like her, in tube tops and hoop earrings, doing at a softball game of all things?

"C'mon, Y/N!" Taehyung's cheer is somewhat incoherent through the kernels. "Knock 'em dead!"

You feel many emotions at once. Anxiety and fear, from the possibility of fucking this up. Anger from seeing Ryujin next to Taehyung, her body practically pressed next to his as she attempted to get closer despite the heat. Pride and joy from hearing Taehyung's (and even Yuna's) support. And finally, determination for the game.

You take in a deep breath, swinging the bat around in your hand before stepping on the plate.

Despite the fact, your eye was on the ball, your attention was entirely on the stands.

The ball hurtles towards you.

You swing.

The ball soars high above everyone's head. It flies, far, far away, before disappearing into the distance.

You're stunned.

"HOMERUN!" You think the shout is Yuna's.

Your feet fly beneath you, as do your teammates on the bases. First base, second base, third... You feel elated, your heart pounding in your chest. Your teammate's cheer. Your coach lets out a victory roar. The people on the stands cheer. It fuels you, blood pumping through your veins, pure ecstasy coursing through them. You hit the home base and turn around to grin at Taehyung.

But he isn't looking at you at all.

He was locking lips with Ryujin.

You stop in your tracks, stunned. Of all the times, he was making out with another girl. At your moment. Had he even watched your homerun? Suddenly the roars of everyone around you seem too loud. It feels overwhelming. Your senses are going into overload. You want to cry, you want to scream, you want to walk up there and rip them apart.

Before your teammates can even tackle you in a hug to celebrate your victory, you dash off, inside, to some restroom.

You lost him. And he wasn't even yours in the first place.

-

Your mom had gotten you a celebratory cake for dinner, despite the fact you had already eaten dinner with your teammates. It was more of a mini celebration for your family and Taehyung's to spend time together, eating cake and celebrating a bit before midnight.

You weren't really in the mood to celebrate, however. You weren't in the mood for anything. You just wanted to go to bed.

"And when you hit the ball-" Your dad gushed, simulating the movement of the ball overhead with his hand. "-it was fantastic!"

"You're so talented, Y/N. Better than some of the guys on Tae's team," Taehyung's dad compliments.

"Thank you, Mr. Kim," you say, trying your best to seem happy. Inside you felt depleted.

"By the way, Taehyung," your mother says, drawing the young man's attention. "I saw you and your little girlfriend in the stands."

"Oh, yeah... That's Ryujin." Taehyung's ears begin to go red.

"He's been talking about her nonstop for the past month or so," Taehyung's mother says. "Did you make it official, Tae? You know your father and I can't wait to meet her."

"Yeah, we did."

You feel rage and disappointment fill every part of your body.

"Hey, let's not distract from Y/N's achievements!" Taehyung's dad scolds, drawing the attention back to you. "You must be excited for varsity next year, huh? No doubt you've got a spot now."

"I... don't think I'll be continuing softball, actually."

The room is quiet.

"What do you mean?" Taehyung's beyond confused, furrowing his brows.

"I just know that if I do it next year I'll be expected to do it during college, and then as my career... and I don't think I want to do softball forever. You typically don't make that much during softball, at least compared to baseball. It's just not that fun anymore."

Everyone is stunned, unsure of how to respond. It feels awkward.

"Thank you for the cake, Mom." You barely ate any of your piece. Still, you push your plate forward. "I really appreciate it. I think I'm going to go to bed. You guys can continue to celebrate without me."

You head upstairs, and to no one's surprise, Taehyung follows you. He closes the door, giving you a look. "Ok, so what's going on. You love softball. And now you're gonna quit?"

You just shrug. "What's the point?"

What was the point? The whole reason you started it was to try to get closer to Tae. To be like him. To get him to notice you, pay attention to you, and now see where it led.

"You can't seriously be quitting."

"I am. I already informed the coach tonight I wasn't going to be joining next year. She was disappointed, but she understood."

"Y/N, what the fuck is going on with you?"

"Nothing. However, I didn't appreciate you kissing Ryujin during my 'big moment'."

Taehyung's face turns red. "So that's what this is about?"

"Did you even watch, Taehyung?"

"You can't seriously be pinning all of this on me!"

"Answer my question!"

He looks away, unable to meet your gaze. "So yeah, I got distracted. You can't blame me."

"Yes, I can! I'm your best friend. It was my moment, it was going to determine so much and you couldn't keep your attention on me for five more seconds because you were swiping saliva with your new girlfriend!" You're angry. Your voice is rising. You didn't want to think about whether or not the adults downstairs could hear you. You throw your pillow across the room in frustration.

"OK. I was wrong. I know that. I'm really sorry, Y/N. I've liked this girl for a long time, though. You don't understand, you've never-"

"Never what? Had a crush on someone? That's bullshit, Tae. Complete and utter bullshit!"

Your eyes begin to well up with tears. You wonder at that moment if Taehyung knew. Surely you were obvious, he could've caught on after all these years. But if he did, why would he hurt you so badly?

"No. No, you're right. It was wrong for me to insinuate that, Y/N. I'm sorry. Really, I am. I fucked up, I know I did. It was your day and I focused on someone else instead. I was inconsiderate. I'd be mad too. I'm really, really sorry."

Part of you wanted to say it was ok. But it wasn't. Not now, at least.

"Yeah, you fucked up," you say quietly, tears rolling down your cheeks. It's hard for you to get the words out properly, what with the lump in your throat. You hated letting Tae see you cry. It made you feel pitiful. You try to calm the anger inside of you as best you could. You and Taehyung had gotten into fights plenty of times before. This time felt different. This time felt serious.

"Don't make up your mind about softball yet. We can practice and play together during the summer. If once the school year comes around and you still don't want to play, I understand and respect your choice. But please, don't just make a rash decision based on my mistake."

"I'm not going to be here for the summer."

He looks confused. "What do you mean?"

"I signed up for that summer camp as a counselor about a week ago. I'm going to be leaving about a week after the school year's over."

"You can't be serious. And you didn't even tell me?"

"I told my parents. I would've assumed they'd tell yours."

"They probably assumed I already knew because you would've told me!" His chest starts to rise and his breathing is heavy with anger and frustration.

"It's just one summer, Tae."

"We were going to spend it together. Like always."

"Maybe it's time we do something different. I do something different."

"I'll go to camp with you."

"Signups closed last week, Tae. I was the last one. Besides, you'll be spending all summer with Ryujin." Your voice cracks at her name.

"I don't get why you hate her so much."

"I don't hate her."

"Yes, you do. You give her dirty looks and you're super judgemental. You're like that with everyone, but it seems particularly targetted towards her."

"I just don't like her, ok? I have the right to. It's my business."

"What, are you afraid she'll replace you or something? You're still my best friend, Y/N. No matter what girl I'm interested in you'll always be my best friend."

That didn't feel like the right thing to say, however, as you feel even more upset. "I just think we need to take a break."

"So what, you're breaking up with me?"

"It's not a breakup if we're not in a relationship." It hurts when you say the words, but it's true. You and Taehyung weren't in a relationship. You never were. He was free to like whoever he wanted. You couldn't control him and you didn't own him. He was his own person outside of you. You only wished you could say the same about yourself.

Taehyung gives a look of sadness and defeat. "It's just a break, right? Not forever?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Is there more to this than just me kissing during your homerun?" Taehyung questions, starting to freak out at your noncommital answer. "I mean, we were fine one moment and now we're not."

"We're fine, Tae."

"No, we're not. Not when you're crying and wanting us to take a break and all of... all of this."

"I think I just need to figure myself out first, Taehyung. You have so much of your life outside of me, and a girlfriend just adds to the list. I guess I've just started to feel like I wasn't anyone without you. My life circles around you and-"

"You want to remove me from your life?"

"You're jumping to conclusions. I just need to figure out who I am without you. When you're not there." When I'm not in love with you.

"You're amazing, Y/N. You're smart, athletic, strong- the list could go on."

"That's sweet of you Taehyung, really. But I just need time to clear my head."

"Of me?"

"...yeah," you sigh. "Look, you'll be fine. It's only a few months and I'll be back. You can text me. You'll have Ryujin. I just need time to myself to figure myself out, to figure out... a lot. This was like a ticking time bomb, it was bound to happen. I wouldn't have signed up for this last week if it was about today's events, would I?"

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I think it's what I need."

"Ok. Just promise you'll come back to me once you're done with this self-discovery thing?" Taehyung resembles a kicked puppy right now. Your heart begins to crack. "I just... I feel like I'm losing you."

You've felt that way about him for a long time now. Maybe it was about time to be on the other side. Get them before they get you, maybe.

But no, despite everything you still didn't want to lose Taehyung. You just needed to let go of the part of you that was so utterly infatuated with him. You needed to lose the part of you that was nothing but him. You needed to find out who you were, and all within the span of a few months.

"You know me. I'll always come back. I'll always be by your side, Tae."

Taehyung's crying. You've seen him cry a million times. At romcoms, whenever his scooter hit his ankle, and when the teacher yelled at him. Never like this, though.

He attacks you in a bear hug. "I love you. I don't know why, but I really feel the need to say it right now. I just think you need to be reminded of that. Is that sappy?"

Your heart melts a bit. "I love you too, Tae." Even if it wasn't in the same way. "I always will, one way or another."

-

When you enrolled to become a summer camp counselor, you expected a lot of things. Taking care of younger children, unappetizing food, the hot sun- sure, whatever.

What you did not expect, however, was Yuna of all people.

Yuna was similar to Ryujin in a lot of ways. She was also shockingly beautiful and damn smart. Obnoxiously girly, too. The exact opposite of you with her tied up camp shirts and makeup. But there was something about her that made it where you couldn't possibly dislike her, no matter how aloof you'd appear to be. You'd try to give her the cold shoulder, act disinterested, all of it- but she took it in stride and still treated you nicely. You couldn't figure it out.

She was your bunkmate for the summer, letting you choose whatever side you wanted. She often worked with the same age group you did, mainly around the 9-10-year-olds. You wouldn't be able to shake her off even if you wanted to.

You had to spend more time with her than anyone else. You would've preferred spending time with the guys, but the overseeing counselors made sure to keep the teen counselors as separated as possible when it came to genders. Almost adults were just brimming with raging hormones it seemed.

But you tolerated Yuna for the most part, only occasionally glaring a bit at her sparkly hoops or impractical flashy sandals.

It wasn't until one day when the two of you were on a lunch break in the counselor's break room while the kids were in the mess hall, that she questioned you about it.

"How come you don't like me?" she questioned.

"I don't hate you."

"I said dislike," she corrected. She didn't seem confrontational, or angry. Simply curious. "You seem to dislike a lot of the girls here. And in general."

You shrug. "I don't know... we're just different, I guess. I'm not like you."

"Different how? We're both girls."

You tense up at that. "Well, you're a girly girl. I'm basically a guy."

"You're trans? Not that I'm judging. It's cool either way, and I support LGBT rights."

"What? No, I'm not. I'm not a lesbian either if that's what you're wondering. You don't know how often I've been asked that," you correct.

"So you don't like me because I'm girly?"

"I don't like anything that's girly. It's just... I don't know. Weird. Unnecessary. Like girls grooming themselves to be prettier and feminine and just..."

"Let me guess- you despised stuff like Taylor Swift and One Direction back in the day- or even now- because they were targetted towards teenage girls?"

You grimaced, sneering a little. "You like them?"

"Damn right I do!" She slaps her hand on the table. "They had kick-ass music and I'm not ashamed. No one says shit about what teenage boys liked, like Beyblades or Pokemon cards."

"Those things are cool, though. It's just the more feminine things like cheesy love songs and pink and Barbies..." You found yourself rolling your eyes already. "They're just... stupid."

"What's wrong with feminine things?"

Your face was getting heated as you struggled to answer her bombarding questions. "I don't know. I guess it's just... weak? Girls are always so pouty, and whiney, and it's always mani-pedis this, makeup that, heels this, pink that. I just don't find it appealing. Guys are better, more simple. Less complicated. Less drama. Less... superficial."

Yuna's brows furrow as she tries to understand what you're saying. "So you're like... sexist against your own sex."

"What? I'm not sexist. How can I be sexist against my own gender?"

"It's like internalized misogyny," she states. "'Guys are so much better. Guy stuff is so much better. Not superficial, not weak, not this not that. Being girly is bad.' That's how you sound right now."

Your eyes narrow. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Tell me, Y/N, have you ever thought of, or used the phrase, 'I'm not like other girls'?"

Your face turns red with embarrassment, and it's enough for her.

"Yeah, I get it. Hey, look, we've all had that phase. Most girls went through it in like, middle school. It's typically because society tells us that we're supposed to be girly, but also tells us that girls and those things are weak. Therefore we combat the boxes we're supposed to be in and reject everything about it despite the fact it isn't weak. Women aren't weak, so why should the things we associate with women be weak?"

"I didn't take you for such a feminist."

"I'm the vice president of the Women's Equality club at our school, actually," she beamed. "I'm running for president next year."

"Wow. Mindblowing."

She ignores your sarcasm. "I'm not trying to shove my beliefs down your throat or anything. You're entitled to your opinion, no matter how self-destructive I may think it is. But hear me out. I don't think girls caring about their appearances or superficial things is a bad thing. Hell, I don't even think it's a feminine thing."

"What do you mean? Girls are always going on about their hair, their makeup, their status- that sort of thing."

"And guys are always going on about their body count, their Jordans, and their muscles," she counteracts, quirking a brow.

"You've... got me there."

"C'mon, you're friends with guys. You must see that too. I mean, I think I've heard Taehyung go on about his fancy clothes a million times, and I've only shared three classes with him total!"

That was true. Taehyung really did like his fancy shirts. "I don't know, Taehyung's a genuine guy."

"And girls aren't?" Yuna cocks her head to the side. "I'd like to think I've been genuine with you so far."

"You have," you admit. No one else had been this straightforward with you. "But most girls aren't."

"Like you?" she finishes. "I bet a bunch of girls have attempted to befriend you, but you just prejudged them and casted them aside because they weren't what you deemed 'cool enough' for you or any of that."

"How do you know they weren't judging me first? Or trying to get through me to get to Taehyung?"

"It's possible. But that can't be every single girl. Girls are just as much individuals as men are. No two are the same and all can have varying interests. Both 'girly' and 'boyish'."

"I don't follow."

"Girls are allowed to like lots of things. I'm stereotypically girly but I still like some of the more boyish things you do, like baseball."

"Is that why you were at my game?"

"I come to every game. My dad likes to watch baseball with me, so I grew up with it. Angels girl through and through. I just happened to be talking to Taehyung at the time, which is probably why you just noticed me," she explained.

"I mean, I guess girls are allowed to like other things," you admit.

"They are!" She beams, as though she could see your walls slowly coming down as you begin to reanalyze your mindset. "The thing is girls aren't shamed by society to like traditionally masculine things, but boys are shamed for liking feminine things because society views femininity as weak. That's why you always see badass girls on TV act like total dudes without emotion and with strength, but you rarely see a superhero male cry or like small cute things or show more feminine traits. Though I'd have to give credit to the recent developments of modern television."

"You really do your research on this, huh?"

"I just like to pay attention to things that ignite my passion. Social justice is one of them, even if I've been called the 'feminazi cancer' of our school," she shrugs. "I'm not forcing anyone to believe in what I do, though. I just like having a conversation. A friendly debate, I guess."

"You're not so bad at all, I guess," you say under your breath. "You might've made... good points. Or whatever."

She seems to radiate at those words. "It's not so bad making friends other than guys, isn't it? A healthy level of estrogen to balance out all of the testosterone you're surrounded by."

You chuckle at that. "I guess so."

There's a moment of silence between you two, but it's one of mutual understanding.

"Not to ruin the moment," Yuna cuts in. "But are you in love with Taehyung? I know you've been asked before, but... at the game I saw how you looked at him. Especially when he and Ryujin kissed."

You take a moment of silence, pondering over the question. You felt as though you could talk to her. It wasn't like you could talk to Taehyung.

"Yeah," you finally admit, to both her and yourself. "I think I am."

"What happened? I always thought you guys would end up together. I just figured it would've happened by now until Ryujin came along."

"I don't know. He never looked my way. I tried everything. I've liked him since we were little kids. I took up all of his hobbies and interests. Similarities are what really attract people, you know? I read that online and in our psychology textbooks like a million times. But he never seemed to look my way. I was always just his best friend. I used to think it was just because he was interested in the type of girls I hated, the ones the opposite of us, with makeup and all that stuff..."

"Is that why you hate girly stuff so much? To stand out from the others in front of him?" Yuna tried her best to analyze your words. "Like a kind of 'pick me pick me' mindset?"

"I guess," you shrug. "I think I just wanted to be the one he looked at. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to stand out. I just wanted him to look at me."

"So what now? Does he know how you feel?"

"I don't know. He and I had this big fight a few weeks ago, about a week before camp. The night of the game. I was mad about Ryujin. Mad he wasn't looking at me and my moment. I even ended up quitting softball."

"Oh no," she gasped. "You shouldn't give up on something you love."

"I'm not even sure if I love it, honestly," you tell her. "I'm starting to see more and more that everything I do, everything about me, was just about him. I don't even know who I am anymore. We got in a fight that night and I told him that I needed some time, and told him I was leaving for camp, which was a major bombshell to him. I'm not sure if it was the right call, though. I feel like I left things with him on the rocks to take this break. I just wanted to find out who I am without him, you know?"

She nodded sympathetically. "I understand that. You need to try and become an individual. Not like, one of his limbs. You're your own separate person. You're not just 'Taehyung's best friend'."

You grin. It feels like she gets you. Better than Taehyung does. Better than guys usually did. Was this what it was like being friends with a girl? This deep-rooted understanding? "Yeah, exactly."

"Would this path of self-discovery perhaps involved indulging in at least a few feminine things?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on! At least some part of you has to be curious about what some of the things are like."

"Well, I tried makeup on, like, once, in middle school. I stole my mom's makeup and it was awful. Taehyung made me go back inside and wash it off. I looked like a mess, I even admit it now."

"Are you open to trying it again?"

"I'm not sure..."

"C'mon! It'll be fun! A little girl's night. I can teach you makeup, you can try on some of the dresses I brought with me- I haven't gotten to wear them like I thought- and ooh! We can even pierce your ears! You'd look killer in hoops."

You laughed at that. "One step at a time."

-

"I'm really starting to think I'm just not meant to be girly."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad!"

"Yuna, I've got nail polish on my wrist. It's supposed to go on my nails, hence the name."

"Well, you're sloppy, sure, but everyone is their first time! Besides you started with your non-dominant hand, which I've never heard of before," she huffed. "Here, let me do your other hand. I'll show you how it's supposed to be done."

You offer her the nail polish and your hand, and she meticulously coats the shiny color on. She blows on your fingertips for a bit after doing a second coat, and you wiggle your fingers, admiring it.

"See? Isn't that pretty?" she remarks.

"I feel like a hooker."

"Not only hookers wear nail polish! E-boys do it too."

"I don't think I've ever seen an e-boy with red nail polish," you note. You cock your head to the side, looking at it. "Is the reason it looks so off because my nails are short?"

"No, plenty of people with short nails wear nail polish." Yuna pauses. "But it may have contributed to the rumor you were a lesbian."

"Ha, funny," you say bluntly. "I guess it's a nice change, though."

"We haven't even gotten to the best part!" Yuna shuffles through her duffle bag before getting out a small bag, dumping out the contents to reveal various cosmetics. "Makeup!"

"Oh, I don't know..."

"C'mon! I'm dying to see you in red. The nail polish only further proves my theory that red's your color."

"Well, can we start it off easy? I don't want to look like a hooker on the first try."

"For the last time, stop comparing girly things to being cheap!" Yuna huffs. "I suppose though that it'd be best for us to try a natural look though... Just enhance your already pretty features."

You grimace at the word. The only time you've ever been called pretty was probably by your mom. In the fifth grade.

Still, you close your eyes, you purse your lips, and you bear with the weird sensation of various brushes on your face before you're locking eyes with yourself in a mirror.

You look... pretty.

Still yourself, but small things. Small details. Your lips are a little shinier, and your eyes look a bit more defined. Your lashes are longer and you can't even see some of the blemishes on your face unless you squint.

And yet you still look like you.

"Oh, wow." You can't help but blurt out the words, all you can manage in your moment of surprise.

"I know right! I went for one of those Michelle Phan looks- God I love her new makeup. And you look stunning as ever!" Yuna beams as she admires her handiwork. "I'm telling you, you'd turn heads in an instant."

"It feels kind of weird on my face."

"You get used to it. There's a lot of makeup that's a lot more breathable if you'd like me to introduce you to it." Yuna stares intently at you as you continue to examine your looks. "So... what do you think?"

"I feel... pretty."

Yuna's smile was so big you thought her face would tear in two.

"Really? Really? Oh my God, I'm so happy to hear that!" She squeals, dropping the mirror before attacking you in a bear hug. "Now to try on the skirt I brought!"

"You never mentioned skirts!"

"I've got just the thing!"

"That's like two inches long, woman!"

-

As it turns out, there are some things you really like about being "girly". You hated to admit it but there were always some aspects that you wished to explored, yet refused yourself to. It didn't feel so much as conforming to what a woman was supposed to be rather than expressing yourself. You found out things you never would've thought you would.

You weren't a big fan of foundation or eyeshadow, for one, though you definitely enjoyed cat wings and lipstick. You liked using heat products to curl or straighten your hair, though Yuna had to make sure you didn't do too much in fear you could cause heat damage. You also learned that you couldn't use an eyelash curler for the life of you.

Your confidence seemed to grow, too. You usually wore baggy clothes, so showing off your body beyond what you were usually comfortable with was different. You were uncomfortable at first, but Yuna let you slowly build up to wearing skirts or dresses. Nothing too skimpy, and the skirts weren't nearly as short as hers, but it was modest enough for you to feel as though you weren't going to flash anyone. As it turns out, you had great legs.

Over the course of summer camp, you made a transformation. You even got your ears pierced. Though that was a horrifying experience.

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

"Of course I do! I've done this like ten times."

"Shouldn't we just go to Claire's or something?"

"No way! With those piercing guns? You're far better off with a needle."

"I don't know..."

"Girls get these through their nipples and clits- this'll be nothing!"

"They what?!"

"Get ready!"

"Yuna I change my- FUCK!"

"Stop crying, we've got to do the other side. Geez, who thought you were such a baby."

So yeah, that went well.

You were still able to enjoy things that were tomboyish. You taught baseball to the kids you were taking care of at the camp. You still scraped your knees and wore baseball caps. Turns out that even a skimpy skirt didn't stop Yuna from getting her hands dirty.

Taehyung had texted you throughout camp. He made sure to text you every day. Despite the distance you were taking from him, you couldn't help but feel your heart jump in your chest with every chime of your phone. However, you found yourself less eager to check your phone every five seconds for his messages. You were becoming occupied. You had another friend to spend time with.

Besides, based on his social media he was doing just fine with Ryujin. The two of them seemed to constantly post on Instagram. Pain still leered with every photo, but you tried your best to ignore it.

Yuna always wanted to post the two of you on social media. "Let me show off my bestie!" she'd say.

You'd refuse, opting instead to take photos for her as she modeled. She was damn good at it too. When she questioned why you were so averse to posting any of the photos you two would take, you struggled to answer. You looked at your old posts. Softball pictures. Taehyung. Food. Memes. More Taehyung.

Were you ready for the world to see what you were like now? For Taehyung to? To let go of your previous image?

You decided to keep it a secret for now.

Summer camp was over sooner than you would've liked. A week before school started, to be precise. It was sad, parting with the kids who had grown attached to you, and leaving the place that seemed to start part of your coming of age story. Part of you assumed your friendship with Yuna would be over once the glory of camp ended, but she showed up to your house with some face masks that her mom gave her and PJs for a sleepover.

You laid on your bed, feeling the slimy texture of the mask as Yuna gazed out of your window.

"Holy shit, did he get more fit?" she questioned, gazing into Taehyung's bedroom window. "Just when I thought he couldn't get any hotter. I can see why you've been in love with him all these years."

You smack her away from the window. "Stop spying on him, perv."

"What, like you haven't? I bet it was good masturbation material for when you started feeling things down there." She wiggles her brows.

"Ew! You're so gross," you laugh.

"Why don't you say hi to him? Or hang out? We start school next week. It'd be nice to wedge a little time with him before then. Or are you still insistent on hiding your new look?"

"I don't think I look particularly sexy at the moment. He's not going to exactly gasp in shock if he were to see me right now." It was true. You were wearing a sports sweatshirt with sweatpants, and your hair in a bun to keep it away from the face mask. "This thing feels weird, by the way. It's supposed to brighten skin?"

"Well, what's the deal then?" Yuna continues, ignoring your attempt to change the topic.

"I texted him the moment I got home if he wanted to hang out. He told me he was hanging out with Ryujin. It seems like the two of them have gotten pretty serious since we left for camp. I have no doubt they'll be spending the rest of the week together. Besides, what girlfriend likes the girl best friend?"

"The secure, non-toxic ones."

"Well, she'd be justified in this one. Considering the fact I'm in love with him."

"We don't know if you're still in love with him. A lot's changed back then. Some people get over crushes in a week."

"One that's lasted for years?"

"In which case, you would've gotten over him within months. Seems like a decent amount of time. You'll only know when you start interacting with him again." Yuna leans back to peak at Taehyung through the window. "Jesus, he's shirtless. Hand me a vibrator would you?"

"You're fucking lying bitch lemme see." You peak through the window to gaze into his room.

You see Taehyung laying on his bed, texting away. Shirtless. You didn't get a good look but he had definitely built up significantly since you last saw him. How had he gotten impossibly more handsome?

As though having a sixth sense, he looks out the window to lock eyes with you and Yuna. Your blood freezes and in a moment of panic, you close the curtains, ducking below the window sill with Yuna to hide. The two of you burst into a fit of giggles. You wonder if he saw you.

You get a chime on your phone.

From TaeTae <3:
i totally saw you btw

From TaeTae <3:
what's that thing on your face anyway

You burst into a fit of laughter as Yuna snatches your phone.

"I can't believe you still have a heart by his name. All I have is an eggplant."

-

First day of Senior year! Wooo! And, uh, you look around at all of these girls around you and think, why didn't I give them a chance?

Befriending Yuna and discovering new parts of yourself really opened your eyes to your previous outlook on life. You cringed remembering how judgemental you were.

It was also weird having the year start out so differently from the others. Every school day Taehyung would drive you to and from school. He had warned you in preparation, however, that he was going to start driving Ryujin to school. Thankfully Yuna was already prepared to save you from the awkwardness of sitting in the backseat, third-wheeling the couple, and chose to offer you a ride.

Yuna truly was an angel on Earth.

And so you came to school uncomfortable as ever, ever self-conscious as you overthought whether or not people were staring at you. Y/N? In a skirt? Unheard of!

And yet it was true. You were dressed in a pretty white blouse and a plaid skirt, with high tops and pins to show you were in with the latest trends. Your arm was hooked with Yuna's as she greeted others, her fashion choice of 70's bellbottoms and a butterfly t-shirt oddly complementing your outfit. She had picked yours out after all. You couldn't help but think that if this were happening a year prior you would've snarled at her.

"Ooh, I see Taehyung!" she exclaims, excited as she begins to drag you towards his locker.

"Wait, Yuna, I don't think I'm read-"

"Hi, Tae!"

Taehyung looks as handsome as always. Had his shoulders gotten broader since summer? Or was his jaw a little more square? Whatever it was, he had butterflies fluttering around in the pit of your stomach, and your mouth went dry at the sight of him.

Ryujin sealed the deal, her edgier outfit of combat boots and a black skirt contrasting the flowery nature of your outfit. All three of you girls were dressed feminine but in different ways.

"Long time no see, Ug..." Taehyung's words trail off as he finally scans your outfit, jaw dropping slightly at your transformation. You tried to recall the last time Taehyung had ever seen your bare legs in all their glory. "Y/N?"

"You look gorgeous Y/N! I love the new look!" Ryujin greets you with a tight hug, which you awkwardly accept.

"Oh, thank you... a lot's changed over the summer I guess," you say, a bit insecure about your look. People probably thought you looked stupid. You did look stupid. Who were you to think you could pull this off?

"It looks really good! Like seriously, you're super hot! Not that you weren't before but... wow!"

"I know right?" Yuna beams at you. "She looks like a goddess."

"Now you're just lying," you laugh.

"No, I'm serious! C'mon, look at you! It's like a total 180."

"You make it sound like before I never took a bath."

"To be fair you did play sports a lot."

You lightly smack her arm at that.

Taehyung's eyes haven't left you for a moment, still in utter shock. Maybe it was the first time he was seeing you as a girl. Maybe it was because in all the 10+ years he knew you, you had only looked a certain way. Maybe it was something else.

He coughs awkwardly, realizing all of you had gone silent. He adverts his gaze, scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah, you look... good. It's a nice change, it compliments you."

You feel your face go a bit red at that. You feel yourself get a bit more comfortable. It wasn't because you felt like you needed a guy's approval- it was because it was Taehyung. Taehyung who always pointed out when you looked stupid out of endearment, who never lied to you. That meant he meant it. "Oh. Thanks, I guess."

"We'll see you guys later, we've got to get to homeroom to pick up our schedules. See you later!" Yuna drags you away, giggling once you two are out of earshot. "Oh my god oh my god, he was totally checking you out!"

"No, he wasn't! He has a girlfriend!"

"You can window shop you just can't make a purchase!"

"I can't believe you!"

"Don't think I didn't notice how totally in love you still are."

"It's not going to go away in an instant, you know. Crushes are like an illness. I read it in Seventeen once."

"You'll just have to build up your immune system, then."

-

As it turns out, your new look stuck. You really started to like the lighter, more colorful colors. You even read online that it made you a bit happier, releasing endorphins or whatever. Plus dressing nice, though a lot of effort, made you a bit more productive.

Things were really changing.

And even Taehyung was questioning it.

Shortly after seeing your new look he asked you to hang out the first day he was free and wasn't already planning to spend time with Ryujin. You happily agreed, giddy to spend time with him like you used to, mind buzzing with curiosity.

The two of you went into a fast-food drive-in restaurant, drinking milkshakes and eating burgers when he finally questioned you on it.

"So... what sparked all of this?" he finally blurted out. "The skirts, the colors, the girliness... I thought you hated that stuff. Hell, I know you do, it was the staple of your personality for ten years."

You fidgeted with the necklace you were wearing that day, trying to think of how to answer. "I had a lot of time to kind of discover myself at camp, I guess."

"Does this have anything to do with that fight we had before you left?"

The fight. You were so excited for prospects of the future you didn't even think to look back on the past.

"Oh... that."

"Yeah, when you said we needed a break so you could figure yourself out." Taehyung's quiet for a moment. "Is this you without me?"

You're stunned by the question, unsure of how to answer. Was this what you were without Taehyung's influence? Without the baseballs and scraped knees? But you still liked those. You just also liked skirts and the colors pink and purple. Did you change that much just a few months away from him? You were still prideful and unsure. Surely you were still his best friend, deep down.

"I guess so," you mumble, giving a small shrug. "I just wanted to try something different I guess."

"You're not doing this for some guy, are you? You're perfect either way, Y/N. I hope you know that."

There the butterflies go again. But were you? Was this just another ploy to get Taehyung to notice you?

"I'm not," you say honestly. "I think I'm just finally allowing myself to do to something for me and not for someone else, honestly."

He frowned at you. "You were trying to appease someone else?"

"I don't think it's something I can talk about with you, Tae. At least not right now."

"Oh." He seems deflated at that, and it breaks your heart. "As long as you're doing this for you and not someone else. That's all that matters. I like you either way. Tomboy Y/N and pretty Y/N."

"You think I'm pretty?" You were so used to your friend greeting you as Ugly or as demeaning, joking names.

Taehyung's face went red. "I mean, yeah. I've always thought you were pretty. It's not cause of this new look you just look more... happy I guess. Or the bright colors. It suits you..."

Your face goes red too. "Thanks, Tae. It means a lot from you"

"N-No problem." He looks out of the window, away from you, taking a sip of his milkshake. There's a weird sort of tension in the air. "It felt weird not spending the summer with you."

"Yeah, same here. I missed you a lot," you admit. "It was difficult being away from my best friend for so long."

"Best friend? You sure that isn't Yuna now?" he asks playfully.

You give him a light shove, rolling your eyes as he chuckles. "Yuna's my best girl friend. You're my best friend, forever and always. You know that."

"I get insecure sometimes!" he whines.

"Yeah, right," you say, ruffling his hair. "I'm sure you didn't miss me at all. You should've texted me more!"

"I got busy! Look at the abs I got!"

"Put your shirt down, they probably look like the world's saddest stack of Hawaiian rolls!"

"Excuse you, woman!"

"Don't woman me! I might be wearing a dress but I'll still kick your ass!"

"Have mercy!"

-

Taehyung wasn't the only guy to notice your new look. You were getting a few more stares, though mainly out of wonder than actual perversion. However, it also seemed to spark attention you weren't expecting.

Attraction.

Kim Seokjin was undeniably one of the most attractive boys in your grade. Some thought he was more handsome than Taehyung, though you always showed a preference for the younger. Still, it shocked you when Seokjin, after a few posts on social media including your new style and branding, decides to start DMing you. First through Instagram, and then through Snapchat.

Before long he's starting to walk you to classes. He's offering you rides home. He's inviting you out.

Before you know it you've started a relationship.

Yuna encouraged it, of course. Claimed it was part of the healing process of getting over Taehyung.

When you told Taehyung about it he seemed indifferent, but nevertheless congratulated you on your newfound relationship.

Ryujin, whom you were on good terms with, seemed elated for you, excited for the prospect of double dates. Apparently, she saw some good date ideas for them on Pinterest. You weren't as excited about the idea.

You had complained to Yuna about it before.

"I don't feel nearly as much for him as I feel- I mean felt for Taehyung. I'm attracted to him, sure, but that's about it."

Yuna had simply shrugged. "Sometimes that's all you need. We're in high school- no one's saying you've got to get married to him. You don't have to date him if you don't want, of course. But one of the main purposes of dating is to find out what you do and don't like, in both yourself and in another. You should date for the experience, not the end goal. Maybe Seokjin would give you the experience you could never get with Taehyung."

And so you did. You agreed to be Seokjin's girlfriend. When you questioned why he found an interest in you, when the two of you had been classmates plenty of times years prior, he was honest.

"Before you were always on Taehyung's side. It was like a package deal. People usually only want to date one person, not two. You seem more independent now. It made me notice you, and just you."

Your relationship with him lasted longer than you expected. He was well aware it was your first relationship and took his time with you. He treated you well and didn't pressure you into sex. He really seemed to like you, too. You taught him how the rules and how to play baseball, and on occasion, he'd watch with your family. One time he took you out to the park and laid out a blanket for a picnic. It wasn't until he started getting fidgety with the ants around that the two of you decided to move it someplace else.

Seokjin was a great first boyfriend. He was the gentle first time. He was the type who would hold your hand to show you off. He was the type to turn up the radio in the car and tell you what parts of the song made him think of you. He was the type to constantly show you off on social media. There wouldn't go a full 24 hours when you weren't on his Snapchat story.

But all good things came to an end. With Seokjin things began to feel just superficial. The feelings, the posts, the showing off. It didn't feel in depth. He was a nice guy, sure, but there didn't seem to be much emotion in your relationship. The two of you never cried in front of each other. You never shared hopes or dreams or fears. You tried to talk to him about the deeper stuff, but he'd act like there wasn't much to him. Maybe he wanted to seem to you how he did to the outside world- perfect.

And so it ended. It ended on mutual terms, truthfully enough. You complained about your reasons and he complained about his. His complaint was saying you weren't as invested in the relationship as he was. True, he posted you far more times, sort of establishing you as a power couple, but you were more scarce. You preferred to post your outfits, liking the new combinations you were coming up with as Yuna continued to teach you what went with what.

You didn't really cry after the breakup. You texted Taehyung, and he was at your house within minutes, having your favorite flavor of ice cream.

"I've never been with a girl during a breakup, but this is what they always do in movies so we'll see how it goes. Let me squirt whipped cream in your mouth."

Taehyung was an excellent caretaker as it turned out. He didn't hesitate to spend time with you and help you through your first breakup, putting on a sad movie that he knew always had you cry.

"It's good to cry. You might not want to cry now- I know you, you're stubborn, but you should let out the emotions one way or another."

You sobbed and ate ice cream as Taehyung wrapped you tightly in a blanket.

"Why didn't you text Yuna instead?" Taehyung quietly asked as you began to drift off to sleep on his arm. You had no doubt it was falling asleep beneath you.

"I don't know. You felt like the person to talk to," you admit. "You're always first, I guess. I'll tell her in the morning."

Yuna had a different approach. She shit talked about Seokjin with you, letting you take out your pent up frustration.

"You should totally have a rebound! You're not a virgin anymore, go bone one out."

"I'm not doing that Yuna."

"C'mon! Now's the time to get kinky!"

"Shut the fuck up Yuna."

"Maybe you're so chill about it is because Seokjin was the rebound."

"My relationship with him was more than just a fluke to get over Taehyung," you huff. "Who I'm totally over, by the way."

"Sure, sure," Yuna said, grinned. "Whatever you say."

"We're just best friends!"

"You know when the word just is in front of it, you're in trouble."

"I'm gonna kill you."

You did move on. You no longer spoke to Seokjin, truth be told. Part of you actually seemed far more broken over the relationship than you suspected you would be. You were more invested than you let yourself admit. But you picked up the pieces and went about your day.

And one day you paid back the favor to Taehyung.

Ryujin had reportedly dumped him.

Your breakup with Seokjin had been like a slow, quiet death. It wasn't a passionate relationship, and it ended just the same. Taehyung's relationship with Ryujin ended the opposite. It built with tension like someone was piling rocks on top of it, applying more and more pressure until it just crumbled. No, not even that- it was an avalanche.

You don't think you loved Seokjin- not really. Not the way you loved Taehyung. Taehyung, though, he loved Ryujin. It always hurt you, but he really did. He was head over heels in love with her, and you really thought she felt the same.

Sure, they had their problems. There were lots of times where you'd look into Taehyung's bedroom window and see him on the phone with her, pacing back and forth, quiet mutterings and a stern voice. Towards the end of their relationship, it was yelling, though. He was screaming cursing, and you'd have to slam your window shut in an attempt to drown him out, feeling as though you were intruding seeing this side of their relationship.

Taehyung wasn't the type to talk about his personal life- even with you. You never pried, though. You knew hearing about his relationship would hurt you, and you didn't want to be nosy. What happened between them was between them, until the end.

Ryujin had cheated on him with one of his teammates.

That had to sting.

She hadn't even gathered the courage to tell him in person. He was on the phone with her, arguing, as usual, screaming at the top of his lungs since his parents were still working. They were hurling insults towards each other, and you're about to shut the window before everything suddenly went quiet. You couldn't even hear her shrill voice on the other end, which was how loud she usually was.

"What?" Taehyung said, in shock.

You weren't able to hear what she said.

"With who?"

You slowly look out of your window, seeing Taehyung. He was frozen, locked in place, staring off into the distance.

"Fucking bitch!"

He throws his phone as hard as he could against the wall. Seeing as he was one of the best pitchers on his team, you had no doubt he chucked it so hard to shatter it. What shocks you even more was when he curls into himself, sobbing, his body shaking as he wraps his arms around himself and buries his face in his knees.

You wait a few minutes, unsure of what to do. Should you leave him alone at this moment?

He may need someone.

You knock against your window and duck below the opening to talk to him. "Taehyung?"

He looks up, face red with either fury or embarrassment- or maybe a million other emotions you wouldn't be able to comprehend. He looks at you, though, still crying. He doesn't bother to shield himself from you, probably all too aware now what you had witnessed.

"Do you need me to come over? I could probably sneak some of my dad's booze. We can talk about things. Or not. Up to you."

Taehyung slowly nods, sniffling. "I'd like that."

And so you obediently get up and get a few of your dad's beers- not enough to get either of you blackout drunk, but enough to help him get tipsy or cool down a little bit. Hydrate him maybe. You have no chance to even think about your appearance, instead just pulling on mom jeans and a baseball jersey you usually lounge around the house in.

He lets you in, and the moment you two are in his room, he collapses into your arms. You set the beers down and hug him as tightly as you can. He stays there, wrapped around you like ivy, sobbing. Never in all of your years of being friends with Taehyung had you seen him this broken. In a way, it humanizes him to you.

You were here for him as a friend and just that. You were completely, 100%, over Kim Taehyung. You were here to support him and not take advantage of his sadness- you weren't that girl anymore. In the past, you would've thought this would point out how much better you are than Ryujin.

You were over Kim Taehyung. It was official.

Taehyung's filter is gone the moment alcohol passes his lips. He talked a lot about him and Ryujin, without you even asking. All of the small things. He always felt as though he wasn't good enough for her, and felt as though he were more invested in the relationship. She felt as though she was always competing with you, and despite telling him to cut you off, he refused, claiming it was impossible because not only were you best friends but also next-door neighbors. Apparently she began to have a newfound secret resentment towards you after the summer with Yuna, now seeing you as a threat, especially with the attention you were beginning to garner. Almost every time they got into an argument Ryujin would simply snap at him to go fuck his best friend. Before long they were bickering over nothing. Taehyung knew they were going to end, but not like this.

The teammate she slept with was one he had known for years but never had a real bond with. Taehyung suspected the reason she slept with the teammate wasn't because of any real attraction, but to hurt him. Every time he saw the teammate, he'd think of her. Every time he played a game, he'd think of her. She wanted to destroy one of the few things he truly did love.

Taehyung's words began to slur, having run out of tears, his voice dry despite the drinking.

"I shouldn't have kissed her that day," Taehyung says, "at your game."

You recall the day. "You're only saying that because you're mad at her. That was one of the happiest days of your life, though."

"No, it wasn't. It was the day you left me. Because I was stupid and stole your moment."

"I never left you, Tae. I never will, you know that. I just went off to summer camp," you chuckle.

"No, you left me. You changed."

"Because I started giving a shit about looking nice? I don't think that really changes who I am."

"No, I said that wrong. You didn't change. We changed. Because I fucked everything up."

"It was a year ago, Tae. I forgave you a long time ago."

"No. I fucked everything up. With Ryujin, kissing her at the game, neglecting you- I, fuck." He curses, muttering, burying his face into your shoulder, still weak. "Things used to be so simple. You're my best friend. You were. You are. You'll always be, right?"

"Of course, Tae."

"I miss how we used to be. Just me and you. No Ryujin, no Seokjin, hell, no Yuna. Just you, one of the guys."

You let out a sigh. "I'm not one of the guys, though, Tae. I haven't been for a long time. I'm still a girl. I just started to allow myself to acknowledge it."

"I know you're a girl! God, you think I'm not always aware of that? Even Ryujin was aware. It's why she was always bitching about you," Taehyung huffs.

"You never seemed to be aware of it. Except maybe when I started wearing skirts." You laugh a little. "I remember that first day- you couldn't stop staring at my legs."

"You look really good in a skirt."

"Now you're just acting like a horny teenager."

"We're not kids anymore. We're both adults- or we're supposed to be, at 18, especially since it's only the rest of our lives starting soon. After prom, after graduation, college just around the corner."

"True," you hum. "It always felt as though you saw me as a kid sister. And then as a kid brother. And before long it felt as though you just saw me as an extension of yourself, as like... a limb. Even Seokjin said so, you know. He only noticed me after I started seeming like an individual."

"Seokjin's an idiot."

"No, he's not. We may have broken up, but he had a point. I was co-dependent on you, to an unhealthy degree. I was like an extension of you- I went everywhere you went, I did everything you did, I liked everything you liked- hell, you're the reason I even wanted to get into softball. To impress you. It was like I was obsessed."

"Why, though?"

"You still don't know?" You look him in the eye, heart racing as though thought about if you were really going to admit this to him. "Taehyung, you were my everything. You were my first kiss, my first crush, my best friend. I was in love with you, for years."

Taehyung blinks in surprise, face blank. "What?"

"You couldn't have been clueless that entire time, Tae."

"Maybe I suspected, but I thought that was just how you were. How we were."

"Do you remember that day I went out with a bunch of makeup on my face? Back in middle school? And you said I looked like a circus?"

"Yeah?"

"I did it because I heard you had a crush on Yeji. I saw she wore makeup and wanted to be like her so you'd like me. It was a fail, obviously. All of my attempts were. I dressed and acted like a tomboy to make you notice me and be close to me, to be one of the guys because I thought it made me superior to the other girls and I wanted so badly to be like you. I thought if I acted like that you'd see you didn't want all of those 'girly girls' and want me instead."

"I... I didn't know that."

"Of course you didn't." You smile fondly at him, ruffling his hair. "My sweet, naive Taehyung."

"So why'd you stop? Acting so boyish, I mean."

"Honestly it had to do with the day you kissed Ryujin. I had already been thinking about going to camp, slowly realizing I wasn't really an individual from you and wanted to see what I was like without you. But that day, to have completed one of my biggest accomplishments yet and to see you completely focused on someone else... I just realized nothing I did would make you like me. Would make you notice me. No matter what you were never going to see me that way because I had dug myself in a hole trying to be the opposite of girls like Ryujin because I looked down on them. I thought eventually you would too, but I was wrong. And I realized that everything I did was pointless."

"And then?"

"And then I left and figured myself out. I figured out that I had been a bit misogynistic, automatically seeing feminine things as inferior. I realized I wasn't being a good friend to you, not really, doing everything in my power and manipulating the friendship in hopes of a relationship. I didn't think about what you wanted and was selfish with my own desires. And then I became what I am now. I'm still the same girl you know, who likes softball and getting dirty and all that, but I also like butterflies and miniskirts and a million other things I would've scoffed at." You thought for a moment. "I guess that's the long answer as to why we aren't the way we were anymore. I think it's for the better, though."

Taehyung stares at you for a moment and hugs you tightly, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You're surprised to have this reaction to your confession but hug him anyway.

"I'm sorry, I'm probably overwhelming you with this information. You're already going through enough- I shouldn't be shifting the focus. I-"

"I should've kissed you instead."

You freeze at that. "What?"

"At the game. It was your homerun and I should've kissed you instead. I regret it."

No. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. You were finally over Taehyung- at least, you thought so. You dated other guys. You were determined to think of him as no more than a friend. You thought you matured past this schoolgirl crush. Hell, you were an adult now! You thought you moved on.

But hearing those words, the words you waited so, so long for. It had your head spinning, swarms of treasured memories and suppressed feelings bubbling up to the surface.

"You're just saying that-"

"No, I'm not." He pulls back to look at you. "I liked you when we were in elementary school because you were the fastest girl in school. I didn't know how to cope with my crush so I just acted mean and you rolled with it, and I was so impressed. I called you ugly even though you're beautiful- you've always been beautiful, Y/N. When we went to Jimin's birthday party I was so nervous, because I didn't want some asshole taking your first kiss, and I was so glad it was me who got to finally kiss you. But you seemed so indifferent I gave up. When Seokjin started dating you I thought you were too good for him but I was also so happy you'd get a chance at love that I didn't care about whatever small bit of jealousy I may have had. And I always thought back to that day, of what would've happened if I had kissed you after your amazing home run. So I really, really mean it when I say I wish I had kissed you."

You can't believe it. In all the years you've known Taehyung, pined for him, you dreamt of this moment. And it was finally happening.

But did you still want it? Did you still want him?

Did he?

"You're just heartbroken, Taehyung. You don't mean it. You're dealing with the aftermath of Ryujin's betrayal and trying to throw your feelings onto me in hopes I can make you feel better. But you're still in love with Ryujin, Taehyung. You and I both know that."

Taehyung's quiet at that. "Maybe."

"No, you are. And that's ok. Feelings don't disappear overnight."

"Did yours? You always say you loved me, not that you love me."

"I do still love you. I think... I think back then it was infatuation, though."

"Do you love me? Now? In that way?"

"You mean the way you love Ryujin?"

Taehyung stays quiet, flinching still even at her name.

"I didn't love Seokjin- definitely not the way I felt with you. What I feel with you... is a lot. It's so many things it's impossible to put into words. I'll always love you, as a best friend, and maybe more... But it doesn't matter, Taehyung. You're not ready for how I feel, at least not now."

"And what if one day I am?" he questions. "What happens when I'm ready? Will you still be waiting?"

"I don't know. I can't promise that- no one can. Our timing's always been a bit off, hasn't it?" You smile bitterly. "If you decide that it's finally your turn to do the chasing, and I figure out my feelings alongside you... Well, I don't know. I won't make promises and I don't want to give us hope if there isn't any."

"Ok. You'll still stay by me, though? Even as a friend?"

"Always."

-

You're beyond surprised when you wake up the next morning and life simply goes on.

You always thought the moment your best friend finally liked you back everything would change. But no. You woke up at the foot of his bed, his head resting on your shoulder as he snored peacefully, having run out of tears hours prior.

The rays still shone, the world still turned, and you two were still best friends.

And maybe more.

You and Taehyung didn't talk about it afterward. It wasn't as though it didn't happen, though. There was an underlying tension with every movement. With every brush of his fingers against yours, with every laugh. Every time he looked at you for simply a moment too long you were reminded of what the two of you talked about.

He liked you. Or possibly did.

But he was getting over Ryujin.

But you've waited for so long.

But you're not even sure if you're really in love with him or simply projected your infatuation.

So many complications and overthinking came along with his smiles. You felt as though you were in elementary school again. Your heart would thump a little too loudly or race a tad bit quicker. You were scared you were going to revert, but surprisingly you didn't.

Taehyung was clearly as affected, thinking back to that day. You would see him analyzing and studying you, or simply looking at you with a soft smile, whether you were in sweats or a skirt.

You'd complain to Yuna a bit about it. The two of you had gone out to the local cafe, a decaf for her (disgusting) and a peppermint mocha for you (delicious).

"It's so frustrating!" you whined. "I catch myself and I think- I'm so totally not over this boy, and then another moment I'm like, no, that wasn't love, it was infatuation. I've totally grown past that."

"If you're still stressing over it, clearly you're not over it," Yuna points out. "You've got it bad, girl. You weren't like this for Seokjin."

"I couldn't love Seokjin when I was infatuated with someone else."

"In love," Yuna corrected.

"We have yet to determine that."

"Well, you know Taehyung better than anyone else. You know the real him, the good the bad and the ugly. Infatuation is typically all about how they make you feel, about the good sides of them without acknowledging the bad."

"And what about him? I mean, he got out of a very intense relationship with Ryujin. On pretty bad terms."

"What about her? They're over."

"He was in love with her. I don't want to be some rebound- for him to just throw his feelings onto because he can't cope with the breakup. It would ruin our friendship completely. Besides, any guy who moves on so quickly from one girlfriend to hop onto another is not to be trusted. I know I'd feel hurt if the person I was with just jumped to another relationship so quickly after we ended, as though we meant nothing."

"Fair point, fair point, except for the fact- oh, I don't know- that it's been like, a month?"

"That's not that long."

"Ten years is though. Even infatuation can't last that long."

"I'm totally screwed, aren't I?"

"If you give him a chance you will be eventually. I wouldn't know but I'm sure he's packing some shmeat," Yuna laughs. "Want to see what my cat did this morning?"

"...Yes."

-

Taehyung surprises you with a proposal towards the end of the school year.

It was simple. It was cute. It was what you and Taehyung.

You had been studying for an upcoming quiz when you got a text from Taehyung telling you to look outside your window.

"I swear to God, Tae, if this is just you trying to show me what weird hentai you found again I'm closing my curtains for good!"

You oblige, however, only to see stick notes completely covering his window. It was covered completely in yellow save for a few pink ones that spelled out, 'PROM?'

You couldn't help but smile and laugh. "What is this?"

He lifts up the window, beaming. "What? Can't a best friend ask their other best friend to go to prom with them?"

"Pretty lame way to ask, if you ask me. I would've expected flowers."

"You always hated flowers."

"There's a lot of things I don't hate anymore."

"Oh that's right, it's sunflowers you hate. But you have a fetish for magnolias," he recalls. "Never the less! There is more to this promposal. I'm so sorry to have worried you, Your Highness."

"Then, by all means, continue, good sir."

It's at that moment he pulls out his beloved saxophone, wiggling his brows.

"Dear God-"

"I'm not stopping until you say yes." With that, he quickly begins playing the meme-worthy sexy saxophone song that seemed to play during the worst seduction scenes. You laugh so hard you begin to cry, finding the situation absolutely preposterous.

"Yes! Yes, I'll go to prom with you, you huge idiot." You're barely able to wheeze the sentence out. "For the love of God, though, have mercy."

"Thank God, I think I was starting to get light-headed," he admits.

"When'd you even have time to practice that?"

"In my garage when I know you're taking your daily nap."

"You're such a dork."

"You love this dork, though."

All you do is smile because, at that moment, you knew he was completely right.

-

Both of your parents are completely thrilled with this, taking various photos of you.

"Oh, they look so cute, don't they?" your mother gushes.

"I always had a feeling they'd get together eventually. Remember how we'd plan the wedding?" his mother replies.

"Oh! With the yellow and the-"

"Let's not go so far! They're going to prom, not to the alter," your father chuckles. 

"And you said it'd be after college," his father laughs. "You owe me fifty!"

"Guys! Can we go? The event's going to start any minute," you say. "I'd hate to miss out on Senior prom due to our parents."

"Oh of course dear. Be safe! And don't drink the punch!"

"You only say that because it was you who spiked it our prom."

"Exactly."

The prom wasn't all that to be fair. Beautiful dresses and loud music, and some mediocre food. You greeted the people you knew and hugged Yuna especially, gushing over the dress you helped her pick out. She looked beautiful as always. On one occasion you saw Ryujin though, with Tae's teammate, and you make sure to steer clear. Taehyung doesn't seem to notice, though, still gripping onto your hand tightly as you two greet your friends. You were happy though with it. Despite how the trap music rattled your bones you were so pumped up with adrenaline you were ready to burst.

"I'm going to get us a few drinks before anyone spikes the punch, and then we can dance, ok?" Taehyung says.

"Of course you're gonna make sure we're hydrated."

"Bitch, who's got the better skin? That's what I thought. Wait here, and I'll be right back."

You obediently wait as he disappears to get refreshments. It doesn't take long for a certain someone to find you.

"Long time no see."

"Oh, Seokjin! Nice to see you. You look handsome as always," you greet, giving him an awkward hug. "Who're you here with?"

"Chaeryong. We've been dating for a while now."

"I think I heard about that. You two look good together."

"Thank you. As do you and Taehyung," Seokjin comments.

"Oh, we're just here as friends."

"Really? It didn't seem like it," he says. "You don't have to lie to make me feel better. The past is past. I always had a feeling you and Taehyung would end up together. I think everyone did at some point. It's not hard to see."

You're unable to respond, as soon enough Taehyung's by your side.

"Mind if I steal my date?" he questions.

"Be my guest. You two have fun." And with that, Seokjin disappears.

"What did he want?" Taehyung questioned, passing you your drink.

"Nothing. He just said we look good together," you say, taking a sip.

"Damn right we do. I even got a matching tie to your dress and everything."

The two of you spend the rest of the night dancing until your hair was oily and you were covered in sweat. Neither of you cared though, gorging yourself on the food that was provided and drinking until you finally tasted alcohol. It was a great night, all in all. It wasn't like the movies, where you're crowned the prom queen or have some big revelation. Hell, during the slow dance the two of you could only snicker as you point out who was grabbing whose ass.

And then it's over as soon as it started. You've got that post-party glow of a quickly beating heart and the feeling of both satisfaction and longing for the night that had transpired. It hits you like a wave when you and Taehyung finally roll in front of your house.

"Do you want me to walk you to the door?" he questions.

"We live right next to each other."

"Yeah, but I still believe in being a gentleman. Scratch that- a good person. I don't want you getting kidnapped on your way to the door."

You roll your eyes and the two of you step up to the door. "I'm so safe, I don't know what I would've done all alone during those twenty feet."

"I bet. Do you want to go to the batting cages tomorrow by the way? I meant to ask, but I got distracted in the moment."

"Sure, if I'm not too beat. I swear, these things are weapons," you say, swinging the heels in your hand. "I had a great night, though, Tae. You made it special. I couldn't have asked for a better date."

"Neither could I," he smiled. It's silent for a moment, save for the sound of crickets chirping in the darkness, or the flies buzzing around the light above your porch. He looks as though he wants to say something, but doesn't. "So... I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah... Sure." He starts to walk back to the car. You open your door, ready to head in. You're halfway in when you just get a sudden impulse, turning around. "Tae?"

"Yeah?" He turns around quickly, as though just waiting for you to call out for him.

You run towards him at that moment, grabbing his face in your hands and kissing him. He kisses you back, pulling you in closer, his arms wrapped around you. It feels right. It doesn't feel like the awkward first kiss you had. It doesn't feel like the chaste ones you'd share with Seokjin. But it feels like something that was worth waiting for.

You slowly pull apart, staring at each other for a moment, processing it.

"Was that ok?" you question softly.

"More than ok," he responds. "I was waiting for you to do that."

"Try waiting ten years," you chuckle.

"Six," he corrects. "Jimin's birthday party, remember?"

"How could I forget," you say, shaking your head. You kiss him again, trying to remember the feeling of his lips against yours, trying to make sure it's real. "Do you still want me, Taehyung?"

"Yeah. I do," he says. "Do you?"

"I never stopped," you confessed quietly.

The two of you are quiet for another moment, letting the moment sink in.

You two like each other.

"So what now?" you ask.

"I guess we'll sleep on it. It's been a long night. We can take things one step at a time, ok? Take it slow."

"God, we're moving at the pace of a snail I feel."

"Patience, beautiful," he smiles, giving you one last kiss. "I promise I'll make it worth the wait."

-

Dating Taehyung was sweet. It was passionate. It was him running up to you in the hallway to give you a big hug just because he felt like it. It was buying those blow-pops he liked so much just to surprise him in the morning before school. It was paper airplanes flying into your window as you tried to study, with stupid things such as You look so cute right now to Your ass looks so sexy in that batman underwear.

The last moments of your high school career were ending on the highest notes, where even as your graduation cap reached the highest it could go, Taehyung had pressed a kiss against your lips, only to break free once the caps proceeded to pelt you.

You wondered if it was going to stay like this. Were you guys just in the honeymoon phase, or was it because the journey of high school was over, and the adventure of college was set to begin? The months spent between the two would be with Taehyung, and though you were both going to the same college, you wondered if things would change.

You hoped they didn't. But hey, everything had changed between you and Taehyung, at least 20 times in the course of your friendship with him. At this point, you two could survive anything.

You wanted to preserve one last memory of this time period with him, the last moments of high school Taehyung before you two entered college. Before you two entered the next stage of your relationship.

"Why haven't we had sex yet?"

The question had Taehyung choking on the cherry limeade he got from the drive-in. It was the dead of night, and Taehyung, the insomniac he was, insisted that you two get drinks before the clock struck midnight and sit on your roof.

"I don't know, I can't say I haven't thought about it..."

"I know that. I've heard you jack off before."

"What?!"

"I'm your best-friend-now-girlfriend, Taehyung. At this point, we should be too close to be in a relationship." You smirk, nudging him with your shoulder. "Luckily though, we're not."

"I guess I just didn't want to pressure you or anything. Things are going good between us without sex."

"They are," you admit, "but I think I want to take our relationship to the next level. We're adults anyway- have been before we even started dating. Being the horny teens we are, shouldn't we be jumping each other's bones by now?"

"I want to, most definitely."

"Good to know you're at least sexually attracted to me," you laugh. "I know you and Ryujin have done it though. Wait, sorry, is it ok for me to bring her up? Especially when we're talking about this?"

"Sure, but I'm not going to go into detail about it. That would just seem like an invasion of privacy on her part," he says. "I'm not a virgin, though. But... have you and Seokjin?"

"Yeah," you shrug. "Sorry I didn't tell you before."

Taehyung whistled. "It's cool- but to be honest I didn't expect it. Seokjin just seemed too... proper?"

You shrug again. "Yeah, you'd think so. But he was a horny teenager like the rest of us. And after years of sexual frustration regarding you, I had to let it out on someone."

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "So sorry to put that burden on you."

"You should be," you say, flicking his forehead.

"So did you?"

"What?"

"Cum?"

"Now look who wants to go into detail! How vulgar." You think about it. "Yeah, I did. It wasn't like mind-blowing or anything, I could accomplish the same thing with the vibrator Yuna got me. Seokjin wasn't into anything wild, but the sex was good. Vanilla, but good."

"You don't like vanilla then?"

"I'm not into anything wild- I've never tried anything like that out before. And no offense, Tae, but I don't think I want our first time to be with me tied up."

"Who said you'd be the one tied up?"

"Touche. I don't know, Seokjin was always just... very gentle. Do you remember how we used to wrestle when we were little? Not like slamming each other into the ground like MMA fighters but that sort of play fighting?"

"Yeah?"

"That's closer to what I wanted."

"So you're into manhandling."

"I guess. I like it when a guy is assertive with what he wants. That's what I liked about Seokjin. It was no bullshit, he was upfront with me in the beginning. I just wish he pinned me down a little more."

"You're saying you want me to pin you down?"

"Not on the roof, pervert! Roll-off of me. I swear we're going to fall two stories if you keep up with that," you laugh, lightly shoving him away from you. "What about you? Anything you liked?"

"Oh you know, being called master, having a sex slave-"

"Be fucking serious for once."

"Ok ok, I guess if we're being serious about what I'd like us to do..." Taehyung thought about it for a moment. "I... This is embarrassing."

"What? Tell me."

"You're going to think I'm weird."

"I already think you're weird."

"Good point." He looks down, his bangs covering his face. "I'vegotathingforhickies."

"Good luck trying to mumble, I've basically learned how to read your thoughts at this point," you chuckle. "So, hickies, huh? That's not wild, though."

"Yeah, but Ryujin didn't like them because they'd always show up with her revealing clothing, not that I complained about that part, and she kind of sucked at giving them. I always thought it was kind of hot, though."

"Because it's like marking someone and showing off that they're yours or that you had sex or that sort of stuff?" you question. "Are you into like, claiming your territory? Or do you just like seeing a girl marked up and knowing you did that?"

"Fuck, shut up, you'll give me a semi."

You laugh at that, "Whatever. I'd blow you but we're on the roof, and knowing you you'd definitely fall off. Besides, you may be into marking your territory, but I wouldn't want some random passenger seeing what's mine."

"Shut up," he hissed, pulling you in by the back of your neck to kiss you.

You hum, kissing him back, smirking. "I'm better at this dirty talk then I thought. I already have you riled up."

"If you don't shut up and kiss me again you'll actually have to blow me on the roof. Can't talk with your mouth full."

"Sure thing, Master."

-

"Why does this kind of feel like one of those best friend challenges where you see each other naked for the first time to be closer?"

"I'm literally hard because I can see your boobs I think that oversteps a best friend challenge."

"Wow, so romantic," you chuckle, eyeing Taehyung's naked form. Both of your parents were out on a double date, leaving you and Taehyung to finally do the dirty in his bedroom. Taehyung looked good naked. You've seen him shirtless countless times, and no matter how many times you'd tell him he was lying about his dick size, he was right to boast about it.

Taehyung kisses you tentatively, as though you're fragile. You try not to think about it, but it does sort of remind you of Seokjin. As though reading your thoughts, however, Taehyung begins to snake his tongue into your mouth, hands searching for yours before capturing your wrists. He pins you forcefully to the mattress, your back bouncing with the springs as he straddles your thighs, leaving you immobile beneath him.  You can't move your hands, which are pinned to the sides of your face, and you feel your face heat up with excitement.

Taehyung begins to kiss down your neck, voice breathy. "Didn't want it gentle... did you?"

"Fuck," you say, arching your back to display your chest as an offering, craning your neck as though to expose the blank canvas. "Mark me."

Taehyung's eyes seem to darken at that, and he wastes no time, sucking harshly at whatever skin was offered to him. Purple and pink bruises began to form along your neck and chest. "You're so fucking perfect," he mutters into your skin. "Perfect and mine."

You squirm beneath him. "Taehyung, don't you want me to mark you too?"

"Another time, I feel like I'm going to burst." He finally pulls back to admire his work. "Fuck, you look so good. I want to take a picture and make this my home screen."

"No way. What if someone looks through your phone and sees that?"

"They'd see what a sexy ass girlfriend I have," Taehyung grins. "I'd probably jack off to it nightly."

"Why would you need to masturbate when you have a girlfriend to have sex with?"

"We aren't having sex yet."

"Well fucking stick it in then!"

"I gotta make sure you're wet, baby," Taehyung huffs, finally letting go of your wrists and getting off of you to pry your legs apart. You feel your face go red, so vulnerable to him as he sees the most intimate parts of you. He smirks, as though able to see how turned on you were. "You like this, huh? When I manhandle you?"

"S-Shut up and go down on me," you say, looking away.

"Never took you for a top, Y/N," Taehyung chuckles as he begins to descend.

"I don't think that applies to h-hets- fuck, that's nice."

Taehyung begins to envelop your heat with his mouth, tonguing through the folds as he lathers up your juices on his tongue. He groans at the taste, sending vibrations throughout that have your toes curl. He lets his tongue move against your clit, stimulating it with small sucks and licks.

You feel his fingers enter the picture, rubbing at your folds to collect lubrication before a single-digit slides in, curling. Taehyung's fingers are a lot longer than yours, so he misses the g-spot.

"A little lower, yeah, there, perfect. Now curl- oh my God."

Taehyung follows your instructions, curling his finger to press against the rough patch just as you directed him to. You moan a bit more with the stimulus of both his tongue and finger affected the bundle of nerves, and before long a second finger joins the picture, curling into your sweet spot.

"You're so good, Tae, so f-fucking good," you moan. "P-please let me cum."

Taehyung takes that as encouragement, now working with a newfound determination. It isn't long before you feel your orgasm coming over you, and before you can even warn Taehyung your thighs were clamping around his head and you had to bite down on your fist to keep from screaming.

Taehyung pulled back after you calmed down, a cocky grin on his face. "You came the first time I ate you out- damn I'm good."

"S-Shut up," you say. "Fuck, I came hard. That was intense."

"I know. Your thighs make excellent ear muffs."

"Just fuck me already."

"Sure you can handle it? You seem a little worn out already."

"'M fine, just want you to cum too." You spread your legs again. "Get the condom."

"Shit." Taehyung quickly gets up to look through the pants he had discarded on the floor, retrieving one from his wallet. "You know, I got the strawberry flavored one because I know you like that flavor."

"How sweet. I don't plan on blowing you with a condom on, though."

"No, I don't mean that. I just heard from some girls that they don't like blowing their boyfriends after they take the condom off because it tastes gross and like rubber."

"What girls have you been talking to about this?"

"More like soccer moms ranting on their food blogs, but hey, the things you find out when you're trying to make pollo y arroz," Taehyung grins, tearing open the package and rolling the condom onto his length. The head prods your entrance, but he doesn't put it in yet. "Let me know if you need me to slow down, ok? Or anything at all. I'll even let you slap me if you want."

"I'm not slapping you, Tae. Just go slow."

He does so, slowly going inch by inch. You hiss a little, as it had been a while since you had sex, and Taehyung does the same.

"Fuck, you're so tight. I should've fingered you more. Added another finger or something."

"N-No, you're good, just keep going," you encourage. "Fuck me."

Taehyung pulls out slowly before thrusting back in and repeats the motion before going at a moderate pace. It feels good, and your eyes screw shut in concentration.

You were fucking Taehyung. Kim fucking Taehyung. The boy you mooned over all these years, your long time best friend and short-time boyfriend was inside you and fucking you. It felt surreal.

"You feel so good, Taehyung. So fucking good," you say, wrapping your legs around him as he begins to go faster. "Fucking hell. I already came but you're m-making me-"

"I've got you, baby," he says, grabbing some of your hair and pulling it so you'd expose your neck to him. He leaves wet kisses wherever he pleased, mumbling into your skin. "Just lay back and take it, ok? Let me take care of you."

You whimper at that, tightening your legs around him to drive him impossibly deeper into you. "I think I'm gonna cum."

"Gonna cum for me baby?" he pants. His fist tightens in your hair, and he straightens up, hand sliding down to toy with your clit. "Gonna cum a second time for me? Who else can make you like this?"

"You," you moan out. "You, Taehuyng."

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"Oh my God, I don't know what's bigger, your dick or your ego."

"My dick's pretty huge, as you can tell by now."

"I s-swear if you make me cum to your bullshit, you annoying ass-"

"You're still close though, aren't you? Because of this annoying ass?" Taehyung smirks.

"Y-Yes."

"Go ahead then. Cum."

You feel the band snap, the knot bursting in the pit of your stomach as you cum. You're left a shaking, sweaty mess, and it's all because of your stupid, wonderful best friend who made old people jokes in bed.

"I f-fucking hate you," you groan.

"Still made you cum twice, though," Taehyung grins. "My dick game is just too strong."

"Take off the stupid condom so I can blow you and go to bed."

Taehyung doesn't need much more coercion. He laid down on the bed as you settled between his thighs. He gets the condom off as soon as he can, and without further ado, you put your mouth on him. You envelop the head into your mouth and begin to bob your head, pumping whatever your throat couldn't reach with your mouth. True enough, eh definitely tasted better than the usual rubber of the condom, and the sweet taste of strawberry made you eager for more.

Taehyung was a breathtaking sight, you had to admit. He looked at you with suck adoration in his eyes, his hand buried into your locks as it followed the rhythm and flow of your bobbing head. And whenever his eyes would roll back or he'd mutter a cuss word under his breath, you knew he was putty in your hands.

"Fuck, fuck, I'm gonna come."

Before you knew it he was spilling down your throat, hips bucking up into the heat of your mouth as his thighs trembled beneath you. You swallowed all of it down dutifully until every drop was cleaned up.

"Come here," Taehyung says, breathless. You obey, climbing up the bed to his level as he kisses you, wrapping you in his embrace.

"I taste gross," you chuckle.

"Shut up, my cum doesn't taste gross. You taste like strawberries too."

"I was skeptical, but it turned out to be a good investment."

"God, I love you," he says. "And like, really love you. I know it's totally cliche and cheesy to say after sex but I am so fucking in love with you, Y/N."

“You’re only saying that because I swallowed your load,” you chuckle, nuzzling closer into his warm arms. "I am so fucking in love with you too, Taehyung."

"By the way, I forgot to mention to you but that pink lingerie was really cute." 

"You barely paid attention to it! And I paid like, fifty bucks on it."

"Sorry if I wanted to see my girlfriend naked!"