Work Text:
Sometimes, Catra just wakes up.
That feeling of falling suddenly seizes her body and her eyes fly open. She gasps, small but sharp, and feels the rush of her heartbeat as her mind catches up with her.
There was no dream to pull away from, no nightmare that sent her running out of her consciousness, or anything like that. No, she just was pulled awake. She’s okay.
Her eyes adjust quickly; the tent is as dark and stuffy as it was when they went to bed. Melog is asleep, purring on the floor next to the cot. His mane flutters at a gentle blue and he snores a little. She smiles, soft and small, as her heart starts to calm down.
She’s okay.
There’s a small shift from behind her and Catra feels her cheeks get warm. Her smile grows as her fingers twitch and, sure enough, she feels her hand on Adora’s arm. The same arm that is, in fact, wrapped tightly around Catra’s middle. She’s warm and strong as she pulls Catra to her. She is secure and comforting and Catra–
Catra feels safe.
She feels Adora’s nose pressed into her hair and her breath on the back of her neck. They both fell asleep in their clothes– a skill they picked up from the Fright Zone where the idea was to always be ready, that attacks can happen at any minute, that you need to put on your shoes and go. It’s a habit built from a type of worry that left horde kids on a constant edge, putting bags deep under their eyes.
It isn’t that now, though. Now, it’s just because they were tired– exhausted to their bones, laughing and smiling and falling onto the small cot in their tent.
Once the rebellion had fully realized it was all truly over, that the war had been won, the resulting party didn’t die down for hours. There was yelling and singing and food (so, so much food). People kept fluctuating in, word spreading that they were actually free, and that just meant more people to cheer and celebrate with.
Catra didn’t know parties could be like that, so rowdy and intense. It was nerve wracking at times, the way the crowd moved and the volume that everyone was at. She knew there was still so much to do, that she had a thousand apologies to give because people would still recognize her as a Horde soldier and Horde soldiers would still recognize her as cruel.
But it was hard to hold onto that fear. Adora kept Catra by the hand and would pull her into small corners when no one was looking. She would kiss her quick and say, “It’s really over,” until someone would come to find them and drag them back. It was hard to think of her own anxiety when something so much lighter was living in her heart.
There’s a shift from behind her, a small movement, and the sound of Adora inhaling.
“Catra?” she says, her voice muddled with sleep. Adora nuzzles her nose deeper into Catra’s hair and pulls her in closer. Her words slur together, then get lost in a yawn, but she can hear her try to say, “You wake up? Everything okay?”
And, wow. Catra loves her so much.
“Yeah, yeah.” She rubs her hand along Adora’s arm and gets a content sigh in response. “I’m okay,” she says, voice a whisper as tears collect in her eyes. “Go back to sleep.”
Adora hums and Catra can feel her smile. “Okay.” Her lips press against the back of Catra’s head, a small kiss. “I love you.”
It takes a minute– and Adora could very well be back asleep before Catra can get control over her voice– but she makes sure to whisper, “I love you, too,” before she finally lets herself fall asleep.
**
Sometimes, Catra can’t even sleep at all.
She huffs out a small breath, opening her eyes to look up at the ceiling that’s far above their heads. The whole room is covered in pinks and purples and yellows and Catra cannot believe this is actually Adora’s room. Even with it being raided by Prime’s army and some rogue looters, it’s still so… fancy . Waterfalls and curtains and crystals– it’s a lot to look at. Plus, it’s huge; as big as the room a dozen of them slept in at the Fright Zone. Catra doesn’t even know what Adora does with all this extra space. She feels wholly out of place in such luxury.
But she’ll adjust. Adora wants her here and so she’ll adapt to her new surroundings.
It’s been two weeks since everything ended with Prime. They managed to get Bright Moon squared away and moved back into, but there’s still a lot of things that need to be done. Houses need to be rebuilt, communities put back together, plans to be made. Adora’s been busy, running around to different villages, helping people find their families, turning into She-Ra just to move things out of the way. She’s happy to be helping, but she comes back to Catra exhausted, nearly falling asleep on her feet. It makes Catra’s tail twitch.
Catra’s been busy, but not like Adora. She goes along with Scorpia and Perfuma to lend help and check in with lost Horde soldiers. It’s been rough– really rough, but Catra is pushing through it. People listen to her apologize and Perfuma helps put words to Catra’s jumbled feelings when she suddenly can’t speak. She likes the flower girl, she’s not gonna lie.
It’s overwhelming at times. It’s a lot and things keep pulling on Catra’s mind and now she’s stuck lying on her back, staring at a ceiling in a room she didn’t know existed until two weeks ago, trying to calm the jitters in her muscles.
Adora yawns suddenly and Catra startles, shaking her thoughts and gaze away from the ceiling to look beside her. Adora’s curled up on her side, her head resting on Catra’s shoulder, her arm lazily wrapped around her waist.
“Hey,” she says with a scratchy voice. She clears her throat before she continues. “What’s up? You okay?” Her eyelids are drooping, but she’s smiling softly and Catra can feel Adora’s hand flatten on her stomach.
She purrs a bit, which just makes Adora smile more.
“I’m okay,” she says, keeping her voice low so Melog won’t wake up. She turns slightly, moving to face Adora better. Adora moves her hand to Catra’s waist, her warm palm sending a shiver through her body. “Can’t sleep,” she says, trying her best at being honest.
Adora frowns slightly, bringing her hand up to cup Catra’s jaw. She smooths her thumb over Catra’s cheekbone and, yeah, okay. That does feel nice. Her eyes drift closed and she maybe purrs some more.
“What is it?” Adora says.
Catra slowly opens her eyes to see the concern resting in Adora’s features. She’s got that small crease in her brown, her jaw set like she’s sitting on the line between talking and listening, her breathing even but shallow. Catra knows Adora’s concern like she knows everything else about her: almost in its entirety, just relearning. Memorizing every quirk she has all over again.
She brings her hand up to Adora’s wrist, to feel her pulse. She counts out its beats.
Her breath is shaky, but she lets it out, braces herself for her own honesty.
“I just think it all finally hit me today,” she says. It’s hard to admit, scary even, but she looks at Adora and tells her anyways, keep her heart open for her. “All of it. Prime, the chip, the heart, Sh–” She crushes her eyes closed, so tired of crying but not trying to stop it. She feels her body begin to tremble, but Adora’s hand on her face reminds her that she’s here. She takes a deep breath before she can finally say, “Shadow Weaver.”
Adora’s hand goes still, briefly, before it holds onto Catra more firmly. She doesn’t talk, just gives Catra a minute, lets her figure out her own thoughts.
“I’m just–”
Catra hates this feeling, the dark part that is building up in her chest. She reaches out to pull Adora in, burying her face in the crook of her neck, hearing her breathing and clutching the back of her shirt.
“I know she sacrificed herself for us and I know she died protecting us and I know people change, I know. But–”
Adora holds her tight. She cradles the back of her head, threading her calloused fingers through Catra’s short locks. Her body also shakes, but she is trying to keep her breathing steady, to help Catra time it out with her own.
“Every time I remember her saying ‘you’re welcome’ I get–” Catra shudders in a breath, holds onto Adora, prays she’ll understand. “I get so mad .”
And, blessedly, Adora holds her tighter. “Oh, Catra.”
“I don’t want to be angry!” And she’s crying, sobbing into Adora’s shoulder like she has a thousand times before. “I don’t. B-but, Adora, she was so horrible. She hated me so much and used me and hurt me and treated me like garbage. She was talking down to me until right before the end, and her last words to me were ‘ you’re welcome’ ? I hate remembering it. It makes me so angry.” She feels her tears soak through Adora’s t-shirt. “I want to let go of that feeling, I do, because I know she died and because of that you got to live, but. I can’t. I can’t let it go. I hate her, Adora. I hate her so much.”
Catra can feel snot running out of her nose. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are dried from the salt of her own tears. Her fingers hurt from how hard she’s clutching onto Adora and she’s still shaking. She’s a mess, inside and out.
But Adora doesn’t let her go.
“Catra,” she says, a whisper. “I’m angry, too.”
She stills this time, her eyes blinking against Adora’s shoulder. “You are?”
“Yeah,” and there’s a wave to Adora’s voice, a small tremble that Catra can feel more than hear. “She always knew that we were stronger together, so she spent our entire lives keeping us apart. Until the very end she tried to keep you away from me, to convince me that that was how it needed to be.”
Adora moves back, still keeping one hand in Catra’s hair and the other around her middle, pulling back just far enough so that Catra can look her in the eyes again. The concern is gone, replaced with that same type of insecurity Catra had felt.
“She was horrible and mean and then said ‘you’re welcome.’ When I think about it, I just want to scream. Sometimes I get so angry it’s all I can feel, like for a moment it consumes my entire body.”
Catra stares at her, eyes wide, her face a few inches from Adora’s own. The relief her body feels is instant and overwhelming. She knew Adora wouldn’t just toss her aside, that their love is stronger than the things they need to work on as people. The worry instead was Adora being disappointed with Catra, sad that through it all Catra could still harbor a hatred so intense.
But Adora gets it. Of course she does. Of course she understands.
Her hand goes back to hold Catra’s face, her thumb wiping at the tears still clinging to her skin. Catra’s tail moves to lay over Adora’s waist and curl on her lower back, to keep her close. For a minute, they both just lay there, holding each other.
“What are we gonna do?” Catra asks.
Adora breathes in, her eyes watching Catra. Thoughtful, caring, considering herself before she speaks. “It’s okay that we’re mad,” she says. “I don’t think that’s wrong or a bad thing. It’s not something we can just let go of. She may have saved us, but Shadow Weaver also really hurt us. There’s no easy way to forget all of that. But, Catra,” and she pauses to smile, small and loving and just for Catra. She leans her forehead on to Catra’s and sighs, relieved. “She didn’t win. We did. We’re together now and we’re safe and we’re happy. I love you, Catra, and I know that’s a good thing. She can’t take that from us anymore. We have to remember that.”
A warmth blooms in Catra’s chest. It grabs onto her and flows through her whole body, making her muscles relax and her hands stop shaking. Adora loves her. She loves her and no one can take that from Catra, not anymore. She gets to live the rest of her life knowing that.
“Okay,” she says. She leans in and kisses her. “I love you, too, Adora.”
Adora gets to know that her whole life, too. Catra will make sure of it.
**
Sometimes, Catra has nightmares.
Prime’s hands are cold, clutching onto her shoulders, brushing back her long hair. The room smells of sickly chemicals, of machinery gone wrong. She doesn’t know what’s coming, what happens next. She keeps telling him, “She won’t come for me, she won’t come for me,” but her heart begs her to be wrong. Fear overwhelms her and she just wants Adora to come– but she can’t. She has to stay away. Adora has to be safe and so Catra doesn’t want her to come get her. She has to find a way out. She has to keep Adora safe.
There’s a heinous chuckle behind her, hands grabbing at her hair and pulling it taught. She hears the voice turn, no longer the cold calculated cadence of Prime but instead an icy tone that makes her stomach drop, her body shake. She can barely breath and the hand pulls her hair harder.
Shadow Weaver says, “Of course she isn’t. Adora would never come for you.” Her words slink into Catra’s ears, setting root there, promising to stay. “She doesn’t want you, she never will.” She hears the sharp snap of the scissors on her hair and no, this isn’t what she wants. “You only hurt her.”
Catra wakes up, sweat sticking to her body and a strangled scream stopping in her throat. Her heart is hammering in her chest, her tail puffed out and she sits up in a panic, eyes scanning the dark room. She–Where is she? Why is she here? Who–
She looks to the side of her bed, where the spot is warm but empty. Her heart stops.
“Adora?” she says, but no one replies. “Adora!”
Catra’s breath is stuck, coming out in short spurts, getting left in her chest. Her head is spinning, eyes searching the room, the feral frantic feeling taking over her body and, and, and–
A door opens, sliding to the side and letting in a hint of light. Catra’s pulse spikes and she needs to get out, needs to save herself, needs to get away, away, away. She can feel tears falling down her face and she doesn't want anyone in her head, not anymore.
“Catra?”
Her breath hitches and her eyes adjust, blinking through the teary blur. It’s Adora, standing there, wearing her pajamas and her hair down, eyes wide with concern as the door closes behind her. Adora.
“Adora?” she says, her brain foggy from the panic of adrenaline still stuck stuck in her blood.
“Catra, hey.” Adora approaches her slowly, walking over to the bed with her hands out. “What happened? You were sound asleep when I got up.” She hesitates, then sits down on the bed beside Catra. She doesn’t touch her, but makes her body open, available. Catra reaches out a hand and Adora takes it. “Did you have a bad dream?”
With her free hand, Catra reaches up to touch her hair, to feel that it’s still short but grown out a little. Almost to her shoulders now. She touches the back of her neck. “W-Where are we?” Her voice is small, shaking. She feels stupid to have to ask.
Adora uses her free hand to push back the stray hairs that are sticking to Catra’s face, to wipe the sweat and tears away. “We’re on Darla,” she says. “Bow and Glimmer are here. We’re on our way back to Etheria.”
“Oh.”
That’s right. Catra knows that. They’ve been in space for a couple of months now, planet hopping and bringing magic to places that haven’t seen it in years. It’s been fun, but homesickness has gotten to all of them, and so they’re going home. They’re going back to Etheria. Catra knows this, she remembers. She’s okay. Everything is fine.
She shakes harder.
“Hey,” Adora says, “you’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re here with me.”
She speaks quietly, pulling Catra in and hugging her tight. Catra feels like a child, clinging to Adora and crying into her shoulder, trying so hard to push away the memory fueled nightmares that still haunt her.
“I’m sorry,” she says in a gasp, pulling at Adora more as her crying turns to sobbing.
Adora doesn’t let her go. “Don’t be. It’s okay. I’m right here.”
Her sobbing continues, a mix of relief and left over terror. The nightmares aren’t real and that part of her life is gone, she’s here now. She’s happy and Adora’s happy and they have each other.
She’s okay. Adora has her. She’s here with her.
**
Sometimes, Adora has nightmares.
Catra grew up with her, so Catra is completely aware that Adora can be horrible to sleep with. She drools and mutters weird shit and twists all about. She kicks, too. And pushes. And, on one occasion when they were fifteen, elbows Catra right in the nose.
She’s aware of her girlfriend’s inability to sleep in a still position. She’s figured that out that if she can get Adora to hold her before she falls asleep, she’s more likely to stay still. Which is mostly a bonus to the whole ordeal. Of course, that just means Catra winds up with drool on her shoulder or in her hair. It’s a small price to pay.
But it doesn’t always work.
Catra gets woken up by a jab to her ribs, followed by her whole body being rolled off of Adora’s arm. She startles, eyes opening in panic, readying herself for a fight.
It takes her a second, her eyes scanning the hotel room they're staying at while on some desert planet. It’s dark, but she manages to detect no threats.
Her gaze lands on Adora, who has kicked the blanket off and is still squirming around on the bed, mumbling something Catra can’t make out. Her hands are in tight fists and her brow is furrowed. She’s covered in sweat and there’s tears in the corner of her eyes.
Catra frowns. She knows a bad dream when she sees one.
She reaches out to grab Adora’s shoulder, but she jerks away. “Adora,” Catra says, trying to keep her voice even. She reaches again and Adora tries to move away, but Catra makes her grip firm and holds onto her. “Adora, it’s okay, wake up.” She shakes her, just a bit, trying to stir her.
Adora’s eyes fly open and she sits up, startling Catra enough to make her jump. Adora looks around the room, but something isn’t setting in and she’s still panting like she ran a marathon. “He– We need to be– I–”
Catra moves in front of Adora, trying to look at her, but Adora doesn’t seem to really see her, still soaked in her nightmare.
“Adora,” she says. “It’s okay, it was just a bad dream.”
But Adora is still scared, still running from something in her mind. She won’t look at Catra, just tries to pull away. In a panic, Catra moves to block her, putting her knees on either side of Adora’s legs and sitting on them, trying to hold her down. “Adora, please, it’s okay.”
“No!” Adora starts to squirm again, to pull away and try to get up. “No, no, it’s bad. It’s not good, it’s gonna happen. I have to–I have to–”
“Adora!” Catra grabs onto Adora’s face and makes her look at her. “You don’t have to do anything, we’re okay!”
There’s a pause, a gasp, and, okay, that seems to do it. Adora finally stops trying to pull away and settles. She’s still breathing hard and her pupils are wide with fear. Catra’s got her hands placed on Adora’s shoulders and she can feel her shake and her pulse beat hard, but she’s calming down. It takes a second, but she finally looks at Catra, eyes clearer now.
“Catra?” Her voice trembles.
Catra nods, grabbing onto Adora’s cheek, trying to keep herself steady so that Adora can match a slower heart rate. “It’s me, Adora. You’re okay. We’re okay.” Fresh tears spring out of Adora’s eyes and Catra is there to wipe them away. “It was just a nightmare.”
Tentatively, Adora reaches out. She places her hands on Catra’s waist, slow and deliberate, like she still isn’t sure she’s real. But when her fingers land and stay, Catra can see relief take over her body.
She pulls Catra in, wrapping her arms tight around her. She buries her face in the crook of Catra’s neck and she’s crying. It’s soft, more relieved than terrified. Catra holds her shaking form, scratching her nails lightly over Adora’s scalp, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head.
“We’re okay,” she says, a small mantra for them both. “We’re okay.”
**
Sometimes, neither of them can sleep.
Catra’s mind has been hanging out between asleep and not really since they got to bed, and it won’t settle. She’s got a weird buzz going through her, an edge she doesn’t have a name for, and it’s keeping her from sleeping.
Their day had been crazy. Their week has been crazy, if Catra’s being honest. She and Adora have barely seen each other, running around Bright Moon and getting things in order for the celebration that takes place in a couple of days. Adora has She-Ra things to do and Catra has Catra things to do and the two of them don’t overlap much right now. It’s weird to say she’s missed her when they still sleep in the same bed every night, but Catra’s got an ache in her when Adora’s gone.
It’s summer, so the heat is sweltering, but Catra is still laying directly on top of Adora. Neither of them really care if it just means a little extra sweat. Adora’s got one of her legs wrapped around Catra’s, one hand on Catra’s back, and the other in her hair. It’s fair to say that Adora’s probably missed her too.
Her fingers are lazily scratching Catra’s scalp and behind her ears and, yeah, that feels nice, so of course she’s purring. She rolls her head around, laying her chin on the center of Adora’s chest, and opens her eyes.
Adora is already looking down at her, face soft and smile set in place. “Hey,” she says, keeping her voice low so Melog doesn’t stir. “Did I wake you?”
Catra shrugs. “It’s okay.”
Adora’s hands haven’t stopped their gentle movements, and Catra takes the quiet moments to just look at her. They don’t close the curtains in their room, too fond of the view that Bright Moon offers, so with the moonlight in the darkness, Catra can see the gentle slope of her nose, the strong curve of her jaw, the bow of her lips. She basks in the feeling of just watching her for a minute or two.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks.
There’s a beat, a comfortable moment, as Adora looks back up at the ceiling of their room. “I was just thinking,” she says. “I can’t believe it’ll be a year since everything happened.”
Catra nods. “A year, yeah.” She pulls her head up to try and look at Adora better. Her hair falls over her shoulder and Adora takes her hand to push it back. Gentle, loving hands. “Feels like forever ago.”
“Yeah.” Adora sighs. “So much has changed, it’s hard to wrap my mind around sometimes. Our lives are so different now.”
“You miss it? How it was before?”
She’s teasing, of course, but when she looks down at Adora her heart hits in her chest. She’s got that dopey smile on her face– the one she gives Catra when they’re in crowded rooms and see each from a distance. It’s open and tender and she looks like a complete buffoon.
“Never,” Adora says.
“You’re such a weirdo.” Catra laughs and pushes her hand onto Adora’s face, which she quickly regrets because Adora drops her hand from Catra’s hair to grab her wrist instead. She’s laughing, pulling Catra’s hand a little ways from her face.
She’s got a shine to her eyes, but her smile is still wide and meant for Catra. “Come here,” she says, and Catra can’t ever deny her that.
The kiss is slow and small. Adora hums a content noise and that just makes Catra purr. A year ago, she remembers wondering if she would stop getting butterflies in her stomach every time Adora kissed her.
Now, she doesn’t think that feeling will ever go away.
When she pulls back, her body feels warm and she has a happiness inside her chest that lives there more regularly now. Adora still has that big dopey grin, her eyelids drooping and her cheeks a slight pink. She looks utterly and completely smitten.
“You’re such a sap,” Catra says, smiling in spite of herself.
Adora shrugs. “You love me.”
Catra probably looks just as lovestruck as Adora and so there’s no chance of denying that. Not that she ever would.
“Yeah,” she says, “I do.”
**
And, sometimes, Catra just wakes up.
Her eyes gently flutter open, taking a second to adjust to the light coming in through white curtains. The room is warm with the morning sun and Catra feels her entire body at ease; relaxed and refreshed from her full night of sleep.
She is wrapped tight in Adora’s arms, her back pressed to Adora’s front, and the position is blessedly common now. Waking up in their bed, in their house–it’s something that she just has now. The sense of safety that Catra used to run for is now just something she wakes up to.
Adora sighs, pulling Catra in and placing a kiss to the back of her jaw. “Morning,” she says, voice gravelly.
“Morning.” Catra yawns and moves just enough that she can stretch out her arms and legs, waking up her muscles.
Adora whines and buries her face further into Catra’s hair. “No moving.”
Catra immediately moves, turning around in Adora’s arms and entwining their legs together. Adora’s eyes are still closed and she’s pouting out her bottom lip. “Sorry,” Catra says through a giggle.
“No you’re not,” Adora says. Her lips twitch, though, a start to a smile.
And what is Catra supposed to do besides kiss her.
She means to make it quick and small, aware of the sleep sour breath they are both harbouring, but that doesn’t pan out. A freshly awake Adora is a clingy Adora and it’s easy to get lost in her. They let the kiss linger and Catra holds her tight. They take their time, let the morning warm them and let each new kiss bleed into the next.
They have things to do today, she knows. Glimmer’s going to kill them if they’re late, because there’s decisions to be made and cakes to be tasted and outfits to be fitted. It’s a long day of planning ahead of them. They need to get up soon.
Catra runs her hands through Adora’s hair and kisses her again. She hums against her lips and feels Adora smile in response. She feels that love deep down inside of her, through all of her bones and nerves and right into her heart.
They can be late. Everything outside their bed can wait past the morning they’ve woken up in.