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"Atsushi, for the love of god, please don't dress our child in something hideous."
"Pardon me, but what exactly are you implying here? That I'm a horrible dresser?!" the boy fires back as they browse the clothing racks inside the tiny thrift store, or more like Atsushi was sorting through the potential outfits while Akutagawa stood alongside him and judged anything he tried to show and get his opinion on critically.
"I mean," the mafioso huffs, arms folded over his chest, "you pretty much wear the exact same outfit every single day, so if I hate one thing you wear, then I hate everything you wear."
"Okay, smartass, you're one to talk. When's the last time you washed that jacket, huh?" the weretiger responds with attitude, this bickering surprisingly healthy and ordinary for them even compared to intimate affection. It's what their relationship was built up from, it's foundation, and to toss all of that away just because they have the urge to now kiss each other would just make things too weird and unfamiliar.
Besides, it seemed Kazue gets a kick out of hearing his parents' banter, for after Atsushi's latest comment, he paralyzes the two of them when he suddenly starts giggling, an angelic harmony.
"See," Atsushi laughs fondly, leaning in to squeeze one of his son's cheeks and plant a chaste kiss to his eyelid, the toddler smiling like this was the happiest moment of their life, "even your kid agrees that you gotta get that filthy coat washed."
"I'll have you know that I go to the dry cleaners regularly! You, on the other hand, probably have twenty-seven duplicates of the same fucking dress shirt in your closet."
"No! I only have the one shirt Kunikida gave when they first took me in!"
"Okay, so you're the smelly one then. Case closed."
"SAYS THE ONE WHO HATES TAKING BATHS!"
"Do you lose your ability when you have no clothes on?!"
"THEN BATHE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
"WHAT KIND OF PSYCHOPATH GETS IN THE SHOWER WITH THEIR UNDERWEAR ON?!"
"THE SAME KIND OF PSYCHOPATH THAT FEARS BASIC HYGIENE!"
They were no doubt starting a scene even if there were only a few other strangers present minus the cashier, a cashier that is very judgemental, so it seemed, because he's been criticizing and being outwardly mean to just about everyone he's rang in today. But old habits die hard, and by the end of it they had both crumbled into laughter before it picked right back up again not even five minutes later.
"Oh, come on, Ryuu, seriously?!" Atsushi sighs through his nose as yet another outfit he held up was rejected by the difficult man. "It's just a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans!"
"Well, it looks cheap as hell..."
"That's because IT IS! WE'RE IN A GOD DAMN THRIFT STORE, WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING? GUCCI BAGS AND PRADA?! I'M POOR! P-O-O-R!"
"Well I'm not, so I suggest we leave and find a shopping venue that actually has no chance of crawling in rats and mold," he mutters with a disgusted shiver, and Atsushi is honestly left wondering how in god's name Akutagawa ever survived living homeless and in poverty when he's apparently so damn high maintenance now!
"Fine then," Atsushi says with the utmost pettiness, intentionally turning his head away from his companion so he could notice how displeased he is. "If you're such a fashion expert all of a sudden, where do you suggest we go? The sun is going to go down soon, and if we can't find something for him to wear by then, the poor thing is going to freeze!"
If Atsushi had stopped at that question, Akutagawa would have no doubt kept adding fuel to the fire, and perhaps this fight would have never ended unless Nakajima had eventually gave in. But in the end, the weretiger did make a very valuable point, and Ryuunosuke couldn't help but frown down at the child in his arms as he tried touching all the different feelings of material with his tiny hands, amazement dancing in his innocent eyes. He really was such a simple child to please, which would have been a trait that most certainly came from Atsushi and not himself.
I guess it seems he has no choice now but to give in...
When silence is all that follows his snarky reply, Atsushi blinks in confusion before turning around to see if the guy had just vanished into thin air, which actually would have been less shocking than seeing him now searching the other rack for something 'doable'.
"Here, this is good enough," Akutagawa turns around holding up a tiny hanger with a blue-gray pair of overalls and a plain black long sleeve underneath, which Atsushi had to admit was actually really adorable. Kazue seemed to agree as well, because he reached out and pinched the fabric between his fingers, pulling it off the hanger and scrunching it in his hands.
"Okay, sure. Want me to go in the dressing room with him or would you like to volunteer?" Atsushi relents, and with only a few seconds of thought, the latter says,
"You take him in with you and I'll bring him in some socks and underwear when I find something. They might have some shoes here too."
That was fair enough.
They crouched down below the racks far enough that no one else could see the baby transfer, Kazue giggling as his arms wrap around Atsushi's neck, once his father slipped the clothing out of his hands, of course.
They set off for the dressing room right away, almost as swift as Akutagawa was in taking off to find what he set out for, but it seems both their journeys had stopped when the door to the shop swings open, revealing Dazai in the flesh for the first time since they were all cluelessly gathered in Mori's office together earlier.
Atsushi didn't need Akutagawa's warning stare from across the room to tell him to abort to the dressing room as fast as humanly possible, he was sure as hell doing that anyway.
"Akutagawa! I thought that was you I spotted through the window!" Dazai hums suspiciously pleasant, the mafioso unable to suppress the urge to roll his eyes at what he suspects will be a very bothersome encounter.
"What do you want, Dazai? As you can see, I'm very busy." Akutagawa greets him coldly, not even turning to look at the older as he proceeded with what he had been originally doing, which was finding something for Kazue to throw on.
"Oh, I can tell! I didn't know you took such a small size in underwear, though! But don't worry, a small dick is nothing to be ashamed about-!"
"DAZAI!" a voice shouts angrily, and while Akutagawa had most certainly did, it blended in unity with someone else who was screaming outside.
Of course, even a fool would likely predict who that could be.
"Shit, I'm found!" Dazai cries before lunging himself inside the clothing rack, covered on all sides by the border of shirts on hangers. "I beg of you, as your superior, please don't toss me out to the wolves! It's the least you owe me!"
"Okay, for starters, I don't owe you shit. Secondly, what's got him so worked up? Better yet, what did you do to get him so worked up?" Akutagawa grumbles, knowing damn well his younger self would strangle him for talking to Dazai in such a way. But it's all in good nature at this point in time, because over the course of these past three years, Osamu has more than made amends for how he treated him back in the day, by not only just apologizing to him for the agonizing pain he put the poor orphan through, but telling him that he's always been proud of him, and that he can only dream of becoming half the kind of man he's grown into. They've never been in a better place.
"I... um..." Dazai laughs nervously, a mere talking shirt at this point with his body completely hidden away. "I may have left him and the kids behind at the mafia after saying I was going to pick up milk and never come back?"
A beat. And then-
"CHUUYA! THE BASTARD'S IN HERE-!"
"HEY! I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS!"
"Well, it takes a betrayer to know one, so..." Akutagawa smirks, Dazai gasping overdramatically until he's immediately shutting up upon hearing a bell ring over the door, signifying the entry of somebody into the store unless your name is Nakahara Chuuya, because that man doesn't need anything to alert anyone of his arrival. Even Mars could hear him walk in a room.
"Where's that motherfucker?!" Chuuya growls, the shopkeep and everyone else blankly staring at him as the atmosphere grows intensely quiet.
Akutagawa lays down the pair of socks he had in possession and quietly creeps over to where Chuuya was standing, two five year old girls holding on to each one of his hands as they too looked around for their father. However, the appearance of Akutagawa is quick to grab their attention, for the brunette had gasped in amazement and exclaims, "Wow! I thought Dracula wasn't allowed out in the sunlight! That's fucking insane, dude!"
Both children had most definitely borrowed their outfits off Elise, that much was clear to him. The little girl who just spoke to him with Chuuya's beautiful sapphire eyes was in a dress that looked identical to the red one Mori's... wife, often wore except it was a deep shade of blue with the puffy sleeves and frills, a red ribbon tied around the collar of the white button-up underneath. The twin, a little girl with Chuuya's long, curly ginger hair that contrasted with the straightness and full front bangs of her sister, had on an identical outfit, except the color of her gown was beige with black ribbon, both wearing matching white stockings but differing Mary Janes that matched the colors of the bows tied around their backs. The latter's eyes were Dazai's dark brown, that was for sure, although much more doe-like than Osamu's ever could be.
Akutagawa pretended not to be offended by that statement (and swallowed down the oncoming PTSD of the Bram Stoker incident), but even if he truly were, he was much too distracted seeing the children of his superiors for the first time. The resemblance was terrifying, but he supposes anyone else could say that about his and Atsushi's boy.
"Hey! Watch that mouth of yours, Akira!" Chuuya warns for the third time today, the child most certainly inheriting his tongue of all things. "In ten years time, you can swear to your heart's content, I don't give a shit, but not yet! People who start swearing too early wind up like me!"
"But you're so pretty, Daddy, anyone would be lucky to be like you," Akane, their angel child, smiles innocently up at her father, who sighs in exasperation. "Maybe I should start saying fu-!"
"NO! STOP RIGHT THERE!" Chuuya's palm slaps over her mouth, the little girl giggling all the while her twin cackled devilishly. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, OSAMU, COME GET YOUR KIDS-!"
"Hey, Akutagawa? Do you have something for him yet?" Atsushi's voice sings out to him from inside their dressing room, Akutagawa mumbling, "Shit," under his breath upon almost forgetting what he was set out to do before calling back apologetically,
"Sorry, just give me a moment!"
Chuuya snickers as Akutagawa re-approaches the table he was previously stood at to retrieve the clothing articles he was sent for, feeling the teasing eyes of his current superior jabbing into his core before eventually giving in to the weird stare with a sigh, grumbling defeatedly, "Just say it."
"I can't believe you two are still dancing around each other for this long! How have you not fucked yet?!" the man oh so bluntly puts out there, and if he didn't have so much respect for the individual, Akutagawa probably would have unleashed Rashomon on him by now.
"Nakahara, as my executive, t-that is a very inappropriate statement to be saying toward a fellow colleague-!"
"Oh, don't 'Nakahara' me, boy! I'm just saying, the tension between the both of you is starting to bring me physical pain! Maybe your body feels it too, and that's why you're so ill all the time," Chuuya laughs, Akutagawa praying to god that Atsushi couldn't hear all of this from the dressing room. "Trust me, once you get it on, life will be that much brighter!"
"The reason he hasn't hit it yet is because his dick is so small that he's resorted to wearing children's underwear, I just caught him in the act~!" Dazai's cooing tone exposes his hiding place, the grown man screeching and emerging from his haven when he hears Chuuya scream,
"SO THAT'S WHERE THE BASTARD WENT!"
Osamu runs for cover in the nearest dressing room, the one right alongside Atsushi's as the impact of the door slamming shut shook the closet the weretiger was in with his baby. An eyebrow raises, but he pays the commotion no mind as he awaits on Akutagawa to return with the socks, underwear, and hopefully some sneakers.
Akane starts crying when Dazai locks himself away, teary-eyed sniffles quickly transforming into full-blown wails and sobs. The mean cashier started yelling, snapping for them to 'take the snot-nosed brat out of here if she's gonna keep bursting his eardrums', and in unison, Chuuya and Akira both yelled for him to, "Fuck off and mind your own business!"
While Akutagawa was walking back to Kazue's dressing room, he's practically plummeted out of the way by the crying little girl, pushing past the stranger so she could desperately knock on her father's door, sobbing like her world was coming to an end.
"Daddy," she pleads, "why don't you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?"
Those words rang like warning bells in Dazai's ears, his innermost conscience releasing the toxins of a series of memories he begged himself to forget, seven years trying.
'Osamu, why don't you love me anymore? Why wasn't I reason enough to stay?'
He still replays Chuuya's words from back then most nights when ugly thoughts keep him up, voice barely steady but keeping strong, despite how weak he sounded. Hearing him cry is an ache that burns like none other, worse than any abuse or suicide attempt he's ever touched, but knowing he's the one that sent him into that state makes him want to tie the noose around his neck just that much tighter.
"Little chibi." he says, voice frighteningly serious with an undertone of grief. "Crawl under."
Mouth hung agape, Akane nods obediently despite her dad being unable to see it, getting down on all fours and crawling under the door. She was barely stood back up straight before she's being thrown into Osamu's arms, eyes blown wide as she felt him trembling in her embrace, face buried in his daughter's shoulder.
"Daddy loves you, Akane," he murmurs weakly, the little girl unable to complain about how tight his desperate grip on her was as silent tears streamed down her cheeks, "and he loves your sister just as much."
"What about dad?"
"What about dad?" Dazai chuckles like it was the most obvious answer of them all, amusement painting his face. He pulls away and looks her in the eyes, palms cupping her cheeks so he could gently brush away the tears that mostly clung to her lashes. "Precious, I would burn this entire world to the ground just to make him feel safe."
"Oh my god, I'm gonna start crying!"
"A-Atsushi?! When did you get here?!" Dazai's heart skips a beat at the sudden appearance of his current mentee's voice, who he didn't even realize was in the building, let alone right next to him!
"Hi. I'm on the other side of the wall."
"O-Oh, well um... This is awkward."
"You can say that again," comes another, and now Dazai just wants to cast himself off into another river.
"AKUTAGAWA TOO?!" he groans whiningly, face in his hands. "Oh no, I'm ruined!"
"Hey, asswipe, I heard all that too!" Akira shouts over the door as she kicked it with her foot, Dazai and Akane flinching. "Now open up! You've got two daughters, don't forget!"
"H-How could I?" Osamu laughs uneasily, unlocking the door to see his child's clear expression of annoyance. He notices Chuuya isn't stood outside either like he was expecting, and so has to ask as he takes a quick scope around the store from inside, "Where did your dad take off to now?"
"He's having a smoke. Told me to stay inside and keep an eye on you," she says with a suspicious glare, Dazai unable to help but smile fondly at how familiar that vicious expression looked at fifteen.
"And who better to keep her old man in check than my little firecracker? C'mere, come give your daddy a hug."
Akane crosses her arms, eyes closed and brows knitted as she turns her head snottily.
"And what makes you think I want to hug a stinky mackerel like you?" she huffs, but her voice had less bite than it usually did, it almost sounded soft.
"Because you were even more upset over Daddy's disappearance than little Akane herself, you're just too damn stubborn to show it," Dazai digs, a grin rising on his lips when her face becomes beet red at the accusation, eyes shooting open.
"I-I WAS NOT! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHETHER YOU'RE HERE OR NOT!" she cries in defense, her facade growing weaker and weaker like Dazai's struggle not to laugh. "I'm only here because Dad told me to be..."
"So no hug then?" Osamu pouts, Akira's vein practically pulsing out of her forehead before she's screaming unnecessarily loud,"I didn't say that, you big dummy!" and throwing her arms around her father and sister, all three of them laughing until they were breathless.
"Are you crowd ready to go yet?" Chuuya asks as he re-enters the store, voice and expression softening at the precious sight of Dazai and their children together. "I was thinking we could take the youngsters to McDonald's for a bite."
As to be expected, the little girls began squealing in excitement at the mention of McDonald's, which was when Akutagawa and Atsushi both emerged from the dressing room with little Kazue in Atsushi's arms, dressed and able to freely show himself to the world without having to be covered this time.
"Oh my god!" Chuuya cries in delight upon first seeing the toddler, hands shielding his mouth and nose as if he were about to start tearing up. "I wasn't expecting him to be so small!"
"Damn," Dazai smirks upon stepping out of the dressing room to get a look at the kid. "There's no trouble spotting him in a crowd, that's for sure."
"Does anyone want to hold him?" Atsushi politely extends with a smile, and Chuuya is immediate to jump on that offer, already starting to baby-talk the child while he made his way over, arms spread.
Kazue smiles shyly, and seems to like Nakahara a lot. He started giggling when Chuuya booped his nose and started to playfully tickle him, roaring whenever his fingers brushed his neck and stomach.
Dazai, on the other hand, was his worst nightmare apparently. As soon as Chuuya passed him off to him, the child started tearing up, eventually sobbing and screaming bloody murder when the executive had entirely let go. Osamu had nervously laughed and awkwardly patted him on the back with hesitance, Kazue's arms reaching out for Akutagawa like his life depended on it.
Atsushi almost felt like holding Akutagawa back when he marched over to Dazai, expression looking murderous, but he slipped through his fingers before he could touch his shoulder.
Thankfully, Ryuunosuke didn't take Dazai out, but he did snatch his son back rather roughly, hugging him close to his chest as his tears instantly evaporated with no trace he was ever crying. Kazue rested his head against the crook of his shoulder post-cry session, Akutagawa's cravat clutched between his fingers as his eyes grew tired, but still a sleepy smile rose on his lips when Atsushi kisses the dimple of his smirk and tells him they're going out for food.
The cashier wasn't sad to see them finally leave.
"Akutagawa, have you even ate McDonald's before?" Atsushi casually asks as the group of seven stroll into the fast food restaurant, the place ordinarily busy but not too chaotic. He was carrying the baby again while Ryuunosuke ordered for them, which probably wasn't the best decision he could have made.
"No. Takeout food is fatty and disgusting," he grimaces. "Only fools would choose to spend their money at a venue such as this-!"
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?"
There was an awkward pause, Akutagawa glaring at the cashier for interrupting him while he was mid-conversation as if he wasn't standing at the front of the line, and as if she wasn't just doing her job. The employee's pleasant smile grew awkward, all the while Dazai and Chuuya were barely able to compose themselves as they attempted to busy their attentions elsewhere, trying not to laugh at their idiot friend.
"Yes, I would like to place an order for one of those red kid boxes with the nuggets."
"Oh, so you mean a Happy Meal then?"
"No, I specifically asked for nuggets in a red box, not happiness. I do not assume emotion is edible, but your trickery will not work on me. I may fall victim to my illness, but never false advertising, you villian."
"Oh dear god, please tell me I didn't just witness Akutagawa threatening a McDonald's employee?!" Chuuya wheezes, practically doubling over from where he stood in line behind Akutagawa alongside Dazai, Atsushi, and their children. "What the fuck!"
"Akutagawa really said only fools would spend their money at McDonald's before proceeding to spend his money on McDonald's," Dazai snickers, holding Akane by the hand while Nakahara held Akira's. "This man does not belong in public; I'm so glad he joined the mafia over finding a job that deals with people interaction. He certainly wouldn't last long."
"Go help him out, weretiger, for the love of god," Nakahara casually shoves him forward, trying to stifle his laughter that threatened to rise even after he managed to calm himself down. "Your man is a mess."
So with a sigh, Atsushi obliges, having to explain to the poor young woman working the cash that Akutagawa has never purchased from here before and that a McNugget Happy Meal is what they would like to have, along with a chocolate milk for the drink. The girl was clearly trying not to laugh as she keyed in their order, biting down on her lip that couldn't stop curving upward, and to be honest so was Nakajima.
"Here is your receipt, I'll call your number in a minute," the cashier says as she hands him the slip of paper, and Atsushi is so grateful that they had already walked away when Akutagawa's stupidity kickstarted once more.
"Oh, so you gave that girl your number, huh? And she plans on calling you in a minute for a date?" he mutters, and at this point his poor partner doesn't know whether he wants to wheeze or cry. "Is she aware you have a son, one that you have a lunch date with as of this moment? It is, in fact, very rude to disregard your plans with somebody, especially a child, and for her to demand that she call you in sixty seconds to take time away from you and the child that you only just got to meet, I would have to assume she is of very poor influence and should come nowhere near our precious son."
"Akutagawa?"
"Yes?"
"Please stop talking."
They received their orders in about five to seven minutes, and Atsushi had to forcibly drag Akutagawa away from the cash before he could continue lecturing the poor soul about respecting people's schedules. Chuuya hasn't stopped laughing since they walked in because of him, and even now as they get situated at an open table together, he couldn't stop.
"Aku, I'm sorry, but you're killing me here," the man chuckles as he hands the girls their Happy Meals, having to look inside them first to make sure Akane was getting the snack wrap and orange juice while Akira got her nuggets and Fruitopia. They started arguing over the toys they got as soon as they opened their boxes, but Nakahara and Dazai simply pretended they couldn't hear it, for the girls had to learn to resolve their conflicts on their own anyway.
"Well, I'm glad my idiocy has managed to provide you with some entertainment. This may come as a surprise, but it certainly is of no amusement to me," he murmurs, expression looking like a mix of irritation and gloom until Kazue is tugging on the sleeve of his jacket as ask of his attention, the man looking down at his child with a blank hum of question.
Kazue sticks his tiny fingers inside his little fry box and picks a single one up, Atsushi feeling tears of happiness burn in his eyes as the little one turns to Akutagawa with a smile and silently holds it up for him, the baby's violet-yellow eyes hopeful and proud.
At first, he was worried Ryuu would reject him, seeing as he went on a huge rant earlier about how much he despises fast-food. Atsushi could already imagine the hurt his precious little face would express at having been brushed off, and just the thought of it broke the weretiger's heart.
However, it seemed Ryuu, as per usual, pulled through, and so he leans his head down to take the fry out of his hand using his teeth, Kazue bursting into a fit of giggles like it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. Even Dazai's expression had softened at watching the sight of the two of them together, and given the successful reaction Kazue had earned from the first try, he practically fed most of his fries to both his parents, for he had picked up a second fry and turned his attention to Atsushi next so he could eat one too.
Once they had finished eating, Akane picked up Kazue and the three children headed off to the play place, despite how weary Atsushi was at letting them go off on their own. The group of parents simply chatted for the time they were gone, picking at whatever scraps they had left behind as they talked.
"This is all so strange, though. Obviously I'm very grateful for our kids, I love them like they've always been our own, but this is all so worrying to me. What motive could Mori possibly have for giving us children? More importantly, is there a way for this ability to get reversed somehow?" Chuuya asks with genuine concern, finishing off the rest of Akane's drink as he leans back in his seat, feet resting on the table.
"I get what you mean. Kazue has barely existed a day, and yet I feel that I've known him forever. If they were to take him from us now... I don't know if I could get over it," Atsushi murmurs with a sad distance in his eyes, Akutagawa frowning as he listened to him speak because he despised how true that was for the both of them.
"Perhaps Mori's aim is to have us build a deep and loving connection with these kids so he can one day use them as leverage against us. Anyone can date someone, and it can be an eternal bond that is never to be broken, but what runs between parent and child is something else that's sacred altogether. Lovers can come and go, but kids never truly leave your heart, even if you somehow do manage to become separated," Dazai is the one to explain, and it's the fact that something so expressive is coming from him is what hits them most, because it seems even Osamu has fallen hard so early in the game, which means the rest of them are sure as hell goners.
"Well, all this time we've fought like dogs to protect this city from both ourselves and other obstacles, so this time should be no different," Chuuya says, voice no longer void of hope like it was previously. "No matter who or what tries to harm or take them away from us, they are up against two of Yokohama's strongest fighting pairs. Put all four of us together, and you're in for a shitshow."
The table expresses a laugh at that final comment, because they know that's certainly true. And so even with no intentions to drink from them, they each pick up a cup, Akutagawa's hand resting atop of Atsushi's as they both held Kazue's together for the three of them to give cheers. When Chuuya asks what they should toast to, it's Atsushi that says, "to the stray dogs," with an infectious giggle that passes them all, and somehow the warmth in Dazai's chest had managed to expand...