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Shouyou is wearing his favorite baby blue sweater. It’s a size too big on him, the sleeves reaching his fingertips and the collar exposing enough of his clavicle to the point of distraction.
Tobio is intimately familiar with this sweater. He’s been forced to scent it every few days for the past year and a half. Tobio wasn’t allowed to even touch it before – It’s my comfort sweater, Bakageyama, I don’t want your gross alpha sweat on it! – but that went out the window once they officially mated during their second year. After that, any of Shouyou’s things were fair game. He insisted on it, actually.
From his spot across the small table in Shouyou’s room, Tobio catches sight of his bite mark at the base of Shouyou’s neck. It’s completely visible when Shouyou wears the sweater, and Tobio swears that it’s a conscious thing his omega does: wearing it when he’s feeling particularly needy, when he wants Tobio’s attention.
And it works, is the thing. Too well, depending on who you ask. But today, the image of their mating mark only makes Tobio feel vaguely ill.
“You’re staring at me,” Shouyou says. He doesn’t look up from his textbook, but his mouth twitches into a small smirk that Tobio wants to nibble on. “We’re supposed to be studying. Don’t you want to pass, Tobio?”
Of course, he does. His sister would kill him otherwise, never mind Hitoka and Kei. But there’s just too much on Tobio’s mind, and there has been for weeks. As their final exams inch closer, and as Shouyou’s mom complains about the international phone bill her son has been racking up, Tobio wishes more and more that they could just stay in high school forever.
“That’s funny,” says Tobio, “coming from you.”
Shouyou’s pencil moves across his notebook, but it’s just for show, if his answering purr is any indicator. He’s feeling playful, and Tobio feels lower than dirt knowing that he can’t reciprocate tonight. “It’s not like I’m going to university anyway,” Shouyou comments. “Neither are you, so I guess it doesn’t matter. I could think of a few other things we could do aside from study, anyway.”
“Shouyou.” The omega shivers slightly at the sound of his name, and when he glances up, Tobio quickly takes note of the familiar, mischievous glint in his eyes. “Can we, um – Can I talk to you about something?”
“What is it, Alpha?” asks Shouyou, because he’s a piece of shit who gets off on derailing every thought in Tobio’s head. He’s all feigned innocence and curiosity, and Tobio seriously considers saving this discussion for yet another day. “You know you can tell me anything.”
It’s exactly what Tadashi had said, just with less playful energy. He’d been more bewildered than anything, listening to Tobio’s tirade after a long day of practice. “You should just tell Shouyou,” the beta had said. “You know he hates when you keep stuff from him, and I really don’t want to be dealing with this all the way up to graduation.”
Tobio told himself earlier that morning that today would be the day he finally talked to Shouyou about everything. About graduation and what would come after. He’d tried to stay calm throughout the day, to not let his nerves bleed into his scent, and it must have paid off if Shouyou feels comfortable enough to flirt.
“It’s about Brazil,” Tobio says at length, and Shouyou straightens up from his relaxed position, regarding Tobio with genuine curiosity.
“What about it?” Shouyou asks. “I told you I finally decided on Rio, right? I didn’t forget to tell you?”
Tobio shakes his head. Shouyou had called him the other week at nearly three in the morning, having finally received confirmation from Coach Ukai and his contacts in Rio that they’d be willing to host Shouyou for a few years while he played beach volleyball. He hadn’t been able to sleep, Shouyou told him, and had wanted to tell Tobio as soon as possible. And with his omega sounding so happy over the phone, Tobio had been able to push down his unease, if only for the next few days.
“I just – ” Tobio glances away, busies himself with his notebooks as he says, “If you wanted to… take a break while you’re gone, I would – I’d understand.”
Shouyou blinks slowly in that way he does when faced with a problem he doesn’t know how to solve. “A break from what?”
“Me,” Tobio clarifies, gesturing almost awkwardly to the dark mark at the base of Shouyou’s neck. “Us.”
Having a mate isn’t at all like it’s portrayed to be in media. Tobio can’t sense Shouyou’s emotions as if they were his own, nor would he be able to tell if Shouyou were in distress somewhere, hundreds of kilometers away. All the mark really does is ward off unwanted suitors and change the recipient’s scent in subtle ways.
But Tobio doesn’t need all that romantic, supernatural fluff to know when Shouyou understands. It’s in the way his scent takes on an almost bitter edge, reminding Tobio of a dark, dank cellar. It makes the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, sends his instincts into a frenzy because his mate is upset, angry, and it’s all his fault.
Being Tobio’s better half in so many ways, Shouyou has always worn his heart on his sleeve. When he loves, he loves hard. And when he’s hurt, everyone will know it.
“Why would you say that?” Shouyou demands, even as his chin quivers and tears build in his eyes. Tobio bites back a whine, forces himself to stay exactly where he is. “Tobio? Why would you say that to me?”
“You’ll be gone for a long time,” Tobio blurts out in a blind panic, watching as Shouyou’s nostrils flare in barely suppressed fury. “I don’t want you to feel stuck if you get, like, lonely or something.”
“I get lonely when you sleep over and get up to go to the bathroom at night!” Shouyou snaps, and Tobio ducks his head on instinct. “Does that mean I should find another alpha?”
“Shou – ”
The omega slams his hands down on the table, and Tobio shuts his mouth with an audible click. “Do you want to see other people?” Shouyou demands, and just the suggestion has Tobio feeling violently sick. “Are you worried you won’t be able to wait for me?”
“No, it’s not like that!”
Shouyou’s eyes flit over every inch of Tobio’s stricken expression, gaze no less penetrating despite the tears now slipping down his face. “Then what is it like? Because, to me, it sounds like you’re… you’re… ”
Tobio can tell that Shouyou is slipping. His mate has never once backed down from a confrontation, but there are times when his emotions get the better of him, and he loses himself to his inner omega. “It’s like I just want to curl up in a ball and hide,” Shouyou had told him once, back when they were first years. It was after their first real fight, when Shouyou had spent nearly two weeks smelling like cold, rotting earth. “It doesn’t happen a lot, but… I don’t know. You scare me sometimes. Losing you scares me.”
Unable to hold himself back, Tobio reaches across the table to grab Shouyou’s wrist. Instead of pulling away like Tobio feared he might, Shouyou merely rotates his wrist until his palm is facing upward. His fingers dig into Tobio’s own wrist like a studded collar, cold to the touch but refusing to yield. “I’ll only ever be your alpha,” Tobio says, and it’s the truest thing he’s ever said. “There’s no way I could ever break our bond.”
“Then why?” Shouyou cries. “I don’t understand. If you don’t want me to leave, then I – ”
Tobio is quick to shake his head. “No, I want you to go. If this is what you need to keep playing volleyball, then of course I’ll support you, Shouyou. I’m just… ”
He knows he has to say it. Shouyou hasn’t been this upset with him in years, and at this point, Tobio would do anything to make his scent go back to normal, to bring his smile back to his face. But the thought of telling Shouyou how he feels – how he’s felt, ever since the night he set his teeth to the omega’s skin – is a terrifying one.
All Tobio has ever wanted is to be a good partner for Shouyou. That hadn’t always meant being a good mate or alpha, because even before they started dating, they were friends. And Tobio has failed so many times in the past – refusing to listen when Shouyou told him their quick attack could be more, not noticing as Shouyou overworked himself to the point of collapse at Nationals during their first year – but Shouyou has never held any of it against him.
This could be it, Tobio thinks, even as he steels himself for it. This could be what pushes him away.
“I know I’m not… the best,” Tobio begins, and Shouyou seems to startle at that, blinking rapidly through his tears. “I just want you to know that if you… meet someone while you’re away, you don’t have to worry about me. We’re really young to be mated, and if you go and realize you made a mistake or something, I’d get it. Really.”
The way Shouyou’s mouth pops open would be kind of adorable were it not for the circumstances. His fingers go lax around Tobio’s wrist, and Tobio, feeling nervous and uncomfortable, makes to pull away. But at the slightest movement, Shouyou’s grip turns nearly punishing. “I want to hit you,” Shouyou says plainly. “You – You’re so – ”
He growls, a tiny, omegan sound that doesn’t hold nearly the same power as an alpha’s, but it makes Tobio feel chastised all the same. Shouyou shakes his head, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes at the motion. “Why’d you give me this?” he asks, voice deceptively even as he tilts his head, exposing the expanse of his throat and the mark at its base. Tobio swallows, averting his eyes, because he’s used to Shouyou doing that only in certain contexts. “If you thought I’d change my mind someday, then why even bother?”
“Because I love you,” Tobio replies. “And I was… selfish. I wanted to be yours, even if it didn’t last. Mating bonds can be broken.”
“But you just said you’d always be my alpha!”
Tobio nods but says nothing. Shouyou just keeps staring at him, hurt and anger fading into a confusion so profound Tobio can nearly smell it. It doesn’t last long, however, as Shouyou sucks in a small breath and reaches up to place his free hand over Tobio’s. “You’d really let me break the bond if I wanted.” It isn’t a question. Just a quiet, heartbreaking realization. “You’d really just let me run off with someone else?”
The thought has Tobio growling, though it tapers off once he notices how Shouyou’s eyes flash. “Well, I wouldn’t like it,” Tobio says gruffly. “Obviously.”
“Okay, yeah,” Shouyou says, sounding slightly winded for whatever reason. “I can definitely smell how much you wouldn’t like it. So, why are you telling me this?”
“It’s not like I’d force you to stay, Shouyou. What kind of shitty person would I be if I did that?”
“You’re acting like I even want to leave at all!” Shouyou exclaims, suddenly angry again as he goes back to glaring. “We’re fine, aren’t we? If I didn’t want to be your mate, I wouldn’t have let you bite me, you idiot. I’m not gonna stop loving you just because we’re in different countries.”
“You don’t know that,” Tobio says before he can stop himself, and Shouyou immediately goes rigid.
For a few, long moments, they just stare at one another. Shouyou doesn’t let go of Tobio’s arm, and Tobio doesn’t make a move to pull away again. Shouyou hasn’t exactly stopped crying, but his tears seem less desperate now, less of a fear response so deep that the omega couldn’t help but weep with it. Tobio is harassed by his own desire to lick the wet tracks away – he’s done it before, and Shouyou always goes boneless under his tongue – but he doesn’t feel confident enough to even attempt such a thing.
“I never thought I’d love anything like I love volleyball,” Shouyou eventually says, “and then I found you. So, don’t fucking tell me that I’d fall out of love with you just because I couldn’t see you every day. I loved you even when you were a huge asshole.”
Tobio huffs, knows his ears must be turning red, but Shouyou isn’t finished, because he’ll never stop until Tobio is just a useless puddle of emotion. “I’m your omega just as much as you’re my alpha, you know,” Shouyou continues. “The thought of being away from you makes me want to call the whole thing off, but I’m not just doing this for myself. I’m doing this for us, too. So that we can play together for as long as possible.”
“I know that – ”
“Do you?” Shouyou tips his head. “I’m not going to Brazil to go to clubs and meet people. I’m not trying to forget who I am or anything. I’m going to come home, and then I’m never leaving my insecure alpha alone ever again.”
Tobio has denials on his tongue, but the look in Shouyou’s eyes is a silent challenge for Tobio to say anything to the contrary, so he ultimately stays quiet. “Get over here and scent me,” Shouyou grumbles, finally letting go of Tobio’s arm. “I was having such a good night before this.”
“I’m sorry,” Tobio says guiltily, even as he hurries to do as he’s told.
Shouyou sniffles quietly as Tobio hurries around the table, sliding into place behind Shouyou as he’s done so many times before. The omega’s scent is still off, bogged down by hurt and sadness, but he sags back against Tobio’s chest like he would on any other night, tilting his head to the side to give Tobio room to work.
The alpha continues to murmur apologies into his mate’s skin as he nuzzles into his neck, drags his nose along Shouyou’s mark. Shouyou doesn’t purr like he otherwise would, and Tobio squeezes his eyes shut, wishing he’d been strong enough to not worry about any of this. “You make me so mad sometimes,” Shouyou says into the quiet.
“I know.”
“Who just mates someone expecting to be abandoned?”
“Me, I guess,” Tobio mumbles, a slave to his instincts as he sets about making sure his omega is safe and cared for. He sniffs at Shouyou’s face, eyeing the drying tears. “Shou… ”
With a sigh, Shouyou turns his head slightly. “Go ahead, you weirdo.”
Tobio doesn’t take Shouyou’s attitude to heart, especially not when Shouyou slides his hands over Tobio’s arms to wrap them even tighter around his waist. He stays still as Tobio methodically licks away his tears, chest vibrating in a croon meant to soothe, reassure.
“I don’t know why I didn’t expect this.” Tobio feels Shouyou’s jaw moving beneath his tongue as he speaks. “You always get weird when other people try to flirt with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, like, I can tell you’re pissed off, but you always pay more attention to me than the other person. Like you want to see how I’m reacting first before you do anything about it.”
Tobio considers this, hadn’t even realized he had a pattern of behavior when it came to these things. “You’ve really been expecting me to leave you this whole time?” Shouyou asks again, sounding tired. “How come you never said anything?”
“I wasn’t expecting anything, I just… knew it was a possibility,” Tobio explains, tightening his arms around Shouyou’s middle when the older boy growls and starts to squirm. “You know how I grew up. How it was with my parents. Miwa and I have a weird concept of mating.”
Tobio has very few memories of his parents, but the ones he does have, he’s shared with Shouyou. The dissolution of their bond drove both his parents from the family home, leaving Tobio and his sister under the care of their grandfather. Mating was never a permanent thing for Tobio, even after he realized he wanted such a thing with Shouyou. He’d dreamed, hoped, but never dared to believe.
“It’ll be hard,” Shouyou admits. “With my dad overseas most of the time, it takes a lot of work for him and my mom to keep their bond alive. I guess I just always thought you and I were stubborn enough to make sure we didn’t end up drifting apart. But if I had to choose between you and going to Rio, I’d choose you, Tobio. I can improve some other way.”
Tobio shakes his head, pressing his face into Shouyou’s fluffy hair. As an amateur volleyball player – and an omega one at that – Shouyou’s options are more limited. It sucks, but he wasn’t getting offers to go pro out of high school like Tobio. Improvement for Shouyou lies elsewhere, beyond Japan’s borders, and Tobio trusts Shouyou’s judgment on the matter. “It’ll be good for you,” Tobio says honestly. “You’ll learn things that even I don’t know. I just… I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too, you big baby,” Shouyou insists, reaching back to cup a hand around the back of Tobio’s neck. “I’ll be so lonely I’ll want to die. So, you’ll have to answer all my Skype calls, and send me pictures of you, and mail me your old shirts.”
Tobio snorts. “Oh, yeah? Need them for a new nest?”
“Duh.” Shouyou hums, scratching his nails along the spot behind Tobio’s ear in the way he knows Tobio loves. “And I’ll leave some of mine with you so you don’t get too depressed.”
Tobio knows he’ll never live this one down. Come tomorrow, the whole Karasuno group chat will probably know that Tobio tried to give Shouyou permission to see other people while he was overseas. The alpha can already picture the concerned messages he’ll receive from their graduated seniors. “Will you leave me your sweater?”
“Not on your life.”
They spend nearly every waking minute together for the next few weeks, reaffirming their bond in all the ways they know how. And when the day comes for them to part at the airport, Tobio doesn’t feel nearly as sick as he’d been over the previous months.
It still hurts to watch Shouyou walk away, glancing over his shoulder one too many times to be casual, and Tobio is so miserable seeing him go that even Natsu takes pity on him, holding tightly to his hand as they wave Shouyou off.
When they return to the car, Tobio climbs into the back with his mate’s sister instead of sitting up front. The siblings don’t necessarily smell alike, but after years of living in the same home, they have an overlying sameness to their scents that Tobio finds comforting.
But it’s also confusing to Tobio, the scent of Shouyou so strong it’s as if he’s still in the car. Shouyou and Natsu’s mother must see the desperate confusion on Tobio’s face through the rearview mirror, as she twists around before starting the car to say, “Don’t make Tobio wait for his gift, Natsu.”
Baffled, Tobio watches as Natsu reaches over the seats and into the trunk, pulling up a bundle of baby blue fabric that makes Tobio’s heart leap in his chest. “There’s a note for you, too,” Natsu says kindly as she sets the folded sweater in Tobio’s lap. “Nii-chan was too nervous to tell you himself, so I made him write it down.”
Tobio glances down at the sticky note placed just under the sweater’s collar. It’s covered in doodled hearts and volleyballs, and it looks so much like the margins of Shouyou’s high school notebooks that Tobio’s chest tightens.
Take good care of it, Alpha. I want it to smell only of you when I come home, the note reads, and Tobio makes Natsu promise not to tell Shouyou how hard and for how long the alpha cries on the drive back to Miyagi.