Chapter Text
Tifa turned and smiled at the grumpy-faced boy trailing behind on the long walk home from school. “Come on, it's not that bad,” she said, trying to coax a better mood from him. It was almost time for comae radiances, and once again, their small town was filling with people. Cloud hated people.
He tutted and rolled his eyes. “You love all the fuss, so it doesn't bug you.”
That wasn't true. Not really. Tifa just knew how to make the best of things. Why upset other people to indulge her selfishness? Instead or replying, Tifa shrugged and gave him an even bigger smile, scrunching her nose up and giggling as she closed her eyes.
When she opened them Cloud was gone.
“Huh?” Panic fluttering in her breast, Tifa twisted around, trying to see where he'd gone. “Cloud?” She swallowed back the rising fear. “Cloud, where are you?!” She turned in a circle, but the rugged pathway was empty. There weren't even any footprints in the dust beside hers. “Cloud?!”
“You know you're too old for imaginary friends, Tifa...”
Gasping, Tifa bolted upright in her bed, clutching hands to her chest and throat, and breathing heavily. “He's not imaginary,” she whispered, as the familiar shivers began to rack her frame. “He's real. He's real.” She squeezed her eyes shut, picturing the road from her dream and seeing it for what it was. “That's Gongaga. It's not Nibelheim. It's not. It's not.” Wrapped in a cold sweat, her sheets clung to her as she tried to kick them off. She couldn't stay in the bed. She wouldn't. She felt so weak. The only thing she could do was tremble like a leaf and try to remember how to breathe right. Rolling off the bed, Tifa collapsed beside it and curled into a ball. “They lied. They lied.” She sucked in air, breathing in the faint scent of apple from cleaning products lingering on the floorboards. She had to force it away; shut out the false memories and the lies. But how could she? What was real? What wasn't? Cloud. Cloud is real. She could see him in her mind's eye, smiling at her two nights ago from his seat at the bar, watching her serving customers and fixing drinks. Every so often he'd slightly jerk his head to summon her over, and she'd go, leaning her forearms on the counter so she could get closer to him than she did with proper customers. After all, he didn't want her for a refill, but just to get her attention for a minute of affection in the midst of their busy schedules.
“You okay?” She'd tilted her head towards him and smiled. Any further words caught in her throat when Cloud put his hands over hers and slid his thumbs back and forth over the inside of her wrists. He was very good at stoking her to a fever pitch with barely any interaction. She'd begun wondering if it'd get to a point where just looking at him would melt her insides and turn her legs to mush. She wondered how she managed to go about her day when all she wanted to do was be with him. She wanted to kiss him. Pull herself further across the bar and plant one on that serious mouth, but it was busy, and she was a coward. She settled for a hot look that spoke volumes about what she wanted him to do to her and pulled her hands back.
Tifa gasped a laugh at the idea of her showing any kind of initiative. She and Cloud had done nothing in the three weeks since their first date. Nothing beyond some juvenile fumbling that always ended when she seized up in panic. Voices from her past saying she should be a good girl and not trouble them. How could she embarrass and humiliate her family, again? Why couldn't she do the right thing for once? She was such a disappointment.
Heaving a sob, Tifa hugged herself tight on the cold hard floor. Shut her stupid brain off as best she could and waited for it all to pass.
~*~*~
“Morning! Day off?” Tifa tried not to sound overly hopeful as the doors to Seventh Heaven opened and Cloud came in. Dressed in a typical outfit of loose pants, a sleeveless polo-neck and boots—all in dark shades—she smiled when he took his leather jacket off and dropped it on a chair, as he continued towards the bar.
“Yep.” He slid onto a stool and glanced at the girl Tifa had been talking to before he arrived. “Thought we could...hang out?”
Looking at her with his earnest, big kitty eyes, Tifa ducked her head shyly and replied, “I think I can get Biggs to cover for me.” She and Cloud hadn't had a proper date since their first one. His work schedule with Shinra could be annoyingly changeable, and she had exams to prep for with her course, the bar, and she was helping Avalanche out with their class action lawsuit against Shinra. Not to mention babysitting Marlene whenever Barret went out with Gwen, and helping Aerith to plan her wedding. Her friends had better social lives than she did, and it wasn't fair they were having all the fun. But, even when Cloud was free, he was exhausted. A day off usually followed a shift in a place he called “The Drum”, and it worried Tifa how much it drained him. Those days, he just wanted to stay home watching old movies. She didn't mind—in fact, she really liked the relaxed atmosphere between them those days. They'd curl up on the sofa together, eating popcorn and making silly comments at whatever was on the TV. Sometimes it couldn't hold his attention and his hands wandered. Then his mouth wandered. And they usually wound up with her under him, grinding his erection against her, making her hot and wet with desire. But, they hadn't gone any further than some light petting. Fate or Tifa's paralysing terror usually stopped things before they went anywhere significant. It was...annoying. She was starting to hate herself for not being able to do more. She wanted to do more. Ached for it. For him.
“You're doing it again,” he said, smirking.
Caught and knowing exactly what he meant—that she was looking at him like he was a whole damn banquet she wanted to gorge on—Tifa laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You look good today,” she said, like that was some kind of excuse for how she stared. She liked how he knew she had a weakness for his arms and kept wearing things that left them bare, even though she worried about him catching a cold. They were halfway through January and she swore some days Cloud acted like it was mid-summer. Although, she couldn't really say anything, since she had tight black shorts on with gold button detailing, a pair of sheer thigh-highs, her favourite red boots and a red cropped sweater to match. She'd tied her hair in a high ponytail and noted the slight disappointment on Cloud's face that she hadn't left her hair down. While he was playing up on her attraction to those well-defined arms, she'd noticed he had a minor obsession with her hair, so indulged him by leaving it loose whenever he saw her. But, she didn't think she was seeing him today, so she'd put it up.
“This your boyfriend?” The girl at the far end of the bar was watching them with a look of amusement.
Tifa laughed and gestured to Cloud. “This is Cloud. Cloud, Yuffie. She just arrived in town.” If he noted her avoiding the label, he didn't show it. Neither of them had discussed that. They just assumed they were each other's special person. And Tifa thought “boyfriend” was a silly way to describe just how much Cloud meant to her. It was way too shallow, but if she suggested something else, would he get upset? She didn't know and was too afraid to ask.
Cloud nodded in greeting, then turned back to Tifa. “Anything you wanna do?”
Lots of things. None of which necessitated leaving a bed. But, she knew that was an exercise in futility. She couldn't even find the right words to talk about it, let alone know how to approach the subject. How could she tell him that an entire town of people convinced her she made up her entire life? Her family, friends, him? They even had a convincing lie for the scar on her chest and pushed that false narrative into her head until she doubted her own memory. Only Zack had offered her truth in the face of all the lies. How could she explain in a way that wouldn't make it sound like she blamed him for not saving her? No, it was her problem, and one she'd overcome. She cared for Cloud so much. Needed him in her life. Nothing could change that, not even her own self-recrimination and doubt.
“Wow, rude.” Yuffie interrupted them, rolling her aubergine-coloured eyes and raising an eyebrow. “That your boyfriend?” she repeated to Tifa, sounding like a disapproving parent.
Tifa just laughed, then looked at Cloud to explain. “Yuffie took the empty apartment a couple of doors down from mine.” She grew hesitant, lowering her voice to a murmur. “You remember? It had that guy...?”
“The junkie,” Cloud replied, nodding.
Exhaling her annoyance—she hadn't wanted him to put it so bluntly, especially since Yuffie was now living where the guy died—she gave him a look.
Cloud shrugged and looked at her as if to say, “What's the big deal?”
Crossing her arms, she returned his stare with one that contained an entire lecture on the right way to phrase delicate subjects. Cloud responded by giving her the big kitty eyes and pouting like a little boy which made her shake her head and laugh. “Anyway,” she said, deciding to drop the subject, “Marle asked me to keep an eye on her, so here we are.”
Cloud sat back on the stool and crossed his arms. “Didn't think she was old enough to be in here. Looks younger than Evan.”
“That's Cloud's brother,” Tifa said to Yuffie, smiling at her. “Yeah, we should really stop letting minors in, but then Barret would lose a bartender.”
“Best in town, so I heard,” he replied, smirking at her.
Though she blushed, she took the compliment and wagged a teasing finger at him. “And don't you forget it!”
Chuckling under his breath, Cloud jerked his thumb at Yuffie. “So, you babysitting, or what?”
A splutter of indignation came from Yuffie as she shoved her stool back and jumped to her feet. “Now, see here, you—!” She punched the air, and blew wayward strands of her short, dark hair from her face when they got in her eyes. “You—! You—!”
“Cloud,” he supplied in an amused voice.
“Asshat!” Yuffie corrected. “You, asshat, better clean your ears out and listen up! I'm Yuffie Ki—!” She paused mid-sentence, mouth hanging open, then slammed it shut.
Tifa watched Cloud watching Yuffie, then shrugged as his gaze came to rest on her. He looked bemused, but seemed tolerant towards Yuffie, which surprised her because if there was one thing Cloud didn't do well it was first impressions.
“Want me to call a replacement in?”
The devious look on his face intrigued her enough to ask, “Who?”
“Someone who owes me a favour.” He pulled a fancy-looking cellphone from his back pocket, dialled and said, “You made me hang around like your bitch; time to pay up. Seventh Heaven; now.” He ended the call and put the phone back in his pocket. “Five minutes,” he said, looking smug.
“Hey! Hey!” Yuffie stomped her foot. “I don't need a babysitter! This is unacceptable!”
Ignoring her, because she disagreed, Tifa couldn't help laughing at the strange call, but wondered what he meant by it. “Hang around?” She leaned across the bar and gave him a confiding look.
Cloud grimaced. “Reno,” he explained. “During my goddamn lunch hour the other day.”
Sympathy coloured her tone. “Oh! Is that why you were so hungry when you came by that day?” She thought she knew which one it was. Cloud was starving and moodier than usual. Silent, grumpy, didn't say two words to anyone until after his second helping of shepherd's pie, when he apologised for his behaviour, but said he felt it was better he didn't speak until he felt more human again.
“Mmm,” he confirmed, nodding. “Bastard made me pick out a black suit from a ton of other identical black suits.”
Giggling, Tifa ignored the look he shot her that said she was a traitor for finding it funny. “Did he give you his purse to hold?” she teased, glancing up and waving as the man himself walked in. She still had mixed feelings about a Turk being in close quarters, but of the ones she knew about, Reno was more on the harmless side. She was yet to give any decent consideration to the fact Cloud—her Cloud—not only worked for the company that sent a monster to their hometown, but was also related to the head snake. If he'd been anyone else but the Cloud Strife she knew she couldn't endure it. At least, he didn't seem that happy with his work, so hopefully he'd consider a career change and leave Shinra. Not that the thought of Cloud being miserable at work made her happy. She'd rather he enjoy his job, no matter how much she hated it. She shook her head. Sometimes her thoughts made her dizzy.
“If he had, he'd be dead right now,” Cloud replied, turning in his seat. He jerked his thumb at Yuffie. “Watch the kid for an hour.”
Reno stopped dead, eyebrows hitting his hairline. “Say what? I ain't here to watch anybody but you.”
“You owe me,” Cloud said in a blunt voice that refused anything but co-operation. “Besides, I can handle myself. Dunno why you're still hanging around.”
Reno looked hurt by this. “You're a real piece of work, you know that?”
Tifa came around the bar and put her hand on Cloud's arm. “Be nice,” she said in a low voice. Reno seemed to really like Cloud, which she thought was sweet. It softened her dislike of the Turks being part of Shinra and reminded her that individuals didn't represent the company. Shinra had regular workers, who just wanted the best from life. They weren't much different to her and how she wanted to improve Seventh Heaven and Sector Seven. Leaning back, so she could look at a disgruntled Yuffie, she said, “This is Reno. He's not a bad guy. Please stay with him? I promised Marle I'd look out for you, but...” Her gaze went to Cloud. She knew she should stay with Yuffie, but she really wanted to go with him. She missed him. Missed spending real time together. They'd somehow fallen from that bubbling pre-relationship state to a muted been-together-years type situation without any of the getting-to-know each other that went in between. Not to mention, they'd skipped over the whole sex thing. She liked how solid and steady Cloud was, and how he made her feel like she knew who she was just with a look or a smile or a softly spoken word or two, but she wanted more. She wanted all of him. She just had to get past this stumbling block.
“Yeah, kid,” Reno added, grabbing Yuffie by the elbow and escorting her out of the bar behind Cloud and Tifa, “let the losers have their fun.”
“Shut up, Reno,” Cloud said, stepping back as Tifa locked the doors. “You owe me an hour.”
“Oh, well, I know what you'll be doing then.” Reno cackled.
Tifa ducked her head and fought down a blush.
“Shut up, Reno,” Cloud repeated, grabbing Tifa's hand and leading her down the steps.
Reno cupped a hand around his mouth and yelled, “See you in an hour! Make sure you use protection!”
Tifa wanted to die at the curious looks flung their way. The absolute last thing she wanted to right now was to have sex.
“Who needs it with him around killing the urge?” Cloud muttered, echoing her thoughts. He chuckled as he looked at her. “That girl, she from Wutai?”
Not expecting the abrupt subject change, it took Tifa a second to think of who he meant. “Oh, Yuffie?” She nodded. “I think so. She has the eyes...” She looked away from him, recalling the gossip about her eye colour, and how some people still viewed her with suspicion. Though most in Sector Seven accepted her explanation, the manipulation from her time in Gongaga was harder to shake off.
Demon! Succubus hellspawn! Ifrit's whore!
Gritting her teeth, Tifa squeezed her eyes shut. Lies. They lied.
“You okay?” Cloud had his hand on her shoulder, thumb rubbing back and forth slowly in a comforting caress that could just as easily become something more.
She looked at him and offered a wavering smile; the best she could manage right then. “Yeah.” His hand was so warm, despite the cold. At least he has his jacket on. She wondered if it was a macho thing to endure bad weather and act like it was a sunny day. “Hungry?” They'd left Seventh Heaven, so it wasn't like they could go back for her to cook for him—as much as she loved feeding him. Reno probably won't let Cloud run over that hour he owed. Where can we go? She shoved away the naughty voice in her ear suggesting her place.
“You think we're coming back in an hour?” he said, like he could read her mind. With a snort of suppressed amusement, Cloud retook her hand and tugged her towards the train station. “We're not coming back in an hour.”
Tifa wasn't a bit disappointed by that, and let him lead her wherever he wanted to go.
~*~*~
Where Cloud wanted to, it turned out, was the Sector One flea market. The oldest sector on the plate, Sector One was a combination of decadent building facades, rusted steelwork and crackling holographic screens that had seen better days. It was a mishmash of ideas, executed with little skill or know-how. It was Tifa's second favourite sector after Sector Three. As she and Cloud stepped out of the station, she turned to him, linking her hands behind her back and leaning forward. “I thought you were sleeping while I blathered on about this place,” she said, smiling. He'd been lying on the sofa with his head in her lap, dozing while she toyed with his spiky hair and chatted about inconsequential things to help him relax after an awful shift at work.
“I heard you.” He grimaced a little as he added a sheepish, “Mostly.”
Shaking her head and laughing, Tifa slotted her arm through his and led the way down the steps. “I think you'll love it. Little busy, so maybe not that part, but the market? It's great! You can find all sorts there, and it won't break the bank either.” She knew he had money—assumed, since he was a Shinra, kind of—but she couldn't help that budget conscious side from asserting dominance. “Something to eat?” She figured he hadn't had lunch yet, and a hungry Cloud wasn't a fun Cloud. Although, he was still nice to her, which everyone teased her about back at Seventh Heaven. Silvina especially pointed out the impossibility of Cloud being an asshole towards her when he was being a dick to others. Tifa didn't like how Silvina phrased it, but she was more conscious of how Cloud treated others compared to her, and she liked that. He was sweet and considerate, adorably awkward and sometimes devilishly sexy. The way he moved, with that loose-hipped walk and easy grace, made her heart pound so fast she worried she'd pass out. And of course, he already knew how attractive his arms were to her. Thank God he doesn't know about the voice. He'd probably laugh, but she'd die of embarrassment if Cloud found out how affected she was by him. She was glad she didn't have a phone in her apartment or else she really would be half-way to begging for phone sex from him.
“So, where first?”
“Hmm?” Tifa had been so deep in her head, she hadn't realised they arrived. “Oh, umm...” She looked at him and smiled when one side of his mouth went up a little. “Oh! I know!” She tilted her head towards a row of stalls. “Skewers.”
Walking beside Cloud while she nibbled on the piping hot chunks of meat and veg, Tifa swept her gaze over a few items here and there on stalls that caught her eye. She had no plans to buy anything for herself—usually she came to the market to get stuff for the bar—but there was no harm in looking.
“Pretty flower for the pretty lady!”
Tifa paused and looked at the hairband an elderly vendor held out to her. It was pretty, although pink wasn't her colour. The item had exotic flowers, several dangling blossoms, and a few metal bars on it. She'd never have an occasion to wear it. Still, she reached out, wanting it all the same, then withdrew her hand and shook her head. “No, thank you.” She turned away to see Cloud watching her with a curious expression. “What?”
“Nothing,” he replied, shaking his head for emphasis. They walked along a little further, then he asked in a halting voice, “Do you...ever buy anything for yourself?”
Tifa shrugged. “Sure. Sometimes.” Not really. No. She blinked rapidly to dispel the awkward feeling squeezing her lungs tight. “Who has time for silly things, right?” she said, forcing a casual tone she didn't believe and doubted Cloud would either.
His gaze slid to the side for a moment, then back to her. “Nothing you want is pointless, if you want it.”
Though it was laced with an awkward undertone, her laugh was soft and amused. “You're so mature, Cloud.” She stepped closer to him and added in a teasing lilt, “Teach me your ways, Master.”
Cloud scoffed and shook his head. “If I am, it's because of you.”
Tifa's mouth fell open a little in surprise, and she blushed. His praise always left her unbalanced. “Cloud...”
Stepping closer, Cloud raised a hand to cup her jaw, while his thumb wiped the corner of her mouth. “You have sauce...” he murmured, staring at her until his baby blue eyes darkened with unspoken desire.
A fit of madness overtaking her, Tifa could feel hear heart thudding in her ears as he traced a slow line over her lips. She parted them and gently bit down, then flicked her tongue over the fleshy pad before releasing him. Cloud swallowed hard and Tifa wanted to giggle. She didn't think she'd ever truly accept how much he wanted her. Maybe that was why she could muster the courage to do such things every so often. She believed Cloud would reject her, as she was told everyone should, so if she threw herself at him it didn't matter. But then, when he didn't; when he took her in his arms and did wildly erotic things with his mouth and hands, it contradicted all the manipulating words in her head. She couldn't resolve the two sides, and it sent her into a panic. But, Cloud was there through those, too. When he could be. He held and comforted her. Murmured how it was all right and he wouldn't leave her alone.
Tifa slid her arms around Cloud's waist and laid her head against his shoulder. “Thank you,” she murmured, feeling his confusion. As much as he thought he could read her mind all the time, it was only sometimes he knew what she was thinking. “I'm glad we found each other again.”
One of his arms came around her shoulders, while the other caressed the hair at the nape of her neck. “No problem,” he replied in a low voice, in a typical display of awkwardness that she found adorable. He cleared his throat and added, “You'll always have me.”
She nodded, knowing this was true. Nothing and no one would keep Cloud from her. Not shitty schedules, Turks, Shinra or even ghosts from the past.
Feeling happier in herself, Tifa swiftly kissed Cloud on the mouth, then laughed at his look of surprise. “Should we keep looking around or...?”
“My place,” he replied, in a way that said he had one thing in mind.
Tifa's apprehension rose to claw at her insides, but the way Cloud stared at her sent heat flaring to burn it away to nothing. She took the hand he held out for her, saying, “Okay.”
~*~*~
Feeling him press into her from behind as he reached past her to unlock his front door, Tifa bit her lip as she wiggled back and forth against Cloud's growing erection. She knew what she was agreeing to when he asked her back to his place, although the offer became more obvious during the train ride home when Cloud pulled her tight against him and he undid some of the buttons on her coat and slid his hand in. His fingers were chilled from the cold and made Tifa jerk and suck in a breath when they touched her warm skin. He traced little patterns over her exposed stomach that tickled and made her press her face to his chest to hide her blushes. She put her hands on his waist and gripped the hem of his jacket, feeling the ice cold leather bite into her palms until it began to warm. More than that, she could feel him growing excited and hear his breathing speed up. She thought it was a lucky thing the Sector One train to Sector Seven only took ten minutes, or they might be in trouble.
Cloud kissed her neck, nuzzling and humming as he undid her coat by touch alone. The second he got her buttons open, his hands were sliding around her bare waist and up to slip the coat from her shoulders. He pulled it from between them and hung it over the post at the bottom of the stairs, where his joined it straight after.
Tifa wanted to let go of herself, to feel more in the moment, but she couldn't help the nerves that sprang up and multiplied. The questions. Are you ready for this? Do you really want to? Today? Now? What if it hurts? What if he doesn't enjoy himself? What if you disappoint him?
Tifa pulled away, feeling like she was observing from outside her body as she moved towards the stairs and walked up, trying to make herself mindless. Be in the moment. She wanted Cloud. That wasn't something she had to force. The way he made her feel was real. The heat warming her through and making every step a struggle when all she wanted to do was sink down right where she was and pull him into her? Real. So, why couldn't she just—? Glancing back and pasting a smile on her face, Tifa tried to pull a coquettish look as she beckoned him to his bedroom. Cloud's gaze was predatory—hungry—and she tried to focus on that instead of her own pathetic feelings.
The bedroom door shut with a muted click and Tifa kept her back to Cloud as she heard his approach. His boots thudded on the wooden floor and then he was behind her again, repeating the same gesture from downstairs of wrapping her in his arms and nuzzling at her neck and the soft spot behind her ear. She could feel him pressing into her, slowly thrusting back and forth. The hum that came from her at this was low and breathy. “Cloud...” She didn't know what to do. Should she put her hands on him? Kiss him back? She was hot and cold and unsure and dizzy for him. She felt like one of those floats fishermen used, bobbing up and down from surface to depths. She liked his touch. What if she touched him wrong? She wanted a kiss. What if he didn't? Should she take off her clothes? His clothes? Her skin prickled with irritation and unspent desire. She delayed the moment so often it stood looming like a monster too impossible to slay. It was no good; she was too worked up in the wrong way. “Cloud?” She tried to bite back a sob. She was so frustrated with herself. Her whole body was shuddering with need and yet there was still this stupid reluctant part of her that wanted to hide away from him.
Cloud stopped and sighed, his breath hot on her shoulder. He gave her one more quick kiss against the side of her neck, then withdrew and moved to sit on the bed. “It's okay.”
It clearly wasn't. She could tell by his voice and the way he yanked his boots off so he could move further up the bed and get comfortable. Her eyes widened at the sight of his dick pushing against his pants still, then she turned her head away, cheeks burning along with the rest of her. She could have him. At any moment she wanted. He was that ready for her. She was no different. She could feel the response he'd raised with just a few kisses and light touches. She felt very uncomfortable. It was the least she deserved for constantly teasing him with no release. “I'm sorry,” she said, hanging her head. “I could—maybe, I could...you know...because I keep...stopping...”
“Hmm?”
Tifa glanced at him and saw he was sitting with one leg bent up and his elbow resting on it. The look on his face was a mix of surprise and disapproval.
“Tifa, this isn't a—” He blew out an annoyed breath and tried again. “You don't owe me. We're not in some transactional relationship where you have to satisfy me even when you're not interested. Yeah, I'm little pissed, but it's okay. I'm not mad at you.”
She didn't understand. How could he not be mad at her? Her eyes grew misty, and her lower lip jutted as she fought against crying. She bit back more apologies, knowing he didn't like hearing them from her, that he said she didn't need to feel guilty for being herself. I'm so lucky. Why can't I just—? She tried not to hate herself.
“Zack.”
Tifa turned then, putting her head to one side and asking, “What about him?”
“Told me I'd wanna punch him after you tell me about Gongaga.” He gave her an entreating look and gestured for her to sit with him. “I'm trying not to guess, but it's kinda hard not to imagine the worst.”
Tifa went and perched on the side of the bed, close but not touching him. “I see. Hmm.” She tried to smile but couldn't. “I guess...yeah, you might. I can't...I'm sorry, but it's not—” She shook her head sadly.
Nodding, as though he'd expected this response already, Cloud held his arm out to the side, inviting her in. “Mm, so...whatever you want—however far you want to go, that's fine by me.”
Despite the tension from the past few minutes and the fact that, yet again, she turned him down, Tifa found herself kicking her boots off and crawling on the bed to sit with him. Cloud adjusted their positions so she was half-lying in his arms on her side. She could feel his thigh against her buttock and his dick pressed against her leg. Her heart sped up, then settled again when he didn't do anything and nothing happened.
“I get it. You still can't... So, don't worry. I'll wait. Just...” He dipped his head close to hers and pressed his lips to her cheek. “Don't shut me out, okay? Talk to me. At least when you change your mind. I can handle hearing no.”
Cloud was too good for her. She knew that. He was so kind and understanding. He knew her needs better than she did. She wrapped her arms around his waist and nodded. “I'm sorry,” she mumbled, trying not to cry. She was sorry. Sorry for not being the Tifa he deserved. The one he knew when they were kids. The who boldly asked him to come save her when she was in trouble. That Tifa, though shy, wasn't afraid of him and how she hoped he might feel about her.
“Quit acting like you're unloveable,” he muttered into her hair. “You're Tifa goddamn Lockhart.”
That made her chuckle. “That's stupid.” She hadn't been called by her real name for years, and it warmed her heart that Cloud still thought of her as that Tifa.
“You'll see,” was he replied, rubbing his cheek against her head. “Talk to me.”
“Hmm?” Frowning softly, she could hear sleepiness edging into Cloud's voice. Did he have a tough shift yesterday? He put himself out for me today and he's so tired. She was the least considerate person ever.
“I didn't see you yesterday; talk to me,” he said insistently. “What d'you do?”
At least this was something she could do without seizing up. She chatted away in a low voice, her tone soothing and pleasant, talking about the nothing special details of her day. She felt Cloud's arms relax around her about the same time as she started feeling her own eyelids drooping.
Tifa woke slowly, disoriented for a moment as she looked around at the plain walls and comforter. Cloud's alarm clock sat on the bedside table, as she lifted her head a little and saw it was just after four pm. Oh, I forgot to ask Biggs to cover my shift. I should get up. She didn't move. She lay within Cloud's arms still, and realised they'd shuffled closer together while napping, their bodies perfectly aligning in sleep. Though she was still mostly turned to the side, she could feel a burgeoning erection pressing into her hip. She angled her head up. Cloud was asleep. He looked younger and more vulnerable this way. The tension that made him appear older than his years gone. This was the boy she knew in Nibelheim. The one who wore a faint scowl no matter who talked to him—except me. He never scowled at me. Would it be okay to kiss him? Like this? Wasn't it unfair? If he were awake, she'd never think of it. Even when they lay together, kissing and fondling on his couch, she never took the initiative. She always remained passive and let him move her hands to where he wanted her touch most. She was a terrible partner. But, like this, she didn't feel so burdened by crippling doubt and anxiety that he'd think she was something she wasn't, or doing something she shouldn't. Tifa lay her hand on his chest. She could feel hard-packed muscles under her palm, honed from weeks of training and then more training. She loved how physical Cloud was; it was one of their shared interests, and she wished they could work out together more. He pushed her to be her best. She hoped she did likewise for him. She slid her hand downward, enjoying the ridges and dips until she reached the waistband of his trousers, where she eased his top up and slipped her hand in to feel him skin-to-skin. Cloud had an athletic build, all lean and densely packed with not an ounce of excessive fat on him. He had grace when he moved—like a dancer, she teased the other day, to which he replied he didn't dance—and she thought she loved the contours of his waist almost as much as his arms.
Tifa stirred at the sensation of being touched. Her eyes widened with surprise. It wasn't between her legs, but the seam between her thigh and hip. It felt sexual, but wasn't. It was arousing without satisfying. The measured rhythm and just right amount of pressure had her sighing with pleasure and wanting more. She grew heady with lust and wiggled, feeling his interest grow.
Cloud pressed open-mouthed kisses against her throat, his tongue flicking against her skin. “Mmm...Tifa.”
Her pulse thudded hard as he thrust, tiny movements that betrayed how he was just barely awake, still mostly captured by sleep. She could feel herself growing wetter by the second. The way he licked her throat; she wanted him to lick somewhere else. Denied herself that fantasy for weeks because of her incapability of going further in reality. He was barely awake. He wouldn't think she was slutty for this, would he? That she was doing the wrong thing? She just wanted him so much. She was weak for want of him. It overrode all her common sense. All her doubt. All her fear. I need you.
Tifa's hand wound its way towards Cloud's lap, as she wiggled some more and he growled low in his throat. She eased his belt open with a whisper of leather against metal. Her heart pulsed in her chest. She realised she wanted to do this more than she wanted him to touch her. It was a revelation. I need this. I need this. Her hand shook as she fumbled to get the button on his pants undone without him startling awake. She knew if he did, she'd lose all her courage. She already shook like a leaf, was breathing hard, trying to stave off the panic waiting at the edge of her psyche to pounce and ruin everything. She'd question the moral implication of what she was up to when she was alone with her conscience later.
The zipper sliding down sounded unbearably loud to her ears. She held her breath as Cloud continued to suck and nuzzle at her neck, swallowing back her whimpers, frowning heavily as she listened to the pounding beat of her heart that echoed the one between her legs. Oh, God, Cloud...Cloud, please... He'd grown very distracting. Tifa had to stop while she lost herself to his touch. The way his fingers rubbed, growing closer to her mound, but still not where they could do anything that mattered. She shifted from side to side, making room for her hand to delve into his pants, but also making herself more frustrated because nothing she did eased the ache, either. I need—I want— She tried to stifle her panting breaths, but it was too much. She parted her lips and gasped as quietly as she could. She could tell the moment Cloud woke up properly because he inhaled sharply and stilled. Tifa's heart beat so fast in her chest she thought she'd pass out. In her left hand, she had Cloud Strife's throbbing, rigid dick. It was hot and hard and bigger than she presumed from feeling him rubbing her against her all those times. A dart of fear went through her, wondering how he'd ever fit inside her. Then, she felt a rush of warmth after that she wanted him inside her. That how was where her mind went instead of to how to refuse. She heard him swallow.
“Tifa?”
She gave him a few experimental strokes and heard a soft groan. A smile tugged at her lips as she repeated the action, then Cloud's hand came down over hers.
“I-I told you,” he began in an unsteady and breathless voice, “you don't owe me.”
“I want to,” she replied in a heady rush of desire that almost stole her breath. “Please, let me?” An attack of shyness had her hiding her face against his chest as she whispered, “Please, Cloud? I need you.” She expected him to refuse. To pull her hand away, do his pants up and act like he wasn't desperately needing the same relief she was. She rubbed her thighs together and bit her lip, waiting for his permission to finish what she started.
The button on her shorts came undone, and she felt a quick tug as Cloud shoved his hand past them and her lace panties and cupped her. His palm felt like a fiery brand, but still not as hot as she already was. The intrusion shocking, a hushed squeal slipped past her parted lips.
“Goddamn it...”
The hunger in his voice, the awe, silenced even the smallest hint of terror in her. She never heard him sound like that before. She liked it. She slid her hand up and down and buried a smile against him as he groaned.
“Shit, Tifa?”
Tifa whimpered when Cloud parted her folds with a finger and started rubbing with slow deliberation. He'd touched her before over her panties, but this was a whole different level of sensation. She shut her eyes, shifting and fidgeting as he played and teased, kept her leg pinned over his with his other hand. It reminded her of how he'd learned what she wanted from his kisses. All she could do was hold on to him and try to return like for like, listening to the sound of his heart thudding in her ear and the way his moans echoed whenever she did something that made him jerk and twitch with delight. She rubbed her other hand flat against his side, over his ribs, up and down, curling her fingers around the underside of his bicep to grip and clutch when his touch threatened to make her bite through her lip it felt so good.
“Tifa? Tifa?” He nuzzled her cheek with his nose, and she turned her head towards him, leaning into the carnal, open-mouthed kiss he planted on her. There was no slow build up, or teasing her lips apart. This was a straight meeting of tongues, tasting each other's excitement, breaths and desire.
She could hear herself whimpering. Moans growing louder as they both stroked each other towards completion. As much as Tifa needed to give Cloud pleasure, she was the one climbing higher, faster first. The ache rising, cresting, building until all it took was one last touch, and she broke against him, gasping his name and struggling to hold on to enough sense to bring him to the same peak, as she bucked and rocked against his hand drawing layer upon layer of pleasure from her. A firm grip closed over hers, tugging and pulling with more finesse than she showed and then she felt him spilling against her hand, a flash of heat branding her fingers, as Cloud muffled his voice against her neck, speaking her name directly on her skin, until the only sounds remaining were their panting breaths.
Tifa still held Cloud's softening dick in her hand—and his hand was still in her pants lingering in the moist, wet heat he'd caused—when he cleared his throat and said in a low and wry tone, “Some wake up call.”
She couldn't help it. She started laughing. Rubbed her face against the soft fabric of his turtle-neck, which had mostly ridden up to display taut and lightly perspiring flesh, and tried not to let embarrassment ruin the moment. “God, Cloud, that was—!” She mewled when his fingers slid against her as he withdrew his hand. “Ah!” Too much. She pressed her legs together and bit her lip. This was nothing like the sad little vanilla orgasms she gave herself. It seemed Cloud Strife was a whole different flavour of fun she'd never come across before. If just a couple of fingers could make her feel like that, then what else could he do? He was nuzzling into her neck again. It seemed like the thing he liked doing the most. Not that she was complaining. It felt so good when he did. Like a shelter and a desire all at once. It comforted her and turned her on.
“You okay?” he murmured against her throat. “I, uh, might have left a mark.”
About to agree with him, when he touched damp fingers to a spot on her neck she realised that not only were his fingers wet from her, but he'd also given her a hickey—probably more than one with the way he'd been suckling her. She finally let go of him, pleased by her own reluctance to do so, and put her fingers over his. “Oh. I don't care.” She was so happy and replete at this moment, she wouldn't have cared if he left a hundred marks on her. What she did want was another kiss, and for now, she didn't feel shy about seeking out his mouth for one. She put her hand to his cheek and smiled at his surprise as her lips teased his apart and she hummed with pleasure.
Cloud's hand moved to her arm and trailed fingers down her fluffy red sweater before transferring to her bare waist. His other hand remained on her leg, rubbing back and forth along her stockings.
Someone rang the front door, but Tifa didn't care. Cloud didn't care. Unfortunately, it seemed Evan cared, because he answered it.
“Err, hang on, I'll check. I mean their coats are here, but, who knows? You know? Cloud?! Tifa?! You in?!”
Cloud broke away and, with brimming affection in his eyes, rubbed his nose against Tifa's. “I dunno, are we in?”
The way he looked at her was almost too much. She knew it would take just one word from her, and they'd be naked and moving further along. But, that little voice was back, nagging that she'd ruin it if she kept going. And it felt awkward knowing Evan was home now—who knew what he heard already? “Hmm,” she replied, her smile small as her nod.
Cloud drew in a deep breath, then let it out. “Okay.” He kissed her again—a lingering, but closed-mouthed one—then acted like it wasn't an awkward affair, as he eased Tifa from between his legs and got up, holding onto his pants with one hand, and walked into his ensuite to clean up.
Which reminded Tifa she was feeling very squelchy down below, if satisfied. And she still had Cloud's semen on her hand. Which almost ended up on her face when she went to put her hand over her eyes as embarrassment surged with renewed energy. As Cloud went to go see what his little brother wanted, Tifa couldn't help but giggle quietly to herself in the darkened bedroom before getting up to copy him by going into the bathroom and tidy herself up.