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“So you like parish life then do you Dougal?”
“Oh yes Ted, it's grand, they're even letting me have a part in the nativity play this year. I was never allowed back on Craggy Island.”
Ted stared at Dougal's innocent smiling face. When the Bishop Brennan had said he was sending Dougal back into parish ministry he'd assumed it wouldn't last a week before Dougal was back where he belonged but here they were, 3 months later, and he seemed to be thriving. Ted wasn't jealous that Dougal had been given a parish whilst he was stuck on Craggy Island but he was suspicious. That was it, just suspicious. After all Bishop Brennan had barely been able to get the words out to tell Dougal about his new posting before he'd had to suddenly leave, wringing his hands.
“And what part would that be then Dougal?”
“The narrator. I'm going to read the story as the children act. It's a pity you can't stay to see it Ted.”
“Well you know I have to be back for our own Christmas services and then there's Father Jack to be thinking of.”
“Ah yes, how is Father Jack? I thought he might be coming over with you for the Christmas shopping, Mrs Doyle called and said it was all of you.”
“Yes well Father Jack had another of his little accidents with the whisky and a cigar and Mrs Doyle's hair and so she's not come out of the kitchen in a week.”
Dougal nodded, taking the disaster as a natural occurrence. Which of course it was, thought Ted, which is why this calm and happy Dougal in a tidy vicarage looking forward to Christmas seemed so strange.
“And the services are going well are they? No repeat of that incident with the funeral and the cows.”
“No Ted. There aren't any cows in the town so I'll be fine.”
Ted nodded, still looking confused.
“It's all be grand. I don't know why you make such a fuss it's all very easy this parish priest thing. I stand there and read what they tell me and everyone seems very happy. To tell you the truth it's not the most exciting of times but then I can come home and watch the TV and I have control of the remote.”
Dougal sent Ted a defiant glare followed by a slightly more nervous one.
“Though of course now your here Father you'll get to choose.”
Ted nodded and looked around the room again. When he'd arrived Dougal had taken him around the house and shown him his bed and the living room with its TV and then into the kitchen where there was tea and biscuits all laid out.
A thought occurred to him.
“When you say you read what they tell you Dougal, would that be the Bishop then?”
“Oh no Ted, it's Mrs O'Leary that gives me the words to read. She's always got everything ready for me.”
“Mrs O'Leary? She's the one who left out the tea?”
“Oh no that was Mrs O'Brien, Mrs O'Leary isn't allowed in the vicarage at all.”
Dougal shook his head looking slightly nervous for the first time.
“Mrs O'Leary does the flowers at St Brigid's. And the silver polishing. And she washes the linens.”
“And sorts out the words for you?”
Dougal nodded looking relieved.
“That's right Ted. If I'd known it was just reading I'm sure I could have tried it a long time ago.”
“Ah well no Dougal, it's a little bit more than just reading.”
“That's what I thought Ted but Mrs O'Leary said to just stick to the words she's written down is best.”
“And do you ever talk to your parishoners then Dougal?”
“Ah no, Mrs O'Brien sees to all the people who call. I think she knows about the...”
Dougal paused and looked around the room as if someone might be listening.
“... the nuns. She was a bit upset when I told the church warden not be bothering with the bible as it's so long and he'd be better reading Harry Potter and after that she took the calls.”
Ted took another mouthful fo tea.
“So let me get this right Dougal. You are the parish priest of St Brigid's but you read what Mrs O'Leary gives you to read in church and your Mrs O'Brien talks to all your callers? Do you not think there's something wrong there?”
“Oh of course that's not all Ted! I go and help Mrs Murphy at the school too, she's the one who said I could read in the nativity story.”
“And she tells you what to read to the children too I imagine?”
“Oh yes Ted, she's very good at that.”
“Don't you want to make any decisions for yourself Dougal?”
Dougal looked at Ted blankly.
“And why would I want to do a thing like that Ted. They've been here much longer as Mrs O'Brien says and the Bishop did tell me I'd find lots of helpers.”
“Lots of helpers? Tell me Dougal, do you know what happened to your predecessor?”
“And who would that be then Ted?”
“The priest before you, Father Mark wasn't it?”
Dougal looked around the room again as if expecting a spy to be watching from beind the curtains closed against the Irish winter.
“Ah now you don't want to be asking quesitons like that now Ted.”
“I think I do though Dougal. I'm sure Mrs Doyle would like to know and you wouldn't want to disappoint her.”
Dougal's hand slipped and his tea cup rattled in the saucer.
“Oh no.I mean of course not. But I don't think they'd.... Mrs Murphy says it's best not to ask.”
“And you do everything Mrs Murphy, Mrs O'Brien and Mrs O'Leary ask do you then Dougal? Just exactly what they tell you?”
“Well Ted....”
Dougal trailed off and stared at his tea cup for a moment before jumping up and checking all the doors and windows were shut. When he was sure he stood in front of Ted bouncing on his heels with a determined look in his eyes Ted hadn't seen since the incident at the May Fair.
“To tell you the truth I think there might have been a bit of a fight. Mrs O'Brien said Father Mark didn't know what proper behaviour was and Mrs O'Leary said Mrs O'Brien and Mrs Murphy had put him up to it only I don't know what they put him up to and Mrs Murphy said his ideas clearly came from someone else.
Placing his teacup down on the table Ted stood up and looked at Dougal. He was beginning to see exactly why Bishop Brennan had chosen Dougal for this parish. And he remembered hearing the gossip about a priest who'd had a breakdown and was quite unable to talk to any middle aged women anymore and he'd had to be sent to stay with some monks. Dougal was sometimes like water, if you could direct him where you wanted everything went well and these ladies seemed to be doing very well but Ted knew with the right boulder in his path everything could change.
“It sounds to me like your ideas are all coming from someone else at the moment too Dougal. Don't you think as priest you should be choosing what to say not them?”
“Ah no Ted I couldn't do that.”
“Who did the Bishop put in charge here Dougal? It sounds as if maybe you need to do a bit of choosing of your own if what they're telling you isn't exciting.”
“Well you could be right there Ted. My part in the nativity play is very dull. In the beginning was the Word... I think the children will all fall asleep when they listen. I had to try three times before I read it through.”
“Well then. It sounds like something you should definitely liven up.”
Dougal's eyes flashed to the side of his TV where Ted could see a pile of Doctor Who DVDs.
“I could tell them a story I liked couldn't I Ted?”
“I think you could Dougal. Now come on, let's take these cups through and then go up to bed. It's late and I want to see your church tomorrow.”
“Alright then Ted, as you say.”
Ted smiled to himself. Despite Mrs Doyle & Father Jack's best efforts Craggy Island had been altogether too quiet since Dougal had left. The Bishop Brennan must have been desperate to land on Dougal and Ted still hadn't quite forgiven him for not choosing Ted himself for this parish but the congregation seemed to be guarded by three dragons.
Still. He was pretty sure with a bit of encouragement Dougal would be back to his old self and they'd all be back on Craggy Island in time for Easter. He was pretty sure Father Dougal would give St Brigid's a Christmas nativity play they'd never forget.