Work Text:
Popular culture tells Ally that courting involves restaurants, flowers, chocolate.
Colin either doesn't pay attention to the norms or actively works against them, which is why Ally finds herself gifted with burrito banquets, basketball tickets and an epic afternoon shooting the hell out of each other with paintball guns.
At home, they marathon sports and terrible made-for-tv action movies and spend so many hours learning all the ways to kiss each other that Ally thinks she's building up the muscles in her face.
Despite his rep of being all about getting off and getting out, Colin's hands stay on her shoulders, her arms, her waist, and occasionally, her ass. Their clothing stays on, and most nights, Colin retreats to his own apartment with a final, devastating kiss, a wicked smile, and an obvious erection.
It's confusing and dizzying and hot and so frustrating that Ally's worn out two sets of batteries in her vibrator already.
*
“I think he's wooing me,” Ally says, her brow creasing.
“You think?” Daisy asks.
Daisy is still on her honeymoon. She's on a beach somewhere with a mocktail and a romance novel, watching her husband fall off a surfboard. Ally hates the beach, but she's pretty sure Daisy's got it easier at this point. Daisy's life, post-wedding, is relatively uncomplicated. I mean sure, there's the whole impending baby thing, but babies do tend to come about on a predictable schedule.
There is nothing predictable about Colin, she's discovering.
“I haven't seen his penis in two weeks,” Ally says. “At all.”
“Mr Naturist is keeping his clothes on?” Daisy asks, sounding concerned. “I thought you were dating?”
“We are,” Ally says, though it comes out far from certain.
*
Colin writes a song for Ally and sticks the video of it up on his band's Youtube channel. He performs shirtless, but somehow, it's his thighs that capture her attention most of all.
Ally finds out about it because her Dad puts the link to it on her Facebook wall, which is all kinds of awkward, given the thoughts she's having about those thighs about five seconds after clicking on it.
That night, she starts making out with Colin with a pretty clear purpose. Her legs wrapped around those thighs, losing the clothing, then fucking him till he screams.
Instead, she gets distracted pretty early on and though they reach the bed and Colin's hands end up on her ass, the making out alone is so good it continues on until her lips are puffy and her clit is throbbing. They fall asleep at some point, still touching, still kissing, and Ally wakes to mid-morning light and the smell of bacon frying in her kitchen.
*
“I think this is hell,” Ally declares, poking at her croissandwich.
“It's called being fifteen,” Daisy says, devouring her own in ravenous bites. “You skipped it and went straight to having terrible sex with douchebags.”
“I just want to climb him like a tree. Or bite him, or something,” Ally says morosely.
“Then do it,” Daisy says. The last of her milkshake disappears with a loud slurp.
“But it's fucking amazing, too,” Ally concedes.
“It's not fucking at all, that's the point. It's groping each other until your eyes cross and you're so hormonal you can't string a sentence together. Next thing you'll be moving back in with Mom so that you can add the risk of getting caught into the mix,” Daisy says, distinctly unimpressed.
Ally shudders and tries not to think too hard about the frisson of excitement that shivers through her at the thought.
“Are you going to eat that?” Daisy asks, eyeing Ally's neglected croissandwich covetously.
Ally rolls her eyes and hands it over.
*
Colin discovers Ally's teenage thing for Patrick Swayze because he's physically incapable of not poking through other people's stuff.
Rather than getting angry at the invasion of privacy and barring all privileges to her body, naturally, they wind up watching a marathon of Patrick Swayze movies back to back with greasy pizza and a cheap six-pack of beer.
Watching is kind of the wrong word, Ally thinks, for a heavy make out session with a cinematic soundtrack.
She's straddling Colin's lap, because that's obviously the best place to be, sitting on his thighs with his hands large and firm on her waist and his tongue in her mouth. It's all too hot, too close, too rubbed raw feeling with want, and she knows she's not imagining the little twitches of his hips beneath her, the ragged in-out of his breath.
She bites his lip and his hips rise in what's more like a shove. The hard bulge of his erection bumps her clit and shocks a little sound out of her, a high whimper, and underneath her, he actually trembles.
“Yes,” she hisses.
Colin's hands slip to her hips, hold them in place. His eyes are wide, black, too-close, and he's panting as he rolls his own hips up in a long, slow grind.
Ally moans and they're kissing again, sharp and desperate, their bodies rocking in a familiar rhythm.
“Oh, fuck,” Ally squeaks, suddenly aware that she's right on the edge, already toppling over after two minutes of rubbing off against each other while the Righteous Brothers croon in the background.
Colin's hands clamp tight and he pushes up hard, groaning. His dick twitches against her as she gives in to temptation and bites his neck while she comes.
When the world rights itself, they're still fully dressed, sticky and sweaty, and Ally honestly thinks it's the hardest she's come in her life.
“Oh, Baby,” Colin purrs in her ear, voice rough from crying out.
Ally slugs him in the arm.
*
“It's been a month,” Ally complains, looking at the black-and-white blob on the monitor.
She's Daisy's designated hand-holder at this appointment, because her husband is out of town and Daisy had insisted that if she had to go with their mom, there would be homicide. Ally knows there's some kind of bullshit going on between them, but since Ally has never spawned, her advice and interventions have been completely disregarded.
“Maybe when you get pregnant, you'll understand,” Ally has heard from both parties.
Ally fails to see how that'll ever happen, since a) she's not planning on getting pregnant, well, ever, after seeing what it's doing to Daisy, and b) for her to get pregnant, she'd need to actually be getting friendly with parts that have so far stayed distressingly covered.
“God, Ally, just give him a hand job or something,” Daisy grumps. “I'm looking at my future child here. Pass me the tissues.”
Ally does and Daisy blows her nose noisily.
*
I think I've actually forgotten what your penis looks like, Ally texts.
There's a knock on her door twenty seconds later. Colin's wearing clothing but his eyes are sparkling and there's a flush on his cheeks that Ally's become familiar with over the past month.
“You needed to see me?” Colin asks, a teasing grin twisting his lips.
“I wouldn't call it a need,” Ally replies but her eyes wander over his body as he steps inside.
“What would you call it, then?” he asks.
“Curiosity,” she says. “It's been so fucking long, I'm wondering if it still exists.”
“You just want a look?” Colin asks. “You strike me as more the hands-on type.”
Ally hesitates and Colin's smile turns from teasing to affectionate.
“Whatever you want,” he says, stepping into Ally's space.
“And what about what you want?” she asks.
“If you think I don't want to teach you exactly how I like to be touched, you're fucking crazy,” Colin says. “This is in, like, the top five of my go-to spank-fantasies, right now.”
They wind up on the bed, side by side, Colin's jeans open and tugged down to his thighs and his shirt unbuttoned from neck to navel. Ally's hand, slick with a little lube, is being guided by Colin's to squeeze and twist and stroke just right.
Colin's face and chest are flushed, he's gasping for every breath, and he doesn't take his eyes off Ally for a second until he comes all over their hands and his own stomach.
They're kissing before he's even stopped shaking and his left hand is petting at her waist.
“Can I, please, I want to,” he pants between kisses.
Ally nods. He pops her button and zip but then he just slides his hand right on down into her panties.
“Oh, fuck, you're so wet,” he groans, fingertip flicking at her clit mercilessly. “If I could move, I'd be eating you out right now, you know that? Hey, you should ride my face next time.”
Ally's orgasm tears through her like a hurricane and when she screams, Colin moans in sympathy.
*
They've started having orgasms together fairly regularly now, which is awesome and has in one way relieved a lot of the tension but in another has made it so much worse.
Ally thinks, oh, this time will be the time he rips all my clothes off and fucks me through the bed, and then they end up sweaty and sated and still without having done the deed.
“I'm down to these, I think,” Daisy says and Ally looks down at pictures of two equally hideous pastel monstrosities for the baby shower.
“Great!” Ally says, pasting on a smile.
“Are you okay?” Daisy asks, her brow furrowing.
Ally opens her mouth to talk about how wonderful Colin is, how wonderful all the not-sex they're having is, and how much it's screwing with her head. Then she remembers that with all the pregnancy hormones turning her brain into soup, Daisy is on a hair-trigger for rage or hysterical tears these days (sometimes both) to a degree that makes the pre-wedding jitters look positively balanced and calm.
“Fine!” Ally chirps. “So, are we tasting cake, now?”
*
“Do you ever think we're never going to have sex?” Ally asks.
Colin looks up from where he's been sucking on her nipples with a single-minded focus for a good twenty minutes.
“Ally,” Colin says, looking down at her. “We've been having sex for two months.”
Ally rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean, asshole. Real sex.”
Colin's mouth actually folds down a little at the corners. “You actually believe that bullshit about it not counting unless my penis ends up in your vagina?”
“Don't you?”
“No,” Colin says simply.
“But it totally doesn't,” Ally insists.
“What about lesbians?” Colin asks abruptly.
“Huh?”
“Lesbians. Unless they're born with one, lesbians don't have a penis. Are you saying they don't have sex?”
“I never really thought about it,” Ally admits.
“I did. Because well, lesbians. But also because this bassist I used to jam with had a girlfriend. We got drunk together once and I asked her about strap-ons. She told me she wouldn't know, because they didn't do penetration. It just wasn't their thing. So, by the heteronormative standard, they never had sex, when in reality, they had a lot. So, do you think what they did counted?”
“I guess,” Ally says.
“So what we do counts,” Colin concludes.
“But we're not lesbians,” Ally points out.
“Penetration is either the defining standard or it isn't,” Colin says.
“Do you have any idea how high my number would be if everything counted?” Ally demands.
“Do you have any idea how low mine would be if everything didn't?” Colin counters. “I'd have to knock half off right away.”
“Do you want your dick in me or not?” Ally asks.
Colin laughs. “I absolutely want my dick in you. Probably about the same amount as I want your dick in me.”
Ally blinks.
“Don't look so shocked, I know you've got a vibrator in that drawer. Five speeds, very nice,” Colin says.
Ally smacks him on the arm.
“I'm serious. You don't think I'm serious?” Colin asks.
“They told me you'd be wanting to try the butt stuff,” Ally says.
Colin laughs again. “Well, they've got me. You fucking me with that thing? It's high up there on the list.”
“I don't know how to do that,” Ally admits.
“Well, after thirty years on earth, let it be known that I am not a stranger to my own ass. I can talk you through it,” Colin says.
Ally pushes on Colin's shoulder and he goes over easy, flops down on his back beside her with his hands up on the pillow and his legs spread. Ally lets her gaze wander from Colin's bright eyes and swollen lips to the firm outline of his erection through his boxers. As she watches, it twitches just a little, and Colin's breath stutters.
“This is so fucking weird,” Ally says
Colin grins. “You like fucking weird. Now, you'd better have plenty of lube, or we're going to have to go to the drug store first.”
“I've got enough,” Ally says.
“You sure? Show me the bottle,” Colin says.
“Would you trust me? I've got plenty,” Ally says.
“I trust the guy who puts stuff in his own ass over the girl who's only read about it in Cosmo,” Colin says.
Ally slaps Colin's thigh. It's light and certainly not painful but echoes loudly in the room. Colin's gasp and the way he shivers a little makes them both pause for a second.
“Okay, I trust you,” Colin says, his voice breathy.
“Are we going to talk about the spanking thing?” Ally asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Later,” Colin says, his grin a little wild. “Unless you'd rather do that than fuck me.”
“I thought you said it all counted,” Ally says.
“It does,” Colin says. “Ladies' choice. You can spank me until I come all over myself or finger me until I cry.”
“And what's in it for me?” Ally asks, her heart thumping a lot faster than she would have expected at the proposition.
Colin cocks his head. “Don't know yet,” he says. “Won't, unless you try them and see.”
“And if I want to ride your dick?” Ally asks, trailing a finger down his erection.
“Then climb on,” Colin pants.
“Maybe next time,” Ally says and kisses him.