Chapter Text
Mystery Inc:
5:28am
Ibonki: HEY
Ibonki: H3Y
Ibonki: (❛̃ ͜ʖ❛̃)
Ibonki: HEY
Tiny Dancer: WTF
Ibonki: GOOD NOM NOM NOMMING EVERYONE ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ
Ibonki: IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY FULL OF RED BULL AND LOVE
Tiny Dancer: It's literally 5:30 you fuckin weirdo
Tiny Dancer: I was having such a good dream
Ibonki: Dreams are great
Ibonki: Ibuki loves dreams
Ibonki: Esp dreams with marshmallows
Ibonki: and dolphins
Ibonki: and fire
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Ibonki: One dream everyone had octopuses on their face
Ibonki: Octopuses?
Ibonki: Octopi
Ibonki: Octopises
Nurse Joy: Good morning everyone
Tiny Dancer: It was before you idiots ruined it
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Tiny Dancer: I swear I'm deleting this chat
Ibonki is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
My Hero: You say that every time, Hiyoko
Tiny Dancer: Mahiru!!!
Tiny Dancer: You're the only reason I haven't 😒😂
Nurse Joy: I'm sorry!!!! I didn't mean to ruin anyone's morning, I'm so sorry!!!
Ibonki: Nah nah nah
Ibonki: ≧◠‿●‿◠≦
Ibonki: Mikan makes Ibukis day shiny!
Ibonki: Shiny shiny! (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌
Tiny Dancer: WTF DOES THAT EMOJI MEAN
Ibonki: (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌
My Hero: Everyone, I need some help...
Tiny Dancer is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Ibonki: AIGHT LEMME JUST
Ibonki changed their nickname to 'Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea'
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: OK READY
Tiny Dancer: tf
Tiny Dancer: nvm
Tiny Dancer: What's up Mahiru? ❤
My Hero is typing
My Hero is typing
My Hero: ... It's kinda a long story
Private Chat- Mum Friend, Useless Hajime
7:00am
Mum Friend: Hey Hajime, remember that thing we talked about yesterday?
Mum Friend: The thing where I solve all your problems /j
Mum Friend: Yeah I'm gonna add you to the chat
Mum Friend: You have ten minutes to back out
7:30am
Useless Hajime: ...
Useless Hajime: WAIT
Useless Hajime: WAIT NO FUCK
Useless Hajime: I SLEPT IN FUCK MAHIRU NO
Mystery Inc:
7:11am
My Hero added Hajime Hinata to the chat
My Hero changed Hajime Hinata's name to 'Useless Hajime'
7:32am
Useless Hajime: Fuck
8:00am
Tiny Dancer: Ewwwwwwwwww
Tiny Dancer: Mahiruuuuuuu
Tiny Dancer: Whyd you add some rando to the chat
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: ASDDFGHJKLKJHGFDSAS
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: IT'S HAJIMEME
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: HEY HAJIMEME
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: HEY
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: HEY
Useless Hajime: Um... I'm guessing that's Ibuki?
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: ASDFGHJKL;
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT HAJIMEME
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: ≧◠ᴥ◠≦✊
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Tiny Dancer: omg Mikan stop
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy: I'M SO SORRY
Useless Hajime: um
My Hero: OK, now that everyone's here
My Hero: Time to get down to business
Useless Hajime: No
Useless Hajime: There is no business
Useless Hajime: Nope
Useless Hajime has left the chat
My Hero has added Useless Hajime to the chat
My Hero: You can't run, idiot
Tiny Dancer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌
My Hero: Girls, I have a proposition
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: For Hiyoko
My Hero is typing
Tiny Dancer is typing
My Hero: Ibuki, I'm serious
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: So am I (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌
T i ny Dancer is typing
My Hero: Look, what would you all say is the greatest disruption to our school lives?
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea is typing
My Hero: No sex jokes Ibuki
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: OH OH
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: Is it Nekomarus obsession with shitting
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy: I'm afraid that's a whole issue in itself
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: ASDFGHJKL
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: TEA
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: (👍≖‿‿≖)👍 👍(≖‿‿≖👍)
Nurse Joy is typing
Nurse Joy is typing
My Hero: No
My Hero: Also, gross
Nurse Joy is typing
My Hero: No, our biggest issue is Komaeda and his... Well, you know
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: Hope boner
My Hero: IBUKI
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: It's a hope boner
Useless Hajime: I leave the chat for five minutes, and this is what I come back to
Tiny Dancer: Why are you here at all
Useless Hajime: I dunno, maybe I spited god
Tiny Dancer is typing
Tiny Dancer: ... Yeah ok
Nurse Joy: I'm assuming Hajime is the, uh, solution to our problem??
Nurse Joy: But I don't see how...
Nurse Joy: I'M SORRY THAT WAS MEAN
My Hero: That's right, Mikan! Hajime here is going to make everyone happy, including Komaeda- because we're going to set them up
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: AWWWWWWWWWWWW
Tiny Dancer: ... ew
Useless Hajime: HAH
Useless Hajime: What makes you think I wanna date Komaeda
Useless Hajime: Or that he'd wanna date me
Useless Hajime: He hates my guts, remember
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: Enemies to friends to lovers
Useless Hajime: No
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: Slow burn
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: ✨(っ◔︣◡◔᷅)っc(◕︣◡◕᷅c)✨
Useless Hajime: Where is she getting these from
My Hero: Hajime, you literally look at him with these pathetic lovesick eyes every time he walks past
My Hero: And he doesn't hate YOU... Just the fact you're a Reserve Course student
Useless Hajime: Ah yes
Useless Hajime: That makes a difference
My Hero: It will, just give this a chance
Tiny Dancer: So what are we doing??? I'm so lost
My Hero: We're going to make a new group chat with all of us and Komaeda
My Hero: Maybe a few others to avoid suspicion
Useless Hajime is typing
My Hero: Hajime this is your chance to actually hold a decent conversation with him. He won't know who you are, we'll say you're an international student or something
My Hero: Your class won't matter when he knows the real you
Useless Hajime is typing
Useless Hajime is typing
Useless Hajime: ... Fine
Useless Hajime: But if this doesn't work, you owe me like
Useless Hajime: a life's worth of mochi
My Hero: Deal
Private chat- Mum Friend, Useless Hajime
10am
Useless Hajime: OK Mahiru, you win
Useless Hajime: But does this mean you're gonna deal with your own crush?
Mum Friend is typing
Mum Friend: I have no idea what you're talking about