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You would think that after getting far enough into a relationship where they were engaged, Karl and Sapnap would have asked about what the random noises and movements Quackity did were about, but they didn’t. For Sapnap, it was because he didn’t know how to ask about it, and it seemed like a weird thing to bring up in casual conversation. For Karl, it was because he had a fear of it coming off rude or mean, so he chose to just say nothing. For Quackity, it was terrifying that neither of them had said anything, especially when he started to notice the glances they would share when a random word would spill from his mouth unprompted. He held so much fear that one day he would tic and they would finally snap and show all their anger.
This cycle continued on for weeks before something finally changed. It was a quiet and calm day, which just made the random outbursts from Quackity so much more noticeable. The three fiances were grouped up on their couch, quietly watching some random movie, quiet and stillness only broken by the occasional noise or random phrase or word by Quackity. He pretended to not notice the shared glances between Sapnap and Karl after every few tics. He tried to just enjoy the quiet afternoon with his fiances, ignoring the swirling in his gut that came with the sense of impending hurt and anxiety.
It didn’t last much longer before Karl turned to him and began to speak, “Hey Q? Feel free to tell me if a say something wrong or stupid, but what’s the reason for all the random movements and words? Like you never explain them.” Quackity wrung his hands, swallowing before opening his mouth in an attempt to speak. Before he can though, Sapnap speaks up from his left.
“Yeah. If you’re uncomfortable or something it’s okay, but I know for sure that we’d both like to know, not to mention the few other people I know who are confused and curious.”, Sapnap smiles at him, giving a subtle nod urging him to respond.
Quackity clears his throat, attempting to talk once more, “I- uh-”, he pauses taking a breath in an attempt to collect himself. “They’re called tics. They’re like actions and sounds that my brain decides to do without my permission *‘wow’*, usually repeatedly.” He talks slowly and timidly, a very rare occurrence for the naturally loud man. Quackity looks between his two loves, watching as they seem to process the information and prepare more questions.
Karl was the first to break the silence, “So, what causes them?”
“Um, well a few things can actually. The most known about is Tourettes, but a few other disorders can, like ADHD, anxiety, or OCD. *pop*” He responded, slowly trying to calm down but still wary of what they may say.
“Okay, so what causes it for you?”, Sapnap asked, turning more to face him.
“Well, I have an official diagnosis for Tourettes *‘mi perdonas!’*, so uh yeah”, Quackity responded looking down, away from the two of them, looking nervous and scared. Karl and Sapnap share a glance from across the couch, sharing a silent conversation.
“Hey, are you okay, Q?”, Karl asked him, slowly leaning closer to the hunched-over man, gently reaching to grasp his hand with his own. The moment their hands touched though Quackity jumped back, hands flying up towards his head, forearms crossing in a makeshift barrier for his face.
Mutterings of “I’m sorry” could be heard only due to the scared silence cutting through the air. Karl froze, only able to stare ahead at his fiance as he spiraled into a breakdown. Sapnap was in a similar state for a moment as Quackity started repeatedly ticcing a popping noise and throwing his head back, causing his muttered apologies to get louder and more frantic.
Sapnap quickly broke his trance and slowly moved forward when through Quackity's fearful voice he was able to hear a broken "I'm sorry Schlatt". He inched forward with his hands up, parallel with his face, open palms out in a clear sign of surrender and non-violence. One step at a time he moved slowly forward until he was only a few feet in front of Quackity, who had been slowly backing himself up until his back was flush with the wall. “Hey Q. It’s me, it’s Sapnap. You’re safe, you’re home. You are with me and Karl, it’s just us. There’s no one else here and no one's gonna hurt you.” He sunk down until he was kneeling in front of him in an attempt to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.
He broke his stare from Quackity to look back at his other fiance, seeing Karl had calmed down from the shock from the sudden change and was looking at him questioningly. Sapnap simply mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’ to him before turning back to the ongoing task. Quackity was breathing heavily, shaking, and still stuck in a repeated loop of ticcing and them stuttering out an apology to someone who wasn’t there.
“Hey Q, can you focus on my voice for me? Can you do that for me and Karl?”, Sapnap spoke up quietly once again. He received a slight nod in return from Quackity. “Okay thank you. I want you to try to breathe with me,” Sapnap begins taking slow breaths, following the 4-6-8 pattern he remembers being told about, “There you go, just like that. You’re doing great, let’s keep doing that, okay?” Another small nod comes as Quackity continues the pattern on his own.
Karl slowly starts to make his way closer to the pair, staying a good few feet behind Sapnap though, careful to not frighten Quackity. He watches carefully as Sapnap works to help him. He’s pulled from his thoughts when Sapnap speaks again.
“Q, is it okay if I touch you? It’s okay if I can’t,” He asks, watching carefully for a response, which he once again receives in the form of a short nod. He slowly reaches out, grabbing his upper arm so gently that he might as well not be touching him at all. Slowly his guides his hands to grab Quackity’s forearms that were still guarding his face. He gently eased them away, and back down towards his sides, carefully rubbing up and down them in a calming motion. Now that the pair could see Quackity’s face again, it was glaringly obvious that the man had been crying, tear tracks running down his face and eyes puffy and red.
“Are you back with us, Q?”, Karl spoke for the first time since he’d accidentally triggered Quackity. Quackity slowly moved his head to look him in the eye, taking an extra deep breath before speaking.
“Yeah, yeah I- I’m here, I guess.” He spoke softly the remnants of, whatever had just happened, clinging to him still as he silently assessed what had happened.
“Okay, that’s good. Is it okay if I give you a hug, you really scared me?”, Karl asked, opening his arm, further extending the offer. Quackity nodded and Karl closed the gap between them, nearly crushing the small man in a hug. Sapnap walked from where he stood and hugged the two as well. If Quackity wasn’t aware of what just happened he would be much more shocked, Sapnap isn’t a very physical person. He rarely just hugs either of them unprompted, as opposed to Karl who would nearly never ask for a hug, just immediately smothering his fiances before they can say anything.
Sapnap and Karl pulled away, and it was silent for a moment before Sapnap spoke up. “It’s completely okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but if you would like, do you wanna tell us what that was all about?”.
Quackity took a shaky breath before he responded. “Uh yeah, sure. I guess this is kind of a long story so if we wanna go sit down *’wow’*, that would be easier.” Karl and Sapnap were quick to agree and the three made their way back to the couch, sitting there before Karl stood back up after a moment.
“Actually, first, how about I go make us some hot chocolate. It might make this a bit easier,” he said, before turning and walking into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with three mugs of hot chocolate with extra-large marshmallows and a plate of cookies. How he managed to hold it all without dropping or spilling was beyond Quackity, but he chose to just focus on the warm drink as he took a long sip, feeling the warmth flood his body.
After a moment the other two looked at Quackity expectedly. He sighed and held his mug tightly between his hands. “I guess I should start from the beginning, huh?”. He flicks his head back and forth between the two before continuing.
“Well, I’ve had tics since I was a teen, but I didn’t get diagnosed until a little bit before I came to the SMP. I was doing okay at managing them and everything, but they tend to get *’Poggers’* worse with stress and stuff so obviously, they’ve worsened since then. Before the end of the elections, around when Schlatt and I teamed up, they were pretty calm, so I never had to explain it to him then. By the time he and I got married and he got elected I had completely forgotten to tell him.” Quackity takes a pause to sip his hot chocolate, preparing to continue into the brunt of the painful story, before Karl speaks up.
“Wait, so you and Schlatt got married?! I- what? When?”, Karl asked, obviously confused by how calmly Quackity had stated the fact and Sapnap’s lack of reaction.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot you didn’t know about that,” Quackity says sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “He and I got married a few weeks before he got elected. He swore up and down that the marriage was ‘for legal purposes’ or ‘tax benefits’ or whatever, but we really were in love there for a little while”. Quackity smiles lightly at the memory of something for a moment, before suddenly cringing as the memory morphed into a later one.
“Oh. Um, well- okay I guess. I don’t really know what to say now,” Karl laughed nervously as he spoke.
“It’s okay, not many people even knew about it, let alone the actual reasoning behind it. I honestly think only Tubbo *’fuck’*and Dream knew the full details of everything. Anyways, I should probably continue, is that alright?”. Quackity looked between his two fiances searching for confirmation, receiving it in the form of two short nods.
“When me and Schlatt first got together it was all happy and everything*’woah’*, but as the power and stress of presidency got to him, and he turned too heavily to drinking, it wasn’t very happy anymore. He got angry really quickly and started yelling when he got angry. He got annoyed really fast, so to try to keep him from getting angry I would hold in my tics as best I could around him. Eventually, he got fed up with my slip-ups and confronted me about them. I explained the Tourettes, but he was drunk and annoyed and tired, so he started yelling and screaming about how I was begging for attention and needed to be put in my place”.
Quackity looked up from his hands for the first time since he continued talking, with the realization that tears had begun to roll down his cheeks. Karl slowly reached his hand over to Quackity’s, making sure that he stays within his field of vision so he has the ability to tell him no, but he doesn’t. Karl grasps his hand, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. Sapnap ran his hand over Quackity’s shoulder, doing his best to comfort him without scaring or sending him back into a panic attack or flashback.
Quackity took a shaky breath, squeezing Karl’s hand, before continuing. “I cried a lot that night. I had locked myself in *pop* my room, and let everything out. And after that, I packed my stuff. I couldn’t quite work myself up to physically leave, but if the time came, I was ready. But instead, we went to war, which I did not plan for. When Schlatt died I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. I had only been what he let me for so long, I didn’t know what else I could be, I didn’t know myself anymore”.
“Eventually, after everything finally calmed down some and I could slip away from everything, *’Mi gusta’* I was able to let everything go somewhat. I was always so scared of what you two, let alone the rest of the SMP, would do if they found out about the *’woah’* Tourettes.” Quackity looks between his two fiances, and if he noticed the slow-falling tears rolling down each of their cheeks, he didn’t say anything. He looked between the two of them, switching between who he was making eye contact with, as he continued the end of his story.
“When you guys never said anything about it when I knew you noticed it, I was scared that one of these days I would tic *’yeah’*, and I would go through another Schlatt. I was so terrified to do that again, I constantly hold in so much panic every time. So when I told you, that panic started rising and I started slipping away from you both, and back into those nights again. When you touched me, my mind was already partially gone, and it sent me fully into the spiral. I was drowning in a mix of old memories and *’mi perdonas’* emotions and my current fears.”
Karl looked at him for a moment, before springing forward and hugging Quackity so tight he thought he might suffocate. He giggled, as best he could with the lack of air, and pulled him in tight. Sapnap looked at his two fiances with a small smile, before being yanked by his shirt into the newly formed group hug. The three laughed and laid back onto the couch in a makeshift cuddle pile.
The fiances lied with each other for hours, holding each other close, causing each other to laugh, and drinking in the warmth the others provided. They were happy like this. And Quackity? Quackity hadn’t felt this safe and relaxed and at peace in a long time, so he slowly fell asleep listening to the rhythmic thump of Sapnaps heart and feeling the gentle caress on his back from Karl.