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2021-04-10
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2021-04-10
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The Trials and Tribulations of Fake Dating

Summary:

Remember when your straight friends tried to set you up with people back when you were closeted? Wasn't that awkward and heteronormative and probably hilarious to an outside observer? Blake and Sun aren't really sure why their friends want them together so badly, but they'll take sort-of-relationships over inconvenient crushes on straight people any day.

Notes:

TW for homophobic language.

Chapter Text

"Dude, that girl Blake is totally into you. Ask her out!" Neptune insists, propping his feet up on his desk.

"We've literally been at this school for two days, and I've had a grand total of one conversation with her. That's not enough to tell if she's into me," Sun responds, screwing up a piece of paper that was supposed to be for notes but is really just scribbles and tossing it at Neptune. He catches it, unfolds it, and yawns.

"Sun, what's the big deal? She's cute, she likes you, and I'm pretty sure you don't have your eye on anyone else." Neptune throws the paper back at Sun, who swats it away.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Totally not invested in anyone else, especially since this is a new college where I know practically nobody. Yep." Sun punches Neptune in the arm. "Good plan."

"Dude, if you don't want to ask her out, that's fine. I'm just trying to help!"

"You really think I need your help to get a girl?" Sun asks, grinning. "Shouldn't you worry about your own love life?"

"I don't need to worry about my love life," Neptune says, raking his hair back from his face with one hand. "Ladies are all over me the second they see me."

Sun can't blame them. That dumbass is still sort of - perfect.

Perfect when he bickers with Sun over whose turn it is to cook, which really just means throwing something into the microwave, but they'll fight to the death to avoid actually doing it.

Perfect when he loses time and time again when they play videogames, and insists that Sun or the AI is cheating, even though they both know he's just incredibly uncoordinated.

Perfect those rare times when they don't talk, and are just sitting out on their balcony, and there's nothing to worry about, nobody to impress, and they're both perfectly happy.

But, of course, you don't admit that sort of thing to your best friend, who'll just laugh nervously, call you a faggot and pretend it's a joke, and then leave.

And Sun is okay with having a best friend like Neptune, who's funny and actually gets good grades and whose failures with girls make Sun look better. He's fine with the way things are.

Maybe he should ask Blake out. She seems nice enough, and pretty enough, and relatively unlikely to turn him down.

"What?"

"I said, care to catch a movie some time?" Sun leans against the low wall separating them from a lawn, shooting off awkward finger guns at her.

Blake prepares to almost-scowl and inform him that some of them have MCATs to study for, in an aggressively polite tone of voice that makes it clear exactly what she's implying about him. And that's not a lie. It's just not really the truth either. Which might technically make it a lie. Semantics are sort of confusing.

Yang strolls up to them and drapes an arm around Blake's shoulders, startling her.

"Hey there, Emo and Abs."

"Forgotten my name already?" Sun asks.

"Uh, yes. Terrible memory. You're the one with the plant name, right?"

"It's Sun." They shake hands, both of them discreetly testing each other's grip. Making everything into a competition, which Blake should really be used to considering Yang's the star of the track team, so she regularly ends up at parties full of Division I athletes, and when they get drunk things get intense.

"Anyways, Blake, I know I'm supposed to be vacuuming the apartment this week, but I have practice, and then I promised Ruby I'd go to her Robotics club demonstration, so I just –"

"Not a problem," Blake interrupts. Their chore schedule ends with Blake doing all the cleaning more often than not, but then Yang cooks more to make up for it, and she can do things with a salmon that could convert a vegetarian (and she looks pretty cute in an apron too, but that's kind of beside the point).

"Thank you so much. You're a lifesaver."

"Just getting in some practice for med school, right?" Sun chimes in. Both of them laugh.

Well, it is sweet of him to remember her major after they talked, but they still don't really know each other, and Blake doesn't really do the whole "dating" thing ever since –

"Gotta go!" Yang hops over the wall and jogs across the quad to join her team members, who are heading towards the stadium. Pyrrha gives Blake and Sun a friendly smile, while Nora waves enthusiastically and then dashes off, leaving her taller friends in the dust.

"So, about that movie…"

Blake is still watching Yang leave. She's laughing, catching Nora as she tries to sneak up on them, and tossing the shorter girl over her shoulder for a moment, effortlessly.

Blake's been hurt too many times, to be blunt.

But Yang – Yang is protective and fiercely loyal and would tear anyone who hurt her friends to pieces with her bare hands. Yang is safe.

And out of reach. They've been roommates for three years, and Yang has hugged her a grand total of twice. And it's not like Yang's shy about affection, either; she throws her arms around friends, teammates, and near-strangers alike. Even Weiss, back when they were freshmen and she was that kind of rich girl, got real hugs rather than the uncomfortable side-hugs.

What's it called when you date someone else to cover up and maybe get over a crush? She's heard "beard" thrown around a lot, but she likes guys, so things are confusing.

"Yes, sure. Sounds great."

"I have her phone number, and a date on Saturday, and I did use the finger guns, thank you."

Scarlet raises his hands defensively.

"Dude, all I did was say that finger guns don't actually attract women!"

"Scarlet, nobody trusts your opinions on girls for a reason," Neptune points out.

"Au contraire. Have you never heard of a gay best friend?"

His friends and their squabbles notwithstanding, Sun has a date. Her friend Yang is weirdly possessive, though. And judging by her handshake, she could squash his head like a grape. A particularly handsome, clever, and generally amazing grape, but still. She seems easygoing, but death is not on Sun's list of priorities.

Chapter Text

Yang isn't sure how she feels at this point.

Blake has apparently healed enough from her relationship with Adam to try dating again, after two years of flinching when people get too close to her. Sun seems to be a great guy. And Blake actually smiled twice today, which is still rare.

But there's a small, twisted part of her heart that makes her feel some feeling she can't quite name when she sees Blake smile like that when she gets a text from Sun. And now Yang's stomach is tied in knots and she's scolding herself for this kind of reaction. Blake is happy, for once in her life, and Yang has no right to be upset, or whatever the hell she's feeling, because of that.

Yang's never been very good at feelings, so she smiles and tells Blake she looks amazing in her black jeans and flannel, and watches her walk out the door and take Sun's hand.

Yang's never really tried to touch Blake, just because she's so skittish. The uncomfortable side hugs are the farthest she dares to go. But no, Blake can go hold hands with some boy she met last week, that's fine, and never even casually make contact with her roommate and friend of three years.

Yang curses at her reflection and tells it to man the fuck up and get over itself for a few minutes, then goes for a run. Just two miles, up to the eastern border of campus then a loop around the quad, the same route she takes every morning. It'll help her get her thoughts together.

Two miles turns into six, out across the suburbs surrounding the campus, through drifts of fallen leaves. The sun is close to the horizon, turning the whole world golden, and it's pretty, but Yang might technically be lost, because she was too busy worrying about feelings to actually check where she was going. Smart move.

Yang pulls out her phone, then swears under her breath. Out of battery. Of course.

At this point, she has a couple options. Option one is ask for directions. The sensible choice that'll get her back to campus quickly and reliably, and also the choice that makes her look pathetic.

Jogging back down the roads, peering at street signs and trying to remember names, isn't a brilliant option, but Yang can't be that bad with directions. She knows more or less which way she's supposed to be going, at least.

Apparently, she is that bad with directions. She ends up somewhere near the center of town, full of neon lights just starting to ignite as the sun sinks lower. She's been here once or twice, but took a shuttle bus that won't be running since it's a weekend, so she's still fairly lost.

Yang is contemplating actually asking for directions when she spots a somewhat familiar face.

"Neptune!" she calls, and is relieved when the tall blue-haired boy turns and raises a hand like he's trying to wave but is just too lazy.

"Hey, Yang," he says. "I didn't know you worked around here."

"Oh, I don't. I just got a bit lost, you know?"

Neptune frowns and glances up at the street signs.

"It's just back along Ventura for a few miles to get back to campus. I tell you what, I get off work in about half an hour; I'll walk you back."

"You think I can't walk back to campus by myself without a big strong man to protect me?"

"Of course not! If anything, you'll be the one protecting me."

Not a terrible way to save that conversation, at least.

"It'll be you and me against the world, but, you know, mostly me."

"Sounds about right," Neptune says, laughing. He glances at his watch. "Shit, my break's over. I'll get you a cup of coffee."

The coffee shop is one of those aggressively hipsterish places that thinks plants in windowsills and wood floors are the epitome of avant-garde. Vinyl records from bands Yang's never even heard of adorn the walls. It's the kind of place Blake would adore. She likes her coffee black, her space quiet, and her plants everywhere.

Yang should go back and make some popcorn for the two of them, and they could watch Blake's Disney movies and Yang could pretend she knows the words to any of the songs other than "Hakuna Matata," since that was her favorite when she was eight. They might invite Ruby and Weiss over, but Blake is still shy about liking "kid stuff", so it'd just be them. Being friends, without any men getting in the way. Maybe Yang would drape one arm over Blake's shoulder, casually, and Blake wouldn't move away. She'd reach around Yang's waist and snuggle into her shoulder, and they'd be comfortable and happy.

But of course that's not going to happen, because she's off with Sun, and she's looking at him with her beautiful amber eyes crinkling at the corners, and staying close to him, and –

This is an insane overreaction. All Blake did was get a boyfriend. That's not really any of Yang's business.

That doesn't change the tight feeling in her chest, the – jealousy.

Oh, god no. Yang isn't supposed to be jealous of anyone. Blake's happy for once, and stealing her boyfriend because of some dumb crush on a guy she met two days ago is just unforgivable.

Except –

Yang's face hits the table, causing Neptune to pause and rush around the counter.

"You okay?"

Yang is tempted to explain, but Neptune is close to Sun, and he'll mention it, and there'll be chaos, and Blake won't smile like that anymore, and it'll all be Yang's fault because she's a dumb bitch who falls in love too easily.

"I'm okay," she says. "Just, um, confused about this James Joyce essay I have to write."

"Oh, I know! Joyce is the worst. I did a term paper on him last year; never again." Neptune visibly shudders at the memory.

And things are okay. Because if there's one thing Yang can do well, it's turning off inconvenient feelings.

Chapter Text

This just isn't Neptune's night.

He's spent hours flirting with Weiss, flashing her grins and raking his hair back from his face, complimenting her and winking, and she walked away, making some excuse about stopping her friend Ruby from getting into too much trouble, not even giving him her phone number. He hasn't been that wrong about whether a girl was interested in a long time, and it's depressing.

Screw this. He doesn't have the heart to go find someone else, and he might as well go back to his apartment and start that essay he's been meaning to get to for weeks, and really should have finished already, but things got in the way.

Sun, mostly. His bro is clingier than usual, getting tickets to new action movies just for the two of them, never mind Blake, for whatever reason. Apparently she doesn't like action movies, and spends a lot of time studying, so Neptune barely sees them together.

Predictably, Sun catches up with him when he's barely left the party, Scarlet and Sage following in tow and looking unenthusiastic.

"Bro, what's wrong?"

"I got rejected, and I have an essay that I should write. You guys go back and enjoy the party."

Of course, that doesn't actually happen. The second Sun decides his friend needs cheering up from rejection, Neptune knows he's not going to get anything done. At least his friends care about him and want to support him.

Never mind. What they wanted was to go through Neptune's liquor stash and start insulting his moves. And Neptune is very proud of his moves. He's a ladykiller, if he says so himself.

"The ladies are crazy," Scarlet informs him, stabbing an index finger in his general direction. "You're a dumbass, and you have stupid hair."

"My hair isn't all that different from yours," Neptune retorts.

"My hair is naturally luscious. Yours is – pretentious."

Drunk Scarlet is more irritable than usual, and just as arrogant. Drunk Sage is going to take Scarlet's side, even though usually he's the only sane one. Drunk Sun is, honestly, not all that different from the usual.

"I mean, your flirting skills have clearly deserted you," Sun adds.

"Well, you're here with us instead of with your girlfriend, yet again, so I'm beginning to think you're making her up again."

"Dude, that only happened once!"

"Okay, guys, I really do need to get something done tonight –" Neptune begins.

"Nerd."

Yeah, he might as well have some fun tonight.

"Break his legs," Nora says instantly.

"Nora, that's not the kind of advice I was looking for. I'm trying to, you know, keep my emotions down, not challenge Sun to a fight over a girl," Yang says, sighing. This was not a good idea.

"Okay, you don't have to break his legs. But, we don't know anything about Sun. What if he hurts Blake?"

"Then I'll go break his legs, yeah, but he hasn't. So far, he's a great guy, and he makes Blake happy, and I don't want to get in the way of that."

"Or you could confess," Nora says. "Worst case scenario, she rejects you."

"Do you have any idea how awkward that would be? We're roommates!"

"Okay, don't confess. Jeez, I thought you wanted my help."

Yang takes a deep breath and brings her emotions back under control, because she is going to get better at that. For Blake.

"Yeah, you're right. I haven't really been listening to your advice, and I do appreciate the help."

"Well, if you're really determined to shut off your feelings, then maybe you should talk about them first," Nora offers. "So you can see your opponent and what they can do."

Back to sports terminology, which Yang is at least slightly familiar with.

"Okay, feelings. Blake is smart, smarter than I'll ever be, but she's not showy about it. She's stable, and tries to stop me from doing stupid things, and once in a while it works. Um, pretty eyes. Knows everything about random Disney movies, even the old ones nobody's heard of like Treasure Planet, and she's shy about how much she knows about them. She goes to my track meets, and she doesn't really cheer, but afterward she smiles, and once she let me pick her up and do a victory lap with her on my shoulders, and she said she felt like a little kid again. I mentioned the smart thing already, right?"

"You two could be like a crime-fighting duo! The smart one and the strong one, and she'd make plans and do science stuff and you'd punch people who tried to hurt her!"

"Nora, please focus."

Nora nods and sighs.

"But that would be so cool!"

"Okay, I'm sure it would be. But that's not really the point here, since listing off everything amazing about Blake was kind of counterproductive."

"That's just rude," Sun snaps. "I'm hot. Neptune thinks I'm hot, right?"

"'m not gay," Neptune mutters. He isn't even sure how this argument started, but he doesn't feel like getting involved.

"But if you were gay, you'd think I was hot."

"But I'm not gay."

"You're not answering the question," Sun says, pouting. "You're so rude. Probably taking Scarlet's side, instead of defending your best bro."

Oh, dear God is Sun a drama queen when he's drunk.

"Bro, I literally never said you weren't hot. I'm sure you're aesthetically attractive," he offers.

"Good enough," Sun says, then immediately starts another argument with Scarlet about something else.

And that's clearly the entire extent of Neptune's emotions. Sun is aesthetically attractive. His abs are objectively nice to look at. Neptune clearly isn't into guys, even if Sun is an amazing funny dumbass and he'd date Sun if he were a girl, because he drives Neptune crazy but in a good way. Clearly.

Feelings are complicated, and Neptune doesn't like them. Scarlet is supposed to be the feelings one, and Neptune is supposed to be the smart one. And getting all kinds of warm fuzzy emotions over that one time Sun screwed up cooking and set their old apartment on fire, and it didn't destroy that much but Neptune's videogames were warped beyond recognition, and he didn't talk to Sun for two days until he showed up at Neptune's door with flowers and a copy of a new game that had just been released, part of a series he knew Neptune loved, and apologized so sincerely, is not logical in the slightest.

Chapter Text

"You should show up dramatically and dramatically proclaim your love for him, and dramatically sweep him off his feet."

"Really?"

"No." Scarlet shakes his head in disgust. "What are you, too good to bottle up your feelings like a normal person?"

"I was hoping for actual advice," Sun says, sighing. "You seem like you actually understand people's emotions."

"And I do understand emotions. But you know what else I understand?" Scarlet asks, clearly already moving into theatrical mode. "I understand the group's dynamic. I understand that you're the crazy one with the crazy ideas, and you need me to talk you out of them. If, purely hypothetically, Neptune showed up with exactly the same concern, I'd tell him to stop overthinking this and be honest about his feelings, because that's the pep talk he needs. The last thing you need is more encouragement to be impulsive."

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

Scarlet rolls his eyes and proceeds to ignore Sun.

As much as Sun hates to admit it, Scarlet might be right. It doesn't hurt to take another day or two to think about things; nobody's going to die if he doesn't choose.

Freelance photography doesn't pay much, so Velvet has a day job at a tea shop. It's a nice place. Pays well, flexible hours, and the few regular customers are all the quiet type, so she doesn't have to be too garrulous.

Blake's been coming here for longer than Velvet, just to sit in a corner, textbooks spread out in front of her, and nurse her tea for two hours. Velvet knows she's a premed student, very dedicated, and a big fan of plants. She knew more about the orchid in the windowsill than the employees, and lent Velvet a book on gardening. Two weeks ago, she brought in Sun for the first time. He talked, mostly, while she sipped her tea and smiled occasionally. They come in together a few times a week now, holding hands sometimes, and Velvet thinks it's sweet that the two of them, so different, have come together and fallen in love despite the barriers between them. She's always been a bit of a hopeless romantic.

Velvet gets them their usual, a small pot of Earl Grey and two cups, and since they're the only people in the shop, starts washing dishes, half-listening to their conversation.

"So, um, how do you feel about birds?" That's Blake, actually starting a conversation, which is surprising. She's opening up to him! Love is in the air.

"Birds are cool!" Sun says hastily. "I mean, they can fly, and, uh, stuff." Teacups clink loudly in the background. Look at him, being interested in the same things as her. Velvet is so proud of her lovebirds.

She pauses to dry her hands and take Coco's picture out of her wallet. She is so proud of her girlfriend for being in the Air Force, of all things, and she does love her dearly, and miss her so much, and the occasional calls that Coco does have time for are never enough. And can you really blame Velvet for getting a little emotionally invested in the couples that do spring up and fall in love right in front of her?

Her peaceful basking is interrupted by the shop door swinging open. Velvet rushes to the counter.

"Welcome! What can I get you today?"

The newcomer is a tall blonde girl, dressed in the uniform of the university's track team. She's drenched in sweat and breathing hard. The tea shop isn't far from the university, but it's easily two miles from some areas of campus, and she's presumably been running all the way from the stadium.

At Velvet's question, her head snaps around.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see you there. Any chance you have something alcoholic on hand?"

"We're not licensed to sell alcohol," Velvet says, frowning. Why would she come here, to a tea shop, if that's what she's looking for?

"Okay, then just a glass of water," she says, mopping some of the sweat off her forehead with the hem of her shirt.

Sun and Blake have both turned around to look at her. Blake looks concerned.

"Hey, Yang!" Sun calls. "What brings you here?"

The girl – Yang – ignores him and takes the glass from Velvet's outstretched hand, draining it. She then turns to face Sun.

"Long story short, I'm here to challenge you to a fistfight," she says.

"Um, that's – kind of come out of nowhere," Sun says, backing away. "Any reason you want to fight me?"

"Well, Nora said it was a good idea, and I honestly couldn't think of a better way to do this, because I solve problems by punching them."

Velvet pulls her phone out of her pocket, ready to call the police if this escalates.

"What's the problem with me?" Sun asks, sounding insulted.

"Well, it's not you, really. You don't seem like a bad person. It's just, um –" Yang glances over his shoulder to look at Blake, who hasn't moved. She's clutching her teacup with shaking hands, staring at Yang. Their eyes meet, and Yang's face softens until she almost smiles.

The door opens again, this time rebounding off the far wall and nearly hitting the new entrant in the face. He's another student, presumably, with blue hair and a red blazer.

"Bro, I think I might be in love with you."

This is going to be good. Drama and secrets and fights all coming out into the open and getting resolved after long heart-to-heart conversations.

Velvet hastily fills another pot of tea and walks out from behind the counter to set it down on a larger table with four seats.

"Why don't all of you just talk this out?" she suggests. "Have this tea on the house."

Time to go find some popcorn.

Chapter 5

Notes:

TW for panic attack and mentions of abuse.

Chapter Text

Blake takes the seat that Velvet offers her, tugging at Sun's arm to encourage him to sit down too. Might as well be comfortable while all this gets sorted out.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning," Sun says. "Yang, what the hell was the point of challenging me to a fistfight?"

Yang throws her hands in the air and sighs.

"Look, I already said it's a really long story, and it was a stupid idea in the first place. Never mind any of it."

"We have plenty of time, and I'm not sure where all this anger is coming from."

"Have you met Yang?" Blake mutters.

Sun ignores her.

"You said I'm not the problem, but I think you're a pretty cool person, and if you have issues with me, I think we should talk it out." Sun begins pouring cups of tea. "We have plenty of time."

Yang seems calmer now, or at least not homicidal. She takes the teacup and sets it down, then puts her face in her hands.

"It was kind of a stupid plan, but in my defense it was Nora's idea," she mumbles. "You know how back in the olden days knights would duel for a lady, or something? I'm not good with history, but that was the gist of the plan."

Blake can't breathe.

The thought that Yang, of all people, is willing to fight for her, is both ridiculously unlikely and what she probably should have seen coming.

Sun coughs up a mouthful of tea and stares blankly at Yang for a few seconds before offering:

"Did Blake's choice come into your plan at all?"

"It was a terrible plan, I know! But, uh, now you know." Yang seems to be trying very hard not to look at Blake. "This is kind of the day for awkward and sudden confessions of love, huh, Neptune?"

Neptune's chair is vacant.

"That's just him running away from his problems. Dumbass," Sun comments. "I'll go find him once we sort all this out."

Neither of Blake's options are great at this point, since she's breaking someone's heart no matter what.

"Blake, no pressure, but, uh –"

She knows that neither of them are like Adam. She knows both of them care about her and respect her choices. She knows that she can choose and not be hurt.

But she remembers what happened. She remembers Adam's eyes closing, then reopening, filled with a light she didn't understand. She remembers his laughter as he shoved her to the ground, his boots in her ribs, his –

"Blake, just take deep breaths," Yang interrupts. "It's okay. Just remember to breathe. Think happy thoughts. He's gone."

He's gone. Blake survived, and moved on, and has a better life for all that he did. She takes a deeper breath to slow her panicky hyperventilation. Yang and Sun are both looking at her, saying vaguely soothing things. Neither of them are touching her, which is good. Blake doesn't really mind being touched some of the time, but when she's stuck in her memories it makes her feel like she can't breathe again.

"You okay?" Sun asks. Blake nods, shakily, and takes a sip of tea. She'll be all right, with people like them who care about her.

"Sorry," Yang says. "I shouldn't have – fucked things up like this. I can leave."

"Stay," Blake says quietly. The memories are still swirling at the back of her mind and she needs familiar faces surrounding her, to protect her.

Yang nods. She and Sun make uncomfortable small talk as Blake recovers. And it's safe. Blake feels safe, like she often does when she's recovering and Yang is there to help her, to tell her that it's okay.

I love her.

Blake has never admitted that to herself before, but it fits. It's not a surprise. Yang has been with her for years to protect her. Yang was the one she went to when she didn't know what to do about Adam, the one who let Blake stay in her dorm more than once when she was too afraid to go back, the one who always told Blake that the police would believe her. Yang is brighter than the sun.

That was a terrible pun that Yang would be so proud of her for accidentally making.

Blake is still on edge and shaky, and the laughter and tears spill over, and she's shaking again, and Yang and Sun are both asking if she's okay, and really she's never been better.

"My hero," she says, extending a hand to trace the lines of Yang's bicep like she's always wanted to. Yang grins broadly and flexes; she's so proud of her muscles it's a bit ridiculous.

"I'll be your knight in shining armor any time you need me," she says. "Sorry, Sun."

Sun doesn't seem as upset about this as Blake expected.

"Congratulations, both of you," he says, smiling. "It's actually a bit convenient, because, um, I kind of have to talk to Neptune."

"Yes! Go get your man!" Yang says, punching him in the arm. He punches her back, and both of them laugh. It's a little ritual Blake has seen so many times with Yang and her teammates that she dreams about it.

"I should get going. I have –" Sun glances at his phone "seven missed calls from Scarlet, so whatever went down is probably a bit of a disaster."

He jogs out the door, leaving them with the bill the way he usually does.

"Um, want some more tea?" Yang asks.

"Could I have a hug instead? A real hug, not a side hug."

Yang wraps her arms around Blake, pressing a kiss into her hair. And Blake doesn't feel that slight discomfort, or need to break away after a moment. She just stays.

Sun finds Neptune in Scarlet and Sage's apartment, wordlessly smacking his head against the wall.

"Neptune, bro, what's going on?" Sun tries to pull him away from the much-abused sheetrock. Neptune ignores him.

"Dude, giving yourself a concussion is not going to help. Talk to me, okay?"

Neptune turns to look at him. His usually perfect blue hair is a mess, not even deliberately messy, just a chaos of strands falling into his eyes. Kind of cute.

"I'm straight," he says, raking his hair back with one hand. It doesn't help.

"Okay then?" How does he even respond to that, when twenty minutes ago his best bro was dramatically confessing his love?

"I'm straight, I just – you – it's complicated," Neptune groans, gesturing vaguely at Sun. "You started dating Blake and there were all these emotions, and emotions are confusing, and I talked to Scarlet, and Scarlet told me to walk up to you and confess my love, so really all of this is his fault, and I'm sorry and I know I'm fucking things up, but, you know…" He flaps his hand at Sun again.

Sun has never been one for complicated feelings, or for complicated logic stuff like Neptune. He does what seems like it might be a good idea, and leaves it to the sensible people to fix the disaster he caused. And right now, it seems like a good idea to grab Neptune and kiss him.

"Dude, what are you doing? What about Blake?"

"Blake is in love with someone else. Lucky us."

"Sun, things are confusing. I – let's just slow down a little, okay?"

Of course Neptune needs time. He always needs time; it took the better part of six months to talk him into being roommates. And Sun's okay with that, since one of them has to be the nerd – excuse me, intellectual – and make sensible decisions.

"Sure. Let's go kill Scarlet first."

"I am the reason all this happened!" Scarlet says, appearing in the doorway with zero warning. "All of you should be thanking me."

"Not a chance," Sun says. "Any more praise and your head's going to explode."

"How dare you," Scarlet says flatly. "If you were as perfect as me, you'd be a bit arrogant about it too."

Sun laughs at him, because Scarlet hates that. Then again, things did work out awfully well, despite or because of him.