Work Text:
Ana is everything he hoped she wouldn’t be, Buck thinks as he watches her crest the top of the stairs, arm in arm in with Eddie, for the first time. She’s striking, all soft curls and doe eyes and a wide, welcoming smile that gets just a bit brighter when she glances at Eddie. Of course Eddie would date the perfect woman. She’s sweet and picture perfect standing there in her floral dress, a tray of cupcakes balanced in her hands. What’s not to love about her?
“Ana and Chris made cupcakes last night,” Eddie tells them all proudly as Ana sets the platter on the center of the table.
“You didn’t help, did you?” Chim asks. He’s the first to the table, already reaching for one when he hesitates, eyes darting to Eddie nervously.
Ana laughs lightly, giving Eddie’s chest a light pat in consolation as she tucks up close to his side. Buck can’t help but notice the way Eddie’s arm falls easily over her shoulder, like they were made to fit together. The burn of jealousy in his gut flares at the quick shared look between them. Eddie looks so at ease, so happy. Buck really needs to get over himself.
“No,” Ana reassures them. “He stayed far away from any cooking. Chris warned me.”
A laugh ripples through the group as everyone makes their way over and snags a cupcake and introduces themselves. Soon, it’s just Buck hovering near the kitchen island sans cupcake. It doesn’t go unnoticed. Eddie’s eyes flick over to him, a small frown forming. Buck can’t have him putting together any puzzle pieces, can’t have him knowing just how truly uncomfortable all of this is, so he pushes off the counter and saunters over. He snags a cupcake and takes a huge bite, half the cupcake disappearing in one swoop. Eddie just rolls his eyes and Buck smiles, frosting coating his teeth.
“Ana, this is Buck,” Eddie introduces as he slaps a napkin against Buck’s chest with a pointed eyebrow raise.
Ana’s eyes widen at his name, something clicking into place as she glances over to Eddie then back to him. “Nice to meet you, Buck. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Buck just shoves the rest of the cupcake in his mouth so he doesn’t have to answer right away.
Eddie groans quietly and covers his face with his free hand for a moment, like a dad embarrassed of his kid. Ana just chuckles quietly.
“We made red velvet. Chris told me they’re your favorite,” Ana tells him, layers of meaning hidden beneath those words that Buck just can’t unearth at the moment.
He swallows the cupcake and around the sudden emotion in his throat. He didn’t want to like her. It would be so much easier if she was someone he could despise, but he can’t. Because she’s the kind of person who makes Eddie light up and bakes cupcakes with Christopher because his dad is a disaster in the kitchen. She’s the kind of person that takes the time to make Buck his favorite cupcakes even though his only special lot in life is being loved by the Diaz boys.
Buck knows he should say something. Should tell her how delicious they are or how he appreciates her making his favorite. He can’t make his tongue work though; it feels thick and heavy in his mouth, incapable of moving. Instead, he grabs another cupcake and takes a huge bite.
Bobby, bless his timing or his inability to watch Buck suffer any longer, steps over and starts to talk to Ana and Eddie about … something. Buck can’t pay attention because the moment their gazes aren’t locked on him, he slinks away like the coward he is. All of this has thrown him off kilter, leaving him breathless and dizzy. He’d been prepared to ride out the rest of their shift as always, knocking shoulders with Eddie on calls and pressed side by side on the couch as they played video games. He wasn’t prepared for Eddie to waltz his new girlfriend in here mid-shift and flip Buck’s world upside down.
He can feel Hen’s eyes on him so he tries to keep up the charade of supportive best friend, shoving the rest of his cupcake in his mouth even as the bands of anxiety tighten around his chest. He was so stupid to think they could go on like this forever, that he could live in Eddie’s pocket, could call Eddie’s world his world for the rest of his life. Eventually something was going to come along and pop that perfect domestic bubble Buck had allowed himself to fall into.
Swallowing that fact is as hard as swallowing the cupcake in his mouth. Despite the cream cheese frosting, it feels thick and gummy as it goes down. Maybe she wasn’t that great of a baker, Buck thinks belatedly, feeling like he’s trying to swallow a rock. He coughs roughly, finally succeeding in swallowing the cupcake. He could use a drink, but he’s caught Chim’s attention now and the man is giving him with a pointed look. Hen is too. If he looks up, he’s sure he’ll see Bobby and Eddie glancing at him curiously as well. A flush creeps over his skin in embarrassment.
It’s not like him to be quiet this long. It’s also not like him to have only eaten two cupcakes. Everyone knows he’s got a sweet-tooth the size of Texas. Usually, they have to fight him tooth and nail for any desserts that make their way into the station. So the fact that there is still half a platter of cupcakes, his favorite no less, that he hasn’t tried to claim … well it’s drawing way more attention to him than he wants.
In an effort to get them off his back, Buck grabs another cupcake with a smile, biting into it with a little less gusto than before. There is a headache pressing against his temples and the cloying sweetness of the cake is starting to make his throat ache. The only thing he wants to do is lay down the dark, quiet of the bunk-room and let the waves of anxiety slowly dissipate. He can’t do any of that though because he has to keep up pretenses. At some point, and that point is coming quicker and quicker, he’s going to have to say something to Ana. He’s going to have to walk over to his best friend and his new girlfriend and chat like he isn’t terrified of being edged out, of behind left behind once again.
Trying his best to shake it off, Buck starts to make his way towards the couple, swallowing his bite of cupcake. Bobby has left them so they are alone at the end of the table. Eddie still has his arm around her shoulders as he murmurs something to her, low and quiet. Whatever it is makes her smile blindingly up at him. Eddie leans down and presses a soft kiss to her temple and Buck makes a strangled attempt at a cough, breaking the intimate moment and snapping everyone’s attention to him.
His cupcake falls from his numb fingers as he immediately reaches for his throat, trying once again to cough. He tried to swallow his bite of cupcake, but suddenly finds it lodged in his throat, cutting off his air. Panic flares hot in his chest as he tries to clear his airway, but nothing happens.
There is movement around him, voices overlapping, but Buck can’t focus on any of it. Suddenly, there are arms wrapping around his midsection from behind, a fist pressing in against his navel and thrusting upwards quickly. Again and again until finally on the fourth try, the small wad of red cake expels from his lips and lands on the floor. It should be a relief, but when Buck tries to suck in air, his throat feels incredibly tight.
The arms leave his waist and instantly Eddie is standing in front of him, brow pinched in concern as he regards Buck. He’s got one hand on Buck’s shoulder, an anchoring weight, while his other wraps around Buck’s wrist, fingers pressing in to monitor his pulse. Buck can feel his own pulse thundering in his head, can only imagine how fast it feels beneath Eddie’s fingers. It must be pretty bad judging by the way his eyes squint the slightest in concentration. His next attempt at an inhale wheezes and whistles loud in the sudden quiet. Eddie’s eyes snap to his, wide.
“Open your mouth, Buck,” Eddie tells him, hands already cradling the sides of Buck’s face.
He tries to comply, though it feels like his tongue is heavy and thick in his mouth and his face is hot and swollen … Buck’s mind is a little sluggish, but it pieces together everything at the same time as Eddie, if his shock is anything to go by.
“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie mutters, fingers tightening just the slightest. “Someone get me an epi-pen. Buck, I think you’re having an allergic reaction.”
Buck can hear someone running down the stairs, but he’s suddenly having a hard time focusing on anything besides the burn in his throat and the increasing difficulty of drawing air into his lungs. It’s a good thing Eddie’s hands are still holding on to him because Buck’s not sure he’d still be standing otherwise. There’s movement around them, but Buck keeps his eyes locked on Eddie, fingers clenching in the front of Eddie’s uniform.
“You’re gonna be okay, Buck. We’ve got you. Chim is getting the epi right now, okay? Let’s get you sitting down on the floor. Let Bobby and I do all the work. Just hang on to me. I got you.”
Eddie’s words wash over him like a calming tide, easing some of the anxiety swelling in his chest. Because Eddie always know what he needs, how to help him. Eddie’s got him. Eddie has never let him down.
A blink and suddenly he’s laying on the floor staring up at the wooden beams of the station’s ceiling. Eddie appears above him, Bobby on the edges of his periphery. His lungs are burning with each inadequate breath he struggles to draw in. But he’s still breathing. The rest of the world has shifted out of focus, faded away, except for the scrape of air in his throat, Eddie’s hand cradling the side of his head, and Eddie’s face hovering just above him.
He feels things happening, in a muted sorted of way. There’s a pressure-pain on the outside of his thigh. A flurry of movement before a chill sweeps over his chest. Inflating and deflating pressure on his arm. A constant pressure on his finger. He’s aware of it all, but can’t focus on any of it as he pulls in a breath and then another one. It isn’t until something is pressing over his face that he reacts, thrashing his head wildly and kicking out, panic and fear taking over at the thought of something else trying to limit his breathing.
“Easy Buck, easy. You’re okay,” Eddie tells him, drawing Buck’s wandering attention back to him once again. “It’s just an oxygen mask, it’s gonna help.”
Eddie takes the mask from the waiting hands and lets it hover over Buck’s face for a moment so he can feel the air coming from it before he settles it in place. When Buck tries to draw in his next breath, it’s cool air that squeezes through his tight airways and feels like it eases the tiniest bit of pressure.
Breath after breath, Buck draws in and shakily releases. After a few, he can feel the tension in his throat slowly start to ease, each breath just a little bit easier than the last. On his next inhale, it’s like the bubble around him bursts, the world rushing back in with all its sights and sounds. Buck’s breath stutters for a moment as the pain spikes in his head and chest, but Eddie’s thumb is right there rubbing a soothing circle against his temple.
“There ya go, Buck. You’re doing good. A little easier to breathe?”
Buck slowly nods his head and Eddie smiles.
“Your numbers are climbing back up, Buckaroo,” Hen chimes in, her face drifting into view, a relieved smile on her face. “O2 stats are coming back up, 90 percent and rising.”
“BP is 102/54.” That’s Chim’s voice, he realizes, though Buck can’t pinpoint where he is.
Eddie nods along to the information as his eyes sweep over every inch of Buck’s face, analyzing everything he sees. His fingers curl a little in Buck’s hair, thumb still sweeping over his temple in a soothing rhythm that seems to be lulling the thundering of his heart. It’s doing nothing for the way it flutters anxiously every few beats though. Or for the way Buck feels like he’s suddenly going to shake apart right here on the floor between his teammates. He slams his eyes closed against the feeling and sucks in a too sharp breath that has Eddie’s fingers tapping against his cheek.
“Talk to me, Buck. How are you feeling?” Worry pitches Eddie’s voice a notch too loud in the quiet space, but it serves to drag Buck’s eyes back open.
“Chest,” Buck’s voice is muffled through the mask, but Eddie is close enough to hear it.
“What about your chest?” Eddie’s hand moves from holding the oxygen mask over Buck’s face to settle lightly on his chest. Buck reaches a trembling hand up and weakly makes a grab for Eddie’s wrist to ground himself.
“Heart. Flutters.” The tightness in his throat has loosened up so that breathing is easier, but his throat is still raw and enflamed. Talking hurts and Buck just doesn’t have much energy to expand on it. He knows Eddie will understand what he means. “‘M shaky.”
Eddie’s eyes flick over Buck’s shoulder for a moment, tension tightening his shoulders as Buck can feel his heart flutter against his sternum once again. After a moment though, the feeling fades and just as quickly, Eddie relaxes. There’s a soft look on his face as he turns his attention back to Buck.
“We gave you a shot of epinephrine. Your heart is getting a bit of a work out. It looks okay, though. We’ve got you on the monitor,” Eddie gives Buck’s trembling hand a squeeze. “You’re doing good, Buck. We’re gonna move you in a minute.”
As if on cue, Buck feels pressure increasing on his other arm. He glances over to see Chim hunched over, checking his blood pressure. When he sees Buck looking at him, he flashes Buck a smile. The oxygen mask slips and Hen’s hand move in, slipping the strap gently behind Buck’s head and settling it back into place.
“There. That’s better,” Hen soothes with a gentle smile. Her eyes glance up to Eddie. “O2 stats are up to 95.”
Eddie nods, glancing over to Chim.
“BP is stabilizing. 110/67,” Chim announces, slinging his stethoscope around his neck. “Let’s get him ready to move.”
It isn’t until they start to move him that Buck realizes just how much he’s missed while in his bubble. At some point his uniform shirt and t-shirt had been cut open to allow access to his chest for the leads for the heart monitor. There’s an oxygen mask strapped to his face, which he remembers, and a pulse oximeter clipped around his left finger. There’s a blood pressure cuff around his left arm too, one that Chim removes in favor replacing it with an automatic one that attaches to the heart monitor. At some point, he’d acquired an IV line in his right arm. Moving him is a delicate dance of keeping wires attached and lines untangled and making sure all the needed equipment stays with him.
It’s a testament to how depleted Buck feels that he’s completely limp when they slide him on to the backboard. Around him, the team is murmuring reassurances even as he groans with the movement. Eddie, unsurprisingly, is at the head of the backboard and is immediately leaning over Buck.
“What’s going on, Buck?”
At his question, the rest of the movement ceases. Without the world swaying around him, Buck sighs, closing his eyes.
“Headache. Dizzy.”
“Okay, Buckaroo,” Hen pipes up from somewhere down near his feet. “Keep your eyes closed. We’ll have you settled in a minute.”
Between the headache pounding against his temples, the tremors rattling through him, and the ache in his chest and throat, the trip down the stairs igniting nausea is the last thing he needs. He groans softly with each sway of the backboard, fingers clenching tight around the edge. Just when he feels like he’s not going to be able to take anymore, the backboard, and the world, settles. A sigh scrapes its way out of his throat. Buckles strap across his leg and chest securing him to the gurney before he’s moving again. He flicks his eyes open to see the bay of the fire station turn into the back of the ambulance, Hen and Chim’s faces sliding passed his view.
“I need to go with him.”
Before Buck can even crane his head to look for him, Eddie is climbing in the back of the ambulance. He is glancing out of the back of the ambulance for a moment, dragging a hand through his hair before he looks down at Buck. When their eyes meet, Eddie’s face softens into a reassuring smile. He reaches out and picks up Buck’s hand, holding it between his own.
“I got you, Buck. You’re gonna be okay.”
The good thing, the only good thing, about admitting Buck to the ER while on shift is that they have an excuse to linger around the nurse’s station waiting for information. While normally they don’t go beyond the glass doors, metaphorically speaking, today was a day they crossed that line. Eddie would feel bad about the amount of time it’s taking him to arrange the clean linens on the gurney, stalling for time, except he can see Hen and Chim doing the same thing too. He’s never seen Chim fill in a report that slow. And while Hen is thorough, even he’s never seen her take this long in restocking their med supply. He knows they’re waiting anxiously too because the moment a nurse steps out of the glass cubicle Buck disappeared into twenty minutes ago, their heads are instantly snapping in her direction.
They’re just lucky they know most of the ER staff. The nurse, Dani, walks up to them and leans casually against the desk. The easy smile on her face dispels some of the tension in Eddie’s shoulders.
“He’s stable,” she tells them without preamble. “O2 stats are holding steady at 97 and the swelling is coming down. His BP is still a little low and but the palpitations have stopped.”
“How long’s he staying?” Eddie asks, eyes pinned to the drawn curtain of the cubicle. He wants nothing more than to make his way over and see Buck is okay with his own two eyes before they have to leave.
“At least through the night since he’s never had an allergic reaction before. Doc wants to run a few tests to make sure everything is solid before he leaves here.”
They all nod in understanding. Eddie gets it, Buck needs to stay to make sure everything is okay, but he absolutely hates the idea of leaving him here. He hates the thought of walking out those glass doors with Chim and Hen and going back to work while Buck stays here, feeling absolutely miserable in a place he absolutely despises. The only bright spot in all of this that Eddie can see is that he’ll be back right after shift and can stay with Buck, can take him home and make sure he’s taken care of.
“Okay, yeah,” Eddie rubs a hand across his jaw. He shoots a look over to Hen and Chim before he looks back to Dani. “Can I see him quick?”
“Yeah, Doc just left.” Dani motions for him to follow and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to fall into step with her. He does notice, however, that Hen and Chim don’t come. “He’s pretty tired, mentioned he had a headache so try to keep your voice low and close the door behind you.”
Eddie nods, sliding open the glass door just enough to slip through before closing it behind him once again. The ER is a loud, busy place, not the best place to be holed up for hours with a pounding headache. Sliding the curtain back, Eddie finds Buck stretched out across the narrow bed. Gone are his uniform shirts, replaced by a hospital down, the leads of the heart monitor still poking out the top. He’s still got his uniform pants and boots on though, which Eddie is sure he’ll count as a win when he’s alert enough to realize it. The oxygen mask has been switched out to a nasal cannula, which feels a lot like a win to Eddie when he pictures the way Buck was struggling to breath before, the numbers on the pulse ox dipping too low. His IV is still in place as are the BP cuff and pulse ox.
What strikes Eddie the most, though, is how tired Buck looks. He’s still a bit too pale and there’s a small crease in his forehead that speaks of discomfort. If Eddie had to guess, it’s not just Buck’s head that’s bothering him, but probably his throat as well. Those few words Buck had spoken, when he had air back in his lungs, had sounded rough and gravelly. In those few moments before they realized he was having an allergic reaction, Buck had been choking as well, so his poor throat has been through hell today.
Stepping up to the bed, Eddie gives Buck’s ankle a gentle squeeze. The reaction is immediate. Buck’s eyes flutter open and settle on Eddie, a small smile crawling across his face as he wakes up and registers his surroundings.
“Hey, just wanted to check in on you before I have to head out,” Eddie pitches his voice low, stepping up closer to Buck’s side. Instinctively, his fingers wrap around Buck’s wrist, a grounding touch for the both of them. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah,” Buck rasps, voice just as rough as Eddie remembers. “‘m okay now.”
“Yeah you are,” Eddie agrees, grinning at the sleepy smile on Buck’s face. “I’ll be back after shift, but have the nurse call me if you need anything okay?”
Buck’s eyes are already drifting closed as he hums in response. Eddie’s hand slips from his wrist, intent to step back from the bed when Buck’s eyes snap back open. He snags two fingers into Eddie’s shirt sleeve and curls them into a fist, holding on tight as he looks up at Eddie earnestly.
“Thanks, Eds.”
They’re almost back to the station when Hen brings it up.
“So are we just not going to talk about it?”
Eddie turns the best he can in his seat to glance at Hen and Chim in the front of the ambulance. He doesn’t like the smirk Chim has on his face or the curious one Hen is wearing. He probably shouldn’t ask, but …
“Talk about what?”
“How your new girlfriend tried to kill your best friend.”
Eddie’s head thumps back against the side of the ambulance as he groans. He knew better than to indulge these two idiots. He knew they were up to no good just by the look on their faces. Up front, the paramedics have a good laugh at his expense, but Eddie refuses to give them anything.
“Or we could talk about how quickly you ditched your new girlfriend to be with Buck,” Chim adds in, too much cheer in his voice.
And Eddie really doesn’t want to examine that too closely right now because he can only imagine how confused poor Ana was. One minute they were having a good time and the next, Buck is choking on his cupcake. Not just choking though, he was having a throat swelling, barely breathing, panic-inducing allergic reaction to … what?
“Buck isn’t allergic to anything,” Eddie murmurs, more to himself than anyone else. Judging by the shuffling he hears though, he’s caught their attention.
“It had to be something in the cupcakes,” Hen supplies thoughtfully. “It was the only thing he had in the few minutes before he had the reaction.”
“Yeah, but he’s had them before,” Eddie explains, twisting around in his seat. “Red velvet is his favorite. He’s had it dozens of times from so many different places and never had a problem.”
“Must be something Ana did differently,” Chim says. He holds a hand up in placation when Eddie’s glare pierces the back of his head. “Hey, all jokes aside, man. It’s the only thing that makes sense. You’ll have to ask her.”
Eddie knows what Chim said is the truth, it’s the only thing that makes sense. He’s lost count of the number of times they are out at a grocery store and Chris will see those dark red cupcakes and plead for them because “they’re Bucky’s favorite, please dad”. Or when they are out picking up dinner or breakfast or pastries for the team and he’ll see some version of red velvet something, a donut, a cookie, a macaron, and he’ll buy it just to surprise Buck. Each and every time, Buck had eaten the treat with gusto, never having a problem … until Ana had made them.
As they back into the station, Eddie is already trying to preplan how to have this conversation in his head because how do you put that delicately? What could you have put in those cupcakes that almost killed my best friend in a room full of trained first responders? Their relationship is still new, they’re still finding their footing around each other and he’s not sure they can survive this type of predicament. He also knows he should feel guilty for ditching her, leaving her behind with barely an explanation, if it could be called that. But his place, where he was needed the most in that moment, was at Buck’s side and he won’t apologize for that. He would never desert Buck.
It turns out, however, that it’s all for naught. When they climb the steps to the loft, he’s surprised to find Ana still sitting there. She’s perched at the table next to Bobby, a cup of coffee cradled in her hands. The platter of cupcakes is mysteriously missing. At their arrival, both of their heads snap up. Bobby’s eyes sweep over them, tension bleeding out of his shoulders at what he sees. Ana, however, shifts uncomfortably as she meets Eddie’s eyes then looks away.
“How is he?” Bobby asks, breaking the heavy silence filling the loft.
“Stable now,” Eddie tells him, clenched fists slipping into his pockets. “BP and O2 normalized. They’re keeping him in the ER through the night for observation. I’ll head back to check on him once I’m off shift.”
“Good to hear,” Bobby nods, eyes glancing over to Ana. “Ms. Flores and I were talking after you left, trying to figure out what might have caused that reaction. As far as we know, Buck doesn’t have any food allergies.”
Eddie nods, attention on Ana and the way she seems to deflate under their attention. “And?”
“I’m so sorry, Edmundo,” Ana whispers, finally dragging her gaze up to look at Eddie. “You mentioned once how Buck was particular about what he eats so I tried a different cake recipe, one that didn’t have any artificial dye in it. I had no idea.”
Eddie wants to be moved by the notion that she not only listened when he talked about Buck, but took it to heart and tried to make something for him that he would like. He can’t though. All he can think of is what she used in the recipe, what ingredient almost took his best friend from him.
“What did you use?”
“Beets.”
Out of all the things in the world he was expecting, beets sounds so simple and unassuming. He feels so stupid because he should have known that too. He’d been there unpacking the grocery bags with Ana in the kitchen, had seen the odd ingredient but never mentioned it because there were a few other odd ingredients in there as well that didn’t normally grace his kitchen. He never thought to ask her where they made an appearance, just grinned in delight when he saw the tray of cupcakes she and Chris produced.
“Turns out beet allergies are kind of rare,” Bobby fills in, a sad sort of smile on his face. “An anaphylactic reaction is even more rare but, well this is Buck we are talking about.”
A soft rumble of laughter echoes through them all, tension slowly bleeding out. It’s been a hell of day and their shift is barely half over. As if sensing the wind down, Ana stands and makes her way over to Eddie.
“I should get going. I just wanted to stick around to make sure Buck was going to be okay.”
“I’ll, uh, I’ll walk you out,” Eddie offers, running a nervous hand across the back of his neck. As they descend the stairs, Eddie slips his hand into Ana’s and gives it a gentle squeeze. It isn’t until they are at her car that he realizes he needs to say something. Ana deserves some sort of explanation for everything, even if Eddie isn’t totally clear on everything himself.
“Look, about before, I kinda ran out of here without saying anything. It’s just-”
“You were working.”
“It’s Buck.”
They speak at the same time, voices nearly overlapping each other, but not enough to cover up what was said. Ana’s face twitches down into a frown as Eddie finally registers what she was saying to him. She was gracious enough to give him the out, something they both needed apparently, but he trampled right over it. The frown on her face smooths out to a small smile.
“He’s your best friend. You had to be there for him. I understand.”
For a moment, Eddie thinks that’s where they are going to leave it. She understands, she forgives him for dashing out of the firehouse, that they’re gonna be okay. But then she sighs softly, a tiny wrinkle creasing her brow. She glances away for a moment and when she looks back up at him, Eddie realizes they are miles from okay. Her hand slips up and gently cradles his face.
“The things you do for the people you love, it makes you a really great guy, Edmundo,” Ana leans forward and presses her lips to his gently. When she pulls back, there’s a sadness lingering in her eyes that feels a lot like goodbye.
“I just don’t know if it makes you a really great guy for me. I knew that I would always come in second to Christopher and I was okay with that. Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to be second place to Buck. He’s too big in your world and I just don’t think I can compete with that. I’m sorry, I just need a little time to think about all of this, about us. Maybe you should too.”
Before he can react, Ana pulls away. She slips in her car and drives off, leaving Eddie feeling even more off kilter than before.
When a phone ringing shatters the quiet of the firehouse at 2am, it isn’t only Eddie who jerks awake. Around him, he can hear bodies shuffling against sheets, hands slapping against surfaces reaching for phones, the click of a lamp turning on and filling the dark room with a soft yellow glow. Eddie, however, doesn’t have to search for his phone. It’s right where he keeps it every night he’s on shift, tucked up under his pillow so he can hear it ring and feel it vibrate. The fact that it’s his device breaking the silence has dread curling in his stomach because it can only mean one thing. Bad news.
“‘lo,” he answers gruffly, not even bothering to look at the caller ID. It’s got to be about Christopher, he’s the only reason someone would be calling him in the dead of night when he’s on shift.
“Is this Eddie Diaz?” the unfamiliar female voice on the other end of the line asks, startling Eddie.
“Yeah.”
“I’m calling from Kindred Hospital on behalf of Evan Buckley. You’re listed as his emergency contact.”
“Yeah,” Eddie croaks out, dread filling his stomach.
“We are calling to inform you that Mr. Buckley had a biphasic reaction about a half hour ago.”
“Shit. Is he okay?” Eddie’s up and moving, shoving his feet into the boots at the side of his bed, zipping up the sides as he listens to the woman speak.
“He’s responding to treatment, though his O2 stats and BP are still lower than we’d like.”
“Okay, I’m on my way.”
Eddie’s halfway to the door of the bunk-room when he realizes he’s still on shift. He spins around to find the whole crew sitting up and watching him from various positions on their bunks. By the looks on their faces, they can tell something is wrong. Bobby, however, is already moving towards him and Eddie is trying to figure out how to plead his case when Bobby’s hand settles on his arm.
“What happened?”
“It’s Buck,” Eddie tells him, voice edging into panic. Bobby must hear it because he gives Eddie’s arm a reassuring squeeze. “He had a biphasic reaction. Stats are still low.”
There’s a rumble of worry that rolls through the crew matched by the concerned frown that pinches up Bobby’s face. He doesn’t hesitate with his response, however. “Go, Eddie.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice. Eddie races to the locker room, stopping only long enough to grab his bag and his keys before he’s out the door.
Normally, Eddie wouldn’t even think about using his uniform and work ID to get an advantage, but right now, his sole focus is on making it to Buck’s side as quickly as possible. So yeah, he doesn’t feel that bad about badging in through the ambulance entrance and heading straight to the nurse’s desk instead of going through reception and the waiting room. It’s a lot quicker and no one bats an eye since he’s still dressed from shift. He’s able to stride right up to the desk and ask for Buck’s location. And in less time than it would’ve taken for Eddie to even have gotten information from someone at reception, he’s sliding open the glass door to Buck’s little cubicle in the ER.
The image is much the same as before, except this time there is an oxygen mask fogging up with every breath Buck takes and the numbers on his monitor flashing in warning, the alarms silenced. It’s dimly lit in the room, probably both in deference to Buck’s headache from before and to the late hour, but it appears that Buck is resting for now. So Eddie moves quietly, taking a moment to study the heart rhythm, happy to see it finally back to normal. He’s not so happy to see Buck’s blood pressure still on the low side or the the fact that his oxygen levels are hovering around 93 with a mask. The nurse said they were optimistic though, that his body would bounce back soon, its just been put through the wringer today and needed a little extra time.
Some of the dread curling in his gut slips away as Eddie eases himself into the chair next to Buck’s bed. He gently picks up Buck’s IV laden hand and cradles it carefully between his own. Normally he can keep his emotions in better check than this, but today has been a roller coaster and he just needs a moment to feel Buck’s skin, warm and humming with life, to ground himself.
“Eddie?”
Buck’s voice sounds worse, if that were even possible, more of a hoarse rasp than actual voice, but Eddie hears it all the same. His head snaps up to find two piercing blue eyes staring down at him in confusion. His fingers curl around Eddie’s, voicing the question he can’t actually speak at the moment.
“Hey, didn’t mean to wake you,” Eddie says, standing up and leaning his hip on the bed instead. “How are you doing?”
“Okay I think,” Buck replies. He scrunches his nose making the mask wiggle. “Its annoying.”
“Yeah well it’s helping you breath. It stays on,” Eddie scolds gently. Buck just rolls his eyes.
“Work?”
Eddie runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “The hospital called me when you had the second reaction, Buck. Bobby let me leave. I got here as quick as I could.”
Buck frowns at that. “Didn’ have to. ‘m okay.”
“And leave you here all alone?” Eddie asks incredulously. “I don’t think so. We can’t afford you causing anymore trouble.”
A slow smile stretches across Buck’s face, visible even through the fog of the oxygen mask. It does wonders to ease the ache in Eddie’s own chest, to see that glimpse of his best friend shining out beneath the layers of fatigue and hospital accessories. If he’s honest with himself, Buck hadn’t been himself all afternoon, since Ana had arrived. On the heels of that thought comes the reason they are sitting here right now. Her cupcakes.
“We think we might know what caused your reaction,” Eddie tells him, watching as Buck’s interest is piqued. “The cupcakes. Ana used beets instead of red dye.”
“Why?”
And that’s the million dollar question isn’t it. Why would she have to google for alternatives to dye in a red velvet cake? Why would she have to search for the best beet red velvet cake recipe? Why would she have to make a special trip to the store before going to the Diaz house to make cupcakes? Why why why?
Because Buck.
Because Buck is so big in Eddie and Christopher’s world that they talk about him all the time. Because Buck is with them all the time for dinner and movie nights and bedtime stories and Sunday breakfasts and days at the park and days at the zoo and sleepy Saturday mornings playing video games and early afternoons for snacks and homework. Because Buck has been enmeshed into their world since they met, tangled up in their lives, crossing so many lines together they they are forever, messily, hopelessly tangled together. And Eddie wouldn’t have it any other way.
Because one night Eddie made a comment about how strict Buck is about his diet, except when it comes to dessert, because Buck has a sweet-tooth bigger than Texas, and Ana, being the doting girlfriend that she is, wanted to impress him.
Except Eddie can’t tell that to Buck, can’t lay that at his feet without him finding out the rest of the story. I don’t want to be second place to Buck. He can’t. He won’t do that to Buck. Not while he’s in a hospital bed, not even when he’s recovered, because he knows Buck will take on the weight of Eddie’s failure all by himself, shouldering a burden that’s not his to hold.
“Guess it was supposed to be healthier or something,” Eddie forces out the lie. When he sees Buck nod and shrug, he makes a mental note to tell the others so they don’t break Buck’s heart.
“Maybe for some,” Buck croaks out, a twinkle of mirth in his eyes.
It's enough to have Eddie chuckling, nudging Buck’s leg. “Not funny, man.”
“Not laughing ‘bout it, yet?”
“Still too soon. Maybe wait until you’re off oxygen, yeah?”
Buck rolls his eyes, but there’s still a smile on his lips. It does wonders for Eddie’s spirit. He gives Buck’s hand a squeeze.
“It’s still early. You should try and get some more rest.”
“You staying?” There’s a quiet note of plea in Buck’s voice that, even if it wasn’t his plan to, Eddie would never be able to deny.
“Not getting rid of me that easy. I’m here for the long haul,” Eddie pulls the blanket back up over Buck’s chest, making a show of tucking it in at the sides like he would for Christopher. A tired chuckle rumbles through Buck’s chest as his eyes start to droop. Eddie rests his hand on Buck’s head, gently sliding his fingers through those curls, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the top of Buck’s head. A sleepy, content hum comes from the man beneath him before he can think too much about it. Eddie eases back into the chair and as he interlaces his fingers with Buck’s.
Maybe things will work out with Ana. Maybe they won’t. Maybe she’s right, maybe they both need to take a little time to think about their relationship and the future. Maybe he should be a little more panicked over the possibility of losing Ana or the fact that he just kissed Buck on the forehead.
There’s a lot hanging out in his life that’s open-ended at the moment, but watching the rise and fall of Buck’s chest, Eddie realizes he doesn’t care about much else at the moment. He knows Christopher is safe, sound asleep at Abulea’s and Buck is right in front of his eyes, breathing easing out and vitals normalizing. And that’s all that matters to Eddie at the moment. Everything else he can figure out how to deal with once the sun comes up.