Chapter 1: Separate Your Bliss
Chapter Text
"There he is!" A voice shouted as a dog in a suit, tie, and hat along with a small white lagomorph burst into the rainbow-lit room casually. After many cases involving hypnotism during the recent weeks and traveling all over, Sam and Max of the Freelance Police had finally found the hidden lair of Hugh Bliss on the moon. A typical case for the two so far.
"The jig's up, Hugh Bliss." Sam frowned as he stepped into the inner sanctum of the person in question. "We've come a long way for this, my friend, so buckle up. Cause the Freelance Police are taking you downtown!"
Hugh was next to a control panel that had various buttons and crystals on it that were the colors of the rainbow. In the center of the room, a large clear crystal seemed to float towards the open ceiling while seven pillars shaped like Hugh Bliss statues surrounded it in a circle. He glanced up to see the two, but his calm face did not change. Instead, he greeted with his best smile, "Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!"
"He is," Max confirmed with a grin.
"You're just in time for the show! Please no flash photography." Without another acknowledgment to the freelance police, Hugh cleared his throat and turned on the microphone. His voice seemed to come out from the entire moon itself, addressing the Earth soothingly.
"People of Earth! Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss. And now, so are you." With a pleasant laugh, the man teleported from the panel to the inside of the giant crystal in a large rainbow. Sam and Max watched in awe and varied emotions as the eyes on each statue began to emit a colored beam of light in succession. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet rays hit the crystal, causing a large rainbow beam to emerge from the top of the crystal to the planet Earth, bathing it in light. Sam and Max could not help but stare as Hugh let out an airy chuckle of victory, knowing something that they didn't.
"What have you done?!" Sam pointed accusingly while Max waved with a grin as they approached the crystal.
"Oh, just enlisted a few billion followers," Hugh replied with a smile as he floated and twirled without care. "Touch me and you'll have quite a happy angry mob on your hands!"
"Not if we-"
"... reverse the effects of the hypno-beam? I don't think so!" The barefoot man interrupted in a sing-song voice as he waved a hand to form a brief rainbow. "For all in the universe, there's only one force chaotic and destructive enough to stop me now! But you wouldn't do that, would you, Max?"
"Who, me?" Max pointed to himself, surprised before he chuckled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Well, I'm-I'm flattered, but..."
"No, you wouldn't," Hugh finished with a smug grin. "because I'm going to- drum roll, please?"
As if compelled to do so, Max went down on his knees and smacked the ground repeatedly with his hands to imitate a drum roll. Sam gave him a look before Hugh sang at the last second, "Separate your bliss!"
"Really?" The lagomorph beamed as he bounced on his heels at a rapid pace.
"What does that even mean?" The dog raised an eyebrow.
"It means I chop off every part of you I don't like! It's like circumcision, but double the laughs!" Hugh winked and pointed to Max with a bit of showmanship.
"Hey!" Max returned the gesture with a smirk and pointing finger guns at him before his face fell and he blinked. "Wait, wha-?"
"Here we go~" Without further ado, Hugh reeled his hand back as if he were to throw an invisible object. "Goodbye, murderous hand." With a wave of his hand towards Max, the rabbit's right hand suddenly disconnected itself harmlessly from his arm, both Sam and Max letting out a startled gasp.
"Goodbye, gluttonous stomach." With a poof, a pink stomach appeared in front of Max next as he looked down to find an indent in his abdomen.
"Goodbye, slothful tail!" Max felt something invisible pull at his tail, ripping it off of him like it was a cotton ball.
"Ow! My fluffy tail's sensitive!" He exclaimed as he turned his head to check the damage.
"Hmm..." Hugh stopped to study Max and the three body parts that floated in front of him, seeming to look through his soul. After a minute, he smirked. "You still have a bit more bad parts. Why stop there?" Max paled, his white fur standing on end.
"Hey, wait a min-" Sam was about to step forward and act, only to feel his body was slowing down for some reason and that the three body parts were blocking his path.
"So long, prideful foot!" Hugh mimed a yank and Max yelped as he suddenly fell backward and his left foot came out along with a part of his leg.
"Ah! I need that!"
"Bye, lustful ear!"
Max's right ear twirled in place before it popped out of Max's head like a screw. The lagomorph reached with his free hand to rub at the new hole, wincing.
"Time to fly, jealous eye!"
"No, not that! Anything but that!" Max automatically covered his right eye in fright but left his left eye open as it popped itself out like a button. He was beginning to hyperventilate. Sam growled and struggled against the forces that stopped him, but it was too much. Just how powerful was this Hugh Bliss guy anyway?
"Now there's one more..." Hugh murmured.
Max did a double-take as he scowled and bared his fangs. "One more?! You took everything that I could ever need. What more is there?!" It was then that Hugh had a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"What a big mouth you have." With a smirk, the barefooted man snapped his fingers. "And goodbye, greedy fangs!" Before Max could utter another protest, his mouth ripped itself out from his face.
"Gah! Sam, why is Hugh Bliss doing this?" Max's mouth gasped as it floated with the other body parts, circling the rest of his body like some sort of pentagram or summoning circle.
"And with those naughty body parts, your vices are purged from your soul! Bye-bye." Hugh waved goodbye to the seven parts and released Sam from his hold, causing the dog to drop to his knees. As he panted and began to stand up, Sam noticed Max's hand drifting out of the circle and positioning itself higher before red smoke appeared around it. From the smoke, another Max burst out with his fur entirely red except for his white right hand.
"Thanks for the hand, jerk-bag!" The red max snarled happily as he reached from behind and pulled a luger out of nowhere, pretending to use it. "I'm gonna use it to shoot you all! Mwahahahaha!"
The next body part that stopped moving was Max's stomach. It hung in the air for a few seconds and shook itself before green smoke surrounded it and a green Max appeared with a smile on his face.
"Oh boy, a stomach! Just what I always wanted!" Green Max grinned with a giggle as he glanced down to his new belly and poked at it before it growled. He started to drool and growl at Sam. "Now come here and let me eat you!" The well-suited dog took a step back at that.
Max's tail sunk slowly in the air like a dandelion till a puff of blue smoke surrounded it and a blue Max emerged with a sleepy frown on his face.
"Great, a tail." The blue rabbit-thing sighed with a shake to his head as he glanced to see his white tail behind him. "I just wanna lie in front of a TV 'til I die in a pool of my own slobber." Next to Blue Max was Max's left foot that dropped to the ground upright. An indigo smoke billowed from the appendage until an indigo lagomorph showed up with his arms crossed, unamused.
"Ugh! Doesn't any of you have pride or self-respect?" Indigo Max scoffed as he scowled and tapped his white foot repeatedly on the floor. "I'm putting my foot down if we're going to be a functional team." Before he could say anything else, he heard a voice purring from over his shoulder.
"Oh, don't be like that, Pride. You don't deserve to be so... tense." Indigo turned his head to see Max's right ear rubbing his shoulder. He gagged and pushed the ear out of his way. Purple smoke appeared at the bottom revealing another Max.
"Oooooh, look at my gorgeous ear! And my fur is so soft and purple... great for hugs and kisses." The violet Max cooed as he rubbed his white ear and admired his fur. Looking at himself, then at the other Maxes, he cheered in a gasp, "We're a beautiful, sexy rainbow now!"
Max's eye, which had been darting non-stop as it hovered a few feet in the air, got covered in an orange mist before an orange Max appeared. What made him stand out from the others was that Max's original eye remained the same whereas the other's eye was a bright light green. It almost reminded Sam of a pumpkin or some Halloween type of creature.
"If you say so, I guess. I'd rather have both my eyes green, but this will do. It makes me unique." Orange Max seemed to look away to focus on the pillars and the floor, but when he spotted Sam, he stopped for a brief second to wave at the other with an unreadable face. Sam waved back, confused only to gasp in concern as he heard moans coming from Max's floating, frowning mouth.
"Sam...?" Max's voice came out of his mouth, wavering and soft in one of those rare moments that poked at the dog's heart. "No matter what happens, I just want you to know I'm-?!" His voice cut off when yellow smoke surrounded the teeth and a flash of light blinded Sam for a few seconds. From the glaring light, the freelance police could hear Max's voice once more.
"Sorry about that, Sam. I don't know what's wrong with me today."
Sam's eyelids fluttered open in shock when the light died down. The voice was echoing in his ears and smooth like butter, oozing with confidence. The kind that made anyone want to buy what was in front of them while covered in a cozy blanket. He knew that Max played around with his voice all the time, but he didn't expect so much charm in it. There standing before Sam was a light yellow Max with no visible parts of the original Max... until he showed his toothy grin and a golden top fang among the others that were never there before.
"Ah, now that's better." Yellow Max smirked as he rubbed his knuckles against his chest and pulled the edge of his mouth to reveal more teeth. "Love these bad boys over here. Real gold, baby! Time to show 'em what we're made of!" He placed his arms around Purple and Orange, holding them close. Purple giggled while Orange winced, trying to move away.
When all the Maxes were accounted for, Hugh Bliss smiled in triumph. "Congratulations, Max. I just beat the living vice outta you! And to prove I'm not too cruel, I shall give you a gift that will grant you temporary telepathy." With a snap of his fingers, a clear crystal tied with string appeared around Max's neck.
Sam and the other Maxes stared to see the new lagomorph before them. Max was sitting up from the floor with no mouth, tail, or stomach, one hand, one leg, one ear, and one eye. There was a sparkle in that lone eye as Max's cheeks stretched a bit to signify a smile.
All of a sudden, a voice came out from the crystal as the yellow Max blurted out, the two in unison with a dreamy sigh, "I'm pure bliss."
Yellow covered his mouth in shock when the words left. Violet, Indigo, and Orange held onto each other, alarmed as they huddled behind Red who aimed his luger at Yellow.
"What was that?!" Indigo exclaimed in fright as he pointed to Yellow.
"Is he okay?" Violet asked in concern.
"Nope. Just nope! Nope..." Orange shook his head as he squirmed more.
"Wow. Three minutes in and we are already diving into pure madness." Blue Max droned while the green one chewed on his finger.
Sam, confused from what was going on, just blinked at Max. "Huh. I guess that you're still connected to your mouth there, little buddy."
"Go away, rotten Maxes. I don't like you! Shoo, shoo, shoo!" With a wave from the man's hand, all of the colorful Maxes disappeared in smoke, leaving only Sam and Max behind.
"Now, nothing can stop me. I win! Okay, bye now!" Hugh closed his eyes and basked in the energy he was getting from the planet. "Yes, my children, let me soak in your happiness. Mmm, it's so good..." Sam shook his head as he held back a shudder, then turned his attention to the lagomorph.
"Max, are you okay?" He ran up to Max and briefly put a hand to his shoulder before he motioned to the control panel. "Help me grab that pony-tailed freakshow and reverse the effects of the beam!" He had expected Max to snap out of the trance somehow and crawl his way to him, but it didn't happen. Instead, the rabbity-thing continued to lie down and stare at Sam with a vacant eye.
"But Sam, I love that pony-tailed freakshow. I want to have his love child." Max's voice replied through the crystal in a soft tone. The dog froze and slowly turned to him, his face pale and his eyes wide in horror. That was not Max. He threw his head back and howled.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sam's cry of anguish was so loud, it could be heard all over the moon, Earth, and probably the vastness of space itself. When his scream died out, he rushed over to Max, bent down to scoop the rabbit up into his arms, and cradled him, his gaze concerned and determined.
"Max, I swear to you I'll get your vices back or kill us both trying!" He promised. The lagomorph gave Sam the same twinkle in his right eye, the stretched-up cheeks, and held up his left hand which had only the pinky, pointer, and thumb up. Although Max used it in rare situations, Sam recognized the sign language right away when he saw it.
'I love you.'
This was going to be a long day.
Chapter 2: Powerful Vices and Bullets
Summary:
On their way to gather the vices, Sam and Max encounter the Envy Vice who tell them about the vice's newfound abilities and offers to join them in getting the other vices back. As the new Freelance Police trio go out in search of vices, they would find that it wouldn't be as easy as they thought.
Notes:
Thank you all for the wonderful kudos and comments! It's been wonderful hearing some feedback from you. It took me a while, but here is the second chapter of my first Sam and Max fic. There will be a lot more in the future. This chapter has a lot of references, so feel free to spot some. I had some difficulty with this chapter on the flow and how I wanted to represent the characters at the time. It could only get crazier and deeper from here on out.
Again, I want to thank @thathoodedgamer on Tumblr for some of the Vices' names and abilities that you will see in further chapters.
Please let me know of anything in the comments and also who is your favorite vice so far! Enjoy!
Chapter Text
When Sam carried his blissed-out partner out of the chamber to take the elevator back down, he almost skidded to a stop upon seeing the orange lagomorph slumped to the wall across from him, his eyes cast down.
"Orange Max?" He blinked and raised an eyebrow, giving the rabbit a skeptical look while Max waved. "What are you doing here? Aren't you going to head out with the other vices towards the wonders of the Moon and Earth?" The rabbit glanced up to meet the dog's gaze before smiling at him.
"Oh, hey Sam! The other vices left me here to who-knows-where and while that does sound like fun, I stayed here for another reason." Orange Max took a deep breath and stood up. "I want to help you get the vices back."
Well, that was something different that made Sam's eyes widen, "You do? Why?"
"First of all, I don't like this Hugh Bliss guy. There's somethin' going on with him and I don't wanna live in a world where everyone is worshipping him by pretending to be him!"
"But who wouldn't want to be Hugh Bliss? He wants everyone to be happy and he hasn't harmed anyone. I love him!" Max piped up. The other rabbit narrowed his eyes with a frown, biting his lip for a few seconds.
"See what I mean?" He motioned to the blissed Max.
"That's fair," Sam nodded as he adjusted his hold on Max. "But what's the other reason?"
Orange Max looked away. "... I think something else happened to us vices. It happened after Bliss took us away..." As he started to retell his story, Sam and Max looked around themselves as they felt a waving sensation in their minds.
"A convenient flashback sequence. Neat!" Sam grinned.
"Oooooh, pretty!" Max added.
While Sam and Max were dealing with Hugh Bliss, seven puffs of smoke appeared in front of the rainbow elevator, revealing Max's seven vices who were all startled from the sudden shift. They calmed down a bit when one of the rabbits cleared his throat and stepped forward.
"Hello, vices of Max-" Yellow Max addressed the others, only for the indigo lagomorph to point at him angrily.
"Hey, who made you the leader?" Indigo Max glared. The one with the golden fang just grinned.
"Myself since I'm the one with the voice and the shine. Ya should've called dibs! Now that we're out of the rabbit's body and free from that rainbow man, we can go and do whatever we damn well please!" Half of the group cheered while the other half frowned and crossed their arms.
Yellow Max continued, "The first order of business for ourselves: names! We can't just call each other by colors all the time and we all know we're Max. It'll get old quick." Everyone nodded in agreement.
"In that case, I'll go first. A talented lagomorph like myself deserves a proud name. A cool name!" The indigo rabbit stepped up with a smirk, folding his arms behind his back. After a moment of silence, he replied. "Dempsey."
All the other vices just stared at him. A snort or two was heard. Orange Max raised an eyebrow. "Dempsey?"
Dempsey frowned. "I like the name. Got a problem with it? I dare any of you to pick something better!"
The red Max raised his white hand and blurted out, "I like the name Jalapeño! I'm spicy and an eternal flame, baby!"
"Mmm, jalapeños..." Green Max drooled and leaned forward to bite at the red lagomorph's arm.
"Hey, hey, hey! No eating me!" Red Max pushed the other away, holding him back at arm's length with a groan. "Geez, you're a hefty kind of guy, huh?"
Green Max nodded, clapping his hands and rubbing his belly. "That's right! I'm Hefty. Which I'll aim to be once I eat everything!"
"Alright, I'll pick a better name that won't get me eaten! We got the hand of Jesse James supposedly in the office, so I'll go by Jesse."
As the three rabbits picked their names out, Yellow Max took out a notepad from somewhere along with a pen and began to jot their names down.
"Dempsey, Hefty, and Jesse... Okay. Who's next? Oh no..." His face suddenly fell upon getting a feeling that went down his spine and into his mouth. Max was speaking nearby. Not again! Yellow Max covered his mouth and went to a corner to ride it out.
"I don't know, don't know. So don't ask me why. That's how we are, la seine and I." Purple Max muttered to himself in song as he rocked back and forth by his heels. He then nodded with a smile. "Call me Seine."
"I didn't know Max knew French," Dempsey commented, skeptical.
"Barely. Three vague years of middle school plus that giant flea movie he watched one time."
"Do we have to pick names?" Slothful Max spoke up with a yawn. "Sounds bothersome and pointless."
"You want to be known by your vice or color all the time?" Jesse asked.
"Or what you taste like?" Hefty added, leaning over to the blue rabbit with a napkin tied around his neck and a fork and a knife in each hand. Jesse and Dempsey stopped him.
As Blue Max slumped to the floor like a stuffed toy, Orange Max spoke up. "Maybe you can have a sleep name? Morpheus is the god of dreams and sleep." For a moment, the sleepy lagomorph looked thoughtful, but then returned to his apathetic face.
"Mo. It's easier." Morpheus droned. Just then, Yellow Max came back to the group.
"Got that out of my system. What did I miss?"
"We got Seine and Morpheus. Mo for short." Hefty replied, gulping down the utensils in his hands.
"Alright then. I already thought of mine." The yellow rabbit wrote those names down before he grinned, his gold fang glistening. "Cassius is my name, but you can call me Cash. Now that leaves us with just one more name to figure out..." Everyone else turned to Orange Max.
The lagomorph in question straightened up, an eager smile on his face. He wanted a good name for himself. Maybe a name with Max in it. No, something more original! Maybe a Justin or a Gabriel or a Victor or-
"Pumpkin." The six vices piped up in unison after taking one look at him, waking him up from his thoughts.
"You already thought of it?!" He exclaimed.
"Sorry, but you look like a great pumpkin that little kids mistake for major holiday icons." Cassius shrugged. "Heck, I'm surprised Hefty didn't try to eat you yet."
"Pumpkin pie is a dish best eaten for last!" Hefty pointed out. It was debatable whether or not it was a bad thing.
"Would you rather be Tangerine or Clementine?" Dempsey asked. After thinking about it, the orange rabbity thing shook his head and shrugged.
"I guess not. Pumpkin it is."
Just then, all seven rabbity things froze as something went down their spines. Some sort of energy? Or maybe fleas? Whatever the case, they looked at themselves as their fur glowed and sparkled with their respective colors. A single thought came through their minds in unison.
'I have power.' While six of the Maxes had their smiles (physical or mental), one particular rabbit scowled. When the feeling faded and they stopped glowing, everyone blinked.
"Well... that happened," Cassius commented in shock, then grinned as if nothing significant or plot-relevant occurred. "Now, if you have any further suggestions, feel free to put them in the suggestion box on the way out."
"... That's just Hefty." Pumpkin deadpanned, pointing to the green rabbit that Cash grabbed by the shoulders, a sticky note with the words 'suggestion box' written on it stuck on the white belly. Hefty had his mouth open like a trash can.
"It sure is! Let's go, Hefty. We got a ton of things on Earth to eat and take for ourselves!" Cassius exclaimed as he guided Hefty to the elevator. The latter laughed, "Oh goody, I can't wait!"
Dempsey was next as he walked with his arms behind his back, addressing the others. "And remember, if I get harsh with any of you, it is only because you're doing it all wrong. C'mon, Morpheus. You're going to be my assistant and we're gonna rule the moon!" He grabbed Mo by the ankle and dragged him to the elevator as well.
"Whatever." Mo droned in response. The four rabbits descended into the lower levels with the elevator. Pumpkin shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Well, that just leaves us three to figure these things out together. Right, guys?" The orange rabbit turned to join the remaining vices, only to do a double-take when he noticed the wrathful vice carrying the purple lagomorph bridal style in his arms with his luger in his white hand, about to take a leap down the bright hole on the floor. "Wait!"
With his legs dangling and swinging, Seine cheered, "Look, Pumpkin, we're Bonnie and Clyde!"
"I don't think you know those two enough to make that reference!" Pumpkin exclaimed with exasperation. Jesse stuck out his tongue at him.
"So long, sucker! You're on your own. If you'd excuse us, we're gonna have some fun." Taking a few steps back, the red rabbit jumped into the hole without waiting for the elevator as he and Seine sang out together, "TRAMPOLINE!"
"And that's how I ended up here." Pumpkin finished with a sigh.
"That wasn't very nice, leaving you alone like that!" Max stated, his cheeks briefly drooping. Sam nodded slightly, his head tilted in thought.
"If I'm not mistaken, you're the jealous side to Max, right?" The other rabbit nodded. "But Max rarely gets jealous!"
For a brief moment, Pumpkin pursed his lips and didn't say a word. A shudder came through him and he shook his head. "I just got a bad feeling about the vices and it ain't just the jealousy talking! Who knows what they can do to a world hypnotized in bliss or you? And I can't stand seeing the rabbit this way. I hate that! If you really want those vices back, ya gotta take me to get them. All I ask is that you leave me for last. Promise?"
"Well, I do need some help and Max can't walk on his own for now." Sam mused aloud, then nodded. "I promise, Orange Max- or Pumpkin? Is that what you want to be called?"
"I guess Pumpkin is alright for now."
"Pumpkin, I hereby call you part of the Freelance Police in the case of Max's missing vices. Your mission is to help Max and me grab the others and bring my buddy back to normal! Is that okay?"
Pumpkin nodded, a smile on his face as he did a small salute. "T-That's more than okay. I won't let you down, Sam!" With determination rushing through their systems, the two new partners walked to the elevator, Pumpkin holding onto Sam's pants leg as the Freelance trio descended to the main floor. When the elevator stopped, they stepped out and looked around. No other vices so far. Perhaps they had all gone out... that notion was shot down when a certain red rabbit came running out from behind a bush.
"Whee!" Jesse cheered as he hopped up from the butterfly coaster to one of the signs and started shooting haphazardly with his luger. "Take that, nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere!" Automatically, Sam and Pumpkin flinched, ducking their heads down while Sam pulled the white lagomorph closer to his chest.
"I think we found one of your other doppelgangers, little pal!" Sam looked down at Max, holding him tight.
"We're all doppelgangers under the skin, Sam," Max replied in a soft tone. Pumpkin led Sam behind one of the Bliss statues to hide.
"Now what?" Sam asked as he tried poking his head out. The orange rabbit shushed him, motioning his head towards Jesse to watch him. As he did so, the three spotted a purple rabbit hopping out from another sign. Seine twirled around with a smile on his face, vocalizing to himself. "La-la-la, la-la-la-la!" This made the murderous vice take pause.
"Quit movin' around so much, Bobble-head! I'm trying to see how much property damage I can do before I pass out." He grumbled.
Seine giggled. "C'mon, Jesse. You know shooting without thought and a little bit of danger is fun! I love it! I can't help but move around. We're free and we should celebrate!"
Jesse thought about it, then nodded. "True, but don't make it too weird." He held out his free hand for Seine to take, which the rabbit did. When they were ready, the red and purple lagomorphs started turning around in circles like some sort of clumsy fast-paced waltz, their bodies giving a warm glow. The both of them laughed and twirled faster and faster, Jesse started to shoot with his gun again. They went so fast that a pair of hands were slipping from the grip...
And Seine was flung, slamming face-first into a Hugh Bliss statue. The trio winced.
"Throw me again! I like it!" He exclaimed as he slid down the statue with a plop. After a few seconds, he sat up from the floor and glanced to see a familiar dog along with two rabbits coming over to him. The purple lagomorph's eyes sparkled.
"Oh, there's Sam!" Seine gasped. He hopped to his feet and brushed his fur back before he walked up to the taller freelancer, waving. "Hi, come home with me!"
Sam blinked as he stopped to stare down at the purple lagomorph. "Uh, hi Purple Max? Err, I mean... who are you?"
"The rabbit who's gonna marry you!"
"What?!" The trio gasped, each of them having different reactions. Max was smiling, Sam was shocked, and Pumpkin was scowling.
"Sorry, sorry. I got excited and couldn't resist! I'll take it a step back." Seine gave a nervous grin and laugh as he held out his hand. "Please call me Seine." Sam maneuvered Max to free one of his arms and took Seine's hand, shaking it.
Pumpkin put his hands on his hips with a frown. "Gee Sam, aren't we being a tad familiar?"
"Technically, he's you, Onion-Head! And if the vices are as powerful as you say they are, perhaps we should go about this in a calm peaceful way first." The dog reasoned as he let go of the hand. He stared at Seine, smiling. Seine stared back with his own wide grin, batting his eyes a bit. Almost less than a second later, Pumpkin slid between the two, giving a slight glare at the other rabbit.
"I think you should get your eyes checked, Seine. It's allergy season, you know."
"I like him!" Max cheered, patting Sam's arm. "He's pretty. We should invite him to a cleansing swim over the rivers of tranquility."
"Only if we could dry ourselves with the harmony of sunshine and have intimate dances under the moonlight groves afterward!" Seine cooed, then he and Max giggled in unison.
Realizing this exchange, both the dog and rabbit threw the blissed Max and the purple Max in the air in unison, cheers echoing along with the gunshots. While Max fell back down into Sam's arms with a happy look on his face, the other one did not come down. No one paid heed to that. Instead, Sam and Pumpkin smiled at each other as they cautiously walked around the structures to get a good look at Jesse, getting to the task at hand.
"So what's his secret power? He can control fire? Run super fast? Leap higher than a locomotive?" Sam guessed.
Pumpkin shook his head as he stared some more, then his eyes widened. "No, much worse!" Jesse glanced around until he spotted Pumpkin's ears and aimed his gun, shooting right between them. The rabbit yelped and ducked down again.
"Underestimate me. That'll be fun!" Jesse grinned, flashing his teeth in triumph.
"... He has great aim." Pumpkin finished.
The dog gasped. "The horror!"
"How are we gonna get close to him, let alone get the hand back without getting shot?"
Sam observed the room to see what he could use. Except for the C.O.P.S. and themselves, no one else was in the area. His eyes stopped when he saw a statue holding a giant spork.
"I think I got something, but I need a distraction. You hold and protect Max. When I'm ready, I'll let you know and cover you." Without hearing Pumpkin's response or protest, Sam placed Max in the orange lagomorph's arms, then got up to sneak near the spork. Pumpkin sighed, seeing Max staring up at him with hope and high expectations.
"Alright, a distraction for Sam. Let's see what I got... or what you got that could help us." He rummaged around behind his back until he pulled out two trash can lids. "Huh. Convenient."
The two of them got into their positions. After a few seconds, Sam exclaimed. "Okay... now!"
"Hey, Tomato! Over here!" Jesse blinked, then turned to see Pumpkin staring through him with Max in his arms, both of them with trash can lids in their hands and out in the open. The red rabbit chuckled.
"Goody. Moving targets!"
Pumpkin let out a battle cry as he ran away while carrying his lid and Max, dodging the bullets as best he could. Max held onto his shield, laughing in delight at the speed he was going. Some of the bullets went onto the lid, bending it a little.
With the three rabbits distracted, Sam got closer to the spork with the spoon talisman in hand, wiggling his fingers. At once, the large utensil bent itself into an angle. The dog smiled, then winced at a particular gunshot.
"Hold still, Pumpkin-Bread and the Bliss Bun-Wonder! I got bullets with your names on them! Mwahahahaha!"
"Anytime now, Sam!"
Without delay, he made his way closer to the roller coaster while making sure he didn't cause any noise. When he got in range, he waited until the red rabbit was on top of the butterfly and that he was completely focused. Sam aimed for the big button nearby and fired. At the same time, Jesse was aiming for Max's head and fired as well.
Pumpkin scowled, running out of breath from running and dashing. It didn't help that Jesse seemed to purposely miss just to play with them. Before he could do anything else, his eyes widened at a sound and he looked to see a bullet coming straight to Max in slow motion. Without thinking, Pumpkin shifted his body around so that he covered Max completely and leaned forward.
"GAH!" The orange lagomorph tripped and fell on his stomach, Max flying out of his arms and landing safely towards the front of the ride. Both lids clattered to the ground. The blissed lagomorph turned his head back, a worried look in his eye.
"Pumpkin, you have to be careful!" He chastised the other, earning a pained groan in response. Max's eye widened when he saw Pumpkin holding his right ear. "Are you okay?" While that was happening, the ride started up and Jesse still stood on top of the coaster as it moved gradually on the rainbow course around the area. Sam went back to the spork, waiting. Sure enough, after some hills and spiral tunnels, Jesse emerged from the wall with a wide grin and his hand in the air, so excited that he didn't feel anything when something sliced at his wrist fast and his hand flew out. It wasn't until the ride stopped that he felt something was missing. He opened his eyes to find his right arm missing a hand. He glanced up to the wall that he came out of and saw a sign.
The sign read: "Please keep your arms and legs in the ride at all times!" with a smaller note underneath it reading, "or swallow the inevitable gruesome consequences".
Jesse turned back to his hand-less arm, then glanced to see Sam holding the white hand by the barrel, and then to Max and Pumpkin who gawked at him and turned away respectively. As dread and reality started to sink in, his red fur emitted a bright glow that enveloped his whole body.
"NOOOOO!" Jesse threw his head back to scream before he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
A puff of red smoke emerged from Max's arm, revealing his right hand that still held the luger. His right eye sparkled in familiarity as his crystal briefly flashed red.
"Little buddies, are you alright?" Sam asked as he rushed to the two lagomorphs, only to gasp when he saw Max had his hand back and Pumpkin was holding his ear in a pained expression. Before the dog could kneel and take a look, Pumpkin opened his eyes and sat up, shaking his head.
"I'm okay, Sam! Really! It didn't hurt a lot. Just got surprised, that's all." He explained, trying to reassure him by letting go of his ear. The end of it was clipped off a little, but there was no blood to be found at all. Sam breathed a sigh of relief.
"Okay, if you're sure."
The lagomorph nodded, then glanced at Max who was still staring at the luger, studying him. "Huh. All of a sudden, he feels a nearly irrepressible desire to shoot at anything that moves."
"That's the spirit, little buddy!" Sam grinned, only to yelp and duck when Max shot at him. "Not me, knucklehead!"
Max blinked his eye, then placed the gun away and got back to looking worried at Pumpkin, wrapping his arms around the other's shoulders. "You're hurt. I'm sorry I got you shot!"
"It's fine. You just owe me a cool-looking earring for next time." Pumpkin scoffed, standing up as he lifted Max from the floor. Sam looked around to see the damage or if anything got lost during the scuffle. When he focused on Pumpkin again, a bright red rose was covering the hole on the rabbit's ear. "Where did you get that rose?"
"That's none of your damn business, Sam."
Sam stared some more, then shrugged. "Fair enough. Let's go catch some more vices!" Pumpkin nodded. Max's eye twinkled as he grabbed Sam and Pumpkin's hands, holding them firmly as he swayed back and forth between the two of them as the three walked towards the exit.
Outside on the surface of the moon, the trio walked out of the red box where Agent Superball was guarding, diligent as ever.
"Look, Max, it's another one of you!" Sam motioned his head towards one part of the moon where a certain blue rabbit was lying down flat on his back, staring up at the stars. "He made it twenty feet from the box before collapsing under the weight of his own laziness."
"Ennui is one of the five fundamental forces," Max replied almost sagely. Sam glanced at Pumpkin for an answer; the rabbit shook his bewildered head.
Mo sighed aloud to himself, "No TV? Why even go on? You should all just lie on your faces and wait for death."
"Are you sure this is laziness, Sam?" Pumpkin asked under his breath as he leaned to the dog.
"It's true! I got nothing! I'm a failure!" Harry Moleman sobbed from his place at the visiting center.
"I'm on the verge of tears." Agent Superball added in a monotone.
"This guy is the death of the party!" Sam exclaimed, then flinched when he felt another wavy transition. But it wasn't a flashback! It felt like a different kind of wave. A blue wave. Sam blinked to see that everything seemed to be put in a blue filter and that there were tears drops forming in everyone's eyes. Well, at least he assumed there were. "Blue moon?"
"It's Morpheus. I believe this is emotional manipulation." Pumpkin sniffled, wiping some tears from his eyes while holding back a yawn. "He can use his negativity and laziness to affect the people around him like a wave. The only one who doesn't seem sad is Max." The lagomorph in question had gotten out of Sam and Pumpkin's grip and fallen right next to Morpheus, laying on his stomach as he swung his legs in the air and wore his invisible grin.
"You are a wonderful shade of blue today!" Max complimented which earned a groan from Mo.
"No wonder I feel so sluggish all of a sudden!" Sam groaned. He felt like flopping onto the moon and taking a nap, but he had to get the vices back. Both he and Pumpkin struggled to get to the two rabbits, using both their bodies for support. It felt like walking through an invisible murky swamp.
Once Sam stood next to Morpheus, he greeted. "Hey, Pseudo-Max. How's it going?"
"Mmph." Was Mo's reply.
"I need your tail for my little buddy here. How about handing it over?"
"Nah."
The Irish Wolfhound decided to bend down and pick the uncooperative vice up by force. No matter how hard Sam pulled, Mo wouldn't budge an inch. Even with Pumpkin's help, he couldn't lift him.
"Hm, he's heavier than he looks." Sam blinked, standing back up.
"Aren't we all?" Max asked. Before Pumpkin could offer some sort of idea, someone else spoke up.
"Hey, hey, hey! Let's keep the blue shade to a minimum while I'm around, hmm?" Sam, Max, and Pumpkin looked up to see an indigo rabbit walking on air (well, what substituted as air on the moon) towards Morpheus, his dark blue and white feet glowing a faint lighter tone. He groaned. "I knew we forgot something today..."
"Dempsey, I take it?" Sam guessed aloud which earned a nod. He noticed that the prideful vice had tiny tears at the corner of his eyes, but he blinked them away. The rabbit floated down and pressed against Mo's belly with his white foot. Immediately, the blue wave disappeared and gravity returned to its normal level on the moon.
"Ow." The blue rabbit droned in monotone.
"Remind me to pick up the pills on my quick stop on Earth after my rule," Dempsey said, satisfied as he floated back up to his preferred height.
"Hey, Prideful Max," Sam greeted.
"Ahem," The indigo rabbit cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes, his arms behind his back. Sam recognized the look Max always gave whenever he was in "president" mode.
"I mean... your excellency El Jefe Maxwell Dempsey the First, intimidator of the realm?" He smiled when Dempsey nodded. "Good! Pumpkin has told me about you. What happened to you ruling the moon with Mo here?"
"Thank you, Samuel. And unfortunately, I managed to drag him outside until Morpheus suddenly got heavier. Even with my power, I couldn't lift him. So I went exploring by myself for a while."
"You're... psychic?" Pumpkin asked, confused.
"Well yes and no?" Dempsey made a so-so gesture with his hands. "I can make forcefields, use energy to walk on air and make discs like the movies, and I can also do telekinesis, but it only works on coffee cups."
Sam snapped his fingers at that. "Hey, Max knows how to do that too!"
"And I'm gonna improve it! That's one of the first things I'm going to do when I become ruler of all that I see." The indigo rabbit gestured to the landscape around them.
"Wow," Max gasped in awe at this, sitting up. "You should ask Hugh Bliss. He has powers too." Sam and Pumpkin leaned into each other.
"Got any ideas, little buddy? Maybe use his vice against him in some way?" Sam muttered.
The orange lagomorph bit his lip in thought. "Barely, but I think I got something?" Clearing his throat, he then asked aloud, "Why do you want to be the ruler of the moon when you can be the President of the United States?"
The prideful lagomorph put a hand to his chin in thought. "Hmm. It's true that technically I'm still president of the country. Besides, the only ones here are you guys, Mo, Harry Moleman, and Agent Superball. At least Superball gets me, right Superball?"
"That is correct, Mr. President." Agent Superball responded, keeping his tone steady as ever.
"This is why you are my favorite," Dempsey smirked. He air-walked straight to the human and hugged his head and hair briefly. A soft smile graced Superball's face at this.
"But there's an entire city on the oth-" Max began to explain when Pumpkin held him down and Sam covered Max's necklace.
"As we said, I think it's a lot better if you try to run your country first and make your way up to the top. Then you could worry about other moons and planets!" Sam added, scooping up the white rabbity thing and slugging him over his shoulder. "We can even be your assistants and I can be your vice president, following your every indulgent whim."
"I could use a more motivated team for my leadership and it would be nice to see you step up to the plate." Prideful Max mused before nodded with a smug smile. "I appreciate and accept your suggestion, Sam. It's time for a real president to come in! ... I might need a ride back to Earth, though."
Sam smirked and motioned to the DeSoto with his head. "Last one there is a moldy Glazed McGuffin?"
"Please, that is beneath me now." Dempsey turned his head away, closed his eyes, and crossed his arms. Suddenly, a familiar ring of a telephone was heard seemingly out of nowhere. Sam, Max, and Pumpkin stared at the car while the indigo rabbit opened one eye to glance at it. The four of them blinked at each other, silent for a moment.
"I GOT IT! I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" Sam, Pumpkin, and Dempsey suddenly exclaimed as they raced to the DeSoto, scrambling against each other. Max had to hold onto Sam's shoulders for dear life as the four of them pounced into the car, fumbling for the wheel. Miraculously, the car started up and drove off towards Earth, where bigger surprises were waiting in store for the Freelance Police...
Chapter 3: Desire Disaster
Summary:
Back on Earth, the Detective trio manage to get Max's foot back through Dempsey. However, they get more than they bargain for when they meet a powerful group at Bosco's Inconvenience Store, The Desire Trio. As Max's Gluttony, Greed, and Lust run amok, Sam and Pumpkin would have to face the horrors that await them trying not to freak out in the process. Blissed Max is just trying to vibe.
Notes:
Brief notes before I start: thank you for the positive comments all this time. They really made my weeks and I already have two fan art on Tumblr with my vices. Thank you so much!
I'll say more in the end notes, but for now expect some references, fourth wall humor, and a little bit of Spanish!
Note: My Max in general is Puerto Rican. My grandparents come from Puerto Rico. I am still learning Spanish. If there is anyone who sees a mistake here, please let me know!
Again thank you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
On the blissed Earth, the apartment that sat in the middle of Straight Street and Narrow Avenue continued to be bare and slow business as usual... until a familiar DeSoto seemingly fell out of the sky and landed right in front of the building. In the front seat, a giant dust cloud moved about, limbs poking in and out of it until it faded away to reveal our unlikely heroes and their current vice.
Sam and Pumpkin tried to get out of the car, only to slam their bodies by some invisible wall. Dempsey was already at the first step of the building, his fur glowing as his arms were behind him.
"Goodbye, McGuffins!" He laughed before running into the building. The duo looked at each other before growling in unison.
"I get the fire escape, you get the stairs?" Pumpkin suggested.
"Already on it, little buddy!" Sam agreed as he and the orange lagomorph followed from behind.
Max, who could only hop on one foot, stayed in the backseat and let the three have their violent fun. As he watched them storm into the building, he heard a click from behind. He turned to see the trunk of the DeSoto pop up and a purple rabbit climbing out of it.
Seine dusted himself off as he stood up, then blinked as he turned to look at Max. Max waved happily, then signed with both his hands, 'Hello, friend!' Seine smiled back and returned the wave. He suddenly let out a noise that sounded just like a loud phone ring. He winked and put a finger to his lips. "Shhhh." Max copied the gesture with a silent gasp. With a wink, the purple rabbit strolled down the block.
Inside Sam and Max's office, the room sat in its usual peace filled with strange yet familiar memorabilia from the pair's cases.
The peace was short-lived when a white foot kicked the door open and Dempsey ran into the room, panting. He quickly shut the door, ran to push Sam's desk against the door to block it, then rushed over to position Max's desk and the TV camera in the room. He grabbed a mug of coffee, placed it on the desk, then grabbed one of Sam's extra ties from the file cabinet to tie onto his neck. When he felt that he was ready, he turned the camera on and stood next to the desk, a relieved, yet smug smile on his face.
"Good afternoon, America. This is Maxwell Dempsey Reyes, the President of the United States." He greeted with a confident air as he lifted the cup using his telekinetic powers and took a sip at it, then placed it back down. "Now that you are all Hugh Bliss, I will make sure that I address your concerns and make sure your happiness is secured while still leading our country towards a better future! As your president, I propose-"
"Propose this!"
BAM! Pumpkin seemed to fly into the office through the open window, his foot connecting to Dempsey's face as they both tumbled to the ground.
Dempsey gasped. "My adorable and marketable face! Why you-?!"
As the two lagomorphs duked it out and moved all over the room, Sam came up to the camera as casual as ever. He had to push himself with difficulty into the room but he managed. He looked straight into the camera with a gentle smile on his face even when the rabbits threw themselves into the closet in the background.
"Sorry about that, America. The president is dealing with his vices but has let me speak on his behalf. We hope that this year would be a time for change, democracy, and less violence as possible." Sam addressed the audience, then winced at a particular banging sound. He peeked away to find Max's white foot poking out from the closet as the door constantly slammed against the ankle. It continued to do that until the body part flew off and landed right in Sam's open paw.
Looking between the foot and the camera, the dog smiled again and waved the foot in his hand. "Make sure you stay happy and bring good luck to others, such as giving someone a lucky rabbit's foot as a gift!"
Just then, the indigo lagomorph dragged himself out of the closet while panting. His fur was glowing and he lost one foot. He reached his hand out to Sam.
"Give that back...!" Dempsey croaked, then yelped when he felt two light green vines wrapping around his legs and waist. He screamed at the top of his lungs as he was dragged back into the closet.
Sam blinked. "Huh, must be the mold growing out of the closet enacting vengeance again." After a few seconds, a brief indigo glow shone through the cracks of the door.
"Ahem! I can take it from here, Sam!" A familiar voice called out from the front door. Sam gasped and went to the camera to move it towards the voice, showing Max standing with both feet attached and his crystal glowing indigo. With a nod from Sam, the lagomorph continued.
"Like my vice president was saying, we are striving for change in the upcoming weeks and months, so don't lose hope. You'll get your mandatory Fizzball Bats from the mail as soon as possible. Until I get my vices in check, you are free to do as you please, violently if possible... unless you are hurting the innocent. In that case, we have you on sight and we won't hesitate to beat you senseless! Love you, America!" He waved to the screen before the camera shut off.
"That's my president!" Sam cheered and applauded.
Max smirked at that, crossing his arms behind his back as pride rose in his chest from his two feet.
A moment later, Pumpkin tumbled out of the closet, looking scuffed up and a dark blue fedora had fallen on his head.
Sam gave a proud smile to the rabbit. "Nice work, Pumpkin! I see you also found Leonard and one of my other hats. It looks good on ya. Keep wearing it!"
"Think nothing of it, Sam..." Pumpkin slurred a bit, returning the grin. "I cannot feel my hands or arms!" Max's crystal became clear again as Max ran to Pumpkin to help him up. While that was happening, the wolfhound glanced at the bound and gagged human sitting at the top shelf of the closet. He then got an idea, taking out a different talisman.
"Hey, Leonard. How's it going?" Sam greeted as he took out the tape from Leonard's mouth.
"Well, I-" Before the man could finish his sentence, Sam wiggled his fingers, and all of the sudden, Leonard started to gag until he opened his mouth where a rainbow and a crumpled piece of paper came flying out.
"Thanks, Leonard." Sam smiled, putting the tape back onto Leonard's mouth and closing the closet door. "Hey, looks like your paperwork finally came through, Max." Max looked up to Sam and gave a thumbs up, having sat Pumpkin down at his desk. The orange lagomorph seemed to stare at the desk for a while before he shook himself from his thoughts to glance at Sam as well, adjusting his new fedora.
"What's that?" Pumpkin asked.
Sam picked up the paper and shook it before putting it into his inventory. "It's the deed to the United States. And it's still moist! We're gonna need this. I just know it."
Pumpkin shrugged, lightly pushing the hovering Max away from his personal space. "If you say so, Sam. Where do you think the other vices might be?"
"Not sure. I'm guessing the only vice we could certainly track down is our Hefty buddy of ours. Now if I were a hungry lagomorph, where would I go first to eat?"
The three thought only a moment before exclaiming in an instant. "Bosco's!"
"You okay, Max?" Sam asked his best friend as they and Pumpkin got out of their building. Pumpkin seemed to drag himself behind a bit, still sore from earlier. Max's ear seemed to droop briefly, his eye wary as he stared at Pumpkin, then Sam. His crystal seemed to flash between clear, red, and indigo.
"Just worried about you and Pumpkin. That's all." Max replied. As if by a snap of a finger, his expression changed to one of pure bliss with his invisible smile and sparkle in his eyes. "But it's nothing that a ray sunshine and Hugh Bliss's tint routine couldn't fix!"
"Don't worry, little buddy. We'll get you back."
As the three strolled down the sidewalk, they spotted a bent meter pole with Jimmy Two-Teeth holding onto it as if his life depended on it.
"How did it get bent that way?" Pumpkin blinked as he poked at the pole, surprised at how clean the angle was.
Max's crystal glowed a dull red as he scoffed and crossed his arms. "The city made us pay for that one when we bent it..."
"What do you mean 'we', white rabbit?" Sam raised an eyebrow at that. Seeing that both rabbits were frowning, he decided to liven things up by taking out one of his magic talismans.
"Hey, check this out!" Sam gestured to the pole before wiggling his fingers while holding the spoon talisman. The meter immediately straightened itself up, flinging the rat upon it across the street, his screams filling the air.
Pumpkin snorted with a few chuckles. Max gave a soft smile, waving to Jimmy. "Fly free, my brother!"
"That was kinda fun!" The dog admitted with a laugh, only for the three of them to stop upon hearing a loud noise coming from the corner.
Without hesitation, Sam took out his gun, Pumpkin took out a baseball bat from somewhere, and Max... was staring off into the sidewalk. When Sam stared at him, his only reply was, "Violence isn't the answer, Sam." Ignoring that, the three got into position right in front of the store's entrance.
"On the count of three, we go in there with a blaze of senseless glory," Sam instructed with a serious tone in his voice. He used his three fingers to count down. "Three, two, one."
He threw the door open, not too hard to break the glass, as he and his partners burst in, exclaiming. "Random but innocuous comment!"
"Irreverent reply that hints at mental instability!" Max added, a hint of his normal voice coming back.
Pumpkin joined in. "Shaky but determined response to join in while questioning everyone's sanity!"
"You crack me up, little buddies!" Sam smirked proudly and ruffled both their heads. Both rabbits grinned. When they had entered Bosco's inconvenience store in such an abrupt fashion, everything was a mess. Candy wrappers, empty potato chip bags, and sticky juice bottles scattered around the floor. From the corner between the cashier counter and the self-service counter, a green rabbit was hovering around a display of Nat'cho chips, licking his teeth as he grabbed a bag, tore it open, and gobbled the snacks down as if it were the last chips of existence.
"More, more! More juice! More nat'chos!" Hefty cackled in hungry exuberance.
"Holy heaping helpings of high fructose corn syrup! He's eating everything in sight!" Sam shouted, then turned to the disguised store owner as he put his gun away. "Bosco, do not freak out!"
"Especially when people use words like 'exuberance'!" Pumpkin added.
Bosco, however, was not alarmed. Instead, he cooed to the green rabbit, "Attaboy! Eat up so you'll grow big and strong!"
"Please don't encourage him. He'll eat you out of the store and cash register." The orange rabbit said as he put his head as close to the counter as possible.
"We heard a noise on our way over here. Did something happen?" Sam asked.
"Oh, it must be his two friends. I hope they didn't have any trouble finding anything!"
"Bosco, look at me! Look at me!" A voice exclaimed from the bathroom. The detective trio turned to see Seine come out of the bathroom wearing a black tuxedo jacket, a white button-up, a pink bowtie, and a white skirt that seemed to flow out like a ballgown. As he strutted out like he was on a runway, the skirt seemed to glitter in a purple glow. A nearby radio sparked to life playing salsa music. Sam and Pumpkin stared in confusion while Max seemed to bounce in joy. Even Hefty seemed to look briefly, eating a box of caramel popcorn.
Bosco gasped with a smile, watching Seine twirl to the counter. "You look wonderful, dear. Very beautiful. Boys and girls would definitely be attracted to you!"
"But Max doesn't even like girls." Sam pointed out.
"I don't?" All the Maxes in the room questioned at once with raised eyebrows. That seemed to be a constant trait with Max, Sam figured.
Seine then shrugged. "Oh well, it doesn't hurt to try anything once!"
"Just let him have this bi moment." Pumpkin sighed, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose while trying not to grit his teeth. Max ran up to Seine, holding the other's hands with excitement.
"Eres hermoso! I love your purple hue. May I dance with you?" The lagomorph asked the other.
"Of course, mi hermano. I'll lead!" With that, the white and purple rabbity things danced salsa together with Bosco clapping along and Hefty still chowing down. The remaining two detectives were reeling at the situation.
"At least it couldn't get any worse?" Pumpkin offered, trying to be optimistic. Just then, the bathroom door was kicked open and a familiar golden rabbit came out.
Cassius was wearing a spiked collar around his neck along with some dark gray fingerless gloves and a dark purple basketball jersey with light green outlines. The letters were faded, but there was a zero on the back of the shirt. The garment went down to a few inches below the knees. He grabbed some sunglasses from a nearby shelf and put them on, trying to strut in.
"'Sup? Look at my Monstar drip." Cash said, looking to Sam and Bosco. When his gaze met Pumpkin's, he pulled his sunglasses down and smirked, winking. "Jealous much?"
Pumpkin groaned as he bit his lip and his nose flared up, crossing his arms as he pressed one of his palms to his forehead in frustration. It got worse! Why did he jinx it?
"I'm sorry you couldn't find anything else in the back. That's all I have there." Bosco admitted to Cash with an apologetic smile.
"That's okay. I like it!"
Hefty dropped what he was doing and turned to Cassius, waving at him. "Hey Cash, want a sludgie drinking contest? They got apple-cherry and watermelon!"
"You're on!" With that, the yellow lagomorph joined the green rabbit underneath the nozzles of the sludgie machine. Cassius chose apple cherry. Hefty chose watermelon. They counted down to one, then pressed the dispenser button with their mouths opened wide, the cold fruit-flavored slush gushing down their throats. As the song from the radio faded and Max stopped to rest a second, the purple lagomorph smiled at seeing the new contest taking place.
"Chug, chug, chug, chug!" Seine chanted as he hopped up on the service counter to watch, cheering his fellow vices on.
Sam gasped at the display before him, the idea of five hyperkinetic lagomorphs in the same room as him was intimidating in itself. "What is the world coming to?!"
After the two rabbits emptied the machines (the green lagomorph had won due to an unexpected brain freeze for Cassius), Hefty wiped his mouth with his arm and demanded, "Bosco, pasta knobs!"
"And all the knick-knacks that are here for no reason!" Cash added.
"Aisles four and five." Bosco motioned with a chuckle, the two rabbits heading in that direction. "Oh my, those two do have an appetite! Especially the green one."
"At the rate he's going, his stomach won't even fit back inside you," Sam muttered to the blissed lagomorph next to him.
As Max started to sign with a sparkly yet vacant eye, Cash's voice spoke up before Pumpkin could translate, "I have no need for my earthly stomach any longer, Sam. I'm on Hugh Bliss's cleansing fast of lemon, water, and sunshine!"
When the words left his mouth, Cash then screamed at the top of his lungs. "Not again! Dear Lord, I need mints!"
At Max's commentary, both Irish Wolfhound and orange lagomorph hugged each other, trembling.
"Sam, I'm scared." Pumpkin admitted.
"Me too, little orange buddy. Me too." Sam agreed, a determined look on his face as he turned to Max. "As God as our witness, by the end of this day, you will be eating cocoa nougat butter balls again!"
"Something tells me that these three are very powerful." Pumpkin said loud enough for Sam to hear. "This is Gluttony, Lust, and Greed we're dealing with. A desire trio. I don't know their powers yet, but they seem to rub off each other. We gotta keep our guards up." The two watched as the green, yellow, and purple rabbits met each other at the end of the aisle, talking amongst themselves while chewing candy bars and showing off their fangs. They clapped and squealed together, flapping their hands with big smiles on their faces.
Sam nodded. He needed a bit more information. He turned to the owner of the store and greeted, "Hey, Bosco's Mom!"
"Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!"
"What?! I thought you were Bosco's Mom!"
"Oh yes. I'm Bosco's Mom: Hugh Bliss!"
"It's the hypno-beam effects, Sam. As long as that rainbow shines upon this planet, everyone will believe they are Hugh Bliss and stay in this dazed state for a long time." Pumpkin explained as he hopped up on the counter and waved both his hands like a rainbow for emphasis.
"Identity really is a difficult concept," Sam said. Perhaps there was a piece of Bosco still inside the bliss that needed to come out. "Don't you see that there is a trio of troublemakers taking over your store? Get excited!"
"I'm just glad I could be of help to that poor hungry soul and his friends." Bosco smiled warmly as he watched the three vices.
Max went up to the counter, signing this time while Pumpkin translated. 'You truly are a treasure, brother. Er, sister. Um, sibling?'
Sam's eyes widened in horror. "Kindness? Charity? Understanding? When will this hellish nightmare end?!" Before he could freak out, Pumpkin hopped onto his chest and grabbed him by the shoulders.
"Pull it together, Sam! If we give up now, Hugh Bliss will win and the desire trio will take over our city. We gotta stay strong!" Before the orange lagomorph could give more words of encouragement, he turned his head to find Max clapping with Seine in some sort of game.
Seine sang out as he and Max glowed purple, "A sailor went to sea, sea, sea, to see what he could see, see, see, but all that he could see, see, see was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea!" Max giggled with him.
"Stay strong. Staaaaaay strong." Pumpkin moaned patted Sam's shoulders in sympathy. As he let go and hopped off of Sam, he suddenly went still and his face fell, grabbing onto his hat and pressing it against his head. His eyes widened in panic.
"Sam, I'll be right back! Don't do anything too dangerous without me. Bosco, do you have any scissors I could borrow?"
Bosco placed some normal-sized scissors down at the counter. "Here you go, sweetheart."
"Thanks." With that, Pumpkin grabbed the scissors and headed straight to the bathroom
"Remember to wash your adorable paws, pal!" Sam called out to him, concerned. Now that left him with Max and the trio. Pumpkin was right; the three energetic vices in the store seemed more of a challenge. They represented Max's desires which the rabbity thing openly shared for the most part. If he were going to collect them, he had to separate them. He focused back on the situation as he caught Max in the middle of a conversation with Cassius and Hefty.
"We all have our demons." Cash admitted then briefly placed his arms around Hefty's shoulders, pulling him close. "This one's mine."
"And I'm a hungry one!" Hefty added, chip pieces flying out from his mouth as he spoke. They both grinned at each other.
"Hey Cassius, I found some glitter we could pour all over your outfit!" Seine called out from a corner.
"Gimme, gimme, gimme!" The rabbit immediately let go and dashed to Seine, leaving Hefty all alone to eat some more. Now was Sam's chance!
Sam checked his inventory. There wasn't anything that looked like it could help get Max's stomach back, but it didn't hurt to try talking to the green lagomorph. It wasn't like he could eat a tall dog like him. He stepped forward.
"Excuse me, Mister Vice Manifestation."
Upon hearing Sam's voice, Hefty stopped in the middle of chewing his chips, dropped the bag in his hands, gulped what remained in his mouth down, then turned around to Sam with a hungry grin on his face.
"You look delicious!" The green rabbit drooled in delight.
"Look, pal, I need your stomach so I can put my buddy back together," Sam stated with a serious frown on his face, preparing himself to fight if he had to. "Hand it over and only one of us gets hurt."
It only made the green rabbit grin more. "I can't resist the rich, meaty taste of dog and rabbit. C'mere, you!"
Sam gasped at this. He reached to scoop up Max, holding him close to his chest as he backed up from the advancing hungry lagomorph. "Let's not be too hasty!"
"Still I think you're rather tasty~" Hefty sang out with a hungry laugh before he licked his fangs, ran towards the dog, and pounced with his mouth wide open.
In the bathroom, Pumpkin sighed as he stood on top of the sink counter and stared at the mirror in front of him. He put his legs inside a dirt-filled sink and relaxed. The red rose was still on his ear. He slowly took off his fedora, revealing a couple of leaves and tiny stems growing on top of his head and around his ears. An indigo-colored rose had started to bloom at the center.
"Just hang in there, Pumpkin." He muttered as he snipped at the leaves with the scissors, wincing with each cut. "Not yet. You'd have to tell him sometime. After the case. Sam's dealing with enough already. Focus on the goal." He was about to cut at the indigo flower when he froze.
"Why do I have the feeling a shameless reference has been made without me?" Oh no. Don't tell him Sam was doing what he thought he was doing: wander around until something unusual happened. A clatter came from outside, confirming his fear.
"I'm comin', Sam!" Pumpkin exclaimed as he dropped the scissors. He quickly put on his hat and maneuvered the indigo rose so that it sat on the rim of the fedora. If Sam asked about it, he'd say he found it in the bathroom. He jumped out of the sink and ran, shaking the excess dirt from his feet... only to rush back to a clean sink, wash his hands, and then run out.
"Well, here we are in your stomach, Max." Sam deadpanned as he looked around the dark and damp abyss known as Max's stomach around him and Max. Who knew that Max's body was capable of doing nearly anything Max wanted to do? That was on him. Sam yelped when he felt something touching his feet, hoping that it wasn't what he thought it was. "What the hell did I just step in?"
"I'm enjoying the womb-like meditative quality of the pyloric sphincter." Max's voice rang out from the darkness accompanied by the echoing and soft stomach gurgles in the background.
"Of course you are. Now if only we had some light to see around here!" Sam was about to kick at the nearby wall when he was suddenly blinded by a white light.
Pumpkin kicked the bathroom door open, scanning the store. Bosco was standing by the cash register. Seine was dumping a can of glitter all over Cassius. No sign of Sam or Max. He muttered aloud. "Where did they go?"
A loud belch answered him. Pumpkin paled, slowly turning to the source of the sound. Hefty stood nonchalant by the coffee machine, picking at his teeth with one hand while scratching his belly with the other. The belly did not seem to change at all in appearance, but...
"Don't tell me." With eyes filled in alarm, Pumpkin grabbed the green rabbit by his shoulders and shook him hard. "Hefty, where's Sam and Max?"
Hefty didn't answer him at first, drool dripping from the side of his mouth as he was lost in thought. His green fur glowed and glittered with bits of gold and purple around as he sported a triumphant grin. He used one arm to wipe the drool from his mouth, then used the other to drum at his belly. Hefty chuckled then answered in a low growl. "That's none of your damn business."
Pumpkin's eyes widened in realization, trailing down to the white belly as his ears dropped low. Without delay, he pulled Hefty's jaw open and exclaimed into it, "Uh, Sam? Are you alright in there? I think I know what Hefty's power is!"
Back with Sam, he groaned when the lights dimmed and he rubbed at his eyelids as he heard Pumpkin's muffled voice from above him. He called back. "We're okay! Slimy and disgusted, but okay!" When he opened his eyes, he found himself... standing outside? The dog looked around. It was as if he had stepped into Central Park late at night only that there were street lamps to brighten up the area and the park was filled to the brim with several different items including coins, blankets, accessories, and piles of food. There were even some large versions of what looked like weapons lying around. Max was lying down in a big pile of pillows, getting comfy.
"What is this place?" Sam wondered. Were they teleported out? Was it all a dream? His answer came in the form of a card that appeared in his hands. The dog opened it to find writing in green ink. He read aloud. "'Dear Sam and Max, welcome to your new home. You don't have to worry anymore. I'll take care of you and you won't be digested. Only I can let you out. Enjoy yourself inside me! Love, Hefty'?"
Then everything clicked. Sam dropped the card and his face fell.
"Sweet recyclables and junk in a sea of Oz and Hallmark, Max! We're in your vice's inventory! It seems that he can turn your stomach into another world and eat anything and everything he wants." He explained. "While I appreciated the change of scenery, we are on a case and I can't live inside you forever!" Just then, something twinkled at the corner of his eye causing him to look up at the starry sky. A group of stars lit up a bright green one by one. In reality, it was Hefty tracing a heart on top of his belly along with 'SAM' inside the heart.
"Now your vice is just showing off." Sam frowned, then yelped when a deep chuckle shook him and he landed on his backside. Blushing while clearing his throat, he continued as he stood back up. "A-Anyway, it seems that he chose to make this place into a junkyard city."
"I can stay here forever, Sam." Max let out a dreamy sigh, sitting upon his pillow hill.
"I think that's the idea he's going with, pal. We gotta get ourselves out of here!" Sam ran up and climbed on the pillows to reach Max. When he did so, he paused upon seeing the blissed white bunny staring off somewhere. "Uh... Max?"
Outside, Pumpkin was just about to lose it.
He hugged Hefty's waist, pressing an ear to the white stomach to hear Sam in there. His face was flustered in anger and something else. He didn't know when to sob or not. How could this have happened? When this was all over, Pumpkin decided to get a literary agent and curse the writer. But he had to take action!
"Don't worry! I'll get ya outta there." Pumpkin reassured before he stood up and rolled up his imaginary sleeves. "Okay, fun's over. Time to spit them out!" He grabbed Hefty's sides and tried to lift him, but the green rabbit wouldn't budge.
"Geez, you're heavier than Mo!" Pumpkin groaned. Hefty laughed at the rabbit's attempts, picking the orange one up instead and placing him down. He booped Pumpkin's nose with a finger, avoiding getting bitten in response.
"Nice try, Pumpkin Pie! The only ones who are allowed to get them are these two." He pointed to Cassius and Seine who had just come up from behind Pumpkin, the former covered completely in glitter. The lagomorph gasped and found himself surrounded by the three vices, each of them smirking and glowing menacingly as they took a step toward him to do who knew what.
"Wait!" Pumpkin held a hand up, causing the Desire Trio to stop. "Before we continue, what's the rating of this piece and what can we get away with so we don't get kicked out?"
"Like most works of this writer, it's safe for freelance work but it's borderline to the point that it's obvious and the actual fun stuff would be in a separate fic or personal channels. This always comes with the obligatory act of smacking the writer's forehead with a rolled-up newspaper." Seine replied as his fur flashed for a few seconds.
All four Maxes nodded in agreement at this as Cassius took out a rolled-up newspaper from his back and hit the fourth wall four times with it. And one for good measure. Once finished, the golden rabbit put the item away and everyone got back into the conversation.
"Okay then, where was I? Oh yeah, don't you dare exploit or hurt Sam that way!" Pumpkin backed up from the three vices in a defensive position while glaring at them. Then he added, "Max too, I guess." The trio laughed.
"Oh, Pumpkin, why would you think we'd wanna hurt Sam and Max? We're just having a little fun. You should know, you're having fun as well." Cassius cooed. Pumpkin scowled, his fur standing on end as Seine circled him.
"You mean you haven't thought about having fun with Sam at least once?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. Pumpkin blushed a deep orange and turned his back from the trio, pulling both his ears hard with a groan. He needed to calm down and gather his thoughts before he could answer.
All of a sudden, Pumpkin heard Cassius shout in an eerie Max-like tone, "Empty sludgie machine, ten o'clock!" Something moved from the corner of Pumpkin's eye. He turned his head to see said machine flying straight towards him.
"YIPE!" Pumpkin gasped and ducked behind a shelf. The machine missed him and hit the freezer, breaking the glass and making some of the contents spill out. When he poked his head out, he glanced to see Cassius three times larger looking confused.
"Hey, isn't that a little overkill?!" Seine asked, holding Cash's arm.
Hefty cheered while getting another bag of chips, "Who cares? That was awesome!"
Pumpkin ducked back and panted. He needed an opening if he were to save Sam and Max, but how? He spotted a couple of soda cans near him and he blinked.
Seeing that the lagomorph wasn't coming out, Cassius nodded. "That takes care of that. Now we could-"
"Let's play FIZZBALL!" Pumpkin suddenly shouted as he shook a can of soda, threw it in the air, then hit it with the baseball bat he pulled out from his inventory. The soda hit the wall above the trio and exploded, the liquid raining all over them. Cash and Seine screamed and tried to cover themselves with cardboard boxes nearby while Hefty opened his mouth to catch some soda. A couple more cans came flying in their direction.
"Look what you did, Cash! We're drenched in soda!" Seine frowned, then yelped when he felt something pull at his shoulders and grab at him. Cassius and Hefty turned to see Pumpkin standing by the front door with four vines sticking out from his back, glaring at them with his fedora tipped down and the bat in his hands. Two vines had grabbed Seine and pulled him close to the orange rabbit. He raised the bat to Seine's neck.
"Stay back! Six feet! Back, I say, or the lagomorph gets it!" He exclaimed. The golden rabbit smirked.
"Do anything to him, this lagomorph gets it!" Cassius shot back, motioning to Hefty.
Pumpkin narrowed his gaze. "Try me."
"Oh boy, this is getting good!" Hefty grinned as he gobbled his snack down.
"Oh my!" Bosco gasped, seeing the showdown take place right in front of him. All three rabbits seemed to notice the two roses on Pumpkin, tensing up a bit.
"You know... I just remembered, I think I got an appointment somewhere that's not here. I'll leave you three be. See you later!" Seine mumbled all of a sudden as he slipped out from Pumpkin's grip and through the front door before the vice could catch him again.
Meanwhile, Sam was perplexed. All of a sudden, Max started to move, jump, lift things that weren't there, and staring at something as if he were acting in a one-actor play. It didn't help that pieces of nat'cho chips were falling on Sam's head.
"Max, what's going on?! You've been moving around a lot and it's raining food here!"
Sam slid down the hill to join Max and study him. To his surprise, Max had a green glowing dot where his left eye would be.
Pointing ahead of him, Max answered along with Cash's voice. "There's a giant me, Sam!"
"There's a giant me, Sam!" Cassius said out of the blue, which caused both his and Pumpkin's eyes to widen.
"Oooh, plot twist! It gets even better!" Hefty squealed.
"I see... while Max can use my mouth, he can also use your eye. Interesting."
Pumpkin covered Max's brown eye at that. This was bad. With the new information, Cassius could change his tactic should Max try to warn him again. No doubt that the vice of greed will protect gluttony by any means. Desperate times called for desperate measures. He opened both his eyes then covered his mouth with both hands. For some reason, he felt Max do the same. With a sigh, more vines and roots came out from his body as he pressed on his mouth more. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don’t tell him.
Pumpkin didn't need to do too much. Just enough to knock the greedy giant out and hide the plants when he gets Sam out of there. He'd go all out if he had to. But something stopped him and caused him to drop his hands.
"Wait... what if we need to buy more things?" With a flick of his wrist, Pumpkin made sturdy roots and vines pop up from the tiles to create a barrier around Bosco and the counter. "Don't worry, Bosco. I'll save ya. Just stay right there. I'll try not to break too much of the store!"
"Just sweep afterward!" Called Bosco. Before Pumpkin could respond, a large yellow paw grabbed his vines, pulled him away, and flung him across the room.
Sam winced when he saw Max suddenly fly into a junk pile by an invisible force. Alright. The greed vice can grow, Max can somehow see what's going on out there, and the dog didn't know what to do at this point. Just what were Max's vices anyway? He watched as Max ran to a stone wall nearby, trying to hop on it but he could not reach it. Max's crystal briefly turned red and he seemed to frown, then he turned to Sam.
'I need to go up, please.' Max signed.
Sam nodded. "Sure thing, pal." He went up to his friend and picked him up, setting him down on top of the wall.
Pumpkin had thrown some stuff at Cassius to slow him down, but it did not affect him. He needed to be on higher ground. He tried to get up on a shelf in the aisle, but he couldn't reach it. Suddenly, Pumpkin gasped as he felt two large paws holding his waist and lifting him to the top of the shelf. When he glanced down, there was nothing there. Were Sam and Max helping him? Only one way to find out. Wanting to test something, he closed his green eye.
Pumpkin's vision changed to Max's point of view, seeing him in a different world yet also seeing Cassius at the same time. He saw Max's handing pointing to Cassius, cracking his knuckles, then signing right in front of him.
'Shall we slap the sleeper on 'em and make him cry 'Uncle'?' He heard Max's voice in his mind.
Pumpkin smirked. "Can't think of a reason not to!" With a burst of energy, he ran down the shelf while avoiding objects thrown at him. He jumped to the plant barrier, seeing Cash's head right in front of him, begging to be pounced.
"No prisoners!" The orange lagomorph shouted at the top of his lungs, getting a head start as he leaped at the golden bunny with fangs bared and vines at the ready. The plan would have worked... had Cash not grabbed him by the ears at the last second.
"Oh, crud." Pumpkin, Max, and Cassius groaned in unison with the latter grinning.
One senseless pummeling later, Pumpkin was thrown to the wall, dropping to the floor as his vines and roots in the room wilted away. The two roses remained on him. Hefty and Cassius walked towards him but kept their distance.
Cassius smirked, shrinking down to Sam's size. "No one tries to steal what belongs to us. See ya around, Spud. Come back when you can fight. Hefty, meet me by the Pizza Palace when you’re done here, alright? You get first-pick at the jumbo pies. My treat!"
"Okay, Cash. You're the best!" Hefty grinned and gave a thumbs up. Before Cassius left, he walked up to Hefty and hugged him.
"Can I talk to Sam before I go?" When the green rabbit opened his mouth, he leaned closer and purred. "Sorry about that. We'll get you out once I take over the city and get ya a nice penthouse to live in. You're mine and you deserve the best. Have fun with Hefty while I’m gone." He then left the store, his footsteps shaking the ground a bit.
"I cannot see my vices anymore, Sam." Max moaned in a tired tone, his head pressing against a large teddy bear. Sam was sitting down nearby, covering his face and groaning when he heard Cash's voice echo all around him and that he watched his little buddy be thrown around like a doll. After a few minutes, he dragged his paws down his face.
"Seems like everything's calmed down for now." He sighed, then his eyes widened and he smacked his forehead. "Wait, I've still got my magic doohickey! Hope this works..." Why didn't he think of that sooner? Sam reached into his inventory and pulled out the Gastrokinesis talisman, holding it up in the air.
Hefty was about to resume eating when he suddenly gagged. He dropped to his knees and coughed constantly, beating his chest while doing so. After a few seconds, Sam and Max flew out of his mouth and landed in a heap while covered in saliva, causing the green rabbit to double over and pass out.
Sam gagged as he stood up, shaking any excess of drool and other unmentionables from his body. "Something tells me I'm going to be smelling that stench and having weird dreams for the rest of my life. And no, I will not elaborate." As Max sat back up and got his blissful energy back, Sam searched around before finding Pumpkin unconscious. He thought about taking Max's stomach, but Pumpkin was more important. Besides, he couldn't risk Hefty waking up and eating him again.
When he approached Pumpkin, the orange lagomorph had some bruises and there was dirt all over his fur. Sam kneeled and reached over, then paused. His paw hovered over Pumpkin's left eye and hung there for a few seconds. Nothing was stopping him from taking it back. It was right there and the vice was not awake. And yet, he pulled his arm away.
"Let's retreat, little buddy."
With his head low and the smell of stomach still lingering onto his suit, Sam scooped up the unconscious lagomorph and walked out of the store, Max following close behind... until he briefly went back to place all the money he had onto the counter to pay for the damages.
Notes:
Spanish Translation:
Eres Hermoso! - You are beautiful!
Mi Hermano - My brotherI tried with this chapter. At first, I thought this was going to be my favorite chapter to write so far, but it seemed different in my head and I didn't know if it will go over well. Made fun of myself while writing this and I hope to have put some foreshadowing into this. I tried to let it flow as smoothly as possible. I hope you guys like it. If you have any concerns, please let me know and I could make changes if need be.
Hope you like the Desire Trio as much as I did. You'd get a more in-depth look at them in the next few chapters!
Chapter 4: Dance of the Lagomorphs
Summary:
After surviving the Desire Trio, Sam, Max, and Pumpkin decide to gather items to take out the trio (and Morpheus) one by one, starting with a visit to Sybil. From there, they encounter Seine and discover hidden abilities that make him a much more powerful opponent than he seems. Pumpkin must find a way to take down Seine with the latter's skills and charms against him along with Sam and Max. Hints, music, and Canada galore!
Notes:
Merry Christmas, everybody! I've been busy, but I wanted to surprise my readers with this gift update that I'm looking forward to since this is currently my popular fanfiction to date. Seriously, this story has the most kudos and comments so far and I cannot believe the feedback I had gotten from it. I feel so wonderful that I could write something like this and I hope to continue with the Sam and Max fandom to come.
I was (well, am) nervous writing and posting this chapter due to the fact that this is Seine's (Max's Lust Vice) chapter. Out of all the vices, Seine ended up being a fan favorite and I did not want to disappoint or mess up the chapter in any way. I had gotten some good ideas about Seine through Tumblr, but I wanted to balance it out due to the rating and I did not want to break the flow. So hopefully, this mostly original chapter would be great! I had to balance out the Sam and Max humor along with my own and the references. I tried so hard to make Seine's chapter the best it could be without giving away too much for this story and other future stories in the AU.
Also MAJOR SAM AND MAX PINING/MAX ROMANTIC HEADCANONS INCOMING!
Two songs are referenced here: "Stalker's Tango" by Autoheart and "Suavemente" by Elvis Crespo. Just imagine any other songs for the rest.
This chapter may be edited later, but who knows? Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a happy holiday/New Year!
Chapter Text
"Okay, so here's what we know," Sam stated as he pointed to a large piece of paper on the floor. The three detectives were back at the office, sitting on the floor as they were looking at their drawn-out plan. After several much-needed showers, they were refreshed and ready to develop a new strategy.
In the center of the page was a sloppy full-body doodle of Max who was missing an ear, tail, eye, mouth, and had a hole on his belly. His body was outlined in red and dark blue crayons. Surrounding the doodle were sketches of the remaining vices' heads. Max colored the heads with the respective colored crayons while Pumpkin sat next to him, his attention on Sam.
Sam continued, "Max has two of the seven vices back inside him; his violence and pride. Greed and Lust are out to who knows where, Gluttony is still eating at Bosco's, Sloth is on the moon, and you're with Max and me."
Pumpkin nodded. "We also know that Morpheus has emotional powers, Cassius can grow bigger probably with the more stuff he gets, and Hefty can eat anyone and anything into his inventory. We don't know what Seine's power is yet."
"What about you?"
"... we'll get there when we get there." Pumpkin's eyes narrowed.
"Sam, look what I drew!" Max held up a piece of paper for Sam to see. It was a drawing of Max with socks on holding hands with a messy drawing of Sam wearing a white suit and rainbow tie along with a drawing of Pumpkin with the blue fedora and red rose on his ear.
"That sure is… something, Little Buddy." Sam smiled a little, ruffling Max's head with his paw before turning back to Pumpkin. "Okay then. We had the right idea of taking the vices out one by one, but we didn't know what they were capable of and the trio was too close together. If we're gonna capture 'em, it's got to be when they're alone and we keep their powers in mind. We'll have Max back to normal before the next season, er... week!" He stopped upon seeing Pumpkin hugging his knees and his ears drooped. "What's wrong, Pumpkin?"
"I was knocked out. You could've taken my eye right then and there. So why didn't you?" Pumpkin asked.
Sam took a moment to answer. "I made a promise and I usually try not to break them, especially if it's for my little buddy." Pumpkin's head and ears perked up in shock, seeing Sam smile warmly at him. "Besides, who else would keep me company while Max is meditating on early evening hues?" He pointed his thumb to Max who sat with his legs crossed and crayons covered all over him, bathing in the moonlight. The orange rabbit chuckled and shook his head.
"You're right. You'd be buried in bliss without me." Pumpkin smirked. "So, where should we start next, Sam?"
"For some reason, I think we need to go to Sybil's next," Sam said as he stood up from the floor and dusted himself off. "I don't know if you knew this, but she's the Queen of Canada now. If we make some sort of negotiation with her using the deed, maybe she'll give us something that will help us get the other vices."
"I remember Sybil!" Pumpkin smiled, hopping up to his feet. "She's the lady who changes jobs a lot and puts up with our antics, right? She's the best! A little too nice, but the best. I wanna meet her myself!"
"Well, what are we waiting for? To Sybil's!" With that, the dog scooped up Max and carried him out of the office with Pumpkin following right behind him.
Sam, Max, and Pumpkin rushed into Sybil Pandemik's office which seemed untouched by vice and bliss at first glance. Although it was more than unlikely, Sam wanted to hope that Sybil was spared from the horrors of Hugh Bliss through some convenient and hidden detail. He ran to the desk and asked, "Sybil, are you okay? Hugh Bliss shot some kind of weird energy beam all over the planet and now everyone thinks they're Hugh Bliss!"
"Hi, I'm Hugh Bliss!" Sybil greeted in a higher, airy tone.
"Oh no, not you too!" Sam groaned, smacking his forehead. Pumpkin gave him a 'what did you expect' look.
"And I'm perfectly happy, Sam!" As the dog lamented on this loss with Pumpkin patting his side, Sybil noticed Max and her face brightened. "Oh! And hello, Brother Max. Tangerine Dreams and Aqua Wishes to you this day!"
"Why, thank you, Sybil. You're looking especially lovely today!" Max cheered, placing both hands on his chest with a warm, inviting smile.
Sam and Pumpkin couldn't help but gag and stay close to each other.
"This is horrific!" Sam shouted.
Pumpkin groaned. "This day will never end."
"Take it easy, pal. We're almost there."
It was then that the human woman took notice of the other lagomorph, tilting her head. "And who's your new friend? A brother to Brother Max?"
"Kind of? It's complicated, but I'm sort of like a brother. I'm Pumpkin." Pumpkin waved in greeting, scratching the back of his head with his free hand. Without missing a beat, Sam placed both his paws on Sybil's shoulders and slightly shook her in exasperation.
"You've got to snap out of it, Sybil!"
"Yeah, you're one of the few humans we like!" The orange rabbit added as he hopped onto the desk to get close to the woman's face. "At least from what I remember from Max."
Sybil continued to give a serene smile. "Snap out of what, Friend Sam? For the first time in my life, I've got a perfect job, a rock-solid relationship, and an incomparable feeling of peace. I've never been so content in all my life!"
"Don't worry, we'll fix that!" Sam let go and sighed, turning to both lagomorphs as he put his hands to his hips. "Y'know, I've always suspected that when the world turned nice and pleasant, Canada would be the first to fall."
Pumpkin nodded, taking a seat on the desk."I can see that." Max gave a half nod and wandered around. Sam adjusted his hat. He needed some information about the new blissed world and he couldn't just outright ask for something. He needed a lead. He cleared his throat.
"So, how are things going with you and Mr. Lincoln?"
"Simply wonderful! Isn't that right, Abraham?" Everyone turned their heads where Sybil motioned to the couch where the large monument head of Abraham Lincoln stayed at the corner quietly. Sam wondered why hadn't he noticed him before.
"P... Pretty lady." Lincoln muttered. Whether he was also hypnotized or too shocked at the blissed world to react was anyone's guess.
Sybil leaned back with a dreamy sigh. "He has such a way with words. Quite the smooth talker!"
"Such eloquence." Pumpkin added.
"And part of it is all thanks to Brother Seine."
The dog and the two rabbits in the room stopped, then looked at each other, Max's face of delight. "Brother Seine?!"
Speak of the devil, the very lagomorph in question walked into the office. Seine came in wearing a white dress with black stripes, short shoulder sleeves, and a black bow tie near his tail. The pink bowtie that he had worn earlier was now on his head. As he strut into the room, both Pumpkin and Sam's jaws dropped to the floor while Max stared in awe.
"Seine is surprisingly a great relationship counselor for us, Hugh Bliss." Sybil grinned. That caused the jaws to roll back up into place and for one thought to cross the trio's minds:
How long were they in the store and office?
"Sybil, hello! It's been so long since I've seen you last. I wanted to invite you and Abraham to my party. I hope you'll come!" The purple rabbit greeted.
"That is very nice of you, Seine. We will gladly join you after our paperwork for the day."
Sam noticed that while Seine's attention was elsewhere, Pumpkin was resisting the urge to growl audibly and his fingers twitched to make strangling motions. Sam shook his head. They didn't need a fight now.
Seine averted his eyes for a moment, perhaps a contemplative look on his face before he turned back to Sybil's direction and waved his hand dismissively.
"... Sybil, it's okay if you can't come. I know you have your duties as the queen of Canada and I kinda interrupted your meeting. I'll make it up to you. We could spend some time together drinking some rainbow tea another time?"
Sybil nodded. "That is perfectly fine with us. We will let you know when we are available."
"Splendid! I'll see you then. Goodbye Sybil and the Freelance Police." Seine wiggled his fingers at the three, then nodded to the orange vice as he left the building. "Pumpkin."
Pumpkin pressed his hat firmly into his skull, covering his face with his ears while muttering to himself. Seeing this exchange, Sam found an opening he could use.
"Actually, we're here to ask you something and we don't want to take up too much of your time either." He said to Sybil before clearing his throat. At the signal, Pumpkin uncovered his face and got out a map of the entire country from his back, holding it for the woman to see as Sam continued. "You look like you're in a shopping mood. Might you be interested in, say, the United States?"
"Oh, how lovely! We can call it 'Lower Saskatchewan'." Sybil gasped in delight.
Max joined in awe, "What a perfectly delightful name!" He got softly pushed to the side by Pumpkin's foot.
"Yeah, yeah, alright. How much are ya willing to spend?" Pumpkin asked in a business-casual tone.
"Oh, such a grand country deserves a grand price! We simply refuse to buy it for less than one hundred trillion dollars. It's only fair!"
"We wouldn't hear of it. That's far too much!" Max piped up.
"I'll handle this, Mr. President," Sam reassured his partner before turning back to Sybil. "If you insist, your highness..." He took out the deed and placed it on the desk for Sybil to inspect.
"Is cash all right? We've been dying to use the new Canadian trillion dollar notes." She asked as she pulled some paper from her drawer and counted the amount before placing down the exact bills towards the trio.
Pumpkin glanced down at the stack of money, squinting a little. "Is that a picture of Celine Dion?"
"She's a national treasure!" Sybil smiled.
"She sure is." Sam nodded and pocketed the money.
As he hopped off the desk, Pumpkin asked, "By the way, the president can still be the president and stay at the White House, right? ... Asking as the assistant chair to the president and vice-president."
"That will be fine with us."
Pumpkin nodded and grinned. "Good! We can keep our domain."
"Don't forget your Canadian flags, stickers, and complimentary moose plushies!" Sybil gave Sam a box of items with the Canadian flag on them and her smile widened when she gave Pumpkin a soft and marketable moose plushie.
The orange lagomorph stared at the moose in his hands and blinked before hugging it to his chest. "... I'm calling mine 'Gary'."
"Thank you, Sybil!" Max cheered.
As the three left, Sybil turned around to find several white four-petaled flowers that suddenly filled the room. One beautiful bouquet sat on top of Sybil's desk, a couple of red berries growing within the leaves.
"O-Oh my! Our new national flower?" She gasped with a slight blush, surprise glistening in her hypnotized eyes as she smelled the bouquet. "Brother Pumpkin is so sweet. We must thank him and give him something in return when we see him again!"
No one noticed a pair of eyes watching the scene unfold, intrigued.
With the DeSoto now decked out in Canadian decals and flags replacing the American ones, Sam drove through the neighborhood with Max sitting idly in the passenger seat and Pumpkin laying on the backseat with his new moose.
"Not that I care about it too much, but are ya sure selling the United States to Canada was a good idea in the long run?" Pumpkin asked, slightly chewing on Gary's antlers.
Max's crystal turned indigo as he crossed his arms and answered, "As long as I'm still president, I can live with this being Lower Canada for a while."
"Okay, so we got the money to pay Bosco for some device that could conveniently save the day, but Hefty's still in there and we still didn't figure out how to stop him. We also got Cash to deal with and–" Sam was beginning one of his insightful and thoughtful monologues when he turned his attention to the road and he hit the brakes with a gasp. The blissful Max had his seatbelt on whereas Pumpkin rolled onto the floor.
A large crowd had formed through the streets and sidewalk like some sort of block party or festival.
"Holy Peter Piper's Pickled Peppers in Pajamas!" Sam exclaimed, somewhat surprised that he managed to say the phrase perfectly. "Either Hugh Bliss is catching onto us or the hypnotized people of Earth are reviving Woodstock. It doesn't look good for us either way!"
"Stay in the car, Gary. This could get ugly." Pumpkin told the stuffed moose as he placed it on the backseat and buckled it in before getting out of the car with Sam and Max. As the three weaved themselves through the swarm of people, they could hear whispers around them.
"Isn't he amazing?"
"We didn't think he'd be any good because of his vice, but he's not that bad!"
"He's adorable! He makes me want to continue experiencing pure bliss..."
The trio managed to walk to the area where people were forming a large circle as the strumming of a guitar filled the air. They stopped at a large platform in the middle of the street where the blissed citizens of New York were cheering and smiling. On the stage, a street performer sat on a chair and strummed on his guitar as a certain purple rabbit was dancing next to him. Sam, Max, and Pumpkin hid in the crowd.
"I should've known. Just like Max's lust, Seine seems to be all over the place!" Sam noted loud enough for the two lagomorphs to hear.
Max clapped and briefly lifted one of his feet back, beaming. "Brother Seine always brings sunshine wherever he goes." The jealous vice was about to comment when the people quieted down to hear the music. Pumpkin went silent and listened. Was this beat... a tango? Just then, Seine started to sing.
"I know, I know, I know this situation's strange," Seine's voice was alluring and melodic as his movement slowed, almost calculated as he addressed the people. "It takes a little getting, a little getting used to..." He then outstretched his arms in a flowing motion and beckoned the crowd with his hands as he continued.
"Love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me, love me more than you possibly can. It's not that complicated. No matter what they say, you'll never meet another me!"
At first, Pumpkin didn't notice a change. It was simply Seine wanting to grab attention as usual. Then he started thinking. Seine's voice seemed to multiply into soothing echoes as his singing went up in crescendo and the other vice swore that hearts were floating around him and shaped his pupils. But most of all, the spectators leaned to Seine's direction, almost compelled by him in admiration, including Sam and Max! It finally clicked.
"Why haven't I figured it out before?!" Pumpkin slapped his forehead with a groan. "Seine is a siren!"
Sam woke up from his daze and shook his head before raising an eyebrow at his vice partner. "Aren't sirens merfolk who supposedly sing unsuspecting sailors to their watery graves so that they could feast upon them? We're not near the harbor or any river on this block."
"That's true, but this feels different somehow. I don't think Seine wants to eat people like Hefty wants to, but I'm not putting it off the table. Based on what I'm seeing so far, Seine can attract anyone with his singing and voice. He's using it to get popular and possibly make others do his bidding."
"But why a siren out of all the powers in the world? Max is better at dancing."
"Because I want to sing to you," Max and Seine answered in a soft unison. Sam and Pumpkin turned to see Seine walking up to them, the stage now covered with blissful dancers. Seine cleared his throat, blushing a little.
"Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. Big ears, ya know?" Seine pulled at his purple ear with a laugh. "Anyway, thanks for coming to my party. It isn't much, but I try. Help yourself to whatever you want here. I even got the special dog treats you like, Sam!"
“The latest one with the extra bacon and similar to a Glazed McGuffin?" Sam asked with a grin, his eyes sparkling as he wagged his tail. Seine winked at him.
"I know what you like."
Sam continued to stare in a daze, but he put his arm out to his side to stop Pumpkin from approaching Seine while muttering, "Not yet."
Pumpkin pursed his lips and crossed his arms but complied, resorting to releasing his emotions by growing a few vines in an abandoned alleyway ten blocks down and banging on the ground repeatedly where no one would notice.
"I'd love to speak with you three more, but I got to meet with other people I promised. I'll see you later!" The lustful vice blew a kiss as he walked away, disappearing into the crowd. Max waved goodbye and Sam shook himself out of his daze and he exchanged looks with Pumpkin.
"Huh. I was expecting something... different from the vice of lust." Sam admitted.
"Be glad this isn't rated mature and that this has been tagged properly, I hope. We barely made it back at Bosco's!" Pumpkin shuddered. "So, how do ya wanna go about this? A surprise attack? Maiming? Want me to bring out the bat again?"
"None of those yet, little buddy. It seems that every time there's trouble, Seine manages to get away somehow. We gotta beat him at his vice by luring him into a self-indulgent situation he can't resist! But we got to have him away from the public. Max and I will go one way and you'll go the other. If any of us find Seine alone, we'll call for the other." With that, the two nodded and rushed off.
A few minutes later, Pumpkin walked through the streets of the city, searching for any unusual signs or clues to getting Max's ear back. After walking a couple of blocks, he slowed to a stop and he blinked in realization.
"Wait a minute. This scene wasn't in the script!" As if answering him, a stapled packet of paper fell seemingly out of the sky and onto Pumpkin's head, knocking him back a bit and his hat fell, revealing the two flowers. He rubbed the bump on his head before picking up the packet.
"'Dear Pumpkin, due to the popularity of your next vice, there have been a few changes to your general draft of your script. To make it up to you, here is some artwork created by fans. Love, SNJ'." The vice read aloud. He flipped over to the other pages of the packet, looking at the art displayed there in awe.
"These are pretty good actually." Pumpkin admitted aloud. He then shook his head and put the packet away. "Focus, Pumpkin. You have a vice to collect! It's not like Seine is clever enough to have some secret undercover plan and has been pulling the strings ever since we've been separated. That would be silly!"
All of a sudden, Pumpkin heard the metal creaking of a door a few feet away from him. He turned to find a blur of purple going into the side of a building nearby. Pumpkin raised an eyebrow.
"What's he up to?" He picked up his hat, placed it on, then followed Seine into the building. It was dark and empty. Pumpkin could not see what was in front of him, but he could tell that he was going down a flight of stairs until he ended up in front of another door and pushed himself inside. He was in a larger room with the only source of light coming from a lantern nearby a portable whiteboard. Against his judgment, Pumpkin hurried to the lantern. As he got closer, he got a good look at the board and gasped.
On the board were blueprints taped around doodles and post-it notes. It could either be to connect a case or a plan. The words 'BYE BYE BLISS' written in red marker and some certain doodles caught Pumpkin's attention.
"Hugh Bliss would be gone? Cash and Hefty rule the world while having Sam? Seine ruling another planet that looks like a cool sci-fi setting of a canceled video game? What is this secret plan?!" He exclaimed.
Clap. Clap. Clap.
A static chill crept up Pumpkin's spine. He turned his head slowly to a dark corner of the room. An overhead lamp turned on like a spotlight for the source of the clapping. Sitting with crossed legs upon a throne was Seine wearing an intricate ballgown made of different shades of purple that spilled to the floor. His eyes seemed to glow bright with anticipation as he glanced down at the other. Pumpkin felt like a mouse being watched by a snake.
"Well, well, well. Aren't you clever trying to find me out like this?" Seine smirked.
Pumpkin growled. "I knew it! I knew you couldn't be trusted. But did anyone listen to me? No! ... although I'm kinda surprised it's at this level." He figured that this type of reveal would have happened later on like a series finale sort of thing or a climax at least.
"Eh, me too, but I'm sure as Hell not complaining! Looks can be deceiving, not that you didn't know that already." Before Pumpkin could ask what he meant from that, Seine snapped his fingers and stood up. Just then, beings in purple cloaks came from the sides of the throne as the lustful vice stepped down his throne. Pumpkin was skeptical at first as to who these people were until he got a better look at them. They were rats and other animals who did not look dazed like the rest of the Earth and didn't greet him with 'Hi, we're Hugh Bliss'. Instead, they were silent, smirking, and had purple swirly eyes.
"Like what you see?" Seine chuckled. Pumpkin took a step back as the other started pacing in an elegant twirl and smiled with different-looking fangs. "I like the other vices and all, but if we're gonna be staying out for good, I gotta be thinking about the bigger picture! So when you and Sam threw me out of Hugh's base, I had to make my move. Didn't you notice that only those hit by the beam were the ones affected by Bliss?"
The envious vice thought about it before gasping. "Which means those who were on the moon weren't hypnotized. So you went to the other side to– Sweet Petunias and Chives, you're the real ruler of the moon?!"
"I see ya recognize the Moon People from Sam and Max's early cases, now in comic form. It took some convincing from Dempsey to get lost and he was so eager to lead something, but c'est la vie!"
"And I'm willing to bet you were the one who had something to do with the 'phone call' and Bosco's, am I right?" Pumpkin glared. When he didn't get an answer, he tried rummaging for a phone or at least a walkie-talkie to call Sam. "I don't know what exactly do ya want out of all this and I don't care. I'll take care of ya once and for all!"
"You know you could cut the act. Sam and Max aren't listening."
"What act?" Pumpkin blinked.
Seine stopped dancing and put a paw to his hip. "You can't hide anything from me or the rest of the Desire Trio. You're not very subtle. It's okay. I understand. I mean, all the other vices are playing it."
"Playing what?"
"... Who gets to keep Sam?"
It was as if a record scratched in Pumpkin's mind or someone threw a plate to the ground, his brown and green eyes widening as he shuddered.
"I gotta say... although how you're playing this isn't the best, it was a strong start," Seine chuckled with a shake of his head. "I mean, if I were Envy and if I made a too bold move, Sam would've caught on and grab me on the spot. You really think you're better than us, right? Playing the long game till you're the only one left? Trying to take all of the other vices down? Being something that no matter how many times you try, you will never be? Sam's gonna know eventually!"
The jealous vice panted, thorns starting to grow within his fur, but he took deep breaths to calm down. He scowled and balled up his fists.
"Even if what you're saying is true, it's not like you're any better!" Pumpkin growled. "Planning behind the scenes? Influencing everyone around you? Pretending to go with Hugh's flow so he would never suspect you? All to take over the world and the galaxy with Sam by your side? What makes you think that Sam's gonna pick you? For all I know, you're gonna hypnotize him to be with you!"
At the remark, Seine rushed up to Pumpkin with his strange fangs bared and ready to strike, but he stopped a few feet away from the other, composing himself at the last minute. He dropped his posture and strolled back to his throne.
"At least I'm not in denial. I'm not lying to myself or my intentions. I'm ready to reveal myself when I have to. Are you? You can try to be Max all you like and get Sam to like you, but in the end, you have to face it: you're failing at the game you made yourself. "
Pumpkin stared up at the vice, about to ask what he meant when suddenly a door was kicked open and Sam came into the room with Max following from behind.
"Nice work on finding Seine, little buddy! Max told me you were here and we came as soon as we... could?" Sam said as he and Max walked to Pumpkin's side only for Sam to trail off upon seeing the strange sight before him: Pumpkin in a secret lair with Seine looking like a mastermind and planned out schemes posted on a whiteboard.
Pumpkin smiled, a little smug to himself. As soon as Sam put two and two together, the vice figured that Sam would last out at Seine, Seine gets a taste of his own medicine as the saying goes, and in less than five minutes, Max would get an ear back. Seine would disappear and Pumpkin would never worry again! The orange lagomorph turned to the vice of lust, expecting a look of despair and terror. Instead, he saw a confident smirk and a few melodic hums coming out from the corners of his mouth.
"Oh my, how... adorable!" Sam's praises hit Pumpkin like a train wreck. Pumpkin looked between Sam and a smug Seine, jaw slacked as the dog continued. "The way you and the other vices plot the demise of society as we know it is astounding as well as your drawing skills. Even as you plan to do whatever you wish to us after discovering our plan, you're still alluring and marketable while doing it. Amazing!"
"He may be as mysterious as the hue of his fur, but Brother Seine is wonderful in his own way!" Max sighed dreamily.
Pumpkin trembled, his legs feeling heavy as if he were turned to stone. Right before his eyes, Seine was influencing the Freelance Police with just a few hums and a smile. Was Seine right all along? Were the two vices from different leagues? Did Sam like Seine in such a way? Over him? Underneath Pumpkin, sharp roots were growing and moving deep in the earth, spreading the whole building foundation. He felt his teeth sharpen along with the roots. One move and he could demolish the building if he felt like it. He could let it crumble as he pounced on Seine and rip the ear clean off. And it would be oh so easy, but–
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I think it's a good thing everyone believes they are Hugh Bliss. Otherwise, this could've ended up being very different. Right, little buddy?" A large paw was placed on Pumpkin's hat and head, the Envy vice awake upon hearing Sam's voice once more.
... But Sam would be upset. The roots got separated from their connection to their master's feet.
"... right." Pumpkin sighed, relenting to the situation as he saw Seine being occupied with watching Max twirl. Seine was playing the game. He probably wanted Pumpkin to lash out and make the wrong move. If Pumpkin had any hope to get Max's ear while Sam kept being his normal happy self, he had to play Seine's game. The imaginary light bulb turned on in the vice's brain.
"Hey, Sam? I got an idea, but I need your tie for it!" Pumpkin suddenly smiled as he hopped a bit and tugged at Sam's suit jacket. "I'll give it right back!"
Sam chuckled at his partner's enthusiasm, then undid his tie before giving it to the other. "Okay, little buddy. I don't see why not." Pumpkin's grin grew as he placed the tie around his neck, tightening it, and then posed to show himself off.
The tie was almost twice his size and it dragged to the ground in front of him. And it was crooked. And it was at this point, Pumpkin did not know about fancy clothes such as ties at all.
"I didn't think this through." He admitted. Sam laughed again and bent to Pumpkin's level, fixing the tie so it would not drag as much. Pumpkin held still, averting his eyes as he blushed. Sam then fixed Pumpkin's fedora and his two roses before standing up.
"Hmmm, not bad. You are the defintion of... suavemente ?" Sam guessed. It was Pumpkin's turn to laugh.
"Nice try, Sam. Now follow my lead and for now, leave the multilingual to the professionals." He cracked his knuckles before calling out. "Hey, Seine!"
"What now? Can't you see mi hermano and I are having a deep conversation about the proper ways of doing tai chi in chocolate?" Seine frowned a little, ready to call his followers to action if need be. Pumpkin started to approach the throne.
"Sorry about that. I was just thinking... before you serenade us or whatever it is you're gonna do, may I have a last request?"
Seine was about to protest when he saw the expected eyes of Sam and Max. He nodded for the other to continue. When Pumpkin was in front of the throne, he got on one knee and stretched out his hand towards the other.
"Maxwell Seine Reyes, would you do me the honor... of dancing with me?" Pumpkin asked, locking eyes with the other in a serious tone.
Sam's jaw dropped open at that. He had not expected this outcome at all. Now it was Seine's turn to freeze and blink.
"E-Excuse me?"
"You heard me. I realized that I can't beat you at your game and as Granada always says, 'If ya can't beat 'em, dance with 'em at the Boricua Block Party'. If this is going to be the end of the Freelance Police, then I rather go down indulging myself. So what do ya say?"
"Can I be your best man?" Max whispered to Pumpkin with an optimistic grin, earning a nonchalant shove. Seine turned to Sam for some type of answer, but Sam shrugged. After minutes pass, Seine got up and stood in front of Pumpkin, grabbing the lagomorph's hand and pulling him up to his feet.
"I guess one dance couldn't hurt," Seine admitted. Pumpkin smirked.
"Good. I know just the song." Without another word, Pumpkin reached behind his back and took out a medium-sized stereo that came with the tape deck, radio, antenna, and cd player. He pressed the 'play' button, then tossed the radio to one of the Moon Citizens who caught it with ease. "Hold this for me, will ya?"
"Suavemente, bésame!" The radio blared, startling Seine as Pumpkin took his paws and held them in position. When the beat came alive, that was when Pumpkin started moving, leading Seine in taking fast-paced steps and swaying his hips in a salsa.
At first, Seine did not know what to think. What would Pumpkin accomplish dancing at a time like this? He searched around the room. Sam was clapping along to the beat, Max was swaying a little, and his followers... were dancing as well in place–
Wait, what? He did not order them to dance. Unless... Seine glanced down to find something attached to his minions' legs. Something that looked like roots or vines that were hidden through the shadows of the room. Oh no. As if sensing the hit of realization, Pumpkin grinned triumphantly as his grip tightened.
"Shall we take this outside?" Before the purple lagomorph could protest, Pumpkin pulled him, dancing with him to exit the building with the Moon citizens following from behind. Sam watched as he whistled, impressed.
"I haven't seen a case go off the rails this fast since our run-in with the Were-Alligator gang stealing the subways!" Sam said to himself. He glanced back to see his blissed partner holding his arms up in the air.
"Dance, please?"
Sam blinked, then smirked. "Can't think of a reason not to!"
In a matter of minutes, the streets of New York were once again filled with dancers and song. It was like West Side Story , but with different species and hypnotism.
Seine was silently panicking. He wanted to take back control, but there was too much commotion at once. One wrong move and either Hugh Bliss would catch on to the plan or Sam would intervene and take Seine's ear instead. He cursed at Pumpkin. He shouldn't have underestimated the Envious vice. He needed to keep his guard up and act before-
"Mind if I cut a rug with you?" A familiar voice asked as someone tapped Seine's shoulder. In seconds, Seine was twirled out of Pumpkin's hands and Sam was towering over him instead.
"S-Sure, Sam. And dance while we're at it!" Seine blushed and moved along with Sam as the music transitioned smoothly to a slower song and the two of them waltzed. A quick check around the street to see the crowds of people dancing around, but no sign of Pumpkin or Max yet.
This was perfect. Seine would charm Sam so he would listen. He'll lure him to the ultimate plan, take out Max's eye and Pumpkin, leaving Max be, and Sam would finally be his! And if it did not work, he always had his fangs to help him out. It was brilliant! As Seine took in the slow pace and glanced to look into Sam's eyes, time slowed and his vision changed. It seemed as if he and Sam were the only people in the world. Seine slow-dancing with Samuel Dog Harrison with a ball gown and Sam smiling at him warmly? It was a dream come true and in a few seconds, it could be his forever.
It was then that a wave of confusion smacked Seine in the face, followed by a stream of questions. Why did it take so long? Why did it not feel natural? And why did Seine feel empty all of a sudden? This moment should make him feel happy. Loved. And then it clicked.
Max didn't know what love really was.
Seine wanted to believe in true love. The one talked about in fairytales, daydreams, and attempted poorly at cheesy romantic comedies on television. He would joke about it or pretend that he was feeling it, but he did not feel it. At least the one people talk about. The type of love that makes you do crazy things, have faith in your partner, grow old together, and want to earn it no matter how long it takes. Before being separated as a vice, Seine knew that for Max, love was a confusing mystery that made him gag sometimes. With Sam, there was a spark that was there, but Max did not directly act upon it. He figured that with time, true love would find a way to let Sam know about him.
But this? What Seine was about to do? This was not true love. Sam was influenced by the vice's charms and he was already occupied with the current case. Seine had thought that if he got rid of Hugh Bliss quickly and subtly, he could avoid the situation altogether. But even with that, there was still the possibility that Sam did not like him the same way. Seine did not know what true love was exactly, but he knew that it had to be earned and mutual. He wanted Sam to love him willingly without siren abilities, pheromones, or any other type of power.
For a moment, Seine and Sam froze in place. Against his feelings and judgment, Seine knew what he had to do. He inhaled sharply, then let out a shaky breath as he put his siren magic to use. When time resumed and Seine saw that he was in the present setting, he gave Sam a winning smile.
"Sam, please grab me by the ears!"
Sam raised an eyebrow. "... you are aware that there might be minors reading this–"
"Just do it!" Seine closed his eyes, leading his fate up to chance as he tried not to tremble. The suspension was going to ruin him.
Suddenly, there was a tug. And a loud pop.
Seine opened his eyes with a startled gasp, staring at the white ear that was in Sam's paw. His lips quivered as he tentatively poked at the hole on his head where his right ear should be. Sam was equally shocked. Before the two could speak, a new sound caught Seine's left ear. He turned his head, now spotting the missing lagomorphs a few twenty feet away. The music was fading, but the violet rabbit could sense the music had changed to a faster rhythm. Max was blissed and smiling as ever, his movement flowing like a breeze whereas Pumpkin was more sharp turns and intricate like the plants he grows. Both were wild and imperfect, two qualities Sam seemed to love the most about his partner.
Seine stared at the two rabbits dancing without a care in the world, then back at Sam who was still holding him in the waltz position. He resisted the urge to tear up as he gave the dog a more gentle smile.
"Thank you, Sam." Was Seine's soft response before he faded away in a glowing purple mist.
Sam blinked as if he had just woken up from something even though he was partly aware of what was happening. With Seine gone, the purple aura coming from the Moon Citizens went away... only to be replaced by Bliss. Oh well. The Freelance Police would fix that soon. Before Sam could comment, light-pitched laughter graced his ears that made him turn around.
Max was dancing. And laughing. With Pumpkin. Huh.
"Whee! Why do I feel like grabbing my own ears and indulging in life's simple pleasures and attention while doing things not safe in a public setting?" Max asked in his normal accent as his crystal turned violet and his missing ear appeared back on his head.
"Shut up and dance!" Pumpkin replied, not noticing any changes yet. He did feel that his roots were not necessary anymore, so he released them once more. He and Max might as well finish the dance while Sam went to collect the next vice. As the music reached its conclusion, Pumpkin twirled Max rapidly before throwing him up into the sky, a flurry of red, indigo, and now violet flowers escaping his arms and joining Max as he did so. A purple rose grew from Pumpkin's right ear, but he ignored it as he caught Max and dipped him at the end of the song. Everyone around them applauded.
"My hero!" Max cheered in his blissful voice. He stared up at Pumpkin, taking in his appearance along with the three flowers on him. Max then added in a softer tone close to his normal voice as his crystal was a mix between white and purple, "You're wonderful."
Pumpkin froze, his mouth falling open as the flowers showered the two. In response, the orange lagomorph dropped Max with a scowl and dusted himself, beginning to take off Sam's tie.
Almost halfway there and he still was not ready for the end.
Chapter 5: Giving Into Gluttony
Summary:
After getting Max's ear back, the trio makes a short trip to the moon to retrace their steps and gather an object that might help with getting Hefty and buying a convenient item from Bosco. However, as the number of Max's vices decreases, Pumpkin wilts into an emotional spiral that wants to sprout to the surface but he holds it in for Sam as he thinks of a plan...
Notes:
Hey, guys! This is kind of a short chapter update, but I promise that the following three chapters will be chock-full of original content and angst along with fluff and action in a longer format.
I knew that this chapter was going to be shorter compared to the others (because the debut of the remaining vices requires more detail and writing), but I'm shocked at how this came out the way it did. I wanted to delve deep into Hefty as a character in this chapter and trust me, there's more to him that I will reveal in other fics and one-shots, but due to the situation in the scene and the flow of the story, I mostly stuck with canon for this chapter. I did mix in some hints and diverged a little. Do not worry. I will get more into Hefty another time.
It took a while to connect scenes together and come up with a plausible ending to the chapter, but I'm glad I figured something out. I'm going to take my time with the next three chapters and focus on improving my writing skills.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter! The next three will be epic. And before I forget, I'm going to graduate with my Creative Writing degree in May!!! Ah~
Chapter Text
Pumpkin sighed, his face pressing against the car door even when the DeSoto broke through the atmosphere once more on its way to the moon. He sat in the backseat while Max took the passenger seat and Sam drove. Holding his moose plushie close, Pumpkin stared particularly at the reflection of his three roses desperate to poke out and display themselves
"It seems that we've been traveling between the Earth and the Moon a lot lately." Pumpkin mumbled aloud.
"To be fair, we are on the lookout for Cash while doing so. For a growing rabbity-like thing, he's hard to find." Sam responded as he drove.
"He's clever than he looks and has a way with words," Max added with his invisible smile as always.
Sam continued, "I figure that if he gets big enough, his shiny fur coat could be seen from the moon. That's why we're doing it this way."
"That and the writer is stalling for time..." Pumpkin muttered.
"What?"
"What?"
"We're here!" Max cheered as the Desoto was descending to the surface of the moon. "Do you think we could visit Hugh Bliss and bask in his inspirational hues?"
"No." Sam and Pumpkin deadpanned. When the Desoto landed and parked, the trio hopped out without delay while Gary the Moose was buckled in once again. As they walked, they noticed the moon has a slight blue tint, but relatively looked the same and the gravity did not change at least.
They were also surprised to see that Agent Superball was hugging Morpheus to his chest, the blue rabbit supported by the human's hands. However, he still stayed in the exact spot he was standing in. Sam had a hopeful smile on his face, but before he could go over to pry the bunny away, Superball glanced at him.
"Don't even think about it, sir. I have been compelled to hold him and Morpheus has attached to my body like an adhesive. Sorry." To test it, Sam tried anyway to pull the two away only to fall back at the force. Mo would not budge.
"I thought you didn't want to move." Pumpkin glared at Morpheus. The blue lagomorph did a half-shrug.
"Dempsey likes 'im." Mo yawned. Nonetheless, Superball let the trio of detectives inside Bliss's headquarters.
Back at the Blister of Tranquility, everything was right where the trio left it. The rollercoaster, the C.O.P.S., the chicken wearing eyeglasses and clothes, the rainbows...
Wait, chicken? That's new! In recognition, the Freelance Police ran up to the chicken with excitement and relief.
"Mr. Featherly–" Sam began when Pumpkin piped up with a grin, "Philo Pennyworth."
"Finally, someone who can distinguish between fantasy and reality! I like this new fellow of yours!" Philo cheered in relief. The grin dropped into a frown.
"What is that supposed to mean?" The orange rabbit put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot.
"Anyway, you're still here on the moon?" Sam asked. "I thought everyone else besides Superball went back on Earth."
"Well, once the rainbow of lagomorphs started running around, I took cover so I can stay and expand my skills here," Philo explained, a determined look in his eyes. "I'm not going to let several versions of your partner deter me from my pursuit of knowledge."
"Okay, so what's with the hat?" Pumpkin motioned to the top hat in front of Philo.
"I'm pursuing new opportunities in the entertainment field."
"By pulling rabbits out of it?" Sam suggested, picking up Max by both ears and lifting him a few feet in the air which prompted a soft 'whee!' from Max.
"No, rats. Or at least I'm trying to. Now, silence! I believe this time, I have finally mastered the pinnacle of prestidigitation, the legendary... rat from the Hat!" The trio gave Philo some space. Philo looked at the hat before he placed his beak inside and grabbed whatever he found. When he pulled back up, he held the back of Jimmy Two-Teeth in his beak.
"Ah, so that's where he went." Pumpkin commented. Sam gasped while Max applauded in amusement. After a few seconds, Philo dropped Jimmy with a disgusted shudder.
"Ugh, I just remembered. I can't stand rats! They are vile vermin!" Philo sputtered.
"Smile when you say that, Beaky!" Jimmy barked.
"Beaky?!"
"Sheesh, I hate this pulling me out of the hat business. Next time, I'll find something better to hang on to. A different job!" Jimmy scowled as he stomped his foot down. He then looked up at Pumpkin nearby him for a few seconds. "... By any chance, are you in the carriage-driving business?"
At that, the orange lagomorph punted the rat across the room.
Philo shook his head. "Oh dear, no. There won't be a next time. I shall never do this trick again. In fact, I would appreciate it if you three would be so good as to remove that hat from my presence!"
"Sure!" Sam nodded and picked up the top hat as he placed it in his inventory and began to walk off with Max in tow. "I think that's everything we have forgotten so far. Back to Earth! Come on, Pumpkin!"
"Wait for me!" Pumpkin called out, running to catch up to the Freelance Police. As Philo Pennyworth watched the three leave, he gasped in shock upon seeing patches of flowers and bushes growing from each footstep that the lagomorph took. The chicken sighed. "I wish I could've gotten that fellow's contact information."
As far as Bosco was concerned, his entire store could be eaten and perhaps even he could get eaten and he would not care just as long as he continued to be Hugh Bliss. Still, it was rather surprising that Hefty seemed to take his time here.
Hefty was different than the other two of the supposed Desire Trio. He was not as temperamental or extreme. Then again, the green lagomorph was surrounded by things to consume. He was quiet and kept to himself unless something interested him or if someone got his attention. Sure, he'd smile and laugh, but other than letting crumbs fall to the floor or making his furry body all messy and sticky, Hefty was rather polite.
However, the green lagomorph changed somewhat after Sam and the others left. He still did the same things, but he was more sluggish in his movement. He tended to mutter to himself (half of his mumblings had to do with Sam) and he was starting to consume objects along with food and drink. Bosco did not want to ask but happily offered anything Hefty wished. Now Bosco still sat at the counter while Hefty was in the restroom/storage room, most likely adding anything tasty and/or interesting to his collection.
Suddenly, the front door opened and Sam, Max, and Pumpkin slipped into the store. The three surveyed the area, finding that Hefty was currently not there and there were still some products left, making Sam and Pumpkin sigh in relief.
"Hey, we're back!" Sam greeted Bosco with a smile, keeping his voice low. He did not want to alert Hefty and have the gluttonous vice eat him and Max again. "Before we take care of Hefty, we'd like to buy something that might help us."
"Oh goody!" Bosco cheered. Finally, a sale for Hugh Bliss! Sam took out the money he had received from Sybil and placed it on the counter while Pumpkin hopped on near the cash register.
"Here you go, Bosco. One hundred trillion in completely non-counterfeit bills."
"Hmm, let me check." Bosco held up one of the bills in the light, raising an eyebrow. "Celine Dion...?"
"A national treasure." Pumpkin smirked with a wink. A few minutes later of counting, Bosco smiled and nodded.
"Okay, looks good to me." He reached underneath and placed an object down on the counter. "Here's your Earthquake Maker!"
The three looked to see a grey remote control with multiple lights, a red button, and a label with the words 'BOSCO TECH' on it.
"Earthquake Maker?" Pumpkin blinked.
Sam was equally perplexed. "A remote control? Don't get me wrong. I love TV as much as the next guy, but..."
"It controls my satellite defense system! Only one button still works though. Just press it for an earthquake."
"And this adheres, I hope, to all reasonable safety guidelines?" Max spoke up with a grin as he went up to the counter.
Bosco shrugged with a smile. "Who knows! One more thing: you have to be in range of the satellite for it to work."
Sam nodded. "Okay then. Where'd you park it?"
"For some reason, I was suspicious of those blessed people on the moon, so I left it up there. How silly of me!"
At that, Sam and Pumpkin smirked in unison and glanced at each other knowingly.
"How silly indeed." The orange lagomorph chuckled as he and Sam did a high-five in secret.
"Thank you, Brother Bosco!" Max sang out using his crystal necklace as he threw his hands in the air and wiggled his fingers, the crystal a bright purple.
"Wait a minute, I've just thought of something! And we need your help too, Bosco's Mom!" Sam exclaimed. He and the three people huddled together to discuss the plan...
"Well, that takes care of Bosco's things." Hefty mumbled to himself a few minutes later as he stepped out of the backroom. "Now, to grab some snacks and hit the road for the main course!"
Suddenly, the store got dark the moment Hefty stepped back into the main store causing the rabbit to freeze. A spotlight was formed by a flashlight in Pumpkin's hands from a corner of the store.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binaries! Lagomorphs of all ages, introducing the Great Samini!" Pumpkin announced in a boastful voice, shining the flashlight on Sam who stood at the center of the room. Sam took a bow, then wiggled his fingers, making a top hat appear in his free hand.
Hefty blinked, seeing both Max and Bosco clapping at the display from the counter. Shrugging, the green rabbit sat down near Max with junk food that he was carrying piled on his lap and started chewing on some jerky.
"Thank you, my soft and marketable assistant!" Sam nodded to Pumpkin. He then waved his hand over the hat for dramatic effect. "For my first trick, nothing up my sleeves... pesto!" He tapped the rim of the hat three times, then reached into the hat. He rummaged through it until he pulled out a certain familiar rat. Everyone gasped.
"Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me!" Jimmy commanded as he struggled in the dog's grip.
Sam walked closer to Hefty, keeping his distance as he sniffed at the rat and licked his lips. "Mmmm, something smells so good!"
"Sam, please don't say it that way," Pumpkin pleaded in a whisper as he went up to Sam's side. "We're trying not to get canceled here by the fandom. Do you even know who is writing this?! We already beat up the writer two chapters ago!"
"We have a fandom?" Max asked with a raised eyebrow.
Sam ignored both lagomorphs. "Now for my next trick, I will need a volunteer."
"Hey, are you gonna eat that?" Hefty asked as he raised his hand with a hungry grin. Sam shrugged.
"Well, I suppose I can share. Say 'ah'."
Realizing what was about to happen, Jimmy Two-Teeth's eyes widened and his body trembled at the sight of Hefty standing up and opening his drooling maw wide. "Wait, wait, WAIT!"
Pumpkin blushed a bright purple and covered his face with his fedora, screaming into it and going back to the corner while Sam threw Jimmy to Hefty who swallowed the rat whole.
"There we go." Sam smiled at Hefty. "Before you eat me again, I definitely need some Fudgie Freezes to tie me over. I think I saw some you missed in the freezer that's not broken." Hefty nodded at the suggestion.
"Whatever you want, Sam!" He grinned back and rushed to the freezers to find said treats. With Hefty distracted, the pretend-magician turned back to his remaining audience.
"For my final trick of the evening," Another three taps of the rim and Sam reached back into the hat, pulling Jimmy back out of it.
"Hey, leggo! I ain't comin' out!" The rat exclaimed, exasperated from the constant movement.
"What's this, I see?" Sam smirked. In Jimmy's paws was a small pink organ shaped like the letter J. The dog grabbed it from Jimmy and held it up. "Ta-da!"
Max gasped in astonishment. "Is that my stomach?"
"Gimme that hat!" Jimmy demanded, grabbing the hat from Sam's hand before he was dropped and he carried the hat out of the store.
"Great job, Sam!" Pumpkin congratulated after recovering and walking up to Sam. Seeing that Hefty was still occupied, he lowered his voice. "But wait, how are we going to put this thing back? Max doesn't have a mouth yet. And we can't just push it back in the hole it came from or hold it until we get the mouth. What if Hefty tries to get it back?"
"Let's see... If I were Hugh Bliss, which I am totally glad I'm not, I wouldn't want my new blissed follower to be denied of a rabbity thing's basic needs. He did give him a necklace to talk to us sometimes, so what's to say that he can still eat and drink like us?" Sam mused before snapping his fingers. "I got it! Max seems to like and follow you around, right? Maybe if he sees you eating, he'll try to eat as well!"
Without waiting for Pumpkin's reply, Sam tiptoed to the counter and whispered to Bosco. The orange lagomorph could see the two nod and exchange something before Sam came back with two wrapped items. He gave one to Max and the other to Pumpkin.
"Dinner time!" The dog announced with a proud grin on his face. Pumpkin sheepishly smiled back. Sam looked so happy. He could not disappoint him...
Silently, he moved so that he and Max were facing each other like a mirror image. Pumpkin slowly unwrapped his package with Max copying him in blissful eagerness. In Pumpkin's hands was a sandwich he could not identify. It vaguely resembled a lukewarm meatball grinder. Max held his own stomach in his hands.
Pumpkin told himself mentally not to think about anything as he shut his eyes and opened his mouth wide. He shoved the sandwich inside, closed his mouth, and gulped it whole. When he felt the grinder enter his stomach, he opened his eyes to find that the stomach had disappeared out of thin air and Max seemed to be satisfied. He turned to Sam with a quizzical look on his face. Sam shook his head.
"You don't want to know."
That was all Pumpkin needed to know. At that moment, Hefty walked up to the trio with a box of ice cream in his hands and some in his mouth.
"Hey, Sam, I–" Hefty started to call out when he stopped and he dropped the box. Why did he suddenly feel so empty? He glanced at Sam and Max who were equally shocked. He spotted Pumpkin also staring at him, but trying not to make eye contact. It clicked.
"Oh!" Hefty gasped in pure surprise. He took one last look at Sam, then at Pumpkin before he grinned and licked his top row of fangs.
"Better hope it's all worth it, Pumpkin Pie!" was Hefty's last words as he waved at Sam and Max, disappearing in a glowing puff of green smoke. The same smoke appeared around Max's waist. When it dispersed, Max's stomach did not have a hole or indent anymore.
"Hey, I feel all warm inside," Max cheered through his green crystal in his normal voice, patting his belly with both paws. "Like my belly's a cozy place where flavored popcorn and sugar drinks can meet and mingle!"
"That's my boy!" Sam praised. Everything was going smoothly with four of the seven vices back into Max. Now they only had to deal with a greedy giant, a sad couch potato on the moon, and-
"Hrk!" Pumpkin grunted, covering his mouth as his face had splotches of purple and green on it. He dashed to an untouched shelf and hid behind it.
"You okay, little buddy? I didn't think the meatballs were past the expiration date that much." Sam admitted with a hint of concern.
"'M fine. Just gimme a moment." The orange lagomorph said loud enough for Sam to hear before covering his mouth again, slumping to the floor. Why did Hefty have to be heavy and eat so much? Wait, this was Max the bottomless pit he was thinking about. That earned another groan as leaves began to form underneath his hat and a green rose bloomed on his shoulder.
Sam sat on the other side of the shelf right behind Pumpkin, not noticing the former's turmoil nor the growing vines and roots underneath the store that Pumpkin was holding back.
"Y'know, Pumpkin, we've really grown as partners, haven't we?" He asked.
"You have no idea." Pumpkin replied. When Max came over, he put a finger to his lips and signed, "I do not want to make Sam blue." Max nodded and swayed his way over to Bosco so they could talk about Hugh Bliss.
Sam continued. "As scary as this blissed world is with its happiness, I'm actually having a lot of fun collecting all the vices and solving our problems with a mixture of gratuitous violence and problem-solving of our first cases! I'm glad you're with me on this case, little buddy."
"... me too, Sam." Pumpkin's smile got bittersweet. He had managed to calm himself down and hide all the leaves and roses except for the red one. He sighed and cleared his throat. "Well, I'm feeling better now that I, ahem, kept it down. I think maybe we should split up to save some time! You two could go back to the moon for Mo while I get Cash."
"Are you sure? We could do everything together like we always do. You'd get to spend some more time with us before I gently take Max's eye back."
"I-I'm sure! I could find Cash and see what he's up to while you get the tail with the Earthquake Maker. By the time you'd come back, I'll have enough information so we could come up with a strategy to take Cassius down. We should totally spend our last part of the case in an epic showdown with a giant lagomorph that could maim us!"
"That does sound exciting. What do you think, Max?"
"WOOT!" Max hollered briefly with both arms up as he pumped his fists, his crystal flashing in red, indigo, violet, and green.
"It's unanimous. We'll go with your suggestion, Pumpkin." Sam chuckled.
"One, don't say ‘unanimous’ again, Sam." Pumpkin said as he stepped out from the other side of the shelf to face Sam and Max. "And two, good, because I have a fool-proof plan and Bosco's gonna help us one last time!" He then gathered the Freelance Police and Bosco back into a huddle, relaying them of the perfect plan that will benefit everyone...
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