Chapter Text
She’s dead. I killed her. Those words repeated over and over in his head as his vision blurred. Jace felt his hands drop away from Simon, his mind spiraling as his body registered news of Clary’s death. He walked towards the edge of the building. She was just here . The city was spread out in front of him and all he could see was her face. Jace tried to take a steadying breath but all that happened was a small gasp of air.
His ribs felt like they had cracked open, the soft hidden parts of himself exposed and vulnerable. Every breath was a scraping, grinding sensation- glass that had been shattered on concrete. Sharp and fragile. Clary didn’t feel dead, but then again what should it feel like when your soulmate dies? What’s normal when your world ends? As selfish as it was, he wanted a body, he wanted to hold her to his chest and cry. To be able to say goodbye, but instead she was just… gone?
He could hear Simon speaking, he knew his lips were moving but Jace couldn’t understand his words. Some small detached part of him knew what was happening, he was going into shock. His hands came up to press the heels of his palms into his eyes, the dust from the explosion still swirling on city winds. They came away wet. That small voice answered his confusion. You’re crying Jace.
Color went grey around him, his perception flattened as his mind tried to cope. The noise of the city changed into a dull, distant hum. How many people had he helped Lilith murder, how many had survived? None of them would be the same. He would never be the same. A new feeling took root, he deserved this . This was the Angel balancing what he had done. His grip on reality loosened as he collapsed to his knees, but even the sharp pain of concrete rubble under his legs wasn’t enough to pull him back.