Ghost Chat

by ramblesbrambles

Summary:

Dadtective: Sissel, please tell me you didn’t tell Yomiel we lost your body again

Uncle Banana: too late! your shinbones are now forfeit to Sissel as compensation for emotional, physical and spiritual damage! evidence has been immortalised in the chat forever!

Cabaret: Treryfying

Chapter 1: it begins

Kamila [ADMIN] added Daddy, Uncle Banana, Prof.Pigeon, Lint and Cabaret to Chatroom 1

Kamila [ADMIN]: THERE. NOW YOU DONT HAVE AN EXCUSE NOT TO CALL HOME NOW.

Uncle Banana: when you said you wanted help keeping track of your father, this isn’t what I thought you meant.

Prof.Pigeon: Kamila, do you even know what a ‘Cabaret’ is?

Kamila [ADMIN]: its basically a fancy woman dancing party with poetry right???

Lint: Sounds about right

Uncle Banana: just got a call from jowd asking what this is about you should probably go talk to him kamila

Kamila [ADMIN]: ??????? why???? he has a manual??

Cabaret: it suits me preeeetty well, doesn’t it?

Uncle Banana: This Was A Mistake.

Daddy: HELLO EVERYONE!!!

Lint: Hey Detective Jowd!!!

Uncle Banana: ok no Im not ok with that username kamila sweetheart please change it

Kamila [ADMIN]: but cabaret is so funny! and it really suits him!

Uncle Banana:  wasn’t talking about that one hold up

Uncle Banana changed ‘Daddy’ to ‘Dadtective’

Uncle Banana: there done and before you ask kamila yes it was an actual weird adult thing no I’m not gonna explain it wait till you hit 17, also do you wanna tell your dad what this is all about? So he can stop calling me over the landline? instead of reading the manual?

Kamila [ADMIN]: oh right! OK dad so basically you’ve been going to a lot of cases where you can’t call home right?
So I got uncle yomiel and the professor to help make a portable telephone messaging device! 
Ta-dah!
(Uncle Cabanela helped come up with the design)
Now you can call home anytime you like AND if you’re on a case where you can’t talk on the phone, you can just message one of us!
Rather than rely on Sissy!!
WHO IS A DEAD CAT!!!

Cabaret: You gotta admit, its a reeeeally good idea
But why did the rest of us get one?

Prof.Pigeon: Kamila’s idea, so that everyone else with a ghost core can communicate with each other without getting strange looks from everyone else

Uncle Banana: speaking of which

Uncle Banana named the chat ‘Ghost chat’

Uncle Banana: also jowd please read the manual we sent over so you can stop talking with me over phone while messaging in here there is actually a call function on the tiny phones that you can use

Kamila [ADMIN]: Now that everyone’s here, can I get some help with my nickname???

Dadtective: KAMILA SWEETHEART WHY IS MINE SO MUCH BIGGER THAN LYNNES?
ALSO, WHY IS MY TYPING in all caps?

Uncle Banana: turn your caps lock button off or stop holding down shift

Dadtective: I got it! I’m guessing mine is bigger than Lynne’s because my fingers are bigger?

Kamila [ADMIN]: YEP! The phones are also really really durable!

Prof. Pigeon: They could definitely stop a gunshot so keeping it close to your heart would be a good idea.

Lint: Hey what’s up with the nicknames anyways?

Kamila [ADMIN]:  I just thought they’d be fun!

Cabaret: They’d also confuse anyone looking at it who doesn’t know us too well so there’s that

Lint: OK WAIt does this mean that sissel can now teleport over to whoever has a phone??

Kamila [ADMIN]: uuuuuuuhhhhhhh

Uncle Banana: uuuuuuhhh

Prof.Pigeon: Please wait until we teach him how to read first so he can actually understand what’s going on.

Dadtective: I think I accidentally broke the phone?

Lint: It’s not his fault! A small stick antenna thingy just fell off!

Uncle Banana: no no hes cool its cool theres a drawing and note taking app on the phone for drawing stuff
i added it in since we’re art buddies, and Kamila added a music player as well

Dadtective: That’s really neat! You’re going to have to come over and show me how to work them!

Lint: hey how do I change peoples nicknames? I have a good one for Kamila!!!

Uncle Banana: ummm should be in the tiny manual chapter 2ish

Lint changed ‘Kamila [ADMIN]’ to ‘tiny god’

Lint: since she’s the one who set all this up and she’s basically an unstoppable force!

Uncle Banana: I feel like that would suit Sissel more since he’s the undead kitty Oh HOLD UP how about

Uncle Banana changed ‘tiny god’ to ‘Kamiflauge’

Cabaret: For someone who deniiies their dad-like affection for Kams, that’s an awful dad-like pun

Uncle Banana: jcjfjdfhiesjfe

Uncle Banana changed ‘Kamiflauge’ to ‘Child’

Dadtective: Awww but it was so cute!

Lint: Seconded!

Child: Thirded!

Uncle Banana: denied. blocked. i dont know you people.

Uncle Banana left Ghost Chat.

Child added Uncle Banana to Ghost Chat

Child: you can’t escape! I won’t let you!

Uncle Banana: thats terrifying but also watch me.

Child: No! No leaving unless you want me to tell everyone about the time you superglued your hands to Sissy’s face!

Cabaret: He did what now?

Uncle Banana: Why Would You Say That 

Prof.Pigeon: I have pictures.

Uncle Banana: Et Tu Professor????

Dadtective: Kamila, who taught you how to blackmail?

Lint: oh wow look at the time guess its time to die again!

Dadtective: Lynne no!

Cabaret: Can’t forget your weekly dose of death, baby!

Chapter 2: cool nicknames are hard

Ghost Chat

Child: Ok but being called child is really uncool

Lint: To be fair, you also named me something uncool

Child changed ‘Child’ to ‘Kamiflauge’

Uncle Banana: hello??? what about me???

Cabaret: Your haiiir, man. There’s nothing like it, except a banana.

Prof.Pigeon: That is true. How much hairgel do you use anyways?

Uncle Banana: this is bullying im being bullied 

Lint: Weren’t you one of the ones helping Kamila? Surely you saw this coming

Uncle Banana: the banana jokes yes, the uncle/dad jokes no

Dadtective: After pointing out what a banana is, Sissel says the resemblance is uncanny

Uncle Banana: betrAYED BY MY OWN BEST FRIEND

Cabaret: Sissel’s with you?

Uncle Banana: no sissel’s with me

Uncle Banana: wait

Dadtective: Good one ‘Uncle Banana!’

Cabaret: Uncle Banana more like ‘Uncle Dadnana’

Kamiflauge changed ‘Uncle Banana’ to ‘Uncle Dadnana’

Prof.Pigeon: Heh.

Cabaret: I meant that physically, Jowd are you suuuure Sissel’s with you?

Dadtective: Yes! His body should be in my po

Dadtective: Um.

Lint: The pocket of your favourite green coat?

Dadtective: Yes.

Lint: The one that you’re not wearing?

Kamiflauge: DAD

Lint: Didn’t you give it to the victim as a shock blanket? Detective Jowd??

Dadtective: In my defense, the victim looked like they really needed it

Uncle Dadnana: Dadtective more like DEADtective if you don’t get Sissel’s body back ASAP

Uncle Dadnana: also

Uncle Dadnana changed ‘Uncle Dadnana’ to ‘Uncle Banana’

Uncle Banana: I will tolerate this and no further. End of Discussion.

Prof.Pigeon: Speaking of discussion, please keep in mind that Alma will be receiving one of these portable phones for her birthday, and that a private messaging function does exist.

Prof.Pigeon: That being said, I probably will not be the most active member. Please do not spam me during work hours, some people have better things to do with their lives.

Cabaret: Aren’t you a self-employed researcher? Can’t you just pick and choose your hours?

Prof.Pigeon: Yes.

Kamiflauge: I think what uncle cabs means is that you can just use the phone during your break hours?

Prof.Pigeon: Unfortunately when I chose my hours for work, I chose all of them.

Cabaret: Are we just going to ignore the fact that Jowd just gave a small child a (basically) dead cat?

Lint: It’s ok! Sissel’s back in his body and is acting as normal cats do

Lint: The kid is now asking why Jowd has a kitten in his pocket, and it looks like they’re feeling much better!

Uncle Banana: You dodged a bullet there Jowd.

Cabaret: You gotta keep a better eye on your belongings Jowd

Lint: Jowd says ‘In his defense, Sissel is very small and easy to lose’ 

Cabaret: Guess that’s true, what with the size of his coat pockets

Cabaret: Swear they’re bigger than they look

Lint: Right? Last week, a call came in while we were at the Chicken Kitchen, and our food came out just as we got a call for an urgent case, and he just put the whole thing into his pocket!

Cabaret: That’s why you smelt of chicken when you reported to the superintendent?

Dadtective: Well, I didn’t want to waste the food!

Kamiflauge: Daddy, is that also why Sissel came back all covered in chicken?

Dadtective: I guess I was so focused on solving the case that my brain worked on autopilot!

Dadtective: Don’t worry, I won’t do it again! It was a nightmare getting the smell out of our office.

Lint: Now you just have to worry about getting Sissel back from the kid!

Chapter 3: mad science and emojis

Summary:

emojis

Uncle Banana: are you ladies ready to test?

Kamiflauge: Yep! Sissy says he’s ready when you are!

Lint: Yep!

Prof.Pigeon: Just to be sure Lynne, are your cores within Sissel’s reach?

Lint: The detectives badge is right next to the phone!

Prof.Pigeon: And Kamila, you have his body next to you?

Kamiflauge: It’s leashed up and in Uncle Cab’s hand! Sissel says he’s ready to go!

Uncle Banana: someone tell Sissel that i love him and that if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

Lint: aren’t you supposed to be in a business meeting with the professor right now?

Uncle Banana: purrhaps

Uncle Banana: wait no i take it back 

Kamiflauge: awwww

Lint: heh

Prof.Pigeon: Stop teasing the man, everyone in the room can see him blushing.

Kamiflauge: Uncle Cabs wants to know if he’s as red as his suit

Uncle Banana: sHUT

Prof.Pigeon: Remind him to be prepared to backtrack, in case something goes wrong.

Kamiflauge: Got it!

Prof.Pigeon: Commencing test in 3

Prof. Pigeon: 2

Prof. Pigeon: 1

Kamiflauge: Um? He’s still here, staring at the screen…

Kamiflauge: Oh wait! There he goes!

Uncle Banana: we really need to teach Sissel how toiwejoijfowhfsdfhosifhoi

Lint: You doing ok there Yomiel?

Prof.Pigeon: He’s fine, he just drwoefjeowijf

Kamiflauge: ??????

Uncle Banana: GOOD NEWS Sissel can, in fact, use these like his phone lines

Uncle Banana: Bad news, he lost his sense of direction.

Uncle Banana: related news, he’s now in profs glasses

Lint: Ok firstly, that’s pretty good! but why is he over there and not, yknow, over here?

Prof.Pigeon: jfialashfowl

Kamiflauge: are you ok professor???

Prof.Pigeon: Sissel would like you all to know that he ‘hasn’t lost his sense of direction, but has just been thrown into a five-lane seven-way intersection with no directional indicators, as opposed to the one-way street he’s more accustomed to’.

Lint: since when does he know such big words???

Prof.Pigeon: I extrapolated from what he actually said, which was significantly more incoherent.

Uncle Banana: he’s ok tho right?? all his spiritual bits and bobs still in place?????

Prof.Pigeon: He says he’s fine, but needs Lynne to start messaging the chat more so he can ‘follow along the wobbly lines’.

Lint: um ok, should I message anything specific?

Prof.Pigeon: He says ‘anything is fine so long as nobody else starts messaging’

Kamiflauge: OK! Me n uncle cabs are putting our phones down now!

Lint: alright! so currently there aren’t any big cases by the station, so me and Jowd are sorting through the backlog

Lint: Inspector Cabanela has his day off today obviously, so Jowd’s doing… something? In his office?

Lint: Inspector Cabanela’s office, that is, not Detective Jowds.

Cabaret: He beeeetter not be touching my secret coffee stasdfhwuifhfwhuhi

Kamiflauge: He’s back!

Prof.Pigeon: Did he or did he not say to stop messaging until he reaches Detective Lynne.

Kamiflauge: It’s ok! Now we know that Sissy ends up with whoever is messaging the most!

Cabaret: :3

Cabaret: >:3

Cabaret: That wasn’t me.

Dadtective: Cabanela, are you ok?

Lint: um??

Cabaret: In case it’ >:3s not obvio >:3us, Si>:3ssel is stiii>:3ll in my phon>:3e.

Cabaret: A >:3t least we k >:3now wher >:3e he is n >:3ow

Cabaret:  >:3

Dadtective: This is pretty funny, not gonna lie, but what does that symbol mean?

Kamiflauge: Uncle Yomiel calls them ‘emoticons’ and theyre basically smiley faces! you gotta turn your phone sideways to see it though

Dadtective: ‘Emoticons’, huh?

Dadtective: You mean, like this?

Dadtective: :D

Cabaret: :3c

Dadtective: >:3c

Dadtective: :0 I think Sissel made it to my phone :3

Cabaret: :DDDDDDDDDDDD XD XD XD XD XD XD ;OOOO 

Lint: Detective Cabanela, you sure are glad to have your phone back!

Cabaret: Still not me!

Cabaret: XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

Dadtective: It’s not Sissel either, he’s with me! :3?

Kamiflauge: Wait a second

Kamiflauge: Is that you Missile?

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼

Dadtective: ✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ\ <3 <3 <3

Prof.Pigeon:  And here I thought it couldn’t get any messier.

Uncle Banana: @Dadtective Sissel <3

Dadtective:  /ᐠ｡▿｡ᐟ\ <3 

Lint: Hi Missile! Did you take over Inspector Cabanela’s phone too?

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 h<3 <3 <3 <3 e<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 s<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 u<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 u<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 u<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 u<3 <3 <3 <3 r<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 e<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 d<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 i<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 d<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 b<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 a<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 b<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 y<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 *(he suuuure did baby)

Prof.Pigeon: Whilst encouraging that the phone lines are a viable method for Sissel to transport himself over, I request that you refrain from too many emoji, in case the message becomes unreadable.

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Prof.Pigeon: What did I just say.

Lint: In his defense, i’m pretty sure they still can’t read very well

Lint: hang on let me check

Lint: Missile, you are no longer the top pomeranian. Sissel, im no longer feeding you chocolate

Uncle Banana: you fed what to Sissel??

Kamiflauge: Missile isn’t what now???

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Dadtective:  /ᐠ｡▿｡ᐟ\ <3??

Lint: yeah I think they only recognise when their name comes up

Uncle Banana: hang on a second because I distinctly thought you just said you fed Sissel chocolate.

Uncle Banana: As in, Deadly To Cats Chocolate??!?!?!?!?!?

Kamiflauge: How could you say that to Missile?!

Dadtective:  /ᐠ｡▿｡ᐟ\ <3?????????????

Cabaret: ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ????????????????

Lint: I was proving a point!!! and sissel’s technically dead anyways whats a little chocolate gonna do to him??

Uncle Banana: cant believe you did this,,, imagine if they could read and they just read this how do you think they woulda felt huh?

Prof.Pigeon: Before we get any more sidetracked, please someone tell me they have plans to teach Sissel and Missile how to read.

Kamiflauge: I’ve been trying but its hard! because Missile’s very excitable and Sissy’s having trouble not getting distracted by Missile!

Cabanela: It’s ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ha<3rd <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 bec<3ause 3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 non<3e of <3us <3 are qua<3 lified to <3 tea<3ch engli<3sh as a l<3angua<3ge, and it<3’s not like w<3e can<3 hire<3 a tu<3tor 

Prof.Pigeon: They understand English well enough, can you not just put on a children’s educational show? For example, the one where the puppets sing and dance?

Kamiflauge: I… did not think of that.

Uncle Banana: to be fair, none of us really keep up with whats on the tv nowadays 

Kamiflauge: I dunno if Missile is gonna be able to sit down for long but we can give it a try!

Prof.Pigeon: And now that that’s finally sorted out, I’ve got a meeting to attend.

Uncle Banana: oh yeah these losers

Uncle Banana: twenty bucks says you make one of them cry in the next hour or so.

Lint: Yomiel no.

Uncle Banana: yomiel yes!

Dadtective: :( Yomiel, no :(

Uncle Banana: Yomiel no :(

Notes:

what is an upload schedule but a temporal construct created to force me into uploading on a regular basis when i could simply not do that. also In case yall r confused, Yomiel and Prof Pigeon are in a business meeting for programming and inventing things (totally not mildforeshadowing for anything in the future) whilst Sissel attempts to get from Kamila’s phone to Lynne’s phone. Because everybody was messaging at the same time, a bunch more ‘phone lines’ appeared and he got confused about which one was Lynne’s and ended up coming out of Yomiels phone instead, causing Yomiel to drop his phone and for Sissel to go back into the phone, but come out of the Professors phone instead, where he ‘ran across’ the keyboard button input code bit before jumping up in the Professors glasses hence the keysmashing. he then got flung towards cabanela, where he put his emoji knowledge to use, and finally got into jowds phone.
Missile then jumps in to Cabanela’s phone (in this fic he still gets his swap powers and the power to manipulate small objects because Ray got me feeling the feelssss but not to go over phone lines) and the whole chat just becomes chaotic. Missile and Sissel still cant read, but they definitely recognise their own names and the faces in emoticons (Cabanela absolutely taught them emoticons in lieu of trying to teach them the alphabet and Yomiel straight up cannot argue with Jowds dadly disappointed face sad emoticon) anyways currently the characterisation I have for them is Jowd: Jolly kind of guy haunted by the ghosts of future not-past, Cabanela: More free to be wild since he’s not concerned about rising through the ranks to prove his best friends innocence but i still think he gets to inspector anyways just at a slower pace and Yomiel: hes enjoying life to the best of his abilities and if that means getting dadded/cyberbullied by the people who’s lives he ruined so be it. Kamila and Lynne are overall happier, not much changed there.

Chapter 4: here come the pets

Kamiflauge added tiny god and top pom to the chat.

tiny god: uwu

top pom: MISS KAMILAAAAAA MISS LYNNEEEEEEEEE

tiny god: helo evrybuddy

Dadtective: Sissel? Where exactly are you at the moment?

tiny god: at home with kamila an misile

Dadtective: Sissel I just saw you, in the office, with Lynne.

top pom: MISS KAMILAAAAAA!!!!!!!! MISS LYNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! IM HEREEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Cabaret: Heeeeello Missile! Lynne says ‘Hello, Missile! Sorry I can’t talk, my hands are full of dead cat’.

tiny god: bak with u 

Dadtective: :3

top pom: MISS KAMILAAAAAAAAAAAA <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Dadtective: I see you figured out how to type separately from the phone you’re in

Dadtective: Hello to you as well, Missile!

top pom: DETEKTIFE JOWD!!!!!!!! HELLO!! CABNELA!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!

Kamiflauge: Missile and Sissel, you’re doing so well!

tiny god: :3 <3

top pom: THANKYOU MISS KAMILA!!!

Cabaret: >:3c

Cabaret: As amazing as this is, Sissel should probably get back into his body before Lynne loses it like Jowd did

Lint: I’m not that bad! its not like Sissel can fit in my pockets anyways…

Cabaret: But you have debated putting chicken into your pockets before, I’ve seen you looking at those chicken drumsticks.

top pom: WISH I COUD FIT INTO YOUR POCKETS!!!! MISS LYNNEEEE!!! CABNELA!!!!!! I COUD COM TO YORE WORC!!!! AND PROTET YOO!!!!
<3
Cabaret: Missile, you can still possess my phone even if you can’t travel over phone lines and I could bring you to work that way

top pom: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Cabaret: Anyways Sissel, get over here before you get lost please 

tiny god: >:3

——————————————————————————————————- 

One Week Later

———————————————————————————————————
Cabaret: I sweeear he was just by the coffee table!

Dadtective: Well he clearly isn’t anymore!

Lint: hes not in your offices, just checked!

Cabaret: What about the vents?

Lint: also checked aas well as the drawers and under the desks

tiny god: why are you looking for me im with kamila

Dadtective: Your body certainly isn’t!

tiny god: thats fine??

Dadtective: It most certainly is not!

tiny god: i can come over n help?

Dadtective: Will you actually?

tiny god: yes

tiny god: am currently with yomiel can come over to u

Dadtective: Sissel, please tell me you didn’t tell Yomiel we lost your body again

Uncle Banana: too late! your shinbones are now forfeit to Sissel as compensation for emotional, physical and spiritual damage! evidence has been immortalised in the chat forever!

Cabaret: Treryfying

Uncle Banana: this is the third time this week i swear to god if he ended up in the garbage disposal again im suing for breach of animal rights

tiny god: why u so upset?

Uncle Banana: Sissel please consider this: us people care for you and would really like it if you didn’t lose your physical form on the regular because you like to explore curiosity may not kill you but that doesnt mean it wont get you placed somewhere we cannot reach

tiny god: small words please 

Cabaret: Sissel we love and support you but also we are very worried about you

Lint: I swear hes somewher ein the police station!!!

tiny god: calm down?? I cant die??

Dadtective: Sissel please come over and help us we need to go out on a case soon

tiny god: case with missile and cabanela ye? bring me in a pen or something

Lint: we Are Not Repeating the Missile Leaf Incident

Uncle Banana: for curisities sake you should tell me all about this incident and why it shouldnt repeat with sissel

Dadtective: Yomeil I swear we will get Sissels body back because how am I gonna explain to Kamila i lost our kitten please calm down

Uncle Banana: Im Fine Im Calm You Are The One That Needs To Calm Down

tiny god: yomiel is in fact not calm and is screeming into human mes chest

tiny god: human me says hi, she thinks this is funny

Cabaret: If Miss Yomeil has any sor tof advice on finding a wayward kitten body now would be th eperfect time to shaer we have twenty minutes 

tiny god: she wants to know if you have any ‘sniffer dogs’ but arent all dogs capable of sniffing?

Lint: MISSILE

Dadtective: MISSILE

Cabaret: MISSILE

Cabaret: He’s with the police dog kennels, I’m getting him now!

Cabaret: Jowd, grab the pocketwatch out of my office drawer I’m going to tag Sissel when I find him so we don’t have a repeat of this incident

Lint: Inspector Cabanela please tell me you found h

Lint: What was that sound?? Did someone get shot??

Cabanela: Everythings fiiine, one of the boys had a gun misfire

Cabaret: Good news though Missile sniffed out Sissel! 

Dadtective: Oh thank god! Where was he?
 
Cabaret: Remember those boooys visiting from the special prison? Bailey’s boyfriend found Sissel ‘Sleeping on Bailey’s lap’ and moved Sissel to his own lap so that Bailey could, and I quote, ‘Dance the traditional dance of joy for such a cute kitten!’

tiny god: am watching from a security camara and its pretty funny

Lint: But the gunshot?

Cabaret: Missile’s trying to join in now, its very cute, and the gun misfired from an office booth over

Cabaret: Can’t see the naughty fella who did it, ran off too quick, but luckily it didn’t hit anyone

Lint: Thank goodness Sissel is safe now!

Uncle Banana: your shinbones are yours. for now.

Lint: yomiel you are actually super dramatic hes fine please calm

tiny god: am now going alive and into cabanelas pockets

Camiflauge: wow thats a lot of messages what did I miss??????

Dadtective: Nothing much! Just some police station antics haha!

———————————————————
Uncle Banana: There is. A Bird. At My Window.

Uncle Banana: At 2am. Peak Slumbering Hours. Pecking Constantly At My Panes.

Uncle Banana: Fiansissel, my beloved, has been blessed with genes that allow her to slumber on peacefully, like a stalwart sailor in the middle of a monsoon, but I myself am Plagued with paranoia and understandably sensitive to any small sounds in the night, thus unable to reach that which is peaceful respite.

Uncle Banana: Why.

Prof. Pigeon: Apologies for the late night delivery, but you left your floppy disk with the latest data analysis for the communications array and I know how anxious can become when you misplace something.

Uncle Banana: ugh

Prof. Pigeon: Please remember to feed her sunflower seeds only, anything heavier and she falls asleep on the way home and can become lost.

Uncle Banana: Please consider: teach lovey darling to use my mail slot rather than the window

Prof. Pigeon: And risk it being stolen by vagrants in the night? I think not.

Uncle Banana: uuuuuuuggggghhh thanks but also i hate how right you are 

Lint: whats the emergency why are we texting in the middle of the night

Uncle Banana:  its fine its fine lovey dove going back to her messenger pigeon roots and delivering stuff for me

 Lint: whyd you put it in the group chat we are trying to sleep

Uncle Banana: dunno felt like if I gotta suffer then You gotta suffer tonight

Lint: you owe me coffee

Uncle Banana: thats fiar.

 

Notes:

Their ringtones are absolutely their theme songs and the spelling mistakes here are intentional with sissel and missile still learning the trash that is the english language and everybody panicking too much to be worried about grammar and punctuation. The Missile Leaf Incident is a reference to the bit in game where, after you meet Missile for the second time, he gets stuck in a leaf and blown away, almost getting dunked into the sewers if he didn’t happen to show up right when we needed him to solve a puzzle. Also, in case it wasn’t obvious, when Sissel was referring to ‘human me’ he meant fiansissel. Also also, that wasnt a gun misfire, and missile kind of overlooks it because firstly: dance and secondly: sissels gonna be fine even if he gets shot and the prison boys have made an entrance! no, they do not remember. Yes, they are pals with the gang what with all the visits everyone made to Yomiel while he was in prison. no, they didnt see cabanela shoot sissel point blank with a gun but considering sissel was fine they believed cabanelas excuse. Sissel was also busy watching them dance hence why he, too, did not see himself get shot. nobody tell kamila. Anyways lovey dove gets an honourable mention as delivery pigeon. 

Chapter 5: not all tomato sauce is ketchup

Chapter 5: ketchup is not the same as tomato sauce

Dadtective: I understand what you’re saying, but it’s just an interesting concept!

Lint: Cold Jam? On Cold Boiled Chicken??

Dadtective: Well, cranberry wine sauce on chicken is basically unsweetened jam isn't it?

Lint: Jowd, I respect you and all but you literally drown your chicken in a can of ketchup every time you eat

Cabaret: Looks like things are getting heeeeated in here

Lint: Inspector Cabanela, Please tell me you think excessive ketchup on chicken is not good

Dadtective: You know there’s only one correct answer to this Cabs

Cabaret: I mean there iiiiiis but you probably won’t like it.

Dadtective: When you say 'you', are you referring to me or Lynne?

Cabaret: I’ll leave that up to your imagination as I have come to make an announcement that requires the younger members of the chat so @tiny god @top pom @ Kamiflauge gather roooound because uncle cabs is gonna give you The Talk.

Kamiflauge: Uncle cabs I already had the baby talk! I dont need another one!

tiny god: ? ive already had the kitten talk?

top pom: you mean the puppy talk?? where the puppies are made??

Cabaret: I am veeeeery conflicted about your answers but also no. This is another talk entirely.

Cabaret: And when I say talk, I mean I’m coming out of my closet

Cabaret: Putting on all my queer gear

Cabaret: Getting a little fruity with it

Kamiflauge: I am very confused????

tiny god: ^? . ?^ im also confused

top pom: are we samba dancing again??? i love it when we samba dance! ▼・ᴥ・▼ <3!!!

Lint: OH its this talk

Cabaret: Small lady and small beings, when a man and a women love each other very much, they may choose to get married.

Cabaret: I, on the other hand, much prefer people of similar tastes to myself

Lint: we GET IT you are Gay and Proud of It and we Love you Dearly

Lint: BUT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE DEALING WITH

tiny god: is cabanela telling us hes… happy? and proud of being happy?

top pom: THATS SUPER AMAZING!! IM HAPPY THAT YOU ARE HAPPY!!

Cabaret: Lynne baby how could you ruin this for me

Kamiflauge: So uncle cabs is like super happy? is that what you wanted to tell us?

Cabaret: Yes but also nooooooooo

Cabaret: I’m trying to tell you something very important and personal to me

Lint: This wouldnt happen to be because of those men that were yelling at you outside the police station would it?

Kamiflauge: people were yelling at uncle cabs for being really happy?????

Cabaret: Please Stop interrupting Me

Uncle Banana: just saw the previous message and am now intreagued whats happening why are we bullying our good friend the inspector

tiny god: people were yelling at the inspector for being super happy and proud of being happy, is what is going on i think?

top pom: he was also saying how he likes people who are the same as him! super happy!

top pom: wait

top pom: IM SUPER HAPPY AL LTHE TIME!!!!!! THAT MEANS HE REALLY REALLY LIKES ME RIGHT??????????

Cabaret: This is definitely not how I planned this going

Uncle Banana: just scrolled up and man this is a trainwreck huh

Uncle Banana: who eats only jam on cold boiled chicken? like, grape jam? marmalade? what?

Lint: THATS WHAT IM SAYING!!!

Dadtective: It tastes fine! It’s like a chunkier jus sauce!

Cabaret: CAN EEEEEEEVERYBODY STOP FOR MAYBE TWO SECONDS PLEASE

Cabaret: IM TRYING TO CONFESS SOMETHING HERE

Dadtective: Sorry! Please continue

Lint: sorry boss please go on

Cabaret: I prefer men! As my Partner! Like how Yomiel loves Sissel! Like how Jowd loves Alma! And this is a perfectly normal thing!

tiny god: ok???? why people yelling at you tho??

top pom: WHO IS BEING MEAN TO INSPECTOR CABANELA

Dadtective: Stopping the chicken discussion for now, Lynne what do you mean people were yelling at our good friend the inspector?

Lint: basically drunk people were yelling at cabanela outside the station saying a bunch of discriminatory stuff about 'being a fruitcake' or whatever so I had some of the other guys shoo em away

Dadtective: Cabanela? Is this true?

Cabaret: Perhaps.

Dadtective: You know we love and support you, right? You don't have to make any statements about it to prove anything if you don't want to.

Cabaret: Yeah, I guess.

top pom: also its kind of weird that complete strangers are interested in your romance but in a bad way!!

Uncle Banana: yeah like, you may have the aesthetic and style of a spanish soap opera main lead but that doesn't mean you Are one.

Cabaret: I will take that as a compliment!

Uncle Banana: I meant it as one???

Lint: so we are in agreement? That we love and support Cabanela and if those guys come back we put them in the cells for 'being public disruptions'?

tiny god: are you allowed to do that???

Dadtective: If they're deemed a sufficient enough danger, we could probably do that

Uncle Banana: see on the one hand mixed feelings with police people throwing around their power like that

Dadtective: It's a joke! Definitely not something we will be doing!

Lint: Oop Sorry Yomiel! didn't mean to bring anything up

Uncle Banana: but on the Other Hand, I think itd be really funny

Kamila: can you go through the security cameras and get their faces? in case they come back?

Uncle Banana: on it boss

tiny god: so we are allowedd to do it?????

Dadtective: Again, not something we are technically allowed to do unless they become more of a menace!

Uncle Banana: more of a menace, you say.

Lint: yeah like uhhhhhh causing a ruckus and maybe actually punching police

Uncle Banana: taking notes for no reason in particular

Dadtective: Yomiel, no.

Uncle Banana: what if I ask real nice and say pretty please?

tiny god: what if we also say pretty please jowd

Lint: Pretty Please?

Kamila: Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Dadtective: Look. If they come back and cause a fuss, only then we will put them in the jail.

Uncle Banana: Plausible Deniability. Perfect.

top pom: guys help! cabanelas crying and lafing and hes on the floor! what do I do!

Kamiflauge: tell him we love him lots and give him so many kisses!

top pom: he says 'I love you all soooooo much'! i think!

top pom: its a bit hard to understand becasue hes still crying loads!

Lint: awwww! Jowd I'm heading off early to see Cabanela

Kamila: Ill head his way too!

Dadtective: Looks like we're all calling it an early day then!

Uncle Banana: says you, i have things to program and people to talk with

tiny god: we'll let him know you love and support him too

Uncle Banana: eww gross affection for a man who ruined my life tell him noth

Uncle Banana: ACTUALLY tell him if he doesn't pick a side (jam chicken vs regular chicken) then im going to continue holding a grudge for him ruining my life

Dadtective: Isn't that a little petty?

Uncle Banana: If he isn't team No Jam Chicken then I denounce him wholly

Lint: ONE OF US ONE OF US

tiny god: its not that bad is it? sweet n tasty with tasty chicken? means more tasty?

Kamiflauge: Chicken with fruit sauce is pretty tasty

Uncle Banana: BETRAYED. BY MY BEST FRIEND. THE WORLD IS CRUEL AND UNFORGIVING.

Kamiflauge: what about me?????

Uncle Banana: You are Literally Jowd's child you get a pass due to genetics

————————————-

Three days after this incident, Inspector Cabanela received a bouquet of gladiolus and iris from Lynne.

 

(The fact that Detective McCaw and his partner had several familiar-looking confused homophobes being escorted to the cells behind Lynne definitely had nothing to do with the smile on Cabanela’s face)

Notes:

This chapter was initially inspired by the 'putting on my queer gear' and 'getting a little fruity with it' quotes that came to me from. somewhere? my brain perhaps. and then it sort of devolved and got away with me anyways comment a flag emoji if you too, are wearing your queer gear and getting a little fruity with it (by putting fruit jams on chicken)

This fic truly is peak 'making the content you wish to see in the world'

Also apologies for the lines being spaced out more than usual am trying some things out and they appear to be uhhhhhh. anyways.

*Update have fixed the paragraphs wahoo!