Chapter Text
Torschlusspanik: (German) "From Tor + Schluss + Panik, literally “gate-shut panic”. It describes the anxiety induced by the feeling that time is running out for you to act.”
The start of a good story
is always a bad moment.
Just a few days after becoming 17, Pina the dall sheep was kidnapped by Riz the brown bear.
He manages to escape and wastes no time in calling the police, hoping it's not too late for his wolf senpai. And it isn't, but it appears he arrived at a bad time. Louis-san is there, his leg missing, and Pina almost flinches, thinking that maybe Riz got at him before Legosi could do anything.
Except… Louis is the one apologizing to Riz, and Legosi-senpai's snout is full of blood, and Riz looks totally lost, completely submissive at the cops taking him to the ground. What did he miss?
None of them look at him as they're taken away, and Pina feels some kind of pain in his chest when he realizes Legosi didn't even spare him a glance, even though he came here for him.
Riz feels pretty numb now that everything has finished. He admits to everything; eating Tem, abducting and hurting Pina, almost killing Legosi, everything. It feels like he’s finally taken some terrible weight off of his shoulders, some pain in his chest that he had not even realized was there until now that it’s gone.
And now… he feels nothing.
He doesn't really feel bad when his mother looks at him crying, worried eyes trying to find some excuse for him, nor does he feel sad at his father's disappointed, furious yells. The closest he is to feeling something is when, in court, Tem's parents stand and shout their unconformity at his too indulgent sentence, calling him a monster, a murderer.
And they are right, and he agrees with them, that a few years with the possibility of probation is too little for taking away the life of the only person who ever tried to be his friend. Apparently, Louis, Legosi, and Pina tried to lighten what happened on New Year's, and his lawyer takes advantage of the situation with his pills so that the judge takes mercy on him.
Honestly, he doesn't care. He thinks he should be here forever, or maybe he should just be taken away. He doesn't have anything more to live and has been practically working on automatic since Tem's death. But after seeing his mother's eyes, still filled with love despite what he has done, he decides that he'll just go through this for as long as it takes, even when he doesn't want to.
So he does. He’s mostly a ghost, not talking to anyone —not even to his cellmate, who soon gets the point and stops trying to indulge him in conversation—. He’s bigger than most kids here, even if he’s not the oldest, so mostly everyone leaves him be, not wanting trouble. They probably already know why he’s here, and he wouldn’t be surprised if what he has done is worse than most of what others here have.
The first few days happen all in a blur, he just does what he's told to, eats just enough to not die from hunger, takes his pills, and goes to sleep; terrible nightmares haunt his sleep and he wakes up with unbearable headaches and no honey to ease the pain.
Then, after some days (he's not sure how long, not really bothering to care what day it is), a guard tells him he's got a visitor who wants to talk to him through the phone. He expects it to be his mother, and on the way there he is already thinking what she might ask and how he might answer in a way that seems genuine and she doesn't start crying.
So it is a surprise when he arrives and looks down to see Pina seated behind the reinforced glass, looking up at him with a small smile that transmits nothing to him.
“Pina-kun.” He says, more than asking, as soon as he takes the phone.
"Riz-senpai." He answers as he takes a long stare at him. "Huh, you look horrible. It's barely been a few weeks, are they doing something to you?"
He says it casually, so much that Riz wonders if that's what Pina wants, for him to be tortured or mistreated. Perhaps he deserves it.
He shakes his head, not trusting his voice to break if he dares say anything else. Pina doesn’t react at all; he doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t seem disappointed either, and Riz is surprised to find himself glad at that.
"Your nose seems better, at least. What happened to your fur, tho? It looks…" He makes a face of clear displeasure, doing some kind of gesture with his hand that Riz doesn't understand at all, and it must show on his face because Pina changes what he was about to say and settles with: "You're gray now."
That takes him by surprise, and he looks down at his hand. His fur has, indeed, lost most of its color, and is now more gray than brown. He hadn't really paid much attention to his appearance, trying to avoid any mirrors in fear of having to look at himself, but he is surprised he hadn't realized the state of his fur.
He shrugs, as he doesn't have an answer for that, and can't get himself to care about it either. Pina frowns a little and moves forwards in his seat to look closer at him.
“Are you sick? Don’t they have an infirmary here?”
Riz shakes his head again. "I'm not sick… I don't know why my fur's lost color, but I feel fine."
His voice comes out in an automatic, boring tone. Pina just keeps staring at him, and it starts to unnerve him.
“Pina-kun, what do you want?” He asks, trying not to sound too threatening, but unable to hide his frustration in the deep tone of his voice.
Pina thinks about this for a moment, then he opens his mouth and looks straight at his eyes.
“I wanted to see how you are doing.” He says, then lowers his gaze at his free hand. “See if you still wanna eat me.”
He opens his mouth, then closes it again. That… is not at all what he had been expecting. He’s not even sure what he should be expecting, the thought of ever seeing Pina again had never crossed his mind.
“You do?” Pina asks at Riz’s silence. “Ah, I supposed you’re still angry at me for calling the cops on you…”
“I’m not.” He interrupts. “I would’ve ended up here anyway.”
"Hmm." He says, not looking very convinced. "You don't seem very happy to see me, though, so maybe I should go now…"
Oh. Riz finds himself feeling something similar to disappointment. He doesn't like Pina, but he's the only person that has come to see him, and it's the first time something out of that insipid routine has happened. Then again, there's nothing he wants to tell Pina, and the sheep's not coming back, so maybe it's good that they part ways as soon as possible.
“Do you want anything?”
“Huh?” He had zoned out a bit, so Pina’s voice practically startled him. “What?
“Do you want anything?” The sheep repeats. “I suppose they don’t let you have many things, but I can try with, you know, books or something. Must be pretty boring around here.” He says with a wave of his hand. “Your stuff must still be in your dorm, right?”
Now Riz is definitely speechless. Why is Pina offering to bring him something? Why is he even here?
“What do you want?” He asks again. “I’m locked up, I’m not going to hurt you anymore, so you don’t have to be nice.”
For some reason, Pina smiles at that. “I heard you are leaving this place in a few years, so perhaps I’m just trying to get in your good graces so you won’t eat me once you get out.” His voice is awfully cheerful, considering what he’s saying. “If you don’t want me here, tho… I can just bring you something to entertain yourself every once in a while.”
“I…” I don’t want you here. Except, that maybe he does. He doesn’t want Pina to leave yet, but there’s nothing he can offer, nothing he can say, nothing other than…
"I'm sorry." He whispers, then again, louder. "I'm sorry, for…" His gaze moves to Pina's arm, but he's wearing long sleeves, so the bear can't see the injury he did on New Year's eve. "For everything."
Pina just looks at him with that unreadable expression of his, then lets out a long sigh. “I guess it’s fine, you’re already paying for that anyway.” Then, looking now almost bored, he adds. “Are you not gonna ask for anything?”
“I don’t want anything from outside.” He says, and it’s the truth. Nothing really would make this situation any more bearable. Still, this is the best he has felt since being here, so… “Thank you, for coming. I… I didn’t think I would see you again. But I’m glad I did.”
Pina nods and smiles gently, and Riz's heart skips a beat. This is the first time he sees Pina smile like that; it's not the usual, smug and flirty smile he always has, with his half-lidded eyes that show nothing more than mid interest. This time, it appears more genuine, eyes open wide and lips curling up in a way that makes him look like an actual 17-year-old boy instead of a young magazine model.
"I'm glad I got to see you too, even if you look ugly as hell right now." Riz doesn't feel offended, but is still surprised that Pina is talking to him so rudely, especially since he's here to "get in his good graces". "Maybe I'll come back sometime, see if you're looking better by then."
Riz wants to lick his lips, suddenly feeling his mouth terribly dried, but doing that in front of a herbivore is considered extremely rude. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere… You can come anytime.” And, feeling a little embarrassed, he adds. “I’d like to see you again.”
Surprisingly, Pina’s smile grows, and looking up at him in what can only be described as ‘seductively’, he says: “Really? I thought you didn’t want me here, but if you do, I might like to come every once in a while.”
Riz is not sure how to take this, because the way Pina's looking at him feels almost dangerous, like this is a trap. Maybe it is, maybe Pina is still angry at him and is plotting something against him, something to make him feel bad, some kind of pay-up.
He might deserve it.
He shrugs, not wanting to seem too interested, but hoping Pina comes back anyway.
“I’ll have to find a way to get in-person visits, though. Holding this thing makes my arm hurt.”
In-person visits. Does Pina even know what that means?
“You would be right next to me.” He states. “Do you really think that’s safe?”
It’s Pina’s turn to shrug his shoulders. “I’m guessing they’ll just let me if it is. So you still wanna eat me, huh?”
“I don’t.” He says, frowning. But I didn’t want to eat Tem, either.
“Then I guess there shouldn’t be a problem.” He stands from his chair, and Riz notices just then that Pina is quite small for the phone he’s holding next to his ear. “See you later Riz-senpai.”
Riz nods, standing up too. A guard approaches him, but he keeps a few steps away from him. “Bye, Pina-kun.”
Pina smiles and hangs his phone, not waiting for Riz to do the same, and leaves as he waves his hand in goodbye. It takes Riz too long to process what just happened, and he realizes too late he didn't wave back.
The rest of his day goes by just like the other days, except that now he's feeling something. He can't take Pina out of his mind, and he's not sure how he feels about his visit, either. He's not happy, exactly, but he feels some kind of peace, some kind of flutter in his chest.
For the first time since he’s here, he feels suddenly alive.
As promised, Pina comes back a couple of weeks later. Riz had started to think he wouldn't, and the thought had disappointed him so much he had been moody for a couple of days, scaring everyone that happened to be near him. Just looking at Pina, however, had somehow reduced his stress in a second.
“They told me you’ll be wearing a muzzle. Doesn’t help your look. Although it might also be the orange uniform.” Pina says as soon as he sees him. “Still, you don’t look as bad as last time.”
Riz almost flushes. Truth is, knowing Pina might stop by at any time, he had started to pay attention to his appearance again. His fur is still gray, but he had made sure to take a shower daily so at least he's clean, and the moment the guard told him someone was here to see him he had run his hand through his fur in an attempt to get it in place.
"You gonna sit?" Pina asks, taking a seat himself in the middle of the small bench. Riz nods and sits as far as possible away from him. He is glad to see Pina, but now that he's here, he doesn't know what to say, nor how he should act.
Nevertheless, it turns out that won't be a problem, because Pina starts talking about what he's been doing, which is mostly dating girls. He tells him about a date he had with a cute ewe, and how he took some gazelle lady out for a walk, only for them to be seen by a goat girl whom he had been dating, too.
Riz listens to it all. It's not like anything is interesting in juvie, so this is as much fun as he's going to get. It's actually kind of interesting because the way Pina talks about girls is different from the way other guys talk about them. He's not very nice, but he's not insulting either; and despite obviously being hooking up with each one of them, he doesn't tell Riz anything vulgar or descriptive about their sexual interactions, mostly just talking about what they do aside from that.
When he finishes talking about his girlfriends, Pina gets a little bit closer to him. “Ah, I asked about what I could bring you… it appears they don’t have a problem with a lot of things, but they said the other kids might take them away from you. I thought I could bring you a portable radio, but I guess that one would be easily stolen.”
"A radio?" He asks, tilting his head.
"Yeah, you know, so you could listen to some music." He makes a gesture with his hand. "You were part of the sound team, so I thought you might like something like that."
Riz stares blankly at him. He does like music, and he has a good ear, so of course, he was good for the sound team…
It's the first time he thinks of the club.
“Senpai? You alright?” Pina asks, moving his hand in front of his face.
“The club. They know, right?”
Pina opens his mouth, then closes it again a second later, apparently out of words. It’s enough for Riz to know the answer.
“They do.” He says, finally. “Though not the whole story. Louis-senpai had to… cover up a little bit.”
Riz looks down at his cuffed hands. “For Legosi-kun, I guess. How is he?”
Pina doesn't answer, and Riz looks up again, but what he sees is unexpected. Pina's looking down at his shoes, looking miserable for the first time.
“I don’t know, he left school.” He says in a serious tone. “Bill-senpai says he’s fine. He just went to his place the other day.”
Riz averts his eyes, suddenly feeling guilty. Did Legosi drop out of school because of him? Because of what happened that night? After all, it was because of him that he had to eat Louis-senpai’s foot.
"It appears he doesn't want to see me." Pina adds suddenly. "And he got rid of his phone, too. Not that he would answer if I called him, anyway."
To Riz, it sounds like Pina feels deeply hurt, and he feels incredibly bad about it. “I’m sorry.”
Pina chuckles and finally turns to look at him. He's smiling, but his eyes still look sad. "It's not your fault. I'm sure he didn't leave because of you, he's not like that."
“Still…” Unconsciously, he moves a little bit closer. “Are you sure he doesn’t want to see you? I’m sure it must have been a misunderstanding. He likes you.”
“It’s alright.” He states, in a tone that says he doesn’t want to talk more about this. “It’s not like we were friends or anything.”
He changes the subject, but Riz can’t get himself to pay attention anymore, and is only brought back when the guard announces to Pina that his time is over.
“I’ll bring you something next time.” He says as he stands. “Hopefully I’ll find something no one will steal from you.”
“I doubt they would, I’m bigger than most guys here.” He says, standing too, which just proves his statement, as Pina has to title his head up to look at his face. “I kind of think they are afraid of me.”
Pina laughs. “They should, probably. I’ll take your word and bring that radio.”
They exit the visiting room, and Pina waves his hand as he leaves the place.
This time, Riz makes sure to wave back.
Pina is not sure why he decides to visit Riz, but it seems wrong not to.
Perhaps because, just like Riz, he has been left alone. Legosi is gone, and Louis-senpai graduates almost as soon as he's back, so no one knows what truly happened on New Year's eve, and there's no one he can talk about how he was involved in all of it.
Weird, that seeing Riz gives him some peace now, despite everything that has gone between them. But perhaps it is exactly because of that, because the only person paying close attention to Pina was Riz. Not even Legosi, who had promised to protect him, had been aware of what was going on between them.
Riz seems weird now that everything has finished, kind of numb. Pina is not sure what he had been expecting, but certainly, he didn't think he'll look this miserable so soon.
I’m sorry I never tried to notice how lonely you were.
Those had been Louis-senpai’s words. Pina wishes he had asked, but he doesn’t know Louis very well. Still, Legosi-senpai seems to feel nothing but respect and love for that deer, and that’s enough for Pina; whatever Louis meant, it had been a sincere statement. So, with that in mind, he decides he’s going to try and see for himself how lonely this bear is.
Somewhere, at the back of his mind, he wonders if he's not the lonely one.
Pina starts visiting almost every two weeks. He does most of the talking, but Riz is happy with just listening to his voice as he tells about the last dates he’s had, about his classes, about the club. One time he even tells him about a chicken he took care of alongside Bill and Aoba.
Riz starts feeling things again. Every time Pina comes it lifts his spirits, it makes him so incredibly happy, his cellmate and the rest of the prisoners even seem less tense around him for days after Pina's visits.
He tells Pina about his pills, (not the whole story, but he explains the headaches), and surprisingly, Pina runs his hand over his head in a soothing way that takes him completely off guard, being too shocked to move until he stopped touching him. His fur grows and he recovers most of his color, light brown that makes him look less miserable, more healthy. Pina likes it better, now.
“Too bad this light is so dull. You’d look real handsome under natural light, I bet I’d look like dark amber.” He says, looking at him like he’s some piece of art instead of a bear. He is glad his fur is darker now, hoping it’ll be enough to hide his blush.
As promised, Pina brings Riz a portable radio. Riz listens to it almost all the time, every song reminds him of Pina in one way or another. It's not surprising, as he's the only one —aside from his mother— who's still a part of his life.
He gets him more stuff, too. He brings books, both literature —surprisingly, Pina likes horror— and school stuff, stating that "he's not going to learn anything from this place", which is kind of true: classes in juvie are nowhere near as good as they were back at Cherryton. Pina even goes as far as to bring his notes and explain everything he can in the few hours they have together. Riz doesn't see much point to it, but Pina is so invested in it he decides to pay as much attention as he can to make him proud.
Once, Pina arrives with a small strawberry cake that looks like it came from one of those refined bakeries, saying one of his dates had recommended the place. He goes on and on about how the guard had insisted it had to be cut in half to make sure it hadn’t something ‘suspicious’ —despite having already gone through a metal detector— ruining the elegant pattern made at the top of it, which he says used to be a flower. He doesn’t say anything about the price, but it looks expensive.
Later, when Pina leaves and he’s allowed to take off the muzzle for him to enjoy his gift —still in the visiting room, as the guard says it’s better if the other prisoners don’t see it— he’s sure this has to be expensive. It’s the most delicious thing he has tasted since he’s here, so much he almost cries from pleasure.
Aside from thoughtful gifts and considerate gestures, Pina has an odd sense of humor, too. He once brings him a soap that smells like honey.
"Just don't start licking yourself like a cat, please." He says in an amused tone. Riz, against his will, laughs and shakes his head.
Sometimes he talks non-stop about Bill and Aoba. It seems they're friends, now, and Riz is a little bit jealous about that; but he decides he doesn't mind at all, as long as Pina keeps coming to see him, he won't care that he talks about the others, even if it hurts to listen how everyone's life just keeps going on without him.
One day, the guard tells him he’s got a visit. Riz is already used to this, and he can’t hide his smile as they put the muzzle on him and cuff his hands. He already knows what to expect when the door opens, Pina will be there, in the middle of the room, smiling at him…
When he enters this time, though, his heart skips a beat.
Pina is glowing, shining like he's a ray of light in the middle of the room. The bear is sure he's not seeing things —he can see from the corner of his eye the guard is also staring at him with his mouth and eyes wide open.
"Ah, there you are." The ram says, and his voice sounds sweeter than usual. He sits down, and it's just then that Riz feels he can move, sitting next to him.
The guard is still at the door, not taking his eyes off of Pina.
“Is there a problem?” Pina asks, and the guy flinches and immediately leaves, closing the door behind him.
Pina smiles and looks up at him, and starts talking. He asks how he's doing, and Riz answers with monosyllables and half-mutters. He can't concentrate on the conversation, mesmerized by Pina's eyes that seem to be shining now more than ever. His white fur looks like it's reflecting the light in a way that shows multiple colors, like a rainbow. He even smells nicer, too —something like vanilla and fresh air.
“Did something happen?” He manages to ask. “You look… prettier than usual.”
Pretty doesn’t even get close to it. He looks gorgeous. Pina is by far the most beautiful guy he's ever met, but right now, words can't even describe how perfect he looks. Riz can’t describe exactly what’s different in him this time, but somehow he is.
“You think so? Why, thank you.” He says, tilting his head, smiling sweetly at him. “Nothing special happened, though. Perhaps I just become prettier with time.”
As usual, he tells him about his girlfriends, but Riz is barely paying attention. He can just stare at Pina, trying not to look directly at his lips as they form words. His half-lidded eyes seem almost hypnotizing, and his voice sounds so seductive…
He feels something weird in his chest. It’s not painful, but it’s not comfortable either. It’s like something is there now, filling him. It reminds him of how the honey used to take out his pain as soon as he felt it in his tongue. It’s… overly sweet.
"Riz-san." Pina interrupts himself, not finishing his last statement. "You're staring weirdly at me. You're not thinking about eating me, are you?"
He shakes his head… he isn’t, but now he wonders why he’s thinking about honey just by looking at him. “It’s just… you look really happy. Did-did you have a special date?”
Pina's smile softens, and he moves his eyes to the side. "Ah, not exactly. It's just… Legosi-senpai stopped by at school. We took him out for a meal yesterday. It was…" He laughs weakly. "It was a lot of fun."
Riz realizes then that Pina is blushing. As if he wasn’t already beautiful enough, it just adds more to the whole image. Pina raises his hand to move a strand of hair back. “He got into trouble, apparently he’s been busy doing some weird stuff.”
“Is he alright?” He asks, and feels just a little bit guilty for not really caring about the answer. He just wants to appear normal, and not like his heart is about to burst out of his chest.
Pina looks him in the eye when he answers with the sweetest, most tender smile ever. “He is.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He has never seen Pina this happy, never seen him blush like this, never seen him smile like this. It’s different from any expression he’s made before, so genuine, so full of life, so full of… of love.
It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
You’ve never done that expression with me. I had never seen you smile like this before, I want you to smile at me like that, I want to be the reason you smile like that, I want… I want…
I want you.
“Sorry, I… probably shouldn’t have mention Legosi-senpai.” Pina says, the beautiful expression dissolving to one of guilt. “I guess you didn’t want to hear that.”
"No, no I'm glad." He utters, though he doesn't sound sincere; even if he tries to smile, it looks fake, forced…
Because right now, he wants to kill Legosi.
He wants to ask, and at the same time, he doesn't want to hear the answer, because it's pretty obvious that Pina's heart is somewhere else right now and not with him. Still, why did it have to be Legosi? Of all animals, it had to be the one who looked past him, the one that opened his eyes…
"Hm, let's talk about something else." Pina says, and smiles gently again. He starts talking about Bill, something about the club and their studies, but Riz is not listening at all.
He just looks at Pina, really looks at him. He tries to memorize each and every part of his face, of his eyes, the way his fur curls and the shape of his horns; as if he’s never going to see him again, he can feel Pina slipping through his fingers.
Sometime later, the guard opens the door and tells them their time is over. He seems to avoid looking at Pina as they stand, and if it weren't for the sudden pain in his chest, Riz would have found it funny.
Just at the door, Pina turns at him and holds his arm, and Riz is proud of himself for not flinching. “By the way, I’ll be on the cover of a magazine this month.” He says as he squeezes lightly. “I’ll bring you a copy.”
Riz nods, and as he waves his hand he realizes it hurts to even move.
Time goes by, and Riz realizes that the more he thinks about Pina, the less he thinks about Tem. Everything about what happened back then feels almost like a dream, a nightmare, probably.
Riz often wonders if Pina’s going to stop coming at some point, but it doesn’t seem like he is. Pina says they’re friends, now, and that he wants him to get out of here soon so they can actually do things together.
During his last year at Cherryton, Pina does his best to teach Riz everything he learns. It works both ways, since this counts as the study Pina needs for his entrance exam next year. Apparently, he wants to go to the same College Bill and Aoba are.
He doesn't say it, but Riz can tell that Pina misses them both greatly. His eyes don't shine as brightly as they did last year. However, he does seem to get closer to Juno, and he talks a lot about her. It's the first time he talks about a girl whom he's not dating, and Riz is surprised at how much fondness he can express when there's nothing more than friendship between them.
He often wonders how Pina would talk about him if he did. Of course, he doesn't. Riz is a secret from the rest of the world.
There’s something about Riz that makes Pina feel better.
He doesn't know exactly what it is, but there's something soothing about his company. Pina discovers that he feels lighter, less stressed every time he visits. He rests better, too, which is a surprise given that Riz had given him nightmares after what happened at New Year's. But now, Riz is just too cute to even be scary. He has lost so much weight, he no longer looks as intimidating as he did; in fact, he looks kind of adorable now.
Sometimes, Pina wonders if Riz enjoys his company. He doesn't really speak much, and while most of the time it looks like he's paying attention, sometimes his gaze loses focus, like he's thinking about something else. Pina tries his best to keep him entertained, showing him shows on his phone and teaching him what he remembers from his classes. He thinks he's doing well at tutoring him, hoping it'll be enough for Riz to take his exams for his high school certificate once he gets out of here. He also brings books, both of his and his dates recommendations, hoping any of them will be of Riz liking —however, every time he asks, he only gets a shrug from him and a disinterested "it was good".
Their relationship is hard to define, now. Pretty much during his first visits, Riz had asked him to stop calling him “senpai”.
“It’s not as if I was ever a good senpai, anyway.”
So Pina had started calling him “Riz-san”, mostly because it seemed like they weren’t close enough to go just for the name. Riz had certainly not expressed interest in establishing their relationship as something more, Pina being the one who usually took control of their interactions, of how close they could be.
He thinks Riz might just be tolerating him since he's the only one who would come to see him; but sometimes, sometimes, Riz will look at him with so much tenderness… A smile so sweet and soft, mostly covered by his muzzle, yet so bright and genuine, Pina can't help but be enchanted by it, convinced Riz truly thinks of him as a close friend, that he likes him.
Those smiles make Pina feel so great, like all he wants to do for the rest of his life is take care of this bear. He starts seeing fewer girls, all his attention on Riz's well-being. It makes him feel so alive, he decides then that this is what he's meant to do.
He’s going to save this stupid bear.
Pina keeps bringing Riz books, which he reads mostly out of boredom rather than actual interest. He is still a lonely guy here, barely talking to anyone unless he’s addressed (which hardly ever happens). Still, he seems to be quite popular with the guards: such an intimidating carnivore who once ate a friend of his, being visited by a sheep, of all animals, is quite the show.
Pina, Pina, Pina. He can only think of him, both day and night. Every once in a while, his mom comes to visit, and he hates himself for being disappointed when he sees her brown fur instead of white, shining wool. It’s just that her visits, rather than being encouraging, left him more depressed than he already feels, only bringing back guilt and sadness in every small chat they have.
Pina's visits, on the other hand, fill him with energy and enthusiasm, like he's his source of life. That last year of high school is incredibly special, as Pina focuses most of his attention on him and his studies, instead of Bill, Aoba, or even girls.
Riz can hardly enjoy it, though, because he's afraid that, once he enters college, Pina's gonna stop coming. Being behind these walls gives a bear a lot of time to think, and his imagination, goddammit, won't stop coming up with all the different scenarios that might happen: Pina being too busy, getting too many girlfriends (or even worse, getting the one girlfriend), Pina not having time for him, Pina getting bored of him…
His chest hurts when he thinks of that. It hurts quite a lot, especially at nights, when he has to lay still and there's nothing to distract his thoughts. Sometimes he thinks about Tem, which leaves him hollow and unwilling to stand. Most times, he thinks of Pina, and that's another rollercoaster of emotions because he plays scenarios both good and bad, utopic moments where he can almost feel Pina's arms around him, others where he's the one holding Pina, or what is left from him, in a deep pool of blood in the dark.
It hurts even more to know the latest is much more likely to happen.
Pina enters college with top grades and a well-done entrance exam, and Riz is truly happy at seeing his eyes light up when he tells him about the face Bill made when he appeared out of nowhere, saying hi like they hadn't been apart for a year.
He looks so happy Riz doesn't even care how much his chest aches when he hears how Bill, once recovered from the almost heart attack Pina gave him, had dragged him across campus and introduced him to all of his friends, then took him to his apartment and played video games all night with him.
Pina doesn't change his routine, he comes by every two weeks, talks about his classes, about Bill and Aoba —who have essentially taken Pina into their social group despite being one year behind them— about his girlfriends…
And boyfriends.
He just arrives one day looking nervous, and Riz immediately asks if he’s feeling unwell, getting very close to him, trying to see if there’s something that indicates sickness. Pina laughs him off, apparently amused at how worried he is, and starts talking like usual, except that now he’s constantly averting his eyes to the side.
Then, at some point, he falls silent and starts playing with his wool. Riz is just about to ask what has happened, already thinking the worst.
I’m not coming back. I’m tired of this. I’ve found someone...
His chest already feels tight, almost unable to breathe, but what Pina says is something he's heard a hundred times before.
"I had a date." He says, quite naturally despite his anxiousness. "It was good, but we are probably not going to have a second one."
Riz waits for him to elaborate, but it doesn’t seem like he’s going to. “Was she… not your type or something?”
Pina goes still, and with a soft voice that Riz is barely able to hear, says: “He. He was… he was nice, but, you know, it didn't feel like we really had something good going on."
He stares directly at Riz, and the bear stares back, again waiting to see if there's something else, but Pina keeps quiet, and after a few seconds, he averts his gaze to the side and again starts playing with his wool, though this time he starts to tug at it.
"Ah, forget I said that." He says, and his voice sounds so sad, like he's holding something. "I shouldn't have mentioned it."
Pina’s weird attitude and the way he’s talking, like he’s so heartbroken, make him suddenly terribly angry.
“What did he do?” He asks, almost growls, and it seems to startle Pina, probably because he hasn’t heard him talk with that deep voice since the night of his fight with Legosi. “Is he bothering you? Did he hurt you?”
He’s pretty close to Pina right now, and he can clearly see the confusion in his big blue eyes; however, it lasts only a few seconds before Pina takes hold of his shoulders, trying to push him off a little bit.
“What? No, no, what are you talking about?” He gazes towards the door, because the way Riz is talking would certainly count as aggression. “Stop growling, do you want to get in trouble?”
But Riz couldn’t care less about the guards right now. “You’re acting weird, it is because of him, right?” He asks, and Pina is mildly glad that his voice, despite the dangerous tone, is not too loud. “He made you upset, why? Tell me what he did.”
And Pina opens his mouth, then closes it again, unable to form words. “I-he didn’t do anything, really. It was just a normal date.” And just before Riz starts insisting again, he adds. “He’s not the reason I’m upset.”
This doesn’t help Riz’s sudden anger. “Then what-”
"Riz." He says with as much authority he can muster. "I'm not upset, I was… I was anxious." Riz looks confused, and is enough for Pina to push him back a little harder. "You're the first person I tell about this."
Riz titles his head, now more confused than angry. “About what? What do you mean?”
Pina makes a face, looking incredibly exasperated. “That I like guys too, you idiot.”
And Riz just stares at him. Oh. Oh.
“Oh.” He mutters. He’s not sure what he should say, mostly because he already knew that; of course he did. Nothing had ever hurt as much as it did the day Pina appeared and talked about Legosi as if he were the most precious thing in his life, eyes full of admiration and love. Since that moment, Riz had known that his chances of losing Pina to a male had been as likely as losing him to a female.
“Oh? Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Pina laughs, his tone sounds indignant, but the smile on his lips is certainly real. "I-you're not even going to play shocked?"
“Sorry.” He says quickly “I… Is just I don’t mind. Like, no, it’s not like I don’t care, because I do, but there’s nothing wrong with it. I mean —you are a real catch, of course you’ll attract guys as much as you do girls… I, I just think you can date anyone you want, no matter what species or gender, they’ll be lucky to have you, or… or just be with you, you’re smart and handsome, so anyone you think deserves your company is good, right?”
He says all of it in record time, having to take air at the end of it because his outburst has left him breathless; hadn’t actually been thinking about his words, just not wanting Pina to be upset at him. Unfortunately, he’s not sure if that worked, since Pina is looking up at him as if he were a stranger, eyes big as plates and mouth open wide, almost gaping.
"You-" He starts, then takes another few seconds to think what he is going to say. "You truly mean that, don't you?"
Riz is not sure how to answer, because of course he means it, and it is a little insulting that Pina doubts him; like he doesn’t know he’s the most important thing in his life, like he has no idea how much he adores him—
“Haha, you-” Pina takes his face into his hands, laughing “You really are something…”
Riz frowns, already getting angry at the way Pina is taking his affection as a joke, when Pina suddenly throws his arms around his neck, pressing himself against him. Riz can feel Pina’s wool against his face and neck, and he almost shudders when he feels his lips whispering right into his ear.
“Thank you.” His voice is so nice, stripped of his usual sarcastic tone. “You’re the best friend ever.”
And Riz's heart melts. Is both the best and also the worst thing he's felt. He's incredibly happy, Pina's hug the closest he's been to heaven; and at the same time, Pina's comment about him being the best friend ever a terrible condemnation of guilt.
How could he be a best friend? He had eaten the only person who had tried to be his friend before. And now, he had fallen crazy in love with the only one he now has. Pina had come here offering more than he deserved, and Riz, greedy and unable to contain himself, had become completely smitten with him. Pina was all he wanted, he was his whole world, his complete life source.
Riz closes his eyes, trying to savor this moment for as long as he can. He can't hug Pina back, his hands cuffed and unable to hold the ram closer. He leans slightly in him, careful not to put too much of his weight onto him, because Pina feels so fragile, like he'll disappear if he's not cautious…
Pina moves his head and kisses his neck, then lets go of him. That kiss had lasted less than a second, but was enough to leave Riz speechless. The sheep is looking at him with a smile, that cute smile that makes him look like a young kid, completely innocent and free of ulterior motives.
"Are you honestly not surprised? Well, now I feel like an idiot." Ah, his voice is back to normal, playful even when he's talking about himself. "I really thought this would be a big revelation."
"I'm sorry." He's not sure exactly why he's apologizing, still in a daze after that gentle kiss. "It's just… you looked so troubled, I thought something really bad had happened, that someone had done something to you. The fact that you like guys seems like nothing next to that. You scared me."
Pina lets out a long sigh. “You scared me too, seriously, jumping to conclusions like that.” He shakes his head, yet smiles lightly. “But I still find it cute that you worry about me that much.”
“Of course I do.” He says, almost whispers. “You’re my best friend.”
Pina’s smile softens, and he runs his hand over Riz’s head, saying in an overly dramatic way: “My hero.”
Riz finally smiles at that, enjoying the way Pina’s hand plays with the fur between his ears as he speaks sweetly.
“Get out of here already.”
Spring turns to summer, and summer turns to autumn. As the seasons change Riz notices the way Pina’s mood changes, too. Still, he’s usually cheerful, always well dressed, his popularity increasing in and out of school.
But then, close to November, Riz notices Pina starts acting weird. He won't answer what it is, though, but he is looking at him in a way that appears sometimes threatening and sometimes pleading, like he's waiting for him to do something.
A couple of weeks before December, Pina finally decides to talk.
"You're turning twenty-one next month." He says almost as soon as he takes his seat, taking Riz off guard.
"I am." He says once he finds his voice again. "In fact, I was just going to tell you, just a few days ago they told me about the transfer and all of that. I-I'm still not sure how visits work in the new detention center, but they told me it's not much different from here. There may be more paperwork… But you are turning 20 just a couple of weeks after, right? You won't need your parents' signature or anything."
Riz waits for Pina to say something, but he’s just staring at him with an unreadable expression, or perhaps… perhaps there is disappointment there, because Pina looks like he's about to snap. He looks like he didn't want to hear that, like it has ruined his day.
It suddenly occurs to Riz that maybe Pina doesn’t want to keep up with this now that he’s being transferred.
"I-it's not far away from the train station, really." He says desperately. "And, and I'm sure it can't be much worse than here. I-you don't even have to come as much as you do here, just once in a month would be fine, right?"
Shit, shit, shit. It’s over, he can tell, his heart's already breaking, he can hardly breathe. Maybe it’d be best if they just let him die now, what good would it be to be alive if Pina’s not there for him now?
Please, please don’t leave me, you’re all I have, please stay…
He wants to beg, but his throat feels like it’s been blocked. Maybe he’s gaping, trying to force air to his lungs, he can feel himself close to tears…
And then Pina is holding his hands, his cuffed and gloved hands that can't even feel the soft fur of the precious being that is touching him.
“What? What are you talking about now?” He asks, and almost panics when he sees tears forming in the bear’s eyes. “I’m not— why would I— what?”
“Please don’t leave me.” He whimpers, lowering his head until he can press it against Pina’s neck. “Please, Pina-kun, I don’t mind if you come over just once every month, just don’t leave me all by myself…”
Pina pushes him away, and Riz feels his heart breaking completely. He did it with so much anger, and hate, and…
“You stupid bear.” He hisses. “Why would you think— I can’t believe you think so little of me, after all this time.”
"What?" Those words, it looks like he was wrong about this, but he doesn't get what's going on, and now Pina is angry, and he has to fix this before he leaves...
“You really think I would stop coming, just like that? Just because it is a little further away?” He sounds hurt, and now Riz just feels guilty. “I can’t believe you, you really are… You’re such an idiot, like I haven’t—”
“Wait, wait, Pina-kun.” He says, actually backing off a little because right now Pina’s wrath is the scariest thing he’s felt in years. “Pina-kun, don’t get mad, I just— you looked so upset when I said that, I- what did you want me to think? I thought you were angry, that you were tired of having to do this…”
"Of course I'm angry!" He yells, and Riz flinches and almost takes a look at the door to see if the guard is there, but right now looking away from Pina sounds like a very bad idea. "And of course I'm tired, how could I not be? I've been waiting weeks for you to tell me you're finally free, and now you're saying they won't let you out still. And worst of all, they're taking you to a more dangerous place, there are adults there, you won't be the biggest prisoner, they won't leave you alone so easily…"
His voice breaks into a sob at the last word. Oh no. He’s crying…
“No, wait, Pina-kun, Pina-kun, don’t cry.” He says as softly as he can, holding one of Pina’s hands, as he’s using the other one to clean his tears. He can’t feel his white fur, his big claws covered to prevent him from hurting Pina, but he hopes he’s at least a little bit soothing. “Please, don’t cry, I’m-I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’ll be fine, come on…”
Pina takes a deep breath. "I'm fine, it's just… "He looks up, trying to organize his thoughts because they both have had enough misunderstandings for a day. "I am upset, and it does bother me that I have to go to a new horrible place to see you, but it is not because I don't want to, I just wish they'll let you out so we can see each other outside.” He says, his voice incredibly steady despite still having a few tears running down his cheeks. “And don’t talk about this as if I’ve been forced into this. I don’t come here out of obligation, or anything else, I come because it is the only way I can talk to my best friend.”
Riz lowers his head. All this time, he has known Pina truly cares about him, and yet he keeps thinking that any moment everything will end, that one day Pina will just disappear from his life, and he'll be left alone, and every moment they had together will be no more than a dream.
“Pina-kun, Pina-kun, I’m sorry.” He repeats. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, and believe me, I think the world of you.” Pina looks at him, paying close attention to what he’s trying to say. “It’s just— I think, no, I know I don't deserve this, I don't deserve your friendship, and every time I remember that I feel like… like this is just a dream." He laughs weakly. "I've never understood why you'd come, there's nothing I can give you, I can't even talk to you about anything interesting, but I… I'm so glad you still think of me as a friend, that you still come no matter what, there are no words to describe how grateful I am to be this close to you, and it is because of that… I constantly fear that one day I'll wake up and all of our memories will turn out to be just something I made up…"
Pina takes a moment to let Riz's words settle down on his mind. It just occurs to him that maybe he has made the mistake of thinking Riz has as much control over this as he does, and it is no wonder that he'll be afraid, since Pina never did tell him honestly why he came here in the first place.
"Okay… okay, yeah, you're a mess." He says, but makes sure his tone shows enough fondness to show he's half playing. "It's not my place to say what you deserve or not, but…" He runs a hand up Riz's arm, massaging gently. "I do believe I deserve a good friend that listens to how beautiful I am and that, once he gets out of the stupid place I put him in, will make me a nice dinner all for myself. So stop worrying about it. I don't like to give up on things I want, and I want my best friend to be fine, even if it takes another forty minutes off my beauty rest."
Riz lets out a chuckle, and he smiles down at Pina. “Thank you…”
Pina nods, and then lets out another sigh. “Ah, it really is such a bother that they’re not letting you out… I had hoped you'd come to my coming of age ceremony…”
Riz opens his mouth, then closes it again, flushing deeply. Pina had… Pina had meant to invite him to his ceremony? Had he truly wished to be with him?
“I’ll bring some photos, otherwise you won’t believe how pretty I look in traditional clothes.”
“I’m sure you’ll look gorgeous.” He offers with a smile. His chest still hurts, but he can breathe again, and now he just feels some kind of peace inside of him.
Pina’s eyes shine as he laughs. “Of course I will.”
Later, walking back home, Pina holds his arm tightly, just where the scar he got that night on New Year’s Eve is.
He had hoped Riz would be free by the time his coming of age ceremony came, and had already been thrilled with the idea of him cleaning his wound at the temple.
Looking up at the sky, he wonders what Riz would do if he were eaten someday, cursed with a scar that never got purified by the carnivore who inflicted it.
As Riz had predicted, Pina had to go through a lot of paperwork before they could see each other again. The first thing that comes out of the sheep’s mouth when they’re finally next to each other is “Have they done something to you?”
The second thing, once he’s sure Riz is not lying and he is indeed well, is “Happy late New Year.”
The guard almost chokes on his coffee when he sees Riz nuzzling his head against Pina’s neck, and he spends the next hour reminding them to keep their distance if they don’t want trouble.
Pina, who's always looking for trouble, kisses Riz soundly in the neck just before leaving, and the bear doesn’t even pay attention to whatever it is the guard is yelling at Pina as he waves his hand in dismissal.
At least it seems they’re both equally dumbfounded at what just happened.
It is during his second year at college that Pina has his longest, most stable relationship.
The guy's a bull, and a year younger than him. His horns are nothing special, yet Pina finds them particularly cute. He comes from a nice family, has good grades, is pretty popular, and is quite a nice guy.
Or at least, that’s what he appears to be.
There’s something about the way he looks at him that Pina finds enchanting, mostly because it reminds him of the way he looks at others. The guy —named Heyse— is in fact as vain as Pina himself, and it’s clear he enjoys playing the ‘generous’ kid, which in Pina’s eyes just makes him all more arrogant.
Somehow, they end up being quite close. Heyse's eyes are sharp and with small pupils, his glasses do little to help with this fact, so much they remind him more of a carnivore's eyes than a herbivore's. He always smiles when seeing Pina, though it somehow looks like he's hiding something, and Pina finds it funny how much he feels as prey around this young bovine who is younger than him.
Is not like Heyse is rude at him, quite the opposite, actually; he's a real sweetheart, but Pina just finds that even more suspicious, because he has to wonder whether Heyse is just being nice or if there's some ulterior motive behind his generosity.
Heyse founds it amusing, apparently. “Ah, Pina, I’m giving it because I want you to have it, there’s nothing wrong in accepting a gift. You gave me some flowers last week, remember? Why can’t I return the gesture?”
“There’s a very big difference between ‘some flowers’ and a watch this fine, Heyse-kun.” He answers in a sweet tone, but he’s dead serious about this. “I certainly can’t accept something this expensive from a friend, let alone from my junior.”
Heyse lets out a snort. "How about accepting it from your boyfriend? Unless, of course, we've already broken up and I'm the only one not aware of it."
Ah, he's so passively aggressive, Pina loves him, really. "Such a generous boyfriend…" He pats the bull's cheek with affection, which makes his smile larger. "... whatever I did to deserve him? Surely I'm not worth this much sentiment."
Heyse gets away from him, laughing at Pina’s dramatic choice of words. “Ah, if you want to break up with me just say so, no need to play humble now.”
And Pina laughs, too, because this guy can see through him and answer back with as much sass as he does.
Bill doesn't like him much, saying that "he can just stand one of them at a time", but is truly happy for Pina and actually encourages him to accept each and every gift the young bull offers. Aoba, on the other hand, gives actual advice on what he should accept and how to graciously decline the most expensive offerings. Pina is quite surprised at how well they take his liking to guys, at least until Bill says something about him "not stealing any more girls from them".
Which is kind of stupid anyway, as he's been spending a whole lot of time with Els, despite her being in another college on the other side of the city.
Surprisingly, it is Riz who Pina is most worried about.
Of course he won’t judge him, he already knows Pina’s game; but the thing is, this time it’s different. For starters, Heyse is the only person he’s seeing right now, and aside from that, this relationship is kind of serious.
Or at least, the most serious Pina has ever had.
He speaks about him as casually as he can, and Riz listens attentively as always. Pina doesn’t want to sound too excited about this, but it is hard not to talk wonders about Heyse, who excels at everything he gets into, and of course, that includes dating Pina.
Riz barely says a word, and while he’s usually quiet, this time there’s something in the atmosphere that unnerves Pina. The bear has an unreadable expression, nothing in his eyes or snout that can tell Pina what he’s thinking.
Once he's done talking, it takes Riz a few seconds before he dares open his mouth.
"He sounds like a very nice guy." He says, his voice a neutral sound that transmits nothing. "You seem to think very highly of him."
Pina scoffs. "Actually, it's more like I don't think as highly of him as others do. He's quite vain, you see, but everyone likes him because he's quite generous."
Riz titles his head. “Isn’t that good?”
Shaking his head, Pina waves his hand as if to deny this. "No no, he's generous, and a very nice guy, but he's just like that because it makes him feel better than others, superior."
Riz considers this for a second. “Then, why are you with him? You just talked about him like you truly like him.”
Pina’s eyes stare at the wall as he answers. “That’s the thing, I do like him.” He smiles lightly. “He’s not as good as everyone thinks, but he’s not as bad as he tries to make me think, you know?”
Just then, when saying it out loud, Pina realizes how much that sounds just like Riz back at Cherryton. When he had tried to scare him in the restrooms, and then again at New Year's eve.
He’s not sure if Riz notices, but he stays quiet for a while, not looking at him.
“If you like him, that’s good enough.” He says in the end, though he doesn’t sound very convinced.
“So, you’re okay with him?”
Riz turns to stare straight at him, frowning in uncertainty. “Why do you ask? It’s your decision, it doesn’t matter if I’m okay with him or not.”
"It does to me." Pina utters in a soft voice. "You are my closest friend."
Just then Riz closes his eyes and inhales deeply. He's so angry right now, he wishes he could find this bull guy and break him in half, but that's just blind rage. He should be happy for Pina, because he looks quite smitten with this kid, no matter how vain he sounds. Pina, his best friend, his only friend, is telling him all of this because he trusts him. He doesn’t know how much he loves him, how much it hurts when he talks about someone else like that, how envious he is of this and any other person that gets to be that close to him.
He is not trying to make him feel bad on purpose, he just wants his best friend to support him. Riz can just imagine how nervous Pina must be, this being his first serious boyfriend.
He exhales, opening his eyes and looking directly at Pina's blue orbs. "I think he's a good catch. He might not be very nice, but neither are you, so it might be good for the both of you to learn something from one another."
Pina makes an indignant sound. “I’m not nice? Why, I'm not letting you watch that stupid cooking program on my phone ever again."
Riz lets out a chuckle, shaking his head. "You'll just prove me right."
Pina hits him in his arm, just a playful hit —not like he could hurt Riz even if it had been serious—, sighs, and then leans his head on Riz.
Riz almost jumps, but manages to stay still until he calms down and tension leaves his body. It’s surprising how, no matter how much time passes, Pina’s touch is as electrifying as if it were the first time.
He can’t lean back, as he’s too heavy and Pina’s horns are a big risk, but he enjoys the feeling all the same. Pina’s so small and light, yet the weight in his arm is firm, solid, comforting.
"Pina-kun." He says softly, and Pina makes a sound of acknowledgment, but he stays right where he is. "If he hurts you, I'll make sure he pays for it, once I'm out of here."
Pina scoffs, but he nuzzles closer. “You’ll get out just to get immediately back again? No way, you owe me much more than that.” Finally, he moves away, pointing his hand towards his horns. “I can take care of myself, you know. As long as it isn’t another brown bear, I shall take them down with no problem.”
It’s just a joke, something Pina always does when they’re together, but it hurts, because it is true. No matter who it is, everyone and anyone will be safer for Pina than he is.
Later, they both go to bed thinking of the other. Riz's heart is in pain, and no matter how much he wishes he could stop his mind from doing it, he spends a great amount of time imagining he's the one holding Pina, playing with his wool and kissing his lips.
Pina, on the other hand, holds a plushie of a cow that Heyse gave him and hugs him tightly, because it just feels as soft and comfortable as Riz did earlier. The bull couldn't be any further away from his dreams that night.
A few months after Pina starts dating Heyse, Bill announces he's dating Els. Is not a surprise at all, but they act like it is so as not to ruin the couple's enthusiasm.
That's the more relevant thing that happens for the rest of the year. His relationship with Heyse, while not boring, is mostly quiet. They have their dates in simple places, and, since the bull is a year younger, they're not as glued to each other as other couples, each having their group of friends and different schedules and responsibilities. Still, the time they spent together, while limited, is something they both enjoy greatly.
Time goes by, and Pina feels… weird. Everything is going on just fine, he's doing well at school, he's made a lot of friends, he's quite popular, he has been offered a lot of work lately, appearing in more covers than ever, his relationship with his senpais and boyfriend are doing great (he has even seen Legosi a couple of times, since his girlfriend studies in the same university he is in).
And it still feels like it’s not enough.
He starts missing Riz more often than he did before. Thinking about him at random moments, wondering if he’s doing fine. Perhaps it is because, now that he’s not at juvie, the risk of him getting into trouble is much higher. Pina is constantly worried.
He’ll like to visit more often, but he’s pretty busy. Between school, crazy schedules for his photo sessions, and spending time with Heyse, Pina hardly has any time left to go all the way to the detention center, which is further away than juvenile.
It also doesn’t help that he's still living with his parents.
So far, he's kept Riz mostly a secret from everyone else —Juno had been close to catching him once, her nose as good as Legosi's, but Pina had somehow managed to run away from her. He had started wearing a lot of lotion since then.
Heyse suspects something, too. But, Rex bless him, he's not truly interested in Pina's private business.
“If you wanted me to know, then you would have told me.” He had said. “Whatever it is, is not of my concern. I trust you, and I’ll wait until you trust me enough to tell me.”
Pina wishes he could be angry at him for being so mature and understanding.
However, his parents have been a constant source of anxiety. Pina should have told them sooner, but had been afraid of them taking action against his visits. Now tho, now they would definitely kill him for lying and going to see a predatory offender in prison without telling anyone.
As things stand now, Pina is feeling incredibly stressed. Not even seeing Riz is enough to calm his nerves, because as soon as he exits the facility he wants to go back and hug the bear as hard as he can.
It is November again when Pina enters the visiting room and Riz throws his arms over him and brings him close to his chest, hugging him for the very first time.
Pina is quite surprised, especially when a few seconds pass with Riz just rubbing his head against him and the guard at the door says nothing, despite having a lot to say every time he has been here before.
“Riz? What-what happened? Hey, you’re— ah, you’re holding too tight…”
“I’m leaving.” Riz says, not letting go of him but not squeezing too hard.
Pina pushes him as hard as he can so he can look him in the eye. “What?”
"I'm leaving, they-they say I can be released at the end of this month, as long as I don't cause trouble." He says, and finally lets go of him, but he doesn't move more than that. "I—"
Pina throws his arms around his neck and brings him close again, tugging at his fur. He doesn't know what to say, and is only able to let out a sob before he starts crying, not letting go of the bear.
He’s surprised when he realizes Riz is crying, too. He’s pressing himself against him in a way he’s never done before, and Pina can’t believe how heavy he truly is, no matter how much weight he has lost over the years.
They stay like that for Rex knows how long. Pina can't stop caressing Riz's fur at the back of his head, sometimes moving up to tug at his ears.
"Pina-kun," Riz whispers right next to his head. "Pina-kun, what am I going to do?"
Pina laughs weakly. "I-I'm not sure. Your parents, do they know already?"
Riz nods. “Mom says I can go back home.”
Pina sighs, he's finally stopped crying. "You'll need your high school certificate. And a job." He moves away, then. "And a whole lot of things this place is surely going to ask from you."
Riz lowers his head, looking like a lost child despite his size. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it." He whispers, and Pina can hear the fear in his voice.
The ram caresses the top of his head. "It's alright... I'm sure you'll be fine. You can always start selling pastries."
Riz chuckles and presses his head against Pina's head. If he gets out, he'll be able to run his nose against Pina's wool, right?
"You should be happy. You don't want to stay in this place, right?"
"Hmm." He doesn't answer, not sure what the right answer is. Of course he doesn't want to stay here, but the only thing he truly wants is to be close to Pina.
They stay close to each other for the rest of the hour, not really saying much more than that. Riz is truly unsure about how he’s going to get his life back together, but he has Pina, and that’s enough for him.
"It's going to be fine." The sheep assures once again. "I'm sure of it."
.
.
.
.
.
Too bad things are never as easy as one wants them to be.
Your hope is what keeps me alive.
Too bad it's unfunded.
The world keeps on moving fast.