Chapter Text
"I used to be just not good enough! Just not good enough for the diamonds!"
"But now?! Now...I'M NOT GOOD AT ALL!"
***
Ranboo's friends surrounded him, worrying and checking him over for injuries. He laughed off their concern, reassuring them and discussing what had happened. Tommy didn't bother to listen. It didn't matter. None of that concern - none of the care or love - was for him.
Tommy took a step back, then another. No one noticed. He turned and began to trudge away, staring at the barren earth beneath him.
He did this. He ruined everything once again. No wonder his famil- the diamonds left him.
He was worse than a broken toy. He broke the toys.
I ruin everything I touch.
"Tommy! Wait!" Tommy cursed internally, turning back to Ranboo. The human-gem hybrid was running to catch up to him, looking concerned.
"I really was going to come back!"
"I know." Tommy gave Ranboo a wobbly smile. "I'm really sorry about all this. I took my anger out on you, you didn't deserve that. Even if you are a pushover."
Ranboo didn't smile back, which just made Tommy's guilt worse.
"I don't understand. You could stay! Here, with us!" Tommy was already shaking his head before Ranboo even finished.
"Nah. I've caused enough damage for all of you. I think… I think I need to figure out how to by myself again. Y'know? I spent so long hoping to be good enough that I stopped remembering how to just be me."
He stared off into the distance. It was easier than meeting Ranboo's pitying gaze.
"Just wish I could know why . Why wasn't I enough?" He sighed.
"Tommy, no. You are enough! I don't understand why the diamond syndicate left you there, but I promise, you did not deserve that. The next time I see them, I'll be giving them a piece of my mind."
Ranboo shook his head. "Gosh, I thought they were doing better, too! I can't believe they never even mentioned you."
The hybrid was so lost in his rant, he didn't notice the way the spinel was hunching in on himself, listening to Ranboo's words.
"Yeah, well," Tommy cut Ranboo off, not wanting to hear any more about how his so-called family left him to rot. "Feel free to do that when I'm not around. I think it'd be best if I just… avoid them. If they didn't even want to say goodbye, I doubt they'd be very happy to see my face again-"
Tommy was starting to think maybe he was cursed. Because no sooner had he spoken, the ground began to shake and the wind gushed as a spaceship lowered to the beach. A very familiar spaceship.
" Hey, Ranboo!"
"Weird decoration choice goin' on here."
"We interrupting something, mate?"
The voices echoed from the speakers, broadcasting for miles around and stabbing Tommy right in the gem. He knew those voices. He dreamed for centuries to hear those voices again. And now, he finally did and it was a living nightmare.
He sprinted for cover, barely noticing Ranboo glancing between him, and the ship. But thanks to Tommy's brilliant plan to blow up the earth, the area was barren except for mounds of dirt and debris. He eventually settled on a boulder, cowering behind it and praying Ph- Emerald Diamond wouldn't move close enough to look over it and spot him.
The ground stopped shaking for a moment but Tommy was too petrified to check. Then, there was another tremor. Then another after that. Tommy realized it was Pink Diamond walking .
Oh, fuck. They're actually here.
Half of Tommy's mind was screaming to run out and beg to be held. To be loved and cherished and play games with them again. The other half was screaming that it would be suicide. They left him. They didn't want him anymore.
Worst of all, he stopped playing the game. He was supposed to stay on Logsteadshire and he didn't.
They were going to be absolutely furious if they saw him.
"Guys, what? Why are you here?!" Ranboo groaned as the three alien giants exited their ship.
"Oh, c'mon Ranboo. It's so boring when you leave! The palace is so quiet and well-"
"We decided to move to Earth!"
Tommy clapped a hand over his mouth to hold in his sob. That was Wi- Yellow Diamond. He ached to run into the larger being's arms and never leave. He had to bite his palm to snap himself out of it.
When will you get it through your stupid skull?! They don't want you! He yelled at himself.
"What?! No! You can't live here, there's no room! There's no way you could fit in my house… look, just. Go back to homeworld, okay? I'll come visit soon! I just, ugh, I really am not in the right headspace to talk to you guys."
"Well, we don't need to live with you. I'm sure there's room somewhere… hm." There were those tremors again, not as intense as before. Tommy assumed it was Emerald Diamond moving alone this time.
Tommy looked to the side and gasped, shrinking back. Oh stars, he was right there. He just had to look to the right and down and he would see Tommy.
The spinel didn't allow himself to drink in the head diamond's appearance. If he did he would surely lose it and right now, he needed to stay hidden.
"It's a pretty simple game, Tommy. If you can't even play hide and seek right, what makes you think they'll want you around at all?"
Tommy blinked back tears as he fought the memories threatening to overwhelm him. Later. He could have his break down later.
Tommy could hear Ranboo's distressed voice, trying to get Emerald Diamond to leave or at least move away from Tommy's hiding spot. Maybe the human wasn't so bad. He seemed like he really was trying to help Tommy.
The spinel decided he wasn't going to waste Ranboo's distraction. He slowly started to crawl away, traveling quietly around the circumference of the boulder in the hope that Emerald Diamond would completely bypass him. He couldn't see Pink Diamond but the tremors had strengthened again and the rumbling baritone vibrated the earth and Tommy's chest. He assumed the diamond was walking with Emerald Diamond, observing the planet.
Tommy was so focused on escaping the two beings with the highest viewpoint, he forgot about one crucial detail.
"Well, well. Who are you, little one? I don't remember you from Ranboo's playmates."
Yellow Diamond was always so curious.
Tommy was petrified, on his hands and knees in front of someone he wanted to see so badly and yet, he also wanted to run away from and never see again. He was so lost in his panic, he didn't realize at first what exactly Yellow Diamond had said.
Wait… is he acting like he doesn't know me? The idea hurt more than Yellow deciding to scream and curse him out for daring to show his face. But it didn't seem right. It didn't seem like Wil- Yellow Diamond's style.
"...Are you alright? Can you hear me?" The amusement in the diamond's tone was fading the longer Tommy went without replying.
But he couldn't. What could he say? " Hey, Wilby! Remember me? Well, I guess you'd rather not, huh? Sorry, I'll get outta your hair and you can go back to pretending I don't exist!"
Sure, that'd go over real well. Absolutely no backlash whatsoever.
Two shoes entered Tommy's vision as Yellow Diamond stepped closer.
"Seriously, why are you crawling on the ground like that? What's your name? Do you have one? You look very familiar…"
It was the last statement that made Tommy realize what was happening. Yellow Diamond didn't recognize him. When Tommy reformed, his form changed so drastically from what the diamond probably remembered.
A very large hand covered his back and he gasped, flinching away but trying to keep him face down. Sure, Yellow hadn't recognized him yet, but Tommy had no doubt that he'd be found out if the larger being saw his face. That hadn't changed much with the reform.
"Are you hurt? I know, you probably have heard some nasty stories about me and my companions but we've been working on that. I promise, I mean you no harm." The diamond crouched and Tommy hunched into a ball, trying desperately to avoid his fate.
"Oh, come on. Are you trying to hide? You know, it's not actually true that if you can't see me, I can't see you." The diamond chuckled.
Tommy didn't say anything and there was a sigh.
"Seriously, feeling a little offended here. Can't you look at me? Come on, that's it." A hand entered his vision, cupping his chin. Tommy whimpered and was shushed.
"Shh, it's alright. I won't hurt you. I just want to know what's...wrong…"
Tommy couldn't bear to look. He kept his eyes tightly shut, tears leaking through despite this. There was a long moment of silence where he assumed Yellow Diamond was studying his face. Recognizing his face.
"Oh, my stars." He gasped. " Tommy?!"
Several things happened at once. Tommy bursted into tears. Hearing his name coming from the lips of the one that had given it to him had been too much.
Ranboo shouted from off in the distance " GET AWAY FROM HIM!" as he must have just realized what was going on.
And finally, Yellow had released Tommy's chin only to grab him by the arms and yank Tommy into his chest.
Tommy gasped, eyes popping open in shock. He didn't fight the hold, he didn't want to fight the hold. If anything, he wanted to burrow closer and never leave. Not that he had much choice. Yellow Diamond was caging him in, his arms like steel bands strapping Tommy to his chest.
"It's you." He gasped and Tommy felt him press his face into Tommy's hair. "You're here." The elation in the diamond's tone was as confusing as it was heart-warming.
The minuscule hope that was peaking out was soon crushed as the arms tightened even further.
".... You're here." He growled and Tommy flinched. Any happiness had been washed away with fury.
"Wilbur! Let him go, right now!"
Wilbur did nothing of the sort. Tommy was lifted higher as the diamond stood back up, cradling the spinel close to his chest. Tommy allowed himself to be manhandled. Wilbur only needed one arm to hold Tommy securely.
Once upon a time, Tommy loved how he could disappear in his Wilby's arms like that. Now, he was just reminded of how doomed he was.
"Wilbur? What is going on? What do you have there?" That was-
"It's Tommy." Wilbur growled. A large hand covered the back of his head when he whined.
There was a gasp and a growl.
"What."
"Starlight…?"
"Wilbur! You're upsetting him, let him go!"
"I will not." Wilbur snarled. "How long have you known about this? What did you do to him?!"
"What are you talking about? What did he do?" Fuck, Techno sounded pissed. Tommy couldn't bring himself to look. He kept his face buried in Wilbur's chest so he didn't have to face the fury and disgust that was sure to be present on the largest diamond's face.
Phil still had yet to speak past the old nickname and Tommy could only assume he was quietly hoping this was all a bad dream.
"Look at his arms." Wilbur hissed and Tommy's gem dropped to his feet.
"No." He gasped, finally struggling against the hold on him. "Please, don't…" Tommy knew he was broken, he knew the cracks on his arms were gruesome and disgusting, signs of a defective gem. Tommy would rather be poofed and reformed a thousand times over than ever have the three most important beings to him look upon his ruined state.
"Tommy, enough. Let us see." Wilbur was firm but not harsh. (Never harsh. None of them had been with Tommy. No matter how annoying he was they had never yelled at him. They were always so entertained by their spinel's antics. Or, at least, Tommy thought they had been.)
Despite his squirming, Wilbur adjusted Tommy so that the two beings had a better few of his front and his upper arms. His eyes remained shut so he wouldn't have to see the disgust that was sure to be on the two other diamonds' faces.
" You." Phil hissed and Tommy shrunk back into the arms holding him. There was a sad sound and a kiss pressed to his forehead.
"What did you do to him." Despite the wording, the tone made it clear this was not a question. It was a demand. Tommy felt relieved that Phil wasn't actually aiming that angry tone at him .
Then, he realized there was only one other being Emerald Diamond could be talking to.
"What did I do? What did you do?! How come you've never mentioned him before. You had me so convinced you were all becoming better and then I hear about how much you hurt Tommy!"
There was a long silence where no one spoke. Only broken by Ranboo catching his breath and Tommy's intermittent sniffles.
"I have been very patient with you, Ranboo." Oh, no. Oh, no no nonono no. That was Phil's calm "you are facing imminent shattering" tone.
"I have let you scurry around, making your little demands and running your little colony. But this? This?" Booming footsteps shook the earth and Tommy clenched his jaw. Please not him. This was all Tommy's fault.
" Did you really think you could get away with-"
"Stop! Please, please don't!" Tommy twisted in the arms restraining him, forcing himself to finally look at Phil. He was looking over Ranboo and his friends. Shield up and weapons drawn. Techno was crouched near Tommy and he had to force himself not to flinch at the intense gaze fixed on his form.
Phil had frozen, not turning away from Ranboo but he had stopped which was more than Tommy could hope for.
"Please, Ph-My Diamond, please. He didn't do anything. This is all my fault! Please, punish me instead. Please don't hurt him!" He reached an arm out, like he could physically stop Phil from hurting Tommy's new friends.
Wilbur gasped but Tommy couldn't look away. He was terrified any second now he would see Ranboo be shattered. The boy had done so much for Tommy and he had absolutely no reason to.
"I'm done with this. We need to get him out of here. I don't care what you two do, but I am getting him on the ship and leaving. " Wilbur announced with a swift turn, marching towards the diamonds' ship.
"No!"
"No…"
Tommy and Ranboo spoke at the same time but one was a shout and the other was barely above a whisper. Wilbur did not falter, if anything, his pace began to speed up as they neared the ship.
There was the sound of a gem poofing and Ranboo crying out and Tommy gasped, straining to see. Wilbur simply adjusted him so Tommy was held in one arm and the other pressed his face into Wilbur's chest. Not allowing him to see any of the fight occurring as they entered the ship.
They stopped walking and the booming vibrations grew stronger and off beat as the two other diamonds approached.
"Let me hold him." Technoblade said as he entered the ship. There was a hiss as the latch sealed, cutting off Ranboo's cries.
Wilbur tightened his grip on Tommy and there was a pause before Phil said his name in a warning.
" Wilbur . We need to see the damage. Give him to Technoblade." Wilbur grumbled, and it was so reminiscent of eons ago Tommy ached.
He remembered so vividly when the youngest diamond would bundle Tommy away from the others, Tommy laughing along over the game they were playing. Until Techno would whine to Phil about Wilbur hoarding Tommy. Phil would have to get involved but he'd just use it as an excuse to keep Tommy to himself, instead. Claiming it was so the others could calm down. He would say this as he held Tommy in his hands, a finger petting his hair and Tommy turning to goo under the ministrations.
Suddenly, Tommy could move and he blinked his eyes open - when had he closed them? - staring up at pink irises surrounding diamond shaped pupils. There was a sensation of rising as Techno lifted Tommy closer to his eyesight. The spinel shied away from the attention, attempting to curl up. A large thumb put a stop to the motion, pinning him gently as the gem in his chest was poked and prodded. Observed for oddities and cracks.
"There's nothing there. Must be something with the reform." The digit holding him down smoothed gently over the facet of the spinel gem. Tommy shivered, blinking away tears. The touch was so careful, so seemingly loving, Tommy was having a hard time remembering that it was temporary. That he was mere hours away from being dumped back to that damned garden.
"He shouldn't have been reforming at all! Who would dare poof him?" Wilbur snarled from somewhere below Tommy. He didn't respond. They weren't addressing him. Tommy had learned at least that much from Dream, thankfully. He knew better than to speak when not spoken to.
There was a pause in the conversation and then the thumb holding him against Techno's palm moved. Tommy was released and he sat up staring down at himself in favor of meeting that giant, intense gaze.
"Tommy?" Fuck, he had to look now didn't he. He glanced up from under his brow, a blank expression meeting his own.
"How did you reform? Who did it?" The words were simple but Tommy had a feeling they held a myriad of deeper meanings. Technoblade was like that. Seen as the brute of the diamonds but Tommy once knew him better than that. He would sit and listen for hours of the many tales the diamond had memorized and recited for him. Watched him talk strategies and battle plans with a confidence that only came with eons of experience.
Once upon a time, Tommy felt pride that he could entertain such an incredible being. Once upon a time, he was sure that a question asking who had caused Tommy to poof would really be asking "Who do I need to shatter?" Now, Tommy knows better and he cringes at how embarrassingly naive he had been. How ridiculous he was, to believe he was anything more than a nuisance.
Technoblade narrowed his eyes and Tommy realized with a panic he must have been silent too long.
"It wasn't- no one did…" The spinel struggled to explain how he had gained his new appearance. Tommy didn't even understand it fully.
"I see. It was an accident, then?" The fingers curled, pressing against Tommy's back. He ached to cling to them but knew his place and kept his hands firmly in his lap.
Part of Tommy wanted to leave it at that. It was much less humiliating to say he was just stupidly clumsy than admit he was so defective he just poofed out of nowhere.
But he could never lie to the diamonds. They meant too much to him.
"I...I guess so? I don't really remember. One second I was me and the next I was…" He shrugged making a small gesture with his hands. "Poof."
...Okay maybe he could twist the truth a little, at least. He technically told them what happened. Tommy just left out the bit about feeling so emotionally unstable he thought he was shattering seconds before he poofed. That part didn't really matter anyway.
Technoblade frowned and Tommy's gem dropped to his stomach. Before he could try and apologize he was being lowered, placed on a platform. He glanced around, taking in the size and how Technoblade lowered as well, almost to Phil's height. He must have been put on a table. The larger two of the diamonds taking a seat and the third…
He was scooped up from behind, held tightly to Wilbur's chest again. There was a noise, like someone was trying to hold in a sigh.
"Mate-"
"Philza, it's genuinely hilarious that you think I'm letting him down for even a second ." The arms tightened pointedly for a moment. Phil tried to look disapproving but Tommy could see the faint glimmer of amusement in his eyes.
Said amusement faded when his gaze traveled down to meet Tommy's. Tommy couldn't stand to see what irritated expression was sure to take over Phil's features. He turned, burying himself into Wilbur's hold. There was a cooing sound and Tommy was adjusted as Wilbur took a seat on the ground.
"Sunshine," Wilbur sang and Tommy's throat closed up. "How long have you been on Earth?"
The tone was so pleasant. Wilbur must be furious.
"Not long… only a few days." He whispered. Wilbur gave a pleased hum and carded his hand through Tommy's hair.
"And what exactly were you doing before then? Well, obviously nothing good if you're going around reforming willy-nilly."
Tommy squeezed his eyes shut.
"Please, My Diamond, I'm sor-"
"Why are you calling me that?" Wilbur sounded hurt and Tommy felt what was left of his shattered gem got stomped into tiny pieces. Tommy thought… but no. Of course. He should have known better. They weren't Tommy's anything . Calling them "My Diamond" was still too familiar for a Spinel that was useless and unwanted.
Still, the way Wilbur was clinging to Tommy was confusing. Was he trying to keep Tommy calm? Or was this his way of being merciful? One last embrace before never-ending isolation and solitude.
Tommy wishes he'd be cruel instead because Tommy definitely didn't have the strength to pull away, himself.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. Tears pooling in his eyes once more despite his desperate attempts to hold them back.
"...No, Tommy. I'm sorry." Wilbur sighed, leaning forward to rest his cheek on the top of Tommy's head.
"We're all sorry. But we can't let you wander around anymore. I know this isn't what you want, but it's for the best." That was Phil, finally chiming in.
Tommy sobbed, hating how kind they were as they sealed his fate. Wilbur shushed him, rocking back and forth.
"I promise, we'll make sure you're happy, Starlight. Maybe not at first, but you will be."
How could I ever be happy without you?! He wanted to wail but his voice wasn't working.
All he could do was cry and wish this was all a bad dream. That he'd wake up and see the way Wilbur would roll his eyes, complaining that sleeping was a ridiculous game and Technoblade was a bad influence. Finding refuge with Phil as the pink diamond trapped Wilbur to his chest, falling back asleep. Laughing and tugging on Phil's hair, pleading him to join the others until the man gave in.
Cuddling with Wilbur, safe between the two giant beings.
Phil still hadn't touched him. Technoblade had held him for barely a diagnostic. Wilbur's hug was soured with pity.
Tommy wished they'd just shatter him instead.