Chapter Text
You’re staring into a face you never imagined you would see again, and the only thing registering is total shock. For a brief moment, you’re caught up in emotions that have you aching to believe. Distantly, you hear yourself say her name, feel tears brimming in your eyes. For just a brief moment, she’s here.
But it doesn’t last.
You’re wrenched back to reality as your brain catches up to your foolish heart. Logic and reason point out the inconsistencies and contradictions in a flurry of self-preventative admonishment, skipping like an old tape recorder stuck in a loop. You’re the one being crushed in its gears, flattened between your thoughts of ‘ stupid! ’, ‘ did you really think– ’, and ‘ you should know better ’.
This is the real world. Not the simulation. Whoever this person is? It isn’t Nanami. At first glance, she’s identical to the Nanami you remember, but it doesn’t take long to spot the differences. This person can’t be Nanami; not with the weight of the world pressing down on her shoulders. Not with defeat so clearly written in her posture. And especially not with those dull eyes of hers…
Those eyes so devoid of life, as if somewhere along the way the light in them had been completely snuffed out.
Your own face goes blank, and you straighten up, bringing your hand back to your side.
“Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”
Chiaki Nanami finds herself sharing a table with her former teacher Yukizome, their new ally Mitarai, and the infamous survivors of the Great Killing Game; as well as the boy from before, the one who caught her when she’d tripped. The same boy who is pointedly ignoring her now.
Well. She’d had no clue what she was getting herself into with these people when she’d followed Yukizome-sensei to the island, but perhaps this was for the best. Out of all the possible responses she’d imagined coming from the Remnants of Despair once they met their ‘friend’ who wasn’t really their friend… well, she can handle being ignored. It’s not like she has to do anything about it.
Being ignored suits her just fine.
The small boy she recognizes as Makoto Naegi calls everyone’s attention to the front, and Nanami sits just a bit straighter in her seat. It is very strange to be able to see him– and the others– in person, she thinks.
“Okay, I know this is unexpected, but we’ll hear what Yukizome-san has to say in just a minute.” He adresses his teammates. “Can you guys handle setup? I’d like to speak with Hinata-kun before we start.
“That’s perfectly fine,” Kyoko Kirigiri answers. “Go ahead.”
“Thank you!” he turns to that same boy from before, the only person here she doesn’t know; they’re silent as Naegi gestures for him to follow. Nanami watches them exit out of the corner of her eye, mulling over the name apparently belonging to the stranger.
Almost the entire world knew of the existence of the Remnants of Despair. A handful of the population had gathered intel on specific members; some known by name, others by talent… others connected to the unspeakable horrors they’d unleashed into the world. The Future Foundation, though, was different. As she was a member of the organization, she’d been thoroughly briefed on each member, their talents, their deeds… All within her first week.
It suffices to say that Nanami can recite information on the Remnants at the drop of a hat. Or maybe even in her sleep.
Yet she had never heard of anyone with the surname Hinata. He’d seemingly recognized her, and that had to mean that he was a remnant, trapped in the Neo World Program alongside her virtual counterpart… right? Otherwise, how would he possibly know of her whilst she knew nothing of him?
Yukizome began chattering away, delighted to reunite with a few of her former students. Mitarai– whose face was finally back to a normal color– took a notepad out of his pocket and began to sketch. Nanami could feel some of the agents present sending glances her way, the same way she couldn’t help glancing over at them.
Aoi Asahina, Yasuhiro Hagakure, and Kyouko Kirigiri. She has never spoken to them before (nor has she spoken with Naegi or the other survivors), yet she feels as though she knows them. She’d witnessed their darkest moments, fought tooth and nail to set them free, wept alongside them as their friends were killed one after another…
As her friend was killed.
Thinking about Chihiro, as always, unintentionally turned her unwilling thoughts to the moments before it happened. The scene unfolded– as it always did, as she felt it always would– burning its horrors into her brain. The inky fragments of her memories spun disjointedly inside her head; there– Chihiro’s trusting smile aimed at exactly the wrong person. There– her own heart shuddering to hear her friend's biggest secret being broadcast to the world. There– the unstained gym bag neatly tucked into a locker, framed by spikey auburn hair that was unmistakably theirs. There– the hand tightly clenching the dumbbell and beginning to shake. There– Chihiro’s back turned away from the danger looming just behind. There– her own desperate shouting bleeding into a frantic wail, pleading for mercy… knowing it was all for nothing. No one would hear her through the screen.
There– the sickening crunch– Chihiro would never move again.
Her stomach lurches, and she quickly fumbles for her DS. She shouldn’t be thinking about this now, not with people around–
Her best coping mechanism has just died of low battery. Without meaning to, she abruptly stands up and draws everyone’s attention to herself. All she wants to do is disappear.
“Bathroom…?” she croaks.
“Down the hall to the left,” Kirigiri answers immediately.
Nanami exits the room.
“Why didn’t you tell me,” is the first thing you can force out of your throat.
“I’m so sorry, Hinata. Like I said, I had no idea she would ever come here, and I didn’t want to give you false hope…” Naegi looks miserable, his head hung in shame as he avoids looking you in the eye. “She’s not the same Nanami you knew.”
“I know that,” you say, harsher than you’d meant to. “I know that now .”
“I should have told you sooner,” Naegi laments, understanding the accusation hidden in your words. “I should have told all of you sooner. So you’d be prepared.”
“Yeah,” you agree, the forcefulness leaking out of your voice. He should have, but… well…
You understand why he didn’t.
The fatigue that’s been slowly creeping up on you is suddenly overwhelming. Your exhaustion becomes a numbing poison; slowly bleeding through your body. Your emotions… are too far away to feel. There’s no hurt or confusion, no anger or pain for you now...
Just a deep, aching tiredness that sinks its fingers into your soul with an ironclad grip.
Forget about Nanami or whoever she is, all you want is to leave. All you want is for this, whatever ‘this’ is, to be over.
“I wish you had told me before,” you say to him, “But I get why you didn’t. And I’m not angry or upset with you, I just… need to process this.”
Naegi nods. “Of course. Do you need me to get you anything? Or anyone? I’ll help in any way I can.”
“I think I just need a break,” you say, shaking your head. “Thank you, though.”
“Okay, if you’re sure…” Naegi hesitates. You can tell he wants to do more… but is also determined to respect your wishes. “Just let me know if you change your mind… alright?”
“I will. Let you know, I mean. If I do.” You nudge him with your elbow, eyeing the doorway. “...Go ahead. You know they’re waiting for you.”
“Thank you, Hinata,” Naegi says simply, before he leaves the room.
The door clicks behind you.
You’re not really paying attention, but you somehow make it out of the building. Past the flattened patches of dead grass, and the withered trees still clinging to life by the ends of their long, stooping branches. You have every intention of going straight to your room and sleeping for the next thousand years, but in the end you don’t even make it out of the park.
Because he's waiting for you, lounging on a blanket a little ways off of the path; some books piled by his side and one held open in his hand. His eyes never leave the pages in front of him as you grow closer, but he addresses you all the same. As if he’s been waiting for you.
“Hinata-kun,” says Komaeda. “Would you care to join me?”
“Sorry, I’m… not really in the mood.” you mutter, slowing down despite yourself anyway.
“Really? But I haven’t said exactly what it is you’d be joining me in.” He raises an eyebrow in a silent confirmation to a question you hadn’t realized he was asking.
You sigh and come to a stop. “Well then… what is it?”
That’s when his gaze locks onto yours. For a second you’re struck motionless; suspended by enigmatic eyes so reminiscent of storms billowing out above the sea…
“Let’s go on a vacation.”
The sheer absurdity of his request knocks your mind out of its surrounding haze and back to reality. “What?” you say, pushing your fatigue away as you try to comprehend what he’s saying.
“A vacation, Hinata-kun! You know I love cleaning, but everyone needs a break once in a while. I’m sure it’s the same for you, right?”
“Yeah, but I mean–” you snort, unexpectedly finding some humor despite your current mood. “We can’t exactly go anywhere, Komaeda.”
“That’s not true!” he sounds mildly offended, but the amused look on his face tells you otherwise. “There are six entire islands here, you know? I’m sure there are a few places we could use here and there.”
“Use for what ?” you ask.
“For a vacation!” he grins. Apparently that’s all you’re going to get out of him.
“I–” you hesitate, then sigh and shake your head in surrender. “I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’d rather you didn’t disappear on your own again, so… as long as we don’t get into trouble…”
“Of course not, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda chirps, setting his book down before clumsily pulling himself to his feet and joining you on the path. “As long as my bad luck stays away from us, of course.”
“Right,” you say tonelessly, but he’s already walking away. “Hold on– Komaeda, are you really just gonna leave all these books here?”
He freezes, then turns back to you with a slightly guilty look on his face. “Oh… no?”
You roll your eyes and scoop the books under your arm, throwing the blanket in Komaeda’s general direction. “Whatever, I’ll help. Just lead the way, I guess.”
Komaeda manages to catch the blanket, and he beams at you before marching down the path, blanket– and you– in tow.
What have you gotten yourself into now?
Unbeknownst to the duo, a single figure watches their backs shrink into the distance, remaining expressionless long after they’ve long disappeared from view.
“Isn’t this kind of redundant?” you ask as the two of you spread the blanket over the sand. “It’s a private beach on a group of islands that we have all to ourselves. The other beach would be just as private, right?”
“Maybe,” Komaeda allows. “But then again, maybe not. I have run into the others there many times.”
“Mmm.”
“Plus, that’s where Nanami-san’s ship is docked.”
“Yeah– wait, what?” You drop the books you’re carrying.“How did you–?”
“I was supposed to meet Nidai-kun earlier,” Komaeda says, reaching over to scoop a couple of books up off the ground. “He told me about Nanami’s… model.”
“Oh,” you say dumbly.
He doesn’t look at you as he begins setting books down in neat piles on the edges of the blanket. He doesn’t seem troubled, but… have you ever been very good at reading Komaeda?
“Are… you okay?” you ask. His head snaps up so fast, watching it almost gives you whiplash.
“Me?” he asks, a note of bewilderment creeping into his voice and onto his face. “Why do you ask?”
“Uh… well…” you seat yourself on the blanket, clasping your hands tightly. “I just assumed, since you were the reason– err, no, I mean… Since you were the one–”
“Who killed her?” Komaeda finishes for you. You search his face with wide eyes, and you don’t acknowledge it, but… you don’t deny it either.
“Once again, you surprise me,” Komaeda muses, staring across the ocean for a moment. “Hinata-kun, you don’t have to concern yourself with my feelings. Especially since you’re the one everyone’s worried about.”
“Me? But–” you hug your legs to your chest, feeling a bit uncomfortable without knowing why. “Everyone was friends with Nanami, not just me?”
“Of course, and I’m sure this will be… difficult for all of us,” he pauses for a moment. “But the two of you were… close.”
You’re not sure what to say in response to such a statement.
“I, um…” Komaeda takes a deep breath, suddenly sounding a little unsure. “I’m… new at this friend thing, but… I just want you to know that you can talk to me about this, if– if you want. I’m afraid someone like me won’t be of much help, but… a good friend once told me that sometimes, just… listening is enough.”
You’re at a loss for words once again. Komaeda’s offer should irritate you, it should make you feel exhausted or trigger a shutdown– that’s how you usually react in times of stress. It’s how you’ve been reacting to this insane plot twist all day. But instead, it makes your chest ache with pain, and warmth, and want . It’s a small familiarity, a growing possibility… something entirely new gently soothing those old wounds of yours. Saying, I care. I care. I care.
I’m here.
You struggle to control your emotions for a moment, opening and closing your mouth in your attempts to get the words out. Then, finally, you just… decide not to think about it. Decide to talk with him honestly.
“I don’t know how to feel,” you admit, just the tiniest bit freer now that those words are no longer trapped in your chest.
Komaeda just looks at you, waiting for you to continue.
You stare down at your hands. “...I mean, it makes sense that our Nanami was based on a real person, but I never saw it coming. So when I first saw her– the one who isn’t really… for a second, I thought… I thought maybe we’d finally done something right. Like somehow we’d earned this miracle after working so, so hard to undo all the horrible things we inflicted on the world. And then, for that girl– for her to not even recognize me– it felt like a slap to the face.” Your face twists into a scowl. “Worse, even, because she looks exactly like Nanami... but at the same time, she doesn’t. She just seems so defeated . I hated seeing her like that. It made me wonder, would our Nanami have that look on her face if she were here now?”
“Mmm…” he weighs his response carefully. “I think, if I were to guess Nanami-san’s feelings, based on how I remember her… I can’t imagine her being disappointed in you, or any of us. Really, I can’t imagine her expressing anything other than… pride.” he sounds a bit taken aback, as though he’s startled by his own conclusion.
You think that over for a second. “Maybe. That’s not the only thing I’m concerned about, though. This new girl, this… copy… Even though she’s fundamentally different, I don’t know how to see her as anything other than a reminder of the friend I lost. And that’s not her fault, but… I can’t stand to look at her and I can’t stand to think of her in any other way because it makes me feel so guilty. Like I'm betraying my Nanami, our Nanami. After everything she’s done for us. I hate it. I didn’t deserve it, I didn’t deserve her patience or her– her friendship or her forgiveness or her help, I just– I-I didn’t deserve it.” You squeeze your eyes shut, fighting back tears. Silence settled between the two of you as you try to catch your breath.
Komaeda keeps his eyes on you for a moment, then leans over to rummage for lord knows what in one of his piles. He ends up decisively holding a workbook and pencil out to you, an expectant look on his face.
You raise your head and uncomprehendingly stare at him, your breath hitching embarrassingly.
“You know how to solve algebraic equations; don’t you, Hinata-kun?”
“W-What?” once again, the randomness of his question throws you completely.
He takes the opportunity to shove the items into your hands. Sure enough, the book he’s provided is full of algebra, each group of equations varying in difficulty. “Try this first one for me.”
Can he not see that you’re on the verge of an anxiety attack? You shoot him an annoyed look, but he just continues to smile at you expectantly. Alright, fine . If that’s what he wants, you’ll do the stupid puzzle. Who needs air anyways? Fuckin’ not you, apparently!
You look over the first problem and remember you haven’t attempted this stuff in quite a while. What were the damn rules again? …Right, this problem utilizes the Pythagorean theorem . You’re meant to plug the variables into the equation…
The Survivors of the Great Killing Game hold an emergency meeting that afternoon. They gather in a discreet location to call and relay everything that’s happened– as well as everything that could happen, what with this startling new information coming to light– to their two absent members.
There was– unsurprisingly– already a dispute brewing between Asahina and Togami. Asahina, being the only person to have Yukizome as a teacher during her years in school, was insisting she was trustworthy. Togami, being Togami, thought otherwise.
“Should we not return to discussing matters of importance now?” his tinny voice echoes from the laptop placed in the group’s midst.
“I agree… how can we b...be sure she’s telling the truth?”
“Yukizome-sensei would never lie!” Asahina jabs her finger towards the screen. “Not about something this important!”
“Even if we assume she isn’t lying, that doesn’t automatically prove she’s telling the truth,” Kirigiri mused. “She could have been mislead by her superiors, or misinterpreted key components of the information. And those are just a few examples.”
“She said she’d gathered as much proof as she could before leaving for the islands, correct?” Togami interjected. “Just send me what you have. I’ll scrounge through even the shoddiest scraps of paper if that’s what it takes to verify this information. After that, I will let you know for certain just how reputable this ‘Yukizome’ really is.”
Asahina coughs into her hand, disguising a not-so-subtle “ prick. ”
“Until we hear back from Togami-chi, let’s operate as though we totally believe her,” Hagakure says, leaning back in his seat. “No sense in rocking the boat for no reason, right?”
“He knows how to use a word l… a word like ‘operate’ correctly?” Fukawa mutters under her breath. Naegi recognizes his sister’s giggle in the distant background of Fukawa’s call.
“I second that,” Kirigiri says in response to Hagakure, smoothing things over as usual.
“Yeah, if she’s telling the truth, we could use all the prep time we can get.” Asahina bites her lip worriedly, furrowing her brow. “This is some pretty scary stuff.”
“We’ll figure out a way through it,” Naegi says. “We always do.”
At least, he hoped.
You’re penciling in the last few answers when you realize your breathing slowed back to a normal pace a long time ago. So you pause, contemplatively eyeing the boy sitting next to you. “...Did you do that on purpose?”
“Naturally,” he answers. “I’ve learned a trick or two over the years.”
“For my– for anxiety?” you frown. Komaeda’s mental health was none of your business, and although you’d admittedly speculated on the possibilities... anxiety was never really part of the lineup you’d envisioned.
“It should help for a number of things, I suppose,” Komaeda shrugs. “For me, it was a way to redirect my thoughts. A distraction, should I ever need it.”
You’re glad he doesn’t seem to mind that you’ve casually mentioned your anxiety to him. Then again, it wasn’t like it was a secret… and you did faint in front of everyone before Monokuma had even shown up in the simulation. So the most likely scenario is that everyone's known since the beginning. Rest in peace, Hajime Hinata.
Back then, Komaeda had stayed behind with you. Before you so much as knew each other’s names or talents (or lack thereof), he’d been concerned for you. And now... even now, while Komaeda knows you had been a reserve course student, knows that you had been Kamukura, even now that he’s gotten to know you… he’s still concerned for you, still trying to help in his own clumsy way.
Oblivious to your thoughts, Komaeda scoots closer. You go very still as he leans in, holding your breath as he peers over your shoulder. “Hmm… Looks good so far…”
Oh. Oh . He’s checking your work.
You remain frozen despite the realization. It seems your brain is refusing to acknowledge anything besides this, hyperfocused on the sensations that come with Komaeda being this close to you. The steady pressure of his body leaning into your shoulder, the slight tickle of his hair brushing against your skin, the songlike way he hums to himself, right by your ear…
“You’ve got them all right! Good job, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda praises you casually, and you think about how this is a far cry from the Komaeda who appeared to you after visiting the Final Dead Room, the one who immediately looked down on you (...in both senses of the phrase).
In many ways, Komaeda has already changed so much… but some things remain the same as ever. Like that amused expression on his face with the raised eyebrow… the somehow mischievous twinkle he has in his eyes... eyes looking directly into yours.
You realize with a start that you haven’t said anything, and he’s caught you staring, too. “Oh, u-um, sorry, I just… thank you?”
“No problem.” Komaeda chuckles and draws away slightly, leaving you… disappointed?
The thought makes your face burn.
“You can keep that workbook by the way, I have plenty,” he tells you. “If you want more, just let me know. I have a number of options aside from algebra, of course.”
“Of course,” you echo as your embarrassment fades into curiosity. “Is that what you do for fun?”
“Sometimes!” he lies back on his elbows, relaxing into the conversation. “When I was little, after my parents died, I refused to leave the house for a while. And my guardian would just encourage me to study, so I did. At first, I was just doing as I was told, but I later found I liked learning about all sorts of things.”
“Hmm?” you relax too, staring up at the few clouds drifting across the sky as you listen. “What kind of things?”
“Anything I could get my hands on, really!” he laughed. “Languages were my favorites, though. I loved putting together these entirely new ways of speaking piece-by-piece, like a puzzle! It was exciting to me when things finally clicked together, or when I’d discover patterns certain languages shared; stuff like that. Every time I became fluent in a new language, I felt like I was climbing into a whole new world.”
“Wow.” You’ve never really thought of learning another language in such a way; in your own past experiences, you tended to get confused on grammar… no matter how long you’d been studying the language. “...So, how many are you fluent in?”
“Twelve,” he replies, counting on his fingers absentmindedly. “Japanese of course, English, Mandarin, Spanish, Korean, Arabic, French, Hindi, Russian, Vietnamese, German, and Portugese. Thirteen, if you include sign language.”
“Are you serious ?” You give him an incredulous look. “How do you remember all of that?”
“Practice, I suppose?” he tips his head back and joins you in gazing at the clouds. “Of course, sometimes I forget certain words. And phrases.”
You snort. “Meanwhile, I’ve forgotten everything I learned during English classes except for certain words and phrases.”
He perks up. “What do you remember?”
“Uhhh… ‘Where is the bathroom?’”
He starts giggling, and you lightly elbow his side, feigning indignance. “Laugh all you want, but there will come a time when you’ve really gotta go, and you’ll realize you’ve forgotten how to ask where it’s at ‘cause you’ve got thirteen different freaking languages stuffed in your brain. And on that day? You’ll only have me to turn to.”
“Alright, alright,” he laughs. “Anything else?”
“‘Pencil’. And ‘holy cow’.”
“So you’ve got the essentials down, huh?” Komaeda grins at you.
“Yeah. I’m extraordinarily prepared for the scenario where I gotta ask a cow with a pencil where the bathroom is.”
You both start laughing then, and you let your worries fade into the distance.
Right now, you feel like you’re going to be okay. And maybe that’s enough.
“I’m not going to do it today,” Naegi says quietly. He, Kirigiri, Asahina, and Hagakure are on their way back to their respective offices. “He’s been through so much, and after what he’s already had to deal with today– I won’t pile all these things onto him and hope he’ll be okay without bothering to check on how he’s doing. He deserves a break, at least. Some time to recover, even if we can only grant him a few days.”
“That’s fair, Naegi-chi!” Hagakure assures him. “I don’t wanna kick the guy when he’s already down, y’know?”
“Nobody feels that way!” Asahina tsked , flicking Hagakure’s arm. “That’s not what this is about!”
“Exactly,” Kirigiri acknowledges her point. “…However, Makoto… don’t wait too long. This kind of information will do more harm than good the longer it’s withheld from him.”
“Yeah, you’re right…” Naegi manages a feeble smile. “A few days, then, that’s all.”
The door to your cabin closes with a soft click . You stand there for a moment, hand still clasping the doorknob, and sigh deeply into the silence. So much has changed since you last left this room, but for once, ‘change’ doesn’t have you suffocating.
Still, now’s not the time to dwell. You only came to change clothes before dinner, since Komaeda’s blanket hadn’t kept all the sand away. It seems there are a few universal annoyances that can withstand even Komaeda’s luck. Who knew?
Komaeda had waved goodbye to you on the boardwalk just a moment ago; with that familiar, cheery grin stretched ear-to-ear. For the first time in a long while, you feel like you’ve really connected with him. Like you’ve gotten to know him just a little bit better, not as a fellow killing game participant or a former Remnant of Despair, but just as himself . As Komaeda.
You think getting to know him wouldn’t be such a bad use of your time.
No, you wouldn't mind doing that at all.