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What a lovely sight to wake up to.
Eiji’s lazy brown eyes find themselves trailing over the sight before him, gaze laid on those pale hair that looks as soft as it feels, to the slope of his pointy yet boop-able nose, and to those pink lips puffing sighs in his sleep. If only Eiji didn’t doze off that early yesterday, he wouldn’t have woken up this on the crack of dawn. Look, it’s a well-known established fact that he’s an early riser, but not at 3.57 ass a.m. Eiji is not that insane.
It’s rude to stare, Ash would’ve said that if he’s still not in his slumber, and he will say it with a smirk on his face. That stupid smirk Eiji still find it hard not to blush to even after all these years. That idle smirk Ash throws carelessly knowing that it is as easy as that for him to make other people blush.
That pretty, dumb smirk.
And it’s hard for Eiji to not stare, when his eyes aren’t all hazy with sleepiness anymore and he can’t get out of his bed to start his day – thanks to a particular arm still loosely draped over his waist. Also not forgetting the fact that the thing that’s covering most of his view is none other than Ash Lynx himself. What else can he do other than to appreciate this lovely of a sight he’s woken up to?
In this dimly lit of his bedroom, where pastel cerulean pokes through the blinds and washes over his bed and their bodies, Eiji thinks. And he thinks a lot. He thinks about how delightful will it be to tug those strands covering Ash’s cheeks behind his ears, to feel how gentle Ash’s skin and hair are on his fingertips. And what a perfect start of the day if Ash is woken up by it, beams to him and wishes him a good morning with a kiss.
Eiji also thinks. He thinks about how absurd these thoughts are.
Like, come on, do you expect Ash will wake up with a smile on his face if he knows he is woken up anywhere earlier than noon, yet in the verge of dawn? Eiji will get his face smacked with a pillow quicker than he can say ‘ohaiyo’.
And that’s why, Eiji thinks, it is the best for him to retract his finger before it can go further to brush over those strands of spun gold. It would upset Ash if he gets startled awake, so maybe indulging into his desires to touch the dozing man is a bad idea.
It’s a better reason to believe in, rather than admitting that he’s a fucking coward.
How much longer will Ash put up with Eiji and his ‘friendly’ touches before the truth spills? Should he stop acting too comfortable around Ash? But Eiji is bad at being subtle and Ash will notice it right away if he ever tries to put some distance between them, and there’s nothing else Eiji hates the most in this world other than confrontation. Therefore, he can’t act.
Ash doesn’t seem too bothered with this type of affection, and their exchanges of comfort is getting more expressive ever since they got their own apartment. Eiji is always careful with his inclination of physical touches – hip checks, shoulder nudges, cheeks pinches, half hugs, and the list goes on – making sure to keep it as minimal as he could with hope he’s not making Ash uncomfortable. Much to his surprise, Ash initiates half of these interactions himself.
Doesn’t help that it makes it harder for Eiji to mean every of his actions as platonic.
No, he can’t be selfish. Ash is here for comfort, for support, and nothing else. What else can Eiji do if one of the supports needed happens to be in form of sharing a bed and arms around waist?
Ash’s fingers tighten themselves around him when he shifts a little to fix his position, holding onto him like he is a lifeline, just like how Eiji silently offers himself to be one in his stay in Japan. Ash inches closer, their foreheads are hairbreadth away, and Eiji should stop staring for any longer because he can feel himself tearing up.
Ash is right there in front of him, but why does it feel like Eiji is already losing him?
What will happen when the day comes? Will they throw a farewell party the night before Ash’s departure with Ibe as their only guest? And will Ibe look at him with pitiful eyes when Ash is not looking at them? What will happen the second Ash is off of his sight? Will they meet again? Does Ash want them to? Eiji can’t keep up with his own train of thoughts. There are too much questions with so little answers.
Eiji has always been, or at least he likes to think, that his way of thinking has grown mature over the years, and he’s getting better at managing his emotions well. But in the middle of twilight, where hushes of breath are the only music playing in the darkened room, and legs tangling beneath sheets, everyone is prone to vulnerability. Even Eiji himself.
Thus, coaxing a question to pop up in Eiji’s head.
Does Eiji want them to?
Yes, he’d want them to meet again. Fuck that, Eiji wants them never to separate ever. To live just as how they have been for the past a year and a half. With daily morning banters and occasional mumbled chats in shared bed despite each owning their own room. With times where nightmares and cries of help are followed by soft hushes of comfort and whispers of ‘I’m here’s.
In times where vulnerability wins over him, Eiji asks himself what he wants instead, for the first time.
And he wants Ash to stay.
Eiji blinks to clear his view that is starting to get blurry, letting the tears race down off his face quietly. Only when Eiji thought he’s already out of tears, here he is, bawling his eyes out with jaws clenched and lips tightly pressed, forcing himself to keep quiet. He finds himself letting the tears flow freely without bothering to wipe them off. He’s having a moment of weakness, just let him be!
Eiji parts his lips slightly and thanking Gods immediately when no sobs come out without his permission, ignoring his flowing tears as he gazes over those soft features that he will miss. Or he won’t. Because he’ll see this very same face for the next few hours. For the next day. And the next week.
Maybe it is indeed possible to keep seeing this same face for the next, who knows, forever?
And Eiji can make it all possible if only he can just say the word.
Stay.
But nothing comes out of his parted mouth. As usual.
Eiji lets out a sigh, snapping out of whatever moment he just trapped himself into while forcing to dismiss the twinge of disappointment blooming in his heart that he doesn’t know where it came from. This is ridiculous. Maybe Ash lying too close is making him this delirious, and getting out of bed seems like the perfect solution for it. Who cares if it’s ass o’clock in the morning? He needs to find something productive to do instead of wallowing in his own pity.
Peeling himself away from Ash’s embrace is another task, and he just knows he won’t manage to be quiet wiggling himself out of the bed. He could only rely on hope that Ash is having a good, deep sleep that he won’t notice Eiji being noisy.
Which Eiji should have known that it’s a pointless wish because the second he attempts to slowly push Ash’s arm away, the man stubbornly tightens his hold again and this time, pulling Eiji to him impossibly closer. Eiji has to cup his mouth instantly before a gasp, or even a curse, can leave his lips. With his heart beating wildly almost bordering to a heart attack, Eiji wonders if this is how he will meet death. And after a second thought, Eiji thinks that this might actually be the best way to go.
This won’t do, and he has to get out. But when he moves his hand again to make a second attempt of removing Ash’s arm off of him, Eiji can feel the body beside him jostles.
“Eiji?” even with his rough voice, the softness in the way Ash calls out his name is tangible.
“Hm?” Eiji hums quietly as a reply, watching the way Ash’s eyelids crinkles before they’re lifted, revealing a sliver of beautiful green eyes. They’re low-lidded, still clouded with heavy slumber. Eiji is pretty sure he’s still half-asleep.
The man grumbles, brows furrowing slightly and Eiji feels the urge to smooth the lines out, “What time is it?”
“It’s still too early,” Eiji replies, voice not louder than a whisper, “Sleep,”
Eiji takes his cue to try to leave the bed again but to no avail, Ash seems resolved. Even with his state of half asleep, his strength impresses Eiji. Ash is wrong to think that his strength alone can douse Eiji’s determination to get out of this bed. However, Eiji is wrong too to think that Ash is not just as stubborn to find ways to get what he wants.
“Eiji,”
As simple as that – because Eiji is too weak for those velvet voice – every fraction of will power mustered up in him crumbles apart instantly.
“Stay,”
Eiji does it in a heartbeat. Just like how Ash asked him to.
And Eiji thinks again, if asking people to stay, is really that easy.