Work Text:
It starts like this:
Tommy, sitting on the library rug almost halfway under the table because he’s hiding from his homework, scrolls just a bit on instagram, sees a post, and nearly rises so quickly he almost bumps his head. “Tubbo! Tubs!”
Tubbo groans, looking over from math work. “Tommy, what? I’m trying not to fail over here.”
“Dude, you know how Wil took George out last night?”
Tubbo’s nose wrinkles. “How was it?”
“Oh he crashed and burned.” Tommy snorts. “Hard. But that’s not the point- no, George posted on instagram about it. He said that he loved the free meal that came with going out on Valentine’s day.”
And of course, Tubbo is Tommy’s best friend, so he understands where Tommy is going immediately.
“Free food?” Tubbo asks, eyes wide. “Like, a whole free meal?”
“Do you think it’s because of gay rights?” Tommy wonders, looking down at his phone screen. He squints at the comments- everyone is talking about how good George looks, not about the potential money that could be made from this situation. Stupid fucks. “They’re both men, so maybe it’s like a diversity thing?”
Tubbo pushes his binder away and drops down to the floor next to Tommy to also look at the post. “Well, hold on- let’s do some research. Do we know any straight couples?”
Tommy pauses, trying to think. “Uh…Puffy’s with Niki, Sam’s with Ponk, um- jeez, I don’t know. Who is straight?”
“I can’t believe it- we did it. We eradicated all straight people.”
"There has to be someone." He insists.
"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," Tubbo waves him off. "Because look- either way, we'd get the gay rights treatment."
"We?" Tommy asks incredulously. "What do you mean we?"
"Yeah." Tubbo nods like he's already decided. "We. Us. We're going to get free food. We are going to exploit the Valentine's day system."
And of course, what Tubbo says goes, so Tommy nods and agrees.
Tommy is only halfway awake when he hears the front door slam open. All the way downstairs.
Needless to say, he's fully up when his own bedroom door gets the same treatment- but up and prepared are not the same thing at all.
"Tommy!" Tubbo says loudly, stomping in and kicking the clothes on Tommy's floor around and out his way. "Wake the fuck up!"
Tommy groans and turns over, pulling the cover over his head. It doesn't do much because Tubbo gets his hands on Tommy's window blinds and flicks them open, letting all the sun inside. Disgusting.
"Get out of here," Tommy whines. Tubbo ignores him and begins tugging the cover away from Tommy, making Tommy look up at his grinning evil face. "What is wrong with you?"
"I'm so full of love, Tommy." Tubbo says. "I'm a regular old cupid. I've got to share it with everyone."
Tommy lets go of the cover and just flips over, burying his face in the pillow. "Share with someone else." He complains, voice muffled by fabric. "I'm sleeping."
"Come on," Tubbo reaches forward and- oh, there goes Tommy's pillow. Pulled right out from under him. "Come on, come on. It's free stuff day. The free stuff is just waiting for us to go and take it."
Tommy takes a deep breath, then turns his head to look at his friend sideways. Tubbo is still grinning maniacally, bouncing up and down on his toes lightly, and squeezing the pillow to his chest in barely contained excitement. Tommy can't help it- he smiles fondly.
"You scared my family, didn't you?"
Tubbo nods enthusiastically. "Wilbur screamed like a little girl. It was funny.”
Tommy giggles, then sits up. "Good. He deserves to be scared."
"He does," he agrees, "but hurry up. Get dressed. Put on something nice. Ranboo‘s outside waiting- we’re gonna try to get a free breakfast down at the diner."
"How nice? Like a tux? You want me to wear a tux down to Cal's diner?" Tommy teases, stalling, and Tubbo rolls his eyes, not falling for it.
Tommy ends up getting yanked out of bed.
The decorations are probably the worst part.
The diner, which is normally Tommy's favorite place to be, is covered in pink and red and everything is glittery. Tommy wants to throw up looking at it.
"What the fuck," Tommy snips, batting a pink streamer out of his face. "Why are we even outside? This is gross.”
“I think they’re sweet,” Ranboo says, because of course he does. “They’re very pretty.”
“Why are Valentine's Day things always pink and red? Why not green? Green is a great color.”
“Tommy, your favorite color is red.”
“Okay, sure, but red like fire trucks and blood,” Tommy stabs at his heart-shaped pancake with little heart sprinkles. “Not red like streamers and candy hearts. No one does anything but buy shit this holiday."
“Fire trucks and blood are two entierly different shades of red.” Tubbo points out. “And besides, if there was a holiday that was all about love, it only makes sense that it would also be about money. What shows love better than buying things?”
Ranboo squints at him. “You just want me to buy you stuff later.”
“It’s all a part of the plan,” Tubbo grins. “It’s what you do for your loved one, and Ranboo, you love me.”
“No,” Ranboo sniffs. “I love not getting murdered. When I buy you things that you don’t need against my will, my chances of getting killed drastically go down. I have to take what I can get where I can get it.” Then he pauses, and nudges his little strawberries around on his plate in consideration. “Do you guys think you’ll ever fall in love one day?”
“What for?” Tubbo asks immediately. “Like- do I get anything out of it?”
Ranboo sighs. “I should’ve expected that from you. You’re you. What about you, Tommy?”
Tommy pushes his heart-shaped pancake over to Tubbo. Tubbo grins, taking it- the fucking vacuum. He feels vaguely sick all of a sudden. All the pink and red shit is giving him a stomachache. Everything is gross and awful. “Uh, I don't know. Maybe. I don’t know.”
Ranboo, thankfully, doesn't press. He does make Tommy order something else off the menu though- this time with less hearts.
“There has to be some type of law against that,” Tubbo says, glaring across the hallway at Quackity, Sapnap, and Karl, who were somehow three-way kissing by their locker. “There has got to be a rule.”
“There was,” Tommy informs, squinting. How is Karl even doing that with his neck? “It was called homophobia.”
"When is that coming back? Like, who goes that overboard for Valentine's day? Like Valentine's day. Of all the holidays."
Of course, as if on cue, Ranboo walks down the hall, balloons bobbing behind him and chocolate boxes in his arms and bags hanging off his wrists. Tubbo perks up.
"Happy Valentine's day." He says, handing Tubbo a box of chocolates. Then Tommy.
"Oh my gosh Ranboo-" Tubbo exclaims loudly and pointedly in the direction of Karl. Only Karl. "How sweet of you! You’re just the best boyfriend we could ever ask for! Way better than any others!"
Tommy snickers. He laughs even more when Karl glares over and tugs both Quackity and Sapnap away. This morning he gave them both these dreadfully small bears that were holding little flowers, and for some reason, every Valentine's day Tubbo makes it his mission to one-up the man. Just to piss him off, Tubbo always says. It's more fun that way.
When the three of them are gone, Ranboo sighs. "Tommy, please take this from me before I pass out."
"Don't pass out." Tubbo orders as Tommy fumbles with boxes of candy that taste like shit. "If you pass out, then all of our plans for later are canceled."
"Plans for later?" says a voice, coming from around the corner. Niki, wearing a bright pink sweater and holding hands with Puffy. "Ah, so you guys are together again. What a coincidence that you managed to make it work at the same time you did last year."
"The time of the season compelled us," Tommy says swiftly, as Tubbo leans on Ranboo obnoxiously. Ranboo gives a thumbs up. "All the pink floating hearts everywhere. It reminded us what the true meaning of love is."
Puffy, who knows Tommy is full of shit, grins. "That's sweet. They're sweet."
"They’re exploiting the system," Niki points out.
"As if we don't."
She pauses. "Okay, that's true. Valentine's day is a holiday made for straight people, we deserve to take it back for ourselves."
Tubbo starts clapping. Tommy leans over and hands Niki his box of chocolates. "For your bravery," he says solemnly.
She looks at him like he's insane. And then she considers it. In the end, she opens the box.
In class, which is basically useless during this holiday, Tommy sits next to Wilbur.
You'd think he'd get enough of him at home, but sitting beside his brother at school is fun because he can cheat off all his answers and also find things to relentlessly bully him about that Tommy wouldn't notice at home. Like, for example, Wilbur's notebook's margins are all covered in doodles of George.
Embarrassing.
"You do know that those make you look insane, right?" He hisses, eyes flickering down to a little pink bubble letter George, my hero. "Like, you are seriously asking for it."
"I'm seriously asking you to shut up," Wilbur says back. "Why are you even here?"
"I go to this class."
"Okay, why are you making that my problem?"
Tommy rolls his eyes. And then, the door opens up. The teacher, who has just started talking again, stops with a long sigh. "Who will it be this time, guys?"
The four students, all dressed in matching shades of red and white, file in. They are the main reason that class is impossible on his holiday- sing-o-grams being ordered and delivered during class time is going to be the reason that Valentine's day is considered a National holiday just so no one has to come to school to deal with it. Tommy's vaguely curious as to who will get the pleasure of being embarrassed today, when they all stop around his desk, facing him.
Tommy's jaw slackens. Wilbur's eyes widen. The four of them start singing Baby, it's cold outside, for some reason. Of all the romantic songs in the world. Of course.
"Uh," Wilbur leans over, hissing, "who is giving you a sing-o-gram? What the fuck?"
Tommy falters a bit. "Uh." He’s supposed to say his boyfriend Ranboo. That's the joke. That's the bit. That's the whole reason why they're doing it. But for some reason, he can't. He can’t make himself say it. Not to Wilbur, who'd see right through that. "Uh, just- Ranboo. I guess."
Wilbur nods slowly. The verse crawls to an end. Tommy thinks he wants to die a lot and very fast. "Uh-huh. And does he know that you don’t like him like that or…"
Tommy's eyes flicker away from their matching ties to Wilbur's genuinely concerned face. He's pretending not to care, he's being casual, but he's worried. It's nice.
"Do you want me to talk to him for you?" He asks. "Cause I can."
Tommy hides his pleased grin. "Oh no. No. It’s okay. It’s-"- his voice drops into a whisper- "it’s a bit. We’re making Ranboo buy us stuff."
Wilbur's expression clears. He seems settled. "Ah, I see. Smart."
The song winds down completely now and Tommy and Wilbur break into loud applause. The rest of the room does too. The teacher just glares, and he keeps glaring until they file back out the room and shut the door behind them.
"You should tell them." Wilbur says suddenly. It makes Tommy startle. When he looks over at his brother, Wilbur is just staring at the board, not bothered. "It would make you feel better. And they would still love you, you know."
Tommy, even though he won't, says he’ll think about it.
He thinks about it. He decides: no.
For lunch, they sneak off of campus. There are only so many people at school that they can scam into giving them free things, even if they made their fake-relationship plenty well known, so they have to go out into the real world and test it.
They bother Technoblade into taking them to Dunkin Donuts, which is about as real world as you get, and has things cut into hearts and drinks that make Tubbo lose his mind. They end up getting free donuts and half priced sandwiches because all three of them held hands on the way in.
Also, Technoblade, who looked half asleep, gave a tired smile and said, "I'm just here to supervise the lunch date."
Tubbo, of course, declared Techno his favorite of Tommy's brothers. Upon hearing that, Technoblade bought him another coffee.
They’re not the only people in Dunkin either actually, so is Dream, who's at the counter getting a dozen donuts. Tommy watches him order for a while, then, out of his own brotherly duty, decides to speak up.
"George will never love you," he calls out. "No matter how many strawberry sprinkle donuts you buy him."
Dream turns, face red. "Shut the fuck up, Tommy." Tommy's prepared to laugh, but then he adds- "you will never know love!"
And it's not- like, he's just mad, clearly. He doesn't even mean it. It's a little funny, even. But still-
Tommy falters. Techno, sitting at the table, moves like he's going to stand up and knock Dream around a bit, but before he can, Tubbo instinctively chucks his half finished chocolate cream donut at the man’s face.
"Fuck off, you stupid simp!" He yells.
"Begone green man," Ranboo nods sagely, waving a hand.
Dream pays for his dozen donuts with chocolate smeared across his red face and the sight is so funny that it makes Tommy snort . Techno relaxes, then he smiles at Ranboo and Tubbo approvingly, before nudging Tommy's foot comfortingly under the table.
"The season of love," he sums up, taking a sip of his coffee. Tommy's hesitantly inclined to agree.
When school ends for the day, Tubbo drags them both down to the mall. He says it's to see if they can window shop and just look in love enough for people to shower them with gifts, but they both know better. Ranboo brought his wallet- it's really what he deserves for being rich.
"You guys do realize that this part of Valentine's day isn’t free, right?" Ranboo presses. Tubbo grabs his hand and gives him a tug.
"It's free for me!"
Tommy, distantly amused, follows behind them.
Their first stop is a candy store, and Tubbo takes no time at all to piles millions and millions of candy hearts into the basket. He likes to grind them all into dust with a hammer and eat them like Fundip. Tommy always says he should just get some Fundip, but no- Tubbo finds it cathartic to smash the little hearts. Who is Tommy to take that away from him?
Tommy trails behind a little, distracted watching couples buying each other chocolates. There are a lot of them all over the store- holding hands and nuzzling and laughing. Buying each other gifts. Ranboo notices him stalling and frowns, stopping too.
"Tommy?"
Tommy looks over, and Ranboo's gaze flickers between Tommy's face and where Tommy was just looking. Then he reaches over and picks up a package of Mike and Ikes. "You like these, yeah? They're your favorites?"
"Huh?" Tommy blinks. Ranboo rattles the box lightly. "Uh - yeah. Yeah, I like them."
Ranboo drops them into the basket. Then he reaches for some sweet-tarts. "And these? How about these?"
"I mean, yeah. I guess. What are you-"
Ranboo is on a roll now, reaching over and grabbing some skittles- the sour ones. "I think you mentioned liking these once too."
"Ranboo!" Tommy exclaims, smacking his hand before he can drop them into the basket. "What are you doing?"
Ranboo smiles. Tilts his head. "I'm buying my friend some Valentine's day candy because I love him."
He says it like it's simple. Like it's obvious. Then he drops the candy into the basket.
Tommy is frankly stunned.
Tubbo peaks around the corner, looks at them both and then comes out, his arms laden with Kit-kats and Hershey's and gummy worms. "Ranboo, he likes these too- buy these for him."
"Tubbo-" Tommy starts to protest, but Ranboo easily holds out his basket, rolling his eyes.
"For Tommy, fine." He says. Tommy flushes. "Next store we go to, you pick something for yourself, Toms. Anything. I’m getting it for you."
"I thought you said you didn't like spending money," Tommy says slowly.
"I don't." He shrugs. "But when it's for you two then it's not so bad."
At the next store Tommy sees a huge bear plushie holding a heart. When he picks it up, it's almost as big as him. Ranboo looks delighted.
At the register, the clerk has to ask if it’s for a special someone, because no one just minds their business anymore, and Tommy winces, but Ranboo just smiles, and goes, yes, for my best friend.
Tommy can't stop grinning the whole way out of the mall.
Lady and the tramp is the last romantic movie that Tommy has ever watched, so for dinner, they end up sharing a bowl of pasta at an Italian restaurant, because how much more Valentine's day can you get than spaghetti and tomato sauce?
Of course, nevermind the fact that Tommy and Tubbo nearly stab each other trying to get the last meatball, or that Ranboo hogs all the bread in the basket for himself. It's sweet. They're just like the little dogs from the movie or whatever.
When they're done, Ranboo offers to pay, but Tubbo, surprisingly, picks up the tab.
"For you, Ranboo," he says, tucking a twenty in with the check.
Ranboo stares at him. "I really don’t know why you’re saying that like it’s a huge feat. It was a half-off bowl of noodles." He raises an eyebrow. "I spent nearly three hundreds dollars today-"
Tubbo rolls his eyes. "You are so ungrateful. You are so ungrateful."
"No. No, you know what? I'm not ungrateful. I'm not. I just want to be treated nicely every once in a while but you are a greedy little money hog who doesn't care at all! You only love me for my money and today proves it."
Tommy sneaks the meatball. Tubbo throws his napkin down and storms out. Ranboo follows. Tommy waits to put the tip down, grinning sheepishly at the waitress when she comes over.
"Rough day?" She asks, looking at the swinging front door.
"No, actually." He says. He pauses to think about it. He finds that he's being honest. "It was the best day. Have a happy Valentine's."
When he gets outside, Tubbo and Ranboo are standing by Tubbo's beat up car, leaning on it, talking quietly. When Tommy walks up, they smile at him.
"Good break-up guys, real convincing." He says. "You really had me going."
"You're just happy you got the meatball." Tubbo teases. "I was too busy yelling about paying for noodles to win that fight."
"It was a good meatball."
"It was a good day," Ranboo insists softly. "Valentine's day- second only to Christmas."
Tubbo's nose wrinkles. "Okay, you're out of your mind. Halloween exists and you're fucking stupid- get in the car before I decide to leave you here and we break up for real."
Ranboo hurries into the car. Tommy snorts again, then hops in the back.
He thinks about it again. He thinks- maybe.
You should tell them, Wilbur said.
Well, it would make Tommy's life a lot easier. He spends all of his time with Ranboo and Tubbo. He wants to spend much more of it with them too- way, way into the future. College and next-door neghbours and all that stupid adult shit. Not telling them is hard. Having them not know is hard. He's trying to live a life that isn't his, he doesn't want to accidentally start planning one that he won't want.
They're in Tommy's room, having piled all his blankets on the floor and put the worst rom-com ever on the television to make fun of it. Tubbo is eating popcorn mixed with kitkats because he's insane, and Ranboo is curled up against Tommy's giant teddy bear, his eyes half-lidded, tired from the day. It would be so easy to just- say it. It really would.
"Oh my god, is he gonna quit his job for her?" Tubbo asks. "This is insane. Do real people actually quit their jobs for love?"
Ranboo stirs. "Mm, not like this. For marriage, maybe."
"Real people need to be abolished," Tubbo declares, throwing another handful of popcorn into his mouth.
"You can't just abolish people, Tubbo." Ranboo sighs. "That's murder."
"I'm not seeing the problem here."
"Tommy, please remind Tubbo that murder is one of the not okay things to do."
Suddenly, Ranboo is looking at him and Tubbo is looking at him and he's looking at them both, and then his mouth is opening. "I'm aromantic."
Ranboo blinks. Tubbo's brows furrow. Tommy sucks in a breath, wishing he could swallow the words back up. He's ruined the day- he's ruined Valentine's day. He's ruined his two greatest friendships in one go when they were so happy and content and cool.
"Okay," Tubbo says slowly. "I still love you. You didn't answer the question though- is murder like, morally right?"
I still love you.
"Yeah. This doesn't change anything Tommy, just because you're aromantic doesn't mean you can kill people." Ranboo informs. "And neither can Tubbo."
This doesn't change anything.
"I feel like I should get a pass," Tubbo continues, waving his hand. "I mean, I would use it so wisely. I would be so great at murder, you wouldn't even know it."
"Morally though." Ranboo stresses. "Morally you would be bad."
"Morals are like, dumb."
"They are," Tommy says tentatively. "They are dumb."
Tubbo beams. "See? Tommy believes in my right to kill."
"That's not- okay, well Tommy isn't God."
"God has nothing to do with this," Tubbo's nose wrinkles. "Since when did God ever have anything to do with morals?"
Ranboo looks at him. "You know what, I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that."
Tommy has to laugh at that- loudly. He's relieved and happy and they both can probably sense it, because Ranboo slides his hand under Tommy's and Tubbo kicks at his shin lightly. They love him, nothing changes. He's aromantic and it's Valentine's day and it's been the best one that he's had in years.
When he's done laughing, there are tears in his eyes. "Thanks guys," he sniffles, rubbing his face with the hand not holding Ranboo's. "You guys are- fuck, you're amazing."
Ranboo squeezes Tommy's hand. Tubbo tilts over to lean on Tommy's side.
"Whatever," he says. "Would you quit your job for us is the real question."
"Yes," Tommy answers easily. "People quit their jobs for love? Then yes I would."
Tubbo, not expecting that, turns red. He frantically shoves candy at Tommy. "Eat this and shut up, I'm- you suck. Ranboo, don't cry, that will offend me. I'm putting the next movie on. No one speak."
Ranboo fans his wet eyes. "I'm not crying, I'm not, I'm okay. I love you guys. Okay, wait- sorry, nope, I'm crying-"
"Stop talking! Stop now! Cry quieter!"
Tommy bites down a grin, and settles back. Maybe, he thinks, a Valentine's Day spent with his friends could be a day that he looks forward to every year.