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Sleep was hard for Espresso. He was a non-sleeper, a constant worker. If he wasn’t working, he’d be stressing over… Not working? He himself isn’t sure.
So when Madeleine moved in, it was hard to get used to being forcefully dragged into bed every night. He wasn’t comfortable with being cuddled until he’d eventually fall asleep from exhaustion (of course, Madeleine, the gentleman he is, always made sure Espresso was as comfortable as he could possibly be without a chance of leaving), but with time, he got more used to it. He got more comfortable.
And when he got more used to it all, cuddling Madeleine suddenly became a comfort. He went to bed when he was asked to and he started taking more breaks. Was it Madeleine’s charm? He learned to make Espresso-based Vanilla Frappé’s for him, he learned to brush his silky hair and make braids, he learned to kiss gently and with passion.
But he wouldn’t say Madeleine taught him all these things, more of he motivated him to do so.
Madeleine also changed. He isn’t as loud around Espresso as he used to be and tries to not be so nosey anymore. He couldn’t and by now probably never can learn to knock when coming in, but Espresso learned to deal with it.
A relationship teaches you one too many things. Not always good ones.
Espresso learned how to get out of Madeleine’s cuddles before he’d wake up to make him breakfast, now he uses it to get out when he can’t sleep and feels like he should be working. He hates the sigh of his lover sleeping soundly with the impression that he is still holding Espresso. He hates how his mind is getting back into the forever-working mindset.
Madeleine learned to wake up when his arms felt empty for a little too long and check if his lover is sound asleep and just turned away or if the other side of the bed is empty and cold. Lately, many nights, he’d awoke to place a hand on an empty place beside him and shed a few tears for his lover.
Many times he awoke to Espresso talking or freshly leaving. Placing kisses in his knuckles, cheeks, nose or forehead, rarely lips, like he was afraid of waking Madeleine up. But he was scared of that.
Madeleine thought of why? Why does Espresso not shake him awake to tell him his worries like he did many times before? Now he listens as he makes himself another Espresso or a Black Coffee (very rarely a Frappé) at 2AMs and shuts his office room door gently.
Today, when Madeleine came to Espresso and asked him to go to sleep, Espresso hesitated. In such a long time and after so long of hiding it, he hesitated. He slipped up.
When Espresso finally stood up to go with Madeleine, his glasses were a little too crooked. The bags under his eyes were a little too dark and his hair was a little too of a mess. Though details, Madeleine notices them all. He’s worries- Details others would so easily dismiss are a sign of Espresso getting worse. But if he asks now, Espresso might shut down and run away- He doesn’t want that for Espresso.
He takes Espresso’s glasses and puts them on his- This time, his own, night stand, and though Espresso surprised and taken aback, he doesn’t complain because he can always get them later.
,,I think I might just stay like this for tonight…” Espresso yawns. He really is tired, but he can’t find the will to sleep, no matter the comfort or the warmness. Why can’t he, is he cursed?
Madeleine, who was already dressed for bed- If that’s what we call a simple white shirt and black underwear -was not pleased with Espressos’ idea.
,,No way you’re staying like this, love. In a button up? It might be uncomfortable! Change into something- Here, do you want my shirt?” Madeleine offered, already ready to take his own shirt off.
,,Mad!” Espresso yelled out with a flushed face. Though it did sound comforting and warm, it was new. Espresso wasn’t one for new things.
Madeleine smiled innocently. Espresso looked at his smile, such innocence but Espresso knew what Madeleine was doing.
,,No, I’ll just leave it open, like th- wUAH-” Madeleine leaped towards Espresso and with a little fight got the button up off of him and put it aside. Espresso stood there, trying to cover his chest with his hands. Madeleine laughs while coming back over to him, pulling his hands away.
,,I already told you many times that you are beautiful, love. No need to be ashamed in front of me.” he kissed Espresso’s neck before turning the light off and pulling Espresso lovingly and gently towards the bed in what little moonlight somehow got into the room.
They both laid down, both immediately going in to get cuddles up- Espressos’ head was against Madeleine’s chest while Madeleine played with Espressos’ hair, the other stroking his back gently. Espresso, on the other hand, twirled a small strand of hair between his two fingers.
It was this moment Madeleine would start dozing off. Today, he wasn’t going to let himself let Espresso leave just like that. But after Espressos’ twirling stopped, he so naively thought that maybe, just maybe, the Divine listened and lets him sleep for tonight.
And so the heavy feeling of tiredness settles in and Madeleine let’s his hand (that was stroking Espressos’ back) slow down until it’s stopped, dozing off. And maybe tonight he won’t wake up to an escaping Espresso.
Madeleine woke up and knew what it was about. He felt Espresso trying to wiggle himself out and the way Madeleine's hand twitched made Espresso freeze. That wasn’t Madeleine's intention, but now that that has happened, he can “play” fully into it.
The hand under Espressos head curled up a little, fingers running through some hair strands and with his hand on Espressos back he moved him a little closer with a little force.
Espresso's breath quickened, his heart beating faster with both his hands on Madeleine's chest, trying to not rest his head again.
Madeleine made sure their legs were intertwined well so that if Espresso tried to move them, he’d notice or wake up if he were to fall asleep again.
Espresso whimpered, clearly defeated and Madeleine smiled lightly when he felt Espresso's body go from frozen and stiff to more relaxed but still distant.
He half-opened his eyes to look at Espresso, who was conveniently looking back at him. His breath hitched and eyes drifted away, hands trembling a little. Madeleine sighed and brought Espresso's head closer to his chest, his own heart beating faster than normally.
,,…Did you know?” Espresso asked and Madeleine nodded gently, running his fingers through Espresso's hair gently, patting him. He knows Espresso could shut down anytime as well now, but he hopes and prays he won’t.
,,I have for a while now, love…” his voice was his “morning” voice, Espresso’s wasn’t as nearly as it always gets in the morning. Which only means he’s been awake for some time already, thinking about how to escape this situation he gets himself in nightly.
,,And you hadn’t said anything..?” Espresso pulled his head back again and looked back Madeleine in the eyes. Madeleine knows Espresso despises eye contact normally and even more so when it comes to serious conversations leaked these, so he feels honored. He’s such a lovestruck fool.
,,I was scared you’d shut down and run away… And I didn’t know how to bring it up and when, either… I just happened to be awake.” Madeleine. Rings him back closer again, snuggling into Espresso's hair, not stopping running his fingers through his hair and starting to rub his back gently as well. Espresso let out a noise which neither knew what means- Happiness? Overwhelming fear? Sadness?
,,Why haven’t you told me? Or shook me awake? You’ve done it many times in the past, why not now?” Madeleine now knew that Espresso was sniffling. He may not sound tired, but he is truly exhausted and, as in Espresso’s nature, more emotional.
,,Didn’t want to bother, probably? Not sure myself, Mad.” he says, allowing himself to snuggle in. Madeleine smiled and pressed some kisses into Espresso's hair. Espresso whimpered lightly at that.
,,It’s okay, love. I’m here, you can tell me whenever you’re ready… Even if I already know a lot of things…” Madeleine admitted and Espresso stayed silent. Of course, how could’ve he (Espresso) been so naive to think Madeleine wouldn’t caught on sooner or later?
,,Do you remember how… When we weren’t together, from the time before, how I had the thing where if I were to rest I’d feel useless for wasting precious time that could’ve been spent working?” Espresso started, hoping he wouldn't have to finish saying it himself.
,,Is that coming back?“ Madeleine asked. Espresso sniffled. He was so emotionally vulnerable he was sure to break down.
Madeleine sighed, letting go of rubbing Espressos back and pulling the hand towards Espresso’s chin, cupping it gently and making him look up to him. Espresso wanted to look away, embarrassed and with a hint of tears in his eyes, but Madeleine didn’t let him and fixated his eyes on his lips.
In what little moonlight got in the room, Espresso noticed and nodded, and started learning forward. Madeleine saw how Espresso closed his eyes, scared and a little unsure, but if he got a nod of confirmation, he also leaned closer and closed the gap between their lips.
Such a soft kiss it was, Espresso melted and his hands, after way too long, relaxed on Madeleine’s chest. No force, no tongue involved. Just a sweet, vanilla coffee kiss. So gentle like Espresso was about to break, Madeleine made sure Sapresso knew how Madeleine cared.
They pulled away for a moment, stopping for a little breather, panting lightly. Both of them had their lips parted and then they leaned back in for a deeper kiss. Yet, still so gentle and so loving.
That continued for a longer while, both enjoying the taste their lips made together, the soft feeling of their lips on other’s, tangling hands in the other's hair, Espresso pressed on Madeleine from a while before. They were both in heaven.
,,Are you feeling better?” in the meantime, no words were shared, no feelings explained by words. Only feelings driven from the kissing.
Espresso nodded, yawning in the process. Madeleine understood. He pulled him comfortably close and started running his fingers through his hair and Espresso played with his (Madeleine’s). No words were shared after that, they laid comfortably, cuddling.
Espresso finally slept that night. After so long, he woke up warm with his lover sound asleep next to him in the afternoon hours. For the first time in a while, he didn’t mind.