Chapter Text
Buck feels like death, but the fire spreading across his lower abdomen and the vomit burning at the back of his throat remind him that he's not. He takes a seat in front of the monitor, ignoring the silence and the swarm of confusing thoughts that have split his brain in two.
The camera's light turns on.
The room is cool, yet he is sweating and feels sticky, and his hands, which are coated in dried blood, would not stop shaking. He may or may not be in shock, but he knows. That is why he pulls the space blanket tighter around his bare shoulders. Buck doesn't know where to look, the monitors are blinking at him, the hum of the equipment is a continual annoyance, and he is fully aware of his own breathing.
Buck holds his head up, prepares himself, and addresses the camera.
“Eighteen days into the best six months in my life, and its turned into a fucking nightmare. I'm not sure who will get to see this, but as you can see, I did not die on Sol eighteen. Many will think I did. Maybe there will be a day of national mourning for me, and my Wikipedia page will say, ‘Evan Buckley is the only human being to have died on Mars’ and they’d be right, because I will die here.”
He leans back in the chair, attempts to straighten up, and then freezes, a pain creeping across his face. Buck's body hurts, his lower abdomen cramps sharply, and his carelessly placed staples might pop out with one misstep. His back hurts, the large bandage around his middle itches, and he can't seem to form his next thought. He wants to lay down somewhere flat. But what’s important now is getting some sort of word out, anything at all, to let people know he’s here.
“Ares 3 was my mission, well not mine exactly. Actually, I'm the crew's lowest ranking member, I'd only be in charge if I was the only one left.” He lets out a sort of somewhere gasp and laugh. It does not sit well with his injuries, but a small smile remains on Buck's lips, "So what do you know? I'm in charge."
There's a long pause before Buck finds himself speaking again, and he can't really recognize himself this time. “In case my family sees this. I'm hoping you made it back to earth safely. This wasn't your fault. You did what needed to be done. I don't blame you, and I'm glad you made it.”
*.
Acidalia Planitia, Mars. [Ares III Hab site]
Sol 18.
“In grid section thirteen twenty-two, the particles appear predominantly coarse, but as we move to twenty-three, the particles are much finer, and should be ideal for chem analysis.” Buck’s in the middle of an EVA experiment, chipping away sections of rock as he records his observations on his armband.
There's a crackle over the radio, “Did y’all hear that?” Eddie pipes in, inspecting the MAV feet way. “Buck just discovered dirt!”
Buck kicks up a cloud of dirt in Eddie's direction, and he gives him a half-shrug in return.
“What’s your job today, Diaz? Confirming the MAV is still upright? Let me help.” Buck says, falsely observing the ship, his hand coming up to his helmet as if shielding his eyes and looking. “It is.”
Buck honestly doesn’t know why they shipped Eddie up into space with them just so he could tap into a tablet all day and look pinched. He has been wandering in circles beneath the ship, swiping and tapping at the tablet that is attached to his hand, all while wearing a little tool belt around his hip.
“Visual inspection of equipment is imperative to mission success.” Eddie quips, sounding as if he’s reading it off a pamphlet. He looks up at the MAV for a moment, then speaks thoughtfully into his arm band, “The MAV is still upright.”
Buck finds it funny, yet decides to not give Eddie the satisfaction so he muffles his laugh into a scoff of some sort. There's another crackle and Buck sets his pick down to clear his gloves, claps away the dust that has formed.
“Buckley, you keep leaving your channel open.” Commander Nash cuts in. Buck looks over, Bobby’s a little farther off in the distance and he has both hands on his hips standing behind Ravi who’s kneeled, busy doing a drill experiment. Bobby’s rocking a total dad pose. “Which leads to Diaz responding, which leads to us listening, which leads to me being annoyed.”
With a laugh, Buck looks back in the direction of the MAV and sees Eddie climbing the ladder to go inside. Buck finds himself frowning.
“Diaz, Commander Nash would like for you to shut your smart mouth.” Buck says instead of ingesting his commander's words. He’s been playing with dirt for hours, he deserves a little break.
Bobby huffs, his shoulders rise and fall, and his hands drop to his sides. He knows Bobby would be pinching the bridge of his nose through his helmet right now if he could. Another crackle makes him wonder if he really should be considering closing his channel.
"Speaking for the world's smart people..." Chimney joins in with a sigh and pauses. “We would prefer you use a different adjective to describe Diaz’s mouth.” Chim is inside the MAV, at his computer, in an air conditioned space… that bastard.
“Have we tried dumb?”
“Why are you trying to insult me?” Eddie asks bewildered.
"You'll call me Dr. Han." In a way that makes Buck wish he was also inside the ship, Chimney says proudly while playing along. A loud thunk can be heard in the background, which is followed by a quiet hiss coming from Chimney. Buck could only guess what it was.
“Doctor Han, my ass.”
“I’ve got a PHD imb-,”
Hen’s voice finally joins in to cut off Chimney’s rebuttal. “We’ve all got PHDs smart ass. Happy to turn their radios off from here, Commander.”
“You don’t have the authority to do that!” Chimney expresses quickly.
“I’ll find a way.”
Then… their radios go silent.
Buck raises his arms in the air to express his displeasure with Bobby, who only responds by pointing to the ground near Buck. A clear tell to get back to work.
*.
[E. BUCKLEY] Written Log Entry. (2)
Sol 18.
I'm trying to save whoever ends up finding this the hassle of putting the pieces together based on assumptions. There's probably a killer documentary being made about me at this moment. So, this is my report of what happened as I am of sane mind and semi-body.
Apart from me, everyone made it. I got stranded.
I vaguely remember suddenly having the wind knocked out of me and my ears popping painfully as the pressure of my suit escaped. The last thing I remember was seeing Chim Han reaching out toward me. Hours later, I woke up. The storm had passed, and I was lying face down in the sand, almost completely buried. I'm surprised I'm not dead. I had gotten impaled. An antenna had enough force to slice through the suit and my side, but then it got stopped by my pelvis. I'd been thrown backwards towards a steep hill. Landed face down, forcing the antenna to an extremely oblique angle, putting a lot of pressure on the suit's hole.
I’ll be okay for now. I took a quick shot of local anesthetic, irrigated the wound, and put in 9 stitches. I tried to staple it closed, but I almost passed out removing those. I'll be on antibiotics for a couple of weeks, but otherwise I'll be fine.
I knew it was hopeless, but I tried firing up the communication array. No signal since the primary satellite dish had broken off, speared me, and took the reception antennae with it. The Hab had secondary and tertiary communication systems, but they were both just for talking to the MAV, which is also able to talk to Hermes. Thing is, that only works if the MAV is still around.
I have no way to talk to Hermes.
In an abort, Hermes would leave orbit within 24 hours. The orbital dynamics made the trip safer and shorter the earlier you left, so why wait for no reason just to make the trip take longer? I noticed the antenna had plowed through my bio-monitor computer. When on an EVA, all the crew’s suits are networked so we can see each other's health status. The rest of the crew would have seen the pressure in my suit drop to nearly 0, then my bio-signs going flat. Add to that I was sent tumbling down a hill with a spear through me in the middle of a zero visibility dust storm...They thought I was dead. How could they not?
Leaving my body behind reduced weight for the MAV on the trip back. That meant more disposable fuel and a larger margin of error for the return thrust. No point in giving that up for sentimentality. You can quote me on that.
I have no way to communicate with Hermes or Earth. Everyone thinks I’m dead. I’m in a Hab designed to last 31 days. If the Oxygenator breaks down, I’ll suffocate. If the Water Reclaimer breaks down, I’ll die of thirst. If the Hab breaches, I’ll explode. If none of those things happen, I’ll eventually run out of food and starve to death.
So yeah.
I’m
*.
Acidalia Planitia, Mars.
Sol 18.
“Visibility is almost zero. If you get lost, home in on Diaz’s telemetry. The wind’s gonna be nastier away from the Hab, so be ready.” As he leads the rest of the crew, Commander Nash announces. Like a captain getting them ready for war.
The Hab had produced a worrying noise as the strong winds battered the structure, making it creak and whistle and all around unsettling him.
As they exit the airlock, the high winds slam into them. The crew struggles to stay upright as they fight their way through the punishing storm. They're meeting Eddie and Ravi, who had been at the MAV for over an hour now preparing for launch. The greenlight had been given to them just moments ago.
Sand continues to slam into them as they take step after agonizing step towards the MAV. He pushes to keep up with Chim as he’s at the tail end. Bucks already hesitant in his steps, he really doesn’t want to go, so he shares the thought he’s been forming since Bobby declared they’d be following NASA’s orders.
“Hey! Maybe we could fortify the MAV. Reduce the likelihood of it tipping.” Buck spoke up, they’d listen to him.
“How? We each hold it down manually by one leg?” Chim teases, and Buck smiles to himself hearing the grin on Chim’s face. He laughs at his own joke.
“How Buck?” Bobby asks seriously.
“We could use the solar farm's cables as guidelines.” Buck comes to a halt to catch his breath. Starts moving forward again, attempting to catch up to Chimney on his right. “The rovers could be used as anchors, but the trick would be to avoid the-,”
One second he’s there… and then he’s gone.
“Buck!” Chim’s yell rings through, no longer laughing.
Their voices start to overlap.
“What happened?”
“Something hit him!”
"Buckley, report.”
Chim struggles to shift his gaze away from where he last saw Buck. He's gone numb.
"Buckley, report!" Bobby yells again. Everyone tries to ignore his desperate tone of voice.
If Buck's speech being cut off by shouting and a pained grunt wasn't enough to make Eddie nervous, Bobby's tone causes Eddie to unbuckle his straps. But he must remain on the MAV, so he waits for someone else to speak. He looks over to Ravi, who shares his concern.
"Is there something wrong with Buck?" Eddie's hands begin to shake as he asks.
Hen informs Eddie quietly, "He's offline."
"I can't find his telemetry." Chim's broken voice constrains Eddie for the first time.
Something’s gone wrong. Something’s gone terribly wrong.
“Let go, we need to find him!" Chim lets out a loud shout.
Eddie's eyes are filled with tears, and he closes them tightly as fear grips him.
"Han, where did you last see him?"
"He was right next to me, we have to—"
"Chim!" Hen shouts firmly.
Bobby's voice shakes along with hers as he continues to speak, "I need you to answer me. When was the last time you saw him?"
Eddie's body shudders as he waits.
“He was to my right and then he was just gone. Something came from the wind, It—I think it hit him. He flew off due west.”
As she speaks, Hen's voice cracks once more. “Commander. His decompression alarm went off before we lost telemetry."
"How long can you survive after decompression?" Bobby asks quietly. Eddie knows they're expecting a response from Hen because she's the doctor, but they're not getting one.
Ravi is shaken but stoic, responding, "Less than a minute."
There’s a pause between them all.
"All right. Wilson, hurry to the MAV and prepare for launch. Bring Han with you, small steps westward. We can't risk tripping over him.”
Hen tightens her grip on Chim as they move slowly and forward. Eddie is afraid to ask more questions… he has a job to do. No distractions.
"Commander, we're tilted seven degrees." Ravi enters the fray.
“Copy.”
“Message from Houston. Mission’s officially closed, we’re taking off. The Hab won’t survive the storm. We need to get in the air.” Eddie says, reading over his monitor.
Bobby's voice shakes again when he repeats, “Copy that.”
Eddie’s arm computer beeps. His heart drops into his stomach. “Bobby-, Commander,” He hates how his voice breaks. “It’s a– Bucks’ bio-monitor.”
“I got it,” Hen confirms. “I have the unprocessed packet. BP, zero. PR, zero. 36.2 TP.” Hen’s hold on Chim's shoulders prevents him from collapsing to his knees. Chim can't tell if he's screaming or not. He continues to call out for Buck through their conversation. Hen’s voice is trembling as she continues, "Blood pressure, zero. Pulse... pulse rate, zero. The temperature is normal.”
“Temperature normal?” Nash repeats.
Eddie can hear the hope in Bobby’s voice. He squeezes his eyes shut, hoping he isn't crying, but he can feel his face getting hot.
“Commander, the tilt is set to ten degrees.” Ravi states.
When Bobby swallows heavily, everyone hears it over the comm. “Copy. Are you all set to Launch?”
Eddie is aware that his voice sounds strangled and pinched, but he swallows his concern. “At any time.”
Bobby pauses for a moment. "If it tips, can you still launch before it's completely fallen over?" His voice becomes much stronger.
“What?” Ravi asks, shocked. The sentiment is echoed by both Eddie and Hen.
“No!” Chims voice cracks knowingly.
“Yes, Commander, I believe I could take manual control.” Eddie replies after receiving a hesitant nod from Ravi to his right. It’s possible.
“You believe you could, or you can, Diaz? I need definite answers.” Nash repeats. Eddie knows he can say no, and Bobby will then go down the chain of command. They won’t budge without Buck.
“I can, sir.”
“Copy that. I'm going to have to keep looking. Diaz, if you start tipping... launch.”
“I won't leave you behind, Commander,” Eddie says emphatically.
“I just ordered you to. Wilson, Han get moving.” Bobby says. “I’m searching a little more. Ed- Diaz, if you start to tip, launch.”
Eddie finds it difficult to swallow; he wants to get out and help look for Buck, but he has a role to play, and if anything were to happen to Bobby. Eddie was to take command of the Hermes Crew for the duration of the mission. He doesn’t want it to get to that.
“You really think I’m leaving you behind?”
“It’s an order, Eddie. Hen, Chim, get on the ship.” Bobby says sternly then seems hesitant, “Go.”
Hen stumbling, entering the airlock, Chim held up by an arm around his torso. Chim is in full-fledged panic mode. His face flushed and hands trembling. She finally helps Chimney into his seat, and fastens his seatbelt. Ravi feels the cascade of his own tears as he looks over at her tear-streaked face. Hopeless, Hen reads clearly.
“Han, would the rover IR camera help?”
Chimney shakes his head in his seat, attempting to calm his breathing, and Ravi responds instead. “It's a negative. IR cannot penetrate sand as well as visible light.”
“What’s he thinking? He's a geologist. He knows IR can’t get through a sandstorm.” Hen says to Eddie away from the radio. Hen can see the tear tracks and tears accumulating at the tip of his chin.
Eddie's gaze is fixed on the monitor, it’s the only way to keep his head on his shoulders.
Ravi clears his throat and then warns into the monitor, "Commander. We're 11.6 degrees slanted. We'll be tipping with just one good gust."
"How about proximity radar? Would it be able to detect Buck’s suit?"
"No. It's designed to see Hermes in orbit rather than the metal in a single suit."
“Copy. Give it a try.”
Hen settles into her acceleration couch after settling Chim into his. He's not responding, and she can tell he's in shock. “I know you don't want to hear this, Commander, but Buck... Buckley is dead.”
“Copy.” Bobby says after a beat, he sounds hollow. “Panikkar, try the radar.”
"Roger."
While they wait for the radar, Eddie glares at Hen.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He snaps.
“My friend just died. I don’t want my Commander to die either.”
In the background, Chim is frantically dragging his hands across his suit, desperately trying to get air into his lungs.
“Your friend?” Diaz parrots back, sounding angry and alarmed by her comment.
“Negative contact on proximity radar.” Ravi responds ignoring the explosive tension in the cabin.
“Nothing?”
“It can barely see the Hab. There’s not enough met-,” His words get cut off by a screech, the MAV jolts and begins to tip. “Strap in! We’re tipping!” Ravi shouts.
“13 degrees, We’re past balance. We’ll never rock back.” Ravi calls over to Eddie.
“Let it tip. We can’t leave him.” Hen says, with no authority.
“We'll never be able to fix it if it tips,” Eddie says, shaking his head before the thought of acceptance sinks in. “I only have one trick left, and then I'll be following orders.” Eddie fires a burn from the nose cone array. The thrusters work against the spacecraft's gradual tilt.
“You are firing the OMS?” Ravi asks for clarification, of course he is.
“C’mon... c’mon...” Eddie chants to himself.
“12.9 degrees...” Ravi calls out.
“Commander. You need to get back to the ship. Now.” Hen commands into the radio.
“Please. Get to the ship, Sir.” Eddie says shakily.
Buck’s gone.
Bobby stares out at the darkness all around him as Diaz fights the controls. “Copy. On my way.”
“11.6... 11.5...” Ravi calls out the numbers going steady.
“Holding at 11.5...” Eddie calls out. Nash slams the airlock door shut below. He rips his suit and makes his way to the flight deck. He says nothing as he secures himself into his couch. Nobody speaks for a brief moment. Then it appears in Chim's eyes that Bobby has returned to the ship, that they are preparing for launch, and that he is strapped into his seat.
"No... No, No! " Chim's trembling hands can't get him to undo his straps, and Hen is calling his attention from across the empty seat.
Ravi can't look at Chim to his right, his cries are agonizing.
“S-Still at pilot release. Ready for launch.” As Chim continues to scream, Eddie speaks up, pushes his way through.
"Please, don't! No! ” Chim kicks his legs, attempting to yank at his straps.
Bobby closes his eyes and nods.
“Wait! ” Chim screams.
Eddie's hands begin to shake. “I’m sorry, Commander I’m going to need to verbally-,” He has to keep it together.
“Launch.”
Diaz activates the sequence blindly. The pyros ignite, the main engines fire, and the ship fills with yells and sobs as the MAV thrusts upward.
*.
Two hours later, Evan Buckley wakes up alone on the red planet.