Chapter Text
The numbness always clung to him, engraved into his nerves and swirling in his blood stream. If he remained motionless too long, it seeped into his bones and his body ached with every little movement to the point he stopped. If the period of immobility stretched too long, jumpstarting a new motion was a daunting task, near impossible. So, he kept moving, enough to keep the numbness as an afterthought and easily ignored. Maybe accepted was more accurate than ignored, like a person accepts their hair color. They could dye it, but no matter how well they change or try to hide it, it’s still growing in black. Shinsou could throw himself into his underground work and genuinely feel pride in himself for excelling, and happiness from watching people find themselves in improved situations. He could periodically spend time with friends and family between missions, enjoy their company while stopping them from worrying about him. In the end, he’s still partly numb despite the ability to experience a range of other emotions.
Focusing on a mission, staying alert and weaving threads of a plan together over weeks of time to ensure the heroes succeeded consumed him enough he almost couldn’t feel any of the numbness. It was the gaps between jobs, the required down time to shake off his fake persona from the last job and find himself again, that had the most risk. Balancing his personal time and finding things to keep moving so the numbness didn’t bite at his heels could be exhausting. He went to the gym often and hung out with Kaminari and Sero. Never all of them, adding Ashido and Kirishima to mix would make him wish for death. He couldn’t handle all those extroverted personalities in one room. At least if Bakugou were to show up, watching Kami piss him off for fun made Shinsou laugh and break through that shell of anxiety.
Today was the third day after a completed mission. This was a special break; it was the two month “vacation” before he either renewed or let his contract with the agency end. Most agencies had five-year contracts, but given the type of mentally taxing underground work at his agency, it used one-to-three-year contracts. His first one lasted a year and the next two contracts lasted two years each. If Shinsou chose to renew, this one would be a three year. He'd renew, without the job he’d definitely crash and burn. Sensei and Kaminari weren’t enough to motivate him to stay in motion, but he also didn’t want to scare them if he got stuck.
Needing to keep a low profile, he paid for a membership at a 24-hour gym a little on the sleazy side. Not big enough to attract a lot of people to make it busy, but not too trashy to encourage crime and thugs. It also helped he got here at 1 a.m. A few other people were there, but it was an unspoken rule of etiquette not to disturb people who chose to go to the gym in the middle of the night. Listening to his music, he focused on his routine and the pleasant ache of his muscles. He enjoyed working out, possibly one of the few healthy ways he coped. Taking care of his body required dedication and time, both things that distracted him from all the negative thoughts rolling around in his brain. The clear goal of keeping his body healthy drowned out thoughts of inadequateness or things he could have done better during the last job, things he failed to do when he shouldn’t be able to do. He knows the mission was successful, but there was always something more he could have done.
By the time he finished up and showered, it was close to 4 a.m. He tossed the strap of his bag over his shoulder and slipped out the locker room. Outside on the street, he pulled his hoodie lower on his forehead and headed home. He had just enough time to get home, drink a quick protein shake, and take a nap before his meeting with Sensei.
**
Shinsou slouched in chair in Aizawa’s classroom, tracing the crisscrossing lines in the ceiling paneling with his eyes. The door clicked open and he glanced over as his former teacher walked to his desk
“You look tired, old man.” He smirked at the unamused Aizawa as he laced his fingers behind his head.
“You look like shit.”
He dramatically clutched a hand over his chest. “You wound me, Sensei. How can I ever recover from this?”
“Have you considered a hair brush?” Aizawa dead panned.
Shinsou snorted. “It would ruin my aesthetic.”
Aizawa cocked an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”
“Undiagnosed trauma.”
He sighed and scrubbed a head across his face. “Are you seeing the agency therapist?”
“When it’s mandatory.”
He leveled a disapproving stare at him, but moved on. “How’s your mother?”
He shrugged. “Good, I guess. It’s been a few months since I talked to her last.” The relationship with his mom was obligatory at this point. They’d never been close; a kid doesn’t grow into an adult and forget watching their mother turn a blind eye to their father verbally berating them. It messes a kid up when his father yells about his quirk being villainous and he’d inevitably join the wrong crowd by the time he entered high school. That he’d never be a functional part of society, so maybe it would have been better if he’d never been born. His mom never agreed with his dad, but silence spoke louder than words. Not to mention the absolute look of horror on her face when she realized it was just the two of them after he died when Shinsou was eleven.
“How have you been? Be honest with me.” Aizawa reclined in the chair and crossed his arms.
Knowing lying would bite him in the ass, he answered with enough truth to satisfy him. “Okay, I make sure I’m doing stuff so I’m not just wallowing alone in my apartment.”
“That’s good. Are you still hanging out with Kaminari?”
“Sometimes. Small doses with that one.” He grinned. “I’m sure you understand how taxing a loud blonde can be.”
He glared at him. “I have no idea what you mean.” Shinsou wondered why Aizawa continued ‘hiding’ the worse kept secret ever. “Eri would love to see you sometime while your home.”
“Is it because you’re getting too old to properly teach her how to use the capture weapon?”
“Get out. I’m done talking to you.”
Shinsou mock pouted. “Throwing me out to fend for myself? What kind of father are you?”
“One who refuses to be insulted about his age the same day he has to deal with the drama of my persistent problem children.”
“Midoriya and Bakugou?” He raised an eyebrow.
Aizawa pinched the bridge of his nose. “They are coming here to help with class and they are like an old divorced couple.”
“Didn’t they break up a year ago? And even then, wasn’t it on and off again the whole two years they were together?”
“Why would I know the specifics of my former students’ relationships?”
“Because Midoriya is an over sharer.” The deprecating expression on Aizawa’s face confirmed it. “You know why they never worked right?”
“Please stop.”
Shinsou forged ahead. “It’s because they both didn’t fight the assumed dynamics of their relationship. Bakugou is clearly a bottom, but Midoriya just accepted Bakugou would be the dominant one like he’s always been in other aspects of their relationship. Things probably would have worked out better if Bakugou let Midoriya dick him down like he desperately needs.”
Aizawa stared at him in shock, maybe a little disgust. “I can’t deal with you anymore.”
Shinsou snickered and stood up. “See you around old man.”
**
Shinsou didn’t deny that he had unhealthy habits. His sleep schedule was shit, he drank why too much caffeine, and if he had a job that was pet friendly, he’d have like four cats. Technically, he couldn’t say it was a bad habit since didn’t own cats, but he still counted it since he definitely would if the opportunity presented itself. Another one brought him to a sex club at 10 o’clock at night.
He craved physical touch, needed that human connection like water in a drought after he returned from a job. The job got intense and Shinsou often played a specific character for weeks at a time, and the intimacy helps redirect him back to himself. But he didn’t have or want someone special, not with his lifestyle of disappearing for extended times. Not to mention the other parts of a relationship terrified the shit out of him, he’d rather come to a place like this and pay than deal with emotional intimacy.
Sipping his drink, he scanned the crowd in hopes of someone standing out to him. It usually didn’t take long since he didn’t have many preferences, but he tried not to have repeats even if the person was working their job. Some jobs people tended to get close to regulars, and Shinsou didn’t want to risk this job being one of them. He just wanted the physical warmth of someone and not feelings.
Suddenly, he locked gazes with pair of familiar red eyes. Oh no. Maybe he’d ignore Shinsou, but he could admit his curiosity of the reason behind Bakugou coming to a sex club. This place required people to sign NDAs, so there was a high possibility he simply wanted a fun night without risk of it being in the tabloids, but there could also be another more personal reason like Shinsou’s. Bakugou started toward him, so hopefully he’d find out. When he dropped down next to him, Shinsou instantly noticed how tense and stressed he was. His jaw was clenched tight with his shoulders up to his ears and fists in his lap.
“What a pleasant surprise seeing you here, Bakugou.” He propped his elbow on the back of the couch and rested his chin on his hand.
He snorted. “Yeah?”
“Yep,” he popped the ‘p’. “This night would have been normal and now I have the excitement of Dynamight here with me.”
Bakugou glared at him. “Not like that.”
“Obviously, my little angry friend. What does bring you over here?” Bakugou narrowed his eyes, clearly having an internal battle. Shinsou saw the moment he gave in when his shoulders drooped a little and the animosity in his eyes dimmed just slightly. Shinsou wondered how they’d look without any walls after being reduced to a play thing at Shinsou’s mercy.
“I’ve never been to a place like this. Even though I don’t like you, at least you’re a familiar face.”
“Why did you decide to come here?” Bakugou tensed back up and Shinsou decided to share a little to make him more comfortable with the idea of sharing back. “I usually come here after long jobs, helps me unwind from whatever character I had to be.” Bakugou opened his mouth and snapped it back close, turning to glower at the undulating crowd of people. “If you think it would be easier to talk about it with a stranger, I can suggest someone.”
“No.” His head snapped back to him and he buried his hands into his blonde hair. “I don’t think that’s what I want.” He muttered with irritation.
“Do you want me to try to guess?”
Bakugou narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t a game.”
“I do want to help, but I need more information to work with. If you aren’t going to come out and tell me, guessing is my only option.” He scooted closer to him while still keeping no contact. Bakugou glared, but didn’t move and Shinsou took it as a good sign. “I’m pretty good at reading people. Either I’m right and you’re one step closer to fixing your problem, scratching your itch, however you want to call it. Or I’m wrong and you can gloat about it.” He tried not to lie to himself most of the time, so he could admit that he enjoyed the idea of cracking open Katsuki Bakugou, the person who erected massive walls around himself. Bakugou always paraded himself around like he was consistently top dog of the room, and the idea of chipping a little bit away from his self image appealed to him.
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care what you do.” He lowered his hands back into his lap, this time in looser fists.
“You’re having a hard time letting go. You don’t want to expose yourself to your friends, you care about what they think about you and the thought of them thinking less terrifies you.” Bakugou’s eyes widened with surprise, but he quickly reverted back to his face of annoyance. Did he not realize how much of an open book he was? Did he not think people were looking? “But the idea of a stranger that could leak information pisses you off, so you found this place, but idea of being vulnerable with a someone new is terrifying, isn’t it?” Bakugou furrowed his eyebrows and sneered at him, opening his mouth to protest. “It’s okay, you can be afraid of something.” His jaw clamped shut again and the anger in his eyes flickered in and out. Shinsou gambled and brushed his thumb across his cheek. Bakugou froze, but didn’t pull away. “It’s hard being in charge all the time, keeping your guard up constantly to make sure people don’t see any weakness. These nobody’s don’t deserve to see that.”
“Tch, you do?” While the intensity of fight left him, he still looked at him with defiance.
“Only if you think so.” He tipped his jaw up with the side of his finger. “It’s exhausting though, right? Ignoring something you want.” He dragged the pad of his thumb along his bottom lip and Katsuki inhaled through his nose. “I need to touch someone and you need to be able to let go. You know your secret would be safe with me and since we aren’t friends you shouldn’t care what I think about you. It would be a mutual transaction of sorts.” He drew his face close to Bakugou, who’s anger finally sizzled out of his eyes, leaving what he guessed was anxiety. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I’d take care of you. I’d make you feel so good.” A small whine escaped Bakugou and what was originally Shinsou wanting to tear Bakugou apart just to knock him down a peg turned into a burning need to hear more sounds like that from him. “Is that something you want?” He flicked his tongue over Bakugou’s lips.
“Fuck,” Bakugou gasped and darted his hand out to clutch at Shinsou’s shirt.
“I do want to do that. Very much so.” He smirked at him. “I want nothing more than to have you coming apart underneath me, but you have to be good for me, can you do that?” Shinsou held his breath, anxious to see if Bakugou would retreat or not.
Bakugou closed his eyes, the minutes stretching into hours, and when he opened them back up they were stripped bare and fragile. “Yes.”
“Good boy.” Bakugou’s breath hitched. “Do you like that? You have to tell me what you like so I can be exactly what you need.”
His cheeks darkened. “Yeah. I liked that.” He glanced away and added. “I don’t know what else I like. I haven’t done anything like this before.”
“That’s okay. We can figure it out. We can take baby steps.” The rest of the tension melted from him. “That’s it, are you comfortable with coming over here and sitting on my lap?” Bakugou glanced around the room, but if people were watching them, they had the sense to be discrete. “You don’t have to, we can…”
Bakugou cut him off. “I can do that. I’m not going to half ass this shit.” He pushed Shinsou’s arms out of the way and climbed over to straddle his legs.
“Half assing and having things you aren’t comfortable with are two different things, Bakugou.” He skimmed his hands up his thighs and rested on his waist.
“I’m not uncomfortable,” he snapped. “Like I would do something I didn’t want to.”
“We can go somewhere private. We don’t have to do anything where people can see.”
“This is fine.” He muttered.
Shinsou brought a hand up to cradle the side of his face. “Do you trust me?” Bakugou’s lips parted in surprise, but nodded. “We use a color system. Green means your okay with what we are doing, yellow means you need me to slow down, and red means you need me to stop. Okay? I need more than a nod this time.”
“Okay.”
“Repeat it back to me.”
Bakugou rolled his eyes, but responded. “Green means I’m okay, yellow means slow down, and red is stop.”
“You can say it any time and I’ll listen, understand? You’re allowed to change your mind. I’ll never ignore this color system, okay?"
"Okay. I know you will. I may not really like you, but I know you’re not a jackass.”
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.” Before Bakugou could make a snarky comment, Shinsou brought their lips together. He half expected Bakugou to try to take control, but he molded into his touch like putty. Shinsou nipped at his bottom lip and he easily opened up to him. When he slid their tongues together, they moaned simultaneously.
He felt like he was on fire, Bakugou and his acceptance of submitting to him so perfectly burning like the sun, the lukewarm touch of other people paling in comparison. Seeking more of that heat, he slipped his hand under the back of his shirt to press against the skin of his lower back. Bakugou rocked his hips in response, grinding the length of his cock against lower abdomen. The hand from his face snaked down and squeezed his erection through his jeans. Bakugou groaned in his mouth.
Shinsou broke the kiss. “How does this feel?”
“Good.” He panted and his hands fisted the front of his shirt.
He stroked a him over the fabric a few more times before he hovered his hand of the button of the jeans. “Can I touch you? You’ve been so good for the first time, I want to reward you.”
Bakugou stared at him with blown pupils. “Green.”
“That’s my good boy.” He kissed along his jaw as he freed his cock from his jeans and underwear. Holding his hand out, he snapped to get Bakugou’s attention. “Spit.” Without a second thought, he bent his head over and spit into his hand. “Good job.” He took him into his grip and leisurely stroked up and down. “Such a pretty cock to match a pretty face.” Bakugou whined with embarrassment and buried face into the crook of his neck. Shinsou upped his pace, sliding his thumb over the pre cum gathering at his tip to mix it with the spit on his hand. Bakugou tried to thrust into his hand, but Shinsou held firm onto his waist to keep him in place. His heated pants and moans danced across his skin and he worked him closer to orgasm. Bakugou’s thighs tightened around him. Turning his head to his ear, he whispered, “Are you close? You can. Be a good little boy and cum for me.” The muscles in his legs twitched and he let out the lewdest whimper Shinsou had ever heard when he spilled into his hand. “Perfect. I knew you’d be so good for me, Kitty Kat.”
Bakugou straightened, whatever he was ready to say dying on his lips when Shinsou started licking his hand clean. “Wait.” He circled his fingers around his wrist. “I made the mess, I should clean it up, right?”
Shinsou groaned, his ignored erection throbbing in his pants. “How considerate. Go ahead, lick it clean. Don’t miss a spot.” The image of Katsuki Bakugou eating his cum of his hand while peering up at him through lidded eyes would be branded into his memory. Watching his tongue curl around his fingers made him desperately hope there would be next time so he could feel that tongue on his cock as he fucked Bakugou’s throat. Once he finished, Shinsou wiped his hand on his jeans and helped Bakugou back to his clothes and moved him off his lap. “Stay here, I’ll get you some water.”
Luckily the wait was short and he returned to Bakugou fairly quickly. He accepted the glass from him and glanced down at the bulge in his pants. “Um, what about you?”
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t need it. This was about you.”
He furrowed his brows. “Doesn’t seem fair.”
He chuckled. “I’m serious, I don’t need to cum. My goal was to make you feel good. That’s what I did.”
Bakugou shrugged. “Whatever. If you want to blue ball yourself, that’s your prerogative.”
“If you want a next time, I’ll you take care of me, how’s that sound?”
A new blush bloomed across his cheeks. “Good. Um, both of those things.”
“I need your number then, Kitty Kat.”
Bakugou pursed his lips. “You can call me that when it’s just us, but it’s still Bakugou when other people are around.”
“Okay.” He brushed the bangs off Bakugou’s forehead and handed over his phone. “Just let me know when you’re available again, I’m on a two month break and the most I do is go to the gym and occasionally hang out with Kaminari.”
Bakugou chewed his bottom lip and hesitantly asked, “Are you going to find other people while we are doing this?”
“No, and I expect the same from you.” He hid a yawn behind his hand. “We can talk more about it another day in private.”
Bakugou handed the phone back and stood up, digging his hands in his pockets. “So, um. Thanks, I guess. It was fun.” He stared up at the ceiling, completely red in the face.
Shinsou laughed and joined him on his feet. He brushed his lips against his in a mock kiss. “I had fun too. I’m looking forward to next time.