Chapter Text
Quackity had been having a good time. They’d been having a great time.
Lying in bed and just plain talking, Sapnap mumbling sleepily about some story from his childhood, emitting radiator-like warmth. Karl was tracing little patterns into Quackity’s wrist, small swirls like the one on his hoodie. And Quackity was lying in the middle of them, warmth on all sides of his body, contentment settled into his bones.
As Sapnap finished up his story, and the silence of the house weighed down, he started thinking.
The one thing that Schlatt wouldn’t be harsh with, wouldn’t absolutely tear him down with, was when he was asking about how he was that day. It would be some compliment, whether workload based, or just plain ‘you did really well today.’
It was the one thing he looked forward to in his relationship with Schlatt, probably because the rest of it was hiding in bathrooms and shattered glass.
Quackity mumbled out Karl and Sapnaps names.
Karl shifted and looked at him with color swirled eyes, showing he was paying attention. Sapnap only hummed.
“Can you tell me how I was today?” His eyes slipped closed as he yawned, sleep starting to settle in. He was sure they were just going to make some offhand comment, maybe compliment him.
“Of course you little devil..”
He was suddenly aware of how closed in he was, how little space he took up and how little effort it would take to completely immobilize him. As soon as he heard the degrading nickname, all his other senses turned to static. It drowned out the good feelings he had.
“You’ve been so amazing for us,”
“Listening to everything we say,”
“Even if you do back talk sometimes.”
At that Karl giggled, like Quackity wasn’t suddenly floundering in this information.
His world seemed to slow to a stop. ‘That’s what they want? But even Schlatt- he’d tell me how good I was during the day- doing so much work-‘
Karl and Sapnap took no notice of his distress, continuing to compliment his abilities to listen like it didn’t evolve from the fear of broken bones and missing feathers. His skin was crawling now, but they seemed to be pressed even closer than before.
‘This is their relationship- not Schlatts. I play by their terms now. I just.. need to adapt.’
All Quackity could hear replaying in his head for the rest of the night was ‘adapt, adapt, adapt- or else.’
Even as they fell asleep, saying kind words (why did they keep complimenting him like that?), he kept repeating ‘adapt’ to himself. Every time they mentioned how obedient he was added another lead weight in his heart.
Its obvious they liked his compliance. After all, he was the newest one in their relationship. They could kick him out of the house, leave him with nowhere to sleep at night. It’s already a miracle he was tolerated with his unsightly appearance. He had to earn their love, his place in their relationship, by doing what they asked.
He resolved to not fight back against their words. If they told him to do the dishes, there wouldn’t be a word out of him. He had to keep his amazing fiancées, no matter what.
This was for them.
No more quips or complaints when told to do something. There would only be obedience, no room for doubt that Quackity was perfect for them.
He couldn’t lose them.
—
It was hard at first. He had gotten too comfortable with them, their playful banter allowing room in his mind for out of line thinking. ‘Disobedient thinking, I was being disobedient- backtalking-‘
He had to keep telling himself that this is what they wanted. They told him what they liked, and he would be an asshole to continue acting as he did.
So when Karl said, “Quackity, it’s your night for dinner,” he wouldn’t sigh and mope and ask for their help like he used to.
He would smile and say, “yeah! Of course.” Because that’s what they wanted him to do, which was fair. He shouldn’t expect to intrude on their relationship without conditions. That’s selfish of him.
And time and time again he had his chances to earn his spot. When Sapnap came downstairs after a nap, grouchy, and asked Quackity to turn on a different show, instead of bitching about it, he nodded and complied. Cuddling next to Sapnap. Watching something he didn’t quite like, which scenes reminded him too much of booze and pickaxe scars.
And when Karl came back from one of his who knows where trips, asking to get between them, Quackity simply moved over, wishing he was in the middle instead.
Karl needs love too, and Sapnap has his wants- just like him. So this was okay. It was for them.
That’s what he told himself after he threw up in the trash can after being asked to share a beer with Sapnap, the taste of his dead ex husband in his throat.
That’s what he told himself after he had a panic attack in the bathroom after Karl reached around drunkenly and held his ass, whispering what he wanted to do to him.
It was in the name of obedience. For them. Quackity’s beautifully perfect fiancées. And for their poor, broken fiancé. It was for all of them.
He found himself slipping up more and more, doing the opposite of what they wanted.
Quackity had been getting a drink, grabbing a random cup from their cupboards and carrying it across their kitchen. He hadn’t ever even seen it before, but they were low on dishes, so a lot of old stuff was being found.
He had just filled the cup, about to take a sip, when the door slammed shut. He jerked backwards and it slipped out of his hands. He heard the deafening sound of shattered porcelain, and his stomach dropped.
Karl came running down the stairs, and Sapnap finally properly entered the house. They stared at the pieces on the floor.
“I- I um-” he started, gaze flicking back and forth between them.
“What the hell Quackity?” Sapnap said sharply.
Guilt flooded his brain, and he felt his usual defenses rising. “I didn’t mean to-” he had meant that to sound more definitive, sure of himself- but he couldn’t mask the shaking in his voice.
Karl sighed. “Sapnap, don't. I’ll handle it, go upstairs.”
Sapnap scoffed. “I just came from a really stressful day to see our shit broken, whaddya mean ‘don’t?’ He hasn’t even said sorry-”
Quackity felt himself start to shake a little bit, opening his mouth to apologize.
“Sapnap! I said go upstairs.” Karl was more firm this time.
He stood there for a moment longer, glaring, before turning around and stomping up the stairs.
Karl sighed, stepping forward.
“I’m really sorry-” Quackity blurted, resisting his instinct to step back and shield himself.
Karl shook his head. “I know, Q. He’s just had a rough day, but that doesn't make it okay for him to yell at you. How about we clean this up, okay?”
Quackity nodded, kneeling down.
Karl sucked in a sharp breath. “Oh.”
“What?”
“Um..” Karl picked up a piece of the shattered cup, showing Sapnap and Karls names and anniversary date carved into it.
Quackity felt his heart drop into his stomach. “..I’m-”
“Dont. Not… not right now, Quackity.”
‘Bad bad bad bad bad bad angry angry angry angry angry angry’ was the mantra he heard in his head as he cleaned up the broken pieces with a silent Karl at his side.
After he finished and apologized to Sap, (who apologized as well, only sounding a little harsh) he crawled into the guest bedroom and cried to himself quietly. He slept there that night.
And he just kept slipping up.
Quackity, in his stress, had been forgetting tasks that are less tasks and more necessities. Namely, eating right. Or at all.
It didn't help that Schlatt used to make him ask permission to eat, and he had fallen back into those habits. But he was starting to feel sick with hunger, the pain enough to make him drop to the floor for minutes at a time now. He knew if he asked for permission, they would look at him weird and he’d just get the feeling of ‘Uh oh, fucked up something obvious again.’
Its not like they would care, they had plenty of food stored, and he wasn’t wasting it.
Just as Quackity stood on his toes to reach a snack at the top of the cabinet, he heard a voice ring out.
“Q!”
It was Karl.
“Karl?”
“I’m about to cook dinner, you shouldn’t be having a snack at this hour. You won’t be hungry.” Karl berated, visibly upset.
Quackity felt his heart drop to his stomach. Or maybe it didn’t, maybe it fell lower, because he could still feel its emptiness.
He almost said something back. ‘I’ll still be hungry later.’ Surely Karl would be okay with it if he knew that, right? He’s not trying to be ungrateful, he’s just trying to make Karl understand that he needed something. A voice rang through, demanding he listen to what was asked.
He gulped and forced his voice to not shake. “Yeah. Okay, sorry Karl. Um, I can help or do it for you-?” Tensions had been high since he dropped the cup. They were still extremely angry, he was almost sure of it.
“Yeah, whatever. You can help, I’m starting in fifteen.”
He scurried away without another word. As soon as he was out of eyesight, he felt tears welling in his own. ‘No snacks. It’ll be okay- it was just some crackers. Get over yourself. Be happy they’re letting you correct your behavior.’
In his minds eye he saw Schlatt looming over him, a broken bottle in hand, eyes glinting red.
He should be happy they were cooking him meals, too.
He forced himself to walk away from the kitchen with an empty stomach. It’s his own fault he hasn’t eaten since yesterday.
“Should’ve just asked for permission,” he mumbled to himself. “Its better for all of us.”
Karl and Sapnap seemed happier when he did what they asked. They would beam down at him every time, ruffle his hair, or pet down his side.
His brain flooded with endorphins every single time. He loved it, he loved them- and now he was finally able to be loved as well.
(It didn't matter if he could feel his body deteriorating under his skin, under their will. It didn't.)
Warmth was surrounding him, being in between his two fiancées. Sapnap groaned and held Quackity closer to his chest.
“Can’t sleep?” He mumbled, after feeling him squirm around for a while.
“No,” he whispered back. “Not really.”
“Mm.” Sapnap sighed against the back of his neck. “Better get some,” he said. “We’re going to have to wake up early and get some chores done around the house.”
Quackity felt his stomach sink. He always hated deep cleaning the house. The bleach smell reminded him too much of when Schlatt would give his wings bleach baths, because of ‘bird lice.’
Now the scent gave him panic attacks, and he wouldn’t be able to help them, do what they asked.
He felt Sapnaps breathing slow back down again, showing he was asleep. He looked at Karl, who was facing him, dead asleep.
Tucking his wings in close, he started extricating himself from their embrace. He turned back to look at them, now snuggling up next to each other, filling the gap where he had left. His heart strained.
If he wanted to be of any use, he would have to do what they asked before they asked him.
He closed the door quietly, tiptoeing away from it.
He started in the kitchen, first sweeping, then doing the dishes, wiping down the counters, organizing the cabinets. He felt his throat start to close up as he looked under the sink for the bleach.
He dragged it out, wings drawn impossibly close to himself. They were starting to cramp.
Trying to breathe, he scrubbed the sink, ignoring the feeling of phantom hands pulling and tearing at his feathers, liquid running in between them.
He finished quickly and mopped the floor, moving onto the bathrooms. He was getting lightheaded, and it was getting increasingly harder to see through the tears staining his vision.
Finally in the last bathroom, his panic attack hit.
It felt like a rubber band was tightening around his ribs, making it harder for his lungs to draw in air.
He sat there gasping for who knows how long, vision clouded over and hands grabbing him and holding him down.
After he sat wheezing on the ground for a while, he decided that he could just move on to the living room. He didn’t vacuum, 4 A.M. was a bit too early for that, but he straightened up everything, organizing the dvds and dusting. He scrubbed the tears off his face and admired his work. Everything but vacuuming and laundry was done. He checked the time- 6 A.M.
He tiptoed back up the stairs, creaking the door open. Karl and Sap were still cuddled up next to each other, sleeping soundly, a smile on both of their faces. He felt his heart pang again, but he grabbed the laundry basket and made for the door.
“Baby?” He heard.
He turned around and Karl was squinting at him.
“Hey Karl,” Quackity whispered.
“Why’re you up?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Started doing chores. Go back to sleep, it’s alright.”
Karl closed his eyes again and shuffled closer to Sapnap. “Mmkay. Love you..”
Quackity nodded. “Love you too.” He closed the door behind him, dragging the laundry with him.
At this point he felt exhaustion creeping into his bones, dragging his eyelids down.
He quickly loaded the washing machine and unloaded the dryer, folding the clothes in their guest room.
As he surrounded himself with the warm laundry, a buried instinct started bubbling up in his chest. He started thinking that maybe he should nest in the guest room. It wasn’t like Karl or Sapnap would have any reason to come in here..
He shook his head out. He needed to do the laundry. That’s what he was here for, anyways.
He finished the laundry quickly, leaving it there to put back when his fiancées were awake.
Checking the clock, it was now 7:30. It would be alright for him to start vacuuming, right?
Besides, he was cleaning. It’s not like he was waking them up for no reason- if they even woke up at all.
He told himself it would be fine as he dragged the vacuum out of the closet. He assured himself that they wouldn’t beat him for waking them up.
He tried to move quickly, body heavy with sleeplessness. The less noise, the better chance of them not waking up.
Prime, he didn’t even know why he was scared. These were his sweet, sweet fiancées- they would never lay a mean hand on him.
He still made it snappy. Better safe than sorry.
He looked around, blinking tears of relief out of his eyes.
The whole house was clean. He did it. He was just about the pinnacle of obedience. His eyelids were dropping closed, so he figured he’d get in a few minutes of cuddle time with his fiancées. He was halfway up the stairs when he heard voices coming from their bedroom.
‘Oh no,’ he thought, ready to cry again. ‘They’re up- I wasn’t good enough-‘ scrubbing at his eyes again, he forced himself up the rest of the way.
He stood up straighter too, trying to make it seem like he hadn’t stayed up all night. Like he couldn’t feel every cell of his body begging him to sleep.
He opened the door to their bedroom, seeing Karl and Sapnap smiling at each other, fully indulged in a conversation.
Quackity hesitantly cleared his throat.
Sapnap turned and beamed at him. “I was wondering where you ran off to, Duckling!”
“So..” he heard his voice shake with exhaustion and he cringed. “I didn’t wake you up?”
Karl shook his head. “Nope. I woke Sap up because I was hungry.”
“Oh- I vacuumed, I figured it was loud enough to.. you know. Wake you.”
Karl tilted his head. “Is that where you’ve been?”
“Yeah.. couldn’t sleep.” Quackity shuffled in the doorway. “So I did the housecleaning- well, most of it. I wasn’t able to put the laundry away because you guys were sleeping.”
“Wait, you did all of it?” Sapnap stepped towards him, taking his hand. “How long did that take you?”
Quackity shrugged.
Karl grinned, coming in to hug him. “Thank you, Big Q. How can we make it up to you?”
“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to do anything.” Quackity accepted the hug readily, feeling contentment settle in his chest.
Sapnap also hugged him, so they were in a similar position before Quackity left to pull his all nighter. He felt exhaustion weigh down his bones again, and he fought the urge to cry when they pulled away.
“What do you say we all have some breakfast, hm?” Sapnap asked, ruffling Quackity’s hair.
As they walked down the stairs, and they admired his work, he felt pride swell in his chest.
They were proud of him. He did good. This is why he did what he did, even if it hurt sometimes. As they ate breakfast, he felt truly happy.
Because he was finally earning his spot in their relationship.
He almost ruined it one time.
Ever since the laundry, the bird part of his brain had been itching to nest. It was slight enough that he could ignore it, but it was making him tense.
So when Sapnap asked him for the second time to make dinner that night (it was Sapnaps night to make it) he burst. “I’m not your slave, do it yourself!” As soon as he said it, he wished he hadn’t.
Sapnap physically recoiled at that. “What the hell, I’m not saying you are, what’s wrong with you- I’m asking you to do me a favor- don’t get so pissy!”
Karl, always the mediator, stepped between them. “Stop it, both of you!”
Quackity ignored him. “Oh, a favor, it’s your night to cook, we agreed that was the deal! I said I don’t want to!”
“I asked twice, Primes sake- a simple no would have done the trick!” Sapnaps eyes were blazing, hands smoking.
“But it didn’t! You kept asking!”
“Guys!” Karl pleaded, grabbing for both of their hands.
Sapnap ripped his hand out of Karls. “I thought you would have changed your mind by now! Excuse me for thinking that, Prime.”
“Why the hell are my ‘nos’ never respected?” Quackity glared.
“Please, when have they ever been disrespected? Everything is always for Quackity, we do what you want! Excuse me for wanting something from you for once.”
A pang went through Quackity’s heart. He should have done it. He should have kept his mouth closed. It’s for them, it’s for them- he was so stupid-
“What? No more words? Finally, I think I liked you better silent behind Schlatt on the podium-”
“Sapnap! Quackity! I’m cooking dinner, now leave it alone! Take a walk, both of you!”
Quackity stalked off to the guest room, his entire body shaking. Sapnap slammed the door to their room.
As soon as Quackity closed his (gently), he slid down the back of it with tears streaming down his face.
His wings curled around him, forming his own protective bubble.
‘I have to do better for them- I’m not good enough- why am I never good enough?’
All of this was because he was wanting to nest, because of his stupid fucking instincts, and his disobedience.
Sapnap was angry at him, he wanted him to be silent, compliant, just an empty shell to toy with- like how he was with Schlatt- he said so himself.
Karl, poor poor Karl- Quackity was sick of making him come between his and Saps petty arguments.
He loved them both. They were his everything.
Bawling now, he grabbed a fistful of his feathers and pulled, feeling the skin give and the wing jump, leaving him with torn and bloody feathers. He spotted a few primaries in the mix.
It didn’t matter, he was bad bad bad bad bad, and he knew however angry his fiancées were, they would never put him in his place the way they needed to after things like this.
His wing was twitching in pain, arms trembling, and he was sobbing into his bloodied feathers.
‘Quiet, be quiet, he wanted you to be silent-‘ he was trying to cover up his sobbing now, trying to be silent- he just couldn’t.
There was a soft knock on the door. Karl. “Hey.. dinners ready. I know you don't want to eat right now, so I’ll leave you some in the fridge.. Come join me and Sap when you’re ready. I love you.”
Quackity whimpered through the door, completely unable to form words.
“Okay baby. It’ll be okay.”
At least Karl was being nice to him. He didn't leave the guest room that night. He crawled into the closet, drawing his knees as close to himself as he could, and sobbed himself to sleep.
They exchanged broken apologies the next day.
—
The urge to nest was getting increasingly persistent. He knew it was due to stress, because he was now always walking on eggshells, listening for their next command while trying to ignore his instincts.
It was starting to cause him to slip, when he was doing so well.
When Sap asked Quackity to grab him a pen so he could write something down, he groaned.
When Karl asked him to clean up after dinner, he scoffed at him and said, “what, no help?” (That earned him a surprised yet sharp look.)
He needed to nest. But they hadn’t given him permission- and it would be their clothes, their bedroom he would be stealing.
After a few weeks of no sleep, he finally came to the conclusion that they either didn’t care about his needs- or they didn’t know.
He didn’t want to make a fool of himself if they did know and simply didn’t care, but it was just about killing him at this point.
He finally resolved to ask them for permission.
“Hey, Sap, Karl, can I talk to you guys for a sec?”
They both looked away from the TV to where he was fiddling with his fingers anxiously.
“Is everything okay baby?” Karl asked.
“Um.. well, yes, but also kind of no?”
Sapnap shifted to look at Quackity better. He was glad they patched things up now.
“So.. I don’t know if you guys know, but occasionally avian hybrids get the need to.. nest. It’s a messy process, but I haven’t been doing it, so that’s why I’ve been kinda on edge.”
Sapnap and Karl shared a look.
“And?” Karl prompted.
“I was wondering if I could have some of your clothes for my nest- I don’t know if I’ll necessarily have you in it, but I kind of want something to remind me of you? It’ll just help me feel better- don’t feel obligated to though, it’s just dumb bird stuff at the end of the day.”
Sapnap looked like he was processing. “Where,” he stopped himself, looking hesitant.
Karl spared him a glance. “You said it could get messy.. where would you build your nest?”
He knew Karl was just curious, but Quackity felt his heart sink. “Um.. I clean up afterwards- and it would probably be in the guest room or something, I dunno. It wouldn’t be in the main bedroom.”
Quackity could see a slight bit of relief wash through Karl’s eyes and he couldn’t help the guilt that flooded him. ‘Prime, I shouldn't have even asked-‘
“Well, of course- you don’t need our permission to give into your biological needs, Q. Take whatever clothes of ours you need, and go nest up. Do you want us to come into your nest or no?” Sapnap took Quackity’s hand, offering a sympathetic look.
“I.. I don’t know quite yet.” He looked away, feeling his hands shake unwillingly.
Karl leaned forward and kissed his temple. “Let us know when you decide, okay? We’ll respect any decision you make.”
Quackity nodded, wishing his tears away.
Quackity’s wings fluttered with anticipation. He had clothes from Sapnap and Karl, nearly all the pillows the three owned, and piles of blankets.
He chirped loudly before stumbling to the bed, arranging everything. Almost 3 hours later, there was a nest like shape big enough to hold three people.
He was sure if he was a dog hybrid, his tail would be wagging harder than ever. He hasn’t been given the luxury of nesting since Schlatt-
No. No more thinking about Schlatt.
Quackity shook his feathers out, wings puffing up, chirping wildly and loudly. He smiled widely. He turned around to go find his fiancées, pride swelling in his chest, but as soon as he crossed the threshold of the guest room dread settled in his stomach. It was like a spell had been broken. He stepped back into the room, guilt flooding his system.
He wanted to show them, but he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to invite them into his nest, and he was scared that they would be offended.
He made the nest big enough for all of them, but that didn’t mean anything. All it was was the preparation for potentially being filled.
He laid in the middle of the nest, feeling warmth enter his system again, and slight relief. The nest didn’t feel empty, but it didn’t feel quite right.
He decided to show his fiancées, and depending on how they reacted he would make his decision.
He felt excitement filter in through his distress, the want to show his fiancées coming back slightly.
He knocked on their bedroom door, grinning widely.
They both peeked their head out, smiles splitting their faces.
“Hey Baby, did you finish?” Karl stepped out, hugging Quackity to his side.
“Yeah, come see!” Quackity linked his arm with Karl, grabbing Sapnaps hand. He couldn’t help but let out a happy chirp as he led them to the threshold of the guest room.
Sapnap laughed, “pretty birdie.”
Quackity turned around, smiling brightly.
Sap placed his hand on Quackity’s cheek, thumbing his beauty marks. “Looks amazing Birdie!”
Karl side checked Sapnap lovingly, tapping his fingers against Quackity’s lower thigh. “Does this mean we’re invited in?”
Just like that, Quackity felt his mood drop. “I.. I still don’t know.” He wanted to say yes, so so badly, but it just didn't feel right. And it wasn’t phrased like an order, so maybe he truly was asking?
Karl’s fingers stalled, and Quackity cringed against his will.
Order order order order he wasn’t asking he was telling-
“I- I mean, you can of course, you know, if you want, you can still come in-! I- I won’t stop you guys, there’s- There’s room in here for the both of you, so that’s not a problem-“ Quackity felt himself spiral by the second, deeper into discomfort and fear. Visions of Schlatt looming over his nest, reaching for his head whenever Quackity showed even the slightest hesitation or discontentment.
Sapnap tsk’s. “Karl, don’t push, okay? Q, don’t worry. We’ll respect your wishes, and we won’t enter unless you give us explicit permission. Right, Dear?”
Karl nodded. “Of course- sorry Ducky. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. We’ll be in bed if you need us, it’s getting kind of late. Love you Big Q, see you-!”
Sapnap kissed his forehead. “See you in the morning, Birdie.”
Quackity chirped his good night, guiltily retreating into his nest. He did feel a lot of relief as well though, because he didn’t know if he’d be able to sleep if they had been lying next to him.
Nesting invitations were so hard. He’d figure this out tomorrow.
He did not, in fact, figure it out the next day. Or the next. Or the next. Finally, on the fourth day of his nest, he decided that he was just going to do it. They were his fiancées, of course they’re allowed in- he’s using their house for primes sake. It didn’t matter what he wanted. This was for them. He could do this for them.
As they were going to bed again, Quackity grabbed their hands. “Actually- I um.. I wanted to invite you into my nest for the night.”
His instincts screamed at him, warning him of danger, that his nest wasn’t safe, he wasn’t safe-
But he saw twin grins split his lovers’ faces. And he couldn’t back out now. Why did they react like that? Why were they so happy? Quackity really had been hurting them this whole time, hadn’t he.
Ignoring his hurt brain, he led the way to the guest room. His rapidly beating heart was starting to become painful. He walked in and patted two spots beside him in the nest.
He looked at the two people clambering into it, ignoring faint rams horns he saw on their head. The lingering smell of alcohol and cigarettes. The hands he could feel on his neck. The feeling of watching his last nest being torn apart, scattered everywhere.
He ignored it because the looks his fiancées gave him let him know- they thought he made the right choice. So he would have to be content with it.
As he laid awake at night, he was very sure that he didn't want this, but it was a bit too late now.
So he told himself that the next night. And the next, when they kept coming back because they thought it was an extended invitation.
Prime, it was hard to be obedient when you want to cry yourself to sleep because of it.
Finally after the nesting period, things seemed like they went back to normal. Quackity could return to doing what they asked without complaint, and Sapnap and Karl could return to… well, their room he supposes.
Quackity collected his shed down feathers and put them in the bin, brushing off his hands. Finally his wings were starting to look less fried from his time with Schlatt.
He started entertaining the idea of flying again, feeling the wind glide under his wings, the fear of heights being left on the ground below.
His wings stretched out, almost like they too were remembering the days where he flew across the server, looking down upon all of the members and thinking about them being under his rule. The days where he still thought power meant freedom, a better life.
He knew better now.
He thought about it often. Even as he swayed in the kitchen with his fiancées, laughing. He thought back to the time before he knew what power meant, what his future held in store with it.
Karl brought him back to himself. “Happy anniversary, guys! I cant believe we’ve been together for a year already. We still need to plan our wedding properly, we don't even know where we’re going to have it!”
Quackity smiled to himself. His project was in the works, his very own nation, for the three of them. To get married in. To spend his forever in. This time would be different, it wouldn’t be ruled by an iron fist, a chokehold on the government and its citizens. It wouldn’t be Schlatt’s nation, Wilburs, or Tubbos- it would be for him and his lovers.
Sapnap grinned widely. “No need to rush it. We’ll be together forever, and if it comes to it, we’ll just get married in the backyard of our house.”
Quackity nodded, smiling. “Yeah. Together forever.”
Karl squeezed his hand tighter in his own, giving him a blinding smile. “I love you both,” he said. “So much. I’m so happy I met you in my lifetime, I don't know what I would do without you guys.”
Quackity pressed against him, almost in a hug. “You’ll always have us. We’re not going anywhere, alright? Don't forget it.”
Sapnap laughed. Quackity sensed something somber in the air, Karls sunny smile having dimmed. Maybe it was just the angle, but something in his eyes looked sad.
“Hey, what do you guys say- have a little fun on our special night, hmmm?” Sapnap leaned closer to them both, drawing Quackity’s attention away from Karl's body language.
He raised his eyebrows. “What kind of fun?”
Laughing again, he said, “Not that kind of fun. I got us something special to share when I was out the other day.” He fished underneath a cabinet to pull out a bottle of whiskey.
Quackitys head went fuzzy for a moment, trying to recall why the bottle looked so familiar. After a moment, his minds eye provided the memories of Schlatt pulling it out of his cabinet multiple times, of him brandishing the broken glass threateningly. Nausea crept up his throat.
His wings shifted involuntarily, pressing close into his spine.
Karl noticed, looking down at him with golden and blue swirled eyes. “Q? Everything alright?”
Sapnap turned his attention back to them, falling silent in his explanation of where he bought it.
‘No.’ “Hell yeah, lets get this party started, baby.” He flashed a wide grin, forcing his stance to look comfortable enough to fool them. He hates that it did the trick.
Karl gave his hand one last squeeze before letting go, moving to get the cups.
‘Behave,’ he told himself. ‘Its just some alcohol, theres nothing wrong with it.’ The pit in his stomach only grew as he was handed his glass. Sapnap raised his, grinning.
“Cheers, boys.”
Quackity grimaced at the clinking sound. He took a sip, letting it flood his senses. It brought back so many more memories, him digging glass out of his thigh, scalp, and arms, hiding underneath the bathroom counter to avoid Schlatts drunken rage.
Schlatts pleading apologies to be forgiven, he wouldn’t do it again duckling, he promises, he’ll do better next time, be better next time.
Quackity drank anyway, downing the cup and grinning at his lovers.
Things were going so great again.
But then they were tracing his wings with their fingertips, down to the base where feathers met skin, then dragging down to his waistband. It was almost like they were trying to be in sync.
His brain stupidly autofilled, he could hear Schlatt, feel his stupid fucking mutton chops, smell the booze on his breath. The lingering scent of whiskey didnt help. A silent tears started to run down his face.
He couldn’t do this tonight.
“You like this, baby?” Sapnap asked. Quackity heard Schlatts voice, telling him that he was supposed to enjoy this kind of intimacy, that he should be enjoying it. His eyes pricked with tears.
There was a pressure in his rib cage, right underneath his sternum, that grew more pressing with every gentle movement of their fingers. He felt sick.
Their hands traced lower, lower, ever soft. He couldn’t move, feeling tears trickle down his face.
When they both attached their lips to the sides of his neck, he couldn’t help the sob that escaped his throat.
Karl withdrew immediately, concerned, guilt flooding his eyes and dripping out from every action.
Sapnap simply froze, face pressed into the juncture between his shoulder and neck.
“Quackity?” Karl reached out- looking almost starstruck if it weren’t for the worry in his eyes- and thumbed at his tear stricken face. “Are you okay?”
Sapnap slowly backed away and stared at Quackity.
Quackity didn’t respond, instead pulling his beanie down over his face. His chest was heaving, and he curled in on himself using his wings as shields.
“Birdie?” He felt Sapnap sit up next to him, hands hovering over Quackity’s knees.
Guilt had Quackity’s heart in a vice grip, he felt horrible because his fiancées were trying to make him feel good for Prime’s sake.
He wasn’t able to be good for them for a while now. They would have no reason to keep him around, because he can’t even stay still and listen when they’re trying to appeal to him- he’s a shit fiancé.
He let out another sob unwillingly.
Karl pressed himself into Quackity, almost like he was trying to smother his tears. “Baby don’t cry- what’s wrong?”
He couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t do what they wanted and now they had no reason to keep him. Even his sex appeal was ruined now, tarnished by this breakdown.
He didn't even know why he broke down; it’s not like they ever hurt him during these times, not like Schlatt. It’s not like they rape him.
He just couldn’t do it anymore. He used to be able to all the time, whenever Schlatt wanted, which was conveniently whenever Quackity did not. He was out of practice, out of focus.
Karl and Sapnap still sat dutifully by his side, trying to comfort him with no avail.
‘At least it’s not a panic attack,’ he thought. ‘Then they’d really be kicking me out right now.’ The thought didn’t make him feel better.
“Darling?” Sapnap sounded so much closer, like he had closed the already short gap in between them.
Quackity sobbed out a stuttering “Im sorry,” before his throat closed up.
He was thankful they didn’t pressingly insist on touching him. That probably would have sent him into a panic attack, to be realistic.
Why couldn’t they have wanted him to be healthy? Why did they have to request one of the hardest things for him to do, be complacent and malleable to their will, then comment on it.
Even Schlatt was focused on his health, if he was working out for him, eating okay, drinking water. He appreciated it, even if it was just all in the name of not being called a flatty patty.
While Schlatt did expect obedience, it wasn’t one of those things he directly pointed out, asked for. It was a silent agreement. If behavior correction was necessary, then it would be corrected by whatever means necessary.
Even by violent- punishing- means, as it was usually.
But here, now, with his fiancées, they pointed it out, talked about it, appreciated it with their touches and gestures. Somehow acknowledging it made it harder for him to live up to their expectations.
They were speaking to him, trying to ask him why he was crying, was something wrong, what happened, are you alright?
He didn’t bother with an answer.
If it was Schlatt, he would have already thrust his wings aside, pulled him down by his thighs and drunkenly ground up into him anyway; growling into his ear and continue trying to fuck without an air of concern.
Once again, he reminded himself that this wasn’t Schlatt. This was Karl and Sapnap. His (maybe) sober, caring fiancées.
Who he just denied sex. Who he had just disobeyed. Who were waiting outside of the cover of his wings and feathers.
Once again, his heart sank past his stomach, dropping into his pelvis, where phantom drunken hands roamed.
‘It’s still not a panic attack.’
A weight suddenly covered him, and his wings buckled in surprise. For a moment he thought they threw themselves onto him, but he quickly realized it was just their weighted blanket.
He heard an indignant ‘Sapnap!’ before he completely zoned out.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, underneath their blanket against the headboard, but when he felt like he could breathe again he peeked out. Sapnap and Karl were gone.
He felt tears rush back into his eyes, but he willed them away. Quietly, he pulled the blanket around him and got out of bed.
He padded down the hallway, peering into the guest room. No Sap or Karl. He could feel a headache forming.
He stood at the top of the stairs, staring at the bottom. He felt like he was going to fall.
He carefully made his way down, gripping the railing the whole way down.
When he finally got to the bottom of the stairs, he felt like he was going to be sick.
He looked into the living room, still not seeing them. They weren’t in the kitchen either.
“They.. left me?” Quackity whispered to himself. He felt his heart rate pick up again. There was no way he missed them somewhere, he would know- and they wouldn’t hide from him-
He retraced his steps, feeling his breathing grow unsteadier. Still no one. He was alone in the house.
He certainly didn’t appreciate it. Unwillingly, a sad chirp bubbled up out of his throat.
They were just letting him have his space before they broke up with him, kicked him out. Allow him to come to terms with it.
He was back in their bedroom. The sheets were messed up, the pillows on the floor, a few feathers scattered. Every sign was from him, but none of the people he needed the most. Quackity finally allowed himself to break, sliding down the cabinet, sobbing into his hand.
This is why he had to earn their love. Because this is what happens when he doesn’t.
Because in the end, he’s alone. Unless he gives the 110%, he will keep ending up right where he is now, crying on the floor, alone, longing for people he’s hurt, who’ve hurt him. Thats how it always will be. Its what he deserves. And he was a fool to think different.
Karl and Sapnap may have given him the love and acceptance that he craves, but if he hasn’t earned it they don't keep doing it. He was doing good for a little while. Being good, being what they wanted. But they didn’t want him.
No one did.
Because that's how it goes.
Obedience means you’ve earned their love, and as he was sitting on the floor, breaking apart for the eyes of none, shattering for no one, he knew he didn’t.