Chapter Text
APRIL
Katsuki only calls him when he’s drunk.
Izuku knows this, but he still picks up every time when his phone’s screen lights up and the text “Kacchan” appears on it. As it now rings, Izuku stares at it for a second, and then, as always, places the phone on his ear.
“Hi, Kacchan!” Izuku says to the phone, his voice energetic but saturated with hesitation.
“Oi, shitnerd” , answers the familiar grumbling, slurred voice, “Where you at?”
“In my room. Doing homework. We got loads, I don’t know how I’ll manage it all for Monday. Which reminds me that I’ll have work study on Monday and I’ll miss the lessons again. I missed a day last week too, I’ll have to catch up with everyone—“ he scrambles on, trying to seem like his usual talkative self, but dreading to hear what Katsuki will have to say once he stops talking. Sure enough, as soon as there’s a pause long enough, Katsuki makes Izuku’s insides twist with just four words.
“I miss you, Deku” , Katsuki huffs, his voice rough but not annoyed, not aggressive as it would be anytime he’s sober. Izuku lets out a long, pained sigh.
“You say that only because you’re drunk”, he says quietly with a sad smile. Katsuki doesn’t know how he’s tormenting Izuku with these calls. Come every Friday, Izuku wishes Katsuki wouldn’t call, all the while waiting, yearning that he would.
“‘M not drunk” , Katsuki says, attempting to sound triggered and failing, “‘m saying how it is.”
The first time Katsuki had called was during the winter holidays in their second year. Izuku hadn’t even had Katsuki’s phone number before that — let alone known that Katsuki had his — so when he’d picked up and heard Katsuki’s raspy voice on the other end, he’d panicked, thinking that Katsuki must be at the very least dying to be calling him. Their relationship had been steadily improving since the beginning of high school, but even so, wouldn’t Katsuki actually rather die than call him for help?
Though Izuku had had no idea what to expect, what came to follow was the last thing he’d thought he’d hear from Katsuki. Naturally, he thought he was being pranked, even considered someone having stolen Shinso’s voice modifier when he’d heard the husky voice tell him “I know you think I hate you or whatever. But I don’t. I think… You’re fucking amazing, Deku. You should know that. Hey, do you know that?” Though he’d definitely recognized the voice as the same one he’d heard since they’d been kids, he’d never heard it sound like this . Never before had Katsuki’s voice been gentle when speaking to Izuku. And even though Izuku had endlessly questioned whether the caller was actually Katsuki, whether someone was holding a gun against his head to make him say stuff like that or if he’d bumped his head, not once had Katsuki lost his patience. Finally, Izuku had figured out Katsuki was drunk. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel overjoyed for getting to hear such praise from the person whose opinion mattered the most.
After that, Katsuki’s drunk calls formed a habit. He didn’t call often, but each time he did, the confessions went a little deeper, until one night he fully confessed the deep adoration and longing he held for Izuku, along with some pretty intimate ideas of what he’d like to do to him, which had the already overwhelmed Izuku nearly fainting. Izuku had bashfully told him he felt the same. But while the calls got more and more enthralling, they also turned very bittersweet to the point of agony as Izuku soon found that the sober Katsuki remained unchanged: if Izuku attempted to reach out to him while he was sober, he either completely ignored Izuku or told him to “crawl in to a hole and DIE!” . By the time they returned to UA for their final year, the way Katsuki behaved made it seem as if all the progress they’d made the previous two years had come undone.
Izuku shifts the phone to his other ear, leaning against his desk.
“Alright, Kacchan. How come you never say that when you’re sober, then?” he asks wearily.
There’s rustling and audible gulping noise as Katsuki downs another drink.
“I fucking love you” , Katsuki grumbles and makes Izuku’s heart make a painful flip.
“You’re the… the prettiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen”, Katsuki continues, “You’re… I want to kiss you every damn time I see you. Even when I don’t see you. Oi, why aren’t you here? I’d kiss you… right now…” Katsuki’s voice is drowned out by the liquid hitting his lips again.
Drunk Katsuki doesn’t insult Izuku. If he calls him nerd, his voice is affectionate. He says things that make Izuku both melt and break at the same time — dreaming that he could hear those things face to face, from Katsuki that isn’t intoxicated, knowing it’s not going to happen.
“I love you too, Kacchan”, Izuku says quietly. Usually he’d try to dismiss Katsuki’s confessions, trying to remind Katsuki that he actually loathes Izuku, but today he’s tired. Today he has no energy to put up a fight. Today he wants to hear all of it and pretend that it could be true.
Katsuki grunts.
“I want to marry you and shit”, he says, “I want… I want to do all the fucking embarrassing sappy stuff with you. We should… live together”. So he’s in a sweet mood today. Last time he’d straight up told Izuku he’d fuck him against a wall when they’d meet the next time. Not that Izuku actually expected that to happen, but the complete ignoring of him as if Izuku wasn’t in the room for the following 3 days had felt a bit much.
“That sounds nice, Kacchan”, Izuku lets himself smile at the idea. There’s a moment of silence in which Izuku has the time to assume that Katsuki has passed out. Then,
“I’m coming over.”
“Really?” Izuku asks tiredly, knowing that to be an empty promise.
“Yeah. I’m going fucking crazy thinking about you. I have to see you” , Katsuki says, and judging by the sound of his clumsy, drunken movement, he’s actually standing up.
“Alright then, you know where to find me”, Izuku sighs. Katsuki hangs up.
Izuku tries to get back to his homework. An hour later, he goes to sleep. Alone.
*
Katsuki’s gang has organized a party to celebrate Katsuki's birthday and the beginning of a new school year. Even Izuku is having some drinks, dancing with Uraraka, laughing at Iida who’s nearly having a panic attack over a spilled drink on the carpet. He does his best to avoid looking around in search of Katsuki, but every time he forgets his resolve and steals a glance, Katsuki has his back turned to him. Izuku hasn’t dared to get him even a card: Katsuki has been so aggravated every time Izuku has tried to talk to him while he’s been sober that Izuku is sure Katsuki would blow up whatever he’d hand him without a second thought.
Todoroki is a funny drunk. He is quiet as always, but he has this content smile on his face, his eyes are drooping and he keeps invading everyone’s personal spaces and silently offering them drinks. He’s just done using Kaminari’s shoulder as a head rest in exchange for a cup of punch. Now he sits down next to Izuku, unnecessarily close, handing him a cup, too.
“Hi, Todoroki”, Izuku says smiling, accepting the cup, feeling a little dizzy and amused. Todoroki just smiles at him.
“Are you having fun? It’s nice to wind down a bit after a long week of school and work study— Oh, but I’m not complaining, it will surely be harder when we’re pro heroes! Not that I think Todoroki would struggle, since you’re amazing and handle your quirk so well— I bet you could join any agency you wanted, although I suppose you’re decided on that already, after all it does make sense to carry on the torch— wait, the pun was not intended, was that rude? I didn’t mean to be rude“, Izuku rambles, but Todoroki doesn’t seem to hear him as he droops against Izuku’s shoulder.
“Maybe you should go to bed?” Izuku suggests. Todoroki nods, but doesn’t move. Izuku gets up, holding Todoroki from flopping over and then pulling him to his feet.
“Alright, let’s go”, Izuku says and takes a few seconds to steady himself as he realizes he’s maybe had more than enough to drink himself.
“Is he okay?” Uraraka asks worriedly, appearing in front of them.
“Yeah, I’ll just bring him to his room”, Izuku replies.
“I’ll bring him some water and aspirin”, Uraraka says ruffling Todoroki’s hair affectionately. Todoroki smiles sleepily in appreciation.
*
Izuku had taken a moment to help Todoroki get his pajamas on the right way. Todoroki had been determined to change before bed and made Izuku worry he might strangle himself with his clothes as he wobbled around trying to get his t-shirt off over his head, tripping over his Japanese style tea table. Once having tucked Todoroki safely into his bed, leaving a bucket by his bed and the aspirin and water Uraraka had popped by to bring on his bedside table, Izuku heads back down, wondering if he actually still has the energy to keep going.
At the end of the stairs he’s ambushed by Katsuki.
“He—hey, Kacchan!” Izuku stammers in surprise.
“What was that all about?” Katsuki demands hovering over him, the flush on his cheeks a clear sign he’s had his share of the punch.
“What was what about?” Izuku asks, smiling nervously, not knowing what to expect — it has been a long time since he’s actually seen Katsuki drunk.
“What’s with you and Split Face? Are you going out with him or what?!” Katsuki growls loudly. Izuku takes a step back chuckling nervously and glancing around to see if anyone’s heard them, but Katsuki blocks his view by smashing his palm against the wall next to Izuku’s head and leaning in, noses almost touching.
“Are you?!” Katsuki demands again, looking nearly desperate.
Izuku is about to let out a thorough denial, a ‘no, of course not!’ already on his lips, when he looks up to Katsuki’s demanding, enraged eyes and feels a sudden wave of drunken anger. What right does Katsuki have to make him feel like he’s got to explain himself? What gives Katsuki the right to behave like a jealous boyfriend, when he barely talks to Izuku when he’s sober? He’s tired of Katsuki toying with his heart, it’s unfair and exhausting and Izuku won’t put up with it anymore. He raises his chin defiantly, clenching his hands into fists, and meets Katsuki’s stare coolly.
“What is it to you?” he asks. Katsuki looks beside himself with incredulous rage. He punches the wall next to Izuku’s head. Izuku doesn’t flinch.
“What is it to me ?!” Katsuki repeats, voice rising, “ What is it —“ but he doesn’t finish. Instead, he shakes his head as if to make some sense to the situation.
“You can’t keep doing this to me, Kacchan”, Izuku says quietly, bravely keeping his eyes on Katsuki’s despite his twinging heart, “I can’t take your playing with me anymore”.
Katsuki’s face twists with obvious pain.
“I can’t—“ he starts, but leaves the words hanging again and starts over, “I’m not—“ but he still doesn’t find the words to continue. Izuku forces a smile for him and steps under Katsuki’s arm to walk away — which isn’t all that easy as Izuku has finally reached an adult man’s height — but Katsuki stops him, yelling “WAIT” so loudly that now everyone’s definitely heard him and are watching. Katsuki grabs Izuku’s arm and spins him around. Izuku mentally prepares for a fist fight, but —
Katsuki smashes his face against Izuku’s so hard that it takes Izuku a moment before he realizes that it’s not a headbutt but a kiss . Katsuki’s hands are squeezing his arms unnecessarily tightly and his lips are hard against Izuku’s but it’s still amazing .
Izuku pushes Katsuki away, gasping and looking around, finding everyone frozen, gaping at them. But Katsuki doesn’t even seem to notice. His red eyes are sharper than expected considering the amount he’s had to drink; he’s studying Izuku’s face with fierce expression and furrowed eyebrows, trying to read him, his hands still squeezing Izuku’s arms. Izuku lowers his face bashfully and tugs on Katsuki’s shirt to have him follow out to the terrace. Katsuki, for once, follows without a complaint.
Once having reached a safe distance, Izuku turns to Katsuki, taking a deep breath as he slowly raises his eyes to meet Katsuki’s. Katsuki’s face is sporting a completely different expression now, wiping Izuku’s mind totally blank of all the reasonable lines he’d prepared for Katsuki during their short walk — Katsuki’s expression is soft . He looks down at Izuku with gentle eyes, his face relaxed, just waiting. Izuku has never seen him like this before — finally the face matches the voice on the phone. Izuku’s knees nearly buckle as he feels himself melting under that gaze.
Katsuki takes a step closer to Izuku, slowly lowers his head, places his hands on either side of Izuku’s face and kisses him gently and deeply. It’s not a hungry kiss, it’s not desperate, it’s not demanding — it feels like a whispered apology, like a confession of love, like Katsuki is saying everything he can’t put into words. And finally Izuku believes what he’s being told. He wraps his arms around Katsuki’s neck and pulls him even closer. Katsuki smiles against Izuku’s lips.
*
Izuku hopes everyone’s been too drunk to remember what they’d witnessed last night, but his wish is not granted and he gets to wear a permanent blush for the entirety of the day as his classmates all snicker at the mere sight of him. They pat his shoulder as they pass, ruffle his hair or gently bump his arm. They throw playful comments at him, stuff like “hey, I didn’t know your quirk included the ability to melt stone”, but the comments die down as the day progresses and no one’s seen Katsuki.
Izuku grows nervous, then the nervousness grows into disappointment. He contemplates going to check on Katsuki, but he’s too scared of the possible reception he’d receive. It’s not like he’s surprised — he had been able to see the terror growing in Katsuki’s eyes last night as he’d started to sober, up to the point when he completely started avoiding meeting Izuku’s eyes, saying he was beat and needed to get to sleep before he’d pass out.
Izuku can’t bear to be around the others either, as they start catching on and looking at him with pity, so he escapes back upstairs. He can’t focus on homework and he’s feeling miserable alone, having too much room to dwell inside his head. So he gets up, deciding to go hang out with Todoroki, the only person in the building that hadn’t been a witness to yesterday’s number.
He’s climbing up the stairs and bumps into Kirishima on the 3rd floor landing. Kirishima is fuming.
“I’ve just been to see Bakugou”, he says, “That bastard!” Izuku’s stomach drops.
“So, um… What did you two talk about?” he asks, trying to sound casual but his face is burning and he can’t look Kirishima in the eyes.
“Well, at first I went to make fun of him”, Kirishima says, glancing angrily over his shoulder as if Katsuki is standing behind him, “But he was trying to act like he didn’t know what I was talking about! I asked him why he hadn’t told me about you two and he punched me in the face and started to yell at me!” Kirishima complains, rubbing his reddened cheekbone, “It’s not manly at all to kiss and bolt—“ then turns back to Izuku and panics upon seeing his face: Izuku is fighting hard to hold back the waterworks— in which, famously, he rarely succeeds.
“Hey hey hey, I— I’m sure he’ll come around! He’s probably just having a shitty hangover, you know, don’t worry about it—“ Kirishima assures him, trying to smile encouragingly, all the while desperately looking around for help.
“It’s fine, Kirishima, it was nothing anyway”, Izuku says, putting on a brave smile, “Don’t worry about it, we were just drunk and playing around! I barely even remember what happened…” Izuku walks around Kirishima,
waving at him, but as soon as he turns to the stairs leading up to the fourth floor, his smile falters and he has to take a moment to re-assemble himself.
“That’s right, it was nothing. I’ll block Katsuki’s number and… Avoid him from now on. I knew how it was all along, I’ll just treasure the memory and move on”, he tells himself, bites his teeth and straightens his back as he continues his climb up to the last floor.
Todoroki lets him in without a word. Izuku rambles on about having come to just check that Todoroki was okay seeing his condition last night and how nothing interesting had happened once Todoroki had gone to bed and that in fact Izuku had called it a night soon after.
“I heard about the kiss”, Todoroki says in his calm voice as soon as Izuku pauses to take a breath.
“Oh”, Izuku says sheepishly, taken aback, “You did?”
“And I’m fine. I woke up at six to do a workout.” Izuku just sits there on the tatami, taking a moment to admire Todoroki for his ability to recover that fast, not knowing what to say next. At least Todoroki isn’t giving him that pitying look.
“Did you want to talk about Bakugou?“ Todoroki asks him nonchalantly. Izuku looks at his hands — the hands that had been allowed to be buried in Katsuki’s blonde, rough hair just twelve hours earlier. He clenches his hands into fists once again, forbidding himself mentally from going there.
“Not really”, he says, keeping his eyes on his fists.
They are both silent for a moment, Izuku feverishly trying to find something to say, Todoroki looking perfectly serene and oblivious to the inner turmoil Izuku is in.
“Do you like him?” Todoroki finally asks. Izuku gulps.
“I…” he starts, and suddenly feels a great need to just blurt it out finally, “I hate him for how he’s acting but also… I’m in love with him!” He turns his teary eyes to Todoroki and totally crumbles, wailing like a baby. Todoroki pats him awkwardly on the shoulder, saying “There, there…” as if he’s picked his social interaction skills from a book called ‘How To Act Like A Proper Human for Dummies’, until Izuku’s cries are reduced to quiet sniffs.
They don’t talk about it anymore. Todoroki asks Izuku whether he’s seen the news clip of the fight between Long John and Megabulge last night. Izuku hasn’t, and he’s grateful as Todoroki looks it up on his laptop and starts sharing his observations of the fight tactics displayed.
*
