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This wasn’t something he could go to Tony for. He was a lot better with emotions than he used to be, but this was awkward enough without Tony’s attempts at helping.
He supposed he could go to Aunt May, she’d help him in a heartbeat but ever since his guardianship had been transferred to the Starks, she’d been busy. Peter didn’t begrudge her this, she wanted to make a difference, wanted to help as many people as she could. And she was young. Too young to be trapped with a teenager.
So, while May was an option, she was currently overseas at the moment. Peter wasn’t sure when she’d be back, he’d make sure to ask next time he called.
Which left him with few other options. There was Ned and MJ, which would probably be the best to turn to, but he already had enough confusing emotions entwined with them that he was sure he couldn’t add this on top of it.
There was Natasha or Wanda. But he wasn’t as close to them. Not from lack of trying on their part, it was just Peter had been having trouble with his problem for so long now he didn’t know how to deal with others, so he pushed them away.
So here he was at Pepper’s door. He’d been trying to work up the courage to knock for a solid minute now. Lifting his hand and dropped it again and again.
Rubbing his face in frustration, he knocked before his mind caught up with the action. Bubbles of uneasiness grew larger in his stomach, bursting and bubbling like an overboiled pot.
“Yes? Peter is that you?”
“Uh, yes. Can I come in, if you’re not busy? I can come back.” In the middle of this ramble, Pepper opened the door, her eyes bright as she took him in, a soft smile gracing her lips.
“Come in sweety, are you alright? Do you need anything?” She pulled into the room and sat on one side of the bed while he took a seat at her makeup vanity.
The light from the morning lit the room in a warm glow, Peter took a second to relish in the beauty of the moment. Here he was high above the city he loved, surrounded by people that loved him and who he loved. It was almost a shame to break the tranquillity with his problem.
“I need help.” He finally said.
Pepper stayed up abruptly from her relaxed position, concern tracing her features.
Peter cut her off before she could start, aware of where his hasty words probably led her thoughts. “It is not life-threatening, not superhero related. It is not even that important, I shouldn’t bother you with it, I’ll just go,” he said, rising to his feet, courage fleeing.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Pepper said rising to her feet as well, coming over to sit with Peter at the vanity, pulling the teen down with her. “Anything that’s got you this stressed is important. I want to know anything that concerns you, Peter.” She cascaded her hand through his curls, he always seemed to calm whenever she or Tony did it.
“I want to. I think I might. I’m.” Peter started again and again. His lip trembled, hands shaking. This was harder than he thought it’d be. He had planned out what he’d say, thought of every direction the conversation could go to. Prepared for everything. Just not for the words to not want to leave his lips.
Maybe if he explained enough, she’d understand.
“When I was little, I knew I was different. It wasn’t always but sometimes, I wasn’t me. Or I was a different me.” He peeked at her, her brows were furrowed, concerned and watching him. “Okay too, vague. I don’t know how to tell you. I want to but I’ve kept it a secret for so long. Mum and Dad, I think they knew, but I was little they probably thought I was just being a kid. Maybe. I don’t know.”
Peter fell into silence. This wasn’t going how he planned it to. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. The panic in his stomach was raging against his insides. Tears stung his eyes.
“I’m scared. But I can’t be like this anymore.”
“I’ll help you with anything Peter. Anything. I promise. I don’t care if I got to fight the Avengers and Tony myself, if I have it within my power to help you and it is not harmful to you, I’ll do whatever I can. I love you.” She leant into him, wanting to draw him into her arms.
Peter bit the inside of his cheeks, knees shaking.
Now all he had to do was tell her.
Peter swung around on the chair until he faced the vanity instead of the room. Pepper still had out her makeup, perfumes lined the length of the mirror. A small jewellery box was laid out, and a set of pearl drop earrings sat nestled in the velvet.
He picked up the lipstick from where it lay and twisted it in his hands. It was pale pink. Not Peter’s favourite shade. He bent forward picking through the available shades until he found one, he liked. Pepper remained silent throughout this.
“I think I’d look nice with this shade,” he finally ventured. “I’ve tried a few but I’m not very good.”
“Oh.” Pepper suddenly understood, or at least, where this was going. Pepper plucked the lipstick from his fidgeting hands looking at it critically before glancing up at Peter. “I’m not sure this is your shade.” She finally spoke.
The air rushed out from behind his clenched teeth. That hadn’t been what he thought she’d say. She picked through the colours again and pulled a similar shade, but it was richer. “This is a nice shade for you, I think.”