Chapter Text
It wasn’t like you needed to do this. There’s no real reason that you do, you guess. Stacking up these piles of chips in your closet like you’re gonna be monorails with Frito Lay himself isn’t really the end goal. Still, here you are, one bag of Doritos away from your stash becoming a hoard. Yeah, your stash is growing up. It’s gonna be struggling to walk soon, the world’s most processed baby toddling around on legs made from grease and preservatives.
So no, you don’t need to do this. But you do. In some ironic shittwist you now ape what you used to do back in Texas like a fuckin—broken record. There’s Dave Strider, chilliest motherfucker on this damn rock, stocking up on Doritos like nobody’s business. Everything is fine.
It’s not like you’ll ever eat the damn things either. Whenever you actually want dusty cheese triangles you usually alchemize them fresh. Or as fresh as game-construct Doritos on a meteor going lightspeed in paradox space can be.
But you’ve gotta store them. Otherwise—and your brain stalls. Nope, no, sir, do not pass go, do not win the Stanley Cup, do not corner kick the basketball, you’re so thoroughly done with this line of thought that you can’t even remember what you were thinking about.
Fuck, maybe you should track down Rose or somebody. If you hang around yourself any longer your internal monologue is going to be less of a monologue and more of an incoherent slurry of plausible denial and curdling cheese dust.
Rose is probably busy though, you think as you get to your feet. Fuck, did your back just crack? It’s been a couple weeks since you picked up your sword but it hasn’t been that long, jegus. Not like you’re going to do anything about it but damn, the game being paused has made you a fucking loser.
Yeah, no, it’s time to find your sister.
Not like there’s any other marginally tolerable company on this goddamn stupid space rock. Unless you wanna go murderclown hunting with batshit trolls, hang around a lightbulb your sister’s flying around like a moth, or annoy the most cantankerous motherfucker you’ve ever met, the options are pretty limited.
TG: rose im bored
TT: And? I regret to inform you I don’t know how that’s any of my business
TG: ok youre being a fuck of a lot more snippy than usual
TG: and i dont use snippy lightly like holy shit rose
TG: scissors wish they had the same levels of snip as you
TG: somebody call the cops your local hairdresser’s trusty shears just fucking keeled over and died because they could never be as snippy as you
TG: the hairdresser is bawling their eyes out or maybe thats because of all the goddamn hair everywhere from those shears’ pre-death mental breakdown we'll never know
TG: or at least thats what i think went down i dont know ive never been to the fucking hairdressers
TT: Did you have a point or was this just an elaborate ruse to paint my screen in red?
TG: bold of you to assume everything i do isn’t an elaborate ruse to get you to accept that red is in fact the raddest color
TG: but yeah i did have a point
TG: im bored and youre snippy
TT: Well, maybe if you actually talked to me once since we got on this meteor,
TT: Instead of worrying me out of my mind and only coming out of your room when everyone else is presumably asleep,
TT: I wouldn’t be quite so fucking snippy.
TG: rose no
TG: you dont have to worry about me im chill
TG: everythings fine
TG: the fine o meter has just fucking exploded from how fine everything is
TT: Right, because avoiding everyone for weeks right after going on a suicide mission is a clear, textbook indication that everything is going perfectly lovely.
TG: yeah more or less thats what i said in purple
TT: Dave, do you not understand why I’d be worried?
TT: We died together, and then lost half of our friends for three years
TT: We’re now stuck on a meteor hurtling through space with an alien species, most of whom, I may remind you, are actual murderers
TT: Heading toward a battle with Jack in a new session we have neither seen nor heard from.
TT: And as soon as we get here, you fucking disappear?
TT: I know we didn’t grow up together, and the societal implications of family didn’t fall upon us until recently, but I think it is quite possible that I was worried for my fucking brother.
TG: uh
TG: woah
TT: …
TG: …
TG: okay im gonna be a hundred percent honest
TG: drop the irony for like a minute to serve you this fresh steaming plate of honesty
TG: are you ready
TG: would drop the cool too but we both know that’s impossible
TT: …
TG: okay okay im getting there relax
TG: what i was going to say was
TG: i have no fucking idea how to respond to that
TT: What the hell.
TG: okay wait no i can see you typing calm yourself i still have more to say
TG: and youre contractually obliged by
TG: i dont fucking know the sacred laws of siblinghood or whatever
TG: not to psychoanalyze me on the potentially ripe fires im about to spit
TT: Dave, if you so much as utter a single line of rap at me right now, I swear to god.
TG: no no
TG: shoosh only honesty now
TT: Dave.
TG: fine
TG: when i grew up in texas
TG: this was fucking fine
TG: like the not seeing each other shit
TG: bro and i would pretty much do our own things until he wanted to strife or something
TG: and that was pretty much the way things were
TG: and it was fine
TG: so i genuinely and honestly didnt know that youd worry
TG: to be honest its a little bit of a fucking surprise to me
TG: and like im sorry you worried but thats just what normal is to me
TT: That’s not really an apology but I’ll be generous and accept it anyway.
TT: Thank you.
TT: Now that that necessary and yet horrifying moment of sincerity is past, I do believe you were saying you were bored?
TG: oh yeah im all up in boreds grill. if i get any more ennui im gonna do an acrobatic fucking pirouette right off of boreds handle
TG: itll be beautiful and tragic
TG: anyway where are you i wanna bother you in person actually see the muscles in your face twitch as you fail miserably not to laugh at the shit i say
TG: thats right rose i know your secret you think im cool
TG: well dont worry because its not even your opinion its just the immutable truth of the universe
TG: lightspeed is really fucking fast and dave strider is cool the two laws of thermodynamics
TG: i know theres more than that but theyre all irrelevant because of my coolness
TG: anyway that got out of hand where are you
TT: In the common room with Kanaya. You could stand to interact with more of the trolls.
TG: okay see you in ten