In Your Eyes

by TheyDontBurnLikeUs_27

Summary:

So the thing is, Robby Keene is actually the fucking sun and apparently he’s just blind because he didn’t notice before. But ever since he and Robby hooked up for the first time in a crappy motel in Mexico he can’t get the light out of his head. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that the sun is on fire, burning itself up to give others light. Other times Robby makes him remember.

Notes:

So the advantage of writing a long story was that I had enough time to come up with a summary and title I actually liked ☺️

Also I posted a bunch of tags to start with but I’ll be adding the ones that are bigger spoilers as I post so watch the tags for things that could be triggering to you in later chapters!

Chapter 1: I just pretend, uh, that I'm in the dark

Sometimes he wonders what Johnny would think if he were to check on Robby for some reason in the middle of the night and saw them like this. Because he looks so soft, his hair falling across the pillowcase and his slightly flushed cheeks. It’s longer than he’d thought it would be when it’s not combed away from his face and he looks so different from how he looks during the day. It’s like by the time the sun goes down he no longer has the energy to put up walls and he’s just vulnerable and tired.

Would Johnny be more shocked by how sweet and gentle Robby looks right now or the fact that the two of them were naked in bed together? Probably the second one, although he’d actually found the opposite true. When they first did this, after he found Robby sitting on the beach in front of the motel with a bag of ice held to the black eye Miguel had just given him he wasn’t expecting the sharp regret that he felt upon seeing him all dejected and alone after Johnny had patched him up in their room while listening to Metallica.

Robby had acted so differently, almost too tired to fight even as they argued back and forth and when he’d tried to grab Robby’s wrist to pull him back they’d somehow ended up kissing aggressively which led to being naked in bed twenty minutes later with Robby moaning around his dick as he sucked sloppily. He’s pretty sure that even if he’d had a blow job before Robby’s eagerness would’ve surpassed any actual skill someone could have had. And he’s gotten considerably better at it since then.

But it hadn’t been weird or uncomfortable, it hadn’t even felt surprising. In the oddest way it felt more like it was always going to happen, not meant to be or anything like that, just like the tension was there and this was a much more fun way of dealing with it than getting in fights.

But he doesn’t like Robby or anything, he’s just really good in bed and he loves to please and it’s endearing and altogether more surprising than the fact that they’d sleep together in the first place. Robby likes to be told what to do and he likes it when Miguel tells him how pretty he is and how good he is and he actually looks sad when he leaves every morning.

It’s a bit intoxicating really, to be wanted like that.

But he doesn’t like him like him, not in like a romantic way. In fact prior to whatever alternate reality he fell into when he ran away to Mexico he’d never really thought about guys like that at all, he still doesn’t to be honest. He thinks guys are hot sometimes but he most certainly doesn’t feel attracted to them the same way he does with girls, except Robby but that just kind of makes sense because Robby is unusually hot to start with and he spreads his legs for him every night which generally increases a person’s attractiveness.

Speaking of Robby stirs in his arms, whimpering slightly as he presses his naked body back to seek comfort. He has nightmares sometimes and wakes up crying and unable to speak but this isn’t quite that level of distress and he settles down as soon as Miguel grabs his ass, pulling him closer. Robby curls up under his chin and throws a leg over his thigh so they’re as close together as they could possibly be. He smells like the ocean and his hair is still damp from the rain coming down outside, lips parted slightly as small puffs of warm air fan across his throat.

He tightens his grip around Robby’s waist drawing little shapes on the v of his hips, he hums softly in his sleep and the distressed look from earlier is gone. It really makes him feel special to know that he can calm Robby down like this because he’s seen enough of his interactions with other people to know he doesn’t let anyone see him like this. Sometimes he wonders why he does let Miguel see him like this, a little voice in the back of his head thinks that maybe Robby just believes he owes it to him or something.

Not that it matters, they’re not like together or anything, just friends with benefits. Sometimes he doesn’t even know if they are friends, but it doesn’t really matter because it’s just sex and maybe a little comfort for Robby afterward because he get’s so sensitive and doesn’t sleep well by himself.

It’s the least he can do.

Chapter 2: I don't regret 'cause my heart can't take a loss

Notes:

Poor babies they’re both afraid of rejection 🥺

Robby has been butting heads with Johnny all day which is really fucking annoying but what’s more annoying is that his bad mood is sticking around even now that they’re alone. He’s angry and restless and not even the ocean is soothing him which is bizarre because he has a bit of a thing for the ocean.

“Are you okay?” he asks distractedly as Robby paces up and down the beach, his unbuttoned shirt flapping in the breeze. He shakes his head distractedly “I just need-” he chokes on the words, distress clear on his face as he clenches his fists. The sun hasn’t even gone down yet but he looks a bit frantic.

“Come here,” he says sternly and Robby relaxes slightly at his tone, practically collapsing into his arms. He’s shocked by this movement and his harsh breathing “tell me what’s wrong,” he demands, pushing Robby back and holding his shoulders. He sometimes worries he’s being too harsh but Robby always responds well to him taking charge “My mom called me today, she’s been out of rehab for the last two weeks and she wanted me to stay with her when we got back I think I just-” Robby stops talking abruptly and kisses him.

He licks into his mouth frantically and Miguel grabs the back of Robby’s shirt, pulling him off. He can see Robby cringe at the rejection and his beautiful green eyes well with tears. “Sorry,” he mumbles, wiping at his face. He flinches at Robby’s reaction, he should have known better than to do anything that might be perceived as a rejection, however slight. “It’s fine baby I’m not upset but it’s light out and we don’t want anyone to see.” He nods but his green eyes are unfocused. His heart throbs as he takes in Robby’s devastated expression “She relapsed I guess?” He phrases it like it’s a question but it’s clearly not and he looks so torn up over it.

Robby’s always a bit weird about sex, like he clearly likes it but it’s also really intense for him in a way that makes the thought of leaving afterward devastating. But that’s a good type of vulnerability, the type that’s like all the soft edges Robby usually hides under disinterest and sharp words. All of those things that fall away when they’re together, but right now Robby isn’t vulnerable in that soft, wide-eyed, eager to please way. Instead he’s vulnerable like his skin’s been scraped off and he’s just trying to lessen the pain.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, cupping Robby’s jaw and turning his face toward him “do you want to go to the room? We can tell your dad we’re watching a movie or something, he’ll be excited enough that we’re spending time together to leave us alone.” To his surprise Robby shakes his head.

“I don’t think I can do anything right now, I’m sorry.” He looks so pleading and scared, scared to tell him no, and he’d wondered if maybe Robby just felt like he owed this to him because of their history and he hadn’t wanted to admit how much the thought bothered him. Now faced with a reaction that promotes that insecurity he finds himself feeling a bit like he’s going to throw up.

“You don’t have to do anything, you know that right? You never have to do anything you don’t want to.” If he’d expected Robby to be relieved he’s clearly wrong because his eyes widen and he shakes his head “No! I love what we do, I don't- I’m just really tired tonight?” He looks so miserable that Miguel’s heart aches painfully.

“I didn’t mean sex, we can actually just watch a movie if you want?” Robby’s lips part in surprise and he smiles a tiny bit, just a quirk of his lips and an almost imperceptible nod. “Okay c’mere,” he says softly, holding his hand out to Robby and leading him to the hotel room. He has his own room while Miguel had opted to stay with Johnny in what was originally an effort to make Robby jealous and is now just another regretted decision. Not that it matters since he sleeps in Robby’s room every night anyway.

When they get to the room Robby climbs up on his bed and scoots closer to the wall like he’s uncertain if Miguel will want to touch him. He does want to touch Robby, he always wants to touch Robby. “C-can I take my clothes off? I d-don’t want to do anything I just thought- nevermind it’s stupid…” Robby trails off, looking down at his hands, cheeks bright red.

He can’t help smiling a bit at how nervous Robby is considering all the things they’ve done together. “Of course you can take them off, whatever makes you feel better. Do you care if I take mine off as well?” Robby nods but he still looks uncomfortable “You don’t have to say yes.” He adds quickly.

“I don’t mind if you take off your clothes. I just don’t want to let you down, w-we can do whatever you want tomorrow?” Robby offers hesitantly and he sighs in response “We don’t have to have sex to be together you know,” Robby looks up in surprise, his hair is rumpled from taking off his shirt “Really? I didn’t think you liked me that much.”

He can’t help but feel like he’s been hit by a bus, Robby doesn’t sound offended or upset, just surprised and that breaks his heart a little bit more than it probably should. It’s just a hookup it’s not- he’s not supposed to have feelings for him- he can’t not after Sam.

“Of course I like you, we’re friends right?” Robby nods a bit sadly but offers him a half smile “friends with benefits?” he adds and Miguel nods in response, unable to interpret Robby’s odd look no matter how hard he tries.

He watches him finish stripping down to his boxers and follows suit, sneaking a few glances as Robby reveals his soft pale skin and hard muscles. He follows Robby’s lead and keeps his boxers on as he flips through the TV, finding a telenovela to put on in the background.

Robbby stays on his side of the bed until he slides back under the covers and guides him close, he sort of melts into it the way he always does. He wonders if that touch starved desperation will ever go away or if Robby will always be pliable and soothed by his touch, it might make him a horrible person but he hopes it doesn’t.

Robby curls up against his chest and wraps his arms awkwardly around his waist, humming when Miguel brings him closer. He looks so small and unsure and he keeps messing with his phone case like he’s waiting for a message from his mom. “You’re so good for me baby,” he tries and Robby’s eyes flutter shut at the praise even as he twists his fingers in the sheets over Miguel’s lap.

It’s not just a sex thing then, “You’re always so good for me, and you did so good telling me your boundaries sweetheart. I don’t ever want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.” Robby sniffles and buries his nose in Miguel’s neck, he’s clearly out of it and it’s kind of flattering to know that even though he’s been betrayed so many times Miguel’s voice is enough for Robby to zone out completely.

“Oh,” Robby says against his neck “this is kind of nice, we haven’t ever done this before.” His first instinct is to protest because surely that’s not true but the more he thinks about it the more it is.

They’ve only ever cuddled after sex and Robby had soaked up every bit of attention he’d given him.
“We can do it again, even without sex you know- if you just need to be close.” Robby looks up at him a little surprised before burying his face back in Miguel’s neck. “Okay, I’d like that.”

His heart clenches in his chest, he’s in way over his head with Robby fucking Keene and he doesn’t care as much as he probably should.

Notes:

Yay another chapter!!! I’m going to try and update every 2-3 days but sometimes it might be a little longer or shorter so bare with me ☺️

Chapter 3: I'd rather be so oblivious

He freaks out considerably more the next day when he wakes up to Robby’s warm partially clothed body pressed against him. And he might be able to explain away the cuddling when it’s post sex but he’d taken a step last night he hadn’t thought about and he’s panicking a little bit.

The worst part is that taking care of Robby has become a unintended though not unpleasant part of their little nightly hookups and he’s fucking failing right now. He’d told him they could hang out without sex and for the two nights since then had turned his back on Robby the second they were done fucking.

He feels like absolute shit because he knows he’s taking advantage and being a complete dick even though it was clear from the beginning that this was something very intimate and fragile for Robby. He’d fucked him two nights now and bit down the urge to praise him before pulling out as soon as he finished even though he knew Robby couldn’t bear being empty so quickly.

He’d even gone as far as turning his back on Robby while they slept and pretending he couldn’t hear him crying into the pillow. He’s thoroughly convinced that he’s the most horrible person to ever live because how the fuck is this his reaction to realizing he’s in love with someone? He’s hurting Robby so bad and he can’t seem to stop.

The worst part is that Robby lets him.

And speaking of Robby, he’s curled up in the backseat of Johnny’s car wrapped in a sweatshirt of Miguels with headphones on and his face tucked away in his arms. Just looking at him these last two days has made him nauseous but he can’t stop panicking, not after Sam and how things kept falling apart.

First it was him hitting her which was clearly an accident and he’d felt fucking awful about to start with (though he still thinks that wasn’t entirely his fault considering that Sam jumped in front of a punch and all.) Then all the drama with the school fight and Robby eventually getting out of juvy to weathering the karate war and finally their messy post tournament break up via Johnny’s phone.

He just needs to figure out a better way to handle his emotions without hurting Robby and he needs to apologize tonight.

Knowing all of this realistically doesn’t make talking to Sensei about it easier, especially considering they’re not in the best place right now. He’s irrationally worried that Johnny will know who he’s talking about no matter how unobservant he is, which doesn’t stop him from asking.

“Sensei, have you ever wished you could stop liking someone?” he’s not sure what answer he’s expecting but Johnny just looks weirdly contemplative “I guess I felt that way about Ali when I realized she wasn’t going to choose me. But if this is about some Mexican chick it’s not worth the broken heart.” Johnny chuckles, and pats his knee.

“What if it wasn’t about some Mexican chick?” he asks nervously, for a second Johnny’s quiet then; “If it’s someone who would choose you don’t screw it up.” And okay that’s actually kind of useful, he didn’t expect it to be but it kind of is. Which leaves only one question, would Robby choose him?

He thinks of how he goes boneless everytime Miguel touches him and how he loses himself in any praise he’s offered. He seems comfortable with him so he might as well ask and pray he hasn’t screwed up badly enough in the last two days to ruin whatever trust they’ve built. And if everything goes to shit they can just ignore each other when they get back home and no one will ever know which is a pretty solid plan.

Fuck now he just has to figure out how to tell Robby.

Notes:

Don’t hate me too much, things will better I promise!

Chapter 4: I'd rather be with you

In retrospect he can see how telling Robby he loved him for the first time while his cock was buried in the other boy’s ass might not have been his best decision, especially considering the details of their relationship and how badly he’s treated him the last two days.

But he’d gone out of his way to praise Robby tonight and he’d been so desperate and vulnerable and needy in response and he’d just wanted him to know how much he meant to him, obviously that’s not how it came across and now Robby is curled up with his back to him trembling slightly and he feels a bit disgusted with himself.

“Robby-” he tries again, reaching a hand out to touch Robby’s shoulder. He flinches violently and curls up smaller, it’s so- he still has trouble equating these behaviors with the Robby he’s always seen, all fiery and fiercely independent and ready to fight.

It’s not like he’s a different person now, that fire is still there especially during the day but it’s not as bright and that scares him because Robby has always shone, even when it was because he was burning.

Now he looks subdued and maybe a little afraid, sheets clenched in his fists and lips pressed shut. He’s never really looked broken before the last three days and now he wonders if he just never noticed or if he’d hurt Robby badly enough to shatter some internal balance.

He obviously likes to be submissive in bed and sure he’s got a huge praise kink (although calling it a kink seems weird because it’s clearly not just a sex thing) and is overall the most touch starved person he’d ever met but they all have their things right?

He likes being in charge as much as Robby likes not having to be and he fucking loses it when he knows he’s making Robby feel good so clearly that road goes both ways and he’s maybe not ready to examine why he likes being needed so much.

But all of that was okay, the soft vulnerability is clearly something Robby needs, something he needs. But this silence from the other side of the bed is so different from Robby’s normal post sex babbling when he tries to get words out and can’t quite manage, there’s none of the sweetness he’s come to treasure in these moments. Whatever he’s thinking is something darker and it kind of fucking scares him.

“Robby baby I’m sorry can we just-” Robby shakes his head again, climbing out of bed and pulling on his discarded shirt. His cum is dripping out of Robby, smeared on his thighs and he just wants him to lay down on the bed so he can go get a washcloth and clean him up and tuck him in.

“I just need- I have to go.” He mutters, looking three seconds away from collapsing as he manages to pull on some board shorts. “This is your hotel room, I can leave-” he starts, trying to figure out how the fuck to respond to this. Why does he have to ruin everything?

Robby ignores him and he’s out the door in three seconds, steps unsteady as he stumbles out into the storm. He buries his face in Robby’s pillow which still smells like him and fights the urge to scream.

It takes him an embarrassing fifteen seconds to realize there’s no fucking chance of Robby going to Johnny’s room and that if that isn’t his plan he doesn’t have a fucking clue what is. He runs to the stairs but Robby is long gone dressed in only shorts and a t-shirt wandering off into what’s quickly becoming a tropical storm, clearly emotional and in a country where he barely speaks the language. His beat up converse sit in front of the TV.

He really really screwed this up.

Notes:

I really wanted to write something Halloween themed but I didn’t manage time properly so it didn’t happen 😐

On the bright side that means I updated this sooner than I would’ve otherwise.

Things will get better soon.

Chapter 5: When it's said, when it's done, yeah

He gets Johnny which is either the stupidest or smartest thing he’s ever done, he’s sure Robby will let him know when they find him, if they find him. Fuck he should really be more careful about how he acts around Robby because he needs more stability in his life. What he doesn’t need is another half formed relationship where he has no say and just drinks up any affection he can get while it lasts.

Robby needs someone to make a commitment to him and see it through and he feels like he’s finally in a place where he can do that. With Sam it was like, they really cared about each other but the timing had never been right, they’d always had something that was more important than each other. Both of them had known it but they’d tried to force it anyway, again and again and again and he thinks they could have been good together if things had been different but with Robby everything just makes sense and he needs to find him and tell him that.

In the end they scour half of the tiny town before he realizes that of course he knows where Robby is and tells Johnny he’s gonna check the beach before disappearing off down the little grassy trail to the ocean.

He thinks maybe he’ll see Robby hunched over on the sand with his head between his knees but instead he’s standing a good distance out from the shore with the water up to his pecs and his head tossed back, eyes on the sky.

He’s really glad there’s no lightning yet as he scrambles down the cliff path, ignoring the way the rocks slip out from under his feet to clatter down to the beach below. Thank god Robby hadn’t fallen. He briefly considers calling the other boy's name but it would be pretty pointless.

Clearly Robby can’t hear him over the storm but he still can’t help but wonder how Robby is comfortable like this, chest deep in the ocean alone at night in the rain. Saltwater laps at his toes and he doesn’t even want to take one step into the tumultuous water. But Robby’s there so naturally he does it anyway.

He also has a thing about the ocean but while Robby’s thing is some weird obsession his is that it fucking terrifies him. He doesn’t care about sitting on the beach watching the water but Robby is rarely content with that, always wanting to jump into the waves.

But everytime he sees the water spreading out endlessly and so deep all he can think of is all the people and secrets and ships that have been swallowed by the sea. He doesn’t know what salvation Robby finds in the ocean, it’s always felt like a collection of lost things to him- haunted. Which doesn’t stop him from wading in up to his waist like he can reach for Robby.

“Robby, please can we talk!” He yells over the storm taking note of the way his eyes widen in surprise as he turns. “What are you doing here? You hate the ocean.” The lack of immediate rejection is enough that when he finally gets close enough he pulls Robby into his arms.

“I’m sorry- so so sorry I shouldn’t have said it like that.” Robby shoves him off and now he looks angry “You shouldn’t have said it at all! You had n-no right,” he doesn’t know what to do with this. Robby’s green eyes are blazing and rainwater drips down his face.

He doesn’t think he’s crying but his voice breaks “Why would you tell me that? I d-don’t understand.” He adds and Miguel doesn’t know what to say because he doesn’t understand either. “It’s not funny Miggy that was like a shitty thing to joke about especially then I mean- this is my fault. I shouldn’t have trusted you right? I deserve this after what I did to you but did you have to say that while you were inside me like I was some little b-bitch?” Okay he really screwed this up, like way more than he’d thought and his voice is rough when he mutters a quiet “fuck,” under his breath.

He wants to beg Robby to go back to shore but it feels important that they don’t do this on his terms so he keeps his mouth shut. Robby however can’t seem to shut up, rambling awkwardly in a way that’s so out of character. “I get it okay I hurt you and I am so so sorry but please just- you can hate me I understand but please don’t be nice to me if this is how you really feel- just don’t lie to me about that- anything else, you can do anything else you need to get closure but please don’t say that…”

He can actually feel his heart breaking, he’d known Robby was insecure about their relationship which was on him since he’d continually reinforced the idea that it was just sex but his reaction to being told he was loved- no one should ever experience this much hysteria over it, had he even stopped for a split second to consider it was genuine?
He hadn’t and that lands like a blow to the stomach.

“Robby,” he says loudly, gripping the boy's shoulders and running a hair up his neck to twist his fingers in Robby’s hair “Hey look at me.” Robby responds instantly to his command, turning flat green eyes to his. “I love you,” Robby’s eyes well up with tears and he tries to pull away “I love you so much and it took me by surprise too but I want to be with you,” Robby squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head “please don’t-”

“You don’t have to say yes to me about anything ever but I want to be with you- please believe me.” He adds, stroking Robby’s cheeks that are wet with rain and tears even as his chest heaves “I don’t want- I can’t- You said you’d, you p-promised to take care of me and I messed up so much and you were so upset. I d-don’t want to-” Robby can’t seem to get the words out, as he tries to tear himself away from Miguel’s grip.

He wants to hold on more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life but Robby’s shoulders are wet with saltwater and rain and when he tries to pull away again his soaked t-shirt slides through Miguel’s fingers and Robby stumbles backward, his whole body going under. For a second all he feels is panic but then Robby is resurfacing coughing and sputtering and gripping onto him out of habit.

“Don’t do that! You scared me, Jesus Robby can we please go home- back to the hotel? Please, I just want to talk.” Robby looks hesitant and stares out at the water as thunder echoes out over the waves. Finally he nods but he looks numb, detached. He leaves his hand where Robby could hold it easily but he ignores it, tucking his hands under his armpits like he’s cold.

He very well might be considering he’d been out there for at least an hour in the pouring rain, Robby starts off down the beach in the opposite direction, leading him to a well hidden path through a few trees and right back to the hotel. He remembers the sketchy cliff path he’d found and the heavy knot of fear in his stomach at the thought of Robby falling, meanwhile he’d walked like forty five yards on flat mossy ground between a few trees.

When they get back inside Robby sits down on the floor without even getting a towel and he shifts awkwardly, shooting Johnny a quick text saying he’d found Robby and they were going to work it out in his hotel room since he’d told the man they were just arguing and that’s why Robby left. He wants to dry off but it seems like- yeah he really can’t leave Robby alone right now.

“I want to be with you,” he repeats and Robby flinches again and shakes his head “I’m sorry for whatever I did please just stop, please I’ll do anything else I j-just don’t want you to be angry at me anymore,” He mutters quietly, green eyes huge and full of anguish as he wraps his arms around his knees and buries his face in them.

His heart aches so much it’s almost unbearable and he doesn’t even want to know how Robby feels. “Hey look at me baby-” he starts, trying to ignore the way Robby flinches and bites his lip at the term of endearment that usually has him moaning and blushing. “Robby can you tell me why you think I’m mad at you and if you thought that the whole time or-”

He sniffles and wipes his nose on the corner of his sopping t-shirt “I know you don’t like me okay? I’m not stupid. I just t-thought that I was making you feel good, that you liked that at least. I don’t know what I d-did to m-make you angry, if you heard me on the phone or something but I’m sorry. Can’t we just go back to how things were before? You can just pretend you don’t know how I feel about you and we can still do this at least-”

He kneels down carefully in front of Robby, ignoring the dull ache in his lower back as he cups the boy's cheeks, his green eyes are desperate and distrustful but he still turns his cheek into the palm of Miguel’s hand, leaning into the touch. He’d always thought Robby’s neediness and desperation to be touched were endearing and hot and he loved giving him that but this is the first time he’d stopped to think about why Robby wanted affection badly enough to accept it from his mortal enemy. Someone who he knew at the time had a feud against him, someone who had a reason to hurt him. And he knows Robby well enough at this point to figure out the answer to that, because he’d wanted it that badly.

“I wasn’t angry at you Robby, I was afraid because when I woke up and you were sleeping on my chest in your boxers and you looked so pretty-” Robby shudders at the word, his eyes fluttering shut, “It was the first time I couldn’t explain away my feelings by saying it was just sex and I panicked, I’m so sorry for hurting you, I never wanted to hurt you.” When Robby opens his eyes again there’s the smallest glimmer of hope there and it’s the first time since he said it that Robby’s considering believing him.

“But I hurt you first, so badly- even if it was an accident- how could you ever forgive that?” He asks sadly, like Miguel has somehow forgotten their history and that this reminder will what- change his mind? Is that what Robby’s afraid of? “I never blamed you for what happened, I mean don’t get me wrong I was furious with you but I didn’t blame you- how many times did I kick you against that banister? It could’ve been you as easily as it was me and I knew that.” Robby looks surprised, like the fact that someone wouldn’t blame him for this was incomprehensible, and maybe it was.

But he wasn’t lying when he said he never blamed Robby, he’d been furious- hated him even, but he’d never blamed him.

“You said you thought I heard you on the phone- what were you…” he trails off and Robby bites his lip hesitantly “I was talking to Tory after you left that morning, I just told her that I had a crush on you and when you were mad the next night I thought you must’ve heard me. And you d-didn’t hold me or kiss me or tell me I was g-good so I figured I’d screwed everything up again. Did I not screw everything up?” He asks quietly, desperately.

“No Robby you didn’t do anything wrong, I took advantage of you and treated you badly because I was afraid and I’m so sorry- I hope you can forgive me for that and consider being my boyfriend.” Robby’s eyes widen “you’re not joking are you?” he whispers, looking questioningly at him, he shakes his head.

“Does this mean we’re going to date properly and not just have sex?” He smiles at how happy Robby looks, even if he’s still biting on his lip to suppress the smile “Yeah baby that’s what it means. From now on we do things at your pace, if you just want to go on dates and not sleep together anymore I’d understand-” Robby looks at him like he’s crazy, “I still want to have sex with you, just maybe go on dates too.”

He smiles at Robby and kisses his wet cheek then his lips, tilting his chin up “I love you,” he whispers and Robby smiles softly, hesitantly against his mouth.

Notes:

I had no idea how nerve wracking it would be to post this fic after working on it for so long! But I hope everyone enjoys it and the slightly happier ending of this chapter.

Chapter 6: I don't ever wanna know

Notes:

In case anyone is curious Robby is definitely reading Heartstopper and Lore 😂

One thing he’s learned about Robby in the last week since they finally made things official is that Robby loves to read, he feels stupid for not realizing it sooner but he just hadn’t thought about how Robby was using his time during the day when he wasn’t with him and Johnny.

He’d only brought three books with him which he’d admitted to reading several times since they’ve been here and other than that he’s been reading some Webtoon comics he claims Sam got him addicted too.

It’s kind of funny because he’d never stopped to wonder what Robby did when he wasn’t practicing karate, despite thinking of him often. Now he learns that Robby likes to read, skateboard, draw, and program computers which he’s tried to explain several times already to no avail. He’s actually convinced Robby is a genius, he’s got a 3.8 GPA but apparently Robby had a 4.7 while skipping school and selling drugs as well which is insane.

He’s weirdly modest about it, saying that he just likes to read and that math isn’t as hard as people make it out to be anyway. The funniest part is that he doesn’t say it in a patronizing way, he just genuinely believes that it’s not that big of a deal.

Currently he and Robby are in the backseat of Johnny’s car and Robby has his seatbelt unbuckled so he can lay across the seats with his head in Miguel’s lap. If Johnny has noticed the change in their behavior he doesn’t mention it which is nice because he really doesn’t want Robby to get all spooked again. He’d slowly been coming to terms with the fact that yes, Miguel actually likes him, even if he still seemed to struggle with the concept for whatever reason.

He hadn’t exactly said anything but he could tell Robby was worried about him wanting their relationship to be secret- which he didn’t- so he’d gone out of his way to be somewhat touchy with Robby in public. It seemed to make him happy though he still responded with visible desperation to Miguel’s affection, it was like there was something Robby needed that he didn’t want to ask for and he couldn’t figure out what it might be.

He’d spent most of the last week trying to figure out how he could show Robby affection in front of his dad without outing him. He’s not actually sure if Robby cares that Johnny knows he’s bi, their only conversation about it had been centered around the casual homophobia in Robby’s house as a kid, so he’s trying not to do anything that couldn’t be explained away and leaving it up to Robby.

He’s not super worried about coming out to Sensei- if Johnny is still his Sensei- but either way it’s not a concern for him. Because he understands Robby’s term ‘casual homophobia’ it actually explains Johnny’s behavior pretty damn well because he clearly doesn’t have any actual issue with gay people he’s just the worlds biggest idiot and had a shitty upbringing. He’s gotten better at trying to be ‘woke’ as more of his students admitted to mental illnesses and came out to him because contrary to popular belief he’s not trying to be an asshole- he just kind of is? Miguel’s trying to help him work through it.

There’d even been a couple times that were funny, like when Hawk came into the dojo with a blue, purple, and pink dye job as a way of coming out and Johnny hadn’t been able to figure out why people kept congratulating him.

Then there was Aisha who had shocked Johnny when she casually came out to him by saying she was going on a date with a girl from school. Finally there was the time a week ago when Eli had left him a fucking text message saying he was dating Demetri and Moon and could he please explain polyamory to Johnny? So yeah he’d kind of started adjusting a little.

But he still says a lot of shit and he really doesn’t want him to piss off Robby or hurt their budding relationship so for now he’s glad they’re keeping it quiet in front of Johnny.

“Could we stop for food soon?” Robby asks, interrupting his thoughts without looking up from his book. Johnny glances back with a soft smile and nods “Sure kiddo,” he’s absolutely positive Johnny’s never looked at him like that- like he was precious. It still hurts but it feels less like a betrayal than it used to. He knows Johnny and he knows his Sensei is proud of him and loves him but he thinks about the way Robby’s eyes flutter shut when their skin touches, even just a hand on his knee and the way his boyfriend always holds on a little too tight and can’t stop himself from blushing at compliments.

It’s not- the jealousy doesn’t just disappear overnight but Robby needs that love from Johnny more than he ever has and for the first time he wants Robby to have it more than he wants it himself.

Notes:

This one’s a little bit more of a filler but I hope people still enjoy and comment 💛

Chapter 7: I can tell what you done, yeah

They find a fish taco truck by the ocean and he opens Robby’s door for him when the other boy doesn’t show any interest in pulling his eyes away from the last pages of The Odyssey for even a second. Johnny looks hilariously dumbfounded by Robby’s behavior and he has to bite his lip to keep from laughing at Sensei even as he grabs Robby’s elbow and stears him toward a table so he doesn’t walk into anyone.

“Haven’t you read that before?” he asks and Robby hums affirmatively as he flops down on the picnic bench with his head in Miguel’s lap, mimicking their previous position. He can’t help smiling at him, the sunlight falls across Robby’s face. His lips and cheeks are a soft pink and the sun highlights the blonde streaks in Robby’s hair and the freckles across his nose.

When he finally closes his book he has the most precious smile on his face, it’s a small upturn of his lips and it just makes his stomach warm. Robby doesn’t smile enough and he wants that to change, he wants to make Robby smile every single day.

He combs a hand through Robby's silky hair as he presses his nose against Miguel’s thigh, he takes the book from his hands and Robby curls up in his little patch of sunlight. His eyes are closed and his eyelashes cast lacey shadows across his cheeks. “You look so pretty,” he mutters and Robby’s cheeks flush even more, there’s something about that word that makes him melt. “Miggy,” Robby whispers brokenly, his hand tightening around his fingers. He twists one of Robby’s rings and he bites his lip, he wants to drag him off to a crappy hotel room but Johnny’s coming back.

“Do you want to go to the beach for a second?” Robby’s eyes light up and he nods rapidly “Okay I’m going to help your dad order and then I’ll meet you down there.” He looks around for a second and after making sure no one is looking tilts Robby’s chin up, kissing him softly. “Do you want me to sit farther away from the water?” Robby asks and he honestly can’t tell if Robby’s being thoughtful or making fun of him. “Yeah as long as we don’t go swimming it’s fine,” Robby smirks a little as he grabs his book back from under Miguel’s arm.

“What’s your deal with the ocean anyway?” Robby asks thoughtfully, it’s a bit awkward as he thinks of how to put it without sounding like a complete wimp. “It’s so big and powerful and it just makes me think of lost things, you know? The ocean swallows things and it never gives them back” he remembers thinking that a week ago when he’d followed Robby into the waves, his boyfriend’s wet t-shirt clinging to his shoulders as angry water slammed into him again and again and again. The memory makes him feel uncomfortable but he can’t place his finger on why.

“So why do you like it?” he asks and actually he really wants to know the answer to that one and has for weeks but the fact that Robby brought it up first makes his curiosity spike. “I guess all the reasons you just said, the ocean is just always there you know? It never goes anywhere and when you go underwater everything just disappears, the whole world is quiet.” Robby shakes his head a little and offers him a slightly embarrassed smile “Sorry… I’ll go find us a place to sit.”

And he isn’t that much taller than Robby but his boyfriend still goes up on his tiptoes to kiss him, it’s definitely for show but it makes his heart flutter behind his ribs “You don’t have anything to be sorry for Robby,” he adds and the other boys smile seems to fade slightly as he nods before walking off to find a table. He’s a little confused and unnerved by the conversation even though he can’t figure out exactly why, Robby’s fingers tightening slightly around the spine of his book and his smile falling just a tiny bit- it had undoubtedly been an odd thing to say but Robby’s just like that sometimes.

He’s still a bit distracted thinking about Robby and he accidentally orders Johnny’s tacos with a bunch of stuff on them he won’t eat and has to go back and change the order because Sensei’s a literal child. Actually trying to explain his relationship with Johnny and Robby to the kid taking orders turns out to be a bit funny, it’s complicated obviously and they both laugh a bit over the fact that Robby and Johnny had taken off alone into a country where they didn’t know the language to look for him.

Although Robby does know some Spanish because surprise, he’s good with languages too. Actually Robby also knows a good chunk of Polish, Japanese, and some Italian from learning with Sam when she’d wanted to know more about her heritage as well and the immersion thing worked pretty well. Robby can hold basic conversation in Spanish fairly easily, meanwhile Johnny said aloha to people for two days without realizing it was the wrong language.

He’s a bit distracted bragging about how smart Robby is and he doesn’t actually notice him sauntering up behind him until he’s pressed against Miguel's back, arms around his waist. “¿Tienes una servilleta?” he asks hesitantly, the guy he’d been talking to looks vaguely horrified and he feels his stomach sinking “Wait why do you need a napkin we haven’t got the food yet,” He looks down at Robby’s hands around his stomach and sees his bruised and bloody knuckles stark against the white t-shirt.

He whips around quickly and takes in Robby’s disheveled appearance, his jaw is red and already darkening to an ugly purple while his unbuttoned shirt is wrapped around himself like a blanket, hiding his chest. “Holy shit what happened to you, are you okay?” Robby has the audacity to smile at that, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “You’re cute when you worry about me,” he says, a small smirk pulling up the corners of his lips. He scowls in response “I always worry about you,” he adds, inspecting Robby’s knuckles. The guy at the counter winces and hands him the napkins as he drags Robby back to the table where they were sitting before.

Johnny is getting something from his car which leaves him alone to check Robby over, luckily after spitting on the napkins and cleaning away some of the blood it becomes clear that most of it isn’t his though his first two knuckles on his right hand are split.

Same with his jaw, there's blood there but it’s not his thank god. “What the hell happened?” He asks and the anger is gone he’s just exhausted. “These two guys saw us kiss earlier I guess, they surprised me but they only got in one hit,” he says, gesturing to his jaw “no big deal.”

He’s right, it’s not a big deal. He’s hurt Robby worse than this, and not even during fights just practicing and Robby doesn’t need to be protected or anything he just doesn’t like seeing him hurt. And it’s also different hearing his friends stories about homophobia because this happened to Robby.

“Hey it’s not a big deal shit like this happens,” Robby says but there's a bit of hesitation in his voice “I understand if you don’t want to deal with it though-” he cuts Robby off by wrapping his arms around his shoulders and squeezing, he tightens his arm around his waist in return, nuzzling his nose into his neck.

“You’re used to this?” he asks hesitantly and Robby nods, pulling away to shoot him a confused look “Course I am, that’s kinda part of the deal. I mean usually it’s just a few insults or some guy thinking that makes it okay to grope me but it’s not like the end of the world or anything- I mean it sucks obviously but this isn’t even like that bad you know? They were our age and they only got one hit in.” He’s looking insecure and hesitant and he hates that side of Robby more than anything.

“I’m sorry that happened to you baby but it shouldn’t- it’s such bullshit.” Robby snorts “Yeah but doesn’t it happen to you too?” he asks confusedly. He hesitates because he actually hasn’t talked to him like this before “I mean I’ve never been with a guy before, like not even sex so…” Robby’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open “But you were so good the first time!” He laughs at how surprised he looks and kisses him gently, placing his hand on the curve or Robby’s neck instead of his bruised jaw like he normally would, there’s a flush to his cheeks when he pulls away and actually Robby blushing is one of his favorite things ever.

“Yeah well you made it easy, you were so pretty and so good and you made me feel like I was doing it right. I was like- so fucking nervous but you’re also loud which makes it easy to tell when I’m doing something you liked and that helped a lot.” Robby is still blushing but he’s also biting his lip to keep from laughing and it makes something in his belly stir. “Well I’m glad I made it easy for you,” he says, still smiling. He nods in return and caresses Robby's neck before letting it trail down his throat to his Adam’s apple and down his chest, he skims over a nipple and Robby pushes his face into his shoulder “Miguel,” he whispers breathily as he finally rests his hand flat on Robby’s toned stomach.

“You know the fact that we have the same parts helps, way less stressful than my first time with Sam.” Robby snorts and shoves him away but he leaves his hand on his stomach. “I cannot believe you just said that,” he mutters under his breath “I’m embarrassed to be seen with you now.” He laughs and leans in to kiss Robby again, deeper this time. Robby’s abs flex under his hand as he leans in more, tongue tracing his mouth. He rubs his boyfriend's stomach soothingly and Robby melts into the touch.

He pulls away when he sees Johnny making his way back over. “You’re sure you're okay baby?” He asks quietly and Robby nods and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, making the bruise on his jaw and cheek clearer “Yeah babe I’m okay,” he says.

A part of him doesn’t want Robby to be okay, he wants him to feel the heavy uncomfortable violated feeling he has in his stomach because he shouldn’t be used to this. But then Johnny’s sitting down and Robby is making up some excuse for the fight and the words are still stuck in his mouth.

Notes:

Another mostly fluffy chapter ☺️

Hope everyone enjoys.

Chapter 8: When I look at you

Johnny’s idea to make this a road trip might be the best one he’s ever had although there's a good chance it has more to do with the fact that Johnny has got them lost about three times a week since they got here because he refuses to use google maps, apparently he read some conspiracy theory about the government tracking people and the illuminati and dinosaurs? Someone honestly needs to explain fake news to the guy but he is not going there and Robby gave up after his fifth try.

So long story short they’re lost in another quaint town and Johnny is arguing with Daniel about the karate war on the phone in their hotel room so he and Robby decided to wander around for a bit. There are children running up and down the streets and people selling food and a man playing guitar and singing in spanish. The culture isn’t the same as Ecuador but there are similarities and it’s been so long since he’s been able to speak spanish to anyone outside of his family, he missed it more than he’d thought he would and sharing that with Robby means so much. Someday he hopes they can go to Ecuador together and he can really introduce him to his culture.

Robby's hand is warm and steady in his as he watches some kids play in the streets but his eyes are undeniably sad when he sees a man sweep a little boy up into his arms, they’re laughing. And yeah he didn’t have a dad either but he had his mom and Yaya always- Robby was alone.

He doesn’t notice the little girl until she’s in front of them tugging on his jeans "¿Puedo trenzar tu cabello? Mi mami dijo que necesito encontrar a alguien con quien practicar.” Robby looks confused as he stares at the little girl “¿Mi español no es muy bueno?” she nods seriously and looks at him to translate, she must have heard them speaking before in english “She wants to braid your hair.” He informs him, biting his lip as he wonders how the hell Robby is going to get out of this.

“Si,” he says nodding, the little girl squeals excitedly and grabs his hand, dragging him toward a chair. Some older girls who are probably her sisters are braiding some other peoples hair, it’s kind of adorable because she has her own stool and everything.

Robby just sits there and lets her braid his hair, clearly the little girl is good but Robby’s hair isn’t that long and he looks like a hedgehog with little braids sticking up all over his head, it gets even better when she starts braiding flowers and ribbon into it, he kind of wants to melt. The two of them are playing this game where she points at things and tells him the Spanish words for them and then Robby tells her the English words.

It’s sort of precious but also Robby looks absolutely ridiculous by the time he’s standing up, little braids and sticking out in crazy directions even as he thanks the little girl and she hugs him. He can see Robby tense in surprise but then his eyes go soft and he hugs her back. It makes him feel like Sam when they were going out and she would literally freak out about how precious it was if he interacted with any younger kids. He never got it before but now he does, Robby is good with her.

“I’ll take that out for you when we get back,” he offers, trying not to laugh at his boyfriend's expense, Robby just shakes his head stubbornly. “I told her I’d meet her grandma tomorrow before we leave so I have to leave them in.” He snorts and Robby ignores him “She asked you to meet her family? Babe we haven’t even done that yet.” Robby glares and shoves him but the menacing effect is ruined by his pink cheeks “Shut up, I’m pretty sure my dad likes you more than me.” He says and he doesn’t sound like he’s joking anymore, he considers stepping in or saying something but Robby is already walking ahead and he’s a bit distracted.

He really does look like a hedgehog, but like- a cute hedgehog.

Notes:

Oh my god life has been crazy this last week! I have at least two more one shots I hope to finish soon and I might post a few Young Royals fics if I find the time to finish them but Cobra Kai will mostly be my focus for now.

I have to admit I’m really glad I wrote this whole fic before I started to post because I just started a new job and I’m probably going to be pretty busy figuring out my schedule for the holidays.

Chapter 9: In your eyes

Robby’s skin is warm and soft under his hands and the moonlight spills across their bed making him look even more pale, his green eyes are teary and wide with pleasure, lips parted slightly. He’s beautiful and he doesn’t care if it sounds like a cheesy romance movie because his boyfriend is fucking perfect and he loves him so much.

“Miggy-” Robby gasps, fingers pressing into his shoulders “I just, I need- please-” his babbling is cut off with a soft moan as he presses closer. “It’s okay baby I got you,” he mutters, speeding up his thrusts slightly and aiming for Robby’s prostate, he cries out when he hits it and thrusts his hips up to meet the movement.

“Oh god you’re so pretty, so good for me baby- Robby-” he gasps as his boyfriend clenches around him, he has one hand tangled in Robby’s hair and the other on his cock, pumping him through the orgasm as he comes as well, moaning loudly. Robby’s body is so hot and tight around him and the feeling of the pleasure cresting is electric.

He rolls them over so his face is pressed between Robby’s broad shoulder blades, there are tiny drops of sweat settling in the grooves between his muscles and he’s relaxed. Miguel’s whole body is on top of Robby’s, pressing him into the mattress and Robby is so out of it he doesn’t even protest. He gets really overwhelmed whenever they have sex and he’ll kinda zone out towards the end but he’s promised it’s not bad, he says he just feels fuzzy and out of it but safe, he promises he feels safe.

Still he props himself up on an elbow to keep himself from crushing Robby and wipes his hand off on the sheets before twining his fingers through Robby’s silky hair- thank god he’d finally taken the freaking hedgehog braids out. He rubs soothing circles into his scalp and combs out the tangles with his fingers.

Robby’s eyes are glassy and he makes quiet pleased noises in the back of his throat, tangling their fingers together. He’s so warm, his body hot and wet where he’s still buried in his boyfriend's cute ass. He presses a kiss to Robby’s temple and lays his cheek on Robby’s back again, tracing his sides until he drifts off.

When he wakes up he’s rolled off of Robby and they’re both sticky with sweat and dried cum which is gross and he would’ve taken care of it before if Robby would’ve let him pull out but that was never going to happen so now he’s dragging himself out of bed at 5:00 to grab a washcloth. He starts by wiping himself down in the bathroom before wringing out the washcloth and getting it damp again with warm water.

Robby is laying on his stomach curled up around his pillow like he always does. He’s half awake when Miguel starts cleaning off his stomach, tracing the grooves of his abs with the corner of the washcloth before moving between his legs. Robby stirs “Miguel?” he asks hesitantly, he sounds halfway between sleepy and scared “Yeah baby it’s me” before he can ask Robby if he’s okay he pushes his face back into the pillow “Okay good.” He’s a little confused by the reaction but he pushes it aside, moving his hands between Robby’s legs to wipe the cum away from his thighs and pubes, finally he wipes his ass to clean away the cum from when he came.

He’s really fucking glad Robby is okay with not using condoms, even if it’s messy. They’re both clean so it’s fine and it feels way better, but that might just be because it’s Robby and not Sam. Not that Sam wasn’t good in bed but they were both virgins and they didn’t really know what to do.

“Miggy, can you please hold me?” Robby asks quietly, pulling him directly out of his thoughts. There’s something wrong in his voice, broken and a little desperate in the way that he sometimes gets that isn’t attractive. It’s the difference between when Robby’s desperate for him and when he’s just desperate for someone.

“Yeah baby,” He says, climbing back into bed and letting Robby curl up on his chest, he whimpers as though he’s in pain. “Miggy-” he whispers, voice breaking at the end of the word as he wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in Miguel’s hair.

He grabs Robby’s hands, twining their fingers together but he’s trembling slightly “Babe are you okay?” he asks hesitantly, Robby nods but refuses to make eye contact, his breathing is uneven “Robby-” he says again, as his boyfriend redirects his arms so they’re wrapped securely around his waist “Please Miggy,” his voice is broken, he sounds broken.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” he asks- stroking Robby’s knuckles, he whimpers and shakes his head. “I just want it to stop-” he sobs “please make it stop.” He feels sick to his stomach as he watches Robby curl up and twist his hands into the sheets. He just follows Robby’s request and tightens his arms around his waist tight enough that it feels like it should hurt but Robby finally relaxes into it, taking deep breaths as he presses Miguel’s hand against his stomach hard enough that it can’t be comfortable.

“Robby mi amor-” he shakes his head and his fingers dig into his biceps hard enough to bruise “I thought you left,” he whispers “please don’t leave me I’ll be good I swear.” He can’t help but feel offended that he would think that he'd never do anything to hurt Robby- except that he already had, hadn’t he? “Robby,” he starts but his boyfriend is shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut “I’m sorry,” he whispers again and he doesn’t have a fucking clue what Robby could be apologizing for “Robby,” he repeats, moving one hand to cradle his jaw and turn his face upward.

He closes the space between them, pressing their lips together and chewing slightly on Robby’s bottom lip as he continues to try to crush them together, like they can get closer. It’s kind of impulsive but he slides a hand up to cup Robby’s ass and slip a finger inside him where he’s still stretched from earlier. His boyfriend goes lax, a small whimper falling from his mouth as he rubs Robby’s opening.

“Hey I’m here baby okay, I’m here.” Robby nods and his breathing is evening out “Okay, okay I just-” he’s cringing, curling into himself “Fuck I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-” Robby cuts himself off with a moan when Miguel’s fingers bump his prostate. He’s not actually trying to get laid but Robby always kind of calms down during sex and his desperation to be close made this idea pop into his head- it seems like it’s working.

“Robby it’s okay, I’m sorry I scared you- I won’t leave without telling you if it helps but I’m not going to leave you regardless.” He nods distractedly in response and rests his cheek over Miguel’s heart as he keeps fingering Robby gently, he’s trying to be more soothing than pleasurable but Robby’s still half hard against him. “Can you please- I just want to be close to you.” It takes him an embarrassing amount of time to realize what Robby’s asking and why his cheeks are so pink “Yeah I got you babe.” He replies, moving to add a third finger when Robby reaches down and grips his wrist “Just- I’m ready I can take it.'' He frowns at him because he knows two fingers isn’t enough, he’s not exactly small and Robby is always so tight around his cock even when he’s been stretched properly.

Before he can protest Robby is crawling forward “Please I just need-” he can’t get the words out but he knows Robby well enough to figure it out, he knows when his boyfriend is freaking out and he knows what he wants when he can’t vocalize his thoughts during sex. Granted it’s not usually both at the same time but he can do this for Robby, it’s not going to hurt him but it’s not going to be comfortable either.

“Okay baby c’mere- you gotta, okay.” he repeats as Robby lifts himself up, he’s shaking slightly and he can tell he doesn’t want to pull away at all so he sucks gently on Robby’s pulse point, tasting the warm salty flavor of his skin. It’s sweat and tears and saltwater, and something sweet underneath it all that tastes like the smell of rain.

“Good boy- hey you gotta be careful baby, gotta go slowly so you don’t hurt yourself.” Robby nods dazedly but it’s clear that he’s out of it so he grips his boyfriends ass and pulls him down, lining him up with his hard shaft so he can lower himself slowly. Robby winces but he rubs his sides and back, whispering sweet things as Robby slides down all the way so he’s straddling his lap facing him with their hips flush together. It’s a lot for both of them probably- he’s so tight.

“You’re so good for me baby, so pretty. Thank you for telling me what you needed.” Robby nods into his shoulder and fumbles with the hair at the base of Miguel's neck, twisting it around his fingers. It’s something he only does when he’s nervous and wants to talk, he knows he’s gotta wait it out so he just kisses Robby’s neck and ear and forehead and strokes his trembling body until he’s relaxed and his breathing is quiet.

“I didn’t mean to freak out, you just scared me.” He finally says and he can feel the heaviness in his limbs as he strokes his hair and kisses his forehead again. “Do you really think I’d leave you?” he asks softly as Robby shifts and clenches on his hard dick “No. I don’t know- I know you care about me,” he says instead of answering “I think that you believe that you won’t right now.”

He bites down the urge to tell Robby he’s wrong because that’s not going to help anything “Robby,” he says softly, tilting his chin up so they’re making eye contact. His green eyes are shadowed, a pool of sorrow and so much pain- surely Robby isn’t this unhappy, he would have noticed. It’s just a mood he gets in sometimes, still his eyes hold the kind of darkness you can drown in. “I love you.” He says instead, nuzzling against his stubbled cheek, normally he’d shave but they’d taken advantage of a huge storm that rolled through to spend the whole day in bed instead of driving and he hadn’t got around to it. You’re my best friend, you know?” he tells Robby instead “That doesn’t just go away.”
Robby smiles a little and strokes his cheek “I hope you’re right Miggy.” He doesn’t know what to say to that so he just brushes back Robby’s bangs and kisses his forehead “I love you,” he repeats and Robby smiles the same way he always does when he says those words and stays quiet.

He’s drifting, combing distractedly through Robby’s soft hair as his boyfriend dozes off against his chest, he adjusts his position against the headboard to try and make his back hurt less but it’s hard to do while he’s still buried inside Robby’s too tight body. It hurts but if this is what will keep Robby from waking up thinking he’s alone he’ll do it, he’d do anything for him.

When the morning comes Robby crawls off him and limps to the bathroom to shower alone, when he comes back it’s like last night never happened. He tries not to think about it but it’s hard to forget how dark his green eyes can get.

Notes:

A longer chapter!!! I know a lot of these seem really random right now and some of them are but a lot of it ties together later on as well.

Chapter 10: I see there's something burning inside you

Robby’s been limping since yesterday morning, apparently sleeping with Miguel inside him and not fully preparing himself wasn’t his best idea, still it’s a little funny that Johnny thinks they’ve been sparring.

Except that Robby doesn’t seem to agree if the way he’s scowling at his soggy McDonald’s burger like it’s personally wronged him isn’t enough indication his clenched fists would be. Johnny may not understand why but even he seems to sense that Robby’s in a bad mood after his joke about the two of them fighting again.

“I’m just going to go get a beer, do either of you want one?” Johnny asks, it’s kind of painfully obvious that Johnny’s trying to make Robby feel better or do something fun and exciting that they hadn’t ever had a father figure to show them. He’s not sure if Robby missed that completely or if he’s just being spiteful when he tosses Johnny a sharp smile “Yeah sure, you know how I’m always drinking- oh wait that wasn’t me.” He bites out, sarcasm weighing down his tongue, it’s cruel and they both know it.

Johnny flinches and opens his mouth in surprise “Robby,” he says softly and he can hear the pain in Sensei’s voice. He remembers Johnny sitting in the little diner across from the hospital telling him about Robby, how he was born right after his mom's death on February 4th and he’d sat here, closer than Robby would ever know. He remembered how Johnny’s blue eyes had been filled with tears as he said he’d been failing Robby since the day he was born, he hadn’t thought about it much afterward- the thing he’d remembered was Johnny saying he was proud of him. He remembers now.

Johnny’s eyes look like that again, wet and anguished. Sometimes it’s too easy to forget that he’s Robby’s dad and not his but he knows Johnny has never and will never look at him like he’s looking at Robby. He can already see the regret pulling at Robby’s body, his shoulders are hunched downward and his blunt nails are digging into his knee under the table in a way that makes Miguel want to take his hand.

Robby really doesn’t have the stomach for cruelty, no matter how hard he tries he just can’t manage it and when he does it tears him apart. He’s not ignorant to the fact that Robby has done bad things but he did them out of necessity and the fact that he kept his heart soft through that blows his mind. But it hurts to see them both like this now.

“I’m sorry Robby I didn’t think-” Johnny exhales harshly and Robby shrugs and fiddles with the velcro on his swim shorts “S’fine” he replies, rubbing the pads of his fingers distractedly against the velcro. “I just thought it might be a fun thing for you to try,” Johnny adds and there’s a little fire in Robby’s green eyes as he lifts his head again, spine straight the way it usually is. That posture that tells you that Robby is strong, there aren’t very many things that can take that strength from him, not after years of abuse and neglect and fighting. He takes it off when it’s the two of them and there’s something about that trust that’s so overwhelming he doesn’t think about it, but with Johnny he’s just seven years old again asking why his dad doesn’t love him (and yeah he’d heard that story from both of them and it hurts.)

“I don’t drink,” Robby says flatly but he can see the resignation in his boyfriend's eyes. It doesn’t take much to imagine what Johnny would say about a man who doesn’t drink. He looks surprised, blue eyes wide and lips parted around an awkward laugh “Okay, I didn’t really think of you as the type of kid to be super concerned about the law but whatever.” Robby shakes his head “No Dad I don’t drink at all,” he emphasizes “I never have and I never will.” Johnny flinches when he finally figures out what Robby is really saying, that he doesn’t drink because he’s seen what it does everyday of his life, that he’d fought tooth and nail to lock away that particular demon and he wasn’t letting it back out.

For all the sorrow and guilt and self hatred on Johnny’s face he manages a half smile “Yeah okay, I think that’s really cool kiddo.” Robby relaxes a bit, whether it’s the words or the term of endearment at the end a little bit of that tension has drained out of his body. He wonders if Sensei wished he’d had the strength to do the same after his shitty childhood.

Still there’s a difference between having a shitty life and being rich and having a shitty life and being poor, Johnny had never been hungry or had to worry about electricity and water and whether his mom was going to OD on opioids behind the locked bathroom door (he’s heard those stories too and it’s fucking bad, he doesn’t even want to think about it.)

Robby still doesn’t touch his burger but he looks a lot more chill now, less like he’s shaking out of his skin and more like he’s just here and he’s okay. But the skin on his knuckles is red and irritated, even bleeding in some places from the velcro and that observation makes his stomach churn.

Robby doesn’t bother including him like he usually does and it’s unnerving. Normally Robby tries to hide his softness under masks and sharp edges, now it’s just like he’s burned through it all and what’s left is something dark and ugly and cruel in a way Robby’s never been able to handle. Still he can tell his boyfriend is clinging to the softness in Johnny’s tone.

It’s fine, Robby really is a moody person and he can’t expect to be exempt from that all the time just because they’re dating, which doesn’t make the locked hotel room door when they get back any less painful. He tries it one more time before bed and it’s unlocked but Robby is already asleep despite it being relatively early, he’s wearing Miguel’s sweatpants and long sleeve shirt and he sighs in relief, hating the anxiety in his stomach at the thought of Robby pulling away like he had earlier. It’s not like Sam- he has to keep saying it to himself- no one is giving up and Robby is entitled to his space.

Still he can’t help the relief he feels wrapping himself around Robby’s warm body and pressing a kiss to his cheek, he smells warm like the vanilla soap in the little bottles in the bathroom and he drifts off spooning Robby from behind, hands tracing lazy shapes on his stomach.

He wakes up several times that night to frantic hitched breathing and nails sinking painfully into his skin as Robby drifts in and out of nightmares, it’s worse than normal and he doesn’t know why.

Notes:

Oh my god I’m so sorry, my life’s been really crazy lately with a new job and finals coming up and family coming for the holidays- even though I have all of this fic written I forgot to post so please forgive me 🥺

Chapter 11: Oh, inside you

He’s standing on the balcony talking to his mom on the phone, she’s been so worried and it makes him feel awful that he would leave like that. She doesn’t understand why he wants to know about his father who’s never even been in his life and there's tension there even without taking the Robby situation into account. The Robby situation being the fact that his mom is angry at Johnny for taking him and angry at Miguel for befriending him (which is all she knows at this point thank god) she doesn’t like him and she thinks he’ll try something again and Miguel just hates talking to her about it.

But then Robby’s there, still wearing Miguels’s oversized shirt that hangs past his fingertips and a pair of basketball shorts. He looks young like this with his hair sticking up in the back and falling in front of his eyes, comforter from the bed pulled around his shoulders.

He also seems more like himself again which is nice after the craziness of the last few days. “Uh hey mom I gotta go, I promised Robby I’d help him with his spanish” she mutters something angry under her breath but he still figures it’s better to ease her into it then tell her flat out. Luckily he doesn’t have to worry about that just yet, thanks to Johnny’s terrible navigation skills.

Robby’s sidled over during the conversation and has his cheek pressed to Miguel’s shoulder though he keeps his arms wrapped around himself “Mom I gotta go, yeah I love you too bye.” He clicks the end call button before spinning Robby around and wrapping him up in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Robby whispers. “I was being a total asshole and I don’t even know why. You didn’t do anything and my dad didn’t even do anything and-” he kisses Robby to shut him up and it works, kissing him is a good way to distract him when he starts getting worked up and also he gets to kiss Robby more which is awesome.

“Babe it’s fine everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes no big deal.” He kisses Robby’s forehead again and plops down on the crappy lawn chair type lounge, grabbing Robby’s blanket and drawing it down around his shoulders so that when Robby curls up on his lap he can wrap the comforter around both of them. Robby curls up against his chest and he rubs his boyfriend's hip soothingly, looking guiltily at his fingers. There are red scratches from the velcro and he picks distractedly at the irritated skin.

“I was mean,” he finally says “I shouldn’t take it out on your or my dad when I’m having a bad day. I’m not five years old, it's ridiculous.” He can’t help frowning at how Robby talks about himself, gripping his hands steadily but tightly enough to stop his absentminded picking. “But you didn’t get to do that when you were five did you? And either way I think everyone does that sometimes.” Robby deflates a bit, his muscles relaxing and his breath whooshing out of his lungs “Yeah okay,” he murmurs softly, eyes fluttering shut.

He had slept so badly last night and after his struggles the day before, he’s got those shadows under his eyes and his skin is even more pale than before- like when he’d still been in Cobra Kai. “Do you want to talk about it?” Robby shrugs “I just don’t like giving people the chance to leave a-and it hurt more than I thought it would. Like I know we’re seventeen and that this won’t last- there’s just too much shit between us. But I keep thinking I’ll get used to the pain but it just doesn’t ever go away and I’m tired- I’m just so tired.” He says it all in one breath and he sounds it too, it breaks Miguel’s heart.

“Robby I’m-” his boyfriend covers his mouth “Don’t say you're sorry it’s not- relationships don’t last, especially teenage ones.” The words hit harder than any blow Robby has ever landed and it fucking hurts, he doesn’t want to hear Robby saying they won’t last not ever.

“Please stop,” he whispers as a tear falls down his cheek. Robby freezes but he can’t see anything unless he turns around and he won’t do that except that of course he does- his hands cupping his wet cheeks as he straddles his thighs. “Miggy I’m sorry what did I- if this is about yesterday-” he shakes his head “No Robby yesterday wasn’t a big deal like it sucked but not a big deal, you’re allowed to not be in a good mood and you apologized so.”

Robby’s fingers are gentle as he wipes away the tears on his skin with so much tenderness that he melts into it. Robby’s just, he’s amazing and they work so well but he’s been here before with Sam and he’d been too eager and he’d expected too much and it hadn’t lasted even when it was supposed to. With Robby it’s like- he’s perfect and he doesn’t want to mess everything up again. “Please don't say we won’t last. I don't even want to think about going back to all the craziness without you by my side.” Robby is shaking his head, eyes wide and sad as he continues stroking his cheeks, wiping away the tears as they fall. “I’m sorry,” Robby repeats as he kisses his temple and curls up against him.

It’s like the only way he knows how to give comfort is by offering up himself and letting people take from him- he intertwines their fingers and pushes Robby’s chest back until there’s enough space between them that they can make eye contact. “Maybe I can’t promise that we’ll be together forever and always feel this way about each other but I promise that right now I believe we will.”

Robby’s eyes well up with tears and he nods and leans in, pressing their lips together so gently he can hardly feel it, it barely lasts three seconds but Robby’s cheek is against his neck and his arms are warm and strong around his waist and it’s nice.

“I really really like you-” Robby starts hesitantly, it sounds like he’s choking on the words like how he can’t even say he loves him- or he doesn’t love him but he’s been trying really hard not to think like that and this confession however small has Robby looking torn apart and raw like he’s been scraped open. It’s different then night time when Robby is curled up between white sheets and all of this kind of falls away, he’s tearing open the layers on purpose now even though it’s hurting him.

The words are small by themselves but coming from Robby he can see how much they cost and it scares him a little bit. “We’ll figure all of this out babe I mean, I think we’re getting pretty good at crazy.” Robby snorts and curls against his chest again, Miguel’s long sleeve shirt is still wrapped over his hands as he presses them against his face, kissing him longer this time and opening his lips to let his tongue roam around his mouth.

He tastes like mint toothpaste and his hands are steady and not shaking and the whole exchange feels way too sweet and intimate to just be making out. When Robby finally pulls away he’s smiling softly and he’s sure his expression matches as he directs his head onto his shoulder, wrapping the comforter more securely around them as his boyfriend burrows into his neck. He stroke’s Robby’s waist until his breathing evens out and when he doesn’t wake up panting like the last few nights he takes it as a win and decides to follow his example and catch up on some of the sleep he’s missed the last few nights.

It’s nice just curled up on the lounge chair wrapped in a comforter and Robby’s relentless warmth as his boyfriend's soft hair tickles his chin.

Notes:

I know these updates have been so irregular and I’m so sorry, I’ve been having some ongoing family drama and apparently lice is all over my sisters school so we’ve had to be checked like four times. I also have finals coming up and I started the term late so I’m a little behind, just started a new job and haven’t been able to contact my boss since my second day, am trying to figure out whether to pursue a professional Autism diagnosis, applying to college, have over ten family members visiting for thanksgiving, my cat has a brain infection, my old dog is walking worse and having accidents in the house, I’m applying to colleges, and my moms best friend who was like a second mom to me when I was little just started chemotherapy. Now my grandma who I live with has covid and she had a stroke last year so she’s high risk and she fell yesterday (she’s okay) so it’s just been total chaos. Luckily nothing has seemed like it’s going to be too big a problem in the long run but I’ve been super stressed and distracted for obvious reasons, still I’ll try to update more since the whole fic is already written.

Chapter 12: In your eyes

“Holy shit,” Robby says, staring at the jacket in Johnny’s hands “I can’t believe you- didn’t you give this to Miguel?” He asks, holding the Cobra Kai jacket in his hands. Miguel remembers wearing it once vaguely but that had been on a date with Tory hadn’t it? The one where they ran into Robby and Sam at the roller rink.

“I didn’t give it to Miguel,” Johnny says confusedly, looking down at the heavy red fabric that had probably been hanging in the back of Sensei’s closet for like twenty years. “You gave him your gi,” Robby adds distractedly as he traces the snake on the back. He doesn’t even sound upset about it, just accepting. It takes him a second to even remember what Robby’s talking about it had been so long ago and honestly he hardly even wears that gi anymore.

“What gi?” Johnny says stupidly, looking between them with bafflement. “Your old Cobra Kai one,” when Johnny continues staring blankly Robby rolls his eyes “I used to wear it all the time when I was a kid. I guess I must have been pretty young since you were around but you used to tell me you’d give it to me when I was old enough for Karate but you gave it to Miguel instead, I figured the jacket would be the same.

The offhand comment makes his stomach sink abruptly and he feels faintly sick at the way Robby says it like it’s not even a big deal to him anymore- just one more thing Johnny screwed up. But he thinks of the worn out old gi sitting at the bottom of his dresser and how it had symbolized all of Johnny’s pride in him, he tries not to imagine Robby as a little kid running around in it, waiting for the day it would be his.

“I wouldn’t have given him the jacket, I only gave him the gi because you said you didn't ever want to learn karate.” Johnny adds sadly, he looks like he wants to reach out for Robby and he wonders if he should leave them alone but their fingers are still casually intertwined resting on his knee under the table where Johnny can’t see so he assumes Robby doesn’t mind.

“I only said that because I didn’t think you’d want to teach me.” Robby mutters under his breath and Johnny flinches even though Robby’s just trying to be honest and not trying to hurt him. “I’m sorry Robby I didn’t know,” Johnny mutters breathlessly and as much as he wants his boyfriend to have the type of parental guidance he desperately needs it’s hard to equate his tough love Sensei with Johnny trying to be a dad to his actual kid. He’s so hesitant and unsure and it makes Robby feel like he’s unsure about him and he just wishes there was something he could do to help them work through things out. But there really isn’t since he’s a huge source of their recent issues anyway.

“Dad,” Robby says softly “I wasn’t trying to ruin this- it’s really nice I shouldn’t have said anything I was just surprised.” He adds, twisting one of the rings he’s wearing the way he always does when he gets anxious. Johnny snorts “Yeah I know kid, none of this is your fault anyway.” Robby is still looking down at the coat and they’ll probably have to cover the Cobra because god knows Robby won’t go around wearing it like that.

“I do like the jacket Dad, I really like it.” Johnny’s eyes go slightly misty when Robby calls him dad but he blinks them away smiling hesitantly. “I was going to watch Iron Eagle if either of you want to join,” he glances up subtly at that to assess Robby’s reaction because they didn’t exactly not have plans tonight. In return his boyfriend shoots him a questioning look that’s almost like asking permission which is both jarring and nice because Robby might be the sweetest person he’s ever met but he’s also stubborn and that just makes it more flattering that he values even an unofficial commitment to him this much.

“Yeah Sensei I think that sounds great,” he jumps in, trying to ignore the way Robby’s green eyes light up. “Can we meet you over there in about twenty minutes? There was something I wanted to show Miguel?” Robby asks hesitantly, as if unsure whether Johnny’s invitation will extend to include him if it’s on his terms. Johnny of course nods vehemently “Whatever you want, I’ll get the DVD player set up.”

Robby shoots him a questioning look but he shakes his head, mouthing ‘be glad it’s not a VHS’ Robby snorts and attempts to cover his mouth as he grabs the jacket with his free hand before tugging Miguel to his feet. Johnny’s eyes widen at their intertwined fingers and Robby tightens his grip and tugs him towards their room.

They’d finally started sharing a few days ago under the guise of a growing ‘friendship’ and not having to sneak out every night has been a relief, it also seemed to help Robby with his separation anxiety. Which doesn’t explain what they’re doing right now, he’s pretty sure Robby doesn’t actually have anything to show him.

But as soon as the door closes Robby is tossing his jacket on the bed and pinning him against the wall, licking eagerly into his mouth. He grabs his boyfriend's round butt through his jeans, appreciating Robby’s breathless exhale as he pulls away. He’s smiling so big his eyes are slightly crinkled at the corners.

And he knows Robby struggles a bit more than most people but that only makes the soft joy in his eyes that much more beautiful to witness. Whatever interaction it was that Robby and Johnny just had there was more to it than what he’d seen and it obviously has his boyfriend in a ridiculously good mood which is not the normal outcome for situations with the two of them.

“Babe we gonna watch the movie in a few minutes?” he asks and Robby nods, reaching for the zipper on his jeans “Yes but first I believe I promised you a blowjob.” Technically that was true and while it wasn’t what he'd been expecting he’s not exactly going to complain as he tightens his hand in Robby’s hair, pushing him gently to his knees.

“I love you'' he says and Robby hums in response but he smiles again, eyes bright and green and full of adoration “You’re pretty great too y’know,” he adds, reaching for his waistband again as he starts planting kisses along his stomach and hips. “You only got ten minutes babe,” he says, checking the clock over his boyfriend's head to see how long it’s been since he said he’d meet Johnny in the hotel room. “No problems there,” Robby replies mischievously.

Notes:

I wanted so badly to update for my birthday but I technically missed it by thirty minutes, either way I haven't gone to sleep yet so I'm counting this. Think of it as like a hobbit birthday because I'm giving everyone a gift lol ;)

Chapter 13: I know it hurts to smile, but you try to

Sometimes he feels like he’s going to get whiplash from Robby’s mood swings, he doesn’t take it out on him or anything it’s just overwhelming because he was really happy for the last two days and then this morning he practically had to wrestle Robby out of bed and force him to change into different pajamas. It never fails to make him worry especially when those simple tasks become a struggle.

Getting him into the car had been even harder and Robby hadn’t even mustered up the energy to worry about his dad, seeming to need whatever comfort Miguel was offering him enough for it not to be important. Or he’d somehow been too tired to think about it, but either way the result was a lapful of miserable boyfriend as Robby laid across the backseat without a seat belt on and his face buried in Miguel’s stomach.

Now they’re chilling in another hotel room and Robby is curled up on the pull out couch with like three extra comforters piled on top of him. Johnny’s got another crappy action movie on in the background and the half eaten Enchiladas from dinner are on the table, Robby’s portion untouched and ice cold.

“Is he going to be okay?” he asks Johnny quietly, stroking Robby’s hair. He’s currently curled up between them and he hasn’t moved in at least an hour and a half, not even to roll over which is unusual because normally he’s an incredibly squirmy sleeper.

“Yeah it’s fine Robby’s always been a little sensitive,” he shoots Johnny a glare but bites his tongue to keep from saying anything when he sees that Sensei already looks guilty “I didn’t mean it like that he just gets in a mood sometimes, he has since he was a kid but it usually goes away pretty quickly.”

He kind of seriously doubts that because Robby seems really upset, still it’s more likely he’s just coming down with something. He actually does feel slightly warm as he brushes back Robby’s hair, though that could also be from the sweats and blankets he’s wrapped up in.

“Are you sure?” Because this isn’t exactly normal.” Johnny smiles and rests his hand on Robby’s shoulder, bunching up in the thick fabric of his hoodie. “Yeah it’s really not a big deal he just gets really wiped out sometimes, he’ll sleep for a day or two, a week at most and then he’ll be fine.”

He’s not sure how solid Johnny’s logic is but Robby stirs and presses his face into his hip which distracts him. “Hey babe,” he winces as soon as he says it, catching the bizarre look Johnny is giving him. But Robby is still unresponsive, just trying to bury himself further in the covers.

“Hey kiddo we saved you some food, is that okay?” Johnny asks softer than he ever would’ve imagined, stroking Robby’s cheek. He shakes his head “Not hungry,” he murmurs roughly and he has to blink back tears as Robby closes his dull green eyes without moving, “You gotta eat Robby, please?” He asks, stroking his cheek tenderly.

Johnny’s staring but it really doesn’t matter anymore, “Do you feel sick?” he asks quietly to which Robby shrugs “Baby?” he asks again. He hates potentially outing Robby more than anything but he’s always more responsive to these names than anything else. “Head hurts, stomach too,” Robby forces out in as few words as possible “Do you feel nauseous?” He asks, purposefully avoiding Johnny’s heavy stare. Robby just shrugs again as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s broad shoulders, massaging his fingers into the tense muscles, he’s especially careful with his previously dislocated shoulder because Robby’s admits that it didn’t heal quite right the first time and he’s popped it out of the socket again several times since then which he’d really rather not think about considering everything.

“Okay would you feel better if we got you some painkillers or something?” It’s kind of a long shot because the two times he’s got Robby to take medication, even just non prescription painkillers it had been a huge fucking effort that involved a lot of sexual bribery (not that he wouldn’t do it anyway) and promises of a skateboarding date when they got home despite the fact that he hadn’t done it since seventh grade.

What he doesn’t expect is a meek nod against his thigh. “Kay,” Robby slurs before closing his eyes again. The color is different, almost dull compared to the normal shine, it just makes him look impossibly sad and tired.

“Uh Sensei could you-” Johnny stares for a second before it dawns on him and he nods “Yeah kiddo I’ll be right back,” he mutters kissing Robby’s forehead and detangling himself from the blankets to grab some tylenol.

As soon as Johnny sits back down he grabs the pills and water from his hands and pulls Robby up so he’s propped against his side, his head lolls awkwardly like he’s too tired to hold it up properly but he swallows the pills obediently without even asking what they are and that scares him a little bit.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly and Robby nods, forcing a small clearly fake smile onto his face “Thanks for staying with me,” he murmurs before closing his eyes and hiding his face against Miguel’s neck.

It only takes about five minutes for Robby to fall asleep, his lips slightly parted as his warm breath fans across his collarbone. It’s comforting, reassuring in the way all of Robby’s little things have become reassuring but somehow it’s still not enough.

Notes:

Well I did say this wasn't going to be a lighthearted story... still this isn't so bad yet...

Chapter 14: Oh, you try to

Things aren’t always good, he’s not naive to that fact but whatever is going on with Robby is still weird to him because they’d been doing really well a week ago. It’s not like they’re not doing well now, it's just that Robby’s being weirder than normal.

Ever since the day when he wouldn’t move he’s been kind of dragging himself around like every movement is weighed down with exhaustion. It’s maybe not as dramatic as he’s making it seem, Robby’s acting pretty normal overall but there are so many moments where he’s just off and he knows Robby well enough to know when something’s going on.

He seems to manage whatever it is well enough during the day but he’s noticeably more tired even though he’s been sleeping more and he hasn’t been eating or working out as much. Johnny doesn’t seem to think it’s worth being worried about but Johnny hadn’t exactly been around enough when Robby was a kid for him to take him at his word about any of this. Even when he had been around Johnny wasn’t exactly the most observant person alive.

He just doesn’t smile as much anymore and he always seems a little untouchable, like he’s too far away to be fully reached. He’s also been more clingy which is weird because while he’s always ridiculously affectionate it’s not normally this constant.

When they are in the car Robby sleeps a lot more and he’s completely lost interest in sex which Miguel can tell is upsetting him because he keeps offering to get him off even when he’s clearly uninterested in any reciprocity.

He says he’s just tired and that he has a stomach ache and can’t eat, Johnny believes him and he doesn’t think Robby is lying, at least not about that, he does think there are underlying issues that are making him not eat he just doesn’t know what. Technically he could be sick and that would explain all of this and Robby’s going along with that, saying he probably had a fever and this is just a lingering cold. He does think that is a lie, whatever is going on Robby knows what it is even if he doesn’t and that kind of hurts.

But hopefully it also means Robby would choose to come to him if something was really wrong. Seeing him wrapped in a blanket sitting on a cliff with a notebook open in front of him doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in that belief or his boyfriends overall wellbeing.

The white pages are flapping in the breeze, some stained with black ink. Robby has a page in his hand that he lets go of and it flies across the sky like a little bird. As he walks toward him he finds it unnerving how close Robby is sitting to the edge, his toes are lined up with the drop off and his knees are pulled up to his chest, staring out at the ocean with his eyes closed.

“Robby mi amor?” he says softly in an effort to not startle him, it doesn’t work and he jerks backward slightly. Instantly Robby is wiping his cheeks and it’s only then that he realizes he was crying. “Hey sweetheart are you alright? Is there anything I can do?” Robby shrugs and wipes at his face again where tears are dripping silently down his face, tracing his jaw and neck until they’re absorbed by the collar of his t-shirt.

“Just sit with me,” he says softly, his voice slightly rough from lack of use. He lowers himself down on the ground next to his boyfriend as Robby hesitantly rests his head on his shoulder. “I think we need to go home,” he finally says and honestly it’s the last thing he was expecting to fall from his lips.

“Robby what?” he asks, turning to wrap an arm around Robby’s broad shoulders. “I didn’t think we’d be here very long and I wasn’t prepared but I wanted to stay because things with you were new and I didn’t want it to be over so soon. It’s not like- it hasn’t all been bad but I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to go away by itself this time.” He says it quietly under his breath and he’s staring at their intertwined fingers like it’s the last time.

“I don’t understand,” he says softly “I’m on medication and I’ve been out for a while now and before that I wasn’t taking it as much as I was supposed to. I didn’t think it’d matter cause I never really took it regularly anyway but yeah I think I really need it now-” he presses a kiss to Robby’s lips, trying not to lose himself in the endless questions he has right now. He doesn’t want to overwhelm him but this whole thing has kind of taken an unexpected turn.

God what is Robby even on medication for? Is he sick- fuck will he die without it? He kind of has to take a few deep breaths before looking back at Robby. He looks a little bit panicked but not like he’s going to die. That’s probably good right? But he’s breathing too heavy and that’s definitely not good.

He places a hand on Robby’s jaw and tilts his chin up “Can you just- please can you tell me what you’re on medication for sweetheart?” As usual his eyes flutter slightly shut and he leans into the embrace. “I’m not going to die if that’s what you're worried about,” Robby adds wryly and it’s the most humor he’s had in days. “But I also understand if you don’t want to deal with anything extra right now,” he adds sadly.

Even now that Robby doesn’t constantly expect the abandonment it’s still his first response to any problem and god does he hope he can change that with time.

“You’re not an extra thing to deal with Robby, you’re what makes all the extra things worth dealing with.” Robby actually turns his face toward him, scouring his expression for a hint of insincerity but he just takes in Robby’s familiar features.

“I’m on antidepressants, I’ve been on them since I was twelve or thirteen but not really steadily and I don't-” he squeezes his eyes shut but it doesn’t stop a tear from rolling down his cheek. “You have depression?” he asks and he can tell the surprise bleeds into his voice because Robby flinches and nods.

“Hey I’m not leaving baby,” he says pulling Robby against his chest “I’m not going anywhere I promise.” His boyfriend sniffles again and curls up under his chin to the point where they’re pressed together at practically every potential point of contact. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it just doesn’t seem important or even real when I’m not in the middle of it,” Robby rambles anxiously as he combs a shaking hand through his hair. “Why don’t we go back? I’ll tell your dad we’re ready to head home and then we can watch a movie or nap or something whatever you need okay? And we can talk more about this whenever you’re ready.”

Robby nods gratefully “Kay Miggy,” he mumbles and already he seems so peaceful and quiet. Rather than making him walk back he takes advantage of the muscles he’s built up over the last couple years of karate training to scoop Robby up bridal style.

When they get back to the hotel room he’s already asleep so he just lays Robby down under the covers and curls up against his back. He lets the tears come now and bites his lip and buries his face in the pillow, fingers twisted in his boyfriend's t-shirt.

He should’ve known or done something except there really isn’t anything he can do except be here and he’s determined that that will happen. It’s stupid to cry about but he doesn’t ever want Robby to hurt, he’s had enough of that already.

Really he’s not as good at crying quietly as Robby but he manages to at least not wake him up even if there are some small noises he can’t choke down. He’ll- they’ll figure this out and it’ll be fine.

Notes:

Things are starting to develop more so I hope everyone enjoys the direction the story is going and waits around to see how it turns out.

Chapter 15: You always try to hide the pain

“Hey babe how’d you get that?” he asks, looking at the long scar running up Robby’s right hip. He’s just gotten out of the shower and there's water clinging to his muscles. He has an easy smile on his face that tightens slightly at the question.

He winces “Sorry you don’t have to answer that” he adds quickly. Robby doesn’t seem upset though, just a little uncomfortable. “No I don’t mind we’re being open with each other now right?” He phrases it like an actual question but it’s not, they did talk about this “You don’t owe me anything.” He tries again but Robby still just looks determined.

“Really Miguel I don’t mind talking about it but I’m going to get dressed first okay.” He can’t help reaching forward from where he’s lounging on his stomach on the queen bed to grab Robby’s hips “But I like you like this- so pretty.” He whines, loving the way Robby’s cheeks flush pink, “How about I put on pants and leave my shirt off? It’ll be a compromise.” He frowns but lets go of Robby, letting him walk over to his suitcase but not without a playful slap on his naked ass that makes him blush darker and mumble something under his breath.

He quickly dries himself off and pulls on some athletic shorts before jumping back on the bed and flopping down across his lap. The fact that it’s not all bad days has actually been a relief, Robby has good days too like today and it’s really nice. He’s not sure how much is due to the fact that Robby had apparently been trying to stave off running out of meds by taking them at random intervals and how much is just that he’d been completely off them for a while now.

But today he’d woken up early and wanted to train so they’d ended up sparring in the grassy area outside their room until Robby had pinned him and he had felt his boyfriends erection against his hip. They’d fucked on the floor the second they got back in the room and again in the shower, it was the first time in over a week that Robby had the energy and it had been so good leaving them both a little blissed out and cozy as the breeze blew through an open window.

Robby’s wet hair is stuck to his chest and he’s still fairly calm and relaxed if slightly anxious as he starts picking at a loose thread on his shorts. “It was my fifteenth birthday. I was at the skatepark alone, things had been pretty bad for a while at that point and my mom kept taking my meds. She did that a lot, I think she just convinced herself I didn’t really need them or that it wouldn’t hurt if she just took a few but it got to the point where she took more than I did and I couldn’t get my prescription refilled as often as I ran out because I wasn’t supposed to be going through the pills that fast. I didn’t have any meds left and my mom passed out at like noon, I didn’t have any friends either and I’d been in a really bad place for a while. I sat on the couch until three am just waiting for my dad to call because he always called on my birthday even when he couldn’t be bothered to show up.”

He kisses Robby’s forehead and tries to blink back tears as his boyfriend smiles slightly against his chest. His eyes are closed and it’s clearly not a pleasant memory to recall, he really should’ve thought this through before asking. The last thing he wants is to make Robby upset when he’d been so sweet and cuddly only minutes ago.

“I won’t finish the story if you don’t want me to, it doesn’t have a good ending,” he says, kissing his collarbone and licking down to his nipple in a way that’s clearly meant to be a distraction. “Robby if you don’t stop I’m going to fuck you again and we’re never going to get through this,” he snorts slightly and bites his nipple lightly before pulling away with a soft lick and settling back against his chest.

His expression turns serious again and he squeezes Robby’s hip as he takes a deep breath before continuing to talk. “I don’t know, I guess I was just really tired and I was in a lot of pain and if this was what I could expect on my birthday I didn’t really want to think of what normal days would be like. It was actually a bit of a relief that they’d both given up on me because that meant I didn’t owe them anything anymore, or at least that’s what I remember thinking. I just wanted everything to be over and I had for so long, that night was just the first time I felt like it wouldn’t be selfish to do what I wanted to do. I walked to the skatepark and left my parents some letters, I figured some of the guys I skated with would bring them to my mom when they found them and then I went to the beach-”

God he doesn’t want to hear this story anymore, he doesn’t. Already his face is wet and he’s barely forcing down the sobs that want to burst out of his chest, he just wants Robby to be happy. “I don’t really like talking about it but I just kept thinking that it would finally be over- but the whole thing hurt so much. I didn’t want to die, all I wanted was to have a future but I didn’t feel like I had that choice. I don’t know, some people talk about feeling numb or wanting everything to go away but it’s never been like that for me. It always hurt and I wanted a family so much, to fall in love and have kids but no one even liked me and I’ve always been so shit at making friends and I kept waiting for things to change and they just never did. I couldn’t take it anymore.”

This time he can’t help but sob out loud and Robby’s crying too, kissing his collarbone again “Fuck this isn’t a very fun story is it? I swear I have fun stories too.” He snorts wetly at that but it sounds more like a sob than anything else. “Why don’t you just finish this up so I can hold you and cry for the next four hours,” Robby smiles sadly and kisses his throat “Okay babe.”

Robby takes a deep breath “I was crying and I stood there for like an hour just hoping someone would come stop me but no one did and so I jumped, I thought it would be high enough but it wasn’t, or maybe I was just lucky. I don’t really remember much. I guess I must have passed out because I woke up on the beach alone. I think the cut was probably from a rock or something but I’m not really sure. I went back to the skatepark and waited for one of the older boys to show up, his name was Luke and I had this huge crush on him. He was always nice and he carried around a first aid kit for whenever one of us would get banged up, he’d given me stitches once before on my elbow so I figured that was my best bet.

I kind of just sat there bleeding all over the place until my dad called at like seven apologizing about missing my birthday because he forgot I mean fuck, he forgot and that meant so much to me it was kind of ridiculous. He said he’d take me out for burgers if I wanted and I told him he could pick me up at the skatepark and I waited for Luke. He got there at like ten and I was about to pass out, luckily he agreed to give me stitches and an hour later I was good to go. I told him I fell when I was sneaking out of my room, I mean I don’t think he believed me but he let it go and gave me his number and told me to call if I ever needed anything. I don’t know if he thought I was mixed up in some stuff or if he thought someone was hitting me or something else completely but he let it go. I met up with my dad for dinner and he gave me a new skateboard and I went home and slept for like four days until I didn’t feel like I was going to do it again. I never told anyone that before.” Robby breathed out harshly, looking down at their intertwined fingers.

He can’t force down the tears this time, and he buries his wet face in Robby’s hair “Oh my god Robby-” his voice cracks as he sobs into his shoulder “Hey Miggy it’s okay I’m right here,” his fingers are digging into Robby’s sides as he tries to force air into his lungs.

His mom used to tell him ignorance was bliss when he asked about his dad and he’d never understood, he does now. “I’m so sorry you never got help, fuck-” he whispers against Robby’s shoulder. His boyfriend just shrugs “It’s fine I won’t do anything like that again because guess what? It didn’t make shit better at all, I just felt worse than before. It wasn’t even the pain really it was being in it alone and I’m not anymore- right?” The hesitancy in Robby’s voice is what finally gets him to pull his shit together.

“No Robby you’re not alone, never again. You have Daniel and Sam and Demetri and Tory and Shawn and your dad and you have me always, even if we break up someday I’ll still be here okay I promise.” Robby nods, turning around and kissing him gently on his cheek before trailing his lips down his neck and collarbone and down his chest to mouth at his nipple again . It’s a pleasant hazy sort of warmth and a part of him wants to stop Robby because he’s heard people say it's bad to use sex as a way to escape difficult situations instead of communicating.

But that’s not really what this is because he talked a little and Robby talked a lot and right now his priority is to make Robby feel safe and comfortable and sex does that for him. “You want this right now?” he asks Robby because honestly he’s still pretty wiped out, Robby hesitates and he remembers how much it had helped Robby last time just to know he was there.

“What if I just- we could just cuddle like last time?” Robby looks confused for a second before blushing “Okay,” he murmurs wriggling out of his shorts and pressing close he flips them over and pushes into Robby in one movement, taking advantage of their earlier activities to slide in without preparation.

He groans and presses back, prompting him to wrap his arms around Robby’s stomach, hand resting on his scarred hip the way he has so many times before. “It doesn’t feel real you know? The scar is the only thing that makes me think it was real.” He rubs his hand over the raised ridge that extends from halfway up Robby’s side to just below his hip, “I love you and I'm really glad you’re here baby.” Robby hums softly “I’m glad I’m here too, with you. I really like you Miggy.” He kisses Robby’s shoulders and rubs a hand through his hair “Sleep baby, we can talk more later,” Robby nods and mutters a quiet “‘kay” under his breath before pressing closer.

Notes:

I know this chapter was sad but it hopefully adds more background to the story and some of Robby's habits Miguel is starting to pick up on.

Chapter 16: You always know just what to say

So things with Robby are actually alright, Johnny still doesn’t have a fucking clue what’s going on but he’s pretty easy to distract so there’s that at least. Actually even if Johnny was just about the most observant person in the world Robby would probably still be able to hide it. He’s really fucking convincing even when he’s barely managing to form words with him Johnny’s appearance is enough to have Robby acting almost normal but it really just eats up energy his boyfriend doesn’t have and leaves him emotional and exhausted.

But the point is that he’s good at it and there's something to the fact that he was willing to let Miguel see all those little moments when things weren’t actually great is both incredibly sweet and terrifying. He wishes Robby would talk to his dad but they’ve actually been getting along better and Robby doesn’t want to mess it up.

He gets it because Johnny might not mean to be a dick but he tends to say every wrong thing possible and Robby isn’t willing to risk things right now.

Still it’s left him trying to explain why Robby is asleep on his dad’s shoulder at four o’clock in the afternoon drooling on Johnny’s Metallica t-shirt because even Johnny thinks that’s weird. He’s currently got a hand on Robby’s shoulders, stroking through his hair and Robby is completely passed out. They were going to go out and get food and Johnny had put the TV on while he was in the shower and when he came back Robby was passed out on Johnny’s chest.

“I know I said Robby was fine but he’s been acting weird right? Like he normally doesn’t sleep this much?” He flinches slightly and grabs Robby’s hand, twisting one of his heavy rings. It’s kind of funny because fiddling with the rings is half the reason his boyfriend wears them and now he’s taken on that habit as well.

“He’s fine,” the lie is heavy on his tongue and he’s never really needed to lie to Johnny before anyway, Robby is infinitely better at it. “I don’t think he’s been sleeping well,” he says quietly. Robby had said something about half truths being the best way to lie and that was fairly accurate. “What, is he okay? Is he having nightmares?” and yeah he is having nightmares but he doesn’t know if Robby would want Johnny to know that and he’d already sort of outed them with the nicknames even though Johnny had promised not to say anything to Robby until he brought it up.

He feels awful about it too because Robby really doesn’t trust anyone besides him and he fucked up something important massively and with Robby only having the will to get out bed every few days he doesn’t want to push him right now. Robby’s actually way more confident in his sexuality than he is because he’d always preferred boys and he’d also made peace with his feelings for Sam and Tory even though they’d both eventually decided they were better as friends. The point however is that he is entirely more unsure about his sexuality because prior to Robby’s pretty lips around his cock he’d sort of thought he was straight because while he thought guys were hot he hadn’t ever had feelings before this.

So Robby’s confident in his sexuality and he is not while he is confident that Johnny will be fine (apart from a few misplaced jokes no doubt) and Robby is not. Long story short he knows he screwed up and he’s making what he considers a valid effort not to mess up again.

“I can grab food and bring it back here since you’re occupied if you want,” he offers in an effort to distract Johnny. His hand is still cradling the back of Robby’s head, fingers rubbing circles against his neck. “He is having nightmares then?” He feels his shoulders slump “yeah.” he really hopes that isn’t something Robby wouldn’t want him to say but it’s hard to know because he never specifically says not to tell Johnny things and before he told Johnny everything.

“Fuck,” Johnny says as he tilts his head back “he used to have nightmares when he was a kid, back when Shan still let him come to my house. He’d just scream and scream, I told him to leave the light on until he went back to sleep and he asked me to stay and I told him to toughen up and go back to sleep like a real man. God I didn’t even think about it but one time he was extra upset and I felt bad after going back to bed and leaving him alone so I went back to make sure he was sleeping alright and it had been at least two hours and he was still just sitting there with his back against the headboard and his knees pulled up to his chest crying into his pillow. He was inconsolable like- completely panicked and I sat there with him but he just wouldn’t calm down or talk and it took me another hour to get him to stop and when I went to the bathroom to see if there were painkillers for his headache there was vomit in the toilet because he forgot to flush and there was bloody toilet paper in the trash. The whole thing was terrifying, god I’ve never felt worse in my life and when I brought him home and tried to talk to Shan she just got pissed and said he wasn’t sleeping at my house anymore and asked what the fuck was wrong with me and told me I had to be careful with him like he was something breakable, he was ten I think. God I’m an awful father.”

He kind of blinks up at Johnny in shock, what the fuck kind of signal is he sending out to make everyone share stories about his boyfriend that make him want to lock Robby in his bedroom and never let him out and never let anything hurt him again as long as he lives.

“That’s pretty shitty,” he says before wincing because probably not the most tactful way to approach this. Actually he’s good at dealing with Johnny and with Robby separately but the gray area where they overlap is so fucking confusing. “Yeah,” Johnny agrees. “I mess up every time but that might’ve been one of the worst, is it still like that?” He can hear a quiet sort of desperation he doesn’t understand in Johnny’s voice and something about it just feels like he should tell the truth.

“Sometimes it is but I’m pretty good at getting him to calm down,” half truths or rather very undescriptive truth because technically that is all true but when the nightmares get bad it’s kind of terrifying and it makes his heart shatter so hard he can’t breathe through it. God Robby deserves the entire world and he’s going to make sure he gets that.

“Good,” Johnny says dejectedly, tightening his hands in Robby’s shirt as he drools on Johnny’s jacket. He can’t help but smile a little at them, he’s glad they’re doing better even if he doesn’t know the details of what changed. The fact that Robby is so hesitantly hopeful about this thing with his dad makes him feel all soft and mushy inside.

“Dad,” Robby mumbles, his eyes barely cracked open and wincing at the light like he has a headache which he probably does considering he hasn’t eaten anything in at least a day “Hey kiddo you good?” Johnny asks, kissing his forehead. His eyes are sleepy and his hands are fisted in his dad’s shirt. “Can I stay here?” he asks through a yawn before freezing. He pulls away from Johnny and fixes his eyes on the ground “Fuck I’m sorry I’ll go back to my room,” he mutters painfully.

“Hey Robby you can stay it’s fine,” Robby still looks panicked but so exhausted he’s wobbling on his feet and Johnny is standing now with his arms extended like he can catch him if he tumbles over, it’s probably a good thing too, one of them has to do it. “I don’t want to get in the way,” Robby mutters thickly even as he wobbles on his feet and clutches Johnny's jacket. “You won’t be in the way, Robby I promise. We could even watch a movie or something. He nods but his eyes are glazed over in the way he sometimes gets when he’s really tired or really upset and can’t quite separate reality from whatever is going on in his head.

“Hey baby, why don’t you sit down and eat something?” he asks hesitantly but Robby shakes his head. “Not hungry I just want to sleep,” he’s going to protest but Johnny’s already steering Robby toward his bed. His boyfriend literally collapses, curling up in a little ball the way he always does when he’s not sleeping with someone.

Johnny brushes back his hair and tenderly kisses his forehead “don’t go,” Robby whispers, clutching Johnny’s hand. The pain in his chest increases in a way he’s almost getting used to that only happens when Robby does something that makes him think about how much his boyfriend deserves better. “Yeah okay,” Johnny says, propping himself up against the headboard as Robby moves closer until his head is in his dad's lap.

He grabs his phone and snaps a photo of the two of them before flopping down on the couch where Top Gun is playing muted, it’s one of Robby’s favorites because he had a huge crush on Tom Cruise when he was a kid.

Johnny still looks slightly terrified but he figures it’s probably good for him as long as he has supervision in the case of something going horribly wrong, still he misses Robby’s warmth and sweet smell of vanilla and rain as he tries to fall asleep alone for the first time in what feels like years.

Notes:

Oh my god I have had the longest day, so glad this was all written already so I still have something to post. Had lots of hard conversations with my younger sister who I've tried so hard to protect and I just feel like I'm failing her even though I know it's not my fault and I can honestly not put into words how stressed I am about college.

Anyway, ignore my mini rant I'm just overwhelmed but I hope you all enjoy the chapter and it distracts you all from any chaos you're experiencing in your personal lives.

Chapter 17: I always look the other way

It’s been a really bad night, Robby has been in bed most of the day and he’s near unresponsive, part of him wonders how things got so bad so fast except it wasn’t fast really he’d just been blind. Every warning sign had been there, Robby hadn’t hidden it from him; he'd ignored it because he’d wanted just this one part of his life to be easy and free of drama.

But relationships aren’t easy and he wasn’t lying to Robby when he said he thought this would last, he knows how juvenile it sounds but it’s not like when he thought he and Sam would be together forever with that foolish childish belief that led to him tearing apart his life when he knew it wasn’t going to work.

Robby’s different, he’s not easy but he doesn’t care because he loves him with his entire heart and it’s worth the effort. He understands now when people say that relationships take work, love doesn’t erase that it just makes it worth it and Robby is worth everything.

But he hates himself for ignoring it because it was easier, it’s not easier now with Robby’s face pressed against his chest after finally crying himself to sleep. There had been so many warning signs that something was wrong, endless self-deprecating comments, how when he’d said the ocean was full of lost things Robby had said that’s what he liked about it, the way he’d been so surprised and resistant to the fact that Miguel liked him, that anyone could like him.

God he just wanted to go back in time and get rid of everything that had ever hurt his boyfriend including the way he’d originally approached their relationship, he doesn’t want to be just another person who makes him curl into himself at night and wake screaming because he thinks he’s alone.

He’ll figure out a way to fix this, to make the world a place where Robby doesn’t have to be hurt. He’ll get their friends to accept him back with open arms and Robby will be back on his antidepressants and he’ll have fewer nightmares and fewer bad days and they’ll go on their skateboarding date and things won’t be perfect but they’ll be better.

He kisses his cheeks where dried tear streaks are visible on his skin, tiny white particles of salt clinging to his eyelashes. “God Robby I’ll take care of you I promise, I love you so fucking much.'' he whispers against his boyfriend's damp hair, he’d practically had to drag him into the shower but it had been four days and he smelled. It’s worth it to have Robby’s warm vanilla scented hair pressed under his chin. “I promise,” he whispers again even though Robby can’t hear him.

Notes:

Sorry for the short filler chapter but I wanted to kind of depict a moment of Miguel realizing how much he dismissed and really how much Robby is struggling as they're both clearly mature topics that he hasn't been exposed to a lot as a sixteen year old and also to better explain his feeling of guilt and anxiety around Robby's mental illness.

Also, this is a bit of a floating chapter but I'm too lazy to try and tie it into the story better so bear with me okay?

Chapter 18: I'm blind, I'm blind

“Can we just stay in bed today?” Robby whispers against his collarbone, he squeezes his eyes shut and kisses his boyfriend's forehead, brushing back the soft brown bangs that always fall in his eyes when he doesn’t gel back his hair. “Babe your dad’s getting suspicious, unless you want to tell him we might have to figure something else out,” Robby flinches and keens “Miggy I can’t” he whispers brokenly.

He has to take a deep breath to keep from crying at the absolute pleading tone of his voice he sounds so desperate it breaks his heart. “Okay baby I’ll take care of it,” he replies softly as Robby curls back against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles thickly “I’m such a fucking mess I can’t even- you deserve more. We’re in a forgien country and you’ve been staying inside with me practically all the time for days and I feel like shit-” his voice breaks on the last word, muffling a sob against his chest.

Oh god he hates these days, he wants Robby to be okay so badly “You’re not a mess you’re precious to me Robby and when we get home soon you’ll be able to get back on your meds and things will be better okay? I promise things will get better, and you’re allowed to have bad days regardless.” He says as he strokes his hair.

He can tell Robby has more to say but he’s clearly exhausted. “Sleep Robby I’ll call your dad and we can stay in bed today,” he nods and sniffles against his chest as he runs his fingers through his hair, kissing his forehead and pulling out his phone.

He hates to do this, everyday Robby doesn’t feel well enough to travel. Is another day before he’s back on his meds and he needs them badly. He quickly dials Johnny’s number and he picks up right away “Why aren’t you two down here?” he clutches the phone tighter in his hand and takes a deep breath. “You know I was thinking we could stay another day in this town, it’s nice.” He looks down at Robby’s guilty expression and winces, kissing his forehead.

“You were the ones that decided we needed to be home as soon as possible, without telling me why I might add.” Johnny complains as he winds his hand through Robby’s hair and pushes his face further into his chest, cooing at him until his breathing calms slightly before picking the phone up again. “Look to be honest with you Robby didn’t sleep well but he’s out now and I thought it would be better to let him rest.”

Johnny agrees quickly after that and Robby whispers a tiny quiet “thanks,” in response before closing his eyes.

He just wants him to smile again and blush when they hold hands like he had in the beginning, all sweetness and save the desperate need for affection for sex and cuddling and he wants to hear Robby laugh again. It kind of makes him feel awful that they’re not closer to home because he can’t force himself to drag Robby out of bed when it causes him so much pain, he can force him to shower or eat but the thought of forcing him to be in the car for hours when he can barely speak- he can’t do that and he hopes that’s not a mistake because it feels like it might be.

“Robby sweetheart I gotta run over to Johnny’s really quick but I’ll be right back okay?” he asks softly as Robby nods dejectedly into his pillow. It takes a ridiculous amount of effort to untangle himself from his boyfriend who lets out these tiny pained breaths as he pulls away, Robby’s biceps bulge from how hard he’s clutching the pillow and arousal stirs in his belly at the hard muscles covered in silky smooth skin. He’s so acting on that urge when Robby feels better.

For now he slips out of their room and into Johnny’s next door where he digs the leftover rice and tortillas out, it’s a kind of pitiful food wise but they’d been planning on leaving early this morning and Johnny who is the only one with money is still passed out in bed, obviously he’d taken advantage of the fact that they were staying to sleep.

If he thought there was any chance of getting Robby to eat more he’d wake him up but honestly he’s lucky to get him to eat anything these days. He heats everything up in the microwave for a second before walking back to their room and flopping down on the bed, shaking Robby’s shoulder.

Robby’s muscles tense and he groans into the pillow as he kisses across his broad shoulders and down his spine to the waistband of his boxers “fine,” he mumbles “I’m getting up.” He tosses Robby one of his hoodies and flops down behind him on the bed, kneeling there as he pulls on the hoodie.

“Eat,” he says pointing at the plate, Robby visibly winces but doesn’t bother telling him he’s not hungry instead he just picks up the pitiful rice burrito type thing he made and starts eating slowly. He wraps his arms around Robby’s stomach and kisses his messy hair. It’s tousled from tossing and turning all night but if he didn’t know that’s what it was from he’d think it was cute, well it is cute, it looks like his hair after they have sex.

Even with dark shadows under his dull green eyes he offers him a tiny smile and cranes his neck so they can press their mouths together. When they separate he goes back to just soothingly rubbing Robby’s shoulders as he eats, he’s about three quarters of the way through the burrito type thing when he stops eating. “I’m sorry I can’t-”' Honestly he’s surprised he even ate that much.

Still sucks though “That’s okay baby I’ll reheat it for your lunch,” he nods hesitantly and he offers his boyfriend a tentative smile, kissing him softly before he can apologize again. “It’s okay baby you’re doing your best, just sleep now.” Robby nods dejectedly as he cradles his head, pushing his ear against his heart and running his fingers through the soft brown hair.

Robby’s out in like forty five seconds and he’s left alone to mull over his thoughts, he looks at the leftover rice burrito that is the only food he’s managed to get Robby to eat in a day like it’s a metaphor for all his failures. Maybe it is, maybe he should’ve bought more food and made Robby eat it, maybe he should tell Johnny or force Robby into the car the next time. It’s kind of fucking ridiculous because he doesn’t know how to make Robby feel safe and supported while also taking care of him in ways he might not want right now.

It’s pathetic but he just wants his own bed and a warm home cooked meal and to talk to his mom because she always knows what to do and she has a good heart even if she doesn’t particularly care for Robby. He wants that bottle of orange pills for Robby more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life because he’s read about antidepressants extensively and he knows it won’t fix everything but it’ll make things better and Robby deserves better.

He deserves someone who isn’t stumbling around blindfolded in the dark pretending he knows how to be an anchor when he’s barely keeping it together himself. He wants to be a support system but he can’t be the only one, that’s not fair to either of them.

Notes:

I decided to update quickly since the last one was so short. This is page 67/200 on my google doc 😂

Chapter 19: In your eyes

“I just feel like I’m letting you down sometimes,” he says as he stares at the water stained beige ceiling. Robby is lying on his back next to him naked in bed and he quickly props himself up on one elbow, looking down on him in surprise.

“What are you talking about?” he asks and his voice is heavy and careful and nothing like his barely strung together babbling from two minutes ago. He really needs to work on his timing. “I don’t know we can talk later,” he adds, avoiding Robby’s searing gaze “wait what's wrong why’d you say that?” Robby asks and his hesitation is almost tangible in the air.

“Babe it’s really not a-” Robby is kissing him before he can keep talking, he starts trailing open mouthed kisses down his torso and murmuring a quiet “not stopping until you talk.” He doesn’t push Robby off right away because it feels nice until he starts mouthing at his oversensitive flaccid cock.

“Yeah okay you win,” he says, pushing away Robby’s head as he grins at him unabashedly. “Talk now, your honesty rule goes both ways” he can’t help but smile as he grips Robby’s ass and rolls him over onto his stomach so he’s sprawled across his chest.

His green eyes are shining as he drags a hand over his mouth, wiping away spit. It should be gross, he should have the teenage freakout when he realizes sex isn’t as pretty and put together as it is in porn like he had with Sam. They’d talked about everything extensively first, like legitimately talked about everything (which might be actually be beneficial if he were to do it with Robby who was definitely into kinkier stuff than what they’ve tried) but probably wasn’t necessary for fumbling first time sex where they’d both freaked out a little about how messy and not pretty it can be. Well the point is that Robby makes the messiness pretty, even when he’s sweaty and drooling he’s beautiful.

“You’re still distracted aren’t you?” Robby asks, smiling nervouly down at him “yeah babe sex with you has that effect,” he mutters. Robby’s blush is pretty and he just wants to kiss his cheek but he can’t angle his neck that way with how Robby is still lying on top of him, pinning him to the bed.

He tucks a strand of Robby’s hair behind his ear instead “I just feel like I’m failing you. I know you’ve been feeling really good for the last few days and I know you think it’s gonna stick b-but when you weren’t-” He takes a deep breath and before he can say they’ll talk later Robby is kissing him “We can talk about this, actually I think it’s important that we talk about it and I’m not going to break or whatever it is you’re worrying your pretty little head about. I’m not going to say that bad things don’t make it worse or more likely or whatever but I’m not just going to break. I’m actually good at looking out for myself, I mean I know it doesn’t seem like that but I manage and I’ve managed before when things were much worse with very few disastrous decisions on my end excluding the one big incident and a few minor inc-” He’s covering Robby’s mouth before he can really process and his boyfriend winces “Yeah I got it, I’m shutting up you can talk now,” he says with a gentle sigh.

“I don’t know how to comfort you and make sure you’re being taken care of at the same time like- I don’t know how much to make you eat and shower and whether to make you do things or not because I want to make you feel better and I don’t want to be the one making you do things because I don’t want to hurt you-” Robby’s eyes are wide in surprise and he finally cuts him off.

“But it’s not like that at all! You’re perfect and you push at all the right times and I know I’m difficult when things get bad and I kind of suck but things were so much better than they’ve ever been. When I was a kid my mom thought it was cute when I got like this, I mean she worried but she thought it was just me being sensitive and she was convinced it was somehow proof that my dad hadn’t rubbed off on me. I mean it took her walking in on me with razor blades to realize anything was wrong- fuck I’m not helping am I? My point is just that you’re perfect, you noticed something was wrong and you made an effort to help and that’s all I’ve ever wanted from anyone, the fact that you got things right was like an added bonus and I know it shouldn’t fall on you to like take care of me and I’m sorry that I can’t just be okay because I really want to be but not being okay with you was better than being okay by myself ever has been. I really like you and I’m so sorry you felt this way but please believe me when I tell you that you’ve done everything right you’re perfect to me- for me and I’m really happy with you even if my brain doesn’t always remember it.”

He has to take a deep breath as he kisses Robby senseless, his tears falling onto his boyfriend's face as he flips them over so he’s on top, showering kisses down on Robby’s face and hair.

“You’re not difficult baby and you don’t suck and I’m so sorry about your parents because they do- suck that is. Also, you gotta stop breaking my heart so casually like give me a warning or something before you say stuff like that. And I don’t mind looking after you, it just scares me when it’s all on me because I don’t want to mess up but this actually made me feel better.” Robby smiles a bit self-consciously as he tends to babble a lot after sex especially considering how quiet and reserved he usually is.
It’s sweet and kind of funny and as long as Robby is okay he’s okay, the rest of the details can be worked out later.

Robby curls up on his chest and kisses the underside of his jaw, rubbing a thumb over the scruff from a few days of not shaving “I like this,” he mumbles and it makes heat pool in his stomach “Robby,” he moans, arching his back. He smiles and kisses him quickly “Tomorrow okay? More sex and more talking tomorrow because right now I’m tired,” he nods and kisses Robby again “tease,” he mutters biting Robby’s shoulder lightly as they roll over so he’s spooning him. “Night sweetheart,” he says against Robby’s salty skin “night,” he says in return but Miguel’s pretty sure neither of them are actually planning to go to sleep.

Notes:

I'm sorry I know it's been a minute; I had a Christmas one shot I wanted to post but time got away from me. As for this chapter I did edit it but it was while I was watching TV so I was distracted, and I don't know how well it flows.

On the bright side I did open commissions so I have a form if anyone is interested, the money will help me pay for either college or a service dog! Here's the link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdcyQquFPZom9lvzVKuW_cJznkBcclBt8xSl_GbwfJmuOsG8w/viewform

Chapter 20: You lie, but I don't let it define you

Notes:

I have open commissions for Cobra Kai and other fandoms if anyone is interested! It's about $10 per thousand words and I'll link the google form with all the info to request a commission below if you want to support me 🤍 You can also reach out to me on tumblr at seeker-of-stories19.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1hQRxvp9vGx234z2YS-BRbdVMeX0KH6kZhf4_jJiTKnU/edit

Robby lies a lot, it’s something he notices more now that he understands some of what his boyfriend is going through.

He lies about what he likes sometimes when he or Johnny asks because he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings or doesn’t think he’s allowed to actually have an opinion. It’s mostly little lies and a lot of the time he’s trying to make other people feel better about things but the part that makes him nervous is when Robby lies about food.

He wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t spent the last week and a half to two weeks forcing him to eat but now he knows all his little tells. Like the fact that he clenches his jaw when he’s chewing food he doesn’t like and how he’ll kind of gag when he’s trying to swallow and he moves things around on his plate to make it look like he ate but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

It’s not that he doesn’t eat, it's just that he does it weirdly enough to make Miguel worry. Then there are times where he’ll stash food in weird places, chips, granola bars, beef jerky, things he doesn’t even like all that much but he sticks them in jacket pockets and his suitcase and in the door pockets on the car.

Also he’s pretty sure he’s never finished a meal that he’s seen, no matter how big or small he leaves half of it in a box in the hotel fridge.

Robby doesn’t like lying and he never lies about big things, ever. No matter what he asks or how personal it is Robby takes it in stride it’s only the little things he lies about and he does it almost out of habit, like he doesn’t know how to stop.

Maybe he shouldn’t worry so much, lately Robby’s had more good days than bad and he’s been eating again which is an improvement but it’s still odd and after weeks of pushing aside Robby’s weird things until they got out of control he doesn’t want to do that again.

But he’s also worried he’s reading too much into it and honestly he’s tired too and he needs to mellow out because it’s not a problem right now. He just really hopes it stays that way.

Notes:

I'm so sorry, I hate publishing these super short filler chapters but since the idea is to do a chapter for each lyric there are unfortunately a lot of random filler chapters like this, although they will make more sense as the story develops, they're just short and annoying right now. Anyway, I'll try to update quickly since the story picks up more in a few more chapters.

Chapter 21: Oh, define you

Robby has his back against the headboard and he’s reading The Little Prince again, he reads that book like it’s the bible. His copy is kind of falling apart despite the fact that he treats it like it’s made of glass. “Hey babe, did you want this?” he asks, holding up some granola bar he’d found in his hoodie pocket that he’s ninety percent sure Robby doesn’t like.

“I mean not right now but I was saving it,” he mumbles, looking up from the book carefully. “Do you even like these because last time you ate one you looked like you wanted to puke.” Robby flinches “Not really but we had them and I’m not going to throw it out,” he says like that’s somehow obvious, looking down at the book again. “Babe I’ll just throw it out if you’re not going to eat it-”

Suddenly Robby is throwing down the book and grabbing the bar out of his hand “Don’t throw it away! What if we need that later?” He’s almost raising his voice and Miguel flinches a bit watching Robby cautiously. He freezes and his hands shake as he lowers them back to his sides, face flushed in humiliation as he refuses to make eye contact. “I’m sorry I’m being an asshole aren’t I? I just don’t throw away food.” Frowning he climbs up on the bed so he’s sitting opposite Robby “Hey can we talk about this because I want to talk about this,” His boyfriend flinches again but nods.

“We just didn’t have a lot of food around when I was a kid. Food was something to worry about after my mom paid the bills and bought booze and drugs and we never had enough leftover for me. I guess she just didn’t think about it because she pretty much lived off of what guys bought her on dates and she’d bring leftovers home for me sometimes, half a slice of cake, a few bites of steak, cold potatoes, candy bars, chips, that sort of thing. It wasn’t like I was going hungry, there just wasn’t ever enough.”

He places a hand on Robby’s knee and squeezes gently, apparently he has no shortage of heartbreaking stories. And it’s not exactly like he’s had an easy life, he remembers living in the back room of his cousins house in Ecuador with his mom and Yaya, the two of them sharing a bed and him sleeping on the floor. He remembers living in a new country where he hadn’t spoken the language and how his mom had worked several jobs before eventually pursuing her nursing degree.

It had been a long road to get to their little apartment complex in Reseda with three separate bedrooms and leftovers in the fridge but he’d always known he was loved, and his mom had always found ways to put food on the table. So while his childhood may not have been easy but it had been good. It really wasn’t until Robby that he realized how important that distinction was.

“But we have plenty of food now and I promise your dad has food at home, I mean I would know I do bring it over.” Robby snorts and leans forward, cupping his jaw “I’m fine, it’s honestly just a habit, you can throw the bar away if you want.”

He kisses him and grabs the granola bar “It’s fine I’ll eat it,” Robby seems almost visibly relieved as he drags him against his side so he’s leaning his head on his shoulder. He dutifully eats the leftover food as Robby strokes a hand through his hair while propping the book up on his thigh where his legs are tossed over Robby’s. The bar sticks to the roof of his mouth like wet sand but he swallows anyway and he’ll eat as much crappy food as it takes to make Robby comfortable and he’s smiling so it doesn’t matter.

This doesn’t explain everything, doesn’t explain the scarier parts of Robby’s behavior but they’re taking small steps and that’s a start, that matters, especially with everything in their past. Robby kisses his forehead and he feels the warmth through his whole body, like sunlight.

Someday these soft moments and the things they’re learning about each other will outweigh all the bad things they’ve done to each other but until then these little steps are slowly lessening the distance between them and for now that’s enough.

Notes:

I am so sorry, I literally wrote everything before starting to post so people wouldn’t have to wait so long between chapters but life’s been crazy. I just got into college for next year so I’m trying to figure out how to pay for that and a service dog while also applying for new jobs because my seasonal retail job is super inconsistent. Anyway, I’m so sorry and I’ll try really hard to do now frequent updates 💛💛💛

To people who are still reading you all mean so much to me.

Chapter 22: I tried to find love

Notes:

Please check the recently added tags 💛

“You’re a good boyfriend Miggy,” Robby laughs, looking down at the ring in his hand with a soft expression on his face. His eyes are shining and his cheeks are slightly pink- if he’d known giving Robby gifts would make him look this happy he would’ve done it way sooner, even if it was just a ring he’d picked up from some little shop on a street corner. “I’ve never had one of those before,” he giggles, turning his cheek down and planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I’m glad you like it baby but I gotta admit I’m a little jealous you had a boyfriend before me,” he teases, surprised when Robby shudders slightly and his smile falls “Don’t be.” He forces a small grin back onto his face as he slides the ring onto his left ring finger, the motion makes his heart jump and Robby blushes again “Only free finger,” he mutters, laying back on his chest and kicking at the sand. Robby’s skin is nice and cool from swimming and his hair drips a little onto his chest as the sun beats down on them.

“So you had a boyfriend before me?” He asks again because he’s a very curious person but he at least makes an effort to be sensitive when Robby flinches a second time, twisting his new ring anxiously as he props himself up on one elbow, looking nervous. “His name was Jason, we got together when I was thirteen, he was sixteen and we were together for two years.” Robby says quietly, squirming a bit so his legs are spread more, he’s pretty heavy, or it’s just because he’s laying completely on top of him with his legs on either side of his thigh but it’s nice.

“We don’t actually have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” he adds because he’s clearly not recalling a good relationship and he doesn’t mean to push Robby as often or as hard as he sometimes does. “Nah it’s fine, he had a hard life I guess. Rich, beautiful, absent parents and an empty house. He partied a lot but I liked taking care of him, made me feel useful. Still I was just a kid and being with him meant I’d have food and a nice cushy bed and someone who cared if I was there or not.”

He winces a bit and runs his hand through Robby’s damp brown hair as he hums in pleasure, he’s like a cat, always purring when he’s happy or at least when he’s comfortable. “I’m sorry mi amor,” Robby shrugs like it’s nothing “Sounds like he was an asshole,” that makes Robby snort and he nods his head in agreement.

“It wasn’t a good relationship, most nights I’d just sit in his room waiting for the party to end. Lots of times it would even be late enough that I had fallen asleep in my clothes on top of the covers but he’d always wake me up when he was done with whatever scene he had planned out.” Robby must see his look of confusion because he laughs, “Sorry um he was really into BDSM, like we’d talk about it first and it was technically always consensual but I didn’t like it- dreaded it actually. I mean I could’ve stopped it at any time but whenever I used my safeword he’d get all quiet and disappointed, leave me to clean myself up and I’ve always hated making people upset. I tried really hard to just take it after that, I did whatever he wanted for years and then he turned eighteen and broke up with me because I was still underage, no warning or anything. I mean I relied on him for everything, food, shelter, company, money. My dad was god knows where, my mom was taking off every other week. I didn't even have a job because he paid our bills and he just left when he couldn’t have sex with me anymore.”

He winces and kind of wracks his brain for anything he knows about BDSM which is nothing but he’s scared to think about the things Robby might’ve gone through and at thirteen, that’s so incredibly fucked up he doesn’t want to think about it but he doesn’t think it’s helpful to tell him that.

“You’re just full of nice stories aren’t you?” He asks gently and Robby laughs a bit wetly “Oh yeah my childhood is full of lovely anecdotes, like the time-” he covers his mouth and shakes his head “I think we’ve got to limit your childhood stories to once a day babe.” He adds making Robby smile again and dig his toes into the sand, kissing his chest where his head is resting.

“It wasn’t all bad you know, my dad was actually fun when he was around and sometimes my mom would go through brief phases where she’d have a job and she’d pay the bills and I’d stay home. She’d teach me to dance and we’d watch 80s movies and she’d tell me we didn’t need guys, didn’t ever last with either of them but it was nice.” He smiles sadly and shoves Robby’s good shoulder “All right up you get, we’re going swimming.”

Robby brightens up immediately “Really?” he asks excitedly, jumping up and dragging him across the beach toward the waves. He feels the anxiety at getting in the water which he isn’t exactly more fond of now that he knows Robby almost drowned in the ocean trying to kill himself but he’s desperate to take advantage of Robby’s slowly improving mood. “I’m not going where I can’t touch,” he adds as he’s tugged him into the water. Robby just nods rapidly and pulls him into a kiss, still pulling him deeper as he digs his fingers into his boyfriends biceps making him laugh.

“Oh my god you’re so cute when you're scared,” Roby coos, bouncing up and down in excitement and splashing water everywhere “Okay chill out babe I’m in the water.” His anxiety is irrational and unrelenting but it’s worth it to see Robby so happy, turns out he’s practically a fish but he’s cute and happy and so fucking hot with water clinging to his abs.

By the time night falls Robby’s passed out on his stomach on top of the covers, tired from the beach, and he finally has a chance to look up BDSM stuff. It’s not like he’s completely clueless or anything but holy shit this stuff is crazy, and he feels vaguely nauseous at the thought of Robby doing any of this at thirteen. Especially because he didn’t even like it.

It’s hard to find information that’s not just porn but he kind of just goes on a deep dive, trying to understand some of the language Robby used and some of the things he finds make him think of scars he’d seen on Robby’s body and things he’s said and done during sex and after sex and how he’d acted in the beginning when it had just been sex and how he’d clung to him afterward and all variety of things he feels shitty about already even without the additional information.

He stays up until 3:45 a.m. researching BDSM and feeling increasingly more sick until finally his phone dies and he drags Robby under the covers and clings to him as he mumbles something quiet and falls back to sleep.

His face is relaxed and his lips are pink and slightly parted as he breathes softly, his hair falls across his forehead and his fingers are curled around his wrist and he looks younger and he is never going to let anything hurt this boy again, karate war be damned. From now on Robby is his priority, not Miyagi-Do or Cobra Kai or Eagle Fang or anything else, it’s Robby first and as long as they work out everything else just isn’t as important.

Notes:

Alright the plot is going to start picking up again…

Chapter 23: In someone else too many times

“Sam texted you,” Robby says with forced calm as he tosses the phone on the bed but he can hear the insecurity in his voice and sure enough he’s got his hands tucked under his arms in a pose of forced casualness.

“That’s weird, I haven’t talked to her for weeks.” Robby nods but his jaw is clenched and he’s staring at the ground. When he glances at the text it just says ‘when will you be back, things are crazy here, we need both of you.’ Well that’s very Sam of her, always straight and to the point when she’s upset. She could’ve at least checked in on Robby, and the fact that he’s more upset about her attitude toward him than their own messy breakup is a little ridiculous.

But he also knows that Robby and Sam were friends and that she’d screwed things up between them about a thousand times. “Babe it’s nothing, she just wants her two best soldiers back for war,” he flinches as soon as he says it because a war analogy, probably not the best choice for someone who’s been locked up with Kreese and Silver’s particular brand of crazy for months.

“Sorry,” he adds but Robby is already shrugging and moving closer to him, peering at the message “I miss her,” he says sadly “she was the first real friend I ever had.” God why does everything Robby do have to break his heart? He just loves him too much which is kinda on brand for him. He gets attached quickly and latches on to the people he loves, he’s not inconsistent or anything, when he gets attached he’s loyal to a fault but he tends to overwhelm people with how quick and intensely he feels those things. It’s part of why him and Robby work so well, he has so much to give and Robby is never overwhelmed with the ‘too much’ response he seems to trigger in other people. He hasn’t ever had that love or affection and he absolutely wants as much of it as he can absorb before things change again because deep down he still thinks this is temporary.

Sam had been the opposite in every way, she’d already had everything and she hadn’t needed Miguel, he had nothing to offer her that she wasn’t getting already or at least couldn’t from someone else.

“Sam’s a good person, a little naive and spoiled sometimes but she’s sweet and I loved her so much from the beginning. She was my first girlfriend, my first everything really and I was so excited I moved too fast. I pushed to meet her family and you were there and I just thought you were so hot there was no way she wouldn’t prefer you. I ruined everything because I thought you were beautiful and it made me so jealous- I was just a stupid kid and I was drunk and I didn’t stop to think about anything-” He says, trying to remember what the hell was going through his head.

He had truly cared about Sam but his fear of losing her had overpowered that, then there was the second time when they’d tried so hard to get back what they’d had in the beginning of their relationship and it hadn’t worked. The dates were weird, kissing was weird, sex was weird so they focused all their attention on training instead and obviously that didn’t change the fact that they weren’t the same people anymore. And he’ll always care about her, as cliche as it sounds, but he and Sam were only ever going to work in a low stakes environment, the perfect teen love story but it wasn’t ever going to last and maybe that’s why he held onto it so hard.

“You really loved her,” Robby says softly “I never realized you loved her so much.” He’s looking at his hands with a frown on his face and of course Robby doesn’t want to hear about how much he loved Sam, he should know his boyfriend better than that. “I love you more, with Sam she was my first everything but we were never meant to last.” Robby just shrugs, running a hand through his slicked back hair.

“Still first is special, what do I get?” And he knows Robby doesn’t mean it literally but he really does just get attached quickly and permanently, which doesn’t necessarily make what he says next smarter “You could be last.”

Robby snorts but he’s blushing and twisting the ring he gave him yesterday that is still on his left ring finger “That was cheesy, even for you.” He laughs at that, pulling Robby against his side and kissing his forehead “Maybe if I’m lucky someday it’ll be true,” he adds and Robby snorts wetly and presses his face against Miguel’s shoulder, arms coming around his waist.

“I really hope you don’t change your mind,” and all he wants in the world is to promise Robby that won’t happen but one of Robby’s few steadfast boundaries is no promises, and he respects his boyfriend way too much to ignore that. Instead he just kisses Robby’s forehead and whispers “I love you,” softly into his ear.

Notes:

Another chapter!!! I’m sorry I update so slow I’ve been really overwhelmed but there’s lots more to come, we’re not even half way through yet so that’s good at least!

Chapter 24: But I hope you know I mean it (mean it)

Robby’s sleeping late which might be fine but every time he does it makes Miguel wonder if he’s going to refuse to get out of bed. He’s been mostly fine, it’s not like it’s gone he knows that’s not how it works but Robby had been so bad and now he’s doing much better and he’s scared of him falling back into the darkness if he so much as blinks.

He’s supposed to be on medication so it doesn’t get unmanageable again and he tries not to think about it but Robby’s clothes are spilling out of his duffel bag and next to his leather jacket there’s an empty orange bottle sitting on the floor.

Before he can work himself up anymore Robby makes an awkward purring noise and sticks his face between Miguel’s thighs “s’ bright,” he mutters, stretching like a cat. His muscles move fluidly under smooth pale skin that doesn’t seem to darken no matter how long he spends in the sun, and he grins lazily up at him and it’s so good to know he’s okay.

“My ass hurts,” Robby informs him casually, squirming around more to try and get comfortable and flinching “I’m sorry, '' he murmurs, trying to blink back the ridiculous tears that brim in his eyes as Robby grimaces and shifts again. “S’ not your fault, well technically it is but-” Robby finally glances up and he must see the sheen of tears on his cheeks because he’s sitting up and turning around and cupping his cheeks.

“Hey Miggy what’s wrong? I’m fine you didn’t hurt me.” Rough fingers trace his jaw and wipe the tears away gently as he leans into Robby’s hand, his palms are calloused from fighting and surfing and skateboarding but so gentle, he’s always so gentle. “I didn't mean to be rough,” he says again even as Robby shakes his head “I’m fine, just sore so why are you freaking out?” The words themselves are a little harsh but Robby’s voice is just confused and his hands are careful.

“You just- you told me about your boyfriend and I don’t ever want to make you feel- like that. I don’t ever want to hurt you, you have so much on your plate already and I know you’re feeling better but you’re still off your meds and I’m so scared it won’t last and-” Robby covers his mouth with a hand.

“Miguel I’ve been feeling much better, why are you so worried? And as for sex I’m honestly fine, I promise I like everything we do together- if that wasn’t clear, I was under the impression I was being loud but apparently-” This time he’s the one to cover Robby’s mouth, his stupid smirk softening to a more subdued smile. “You’re plenty loud baby,” he says which at least makes Robby blush, stupid arrogant idiot “I’m honestly glad you feel better but I’ll feel better when you’re back on your meds.” Robby nods and draws his head down to rest on his shoulder, kissing his forehead.

“So what’s with the sex? You don’t normally freak out like that.” He shrugs and looks down at their interlocked fingers, twisting one of Robby’s bulky rings. “I looked up BDSM after you mentioned your boyfriend and not liking it and it’s bad and I’m so sorry you went through that and I don't want to make you feel that way.” Robby’s smile is undeniably sad as he combs his fingers through Miguel’s longer black hair, twirling the curls around his finger.

“Jason was a really spoiled, confused, desperate person and I think he did care about me in his own way but it was bad, nothing we do makes me feel that way. You always make sure I’m okay and you tell me I’m good. He used to just call me a slut, said I was desperate for him, he always liked being mean, punishing me even when I didn’t break the rules- you never make me feel that way.” Robby says quietly, and he can tell from his boyfriend's tone and the way he looks at his fingers instead of making eye contact that it’s not entirely true.

“Not even in the beginning, not even when I ignored you and pulled out too soon and made you sleep on the opposite side of the bed?” Robby flinches almost imperceptibly and shrugs and now his eyes are glassy with unshed tears as well, “maybe a little,” he whispers and fuck if that doesn’t make his chest ache. “I didn’t mean to hurt you and I’m so sorry that I did that- I was an asshole.”

He shrugs again “You’ve already apologized for that Miggy and it didn't like- you didn’t break me, contrary to popular belief I am actually pretty tough.” And god if that isn’t the truth, for all of his struggles and sensitivities he’s never met someone more capable of surviving whatever life throws at them than Robby Keene. He just wishes he didn’t have to, wishes the world would be kind to Robby because he deserves it.

“You know he used to try and get me off my meds, he hated that I was on them. He’d say I didn’t need ‘em- that he’d take care of me when I felt bad but he only ever wanted sex so we did that and he’d hold me afterward which was more than I’d had from anyone else. I may have got the prescription when I was young but I was off them more than I’ve ever been on them and I’m pretty used to it, it’ll get bad then it’ll get better, for awhile at least but I’m not going to like- try anything if that’s what you were afraid of.” Maybe it is, maybe he’s terrified that Robby will hurt himself again, that the lines of white scars on his thighs and wrists and the huge gash on his hip won’t be things of the past, that something like that will happen again. Especially because their lives are not simple, they’re stressful and crazy and dangerous “I’m just scared of losing you,” he finally replies.

Robby kisses his cheek and wraps his arms around Miguel’s shoulders “You won’t lose me, I’m being careful, taking better care of myself and when I don’t feel well you’re here too which really helps.” He pulls Robby closer and kisses him softly, letting his tongue part his boyfriends pink lips gently as Robby hums against his mouth.

“I love you,” he whispers when they pull apart and Robby smiles and kisses him again harder like he’s trying to put everything he can’t say into the kiss, like Robby loves him too.

He really really hopes he does.

Notes:

Almost halfway!!!!

On a separate note my commissions are still open if anyone has any Cobra Kai fic they want written (or other fandoms) you can message me on tumblr at seeker-of-stories19

Chapter 25: When I tell you you're the one that was on my mind, oh

Robby is all cuddly and sleepy as they lounge in bed naked and half awake, after their discussion earlier they’d decided to train which, as usual, ended with at least two rounds of sex and now Robby is nuzzling under his chin. “You’re like a cat you know,” he mumbles as Robby continues nuzzling against his chest and making little noises, his lithe body wrapped around him. His fingers are pressed into Robby’s biceps as he makes a little hum of protest at the comment “‘m not a cat,” he grumbles.

“You totally are! You’re like, freakishly graceful and you act all tough and unimpressed but secretly you’re all cuddly and you even purr.” Robby groans dramatically and scoots away from him but he pulls him back, so he’s sprawled across his chest again. His pretty pale skin is dark red from the sun and he whines at the sheets rubbing against him “That hurts,” he groans, sitting up and this time he lets him.

“Poor baby you burn so easily,” he laughs as Robby glares at him “go ahead laugh at me when I’m down.” He can’t help but cover his mouth to stifle more giggles because he’s been making fun of Robby applying and reapplying sunscreen almost religiously for weeks but they’d literally been outside for like an hour without sunscreen and while he was fine Robby has an awful peeling sunburn on his chest, back, shoulders, and stomach. His hair has also lightened considerably during their trip so the overall shade is a lighter brown with gold highlights and it only makes the burn on his scalp from where his hair was parted more obvious.

“I’m never having sex outside again,” Robby moans and he can’t help laughing again “Your ass is bright red,” he informs his boyfriend as Robby crawls out of bed to inspect his skin in the mirror. Even though he’s been making fun of him all afternoon he does feel bad that Robby’s been feeling sick, apparently sunburn’s can make you feel exhausted and cold and overall just really bad.

And it’s not like he’s never been sunburned, it just takes a lot more to get there and it still wouldn’t be this bad. “Okay come to the bathroom and I’ll put aloe vera on it. I picked some up a couple of weeks ago because it said it helped with sunburns and you’ve been worried about it so I figured I’d grab it in case you needed it.” Robby looks so relieved he could cry and he’s nodding and following him to the bathroom.

“Just sit on the toilet seat,” he directs but Robby flinches. “I don’t want to,'' he mumbles, looking at his red ass in the mirror as he tries to choke down laughter. “What if we got back to the room and you sit on the bed, it’ll be softer.”

Luckily Robby agrees and flops down on his back on the queen bed as he sits next to his boyfriend and starts rubbing the aloe on his stomach, tracing the ridges of his abs and the v of his hips as Robby hums in pleasure, arching his back slightly and breathing out a heavy sigh when his thumb brushes his nipple. He continues the gentle ministrations until Robby’s chest is thoroughly covered and then moves on to his face, spreading the cool gel along his nose and bright red cheeks, his light freckles are almost invisible through the burn.

“Okay can you roll over?” Robby hums contentedly and nods, gingerly lowering himself onto his stomach “this feels good,” he adds though it comes out muffled by the pillow. He ignores the comment and the way arousal stirs in his belly at Robby’s blissed out tone and instead continues to caress the unnaturally hot skin, spreading the cool green gel across Robby's broad muscled shoulders and down his spine to his ass. The round cheeks are a deep scarlet color and he has to wince for his boyfriends sake, he’s only been sunburned once before and it had been mild and years ago, he doesn’t remember how it felt but if Robby’s reaction is any indication it’s not good.

He’s aware that the best course of action is to finish with this and lounge around in their PJ’s and watch telenovelas or old 80s movies on Robby’s laptop but his boyfriend just looks so beautiful lounging across the bed and he just wants to finger him again because apparently once in a day wasn’t enough. “Miggy that hurts,” Robby groans exasperatedly as he spreads aloe down his crack and over his hole but he still pushes his ass back. “Do you remember this morning when I said I was sore? Well more sex and a sunburn on my ass didn’t help,” Robby grumbles and instantly he’s pulling his hands away and kissing his forehead “I know you’re sore I’m just messing around.”

Robby curls against his chest but he’s pulling away “Wait you gotta put on some boxers or I’m going to get distracted again,” he says. Robby grins and climbs off the bed, swaying his hips back and forth sensually and sticking his round butt out as he leans over to grab a pair of Miguel’s boxers and pull them on.

“Oh my god you’re killing me,” he groans as Robby giggles mischievously “you're just too pretty” he moans. The compliment makes Robby shudder slightly as he continues pulling on clothes “Well played,” he mutters as Miguel watches him get dressed in tight jeans and a shirt he’d accidentally shrunk in the wash that now stretches over his broad chest and shoulders.

“Where are you going?” he asks when Robby starts pulling on socks and the red leather jacket that they’d torn the old Cobra Kai patches off of. “Oh I figured since sex was off the table we could go get food like we were going to after training earlier before we got… distracted.”

And actually now that he mentions it he is hungry, they’d planned to get food after training but instead he’d just ended up eating Robby out and then fucking him on the mossy ground of a little jungle clearing but neither of those activities actually helped with being hungry.

“Yeah sounds good, do you want to bring your dad or make it a date?” he asks, finally climbing off the bed and pulling on shorts and a button up shirt of Robby’s which he leaves open so his chest is exposed. “Let’s bring my dad, we’ve kind of been bailing on him a lot- I think he’s lonely.”

He should probably feel bad about the fact that they have kind of been blowing off Johnny a lot but instead his heart just does a weird clenchy flippy thing in his chest at the fact that Robby cares enough about Johnny to look out for him like that even after he’s hurt him so many times.

“Hey Miggy, I just wanted to say, about what we were talking about earlier. I know you worry about me, especially when everything is so crazy back home and I’m off my meds but I just want to let you know that it’ll be okay. I’ve never been any good at staying on my meds, you know my mom was always taking them and Jason didn’t like that I was on them. The only time I’ve ever been on them consistently was with the LaRussos but they didn’t know- okay that’s not important. What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to stay on the meds this time because I really care about you and you make me want to be okay, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

He looks slightly nervous and he’s fiddling with his rings but mostly his eyes are just soft and he’s waiting for a response. “I’m really glad you feel that way baby and until then I’ll be here I promise.” Robby’s eyes are teary and so green- they should probably start acting like they’re sixteen because the amount of serious discussions they have seems ridiculous.

Or maybe it’s good that they’re talking because god knows their communication hasn’t always been the best, this is definitely an improvement and they have at least two years of misunderstandings and trauma to work through. But it’s not like it’s all bad, mostly things are good and even when they aren’t he’s still happier than he’s been in a while.

He crosses the room and wraps his arms around Robby who hums contentedly “Babe I hate to break it to you but you’re purring again,” this time Robby growls and pulls away from him, lips turned down in a scowl. “I don’t even like cats,” Robby grumbles out annoyedly but he still twines their fingers together and presses his soft pink lips to the back of his hand before tugging him out of the room to find some food.

Notes:

I re read the rest of this fic last night and it flows so much better when you read it all together- once I’m finished posting I highly recommend people re read from the beginning to really appreciate the flow of the story 😂

I’m also very excited for what’s to come…

Chapter 26: When it's said, when it's done, yeah

Summary:

So just fyi there’s a moment a few chapters back where Robby’s having a really bad day and Miguel accidentally calls him pet names in front of Johnny who figured out that they’re together, somehow I never elaborate on the fact that he figured it out because it was clear in my head. After proofreading this chapter I realized it is not clear to the reader who isn’t in my head so I apologize for how vague that was and hope you can still enjoy the chapter.

“So when did you two stop hating each other because during the beginning of this trip you were still trying to bite each other's heads off.” Johnny asks as they amble through an outdoors market, he’s got a few tamales and Johnny is grabbing more chips and jerky for the car ride as they make their way back to California in the most backwards jagged winding circles possible.

But as long as Robby’s okay it doesn’t matter, although currently he’s torn between putting off going home because he doesn’t want to deal with all the stress that will put on their relationship and rushing home before Robby has another depressive episode. He’s also stressed in general about the situation with Johnny because while he’d never meant to out Robby and it feels like a breakup inducing realization, especially considering that he’d panicked after realizing Johnny picked up on the not so platonic nicknames and figured everything out.

“Oh I don’t know we were arguing a couple of months ago and then we kissed,” Johnny nods thoughtfully “What’s it like kissing a guy?” he asks hesitantly, glancing around the marketplace and attempting to speak to a man selling fruit in the most broken Spanish he’s ever heard, substituting the words he doesn’t know with English.

“Uh Sensei, you do realize we’re talking about your son right?” he asks and apparently Johnny does not because he looks so utterly repulsed that he screws up his face in a disturbed grimace that makes the fruit vendor look very confused. “Oh god no that’s disgusting Robby’s a kid he shouldn’t be kissing anyone!” and okay he can sufficiently say that he is shocked by that reaction.

Is this really the same guy who wouldn’t respond to any attribute besides attractiveness when he’d first described Sam to him, the same guy who had said he had to kiss her on the first date. “Um Sensei, Robby’s seventeen,” he points out exasperatedly even as Johnny flinches again “Yeah I guess he’s really not a kid anymore, I just missed so much.”

He shifts uncomfortably, torn between comforting Johnny and defending Robby “He wasn’t ever really a kid, I mean between you and Shan he never got that.” It’s maybe not the nicest thing to say but he’s feeling protective. “You’re right I was a shitty dad but I’m trying to be better and I know things between us have changed, especially now that he’s your first priority.” He winces at that because it might be true but it’s still a really harsh way to put it.

“It’s not like that Sensei, I know you’re trying to make things right and you’re doing a good job, he’s happy that things are better between you. And about the two of us, Robby might be my priority but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to be my teacher anymore, I just don’t want anything to hurt him again.”

Johnny claps him on the shoulder “It’s fine, you don’t have to be worried about us, we're good and I’m glad you and Robby are doing well.” He nods and that part of him that just wants Sensei’s approval feels all warm and fuzzy.

“Wait since you’re dating shouldn’t you not share a hotel room?” Johnny asks and he is not losing their hotel room because it’s kind of the first time he’s ever really had any privacy or an opportunity to explore a relationship. And he knows that it’s not exactly normal for him to have this opportunity at seventeen but he’s a bit of a romantic and he’s wanted this for such a long time and it means so much. He loves being able to lounge around naked, have sex whenever they want, kiss whenever they want. “Jesus I’m just kidding,” Johnny laughs at his defensive expression “not like anyone’s going to get knocked up.”

He blushes at that though he knows it won’t be too visible since his skin is darker and he’s suddenly ridiculously grateful for that fact because he is not about to explain other reasons people use condoms. Actually he’s ridiculously glad that they’re both clean because not having to use condoms is kinda great but not a conversation he’s having with Robby’s dad.

“Okay I think it’s about time we bring some food back for Robby, he’s been reading for like five hours he’s probably hungry,” Johnny laughs again but agrees as he starts trekking back to the motel room.

Notes:

Halfway through!!!! At least chapter wise, the second half is a little longer in words. Anyway there’s so much still left to happen and I can’t wait to share it with you.

Chapter 27: I would never let you know (let you know)

They’re in Johnny’s room heating up the tamales in the ancient microwave provided by the hotel. It's so old he has to hit it to make it work but it goes eventually as he stuffs some paper towels under the food so the bottom doesn’t get soggy.

Johnny is playing Metallica on a relatively low volume and pouring some chips onto the three paper plates, and god does it make him miss eating hand cooked meals while his Yaya played salsa music and they all cooked together. It occurs to him that Robby is probably eating the best he has in his life, between Mexican takeout on a regular basis and chips and other non-perishable goods.

He promises himself that when they get home he’ll cook Robby a homemade meal with candles and all that cheesy romantic stuff that he’ll pretend he doesn’t like. His musings are cut short by Johnny asking “So between you and Robby who tops?” he chokes on his own spit and drops the paper plate full of chips.

“Sensei what the hell!” he groans covering his face and this time he’s pretty sure he is blushing enough that Johnny can tell. “Do you not realize we’re talking about your son?” he asks as Johnny makes his same disgusted face from before “Shit how do I keep forgetting that, I’m too used to talking to you about this stuff!” Miguel groans dramatically and he’s at least glad that Johnny’s embarrassed flush is considerably more noticeable than his. “Please never tell me anything about yours and Robby’s sex life,” Johnny instructs and he nods, laughing awkwardly at the fact that this is what his life has come to.

“What?” Robby asks breathlessly and he freezes, before spinning around to find his boyfriend standing in the doorway looking halfway between terrified and betrayed. “Oh shit Robby I can explain-” he starts frantically but he’s already turning away and running out of the room. “Fuck fuck fuck,” he swears, looking at Johnny in a panic.

He knew better than to tell Johnny something like this because he was Robby’s dad not his but it hadn’t been on purpose- he’d just been so sad that day and the pet names had slipped out. There hadn’t exactly been another explanation for that but he’d thought it would be better to pretend he didn’t know until Robby had the chance to tell Johnny on his own terms. He’d wanted him to have that so much but now he doesn’t think that was the right choice.

“Robby!” he shouts after him but apparently he’s fast, who knew. At least this time he knows where he’s gone. The town they’re in was pretty remote but Robby likes water and there is a grove of mangroves not far away because Johnny took a wrong turn and they’ve been driven in yet another huge circle. Somehow in two days they’ve ended up closer to Mexico City than California.

Anyway they’d gone exploring earlier and sure enough he can hear quiet sobs as he picks his way through the gnarled roots, trying to avoid the water. There is moonlight shifting through the trees and the white bark is illuminated in otherworldly light, it’s beautiful but Robby’s rough breathing ruins the serenity.

He’s hunched over with one leg drawn up to his chest and the other dangling in the water and there’s a manatee floating around the grove and nudging his boyfriend's leg. Robby is petting its head even as he sniffles and wipes at his face. His phone is in his pocket and he’s not normally the type to take pictures but he takes one of the moonlit grove with clear turquoise water and the huge animal nudging his feet and then rolling over onto his back as Robby strokes its stomach.

“Robby?” he asks hesitantly as his boyfriend flinches slightly and continues stroking the huge animal. “I’ve always wanted to see one of these, I had a stuffed animal of one when I was kid but they don’t normally come this far up the coast.” Robby says softly, his voice is clearly still thick with tears and he wipes at his cheeks as the animal nudges his leg again.

He’s always been freakishly good with animals, another new thing he’s learning. Still sitting in the jungle alone at night playing with a manatee seems otherworldly, not that Robby isn’t already pretty unique. He’s really sweet but he doesn’t exactly fit in easily.

“You told my dad?” he finally asks, turning toward him with desperate green eyes that are swimming with tears, “I don’t understand.” Lowering himself to sit next to Robby he tucks his legs under him, he’s a little cautious of the huge creature nudging against his boyfriends thigh so he decides to just watch for now.

“Robby I’m really sorry it was when you were really bad I called you babe on accident and your dad decided to be observant for once and not let it go, I didn’t know what else to say” Robby nods tearfully “So you two have just been talking about our sex life in the mean time and lying to me about it?” he asks desperately, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I don’t understand, I trusted you” he sobs again, burying his face in his hands as the manatee continues nudging his feet.

He leans down and strokes its head, his brown hair falls over his face, obscuring his eyes. “It wasn’t like that baby, we were talking earlier about you. I think he just wants to know that you’re happy and that I’m looking out for you, he worries.”

“Is he okay with it?” Robby finally asks through his tears and his eyes are so pleading. He nods wordlessly, his own eyes itch with tears as he rubs at his face. “He’s fine, I mean he gave me a very long talk about not hurting you with some creative threats but other than that no signs of instability. And we don’t really talk about us if that makes it better but I think he just wants to be a part of your life.”

Robby glances down at his discarded converse before pulling his shirt off and wading deeper into the pool, stroking the animal repetitively as it continues nudging at his thighs and stomach. He takes another picture.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Robby finally asks “I wouldn’t have been upset, I mean I would’ve understood you didn’t have to lie.” He blinks back tears at the pleading tone in Robby’s voice because it’s true, he should never have lied, especially to someone who’s never been close to anyone who was honest with him before.

“Come here,” he says softly and Robby obeys immediately, wading over to him and letting his head fall onto his shoulder, wet hair sticking to his neck as he wraps his arms around Robby’s waist. “I’m so sorry for lying, I wanted you to have the opportunity to share that with your dad on your own terms,” he says quickly and Robby nods against his shoulder. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” he agrees roughly, gripping his t-shirt. The manatee is still rubbing against Robby’s legs as he curls up under his chin like he does all the time, it’s familiar and it’d be nice if it weren’t for the overlying tension of the situation.

“But I did hurt you,” he points out and Robby nods “I’m sorry,” he adds and Robby shrugs “I know you didn’t mean to.” he repeats softly before nuzzling more under his chin and kissing his throat “I’m not mad at you Miggy I’m just scared of seeing my dad again, can we maybe stay here a little longer.”

“Of course baby whatever you want,” he promises, like he could ever tell Robby no even when they weren’t fighting, or maybe they aren’t Robby did say he wasn’t mad. “What can I do to make this better?” he asks desperately as Robby pushes the shirt off his shoulders and helps him down into the warm water, instantly his friend is nudging against him and it really is gentle and it’s skin feels weird but Robby is smiling and his green eyes crinkle up at the corners and that’s enough for him. “Just hold me,” Robby requests and he brings him into his arms, wrapping him up in his embrace and rocking back and forth like they’re dancing.

“Someday we’ll dance for real,” Robby murmurs and he looks exhausted “I’m a good dancer.” He smiles against Robby’s hair and continues rocking him gently back and forth, he can tell his boyfriend is tired and upset but he thinks they’re okay “Someday,” he promises against Robby’s ear as he does his contented humming thing.

Eventually when Robby seems too tired to stay on his feet he scoops him up and sets him down on a little patch of ground near the clear pool where he curls up with one hand still in the water as his manatee friend occasionally nudges his hand. Robby’s asleep within minutes but he stays awake, propped against a tree as the night slips away. He told Robby he’d hold him, it’s all he asked, and he’s not letting go.

Notes:

Alright so the manatee thing was a little out there but I wanted Robby to play with a manatee and it’s my story so… anyway I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter.

Chapter 28: I'm ashamed of what I've done, yeah

Robby said they were fine and he believes him but they shouldn’t be, he knows that. Outing someone to their parent, especially when that parent is someone who hasn’t always been supportive of them is so screwed up and of course it was an accident but he shouldn’t be able to forgive him for that so quickly.

It just feels like the only reason Robby forgave him is because he doesn’t know he deserves better and he wants him to have enough self confidence to not just take things like this in stride. Robby should be mad but he’s not and he can’t do anything to change that, he hopes that someday Robby will get pissed at him and yell because he’s not stupid enough to think he’ll never make another mistake and it’ll be good, they’ll work through it.

In the meantime he’s going to go out of his way to make sure Robby knows how sorry he is and how wrong this situation was. And step number one of his apology plan is getting Robby a puppy because he’s never actually seen him as at ease as he was with the manatee last night. In fact he’d stayed awake for hours after his boyfriend fell asleep and it had still been there. According to Robby the creature hadn’t left until after he woke up and yesterday he would have thought it was crazy to say that the animal had waited for his boyfriend but Robby seemed to have this otherworldly connection and he’d say it now.

Unfortunately he couldn’t purchase Robby a friendly manatee pal but he’d figured a pet was a good idea and Johnny agreed, and a dog was better than a cat because Robby said he didn’t like cats even if he acted like one so a dog it was. Not to mention there were plenty of stray dogs around and after driving the car in the right direction for once he’s found a town with a small animal shelter where they’re actually vaccinated and they said they have free puppies which bodes well for his lack of personal finance.

He hadn’t exactly had a privileged upbringing but he’d never had to pay for necessities and after running away to a foreign country he learned that they cost more than he’d expected, more than he had. He’d run out of money the day before Johnny found him and saying he was panicked didn’t even begin to cover it. So yeah a free fully vaccinated puppy was perfect.

He ends up telling Robby he has an idea and it’s something he’ll like but it’s a surprise so he can’t tell him yet (it’s better than lying, especially considering what he’s trying to apologize for) but he’d seemed fine with it and given him a nice kiss before he left, saying he could use this time to talk to Johnny since he’d been putting it off.

When he first walks into the shelter it’s run down and clearly in need of funding but the dogs all look decently fed, except for a small black and brown puppy curled on the cement floor in its own cell. The things ribs show through its skin and its face is buried in its tiny paws.

“They brought her in yesterday, found her starving on the street. Usually we can’t take care of these dogs for very long but we had an empty kennel and we figured it would at least be more peaceful here if she doesn’t make it,” the kind looking receptionist tells him in Spanish.

There are at least six other healthy puppies but he can’t tear his eyes away from the little german shepard “Why don’t you think she’ll make it, is she sick?” he asks, looking at the tiny animal curled on the cold cement without a blanket. “My husband and I fund the shelter, we don’t have enough money to buy her the food she needs or give her the attention she needs to get better, I’m just too busy with the other dogs and my job. It’s not a sure thing, she might very well make it but right now her health is not so good.”

Okay he feels weirdly attached to this puppy, like it’s the perfect dog for Robby although that might not be true considering his boyfriends mental health struggles and the fact that nothing in his life has ever been permanent coupled with an unhealthy guilt complex makes getting him a sick animal seem like an incredibly bad decision. But if there’s anyone who understands what this animal is going through it would be Robby.

“My boyfriend loves animals and I wanted to get him a puppy, we kind of got in a fight and he forgave me even though he probably shouldn’t have. I just wanted to do something to show him how important he is to and how much he deserves, he’s a really good person but he’s had a rough life and I think he’d really like her but if you don’t think she’ll make it I don’t want him to blame himself” he’s aware he’s rambling but the lady just smiles kindly at him and waits for him to cut himself off before responding.

“I don’t think the risk is that high if she were in a loving home, there’s nothing physically wrong besides malnourishment and if you have the resources to take care of that it sounds like a good match.” He sighs in relief and nods “do I have to fill anything out?” he asks, continuing to watch the little animal quivering. The lady shakes her head “we’re not really an official business but I was a vet in the past, honestly my husband and I just take them in when we can and try to find good homes for them when we can, the money comes from his job but we have paperwork if you want to see it-” he shakes his head as the lady smiles and opens the door to the enclosure.

The little brown and black puppy whines and watches him suspiciously as he pulls off his hoodie (it’s Robby’s favorite and this is the first time he’s actually worn it in ages, it still smells like rain and cheap vanilla shampoo.) The lady scoops the puppy up and places her tiny body in his arms so she’s wrapped up in his hoodie, the poor animal weighs even less than he expected.

Before they leave the woman gives him careful instructions on how to take care of her which basically waters down to lots of food and water and love.

Getting back to the hotel with the tiny puppy asleep in his arms is a bit of a trek but it’ll all be worth it to see Robby’s expression. When he knocks it takes at least thirty seconds for Robby to open the door and he’s still holding a book in his hand, he makes an indiscernible noise of greeting but doesn’t look up from the pages even as he slips into the room and closes the door.

“Robby, I just wanted to say sorry again and I know you said it was okay but I wanted to show you how much you mean to me and well I got you something. Why don’t you hold out your arms and close your eyes.” He looks confused but places the book on the bed and turns around, holding out his arms. His muscles ripple beautifully under his smooth skin as he leans forward and places the small bundle of sleeping animal in his arms.

Robby’s eyes fly open and they’re impossibly green and wide as he stares at him in shock before glancing back down. “Oh my goodness you’re precious,” he coos at the tiny German Shepard, running his ring clad fingers over the matted fur as the puppy sniffs at his fingers and licks him tentatively before taking his fingertip into her mouth and chewing slightly.

“She’s for me?” Robby asks breathlessly and his stunning eyes are welling with tears as he waits for an answer “Of course baby, you were just so happy the other night with the manatee and thought you might like a pet-” he can’t finish his sentence because Robby is already kissing him. His hands are obviously occupied but he’s kissing him the way he does when he can’t form words and it tastes like happiness.

“Thank you,” Robby murmurs, pulling away as he wipes at the tears on his cheeks while he smiles a tiny precious smile and strokes the dog. “You need a bath don’t you sweet girl?” he says softly as the tiny puppy nuzzles his fingers.

He follows his boyfriend into the bathroom as he starts running the warm water, still cradling the puppy against his stomach as she yips quietly and Robby continues to coo at her. When the bathtub has about six inches of water in it he turns off the faucet and slowly lowers her into the warm water, the puppy makes some high pitched yippy noise and looks confused.

“You’re okay sweetie I’m right here,” he murmurs as he places the skinny animal into the warm water and rubs her belly soothingly, scraping away the mud that coats her fur as the water turns brown. He’s so gentle and so kind and the puppy is already trying to nuzzle closer to his fingers, licking him gently regardless of the fact that she’d barely been okay with Miguel holding her.

The puppy yips again as Robby cups warm water in his hands and continues washing away the dried clumps of mud and even a bit of dried blood from the tiny creature, cooing at her continuously until she’s cradled against his chest wrapped in a towel and the dog smells like Robby’s cheap vanilla shampoo.

It takes him a minute to find his leftover steak from dinner the night before and heat it up, putting it in a bowl and offering it to Robby who smiles brilliantly at him before tearing off little pieces and offering them to the puppy who eagerly gobbles them off his fingers.

In between Robby feeding her he offers the puppy bits of steak as well and she seems to like him even if she has a clear favorite. It’s less than twenty minutes later that the tiny animal is curled against his boyfriends chest, her fur is clean and shiny and soft and beautiful and Robby looks overjoyed as he cradles her to his chest.

“Do you have any name ideas?” he asks, tightening his arms around Robby’s waist as he nods sleepily against his shoulder “I was thinking Daisy,” he says through a yawn as his eyelids droop “it’s not super original but-”

“It fits her,” he promises and Robby nods again but his eyes are already closed.

Notes:

I’m so bad about updating it’s driving me crazy, I’ve just been so exhausted abs overwhelmed lately that writing and updating have been slower. But I still have some new one shots in progress and even a couple longer that’ll be posted after this when I find the time to finish then!!!

I’m so grateful for all the support and hope you enjoy todays chapter💛💛💛

Chapter 29: When I look at you

He’s actually jealous of the stupid dog because he’s like thoroughly convinced that Robby likes the dog more than him, the only time he lets go of her is when they’re having sex but other than that she’s alway with him. And okay, he doesn’t actually think Robby likes the puppy more than him but he’s always telling her how much he loves her and that’s a little hard to hear when Robby hasn’t even said it to him.

But he loves Daisy as well, loves taking her for walks and watching how happy she makes Robby because he really does just love him so much. And you can tell the shivering skinny little animal from the shelter is gone, now her fur is soft and shiny and she’s cuddly and eager and mostly potty trained which is all great.

Robby who actually knows something about dogs says it’s a German Shepherd mix, probably not purebred because she was at the pound (unless she was abused which is pretty likely if you take into account the skittish behavior and dried blood in her fur) but she looks purebred and already she’s protective of Robby, yipping at anyone who upsets him. Once she even attacked Johnny’s shoelace when he made Robby mad.

But they’re really fucking sweet, right now Robby is sprawled across the backseat with his face pressed against the window and his cheek squished against the glass. The sunlight through the window makes his hair look almost gold, the overall color has lightened from weeks in the sun and the stunning highlights are beautiful.

His freckles have also darkened considerably and his eyelashes are casting beautiful lacy shadows across his delicate cheeks. Daisy is sleeping on his lap and nuzzling her face against his hand and chewing gently on his finger, she looks so much healthier since meeting Robby.

He’s holding Robby’s other hand and gently tracing the scars across his knuckles and twisting his rings gently to keep from waking up his boyfriend. He looks golden with the sun setting behind him and he just wants to cuddle with his boyfriend but stupid seatbelts are getting in the way and he’s not willing to wake Robby up.

His nightmares have mostly been better in the last two weeks, but he had woken up crying hysterically at 3:00 a.m. only to find Daisy clambering onto the bed and curling up on Robby’s stomach while he held his boyfriend against his chest. He’d walked Robby through the familiar breathing exercises while Daisy licked his tears and he’d actually laughed at that.

So the dog absolutely drives him crazy sometimes (he’s not the biggest animal person even if he still likes them) but she made Robby laugh where he couldn’t and that’s more than enough.

Currently though the puppy isn’t saving anyone, instead she’s clambering off of Robby’s lap and chewing his shoelaces the way she always does when she has to go to the bathroom. “Johnny you gotta pull over for the dog,” he says and Robby stirs at the change in weight, he’s reaching out but instead of grabbing Daisy he curls up under his chin, tightening his fingers in his t-shirt.

He’s humming softly the way he always does when comfortable and he can’t stop smiling “Babe you’re purring again,” he says softly as Johnny pulls over the car. He’s clipping Daisy’s leash on her and leading her into the little side of the road parking lot while Robby nuzzles against him, though he growls slightly in protest.

“My little kitten,” he coos, glad for a moment of privacy as Robby shudders and whines at the name in a way he definitely wasn’t expecting. “Do you like that kitten?” he asks, laughing when Robby whines again. “Miggy I want-” his voice breaks as he shuffles so he can feel Robby’s hardness against his hip.

“Hey sweet boy you okay?” He asks as Robby sniffles and nods “You don’t call me names as much as you used to, I miss it.” There’s a tearful quality in his voice that breaks his heart “It wasn’t on purpose sweetheart, I can do it more if that helps.” Robby nods “I know you don’t mean to but I liked it when you were more dominant, you don’t tell me what to do anymore?” he mumbles as his cheeks turn pink.

He tries to think if that’s true and it probably is, especially since Robby told him about his ex “You talked about BDSM and you said you didn’t like it? Isn’t being dominant or submissive part of that?” Robby smiles a little at him though he still looks upset “Babe being dominant in bed isn’t the same thing as actually being a Dom in a BDSM relationship and for the record I do like being submissive if that wasn’t clear I just don’t like the humiliation and pain side of it.” He explains and it’s possibly the best way he could’ve put that.

He does feel slightly awful for not realizing how upset Robby was or even really talking about this side of their relationship, he’d assumed that considering Robby’s past those sort of dynamics were better left behind but he’s really gotta start talking about these things because while he’s getting better at reading Robby it’s not a flawless process and he’s coming from a lot of places he still doesn’t understand.

“Okay so can I ask you if you want me to be more dominant in bed or if you want me to actually be your Dom?” He’s still not really sure if he’s got the terminology right but he’s pretty sure Robby understands what he’s saying because he’s blushing and biting his lip. “Is that what you want, kitten,” he asks sternly remembering that he had done that more in the beginning. Robby nods hesitantly but he’s looking at his hands.

Before they can continue talking Johnny jumps back in the front seat and drops the puppy on Robby’s lap “Later baby,” he promises as Robby curls against him and nods. He looks hopeful, eyes wide and green and so trusting. He’s not sure how Robby can put so much trust in him but he’s grateful for it every day.

Notes:

Lots of pet names, fluff, and responsible discussion of future sexy times!!! Your welcome ☺️

Chapter 30: In your eyes (your eyes)

Notes:

Don’t forget to check the tags, I update them for each chapter!

They’ve spent the evening curled up in bed talking through dynamics they want to explore or don’t. Starting with working through the actual acronym, bondage is something they’ll talk about more later Robby's into discipline and he’s actually pretty excited about that as well. They’re starting in a weird place where Robby has significantly more experience than him sexually but he’s researching and he’s got a decent idea of what Robby likes anyway so he’s confident they’ll figure it out.

Dominance and submission is definitely something they’ve explored a bit but not in an established way so it’s obviously very different but yeah he’s super excited about that because he knows that’s hot and he knows how much Robby loves it so that’s kind of everything to him. As for Sadism and Masochism he’d told Robby flat out that he was not going to hurt him under any circumstance and Robby says that was mostly the part he wasn’t okay with to start.

Talking about punishments has taken longer and eventually they’ve agreed on orgasm delay or denial, overstimulation, temperature play, controlling when he masturbates, and light spanking. Some points took more discussion than others but they’ve been able to find good mutual boundaries.

Robby had also proposed the idea of having to wear a butt plug in public as a punishment which took a little more convincing because on the one hand that sounds incredibly hot and on the other it sounds overwhelming and he’s aware of the fact that he has some jealous tendencies. So they decide that they can do that but only if he’s with Robby to make sure he doesn’t get overwhelmed or upset.

Robby’s hesitant about being tied up so they’re not doing that for now, some of the other things they’ve decided on have contingencies. Spanking is only to be used in specific situations and only lightly, not to actually cause pain or damage just enough to sting.

Overall Robby has more boundaries then him, his main one being that he won’t hurt Robby ever. For Robby his boundaries are more elaborate, no mean names, no being hurt, no bondage (for now), no humiliation, nothing degrading, nothing public (excluding their one punishment which doesn’t count because no one will know), he’s not allowed to tell anyone (namely bragging to his friends), no other partners, no wax play- ever.

Right now he’s looking through Johnny’s amazon and finding some of the stuff they want, it’s perfect because Sensei has no fucking clue how to use it and he can hide the order history and everything they’re getting has discreet packaging not to mention he picks up Johnny’s mail for him anyway.

Robby is wearing his long sleeve shirt that hangs past his hands and sweatpants, twisting the ring on his finger distractedly as he points things out. He’s a bit more bashful than Robby but he’s only heard of half of this stuff, he figures it’ll go away with time.

Right now they’re looking at lube and he has picked out warming lube, tingling lube, cooling lube, and silicone based lube which has kind of astounded him because he honestly had no idea there were different types of lube but these sound like they’ll be super fun to play with so he’s plenty excited about that too.

“I’m mostly getting things from brands I’ve used before so I know how they’ll work but we can go to a sex store or something as well if you want or- I’m overwhelming you aren’t I?” Robby asks, taking in the expression on his face which feels about halfway between surprised and dumbfounded.

Instantly he’s retreating into himself, fiddling nervously with his fingers and stroking Daisy’s head. “You’re not overwhelming me babe, I just don’t know what half of this stuff is but I like it, I’m excited,” he promises, kissing Robby quickly. “What else do you want?” he asks, stroking Robby’s knuckles as he snuggles closer “butt plugs,” he grins and it’s halfway between shy and teasing.

He lets Robby pick his own butt plug because he definitely doesn’t know how to choose something like that. What he does pick for Robby is a pink leather collar with his name printed on it and a metal ring he can grab, his boyfriend doesn’t see him add that to the cart and he can only hope he’ll like the idea as much as Miguel does. Distracted Robby crawls onto his lap and pushes his tongue into his mouth.

He’s half hard already and the makeout session doesn’t exactly help with that but he’s not quite in the mood to do anything about it, he’s tired and a bit overwhelmed contrary to what he told Robby but in the best way possible. Still sex sounds like too much right now.

“Hey baby, will you take your clothes off for me?” He requests, rubbing his hip as his boyfriend nods sleepily “Miggy m’ tired,” he murmurs even as he pulls off his shirt. He smiles at Robby’s sleepy tone, they’d been talking this through for at least a few hours and it’s late and Robby hadn’t slept well last night.

He places his hands on Robby’s hips. One over the scar and the other on his lower belly where there are light splotchy scars across his abs and the v of his hips. He knows better than to ask about those right now but after wondering about them for ages he’s pretty sure they have to do with Robby’s no wax ever rule.

He’s making a valid effort to squirm out of his sweatpants without moving away from his embrace so he decides to help Robby with it, grabbing the waistband and awkwardly trying to pull them over the swell of his ass which is way harder than it should be considering that his boyfriend it too relaxed to be cooperative.

“Babe I can’t get these over your ass,” he informs Robby who grumbles and shifts enough that he can pull his pants and boxers off until his round butt is exposed. Once they’re both naked he sprawls on his back with Robby on his chest so he can cup his boyfriend's ass as the two of them drift off to the sound of rain hitting the motel roof.

“Thank you for doing this for me,” Robby whispers sleepily, making the little content purring noises like he always does. “I’m not just doing this for you, I’m so excited about this as well but for the record I’d do anything for you.” Robby gazes at him with an odd look in his eyes, it’s something he’s never seen from him before and he’s not quite sure what it is but he’s too tired to dwell on it right now, maybe tomorrow.

Notes:

Honestly the whole reason I write an entire fic before posting is so I’m not stressed about updating and you guys don’t have to wait- so much for that I guess.

I really hope I’ll be quicker to update but at this point I’m not making any promises.

Chapter 31: I see there's something burning inside you (inside you)

Notes:

Graphic smut this chapter, you’ve all been warned ☺️

He’s getting anxious to start some more intense play because already their sex life is better than before and they don’t even have any of their toys yet. Not to mention their sex life has been pretty fantastic from day one (a few exceptions in there but it’s been good 98% of the time) and even just exploring some new dynamics without any of the stuff they’d got has been awesome.

He wasn’t at all unhappy before and Robby wasn’t either but now he’s not holding back anymore and it’s easier to get him to admit what he wants. It’s actually not as big of an adjustment as he expected because these elements have already been a part of their relationship but he doesn’t have to worry about taking it too far, now he knows where those lines are and if he’s ever unsure it’s something they can talk about.

It’s just such a relief to have rules and open communication about what they want because it allows him to do things he never would’ve done before without worrying that someone’s going to get hurt.

Like currently he’s got three fingers in his boyfriend's ass and a bowl of ice on the nightstand which is so hot but also incredibly nerve wracking. But Robby’s eagerness makes things easier, bucking his hips down into the mattress as he fingers him open. He’s insanely sensitive, especially his prostate and even just fingering him for the last five minutes has Robby nearly sobbing in pleasure.

It’s noticeably different than how he used to be though he can’t quite place his finger on why, it’s like that tiny bit of reservation that’s always been there is gone. It’s small things, the way he doesn’t hold on as tightly or force himself to talk or lie about what he needs or bite his lip to stay quiet. “More,” Robby begs breathily, mewling as he continues stretching him open with careful movements “More what kitten, you want me to keep fingering you?” He moans and shakes his head frantically.

“God I wish I had a plug for you now baby, we could go walk the dog and when we got back I’d let you cum if you hadn’t already.” Robby sobs and there’s a sheen of tears on his cheeks as he continues rocking his hips, he honestly just wants to pull his boyfriend onto his lap and finger him while Robby thrusts down against his hard cock until they both cum. But this is a punishment, the two of them had gotten in an argument (which he’d obviously never punish Robby for) but then he walked in on Robby punching the tile wall in the shower and he might be new to the whole Dom thing but Robby says he wants him to make the rules and without a doubt his number one rule is that Robby isn’t in pain in any way that’s preventable.

If he saw him doing something where his intention was to hurt himself and it was coming from a place of real pain, he would handle it differently. But losing his temper and hitting things? That’s not happening.

“C’mere kitten,” he calls, tugging Robby by the back of his neck until he’s sitting closer to the headboard. He’s gentle but steady as he maneuvers Robby’s limbs so his legs are propped up against the headboard and his hips are held up with several pillows. “Okay what’s your color?” he asks, placing the bowl of ice on Robby’s abs. He flinches at the coldness, even through the paper and if he’s that sensitive this next bit is going to be a lot . “Green,” Robby murmurs thickly, his tears soaking his flushed cheeks as he picks up the first ice cube and places it on his boyfriend's navel.

Immediately Robby flinches and whines “Hold still” he says sternly, placing his hands on Robby’s hips and holding him down as he cries harder. “I’m sorry,” he sobs, clutching at Miguel’s hands as he runs one between Robby’s legs softly.

With the other he holds an ice cube on Robby’s sensitive nipple, even holding the ice between his fingers makes them feel numb and painful with little pricking feeling as the cold seeps past his skin, he can barely imagine the ache his sub must be experiencing as he moves the half melted block to Robby’s other nipple and rubs the other cold nipple to help ease the sensation he’s experiencing.

“Miguel-” Robby moans as he sucks the water off of Robby’s abs from where the ice has melted, licking the icy water off him as he continues making needy mewling noises. His skin is smooth and hairless as he sucks water out of the grooves of his stomach.

He carefully moves another pillow underneath his boyfriend's hips, stroking between his cheeks as Robby arches his hips up as the ice continues melting on his chest. He carefully places another block of ice at Robby’s entrance, making sure he understands what he’s going to do and give him a chance to safeword or pinch him if he needs an out before this gets more intense.

When Robby does nothing in response besides sniffling and looking at him tearfully he slowly pushes the ice into his boyfriend's open hole. He mewls loudly and tries to cant his hips up to get away from the feeling, all it takes is a stern look for him to hold himself still.

The idea of Robby letting him have this control makes him feel so powerful and hot in a way he never has in any of his past relationships. There is no holding back between them anymore and that is possibly the most intoxicating thing he’s ever experienced, to be honest he didn’t expect being completely in control to be this good and he’s not worried he’s doing too much because he knows what lines not to cross.

“You’re so pretty kitten,” he murmurs as Robby shakes and sobs, reaching for him. He lets a hand run over Robby’s stomach and pecs and hips, touching him all over in an effort to be grounding. Eventually he wraps Robby up in his arms and it’s not quite what he’s seen from other Doms in the videos they’d been watching together (mostly to point out things they did or didn’t like) but this feels right for them.

“Shh you’re okay mi amor,” he murmurs, wrapping Robby up in his arms and rubbing his quivering tense sides. “Do you know why you’re being punished kitten?” he asks seriously, placing a hand on Robby’s jaw to force eye contact because he’s so out of it right now.

Robby makes some little noises that aren’t quite words and pulls him closer nodding into his shoulder “We fought I yelled at you m’sorry Miggy” he whines as he lets a hand trail back between his subs legs to rub at his ice cold entrance, letting a finger slide inside to feel the mostly melted ice cube as he clicks his tongue.

“Couples fight and that’s okay, you’re allowed to be angry at me but I think I need to punish you a little more so you can understand where this is really coming from.” Robby shakes his head frantically and curls closer as he kisses the subs fingers and presses three more ice cubes into his body while simultaneously kissing down his chest and sucking on Robby’s nipple.

He wants to create a contrast between the heat and the cold and right now this is the only way he can think to do that because they don't have the heating lube yet and obviously wax is off limits, still Robby seems to feel the contrasting sensations because he's trembling under his tongue.

“You’re being punished because you hurt yourself, you’re allowed to disagree with me and yell and be angry but you do not get to hit things do you understand?” he asks sternly “You’re way too pretty for bruises,” he adds, stroking Robby’s hip as he nods tearfully.

“Words kitten,” he demands, gripping his subs cock as he cries and shakes his head. His eyes are pooling with tears and he’s trembling, shaking his head and giving him a pleading look, he’s begging for something but there are no words. “Can you talk?” he asks and Robby shakes his head, sobbing harder as tears slip down his cheeks as he strokes the tears away carefully “do you want to keep going?” he asks and Robby nods, gripping him tighter at the suggestion of stopping.

It’s hard because he’s not sure how he feels about continuing if Robby can’t talk or vocalize his feelings but he seems desperate to finish this off and he also doesn’t want to pull Robby out of a scene suddenly if he doesn’t have to. After considering it he figures he can let Robby cum with the ice still in him and end the scene there instead of potentially dragging things out longer because they did talk about having Robby pinch him if he needed to stop and couldn’t safeword.

“You pinch me if you need to safeword?” Robby nods again, sluggishly as he leans down and takes Robby’s cock into his mouth. He swirls his tongue around and starts sucking his boyfriends length, humming softly as Robby bucks up into his mouth. He continues sliding his mouth up and down Robby’s length as his fingers tighten in his hair, a sure sign he’s on the verge of cumming. With his free hand he guides Robby’s legs down from the headboard to let the cold water and half melted ice flow out onto the towel underneath them as he cums down his throat with a hoarse sob.

He pulls off and wraps a hand around his length, rubbing himself to completion in just a few strokes and spraying his release on Robby’s stomach. Not wanting to have to leave the bed to get them situated he already has a cool damp washcloth on the nightstand as well as water and fresh blankets. Robby is kind of unresponsive which is scaring him a little although he doesn’t look upset…

He makes a quick effort to clean himself and Robby from any lingering water or release, also wiping sweat off of him and stripping the bed. There’s no way to put new sheets on the bed with Robby curled up in the middle so he just grabs the softest heaviest blanket from the pile and wraps it around both of them.

Robby clings to him and makes a little noise that’s still not quite words and he smooths his hair back kissing his forehead “it’s okay baby we can talk tomorrow,” he promises as he wraps him up closer and kisses his face. “I love you so much Robby Keene,” he murmurs “I’m so proud of you.” He continues with the praise as Robby makes little pleased noises and rubs against him, the feeling of skin on skin is perfect and he kisses Robby’s bruised and split knuckles on his right hand.

He looks halfway between completely relaxed and frustrated at his own inability to speak “It’s okay baby, you can rest now,” he promises as Robby buries his wet face in his neck, tightening his arms around him as he strokes his back. It’s odd because there’s a level of deep satisfaction in this moment and holding him although his heart aches at Robby’s silent struggle to communicate. He’s seen Robby struggle with speech before but this is the first time it’s been a complete inability and he can just hope it’s from the vulnerability of the scene and not because he did something to trigger him.

“Are you upset?” he asks Robby quietly and he shakes his head “Are you happy?” he nods “Then why don’t we talk about this tomorrow kitten?” He murmurs, tightening his arms and letting their legs tangle together so his thigh is slotted between Robby’s.

He continues murmuring sweet things to Robby, telling him how much he loves him and how good he is until he is able to fully relax into his blissed out state, content to just sprawl across his chest and bask in the beauty of the moment. There’s something a little intoxicating to him about the fact that they made this and he feels like he needs a word bigger than love.

Notes:

Oh my god I can’t believe how much of this I have left to post, still over twenty chapters of drama for you all!

Hopefully by the time I finish posting this I’ll be done with my Kiaz mermaid/pirate au and can start posting that as well.

If you’re excited about that fic I have a poll on my tumblr (@seeker-of-stories19) to vote on a title 🧜🏼♂️🏴☠️🌊

Chapter 32: Oh, inside you (oh, inside you)

Johnny is glaring at them as Robby paws at him in the backseat, he’s been even more clingy than usual since last night. His hands are stroking his sides and stomach under his shirt and his lips are sucking gently along the column of his throat without a care in the world.

He’s not sure if he’s actually going to have hickies from that because his skin is darker and Robby’s not sucking hard he’s just mouthing at his throat. He’s more curious than anything, tongue warm and lips soft as he licks at the skin.

“I swear to god you two better stop it with that or I’m going to dump you on the side of the road and you can figure out how to survive in Mexico alone,” he grumbles but Robby does nothing to acknowledge his father. “Oh my god do I need a pole or something to separate you two?”

He can feel Robby’s smile against his neck at the comment and he seems to take pity on his father because he stops sucking his neck and just rests his face there in no particular hurry to do anything. “I love you,” Robby whispers suddenly, so quietly he’s not sure he heard right, “I just thought you should know.”

He can feel his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth as he stares at the top of Robby’s head in shock, is this how he felt last night, that there were just no words. There are no words for this.

He’s wanted to hear him say that for months and he’d started to think Robby wouldn’t ever be able to get there.

To his complete surprise his boyfriend doesn’t seem to be panicking at the lack of a response, he just winds his arms around Miguel’s waist and holds him in the gentle way he does that makes him feel like they could stay here forever. “You love me?” he finally manages, stoking his soft brown hair and blinking back tears.

Robby nods lightly “Of course I do, I’m sorry I couldn’t say it to you sooner.” He grabs Robby’s shoulders and drags him up to smash their lips together as Johnny groans again from the front seat “I love you,” he murmurs against his boyfriend's eager mouth “I love you so much.”

Robby giggles softly and cups his face, “I love you too Miggy.” He's grinning in that brilliant way that make’s his eyes shine and he can’t stop himself from kissing Robby again. “You two are sickening,” Johnny groans and Robby makes eye contact with his dad in the mirror despite the fact that he’s still driving and licks a strip up the side of his face from his jaw to his cheekbone.

He makes a little noise in surprise at the gesture and Robby laughs and wraps his arms around him from the side, grinning mischievously as Johnny gives him a death glare in return “I hate you both.”
He watches cautiously to see if Robby’s expression will change but it doesn’t, he just continues beaming at his dad. And while he’s been privy to more than a few of Robby’s moods this has got to be the weirdest, he’s almost aggressively happy but not in a way that’s forced. He has the feeling that when they next get out of the car Robby will be bouncing.

Turns out he’s right because when they finally pull up to a gas station Johnny tells them to grab some food while he fills the car. Robby instantly grabs his hand and he’s practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he tries to keep up with him. “Jesus christ how much coffee did you drink,” he asks as Robby continues his gentle swaying movements as they look over the gas station food.

“No coffee,” Robby replies distractedly “I’m just really happy and I love you very much.” This time he is the one who blushes and grabs Robby’s hand, spinning him around and planting his lips on the shorter boys. Robby’s still bouncing slightly, “sugar,” he murmurs against the boy's lips “you must have eaten loads of sugar when I wasn’t looking.” Robby just shakes his head again and gives him a final peck.

“I haven’t had caffeine or sugar, I just really like saying it,” he says with a slightly shyer smile that is much more on brand for him. His darkened freckles stand out against the pale skin and his pretty pink lips are slightly parted in a way that makes him want to pin him against the slushie machine.

“If you like saying it so much and you felt that way before why didn’t you ever tell me?” He peers down at Robby who is blushing and looking at their interlocked fingers nervously “I’m sorry I didn’t say it before I was just scared I guess,” he looks slightly uncomfortable as he pulls away from the embrace and starts grabbing chips and jerky and gatorade. “Why were you scared?” he asks, placing a hand on Robby’s ass to regain his attention, he blinks his pretty green eyes for a moment in surprise before glancing at the floor and back up to his eyes “I guess I just thought that eventually you’d see a side of me you didn’t like but last night, well I think that was the last side of me you hadn’t seen before and you didn’t call me a slut or think I was gross or anything like that so I just figured you’d seen everything at that point and you still loved me so I wanted to say it too because I love you so much and I have from the beginning.”
He still looks a little bashful but not as insecure as he had before, “You’re not going to scare me off that easily, and for the record about last night I don’t think you’re a slut at all. I think you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met and you’re beautiful, especially when you let me be in charge.” He giggles again, lacing their fingers together as he pays for the food while Robby is back to bouncing unhelpfully and grinning.

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen him this happy.
Robby falls asleep less than an hour later on his shoulder and in that time he probably says he loves him like twenty more times not that he minds, it’s the best thing he’s ever heard. He’s still too high on hearing him say it to sleep and they pass the border at 2:13 a.m.

He tries to focus on the fact that Robby loves him and not their impending arrival back to the karate war and family drama and maybe not sharing a bed every night. It seems like the perfect night to be having sex becasue he’s not sure what their lives will look like tomorrow but instead he just scoops Robby up and carries him to the hotel room. All his focus goes to staying awake to just listen to his boyfriends heart beat a little longer.

Notes:

Okay lots of big things this chapter including the fact that they’re almost home…

Only twenty chapters left now and more stories coming soon 💛

Chapter 33: In your eyes

He wakes up to Robby gently nuzzling against his neck, he’s still half asleep because he only slept for two hours whereas Robby got at least four times that. “Go back to sleep,” he grumbles, dragging him back down so Robby is sprawled across his chest. “It’s morning Miggy?” He smiles slightly “I love you but I think my dad is going to be annoyed if we don’t actually make it home today since it’s only three hours away.”

He groans and shoves Robby’s shoulder, burying his face back in the pillows as his boyfriend giggles and starts pressing soft kisses against his shoulders and down his spine. “You know when we get home the rest of the stuff you got should be here,” Robby says shyly.

“Hmm you want me to plug you up?” he teases gently but Robby just blushes and curls against his side, the sheets twisted around their legs “Do you really want to?” he asks softly “So much,” he promises laughing at Robby and kissing him.

“You know things are going to change right?” He tells Robby hesitantly “We might not be able to sleep together as much and you know the karate war is still in full swing, I just want to make sure you’re prepared. I know change isn’t easy for you.” Robby’s smile falls slightly as he looks down at their hands “I’ll figure it out Miggy, as long as you’re with me we’ll figure it out” Robby replies “Right?”

He takes his hand and interlaces their fingers, twisting one of Robby’s rings gently between his fingers “Course we will, we’re in love!” Robby laughs again at that “You’re right, and I can sneak into your bedroom whenever I want right?” He tries not to think about his mom's reaction to finding out they’re together, let alone finding them in bed together. “Uh I’m not sure about that babe I gotta start by telling my mom,” Robby winces and curls up a little “Right.”

He rolls over and pins him to the bed, trying to get the smile back on his face “We’ll figure it out mi amor,” he promises “and I’ll plan another scene with our new stuff as soon as we get a chance.” Robby still looks nervous and a little disappointed “Okay,” he says dejectedly as he rolls them over and kisses him again.

“How about we pay for a hotel room for a night? I'll tell my mom I’m sleeping over at Hawk’s or something and we’ll have a private space where you can be as loud as you want,” Robby smiles softly at that “You’re serious?” When he nods Robby flings himself at him and practically crushes him as he laughs at the enthusiasm, kissing him softly.

“Okay you really like that idea,” he laughs before climbing out of bed to grab his toothbrush. Robby remains sitting in bed with his tousled hair and bare chest covered in hickies, watching him sleepily “Why are you staring?” he asks curiously.

“You’re beautiful,” Robby yawns. “I’m happy we worked things out you know? It’s nice to have something good in my life again, something that’ll last.” He’s surprised to feel the tears well up in his eyes at Robby’s unfiltered honesty “Oh,” he murmurs softly wiping his face as he places his toothbrush on the counter and walks back to the bed to press a kiss to Robby’s soft pink lips.

“Oh Miggy don’t cry, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” Robby says softly and kisses his cheek. “Oh yeah, how do you see me?” he asks, dragging his boyfriend back down on the bed and kissing him. “I see you as someone who will take care of me,” he murmurs shyly. “You always make sure I’m okay and you’re a good boyfriend. You make me feel loved and safe and you’re just really amazing,” he blushes at that, kissing Robby again “God you’re sweet.”

His boyfriend looks down at their hands “I’m worried I’m not good enough for you.” Carefully he takes Robby’s hands and tilts his chin up to make eye contact. “Well I see you too my love and I see you as someone who has been dealt a rough hand in life despite not deserving it and I want to make sure that things get better for you from here and that if they don’t you’ll at least have someone to go through it with.”

Robby smiles at him “you’re doing a good job at it,” he adds thoughtfully. “Thank you baby, now why don’t you get dressed so we can go home?” Robby smiles and grabs Miguel’s hoodie from out of his suitcase pulling it on “does it cover my neck?” he asks nervously and he nods at Robby, grabbing the puppy from the pillow next to them and kissing the top of her head.

“You’re good,” he informs Robby as he pulls his jacket on and grabs the puppy from him, kissing her as well as she yips excitedly and licks his face. “Well at least one of us is excited to be up before the sun,” he laughs, cradling the puppy against his chest as they make their way to the car.
Robby falls asleep quickly with the puppy pressed between them which is probably good for Johnny’s sanity because he has the feeling if Sensei had to watch them make out anymore someone would end up dead.

Three hours until they get home, he lets Robby rest because god knows he won’t be able to much once they get back to whatever shitshow Mr. LaRusso and the rest of their idiot friends have managed to create in their absence. He falls asleep to the puppy licking his and Robby’s intertwined fingers.

Notes:

Sorry I think I lied to you all last time, pretty sure I said they’d be getting home next chapter but I forgot about this little filler one so hopefully it’s still enjoyable and not too disappointing 💛

Chapter 34: I know it hurts to smile, but you try to (but you try to)

“Hey guys we’re here,” Johnny murmurs, shaking the two of them as he blinks heavily. Why will no one let him sleep today? Robby yawns adorably and squirms against him, puppy cradled to his chest, it’s not the worst thing to wake up too.

“I’m going to go get your mom, just don’t take more than a few minutes coming upstairs.” Johnny informs him and anxiety makes him feel nauseous when he realizes he has to see his mom after months of absence. “Robby and I will just grab the mail and drop his stuff at your apartment then we’ll be up,” Johnny gives him an unimpressed look but he grabs Robby’s hand and drags him out of the car.

He’d been wide awake at 5:00 a.m. but now his hair is tousled and his eyes are barely cracked open as he clings to his sleeve with the puppy in his other arm. He’s absolutely no help with his bags as he grabs his boyfriend's duffle and Johnny’s mailbox key.

“Okay c’mere kitten,” he says, hand on Robby’s lower back as he yawns and follows him distractedly. Robby just hums sleepily in response as he grabs their packages from the mailbox and unlocks Johnny’s door.

He tosses everything that’s not theirs on the table and then walks into Robby’s bedroom which consists of only a twin bed and his skateboard and a half empty backpack “Oh my god I’m taking you shopping to get stuff for your room soon,” he says looking at the bare walls and then back to his boyfriend who is curled up on the musty mattress with Daisy settled against his hip “do you want to open these now?” That at least gets Robby’s attention as he nods and grabs at the packages without so much as a word.

He watches Robby unwrap the lube and the plug which has him gaping at Robby in surprise “That’s big,” he informs him dumbly to which Robby smirks sleepily “I know that, it’s supposed to be.” He’s not sure why Robby is trying to make things harder for himself but it’s fun for him so-

“Do you want to come meet my mom or put it off a bit?” He asks as Robby continues staring at him sleepily and reaching out to grab him, nodding and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Okay c’mere,” he laughs, scooping Robby up and letting him wrap his legs around his waist, tucking his face in his neck like a koala. “‘M tired,” he whines against his throat which makes him laugh and rub Robby’s round butt through his sweatpants. “That’s nice,” he yawns, pushing his ass back as he continues massaging his cheeks. “Okay I don’t think I can put this off any longer,” he says and Robby makes a noncommittal noise in response and tightens his strong thighs around his hips, nose pressed against the side of his neck.

He’s very cute and he’s absolutely going to start depriving Robby of caffeine if he behaves like this. “Okay so I have a few more things I bought you that you can unwrap later and we are absolutely getting your prescription refilled this afternoon and conning your dad into buying you new stuff for your room, got it?” Robby just grunts in agreement and tightens his thighs again.

He grabs his bag from the car and swings it awkwardly over his shoulder while supporting Robby with his other hand. Thank god for karate because his stupid tiny boyfriend is ripped and his back is starting to hurt supporting Robby’s weight without tripping on the dog who is running in circles around his legs as he struggles across the courtyard.

The apartment door is cracked open as he pushes in slightly, his mom is already crying and she starts for him before realizing he has Robby in his arms. Her face falls and hardens at the same time and he flinches slightly which makes Robby whine in protest and tighten his grip again as the puppy jumps up and down and licks his legs, he’s pretty sure Daisy has absorbed all of Robby’s energy.

“Hey Sensei, can you grab him?” Johnny’s smile softens as he pulls Robby from him. His boyfriend makes a displeased noise but tucks his face against Johnny’s chest and scrunches his fists in his dad's shirt. Johnny is much bigger than him and he doesn’t seem to struggle at all with Robby’s weight, holding him balanced on one hip like someone would a young kid and he looks young with his brown locks unstyled and sticking up randomly and his face buried in his dad’s chest. God he’s just so pretty.

“Hola mama” he says nervously when his hands are freed and then his mom is holding him and crying and she smells like flowers, it’s the same perfume she’s worn since he was a kid “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs, feeling tears spring to his eyes as he squeezes them shut and relaxes into his mom's embrace, he had missed her so much.
Sometime soon he should take Robby to visit his mom at the rehab place.

“We will talk about this later,” his mom says sharply but her hands are soft in his hair and he nods while she just tightens her arms around him. “That’s good I wanted to talk to you and Yaya too” his mom nods and he can tell she’s crying.

When she finally lets go of him she moves to awkwardly embrace Johnny’s Robby free side “Thank you Johnny but I think we need to be alone as a family for a while.” Johnny nods understandingly and he’s impressed with his Sensei’s ability to let that go because he knows he missed Carmen a lot, especially being stuck around him and Robby’s clinginess.

“Here I just gotta,” he breathes, pulling away from his mom for a moment to scoop up Daisy and hand her to Robby who is barely awake but blinks his beautiful green eyes at him. He’s almost worried with how out of it Robby seems as he makes a little grabby gesture that has him smiling and hugging his boyfriend “I’m tired,” Robby informs him straightforwardly and he laughs “I can see that,” he’s not even sure Robby is aware of where he is.

He hands Robby the puppy but his boyfriend shakes his head and shoves her back at him “You should keep her with you until I see you again,” the way Robby says it is very final and he realizes he’s probably struggling with today a lot more than he’d realized. He knows Robby has separation anxiety but he hasn’t really seen it because they’ve always been together.

“I told you I have presents for you but I have to wrap them first so I’ll bring them by later along with your dog, and I know you don’t need me to remind you but make your dad buy actual dog stuff, or actually we’ll add that to our list of things to do tomorrow.” Robby nods and though he still looks absolutely exhausted he looks upset now too. “Are you okay going back to the apartment?” he asks quietly though he knows it’s not actually private, if he can give Robby that illusion that’s something.

“Yeah,” he gives him an unimpressed look because he can tell that’s not true “Robby-” he starts but he’s shaking his head and burying his face in Johnny’s chest, sniffling. “Okay I’ll keep the dog until this afternoon,” he promises, kissing Robby’s forehead tenderly as he curls up against his dad “she’ll look after you,” Robby tells him exhaustedly as he smiles slightly “I know that’s why I got her for you” he reminds him.

“Go home, take a nap and call me when you wake up,” Robby nods and Johnny ruffles his hair and props him up on his hip better to give him an awkward half hug that’s so abnormal for Sensei he’s pretty sure his jaw actually drops. “Uh bye Sensei,” he says awkwardly as the puppy licks his shoe to get his attention.

His mom is staring at him as the door closes and he collapses on the couch “So I’m bisexual and Robby and I are dating just so you know,” he blurts out, wincing as his mom stares at him. He can tell she’s a little upset but he’s been holding off too long already and he’d felt so distanced from everyone in his life even before he’d left, he just can’t go back to that.

“Dios mio Miguel you-” she runs a hand over her face “I don’t like this Miggy, I don’t feel safe with you near him.” It actually takes a ton of effort to not snap at her for that comment because he knows where she’s coming from as his mom but Robby is just the least violent person he’s ever met, even his karate looks like dancing.

“Mom, he's just the most amazing person, and he’s so gentle you should see him with animals.” His mom is still shaking her head “and you like guys now Miggy?” He can see that she’s struggling but it’s really hard for him to accept and Daisy is jumping up on his lap and nuzzling against his fingers.

“Well not exactly, I mean I guess I’ve always sort of liked guys. I’m attracted to girls more often but I mean Robby is absolutely beautiful.” His mom just shakes her head “Look I’m sorry it just seems like this huge change is coming from him and I don’t think he’s the person you think he is. I mean how can you feel safe with someone like that?”
He has to blink back tears at that comment even as he feels like this is his own fault for not being more tactful “Mom this isn’t a phase, Robby has changed my life and I know you don’t really know him but he’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met, and he’s not violent at all. Everything that happened was a freak accident and he didn’t deserve what he went through when it happened but we’re both choosing to move forward.”
She stands up and shakes her head in a way that makes his stomach sink. “I love you but I will never be okay with this,” she says shakily and he feels disappointment and guilt mixed in his stomach. Maybe this wasn’t fair to put on her thirty seconds after he got home but he’d just wanted his mom to love Robby as much as he does because he deserves that and the fact that she’s saying that won’t happen is heartbreaking.

“I understand it’s hard for you but he’s an important part of my life and it’s important to me that you treat him well when he’s here,” His mom glares at him, jaw slightly clenched “I don’t want him in the house,” she says sternly and he has to fight down the urge to roll his eyes. “You literally don’t know him, can you please just give him a chance, for me?”

His mom stands and walks to the kitchen where she starts reheating something that smells delicious in a pot over the stove “I’m not going to lie to you and say I think any of this is okay but you live here too and I’m not going to ban him from the apartment or torment him alright? I’ll be civil but that’s it.”

This time he scoffs slightly “Yeah okay whatever,” he knows it’s rude, knows this is a lot for her but can she not just say she’ll try with Robby? “I just want to remind you that I was awful to him first, I picked fights when I didn’t even know him, I kissed his girlfriend even though I knew they were dating. I targeted his dislocated shoulder on purpose and I tormented him during that school fight. Honestly what happened was such a random occurrence, it could’ve been me on the other side just as easily but it wasn’t. I don’t want that to be the determining moment of my life, I have moved past it and it would help a lot of the people you care about if you could try to do the same.”

He leaves without giving her a chance to respond and collapses on his bed, there are tears on his cheeks and he lets himself feel the ache in his chest for a moment. He'd had such high hopes for this moment but maybe that wasn’t fair. He can’t be a kid forever and growing away from his mom might be a part of that, she’s always going to be such an important influence in his life but if having Robby means she’ll have less of a presence, well that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make.

Because Robby’s it for him, in such a short amount of time he’s become his priority in every way and he knows they’re young but this is the type of love most people never find and considering what they’ve overcome already and how strong their communication is, he honestly believes they can make this relationship last forever and he wants to show Robby that he chooses him everyday.

Still, he’s alone for the first time in what feels like months and he lets himself be seventeen and cry over the fact that his mom who has been his whole life for so long doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to accept his relationship, doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to accept him.

It hurts so bad and he doesn’t think there’s a way around that either so he just holds Daisy and lets himself feel like a kid for a couple minutes.

Notes:

Alright I have mixed feelings about this chapter after proofreading because Miguel coming out was so sudden, my intention was to have him just kind of blurt it out because he was tired of keeping secrets but I’m not sure if that came across. Hopefully it made some sense because the rest of this fic is already written and it would’ve been more work than I wanted to take on to rewrite it.

Chapter 35: Oh, you try to (you try to)

He spends their first full day back dragging Robby around a bunch of stores to buy sheets, bedding, art supplies, electronics and all sorts of things he needs. They paint his bedroom sage green with a cream color accent wall behind his bed, he also paints the bed frame black. He wants to make Robby feel secure here so he fills the soothing green room with plants, bonsai, and piles of earthy colored throw blankets. There’s a black dresser, bookcase, and desk as well.

Honestly they spend the entire day putting together a comfortable living space for Robby and the dog (including three hours of bookshelf organization because apparently Robby owns more books than clothes.) So he pretty much wiped out Johnny’s savings to buy everything Robby needs for his room along with books and a new wardrobe full of knit sweaters that he’s never seen his boyfriend in before but look comfortable and it’s so important to him that Robby is comfortable because he hasn’t been often in his life.

“Miagi-Fang is going to get pizza and we’re invited, want to go?” He asks, suckling gently on Robby’s sensitive chest as they lay sprawled across the super fluffy twin bed, finally finished decorating. Robby whines “I thought I got to open what you got me?” he asks hesitantly. His plump bottom lip is pushed out in a slight pout and he wants to kiss it away but he’s already busy sucking and kissing Robby’s chest.

“I’ll give you your present and then we can get pizza,” Robby still seems subdued but he nods and rolls over to rest his face over his heart, damp hair cool against his skin. “Alright, here's your present,” he tells Robby, handing him the pretty paper bag stuffed with pink tissue paper. There’s a ridiculous amount of lacy silk panties he’d grabbed at the store when Robby wasn’t looking and a jewelry box with the collar in it that Robby doesn’t know about.

His expression is soft and his cheeks are tinged pink as he inspects the incredible variety of underwear he’d found, he’s got all different colors, shapes, and fabrics. “Oh these are nice,” he whispers shyly, inspecting the different pairs of underwear. “So I’m not going to lie, these are a little bit for me but I know you like things like this and you’re not always comfortable expressing it so I thought these might be fun for you to experiment with and no one will see it except you and hopefully me if you’re comfortable with it.” He smiles softly and grabs Robby’s hand “There’s one more thing but if you don’t like it I promise I’ll understand, actually that applies to the other gift as well. If you don’t like it you can totally just tell me to piss off-”

He hadn’t expected to be so nervous over it and he has to laugh when Robby rolls his eyes and takes the pretty pink box with its silver ribbon out from under the lacy panties, Robby’s so gentle with the fragile fabric and he holds that same soft energy as he opens the box. His eyes widen when he sees what’s inside, the flexible pink leather looks even better in person and it’s got a nice metal ring he can use to drag Robby around (gently of course) his stomach stirs slightly at the thought.

“Can I wear these to pizza?” he asks shyly, causing him to smile excitedly and kiss Robby’s cheek. “Anything you want, I think that one hoodie I have will cover the collar.” Robby is blushing but he’s also bouncing eagerly and stripping out of his clothes, revealing smooth lightly freckled skin.

Even after months in Mexico he’s still pale but the new freckles are a cute look on him. “Will you put it on me?” Robby asks, handing him the collar shyly. He smiles and nods, taking the pink collar and clipping it around Robby’s slender neck, kissing his Adam's apple gently as he shivers under the touch and whimpers beautifully. “Oh you’re so pretty kitten,” he says, hugging Robby gently against his chest.

He also picks out a pair of purple silk panties with little white flowers that perfectly frame his ass, he drags Robby forward to kiss each cheek over the soft fabric which makes his boyfriend giggle and shove him away “god don’t be such a tease,” he groans, crawling off the bed and pulling on a pair of tight jeans that also look amazing on him.

If Robby could find clothes that didn’t make him look amazing he’d be shocked.

The pants he picked are some cute distressed black jeans with holes in the knees and thighs and a chunky knit green turtleneck sweatshirt that makes his eyes look absolutely stunning. Robby disappears into the bathroom and comes back with his hair slicked back and the orange bottle they’d gotten refilled earlier clutched in one hand.

“Do we have any water?” Roby asks and he nods and passes him a glass, trying to rid himself of the irrational surge of pride he feels when Robby casually swallows the pills and grabs Daisy’s leash. “Okay we can go but you owe me… I don’t know something I want for doing this.”

He can’t help laughing a little at Robby as he draws him in by the back of his neck, pressing their lips together and letting his tongue slide briefly into Robby’s warm mouth “Whatever you want baby,” he promises, lacing their fingers together and dragging him out of his room laughing as the puppy yips happily and lets the leash tangle around their legs.

“C’mere sweetheart,” he says, scooping Daisy off the ground and running his fingers through her downy fur before handing the squirmy animal to Robby who smiles at him and holds her tightly against his sweater clad chest. The chunky knit is a cute look on him, it highlights his biceps and broad chest while still accentuating the softness of his features. “You know if you keep dressing like this I’m going to completely lose control everytime I’m around you,” Robby smirks. “Maybe I like it that way.”

He has to repress a mile at Robby’s sassy attitude “Oh I know you do,” he laughs as Robby flops down in the passenger seat with his arms crossed over his chest and Daisy on his lap as he puts the Pizza place into google maps.

“No week long detours this time?” Robby asks, sounding vaguely disappointed as he shakes his head “Nope we’re back to the twenty first century babe, hate to break it to you.” Robby frowns slightly at that, and doesn’t say anything for the rest of the fifteen minute drive.

He’s not exactly worried because Robby’s a pretty quiet person a lot of the time but he looks slightly pale and he is hunched over and silent. When they park he stays behind the wheel for a minute to see if Roby protests but he just closes his eyes and slumps back against the seat until he opens the door, following silently as the dog remains close to his side.

“El Serpiente!” Hawk shouts loudly walking towards them and freezing when he sees Robby fiddling with Daisy’s leash. “What are you doing here?” he scowls angrily and Robby straightens up, his eyes flat as he refuses to make eye contact.

“I’m here to eat pizza,” he replies sarcastically as Hawk growls and moves between them “Cobra Kai aren’t welcome here,” he growls. Before he can jump in and defend Robby the dog snarls and moves to pounce on Eli which wouldn’t be a problem because she’s small but Robby scoops her up and flattens her ears down, pressing a kiss to her head and ignoring Eli.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs soothingly as the dog settles down, her amber eyes still fixed on Eli who looks vaguely uncomfortable, he remembers Johnny letting them get chased by dogs and his friends bloody leg afterward and shudders.

“Look I’m sorry about your hair okay?” Robby starts and his voice is steady but resigned which is when it hits him that Robby hadn’t expected this afternoon to go well, he had but maybe that was just naive of him. “It was a shit thing to do and I wish I could change it but I can’t- it’s done now, we’ve both moved on.”

Eli gives Robby a look of disgust and under that the same insecurity that’s always kind of been there, that he hid behind mohawks and tattoos. Between him and Robby he’s started wondering if this shit ever really goes away or if it’s just something you learn to live with, maybe he should ask Demetri- he at least seems to be moving past the whole incident with his arm.

Or maybe it just doesn’t work like that, because he doesn’t dream about falling anymore either. Sometimes he dreams of Robby on his knees next to him and he can’t move to comfort him which is its own kind of hell but it’s not the same, it doesn’t come from the same place.

“We don’t want you here,” Hawk tells Robby sharply “no one wants you here.” The words are far from friendly but the level of cruelty when directed at Robby specifically leaves him reeling, his boyfriend flinches almost imperceptibly but he can see the slight tremors in Robby’s hands as he tightens his fingers around the dog's collar.

“Fuck off man that’s not-” he looks to Sam or Moon for help but Sam is staring at Robby’s shoes and is making no move to help him. “Maybe you should just go Robby,” Sam murmurs and she’s quiet but her voice is iron it’s like- she doesn’t want him here. “You invited me here, you knew we were together what-” he starts and everyone’s looking uncomfortably at them as Robby reaches for him with a quiet desperation that breaks his heart, fingers tangling in his sleeve as he links their pinkies together. “Look, you guys can stay if you want. I just don’t know if this is the best idea after everything…” Sam trails off awkwardly.

“After everything, what does that even mean Sam? We’ve all done shit okay-” Sam is shaking her head and determinedly looking away from Robby “That’s not the same and you know it!” Robby flinches violently this time, tightening his grip on his sleeve. “Can we go-” Robby murmurs but he’s too angry to listen, shaking his boyfriend off. “No screw this, I’m the one who got hurt okay not any of you- why are you criminalizing people for things that have nothing to do with you!”

Sam and some of the other Miagi-Do’s are staring at the ground and Demetri is glaring at Sam slightly. “Look, that day was hard for all of us, okay! We-” he tightens his grip on Robby’s hand “screwed up! Sam we screwed up massively and the things that happened that day are on us too, not just Robby.”

Sam flinches at that and opens her mouth to protest when Daisy makes a little yowling noise and scrambles closer to Robby’s chest, obviously sensing his distress. “I didn’t mean to,” he murmurs under his breath and there’s a light sheen of tears in his beautiful eyes as he looks on pleadingly “I was angry but I didn’t want to hurt you- god I never meant to hurt anyone.”

He’s gently turning Robby around and pressing a kiss against his cheek “Go wait in the car baby I’ll be out in a minute and we’ll go on a date just the two of us, anything you want,” he nods mutely and walks away back still straight as he admires his wide shoulders in the sweater like he can ignore the fact that they’re bowed slightly.

“Look you guys are my friends, all of you, but if you talk to him like that you won’t be getting any help in whatever this mess is. He’s important to me and if you treat him badly he’ll keep coming back because that’s what he thinks he deserves but I won’t and before anyone gives me shit I would do the same for any of you.”

With that he storms back to the car, slumping in the front seat and turning to Robby whose hands are still shaking and white knuckled. “Shit Robby I’m so sorry please don’t feel like this means anything I- I don’t want you to be sad.” He scoffs and clenches his fists, tilting his head back and revealing his pale neck, the sweater no longer hiding his pink collar. “I’m not sad I’m fucking angry-” he snaps, hands pulling slightly too hard as he works his shaking fingers through his gelled back hair, pulling it out of it’s style.

He flinches at Robby’s harsh tone and watches his boyfriend flinch “I didn’t mean- I’m not angry with you I’m angry that everyone hates me so much for one kick. They’ve all kicked people and I know it’s different because I hurt you so badly but I didn’t mean to and they’ve done shit on purpose why-” He takes a harsh breath and continues running his fingers through his hair.

“I didn’t mean it like that Miggy, I know how badly I messed up but it was an accident.” He feels his heart break when he realizes Robby is still very much blaming himself for what has happened, he reaches a hand out to grab the ring on Robby’s collar, dragging him into a passionate kiss that he whines into.

“I love you,” he whispers against Robby’s mouth “and you are right, they’re all being hypocrites and you deserve more.” He can feel the frustrated tears on Robby’s cheeks as he wraps his arms around his shoulders, tucking him into the embrace. “Hey listen to me you deserve so much more than those assholes and if they don’t figure their shit out we can leave, like we’re seventeen and life doesn’t have to be just karate always okay- you don’t owe them anything.”

Robby sobs softly against his throat as his arms tighten around his boyfriend, ignoring the center console of the car digging into his abs. “Thank you for saying that,” Robby whispers as he kisses his forehead and cheeks. “I mean it” he promises, trying to swallow down his own anger and let Robby just have this.

Sam and Eli both send apology texts the next day and it makes the knot of anxiety in his stomach ease, he doesn’t realize until later that it doesn’t have the same effect on Robby.

Notes:

I was so excited because I edited this chapter really quickly after I posted the last one but then my grandma had to go to the hospital (luckily she’s fine) but it was a huge distraction and I forgot about it until today so here it is!

Chapter 36: You always try to hide the pain (oh, oh)

He can see Robby trying with his mom, he brings flowers and offers to help around the house and with cooking which is a habit he certainly didn’t get from either of his parents. His charm wins Yaya over in about twenty seconds, especially when she realizes he’s practically fluent in Spanish by now.

But his mom’s sharp eyes follow Robby’s every move like she thinks he’ll start slipping things into his pockets, when he tries to ask her about it she just says that she’s seen his criminal records and he has several charges of petty theft.

He tries really hard to focus on the good parts, Robby has gotten back into Miagi-Do and he’s training with Johnny as well, perfecting his technique. He gets a job working at a book and art store part time and he comes over when Carmen is working late to help with dinner and watch telenovelas with Yaya.

Robby draws more often now that he has the discount at the store and while he’s only seen glimpses of his sketchbook when he’s passed out with his cheek stuck to the pages, what he does see is beautiful.

Still when his mom is home Robby’s easy charm becomes tangible anxiety and he just curls into himself in that way that’s like he’s holding his breath. If she’s home the sketchbook stays closed and he’s quiet and nervous and it sucks to see someone you love acting like they don’t deserve to take up space.

And it makes him so angry he can hardly breathe, this is his story, it's his life and he knows that the things that happened affected everyone else too but doesn’t he deserve to move past this? There’s so much behind him and he doesn’t want to get stuck there.

He doesn’t want Robby to be stuck there.
But he can almost see the way Robby flinches at his Mom’s appearance in the apartment, she’s not even rude, just cold and he thinks this is the last thing Robby needs. At first he tries to do better but like every other time in his life he gives up when he realizes it’s not enough- that he’s not enough. It’s not true, Robby is worth everything and the fact that his mom doesn’t see that, that Robby doesn’t see that just breaks his heart.

Notes:

Short chapter today but the next one is long and smutty 🥰

Chapter 37: You always know just what to say (oh, dear)

Notes:

This is possibly the longest chapter wow the entire fic and it’s all smut so you’re welcome!

He’s been working on this all week, his mom thinks he’s going to sleep over at Demetri’s and Robby had paid for the room at a decent hotel. It’s nothing particularly fancy but it’s nice enough that it’ll be clean and cozy with a big bed and really that’s all they need.

The scene is all planned out and he can tell Robby is eager to know what they’ll be doing since he hasn’t told him any details. It’s the first time they’ll have their toys and he has some fun ideas he thinks Robby will love, the thought of how good he’ll make him feel is the best part of this whole thing.

Especially since he hasn’t let Robby cum for eight days, he hadn’t done anything wrong but he loves seeing him squirm beautifully on his lap not letting him get off or the way a few soft touches are enough to get him hard at practice. He’d known he liked control but seeing Robby clinging to him every time they were together, squirming and eager and even more desperate for affection than he usually is was a huge turn on and definitely something he plans to keep playing with as things progress.

Although he hadn’t meant it to be straight up denial they’d been busy settling back into their routine and his little ‘you’re not allowed to cum without my help until Saturday’ rule meant that besides a blowjob in the dojo bathroom after class they haven’t fooled around at all in a week.

When he opens the door to Johnny’s apartment he’s met with a very excited Robby, his boyfriend practically throwing himself into his arms “My dad’s gone,” he murmurs eagerly, already thrusting his hips against Miguel’s thigh, his cock hard. “No baby you gotta wait until we get to the hotel,” Robby whines and pulls back his eyes are already the slightest bit glazed and he takes in the flushed cheeks and half zipped jeans. “Were you touching yourself kitten?” he asks curiously, he hadn’t planned a punishment but Robby’s ass looks particularly appealing in his tight jeans and he wouldn’t mind spanking him a bit.

“Y-yeah but I didn’t cum,” he responds nervously and he’s clearly telling the truth if his obvious erection isn’t enough to go by. “You know you’re only making things harder for yourself,” he adds letting the issue drop as he kisses Robby’s flushed cheek and grabs his backpack off of the floor “I wasn’t going to start until we got there but since you’re having a hard time waiting and we have the apartment to ourselves why don’t we get a headstart?”

Robby nods frantically “please” he begs, not quite realizing what that means for him and instead pulling Miguel into the living room. It’s clear that controlling when Robby came was a turn on for both of them and not just him. “Alright kitten pull off your pants and bend over the armrest of the couch,” Robby practically flings himself into position, squirming erratically to get his pants and lacy red underwear off, a litany of pleas falling from his lips.

He digs through the blue backpack, pushing aside lingerie and clothes until he finds their toys. “You forgot to give me a kiss,” he reminds Robby who eagerly accepts the embrace when he drags him into a wet messy kiss, laughing throughout. It’s probably not great that he’s throwing his plan out the window but this will make it even better and it’s technically the same things they already discussed. “Bend over baby, spread your legs” he instructs as Robby complies quickly, he rests his hand gently over his boyfriend's throat. He caresses the skin paying special attention to the faint hickies he can still see before clipping the pink collar on and tugging slightly on the ring to make sure it’s attached properly and not too tight. Robby keens loudly as his head is tugged slightly to either side, ass pushed back and knees spread as he leans against the arm of the couch.

“I’m going to plug you up, sound good kitten?” Robby whines and sucks on the fingers he pushes gently into the subs mouth “green” he murmurs around the digits, spit spilling down his chin. When he pulls his hand away Robby nudges the shoulder he’s using to prop himself up, rubbing like a cat and humming. It normally takes longer to get Robby in such a submissive headspace but anticipation and arousal have him pushing back desperately against his hand as he fingers Robby.

His boyfriend is always tight but it’s been a week since he’s had the opportunity to do this and it’s definitely harder than normal “Oh kitten you’re so tight for me,” he coos as Robby whines and presses his face against the arm of the couch. He lets his hand run over the swell of his subs ass, running between his cheeks and grabbing the tingling lube “color?” he asks calmly, free hand stroking Robby’s hair. “Green” he murmurs breathlessly lacing their fingers together as he presses a finger into Robby’s tight pink hole, rubbing his wet fingers gently against his boyfriend’s inside walls as he keens loudly.

After a couple minutes Robby is moaning loudly and pushing back against his two fingers and he finally lifts the plug and places the cold metal against his hole. “Please,” Robby begs before he can even check in with him. He snorts slightly at that and leans down to press a kiss to the curve of Robby’s shoulder before slowly starting to push the plug in.

Not only is it bigger than he’d expected it’s fucking heavy but it’s not hard to get inside him, a light press against his hole and he rubs Robby’s lower back as he presses the plug all the way in. Robby arches his back and his mouth falls open as the plug settles in to rest against his prostate “Miguel-” he moans sounding like the air has been punched out of him. “Okay sweetheart you’re doing so good for me, why don’t you get dressed now” he murmurs, kissing Robby’s hip gently before drawing back.

“What?” he murmurs thickly. The confusion is clear in his expression as he shifts and whines “Put your pants on we have to get going, I’ll be in the car.” At first Robby just blinks at him but eventually he shifts positions and starts tugging his clothes on, when he’s finally dressed again he stumbles across the room and practically collapses into his embrace, knees giving out.

“Okay you’re okay” he murmurs softly against Robby’s hair “color?” For a moment Robby doesn’t respond, his legs trembling and mouth parted slightly around a small whining noise. “Green,” he finally mumbles as he stumbles toward the door.

His steps are unsteady but he manages to improve it a little bit and by the time he gets to the car he’s walking mostly straight although his skin is flushed a dark red and he’s wobbling like a baby deer. He’s hard as well watching Robby try to maneuver himself despite the overwhelming pleasure, it’s beautiful- Robby is beautiful.

“You’re so good for me kitten,” he murmurs, unable to keep himself from rubbing Robby’s knee gently through the denim. Robby squirms and at first he thinks he’s just getting settled but he continues to shift and he’s not sure if he’s just uncomfortable or if it’s stimulating but it makes arousal pool in his stomach “Sit still Robby” he orders calmly.

And while he wouldn’t be opposed to bondage watching him force himself still is even more arousing. He waits a few more minutes until they’re stopped safely at a light and then he grabs his phone and opens the app that controls his plug, setting the vibration to the lowest setting. Robby jerks as though he’s been electrocuted, yelping and digging his fingers into his knee as his head falls back. He can see his muscles are tensed to keep himself still and he looks stunning like this, eyes closed and his head tilted back as he moans loudly.

“Miggy I can’t-” he whimpers, hand closing around his knee as he presses his face into his neck to hide his tears. It’s moments like these where this dynamic most concerns him because there is nothing he wants more than to draw Robby into his arms and soothe his tears away but he has to remind himself that he’s overwhelmed not upset and that Robby likes this, it’s just hard to overcome his initial instinct to stop everything because he believes Robby is hurting.

“You can, you’re doing so good for me already kitten.” He coos softly against Robby’s hair as he tucks his head further into his shoulder and presses a kiss to the palm of Robby’s hand. He keeps the vibrations on for a couple more minutes before turning it off to let Robby regain some composure before they have to check in.

It’s not enough to keep the receptionist from staring at Robby as he clings to his arm to try and balance himself, his face is incredibly red as sweat beads on his hairline. “You’re really feeling this huh baby?” he asks quietly as someone goes to fetch their room key “Uh huh,” he murmurs breathlessly “s’ really heavy.”

He laughs slightly at that, “how do you feel?” he asks quietly, rubbing little circles on Robby’s lower back. “Full,” Robby murmurs breathlessly, his language a bit stilted as he continues trying to wrap himself around Miguel despite the fact that they’re still in the lobby.

When the lady comes back with his key he’s ridiculously tempted to make Robby take the stairs but he’s not planning on doing that until Robby starts bouncing again and he can tell from how he’s moving that it’s stimulating and if he wants more stimulation and not less the stairs might not be such a bad idea.

He wraps an arm around Robby’s waist as he struggles across the lobby to the elevator, finally managing to walk normally until they get there and he steers him toward the stairs “I was thinking we’d walk, get some exercise y’know?” And god it’s worth it just to see Robby stare in open mouthed horror as a small “What?” escapes his lips. His eyes are huge and green as he rubs his thighs together to create some friction.

“Yeah I figured we’d walk since we’re just going to be lying in bed all night anyway, that’s not a problem is it?” he asks teasingly, reaching over to playfully spank Robby’s round ass which looks particularly appealing through his tight jeans. His mouth falls open at the gesture, lips parted around a quiet moan as he tries to hump against his leg, there’s no one around so he allows it for a moment.

The closeness is amazing and he places his hands gently on Robby’s shoulders as he buries his face in his neck and continues thrusting his hips forward “Hold still Robby,” he says somewhat harshly and Robby freezes “I’m sorry” he whispers and his voice is absolutely wrecked “please don’t leave-”

It’s that plea that finally has him drawing Robby into the stairwell and bringing his shaking body down to rest in his lap as he kneels on the carpeted stairs. “Hey I’m right here kitten, I’m not going anywhere” he coos, peppering Robby’s face and hair with sweet kisses as Robby muffles his sobs against his throat.

“Color sweetheart?” he asks carefully, and Robby pulls back, wiping at his red cheeks and sniffling “Y-yellow,” he manages, pushing his chest forward like he used to do when this thing between them was new and he was starving for contact. “Alright baby, do you want to keep going? What do I need to slow down?” He asks cautiously, still carding his fingers through Robby’s soft brown locks and wondering if he’d picked too intense of a scene or if he should’ve waited to put the plug in until they got to the room like he’d planned-

“I don’t want to stop” Robby whines, hips shifting slightly so he can feel how hard Robby is in his jeans “s’just a lot.” He hums quietly as Robby relaxes into the embrace, his eyelids drooping like he’s going to fall even farther into subspace with just the physical contact. “What do you need?” he asks again, cupping Robby’s jaw and turning him so they’re making eye contact “Just keep me close please,” he begs “and tell me if I’m making you mad?”

His heart breaks at the shakiness in Robby’s tone as he presses an openmouthed kiss to his subs chewed pink lips “Oh baby I’m not mad at you, I’m never mad at you mi amor but sometimes I have to do things that might be hard for you to make you feel good okay? It feels good doesn’t it kitten?” He strokes Robby’s back and hopes that what he’s saying works because it’s hard to find a balance between all these dynamics and he figures reverting entirely back to himself would do more damage than good with Robby falling deeper and deeper into subspace.

“I know,” Robby sniffles “it’s good Miggy- you’re good s’just a lot” he repeats breathlessly. He nods understandingly and kisses Robby’s forehead as he nuzzles against his chest “Are you okay to keep going?” he asks sternly, hands in his boyfriend's hair as Robby nods “Uh huh, I’m green we can keep going.”

Despite his reassurances Robby only manages to make it halfway up the stairs before he collapses, legs weak underneath him and Miguel takes the opportunity to scoop Robby up into his arms and carry him like a little kid with Robby’s arms and legs wrapped around him like a koala and a hand on his ass that is probably jostling the plug with every movement.

Still Robby absolutely melts into the touch, moaning softly at the stimulation the new position offers. By the time they actually arrive at their hotel room he has a dark wet patch on the front of his gray jeans and for a minute he thinks Robby came and he didn’t notice but once he gets the door shut and drops their backpacks on the floor he reaches a hand down Robby’s underwear which makes him keen loudly but it’s enough to tell that it’s just precome.

“Baby I think you’re going to cum before we can finish this off,” he says laughing “desperate little kitten aren’t you?” Robby freezes and for a second he thinks that was the wrong thing to say, a little too close to Jason’s sadism but Robby’s lips are parted in pleasure and his head is tilted back exposing his pale throat and pink collar.

He leans forward and licks the column of Robby’s neck gently “so pretty for me,” he murmurs, sucking a hickey into the delicate skin as Robby squirms around until he’s able to kick off his jeans. He’s left in just the lacy red underwear he was wearing before, the perfect contrast to his flushed skin. “T-t-there's a cock ring in my bag s-so I won’t cum too soon,” he offers nervously “I knew I wouldn’t last” and with how sensitive Robby’s prostate is that’s probably a really good idea, still he’s never seen one outside of porn.

“Where'd you get this baby,” he asks curiously as Robby tosses his head back and squirms as he continues light touches against his hard shaft. “I had it from before,” he moans quietly. “I use it sometimes to make sure I don’t cum on accident when I’m touching myself without you- don’t want to let you down.” Robby murmurs shyly, grabbing the ring from him and snapping it around the base of his cock.

This time he’s the one who moans “Shit you’re so good for me love” he laughs, licking into Robby’s pliant mouth and ignoring the way their knees knock awkwardly together “I’m so proud of you,” he murmurs as he drags Robby onto his lap and encourages him to roll his hips down on his thigh.

“Take my clothes off,” he orders breathlessly and Robby obeys so quickly it’s almost comical. It feels like thirty seconds before he’s stripped down to his boxers and Robby is rocking on his knees “Can I suck you please?” he moans eagerly and it’s so fucking hot he can’t help but grab the ring on his collar and tug Robby down so his face is level with his crotch.

He expects his boyfriend to tug his boxers off but instead Robby just starts mouthing at his dick through the gray cotton, it’s an entirely different sensation that has him moaning and twining his fingers through Robby’s hair, the other hand still gripping his collar as he murmurs sweet things to his sub.

“Alright baby come up here,” he murmurs when he feels himself getting closer to orgasm. Luckily Robby is quick to scramble up to the headboard and curl against his side, he takes a moment to just touch Robby, run his hands over the hard muscles and smooth planes of his boyfriend's body. He waits until Robby has completely melted against him before grabbing his phone and putting the plug on its second setting.

He’s not even sure how to describe the noise Robby makes but it’s really fucking hot. “Oh god baby you’re doing so well, so pretty for me” he says softly, continuing the soothing movements until Robby relaxes into the new sensation. His stomach flips because it’s finally time for the main event, at least for him, the part he’s most excited for.

“Alright kitten you ready to dance for me?” he murmurs softly and Robby freezes, a soft “What?” falling from his perfect lips. “I want you to dance for me baby, you can do that for me right?” Robby looks nervous but there’s a bit of longing there as well as he twines their hands together and drags him to the end of his bed.

“I can’t s-strip, I don’t have any clothes on?” Robby murmurs shyly, his glassy green eyes wide and unfocused as he pushes his body closer. He makes sure to give Robby all the attention he’s seeking, running his hands over his body and through his soft hair “Oh baby you don’t have to strip, just dance for me.”

He lets Robby snuggle for a moment before turning the plug up to the third of ten levels as Robby moans throatily in response “I think you better get started kitten,” he adds teasingly, slapping Robby’s ass over the red silk when he stands up and making him moan again.

At first Robby’s movements are sensual, swaying his hips and biting his lip at the way the movements cause his plug to shift erratically. “Closer kitten,” he orders, grabbing Robby’s collar when he can reach and dragging him closer so he’s between his thighs.

For a while they stay like that, Robby swaying his hips while he rubs his nipples and stomach and even strokes his hands over the tent in his lacy red panties and down the back to cup Robby’s ass as he shifts the vibrations to the fifth level. Robby sobs at the stimulation but continues rolling his hips even as tears slide down his cheeks.

“Oh baby you’re so pretty, so fucking perfect for me kitten” he moans, keeping two fingers hooked through the metal ring of his subs collar so when Robby rolls his hips their hard cocks are rubbing together through their underwear.

“Miggy,” Robby sobs, his head falling forward to rest on his shoulder as he turns up the plug again to level seven and he can practically imagine how his eyes have rolled back in his head in pleasure. Robby’s always had a sassy side but it still surprises him when he turns around so his back is to Miguel’s chest and starts rubbing his ass over his crotch.

“Holy shit,” he moans when he can feel the vibrations from the base of Robby’s plug against his own erection. He’s so hard it hurts and he has no idea how Robby is handling this at all having not cum for days.

Finally he takes pity on his sub when Robby’s lapdance loses all form and he just starts grinding and rocking his hips, crying all the while. “Okay kitten take off your underwear and lay on your side on the bed” he instructs gently, helping Robby get in position when his limbs prove too shaky to support his weight.

“Color?” He asks softly “g-green” Robby whispers “I want to cum Miggy- just please be gentle.” He begs desperately “It’s okay baby I got you,” he coos in return “You’re so perfect for me.” He wipes softly at Robby’s soaked cheeks, pressing light kisses to any skin he can reach, stroking and sucking until Robby is completely relaxed, his beautiful eyes are screwed shut as he rubs soothing circles into his boyfriend's stomach.

He has his hips pressed flush against Robby’s ass as he hums at the diluted vibrations he can feel from the base of the plug. “Thank you for telling me your limits kitten, you’re so perfect for me.” He murmurs, reaching a hand with more of the tingling lube to grip Robby’s rock hard shaft and pump him twice, running his thumb over the leaking slit as he sobs in pleasure.

Finally he reaches down between Robby’s slick cheeks where some of the lube has leaked out around his plug. He doesn’t even bother turning the vibrations off, instead he places a hand on Robby’s sweaty hard stomach and slowly pulls the plug out of him- causing him to sob so hard he’s barely breathing.

“Breathe my love,” he murmurs as the plug finally slides out. “Feel so empty Miggy- hurts” he manages around a fresh round of tears that make his heart ache “Oh baby I’ll look out for you, won’t let you be empty.” He coos softly, sliding his length between Robby’s slick cheeks where the lube is leaking out of his gaping hole and letting the tip catch briefly on his rim before thrusting into Robby’s heat in one movement.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat that is halfway between a moan and a growl and nothing has ever felt this good before- shit he missed being in Robby. “Hey I got you Robby- I got you,” he murmurs thickly as he thrusts gently into him from behind, his arms wrapped around his subs stomach and tweaking his nipples and stroking his hair and sliding over his flawless skin, murmuring sweet nothings until Robby moans loudly and cums untouched, spilling an obscene amount of cum onto the sheets as he thrusts a few more times into Robby’s spasming body before coming in him with a loud moan.

Robby looks pretty blissed out, like he’s a thousand miles away and he’s glad that he stays hard for a while after he cums because the hazy feeling of his orgasm is even better when he’s still buried in Robby’s warm pliant body.

“You’re so perfect kitten, so good for me you did everything right. God you feel so good around me, got such beautiful eyes mi amor.” He’s not sure if Robby can hear him, or if he’s listening but he knows how important aftercare is and this can help Robby come back from wherever he goes after sex “You’re perfect baby, I love you so much- more than you can ever know.”

He’s still really out of it and he’s still crying which is a little less normal, usually he mellows out after a scene but there are tears shimmering on his face in the dim light. “Are you alright mi amor, did I do something wrong?” He asks cautiously, stroking his fingers over Robby’s flushed cheeks and wiping away the tears.

“Are you dropping?” he asks slowly, cautiously. He’s read all about subdrop and it worries him a little with Robby’s mental health history but it’s important to him to address it if that’s the problem. Either that or he did something to hurt Robby which- he doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Baby?” he asks softly and he can hear his own fear bleed into his voice as Robby reaches out to lace their fingers together on his stomach, he’s shaking slightly but it’s not too bad- “I’m okay,” he murmurs “You didn’t do anything wrong Miggy and the scene was perfect- you’re perfect.” Robby forces out around another round of tears.

“Robby-” he starts but his boyfriend interrupts him with a searing kiss and a soft, barely audible “I don’t deserve you.” He’s frozen for a moment in surprise at the absolute despair in Robby’s tone “You deserve the world,” he replies instantly “you deserve everything Robby- God I love you so much.”

His arms are wrapped around Robby’s torso as he tries to maximize the amount of skin on skin contact between them “Please say it again,” Robby begs, pressing his ass back and curling up smaller. He sounds small like this too and he thinks it’s not so bad, or at least it could be a lot worse. The scene was intense for him so it’s no surprise Robby is feeling vulnerable.

“I love you,” he responds. “I love you more than anything in the entire world, I love everything about you and I’m so grateful I have you in my life.” He whispers continuously “I love you, I love you, I love you…” He repeats the words, pressing kisses all along Robby’s skin until he’s asleep.

Notes:

Guys guess where I went today? I went to Golf N’ Stuff, like the actual one where they filmed the karate kid (and they use the sign in Cobra Kai, even if they technically filmed it somewhere else this is where the characters are supposed to be in canon and I was freaking out.)

Unfortunately I didn’t win, I was first place out of four for the first half of the game and I came in second to last overall. I’m still proud of myself though because I played really well compared to how I usually do and I mostly lost because my ball kept going around the rim and not going in even when my aim was right 🥲

Chapter 38: I always look the other way

“Demetri invited us to hang out again today, specifically asked if you’d be there,” he informs Robby who is currently sprawled across his chest looking at pictures of baby animals quietly. He stiffens somewhat at the suggestion and hums noncommittally in response- he’s been really fucking quiet all morning, barely said two words but he doesn’t look unhappy.

Or at least he didn’t before that suggestion. “Baby?” he questions, sliding a hand through Robby’s silk soft hair as his boyfriend seems to snap out of whatever daze he’s in “I’d rather not if I’m being honest,” he murmurs softly- cowering back against the headboard as he shuffles restlessly, his hands are fisted in the sheets.

It’s not necessarily unusual for him, even on the meds he has bad days but this is a little different than what he’s seen before. It’s not as big as before, not as loud, not as noticeable and maybe that’s what the meds do- make it tolerable.

Or maybe Robby is just exhausted and emotional from the scene and he’s reading too much into things, still he can’t help worrying. “Do you want to order breakfast? We don’t have to check out until 11:00 so we have three more hours,” Robby looks at him with half open eyes and confusion clear on his face as he processes the question. “No,” he finally says “no I’m not really hungry.”

The sentence leaves a bad taste in his mouth but he just nods and smiles “Are you okay Robby?” he finally asks, rolling over to face his boy again. “Yeah,” he whispers but his voice doesn’t sound right. “I’m fine” he says, slightly louder like he’s trying to be convincing.

“Hey what’s going on?” he asks softly and Robby screws his eyes shut, swallowing heavily. “I took my meds,” he insists immediately and his eyes are finally open wider- pleading almost “I swear” he’s surprised by the sudden urgency and slight unsteadiness in Robby’s voice as he peers pleadingly at him from under thick eyelashes. “I believe you sweetheart,” he replies confusedly, sweeping a lock of hair back from his eyes “I just don’t feel very good-” he finally chokes out.

“What can I do?” he asks quickly, trying to keep his voice steady for Robby’s sake. “I d-don’t know what’s wrong with me?” he says desperately and finally his voice breaks, tears spilling down his cheeks.

He’s surprised by the severity of the action, not because it’s unusual to see him cry but because he looks confused and maybe a little scared. “Hey you’re okay baby, do you think you have a temperature?” Robby nods a bit and wipes a hand over eyes. “Y-yeah that must be it,” he replies shakily.

“You should probably take me back to my dad's before you go out,” he kind of has to do a double take to process the sudden change in his behavior. “What?” he asks confusedly “I don’t want you to be alone,” he tries but Robby just gives him a half smile like that can hide the fact that he’s still shaking. “Don’t want you to miss your plans because of me!” he says almost cheerily, climbing out of his bed and trying not to wince at the cold floors on his bare feet.

By the time he’s wrapped his head around the sudden change Robby is bundled up in a pair of his pajama pants and an oversized hoodie that easily covers his shaking hands. It happens a bit too quickly to process but they’re checked out a few hours early and Robby is staring out the window with his headphones on until he passes out with his face against the glass.

It’s not until he’s back to the apartment that he tries to wake Robby up, a hand on his cheek and his boyfriend jerking awake panting. “Are you okay?” he asks quickly and Robby just blinks heavily and nods “Yeah, I’m fine” he says quickly- kissing his cheek and jumping out of the car with his bag in hand, disappearing into Johnny's apartment.

It’s not until after he’s inside that he realizes Robby’s skin was cool to the touch.

Notes:

Another chapter!!! I still haven’t finished my college au one shot but I think it’s really cute so I hope you all enjoy it when I finally find time to finish it.

Chapter 39: I'm blind, I'm blind

It’s been a week and the thought of Robby’s cool skin fills his mind, at first he’d passed it off as one of Robby’s things, him wanting space and not knowing how to ask for it or maybe having a headache and not wanting to bother anyone (it is still hard to convince him he’s not a burden sometimes and usually the only reason he ‘punishes’ Robby is for self deprecating comments, he uses it as a way to show Robby how beautiful taking care of him should be, to tell him how much he deserves love when he’s in a mindset that will let him believe it.)

He’s even considered the fact that the scene could have been triggering for Robby considering his reaction but that doesn’t feel right either, so he’s basically back to square one. And if that was the only thing he’d be more willing to overlook it- but Robby’s been acting differently since then and he doesn’t know why.

Maybe he’s getting in his head again or maybe he’s pushing too much, going too fast and Robby’s just tired of being around him constantly which would’ve made sense all things considered and has him feeling so nauseous and insecure that he hasn’t addressed it yet. Still, it’s been five days and Robby’s been avoiding him and he knows from experience that he can’t just ignore it.

Deep down he doesn’t want to, knows this isn’t about Robby not wanting to be around him but maybe it’s easier to believe that since he doesn’t have a clue what else could possibly be going on. When he has seen Robby he doesn’t seem depressed, he’s showered and dressed and even has his hair styled, but that’s when he sees him which suddenly isn’t that often.

He’s still wracking his mind for any possible explanation when he hears the phone ring, he lunges across the bed to grab it from his desk, nearly falls on his face on the floor and then snatches his phone and picks up without checking the caller ID.

“Hey Miguel, do you know where Robby is?” Johnny asks casually but the question freezes his blood, what if he’d put this off too long already, what if something bad happened “Miguel are you there?” Sensei says unnecessarily loudly “fuck this I’m hanging up-”

“No! I’m here don’t hang up” he blurts out quickly, scrambling to set the phone on speaker so he could continue holding the sketchbook Robby left here a few days ago. Normally being away from it for more than a few minutes would be upsetting to him- even if he wasn’t planning on drawing but now it's been practically gathering dust for the last five days.

It’s not the only sketchbook, Robby must have dozens shoved in various nooks in his bedroom and he’s still never really seen any of his boyfriends drawings. He doesn’t want to look at them, knows it’s private but part of him thinks there must be a letter tucked between the pages with a note saying where Robby is or what’s been going on or something.

“So is Robby with you?” Johnny repeats and he has to choke down tears “No I haven’t seen him since yesterday,” he replies breathlessly, fiddling with one of the rings Robby left on his nightstand. “Shit do you know where he might be? I don’t normally worry too much but he left his phone here.”

The information makes his blood run cold and he spends the rest of the phone call reassuring Johnny while he imagines worst possible scenarios privately. The second he hangs up he’s practically running to his moms car, quick to drive to every place he’s ever heard Robby talk about, every place they had gone together and even places he’s heard about from Sam or Mr. LaRusso.

By 1:00 a.m. it’s two hours past his curfew and he has no choice but to head home alone with tears in his eyes and not enough air in his chest, after a huge fight with his mom that ended with him finally losing his temper and saying a lot of true things that still had her upset enough to slam her bedroom door and leave him alone crying in the kitchen.

He’d like to be able to say he stayed up all night in case there was news of Robby but he’s been stressed all week and sleeping badly as a result. By the time he pulls his shirt off and collapses into bed the only thing he manages to do is turn on his ringer on and bury his wet face in his pillowcase before he’s asleep.

Notes:

Only thirteen chapters left 😭

I’m so sad because I’m so attached to this story and all the people who have commented on it but hopefully everyone will also enjoy the next long fic I post. I have my pirate au (14 chapters) and another surprise project (5-6 chapters) both of which I’m almost done with and some other ideas that aren’t as far along but I’m still excited about with of course some more one shots posted randomly.

And speaking of oneshots I published a new one yesterday for those of you who want to read, it’s so fluffy I’m proud of myself and I worked really hard on the characterization and world building. So if you need some sweet Kiaz after this chapter it’s there waiting for you!

Chapter 40: In your eyes

He wakes up to an odd scratching noise and rolls over, ignoring the way his pillowcase is stuck to his cheek with dried tears when the heavy weight returns to his stomach before the memories.

The second he realizes why he feels so sick he’s shooting up out of bed, horrified that he’d fallen asleep but there’s a little yelp from the corner of the room and Robby’s frustrated voice. “Damn it Miggy, you scared me!” he mutters, tucking his legs back up under him and adjusting the sketchpad on his lap “Now I’m going to have to erase that line and fix the shading-” He just throws himself at Robby who is curled up in his desk chair next to the bed “Oh hi,” he giggles awkwardly, shifting the sketchbook to accommodate him as he shoves his face into Robby’s neck.

He’s here and he’s breathing and he’s alive and apparently unharmed. “Where were you?” he forces out around a sob, fingers digging into Robby’s strong shoulders in a way that makes him wince slightly. “Oh um- I was at Tory’s” Robby admits quietly, glancing down at his hands and tugging nervously on his sleeves.

He doesn’t even have time to be jealous about Robby and Tory because all he can feel is relief “Fuck baby I was so worried-” he mutters into Robby’s hair, pressing kisses against the soft strands as more hot tears escape his eyes and contribute to the sticky mess on his face “Why the hell din’t you have your phone?” he demands, voice pitching into a deeper more angry tone he’s not sure he’s ever used with Robby before.

At least not since they’ve been dating, they mostly get along really well and other than a few issues (which he’s learning is normal and good and does not mean their relationship is falling apart) but this is the first time he’s been genuinely mad at him. He’d been annoyed and a little upset when Robby punched the shower wall but this is so much worse-

“I had my phone,” Robby says confusedly “No you didn’t- your dad kept calling you, I kept calling you but it was ringing in your room. Why are you lying?” he snarls and he can see Robby flinch and he tries to pretend that it makes him feel satisfied because he deserves some of the same pain he felt not knowing where his boyfriend was, really it just makes him feel nauseous.

“I-I’m not lying Miggy, I thought I had my phone” he says softly, rubbing harder at his wrists as the sketchbook falls to rest listlessly in his lap. “Shouldn’t be that hard to keep track of right? You take your phone everywhere except when you’re with Tory apparently,” he kind of expects Robby to yell back at him, blow off some steam in return but all he does is cower away from him when he tries to tighten his grip on his boyfriend's biceps.

“Please don’t-” his voice breaks and he tries to pull his arms away but he doesn’t let go, the anger draining out of him and leaving raw aching concern. He tightens his grip even more, just for a second as he’s about to pull Robby into an embrace, already prepared to apologize for the irrational behavior and explain why he’d reacted that way.

Instead he’s shocked when Robby whines and continues trying to squirm away, his eyes huge and terrified in a way that makes his stomach churn. “R-red,” Robby murmurs desperately “Stop please I-” it’s the last response he ever would have expected and he’s instantly pulling away from him, hands at his sides as he tries to even begin to wrap his head around this development.

“Hey I’m not going to- Robby look at me sweetheart,” he begs quietly, kneeling in front of his terrified boyfriend and taking in the glazed eyes and unguarded expression he’s only fully seen in Robby during a scene “I’m not going to hurt you, I swear- just tell me when you feel good enough to let me touch again baby, I won’t before that.” He is stumbling slightly over the words, trying to reassure Robby and keep himself from crying.

For a few minutes all he can do is sit there as Robby cries and shakes, clawing at his sweatpant clad legs. “Please don’t do that,” he begs, despite knowing Robby isn’t hurting himself “Just c’mere baby- please” and Robby obeys, curling up on his lap and crying against his shoulder.

He’s never heard anyone apologize so much and he’s not even sure what it is Robby is apologizing for but he just soothes him with gentle touches until he’s calmed down enough to really talk.

“That wasn’t a scene Robby?” He finally mutters softly “I would never put you in a position like that without telling you and discussing things first.” He says and he hopes so much that Robby knows that, that he has the situation wrong “I know,” his boyfriend murmurs “s’ just your voice I don’t even-”

“Robby mi amor breathe,” he says softly “what’s wrong with my voice?” he asks confusedly as Robby shakes his head. “That’s just how Jason used to talk to me during a scene, I don’t know I just thought- I don’t know” he repeats “I’m sorry I know you wouldn’t do that but it reminded me of before and it used to hurt so badly and he was so mean and I just felt humiliated and disgusting all the time, there weren’t even good parts but it was still better than nothing- better than being alone.”

He blinks back tears and kisses Robby’s forehead “You know I don’t care what anyone has told you, you’re not beautiful when you’re in pain okay? You should be happy.” Robby sniffles and nods against his shoulder “I really want that-” he whispers like it’s a secret, like everyone in the world isn’t trying to find just that.

“You make me happy,” he informs Miguel shyly “but it still hurts.” He nods because he does know that and continues pressing gentle kisses to Robby’s face until he’s calmed down enough to fall asleep and then helps him get into the twin bed. Surprisingly he leaves his shirt on but he’s too tired to dwell on it, grabbing Robby’s hands and drawing him in against his chest and promising not to yell at him, promising he’ll be okay. He tries to believe it and he hopes Robby will too.

Notes:

Okay there’s only twelve more chapters left and I’m starting to dread it, this story is the longest thing I’ve ever written (by a lot) and I’m so proud of it. I so don’t want to be done posting it and I’ll miss hearing from everyone every chapter as your comments have inspired me to continue editing and posting even with all the craziness in my life 😢

Chapter 41: You lie, but I don't let it define you (hey)

It’s morning and he’s surprised to find the bed empty next to him, for a moment he feels certain last night was a dream and he’ll wake up to dozens of calls from Johnny telling him something was wrong. But then he hears the water running in the bathroom and he knows Yaya has bingo this morning and his mom has a shift so he breathes out a sigh of relief.

Still he needs to see him with his own eyes, know he’s alright. Luckily the bathroom door isn’t locked but when he opens it he’s shocked by what he sees, Robby has his shirt off and a bloody wad of toilet paper pressed to his forearm. “Fuck Robby are you okay?” he asks quickly, crossing the tiny space to grab Robby’s arm before he can even protest.

“I’m fine Miggy!” he says loudly, pulling his arm back but it’s too late, he’s already seen. It’s this moment of feeling completely unmoored as Robby flushes and covers the red cuts on his left wrist with his other hand.

Carefully through a daze he reaches for Robby’s hand and slowly turns it over so he’s cradling his bleeding wrist against his chest and gently kissing the palm of Robby’s hand as he stares embarrassedly at the floor. There are five cuts on his wrist, thin and clearly a few days old, parts of them have scabbed over but a lot of the other areas have been torn open by Robby’s blunt nails.

“I’m sorry,” Robby finally chokes out “I wanted to tell you I swear- I just couldn’t handle it if you were angry,” he whispers brokenly, eyes huge and pleading. He sighs softly and leans in to press a kiss against Robby’s quivering mouth. “I’m not angry, of course I’m not angry mi amor- I’m just so sorry I ever did anything to make you feel like I would be.”

Robby looks a bit surprised and confused “B-but you punished me, in Mexico for h-hitting the wall,” he murmurs and he can feel his stomach clench. The difference had been so clear to him but of course it wouldn’t be to Robby. “I only punished you because you did it out of anger, kitten,” he coos softly, the familiar nickname falling easily from his lips as Robby melts against his chest.

It might be something he says a lot during sex but that has more to do with the fact that it’s the most personal of his nicknames for Robby and it creates a sense of intimacy for both of them than any sort of kink. “I’d never punish you for hurting, and you never have to go along with a punishment you don’t want,” he nods “I know, I trust you, I wouldn’t be here if I didn't. I guess old habits just die hard.” He nods at that, relief something almost warm in his stomach.

It’s important to know Robby’s being honest so they can continue that part of their relationship but that doesn’t change the lines on his wrist- fuck he’s seventeen he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing and that’s not surprising or anything Robby kind of always reminds him of that. Even after everything they’ve been through they’re still just kids fighting in a war that isn’t really theirs and trying to minimize the damage but god- Robby has been fighting so much longer than he could imagine against things so much worse than anything he’s gone through.

He just feels so young and helpless, he loves him but he doesn’t know what to do. Should he make a huge deal of this because it is or ask why or just tell Robby everything will be okay even when it’s a fucking lie.

Nothing about this is okay or could ever be okay, it just- he has to keep it together for Robby. “Alright baby let’s just- we can head over to your house and talk about this when we’re both a bit less emotional okay?” Robby nods wordlessly and buries his face in his chest, fingers dug into his ribs as he breathes too heavily.

Robby falls asleep before they get the chance, curled under the comforter they’d gone shopping for less than two weeks ago as he runs his fingers through silky brown hair and presses kisses to Robby’s skin like it can stop him from feeling the tears landing on his face.

Maybe he should wake him up and talk but he doesn’t know what to say- he doesn’t know how he can help or even if he can so he lets Robby sleep and tries to remember what it felt like to be in control.

Notes:

Alright happy Mother’s Day to anyone who’s a mom, I’ll still try to get the a/b/o Mother’s Day oneshot up today but I’m not sure how it’ll go considering my terrible time management. Either way I hope everyone enjoys this.

Chapter 42: Oh, define you

“Hey I thought you and Robby were going to hang out?” Johnny asks casually as he resurfaces from his boyfriend's room only minutes after arriving “Oh yeah he’s sleeping, guess he and Tory were up late.” Johnny raises an eyebrow “He scared the shit out of me last night,” and takes a large sip of coffee as he’s apparently decided a caffeine addiction is better than an alcohol addiction “must have really freaked you out as well, I was glad he went over for breakfast this morning.”

He’s not sure if Johnny is trying to meddle or if he’s just being clueless but he’s more confused about the breakfast comment “He didn’t come over for breakfast this morning, he came over after you guys ate dinner last night.” For a second Johnny just looks confused “We didn’t have dinner, he got back really late and said he was going to bed I mean- I don’t think he really likes my cooking anyway.”

He can’t say he’s surprised because Senseis cooking is kind of awful but he’s made an effort since Robby moved in and he knows at the very least he can make three things Robby likes along with more basic things like chicken nuggets, frozen pizza, and canned soup- so he’s not good but it’s not like he couldn’t feed Robby and his boyfriend’s not picky anyway.

“I’m sure he doesn’t mind it all that much Sensei, he eats over here plenty-” he’s surprised and a bit confused when Johnny snorts “Yeah I know he prefers your moms cooking but you don’t have to rub it in.” For a second he’s just really confused as to whether or not Johnny’s kidding but he still seems serious and a little sad. “Well my mom has a bit more experience, you’ll learn- she’d probably even teach you a few things if you asked,” he says and Johnny perks up instantly but his mouth just tastes sour.

If Robby isn’t eating at his house and he isn’t eating at Johnny’s he’s probably not eating very much at all. Groaning to himself he grabs a bag of bread and some cheese to make Robby a sandwich. He throws some butter in the pan and waits for the cheese to melt before adding some leftover bacon he finds in the fridge and throwing it onto a plate with some apple slices.

Quietly he slips into Robby’s room and places the plate on his nightstand “Hey baby I made you lunch,” he says softly, shaking his shoulder as Robby shuffles and ignores him. “C’mon sweetheart it’s hot!” he encourages, stroking his back gently.
“I’ll eat you out later if you do?” He promises and Robby finally pops up from under the covers “m’ not really hungry,” he mumbles before burying his face in the pillows and he grabs Robby’s hand, kissing each finger “for me my love?” he begs when Robby peeps up again.

“Fine,” he agrees, “but just because you made this for me and I feel bad.” Normally he’d tell Robby he has no reason to feel guilty but right now he’ll take what he can get and Robby choking down half of the bacon grilled cheese feels like a win in his book.

“Baby just tell me what’s going on please” he begs, rubbing Robby’s shoulders when he can’t even stomach the whole sandwich and places half of it down on the bed next to them. “I w-want to,” he murmurs, “but I don’t know.” He takes a deep breath and caresses Robby’s cheek as his boyfriend turns desperate green eyes toward him.

“Please just- I can’t right now,” Robby begs and sensing his distress he decides to just let his boyfriend rest in his arms for a minute without questioning him or trying to figure out what to do next. He feels like he’s floundering and the only thing he knows for sure is that Robby would be devastated if he told anyone and after everything that’s gone down with Daniel and Johnny he owes it to his boyfriend to just keep his mouth shut as long as he can.

Notes:

I’ve been so busy with my graduation coming up next week so I haven’t posted a ton but I do have so many plans! A 15 chapter fic and a 5 chapter one along with a bunch of oneshots so hopefully I’ll get more of those out once summer starts!

Chapter 43: In your eyes

“Miggy can you- god I don’t even know, sit up with me maybe I’m not feeling very good.” The sentence has him practically shooting up in bed from where he’d apparently dozed off earlier. Robby isn’t looking great either, pale and desperate and just overall really upset.

“I can’t sleep, I don’t know I haven’t been sleeping well for a while now but I guess I didn’t notice and-” He kisses Robby quickly to shut him up, hands cupping his cheeks “It’s okay,” he promises as soon as he pulls away “whatever is going on we’ll figure it out I mean it’s only been a couple weeks maybe you’re just not used to being back on your meds, it’s probably not that weird to be feeling a bit off.”

Robby nods frantically, not like he believes it but like he wants to and he sighs and drags his boyfriend onto his lap so Robby can bury his face in his neck like he always does when he’s upset, hand resting on his hip as he rubs little circles into his skin.

“I don’t think I’ve been doing well” Robby finally murmurs and he snorts wetly “I was getting that impression sweetheart,” he says calmly to try and make Robby feel better. He doesn’t feel calm, he feels panicked and shaky and like he’s failing the person he loves the most in the world.

Robby’s been hurting and he still is- he doesn’t know what he can do to help him. “I think we should tell your dad he’s worried and I’m-” he can’t even finish the sentence as Robby shakes his head “No I don’t need help, I can manage it alone-” his grip tightens on Robby’s hands as he tries to bite back the panic at how he presented this and how against it Robby suddenly is “But you’re not alone,” he pleads desperately.

“No!” Robby shouts pulling away from him with blazing green eyes and he’s actually a little surprised because it takes a lot to get Robby mad and he’s not sure what he did that got him there so fast. “You have no idea what you’re talking about, it’s not- fuck Miggy it’s like having your skin stripped off I mean everything hurts so much and I can’t eat and I’m too tired to get out of bed no matter how much I sleep and there’s nothing I can do to stop any of it- it’s not a place where you have the energy to take risks like that okay? You have to promise not to tell anyone.” His stomach flops uncomfortably but Robby is begging and tears are caught in his eyelashes and he just hates to see him like this.

“Fine if you really think that’s best-” Robby just nods sternly “I’m too vulnerable already okay I can’t be taking extra risks” his voice breaks on the second half of the sentence and if he wasn’t convinced before he is now.

“It’s okay kitten I’ve got you” he murmurs, drawing Robby back into his arms and this time he doesn’t protest, just collapses against his chest crying. “I’m sorry, so so sorry I never meant to yell at you I just fucking- I feel awful and I haven’t been able to sleep without you in weeks I’m just so tired.”

He has to take a deep breath to choke down his own tears as he tenderly strokes Robby’s hair “It’s alright sweetheart I understand I- it’s okay baby you’re okay I’ve got you” he soothes desperately as he tries to tighten his arms around Robby like that can keep him together.

“Can you just promise me you’ll wake me up or call me or w-whatever it is you need,” he whispers as his fingers gently brush away the tears that have wet his cheeks and Robby shyly wraps his arms around his waist, fingers pressing into his sides as he nods.

And okay, that’s a start- not a solution but a start and he can go from there. His meds are just a little off right now but he’ll adjust and things will be okay.

Notes:

I’m done with school! I passed all my finals and I’m so glad to be done. My graduation is tomorrow and so I wanted to update before then, I hope you’re all having an amazing time and that you enjoy the new chapter.

Chapter 44: I see there's something burning inside you

He feels like an idiot for agreeing to Robby’s terms but they’d been through it before in Mexico and he thought he could help him with whatever darkness his mind was forcing on him, a week maybe two according to Robby- it’s been about three now and nothing is getting better.

Robby still acts pretty normal around everyone else, he goes to training and if Demetri lands a hit on him everyone just looks on in surprise before forgetting at the next bit of drama. They’ve actually all been training even more than normal as they wait for Silver’s next move, it’s been months and with the exception of Cobra Kai’s looming presence in the valley there hasn’t been any karate drama. But it’s not like any of them are naive enough to believe that will last.

It’s just really fucking hard to watch, between his boyfriends lethargic movements, frequent breaks, and the time he finds him sobbing in the bathroom he’s never felt so helpless. The only reason he hasn’t forced Robby to tell people is that while he is in a shitty headspace he’s technically eating enough and he hasn’t been cutting again which is a victory he isn’t willing to overlook.

So he’s not like actively in danger-

But neither of them have been sleeping well and he’s anxious all the time, taking in every glimpse of Robby’s bare skin to ensure it remains unmarked- to be honest he’s been unbearably stressed between trying to force his friends to behave and making sure Robby gets a few hours of sleep a night (which is proving almost impossible with him unable to sleep alone.)

Most nights he cries himself to sleep as soon as Robby is unconscious.

He’s pretty sure he’s never been so exhausted in his life, not in the weeks after his accident, not leading up to the second tournament, not alone in Mexico, not trying to come to terms with his feelings for Robby, not even the first time this happened- He’s just so so tired.

It’s a Friday morning when his alarm goes off and he’s already feeling like he ought to be climbing into bed and not out of it, even when they both end up in bed together (usually the early hours of morning) the depression always has Robby feeling more insecure and causes a huge increase in nightmares.

He’d crawled into bed at three in the morning only to wake up screaming an hour later, in the end he got around four hours of sleep while Robby barely got half that.

He looks exhausted even asleep but the second blare of the alarm has his expression crumpling as he rolls over to bury his face in Miguel's chest, the quiet sniffling breaks his heart and without giving it a second thought he turns the alarm off.

He can hear Robby trying to regain control of his breathing as he sits up shakily, he’s pale with dark shadows under his eyes and goosebumps on his arms. “Hey,” he starts softly, placing a hand on Robby’s pec “lay down darling boy” he coos softly, pushing Robby back into the bed and laying down with his head over his boyfriend's heart as Robby lets out a shaky breath.

“Miggy we have training in an hour,” he whispers like he can hardly handle even that slight disagreement or confrontation. “Go to sleep mi amor, we can miss a day of training.” Robby nods and wraps him up in an embrace, in another situation he’d be turned on by Robby’s firm body underneath him and his boyfriends strong arms wrapped around his waist but right now they’re both too tired to even think about it.

“Thank you,” Robby whispers against his hair and his heart is broken. He thinks how grateful he is that Robby’s eyes are closed when the tears in his eyes spill over, Robby wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt so he doesn’t say anything, just takes deep breaths and listens to his heartbeat and tries to fall back asleep.

When he does he dreams of Mexico and sleeping curled around Robby in a crappy motel room while rain pours down from the sky, Robby with little porcupine braids sticking up all over his head, Robby speaking Spanish, Robby moaning underneath him as the moonlight falls across his body, Robby smiling and laughing and happy.

It’s a good dream but right now that’s all it is.

Notes:

I’m sorry for having so many short chapters in a row but the length and plot will pick up again really soon for the final bit of this fic I promise. Hopefully you all still enjoy the mini chapters 💛

Chapter 45: Oh, inside you

Notes:

Happy Pride to all my LGBTQ+ readers, your identities are beautiful and you’ve made it through another year so congratulations!

If he’d been worried before he was terrified now, it’s been another week and nothing has changed, or at least nothing has gotten better. Robby has been training and eating less too, shrugging off people’s concern with a barely there smile as he makes up some lie about having to fill in for a friend at work.

He knows Demetri is suspicious and if nothing else Hawk is worried about him- but all he wants is for someone to notice that Robby’s not just being a bit odd, that he’s suffering because he wants to get him actual help but he promised and he knows the damage of going back on that would be worse than anything else, already Robby’s trust is so fragile.

Of course no one does notice anything, too focused on Cobra Kai’s ever growing presence in the valley to pay any attention to the fact that Robby’s getting three hours of sleep a night and one meal a day- he’s breaking and no one else fucking sees it.

Honestly that’s probably why he snaps at Daniel for correcting Robby’s posture for the eighth time with an annoyed comment about how he normally catches on quicker, and to be fair he knows Daniel is stressed and doesn’t understand what’s going on with his star pupil but that hardly matters when he sees Robby’s stunning green eyes fill with tears as he glances at the ground for a moment before wiping his cheeks quietly and promising Daniel to do better.

Now he’s sat inside the dojo with Chozen looking ready to commit murder and Daniel and Johnny torn between confusion and anger, “What the fuck was that?” Johnny finally asks, breaking the tense silence and he just shrugs and tries to force down tears.

His chest feels heavy and every muscle in his body is sore and he’s so so tired-

“C’mon Miguel that’s not like you I don’t-” Daniel starts and he’s horrified to find that the man looks hurt, hands twisted together in front of his body in a clear sign of anxiety as he fiddles with his wedding ring. “I’m sorry Daniel,” he manages “I didn’t mean that I just-” there are so many ways to end that sentence “I was just upset at you for pushing Robby so hard.”

An explanation might not have been the best idea but it’s not the worst one either, still he’s surprised that even their clueless Senseis could be so unaware about someone they claim to care so much about. “Miguel all I said was for him to correct his posture, he was being sloppy-” he shakes his head and feels that familiar anger and protectiveness “You made him cry!” He cuts in painfully like his voice isn’t shaking.

Daniel looks shocked and a bit horrified as Johnny shoots him a withering look that has him feeling even more upset “Stop acting like you’re any better with the way you talk!” He hisses and he knows he’s being ridiculous but he’s mad and sleep deprived and more stressed than he’s ever been with Robby not even wanting to sleep at night because he’s so scared of being tormented by memories of Jason who talked to him so similarly to his dad.

“What?” Johnny asks confusedly as Daniel flinches “Robby was bullied by this older boy Jason in school,” Daniel informs Johnny quietly and it might not be the right story but it’s close enough. “You act like you care about him but you don’t even notice that he flinches everytime you say those words in front of him!” When Johnny’s expression crumples he feels sick but it doesn’t stop him from pulling away from them and grabbing his and Robby’s duffel bags off the ground, he’s not sure how long he owes it to Robby to keep quiet but he knows he won’t be able to if he stays here.

When he enters back into the garden everyone is staring but he ignores it, walking over to where Robby is sitting on a stone bench with Demetri stroking his sweat soaked hair back from his face, he’s concerningly pale and his hands are visibly shaking. “Shit baby are you okay-” he asks panicking as he drops to his knees and grabs his boyfriend's trembling hands, Robby makes a noncommittal humming noise and doesn’t open his eyes.

“What happened?” he asks Demetri frantically but he just shrugs “I don’t know he stood up to try and follow you inside and got dizzy it was-” “I think I was just overheated” Robby cuts in, clearly avoiding eye contact with him as Demetri shakes his head “You almost passed out, if you have heat stroke you should go to the-”

Robby looks nauseous all over again as he nods along with whatever facts are spewing out of his friend's mouth, “Dem I’m honestly alright I think I’m just going to head home a little early and see if I can get some rest before tomorrow.” He sighs at Robby’s stubbornness as he helps his boyfriend shakily to his feet, wrapping an arm securely around his waist as Robby groans and buries his face in Miguel’s neck, wobbling on his feet.

Robby is clearly still dizzy but his lack of complaint when they swing through the In-N-Out drive through on their way home is enough for him to keep his mouth shut, he eats an entire burger without protest and as pathetic as it feels that is just about the biggest victory he can imagine right now.

He doesn’t eat until they get back to the apartment and he’s really happy when Robby waits for him in the car, his head is still tilted back against the headrest in a clear show of exhaustion but at least there's some color to his cheeks now.

He’s still surprised when his boyfriend speaks up having half expected him to be asleep by now. “This was a shitty day huh?” he nods and offers Robby a fry which he hesitantly takes. “Super shitty” he agrees and they stay like that, slumped in their seats passing the cold fries back and forth, too defeated to even bother going inside.

Notes:

Okay it’s over 1,000 words but barely- still I promise it’ll pick up again. For those of you who are still here thank you for reading and hopefully commenting!

Chapter 46: You always try to hide the pain

Notes:

Warning for BDSM related scars because I wasn’t sure how to tag it

He knows it’s not a good thing when his phone rings in the middle of the night because Robby’s contact is the only one that isn’t muted at night, still he isn’t expecting Johnny’s voice, heavy and rough. “Miguel I think you need to come over,” he says and it might be the only thing that could cut through the exhausted haze he’s been living in as he jerks up from bed with an undignified noise “Robby h-he won’t tell me what’s going on but he’s really upset-” he doesn’t even let Johnny finish “I’m on my way,” he says quickly before throwing his phone down.

He doesn’t bother with shoes, just throws on some sweatpants and runs out of the apartment to Johnny’s. Honestly he’s not even sure if he closed the door but he knows he was loud enough to wake up his mom anyway so she can take care of it if he didn’t.

And he knows it’s bad if Johnny called but when he thinks bad he thinks panic attacks, screaming, throwing up but Robby is just sitting on the couch pale and shaking with tears down his cheeks. He’s curled around his stomach like he’s in pain and there are livid nail marks across his abs and thighs over the blotchy scars he’d assumed were from waxplay gone wrong. It makes a surge of hate spring up so strong he thinks that if he ever met Jason he’d kill him on the spot, but nothing about that is constructive to helping Robby so he takes a deep breath and walks over to kneel in front of his boyfriend.

“Robby darling can you hear me?” He questions softly, pitching his voice low and soothing like he does when they’re in the middle of a scene or honestly anytime Robby seems particularly upset. From what he knows about Jason he was a shitty abusive Dom in every possible way, ignoring all of Robby’s limits (even panic attacks) unless he safeworded and punishing him with icy silence and no aftercare if he ever needed to stop. He knows what Robby’s like in bed, knows his past and it’s not hard to imagine how easy he would be to manipulate now let alone at thirteen.

He’s tried to be the opposite of Jason in every way, soft and loving and gentle, he’s tried to encourage Robby to follow his boundaries and even rewarded him for doing so, and he’s challenged himself to come up with more pet names and little terms of endearment than Jason could’ve come up with insults because he’s heard a few of the things Robby was called by him and was horrified by them but he knows that what he’s been told is just the tip of the iceberg and what they do is the opposite in every conceivable way.

“Hey sweetheart you’re safe alright I won’t let anyone hurt you Robby, I’ll never let anyone hurt you,” he promises breathlessly as Robby makes a choked noise “It burns” he finally whispers and his voice is wrecked but his eyes look slightly more focused now. “I know it does baby but you’re safe okay I promise,” he coaxes gently as Robby’s shaking hands come down to his stomach in an effort to rub away the phantom sensations.

He’s crying harder and shifting the way he does when his ass is sore but he knows that’s not from him “Johnny can you get a rag and run it under some cold water please?” he asks quickly before turning back to his boyfriend and looking at his scared eyes. “It’s alright sweetie I’m right here-” he coos from his position kneeling on the floor, in the harsh artificial lighting he can see the blotchy scars and the deeper thin ones he assumes were made by a knife.

He can’t help feeling sick but he shoves it down and grabs the cold rag from Johnny who is watching anxiously. “Can I touch you darling?” He asks gently and Robby just sobs harder “Miggy it hurts so bad I can’t take it-” he grips the rag tighter and looks up at Robby’s tear soaked face and blotchy skin with the scratches running through it. “Listen kitten I know you’re scared but I have you okay, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you I promise.”

He can see Robby hesitating, eyes still glazed over and his whole body shaking “It burns,” he says again and it sounds so desperate “I can make it stop if you let me touch you,” he promises and finally Robby nods. It’s enough right now that regardless of what he’s seeing his boyfriend knows he’s here in some way.

“I’m going to help you mi amor” he promises, placing the cold rag over his toned stomach. Robby groans and pitches forward into his arms sobbing as he gently wipes the cold rag over the worst of the scarring on his abs and thighs as his boyfriend trembles against him. “I’m sorry,” Robby murmurs and he’s just grateful he’s coming out of whatever memory is playing in his head “You got nothing to be sorry for babe,” he repeats over and over again- carefully wiping at the aggravated skin.

The pain at least isn’t all in his head, Robby’s dull nails have irritated the delicate scar tissue and there’s blood on his skin. “I don’t want to see him again” Robby finally forces out and he freezes “Baby why would you see him?” he asks hesitantly but Robby just shrugs, no real reason then he’s just scared.

“We’re never going to see him again and if we did I’d protect you okay? No one is ever touching you again, not unless you want it.” Johnny is watching with a somewhat horrified expression and Robby’s still out of it and probably doesn’t know he’s here. If he wasn’t he’d probably be fingering Robby open right now to let the boy rest on his cock, which still feels weird considering Robby’s particular brand of trauma but he thinks the contrast between what they do and what was done to him lets him distance himself from it.

It’s just really hard to know what to do when those options aren’t there, but he can still show him that tenderness. Soft kisses pressed to his cheeks, temple, jaw, lips, neck, chest, arms, anywhere he can reach with sweet words to match. The effect isn’t as good as sex would be but Robby’s calming down slowly, breaths evening out as his eyes slowly focus back on the room they’re in.

“Kiddo, can I sit down?” Johnny finally asks softly and Robby nods but curls closer to him to make it clear he doesn’t want to be touched. He repositions his body between them so Robby is cradled against his chest in a position that will allow him to intercept Johnny if he tries to reach out but he hopes he knows better.

“You’re safe mi amor, I’ve got you.” He keeps murmuring reassurances and promises until he’s sure Robby’s asleep and he doesn’t remember closing his eyes but he must have because he wakes up curled on the couch with Robby and Johnny the next morning.

Needless to say they don’t go to training that day.

Notes:

Okay I still haven’t posted any oneshots because all of the ones I’ve been working on are now between 4,000-6,000 words which is much longer than my one shots usually are and so they’re taking longer than I expected.

Also since I’m out of school now and yet to find a job I am incredibly bored, typically I like free time but just having days of nothing has been really depressing and made me very unmotivated so I’m trying to get stuff done but it’s hard.

So here’s to hoping life will pick up soon (both activity wise and writing wise!)

Chapter 47: You always know just what to say

“Don’t you wanna eat something Robby, we’ve been training all day in the sun you must be hungry?” Sam asks and he can see his boyfriend tense before pasting another fake smile on his face “Nah I ate a really big breakfast this morning.” Sam accepts the explanation and he fights the urge to force feed Robby apple slices and just hands him a glacier freeze gatorade. Electrolytes are better than nothing, at least he’ll be hydrated.

They have a deal right now, Robby has to eat breakfast and dinner everyday if he doesn’t want other people to get involved, it’s not enough but he’d thought it would be better than just trying to make him eat as much as possible at random intervals. So far his fantasies of Robby eating two solid meals a day are less than true, he’d been so hopeful but instead he feels like he’s just given Robby an excuse to only eat a few bites of food twice a day. He’s scared and other people are starting to notice in little ways but it’s not enough.

Things haven’t been this bad before, he can feel Robby’s ribs under his abs, the ridges of his muscles deeper as he’s been burning through body fat. His katas are clumsy, less graceful although Daniel is at least being more gentle with him. Demetri however is the only person in the whole dojo who seems to realize something is wrong, he’s been on Robby for days and is still harassing him when they get to the pizza place after a long day of training.

It’s not unbearably hot, at least not for California, but it’s still too hot to be wearing a hoodie like Robby is, he can barely force down the tears and he thinks the exhaustion is working in his favor because he’s honestly too tired to cry anymore.

Demetri is holding up the conversation pretty easily by himself but he can tell that he hasn’t overlooked Robby’s drooping eyelids or hollow cheeks by the way he shoves a plate of pizza at him. He doesn’t miss the way his boyfriends eyes drop to his plate as Robby’s calloused fingers tighten around his.

“Oh I’m fine Dem-” He sees his friend raise an eyebrow “You didn’t eat anything all day so you better not be about to tell me you’re not hungry.”

Robby freezes but quickly pastes a smile back on his face “No I was just going to say that I forgot my wallet,” he amends quickly and he’s about three seconds away from throwing cash down on the table and shamelessly taking advantage of the other people in the room to force Robby to eat when Johnny comes up behind them and gently squeezes Robby’s shoulders while assuring his son that he’s got the meal covered.

He could hug Sensei right now if he weren’t sitting on the inside of the booth, instead he wraps his arms around Robby’s slim waist and presses a soft kiss to his cheek before settling his boyfriend against his side. Sliding a hand under the tight white muscle shirt, the one that’s been showing off Robby’s hard nipples every time he and Sam practice the wheel technique and making him want to grope and suck at Robby’s hard chest which he unfortunately doesn’t think will go over well right now.

Instead he just keeps rubbing his hips and stomach, enjoying the silky feeling of the nylon and knowing how much Robby loves the way the shirt rubs against his skin. He can certainly see why his boyfriend enjoys it, being as sensitive as he is, the fabric is nice even to Miguel.

He hopes the silky smooth feeling along with the soft heaviness of his Dodgers hoodie will distract Robby from whatever his issue with food is, and whether it’s just a lack of appetite or something more serious he doesn’t know but he hopes it’s the first- thinks it is too, but if there’s anything the last few weeks with Robby have taught him it’s that he doesn’t really understand anything about this (Robby barely does himself.)

Still he’s so hopeful when Robby eats two slices of pizza and he can feel a relieved giddy smile on his face for the next thirty minutes as they all pile into the tiny arcade room. It’s such a relief that he doesn’t even care if he’s spent twenty dollars on the claw machine to try and win a crappy stuffed manatee that probably only cost ten cents to make.

When he finally gets it to drop into the slot he cheers in victory as Eli snorts and teases him, having occupied himself by watching Miguel’s failed attempts for the last thirty minutes he seems disappointed that his entertainment is gone but honestly he couldn’t be less concerned about his friend. He just can’t wait another second to show Robby the little stuffed toy, his boyfriend is gonna love it and right now he’d do just about anything to see that lovely smile.

But when he turns around to brandish the prize Robby is no longer sitting by the older arcade games with Demetri but the black haired boy is still nerding out over them and Eli seems to have migrated over there as well. “Um Dem where’s Robby?” he asks quickly and his friend blinks and looks around surprised. “Oh he must have gone to get more food or something.”

Nodding he quickly turns and walks back to the table to see if his boyfriend went back over there to sit down but the only people at the table are Daniel and Johnny who are watching him scan the room frantically with confused expressions.

“Everything okay Miguel?” Daniel asks carefully, he’s been cautious around Miguel ever since he snapped at the man and it makes his stomach churn uncomfortably but he doesn’t have the time to focus on that right now.

“I lost track of Robby and I thought he might’ve come back in here but if he didn’t then I’ll go look somewhere else…” he trails off awkwardly but now both Senseis have a concerned expression that probably matches him as they get to their feet to help him look.

After checking the other tables, arcade, and parking lot he heads to the boys bathroom with Johnny and Daniel on his heels. There’s one locked stall and he hesitantly raps his knuckles against it “Um Robby, are you in there?” He’s a little anxious it will be some stranger but he hears some shuffling and the lock slides open.

Robby’s face is as pale as the ceramic toilet bowl he’s leaning against and his eyes are heavily lidded making him look almost high. He’s curled on the filthy ground and his favorite Dodgers hoodie is discarded haphazardly, it looks like Robby pulled it off quickly but he wasn’t fast enough to save his favorite white athletic shirt which has vomit all down the front.

“Oh baby- I’m here sweetheart I’ve got you,” he carefully sinks to his knees and wraps his arms around Robby’s trembling frame, cooing softly as a few tears slide down his flushed cheeks. He looks awful, not just because he just threw up awful but like he’s actually sick.

“Shit Robby-” Johnny chokes out and he turns around to see that both he and Daniel are looking on in concern as Robby’s head lols awkwardly on his shoulder. “Oh my god are you okay Robby?” Daniel asks frantically as his boyfriend whimpers again, there’s drool running down his chin and he quickly grabs a wad of toilet paper and wipes at the mess on Robby’s face and shirt.

“I’ll round everyone up and get ready to go you- take care of him Johnny” Daniel offers quickly, running a hand through Robby’s hair before slipping out of the room. Meanwhile Johnny grabs some wet paper towels and kneels down next to them in the stall, wrapping his arms around Robby and lifting him easily.

He can’t help being grateful for it when he struggles to stand up against the pain in his back, it takes him a minute and he appreciates that Johnny is too distracted to notice or help him. By the time he’s back on his feet he makes a point of flushing the toilet and staggering quickly over to the sink where Johnny is watching concernedly as Robby splashes water on face.

“Here baby let me help you get cleaned up we can meet your dad in the car in a second,” he offers and Johnny nods and brushes Robby’s sweaty hair away from his eyes, kissing his forehead and saying something he can’t hear before leaving them alone in the black and white tiled bathroom. The second the door closes Robby wobbles on his feet, arms braced against the sink as he carefully comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his boyfriend's stomach.

“Can you help me take my shirt off, my shoulder is really stiff?” Robby begs tearfully and he sighs and nods, kissing said shoulder a few times before helping pry the tight stained fabric off of him. Robby winces at raising his arms and he doesn’t even know when that happened but it makes him feel even worse as he throws the ruined shirt in the trash before wrapping Robby up carefully in the thankfully clean hoodie and helping him to the car.

They curl up together on the ride back to the apartment complex and Robby’s fingers are tangled in his hoodie “I ate too much,” Robby finally whispers and he just shakes his head and tightens his grip “Baby you hardly ate anything,” he murmurs and Robby flinches and curls up against him.

“I’m scared,” Robby finally murmurs and he laces their fingers together “I’m scared too,” he finally admits as his boyfriend closes his eyes and curls against his chest.

He’ll give it another couple days and if things don’t start getting better he’s telling Johnny and Daniel.
He doesn’t want to betray Robby’s trust but things aren’t getting better and he’s desperate. The way things are going right now he’s going to lose Robby either way, and he’d rather he come out of it as unharmed as possible- even if it means losing him.

Notes:

Leave me comments you guys! I’m getting sad about the end of this fic and comments will cheer me up 😂

Chapter 48: I always look the other way

Notes:

I’m sorry…

It’s been a long fucking day, Johnny had dropped Robby off at the rehab center before training to spend the day with his mom for the first time in months and he’s felt ridiculously lonely ever since. It might be stupid but they’re together almost constantly and without Robby by his side the anxiety is worse than before, he’s nervous and so fucking tired he dozes off twice during Daniel’s meditation only to jerk awake with a renewed sense of panic.

It’s a part of himself he’s never liked, the insecurity that he knows he and Robby both feel. It’s just that he doesn’t really have to deal with it when they’re together and he can see how much Robby needs him with every touch.

But maybe that’s the problem, maybe a part of him is just scared that Robby only needs him and doesn’t want him- fuck he’s being stupid he just needs to call Robby and actually talk to him.

Despite the desperate need to hear Robby’s voice he leaves it alone until training is over to give him some space, which requires an insane amount of self control since Saturday’s are their longest training day.

If nothing else he tries to focus on how good it is for Robby to have a break from training, Johnny at least agreed with that and made sure Robby wasn’t doing anything active after being sick twice at the Pizza place and again last night when they got home. But any calmness he’s managed to gain from Robby’s precious katas is gone when he sees five missed calls from his boyfriend.

Instantly he’s slipping away into the now abandoned dojo and clicking Robby’s contact, it’s a picture of his boyfriend shirtless playing with Daisy on a beautiful beach in Mexico and the contrast between those dazed sun soaked mornings and the heavy worry and anticipation he feels now is almost comical. He’s thanking every god and saint he’s ever heard of when Robby picks up the phone.

“Hey baby sorry I missed your call earlier, how was your day with your mom-” he starts in relief, but then Robby’s voice comes out shaky and broken “Miguel I think I messed up really badly-” he whispers.

It’s like- he can feel his heart stopping.

“Okay sweetheart, why don’t you just tell me what’s going on and I’ll fix it-” he starts desperately and tries not to let any other thought enter his head, not what a huge promise that could turn out to be, or exactly what Robby might have done. Does he regret this relationship or did he hurt himself again, and why on earth isn’t he with his mom?

It’s just that he knows firsthand how much pain and damage Shannon’s parenting has caused Robby and he’s grateful that she’s trying to get better but he’s not sure he can trust her with him when Robby is already so fragile.

“Please just come pick me up Miggy I’m scared,” Robby begs and his voice is slurred and broken like he’s crying and he feels like he’s going to be sick. “Okay I’m on my way darling just don’t hang up okay-” he begs and Robby sobs into the receiver but whispers a quiet “Okay.”

As soon as he gets confirmation that Robby will stay on the line he jumps into the car. He can barely see the road through his tears and takes a minute to wipe off his face and contemplate the fact that he’s technically stealing Sensei’s car but the second he can see well enough to trust his ability not to crash he’s driving. There’s no time to shoot Sensei a text and he has no idea what they must be thinking and he feels like all his anxiety in the last couple of weeks is coming to head at this moment.

His chest is too tight to get a breath of air and he’s teetering on the edge of a full blown breakdown, just barely hanging on enough to trust his ability to drive without endangering himself or anyone else on the road.

“Robby, are you still with me, my love?” he croaks out around the unbearable tightness and he sounds almost as bad as whatever unintelligible slurring is coming from his boyfriend's mouth. “M’ don’ feel good,” Robby barely manages and the words are running together like he has a head injury which only makes his breathing come harder.

“Did you get in a fight baby are you hurt,” he begs as Robby keeps mumbling nonsense under his breath as he tries desperately to think of anything he could do to keep Robby awake and can’t come up with anything except speeding up the car.

“There’s some blood,” Robby whispers and it’s the only thing he hears echoing over and over as he finally pulls into a parking place, triple checking Robby’s location. “Fuck I’m here now baby I’m coming okay where are you I don’t see you” he begs, hand fisted in his shirt.

He shouldn’t be surprised when he ends up near the beach but he can’t get his fingers to grip the door handle and just doubles over and tries desperately to breathe while making a solid effort to figure out what Robby’s saying.

When Robby’s speech only gets worse he gives up on listening and just takes three breaths and gets out of the car. He can remember the cement truck and Sensei’s voice telling them that if they didn’t keep moving they’d get stuck, so he keeps moving, even though he can’t breathe and he feels like he’s having an asthma attack.

He follows the arrow on his phone past the main beach area which has been abandoned in the minutes after the sun goes down, his stomach flips so badly he feels like he’ll actually be sick because he doesn’t see Robby anywhere. “Robby I don’t see you baby can you please tell me where you are?” he begs but he doesn’t get any response.

He’s becoming increasingly more panicked when he doesn’t see his boyfriend anywhere but when he finally catches sight of him none of that anxiety goes away, and it’s not unfounded either because the white band shirt he’s wearing is stained with blood and his arms are scarlet to the elbow.

But he’s seen enough fights to know that’s not what this is.

For a second he thinks Robby slit his wrists but there’s not enough blood for that and haphazardly throwing himself onto his knees next to him doesn’t make it hard to figure out what happened. The sidewalk is covered in huge chunks of broken glass and while he feels it poke into his knees through the denim his skin is protected but Robby’s wrists and hands are absolutely shredded, glass pieces jaggedly sticking out of the vital veins and making him stick to his stomach.

It’s too messy, too deep, and random to be self-inflicted but it’s still there and he knows he’s gonna be sick the second this adrenaline wears off.

“Robby wake up-” he pleads desperately, gripping his shoulders and pulling his limp body against his chest as tears pour down his cheeks. He’s breathing- and somehow that’s everything in the world but still not enough at the same time.

This is so unbearably wrong, this can’t be Robby who laughs and jokes and sleeps on his shoulder with a puppy pressed between them dressed in each other's clothes. He’s so lifeless and after so many weeks of panic and fretting and thinking he understood what it felt like to see someone you loved slipping away he’s hit by the stomach churning realization that he doesn’t really understand any of it.

Even after all the apologies and conversations and trauma Robby’s the one that wakes up more often with nightmares of the school fight, he didn’t get it before but he does now. Nothing he will ever go through could compare to seeing Robby like this with jagged chunks of glass tearing at his delicate skin.

“911 what’s your emergency?” The operator asks soothingly and he just sobs into the receiver as his hands shake so badly he can hardly hold onto the phone. “My boyfriend passed out he- I think he fell and tried to brace himself on his arms there’s all this glass-” he sobs and the operators voice is soothing “I understand it’s hard but I need you to tell me where you are and what happened,” the man informs him and the genuine empathy in his voice gives him pause, helps him take a small breath and tighten his grip on Robby’s unconscious body.

“We’re in the alley by the public beach near Encino Oaks country club, I think he tried to break his fall with his forearms and he’s got these huge chunks of glass in his wrists I don’t- he’s bleeding a lot.” He cries and the man on the other line is telling him things he already knows like don’t take the glass out and try to stop the bleeding which is why he’s got the flannel Robby left in the car this morning wrapped around his wrists already.

And his hair still smells like vanilla and his body is still warm but it might not be for much longer.

“You’re doing really well Miguel, I have a boyfriend myself at home and I understand how scary this must be for you but you need to take deep breaths and make sure you’re as focused as you can be on helping Robby.” He nods through the tears like the 911 operator can see him.

“Just stay calm and focus on listening for the ambulance, someone should be there soon and the calmer you are the more you’ll be able to help. In the meantime talk to him, I can’t promise he’ll hear but he might.”

“Okay,” he whispers tearfully into the receiver before adjusting Robby’s limp form and taking his injured hands carefully to rest over his heart. “Robby I don’t know if you can hear me baby but I’m here with you okay? Whatever happened today we’ll work through it together and I promise to do better when you wake up. Because I said to take care of you and I haven’t done that in these last few weeks you know? I think we both knew your meds weren’t working right and we both wanted it to go away by itself and I knew you didn’t feel comfortable telling people so I let you hurt by yourself without the support you needed because I was scared that if I said anything you’d feel betrayed again and I didn’t want to be just another person who hurt you. But I think sometimes you have to make hard decisions to help the people you love and I’m so sorry I couldn’t do that for you on time. But I love you so much and your parents and the LaRussos and Daisy and my Yaya and Demetri all love you too so don’t leave okay? There are so many people who want you here so don’t think that you don’t matter. God I really hope you can hear me baby because I love you so much- you know I never saw you coming with how things started between us but you’re my whole world and I- I want to build a life with you so please wake up and come back to me. I’ll be waiting for you.” He promises through tears, pressing a gentle kiss to Robby’s hands that are clasped in his as the ambulance pulls up to the alley.

He doesn’t stop praying but more importantly he doesn’t let go of Robby, he might not have done everything he could before but he’s not letting Robby slip away- he deserves more than that.

Notes:

Please please comment, I know I’ve been updating really slowly but I’ve been kind of unmotivated lately and it would mean a lot. This story is so special to me and since this is a big chapter I’d be very grateful to anyone who took the time to share their thoughts 💛

Chapter 49: I'm blind, I'm blind

“Hey Sensei-” He starts hollowly “Miguel where the fuck is my car!” Johnny growls immediately and it’s just so fucking ridiculous he starts laughing and it turns into crying almost immediately. “I’m at the hospital, your car is at the public beach near Encino Oaks but Robby’s in the hospital I probably should've started with that I-” He has to take a sudden breath as he curls up in the uncomfortable chair.

“Wait what happened to Robby?” Johnny asks frantically and he chokes again, rubbing his hands over his bare arms a little too aggressively. “I don’t know he called me after he left the rehab center but he sounded really messed up and he said he needed to be picked up, when I got there he was passed out with chunks of broken glass stuck in his wrists. He’s in surgery now but no one will tell me anything please you gotta get down here with Daniel.” He begs and he’s crying again “Please hurry Johnny I’m scared-” he begs and not even in Mexico without any leads or money did he feel so alone as he does now with his legs drawn up to his chest sitting alone in the hospital waiting room.

“On our way,” Johnny says quickly before hanging up. The minutes between those words and Daniel and Johnny arriving are the longest of his life, even worse than waiting for the ambulance because this time Robby isn’t in his arms and he can’t count his heartbeats and this whole story has too many gaps that no one will fill in for him until they’re here.

Would they even tell him if Robby died? Or would he just sit here freezing and achy and heavy with guilt until Johnny got here to receive the terrible news. Sensei would fall apart and he’d lose him too and then what would he have left? Shattered memories and people he’s grown apart from, he’ll just be a friendless nerd who sits in his bedroom on weekends and cries over how close he came to having everything he ever dreamed of and how it’s his fault he lost it all-

“Miguel!” Daniel exclaims frantically and he snaps out of his daze to see him rushing across the room “Oh my god are you okay is Robby-” he just bursts into tears again or maybe he didn’t ever stop crying but through his blurred vision he can still make out Daniels panicked expression softening into concern as he kneels down and pulls him into a calm steady hug. He’s warm and smells like cotton and it’s just all so gentle and so unlike Sensei, but he can definitely see how this could draw Robby in.

“I don’t know they won’t tell me anything,” he cries into the man's shoulder and he’s never felt so young before- he wants his mom but more than anything he wants Robby. He’s so worked up he doesn’t even notice Sam until Daniel pulls away and he sees her standing there awkwardly while fiddling with some of her bracelets “Someone needed to tag along to grab Johnny’s car and I wanted to do something to help but I- I understand if you don’t want me here after everything that’s happened,” she explains shakily.

“Oh I found Robby’s sweater in the backseat and I thought you might want it- if nothing else you look cold.” He is freezing actually and Sam’s thoughtfulness reminds him why he liked her so much in the first place, so what if she’d fucked up it’s not like that’s anything new with the three of them. Not to mention that she and Robby were closer friends than they ever were, he’d want her here and as long as she gets her act together he does too.

“No you should stay- as long as you can stay this time.” She looks guilty as she sits next to him “I will, I felt awful after but it just seemed like too much to think about so I blamed it all on him and- and now everythings ruined and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to make things better” Sam murmurs and now she’s wiping at her face too as he carefully grabs the sweater and pulls it on.

He folds himself up as small as he can, hospitals are not easy after what he went through and his back hurts pretty badly from having his knees drawn up to his chest on the hard chair, but he doesn’t have their energy to move and Sam has sat down next to him with her cheek on his damp shoulder. The white shirt he’d been given stinks of cheap lemon and anesthetic but it’s better than something covered in Robby’s blood.

Which is why he’s grateful someone let him shower quickly and change, even if his skin smells like crappy hospital soap all over again. But now under all of that he’s wrapped himself up in the heavy cardigan Robby left at Miagi-Do when he changed into his Dodgers hoodie yesterday, he’d thought it would be a comfort to Robby after whatever inevitably happened with his mom and it has become a comfort to him instead. The soft oatmeal colored cotton is a chunky knit that guards against the permanently too cold hospital air conditioning.

It smells like vanilla and carmel and ocean breeze but there’s something that’s uniquely Robby and he can’t stop breathing it in. Just focuses on his lungs expanding and the scent filling his senses.

Johnny shows up a few minutes later and any calmness he’s managed to attain is lost to sickening nausea as Johnny runs past them to the counter demanding answers, immediately he’s on his feet crossing the room before Sensei can make a scene. He’s so scared and not just for Robby, this is it and he knows that, this is the kind of love you don’t come back from. Why didn’t he ever tell Robby that?

The nurse turns up a minute later with a grim expression that makes him feel a renewed urge to puke “You’re the family of Robby Keene? His mother was contacted and consulted with information about surgery risks but I understand that you’re his other guardian.” Johnny nods numbly as the nurse gives them a pitying look “There’s been some complications but he’s stable for now, he came in with deep abrasions to his wrists and hands with a lot of damage to vital veins and severe blood loss as well as alcohol poisoning with a BAC of .27 if he came in much later it’s likely there would have been organ failure but we were able to get some of the alcohol out of his system. Right now the main concern is conflicting treatments as we need to do a stomach pump to get the alcohol out of his system but we also need to give him some medication and a blood transfusion and we have to ensure that the medication we give him will work with the medication he’s on although I do have more questions about that in a moment as it seems likely he hasn’t been taking the correct amount of medication since the traces we found on the blood tests are much lower than the proper dosage would be for someone his age and weight. As for some more positive news we can confirm that it was not a suicide attempt which I’m sure is a relief given his history of self harm, now I’m sure you have more questions but-”

Johnny and Daniel are standing behind him gaping at her as tears fill his eyes “Self harm what’s-” Johnny sounds so lost and Daniel looks nauseous “Miguel what’s he talking about?” Daniel croaks as they both stare at him as the nurse glances around awkwardly “I’ll just get the paperwork you need to sign,” she murmurs before slipping out of the room.

Both men turn to him like he can explain but he’s at a loss for words “What’s self harm, is she blaming this on Robby?” Johnny growls as Daniel mumbles something about drinking before sliding his hand down to cover his mouth, taking a deep breath he turns toward Johnny and it’s clear he’s taken pity on Miguel. “Self harm is when someone intentionally hurts themself to deal with emotional pain, numbness, traumatic memories, or some other mental health struggle. It can be anything from cutting to burning to intentionally reckless behavior but Robby wouldn’t-” Now he turns to Miguel with tears in his eyes as Sensei pales even more and sways on his feet like he’s going to faint.

He’s pretty sure his lip is quivering because all of the sudden he’s sobbing “I’m so so s-sorry I thought I was doing what was b-best for him, he said it w-would get better after Mexico when he g-got back on his meds and it did for a couple weeks but everythings been so bad for m-months and I j-just let it happen!” They’re both staring at him in shock as he stands in the middle of the room blubbering like a baby “He h-hasn’t been eating or s-sleeping and he keeps having nightmares and I t-tried everything that normally works but nothing was helping and I was g-gonna go to you if things got worse but I waited too long and now Robby’s hurt and he might die and it’s all m-my f-fault!” He sobs harshly before being wrapped in a strong embrace.

Johnny is holding him up as his knees give out and he’s crying so hard he can hardly breathe as Daniel helps lead them to the closest chairs, a hand gently rubbing his back until he starts calming down, hiccupping breaths evening out into light breathlessness “I really tried y’know? I just love him so much and I didn’t want to lose his trust- I’m sorry.”

Johnny tightens his grip and nods “I know you did Miguel and what happened isn’t your fault but can you just tell me what’s going on?” Johnny begs and he nods and wraps Robby’s sweater more securely around himself. “He’s been on medication for depression and anxiety since he was thirteen I think and he probably has PTSD from some stuff that happened as well but he’s never really been treated for any of it. There are a lot more details that really are more personal that’s up to him to share but it’s just something he's had a really hard time with. Shannon took his medication for a long time and he had a boyfriend who didn’t like that he was on it so he’s never really taken it regularly. He ran out in Mexico which is why things were bad but he’s been taking them since we got back t-they just haven’t been w-working.”

Apparently the nurse is back with her forms because she taps his shoulder lightly with the clipboard to get his attention “You said he’s been on and off the meds since he was thirteen? Has his prescription been updated in that time?” He just stares blankly and wipes at his eyes “I doubt it, he said he wasn’t on them regularly-” the nurse looks at him a bit pityingly but she’s got a soothing smile as she holds out a blanket to him which he takes gratefully. “I know it’s hard but the good thing is that he’ll be taken care of now, we can put him on new medication in the correct dosage for someone his age and monitor it to ensure he has the best possible option for him.”

He nods in relief as she passes the clipboard to Johnny and turns back to him, taking in his wrecked appearance “Robby is your boyfriend correct?” he nods listlessly and wipes at his eyes again. “Yeah he’s amazing, he likes to read and draw and we have a puppy named Daisy” he says softly “He’s never drank before, not even a sip I don’t know why-” sniffling he brings his knees up to his chest and anxiously twists the ring he’s been playing with all day.

“After situations like this we usually recommend patients to a therapist, if it’s something you might be interested in we can give you a list of resources, going through this with him and being a sole resource can’t have been easy on you. It might help you both to talk to someone, separately or together.”

He nods a little as he turns the ring over again, it’s the one he got Robby in Mexico and it’s the one he wears the most “I’d like that a lot I think it’d be good for me,” he says and the nurse smiles and hands him some pamphlets “Something for the two of you to look through when he wakes up.”

Johnny squeezes his knee and nods at the nurse. “I’ll be sure to set that up when we get home,” it’s the last thing he was expecting but Daniel gives him a look that says he’ll make sure Johnny continues cooperating and he leans against Sensei’s shoulder and continues to fidget with the ring as he tries desperately to stay awake.
It doesn’t work, after weeks of sleep deprivation and stress he passes out between the two men- but not before sliding the ring onto his left ring finger like Robby had when he’d first given it to him. He knows it means something more but to him it’s just a reminder of Robby’s smile.

Notes:

Please leave me comments as a almost Fourth of July present I haven’t got as much feedback on the last few chapters and I would love to know what people think of the ending!

Chapter 50: In your eyes

“Miguel buddy wake up,” Someone says quietly shaking his shoulder as he groans and rolls to his side to snuggle deeper into Robby’s warm body. But it’s not Robby it’s Sensei, he recognizes the smell of the man's shirt, a hint of beer and some type of crappy cologne. He remembers everything in a second and abruptly flails his limbs out in a panic, blanket falling to the floor as Robby’s sweater slips off his shoulder “Woah kid-” Johnny starts but he doesn’t wait for whatever exhaustion slurred words about to come from his mouth.

“Robby is he okay? Is anything wrong? Why’d you wake me up, did he-” he rambles frantically as Daniel hands him a cup of coffee “He’s awake, we’re on our way in now.” Jumping to his feet he feels the burning liquid spill over his hands before Daniel quickly snatches the paper cup back from him. “Okay let’s just keep anything dangerous away from you for the time being, you’ve been awake for like five seconds and you’ve already almost injured yourself twice. I don’t think Robby will be too forgiving if you end up in a hospital bed next to him.” Daniel murmurs, a sorry attempt at humor as he staggers to his feet and follows Johnny and a nurse down the hallway.

His heart is beating so fast and he feels dizzy and lightheaded like he’s about to pass out or throw up as he places his sweaty hands on the door handle and pushes it inward. He has to actually choke down vomit when he sees Robby in the hospital bed, his skin is so pale he looks dead and he’s motionless. There’s an IV that disappears under the covers and his hands and wrists are bandaged up to the elbow.

“Miggy?” Robby croaks and he sounds awful and scared and desperate as he crosses the room and collapses onto his knees “Hi baby,” he murmurs through tears as he looks at his boyfriends wet green eyes. “What did I do?” he cries as Johnny and Daniel watch them confusedly “I just remember calling you did I-” he captures his boyfriends lips in a relieved kiss “Your dads here and Daniel,” he warns before Robbys says something he regrets but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention to anything else.

His already raspy breathing is becoming more panicked and he can see a bandaged hand reach down to his hip where his scar is and it’s then that he understands exactly what Robby’s freaking out about. But they’re not alone and Johnny is sitting on Robby’s other side stroking his hair and trying not to cry as he drags him into his arms. “It’s okay kiddo you’re going to be okay,” Johnny tries to reassure but Robby just cries harder as he climbs up onto the hospital bed next to him and Robby rolls over and buries his face in his chest as he sobs.

“I’m calling a nurse,” Daniel murmurs and he hits the button before he can even protest, making Robby cry harder. “Baby look at me,” he says sternly, turning Robby’s face toward him and using the cardigan to wipe at his soaked cheeks “you didn’t do anything okay? I swear.” He can see confusion and relief in Robby’s eyes as he strokes the silky hair away from his face, cupping his cheek as his breathing starts evening out.

The nurse comes in but Johnny waves her away as he turns his attention back to his boyfriend “You got drunk and fell in broken glass, cut up your wrists really bad but it wasn’t on purpose I promise,” the words seem to calm him down a bit as he cradles Robby’s body against his chest. “I think I remember you talking to me but everything else is just blank-” he sniffles “I’m sorry?”

Sighing he kisses Robby’s forehead and lets him curl against his chest. “There we go mi amor, you’re safe, I’ve got you, everything is going to be fine.” The nurse seems to have injected something into Robby’s IV because his head lols awkwardly to the side. “It shouldn’t knock him out but it’ll keep him calm,” he nods gratefully and kisses Robby’s temple.

Johnny and Daniel both look relieved as they draw chairs around the bed, Robby just turns his face into his neck as he strokes his hair gently while he tries to force down his own tears. “Robby, can you hear me?” Johnny asks hesitantly and Robby nods against his neck “We were talking with your nurse last night and they told me you’re on some medications.” Sensei pauses awkwardly and he just wants to die, the anxiety coming back at full force as Robby hums softly in acknowledgement of whatever his dad’s trying to say. He doesn’t know what that nurse gave him but he wants some.

He’s been numb since he came into the room, no time to process the enormity of what he could’ve lost or the trauma of finding the love of his life passed out in an alley in a pool of blood or the fact that it’s all his fault and Robby could’ve died and now he might lose him anyway.

“I know I’m an insensitive asshole sometimes but I would never make fun of you for something you needed, I might not understand it but between me and your mom it’s no surprise you have issues or- nevermind that’s not what I meant I just love you and I want you to have everything you need and I’m serious about trying to be better but I can’t do that if you don’t communicate with me?” It comes out like a question and Daniel nods encouragingly. They must have practiced while he was sleeping.

“M’ kay Dad I want to be better too, I’m trying, really trying” he mumbles and Johnny smiles and squeezes his shoulder “You’re perfect exactly the way you are but I might need an extra shove here and there okay?” Robby nods sleepily and Johnny breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay kiddo why don’t you rest and when you get home we’ll sort things out,” Johnny says and Robby peeks out from his chest for a moment “Promise?” he whispers shyly as his dad nods “I promise kiddo.”

His hands are still shaking with nerves but it makes him feel better to at least know Robby won’t be completely alone if he decides to break things off, then Robby curls up smaller against his chest with a soft sigh “Migs if you’re here who’s looking out for our puppy?” the word our echoes in his head- maybe things aren’t so ruined after all. “Sam’s watching her baby,” he murmurs as Robby nods and yawns sleepily.

Five minutes later he’s snoring against his chest and he’s still kind of caught up in some weird half asleep haze where he’s not processed any of his emotions yet except the overwhelming relief that Robby is safe in his arms, for now that’s enough.

Notes:

We’re almost to the end so leave some comments on what you think is going to happen!

Chapter 51: You lie, but I don't let it define you

“I should have told you how bad things were I just- I didn’t want it to be real.” Robby murmurs and he can’t help looking down in surprise. It’s the first time they’ve been alone in three days and he’d been under the impression they were ignoring the elephant in the room. “Are we going to talk about this?” He asks hesitantly as Robby shifts against his side and looks up at him nervously “I t-thought you’d want to talk but I guess we don’t have to-” he murmurs quietly before looking down at his bandaged hands.

For obvious reasons Robby’s been especially vulnerable these last couple days and he sighs and wraps his arms more securely around him “I just thought that you might not want to talk to me about this particular issue if things aren’t going to be this way much longer anyway-” he says hesitantly as Robby freezes.

He hadn’t meant to put him on the spot, figuring he was trying to think of a nice way to break things off and absolutely cherishing every moment they had left together. What he doesn’t expect is for Robby to tense violently and twist his fingers into the hospital sheets out of habit even though he whines painfully at the motion. “Baby I’m sorry for springing that on you, I mean I was hoping to let things drag on a little longer but it’s really hard I-” Robby’s crying, his pretty green eyes full of tears as he trembles, shoulders shaking with the force of his tears. He feels the familiar guilt heavy in his stomach, he never meant to make Robby cry.

“Y-you’re b-breaking up with me? I th-hought we were good- I- I trusted y-you.” He whimpers, tears trailing down his flushed cheeks as he stares open mouthed in response. “No, I'm not breaking up with you! Why would you think that?” he yelps as Robby stares at him in confusion “You just said-” he looks down at Robbys lap and carefully grabs his hands “I just figured that after what happened in Mexico you wouldn’t take too kindly to me spilling your secrets.” He murmurs and a part of him realizes that if Robby hadn’t thought of this before he’d just put the idea in his head.

But Robby just stares at him like he’s lost his mind, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, at least he’s not crying anymore. “You thought I was gonna break up with you?” Robby asks incredulously and he stares “Are you not going to break up with me? I told your dad about the medication and that you have PTSD and-” He looks uncomfortable and still visibly upset but carefully takes his hand. The bandages are stiff and rough against his palms as he finally looks up at Robby’s jewel bright eyes “Did you tell them about Jason or my erm- hip?” He questions nervously and his eyes widen in surprise.

“No of course not, I’d never tell anyone something like that!” He protests as Robby gives him another confused look “Then why would I be mad? I’m in the hospital, clearly my way wasn’t working and I know I never should’ve asked you to keep that from them when I was doing so bad- it wasn’t fair to either of us.” Robby murmurs before sniffling and wiping at his eyes and nose again.

All he feels is shock and relief but he tucks them away with all his other feelings from the last few days (weeks if he’s being honest) and cups Robby’s face between his palms, kissing him gently. He can taste the saltiness from both of their tears in the kiss and pulls Robby closer so his shorter boyfriend is tucked against his chest securely. “They know about the self harm, the nurse mentioned the scars to them,” he informs carefully as Robby tenses in his arms “I didn’t say anything to them I swear but I didn’t want you to be surprised I’m so sorry.”

Robby wilts in his arms but takes a deep breath and sniffles “It’s my fault, I wouldn’t have been in this situation at all if I hadn’t been drinking- if I’d just asked for help sooner. Oh my god what’s wrong with me?” he sobs quietly and it just breaks his heart. “Oh Robby nothing’s wrong with you sweetheart, you’ve been through more in seventeen years than most people will ever experience and you’re so strong- but you can’t do this alone forever- you don’t have to.”

It’s a promise and while he’s said it before he’s determined that this time that won’t just mean him, he’ll make sure Robby has every support he could ever need no matter how bad things are. They're not going to be here again, he won’t let them. “I love you more than you could ever imagine alright and I f-fucked up, I should’ve got you help sooner no matter what you asked but I was scared of losing you and I let you hurt. I can’t fix that mistake Robby but I promise I’ll take better care of you -”

He’s cut of mid sentence by another salty kiss as Robby cradles his face in his bandaged palms “We both messed up Miggy but I still want you, if you still want me that is” Letting out an incredulous sob he practically collapses against Robby’s chest crying, he’s just so overwhelmed and the laughter and tears come out at the same time. “There was never a moment when I didn’t want you- not since the first time we were together, and I know I didn’t always handle it the best but as soon as I saw who you really are I couldn’t help but love you.”

Robby makes a quiet noise that’s part sob part laugh and strokes his hair “You’re sweet Migs,” he whispers wetly “I know things have been rough but you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to get better, I’ll put in the work this time y’know? Get on better meds and go to therapy.”

He smiles against Robby’s stomach and pushes his t-shirt up to kiss above his belly button before nuzzling his cheek against the smooth warm skin, burying his face in his boyfriends torso so he doesn’t have to make eye contact when he says “I think we should go to therapy together, the nurse mentioned it when you got here and I didn’t think about it much at the time because things were so bad but now-” he trails off suddenly, swallowing as Robby tightens his grip.

“I think that’s a good idea, together and maybe by myself too but right now I’m tired and I can’t stop crying. I just want to rest and cuddle and maybe watch a movie- can we just do that? I’m so tired.” He nods and shuffles back up so he’s not laying in Robby’s lap and then helps his exhausted boyfriend slide down in the hospital bed to rest his face against his thigh.

To be honest he has more to say but Robby needs to rest and right now he just wants to live in this feeling of overwhelming relief before dealing with the rest of it. So he flips through the channels until he finds an old rerun of Friends and leaves it on, caressing his soft brown curls until they both drift off to sleep. This time instead of dreaming of those perfect weeks in Mexico, Robby and him wrestling between the sheets and wandering through new places each day, and his boyfriends adorable accent when he speaks Spanish.

He dreams of their future, dates, sparring, going off to college together, sharing a dorm, maybe getting married someday and having their own family. It feels so real he can imagine it already and this time he thinks it could be real, that maybe they can get there together.

It’s enough.

Notes:

This is so sad, I’m very attached to this story and I don’t want it to be over. The process from starting to write this to being finished posting has been over a year and I’m very emotional about this so I hope you enjoyed this last chapter. The epilogue should be out in a few days and then it’s over 😢💛

Chapter 52: Oh, define you

Summary:

Epilogue

It’s Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. which means Robby should be here soon. Sometimes his therapy goes a little late or he stops at Starbucks to grab coffee for them but it usually only takes a few minutes. Seeming to understand his impatience Daisy continues headbutting his thigh and rubbing against his chest, sometimes that dog acts like a cat and he’s convinced she gets the rubbing nuzzling thing from Robby. She’s definitely smart enough to pick up on it and he sort of gives Robby anything he wants when he gets cuddly like that so it kind of makes sense.

He just can’t help how cute his boyfriend is and Daisy’s still pretty cute as well even if she’s not a tiny puppy anymore but as much as he likes the dog he tries not to spoil her too much since Robby definitely has that part covered. He has the feeling Robby might try to kick him out of bed to make room for her one of these days and he’s determined not to let that happen, sleeping in a twin bed together is cramped enough already.

And ever since Robby got out of the hospital they’ve pretty much switched between apartments, his mom’s still not really accepted that he likes guys but she’s grown to at least accept Robby’s presence in his life which is more than he thought he’d get for a while there. But ever since he found Robby in the alley he’s had terrible nightmares every night they’re not together.

After the first month without catching up on any sleep he passed out on Johnny’s couch wrapped up in Robby’s arms and they slept for fourteen hours. Between Robby’s recovery, several trials for new medication, and his PTSD and nightmares neither of them were sleeping before. Surprisingly Johnny had been the one to sit down with his mom and Yaya and force the issue, so now they switch back and forth between houses.

Which also means that he waits at the beach with Daisy for two hours after school gets out until Robby shows up with coffee, pastries, smoothies, or some other treat he picks up on the walk here. It’s their routine and he likes that, even more so when Daisy perks up and bounds across the beach with her tongue hanging out to greet a disheveled Robby who looks very nervous at the dog sprinting toward him since his hands are full of food and drinks. “Daisy girl come here,” he laughs as the dog stops and turns toward him dejectedly before coming and laying back down on the blanket with her head in his lap.

Robby follows suit, handing him an iced passion tango tea and a ham and cheese croissant from Starbucks before settling down against his side with a decaf coffee and a distracted expression on his face- staring out at the waves. It’s not exactly unusual for him to be emotional or distant after therapy, Robby has more trauma than most people and some days talking about it is enough to knock him off his feet for the rest of the day. He goes Tuesdays and Thursdays so they keep those nights mellow, usually Johnny orders food in while they all watch a movie on the couch.

They pretty much stay at Sensei’s apartment through the school week because he’s able to drive them to and from school and to therapy where he plays with Daisy or practices katas on the beach until Robby’s finished, except for on Fridays when they have therapy together. But he only goes once a week by himself on Thursday’s so today is just waiting, and honestly it’s grown to be one of his favorite times of the week.

They both make a point to schedule individual activities and they’ve been training more since the hospital fiasco, even though the karate mess is finally dying down. Apparently the weeks of depression, anxiety, and sleep deprivation leading up to Robby’s injury had caused Daniel and Johnny to finally let go of the Silver bullshit. They’re still training the Miagi-fangs but they figured if they couldn't even keep up with protecting their students (otherwise meaning that they hadn’t noticed just how badly not only Robby but both of them had been doing in the weeks leading up to Robby’s accident.) It’s been six months and the dojo’s aren’t training any new students, just people who are already involved and need to be able to defend themselves.

To be honest he doesn’t think this is going to be the end of it, they’ve been in this fight for so long and he and Robby both know that there will come a time when whatever Silver is planning gets too big to ignore, and when that happens they’ve privately decided that they’ll fight. A part of him is still scared but they started this mess (he started this mess) and he doesn’t want to be responsible for anyone else having to go through what they went through.

But for now things are calm and secure and he feels like even if that doesn’t last their lives aren’t going to fall apart from a bit more karate drama, which is a nice feeling after everything.

“How’d therapy go sweetheart?” He asks carefully as Robby hands him the croissant bag, he’s pretty used to dealing with whatever emotions therapy dredges up but he doesn’t seem particularly upset just- unnerved. “It was fine we talked about my mom,” he hums thoughtfully and takes a bite of the meat filled pastry while Robby sits down next to him and curls against him, he wraps an arm around his boyfriend's waist. “Yeah,” he has to admit talking about Shannon makes him nervous after what happened last time. “I think I want to see her again but maybe not alone, I was hoping you could go with me.”

He stills at that- it’s not what he wants but this is better than the alternative and it’s not his choice anyway. “It scares me a little but if that’s what you believe is right for you then I’m with you- always.” For a second they’re both quiet then Robby cups his cheek and turns his face until their lips are brushing together gently. “I love you so much, you’re the best boyfriend ever and I don’t know what I'd do without you.”

He smiles at that “You'd be okay, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met but it’s not something you need to worry about.” Robby snorts and kisses him again, deeper this time before pulling away to let him eat which he appreciates because as much as he loves kissing Robby he’s hungry. “So pre-dinner snack baby?” Robby laughs and nods, taking a bite of his own croissant “You know my dad won’t order food for a couple more hours.”

And it’s true and he’s glad because he treasures this time with Robby, despite the fact that they're together nearly all the time they’re usually busy. School, karate, therapy, learning to live in two places, dealing with PTSD, and homework take up a surprising amount of time. But after therapy they get food and they sit on the beach and turn their phones off and they’re just there together.

Because it’s February and the sun is setting soon he pulls a blanket out of his backpack and wraps them both up in the fluffy fabric so Robby can nuzzle against him, they drink their drinks and eat the food and stay curled up on the sand while the sun sets.

“It’s cold,” Robby finally admits as another chilly breeze blows across the beach and he draws him down so he’s curled on his side spooning Robby from behind and kisses his neck before breathing in the sweet scent of ocean air and the warm vanilla of his boyfriends shampoo. “Are you still cold kitten?” Robby shakes his head “No I’m happy, I don’t want to go anywhere.”

He smiles and slides his hand under the hoodie Robby’s wearing to caress his hip and then his stomach. “Good because the only place I want to be is right here with you” he promises and Robby grabs his hand to lace their fingers together on his stomach. He can just see the cresting waves and the sunset colors washing over both of them as he lets his fingers trail over the scar tissue criss-crossing Robby’s wrists and propping himself up as he presses another kiss to the damaged skin. It brings back hard memories but he knows the texture of his skin perfectly, it feels different now that he’s healing- now that they’re both healing.

“You’re the only place I wanna be too,” Robby says softly and he smiles and takes the ring he bought in Mexico that Robby wears on his left middle finger and pulls it off, rubs it between his fingers twice, feeling the smooth edges before sliding it onto his left ring finger like Robby had the day he first gave it to him on the beach in Mexico.

“It’s too big,” his boyfriend informs him hesitantly, twisting the band on his finger as he presses another kiss to Robby’s warm neck. “We’ll grow into it,” he promises and instead of fighting Robby just relaxes in his arms, pressing back into the embrace. “Yeah?” he finally asks and he nods against his shoulder “Yeah.” He doesn’t need to look to know Robby’s smiling.

Notes:

I cannot believe this is over, I’ve been working on it for so long between writing and posting and I’m not ready to say goodbye!

All the support and love for this story has helped me through some hard times so I wanted to thank everyone. My next longer story (the mermaid au) has been been a bit delayed because my computer broke and I am now writing exclusively on my phone but there are still quite a few longer one-shots in progress. I can’t say for sure when those will be out but I’ll try and get some done when I’m home from vacation.

I hope everyone enjoys the epilogue and if you feel inclined leave me a final comment and check out my other Kiaz stories 💛

Notes:

I’ve been working on this fic for so long and I can’t believe I’m finally posting it! It’s got very little to actually do with season five because most of it was written way before the season came out so it’s pretty much entirely Kiaz for those of you who like that 💛

Friendly reminder that I live off of comments and will love you forever if you leave them for me ☺️