love is a losing game

by Suharu

Summary:

Kaveh feels his own breaths shallow, he’s trying his best not to make a sound, not to move an inch. How the hell did he even find himself in this position to begin with? It’s cramped, uncomfortable, hot. Oh, and there’s also the magnificent view of Alhaitham’s rising and falling naked chest.

No biggie.

Kaveh finds himself in quite the unique situation. How did he get there? And where are they headed?

Notes:

(I can't believe 'Gay Chicken' is an actual tag that exists. Thank the Archons for AO3, truly xD)

Chapter 1: Fellas, is it gay to stare at your roommate’s chest while he’s sleeping?

Kaveh feels his own breaths shallow, he’s trying his best not to make a sound, not to move an inch. How the hell did he even find himself in this position to begin with? It’s cramped, uncomfortable, hot. Oh, and there’s also the magnificent view of Alhaitham’s rising and falling naked chest. No biggie.

He feels his muscles stiff, and he dares to slide up their pillow the tiniest bit. His bastard of a roommate doesn’t seem to be bothered at all, judging by his light snores.

Such peaceful sleep… Kaveh hopes he chokes. How can he fall asleep when there’s a warm spot of touching skin between them? How can he fathom the possibility of dozing off when he knows that his roommate is lying completely naked next to him?

When Kaveh moved in with Alhaitham, he could never imagine a scenario in which the two fully grown men that they were, would share Alhaitham’s tiny, single bed.

“I won’t lose!” Kaveh finds himself thinking with all his might, as his eyes follow the rising chest of his roommate, and go down with the same smooth motion. He doesn’t find it arousing at all, mind you, it’s just that those things are so… Hypnotizing.

It was Kaveh who proposed for them to live together on a drunken impulse, but having Alhaitham agree to that only proves that it makes sense. Kinda. This here, however, has gone too far.

---

Three months ago…

It was a pretty normal after-work evening, and Kaveh was out drinking with some colleagues. Of course he had to be there as well.

“Another drink, sir?” the pretty waitress picked up his empty glass, smiling a fake customer-service smile at him. Kaveh was not in the mood for this.

“No thanks, can’t afford anything anymore” he smirked, trying to pass it as a joke. Judging by the chuckles from around the table he would’ve managed that too, if not for this interfering bastard.

“Yes, another one of those, please” Alhaitham gestured Kaveh’s empty cup and politely sent the waitress on her way. He turned back to face Kaveh “that bad, huh?”

Alhaitham didn’t drink, and it was too late to refuse this pity-gesture, so he played along “well, yeah. Pretty bad.” Kaveh paused but there was nothing to fill in the awkward silence, all eyes were on him now. He internally cursed Alhaitham before continuing, with a nervous cackle “pretty much on the verge of homelessness now. No idea how would I pay my next rent.”

“Here you go sir!” the waitress was back with the pint. That was fast.

“Oh thank the Archons” Kaveh whispered under his breath, chugging down the drink. “No idea how I’d pay you back for this drink either” Kaveh sneered, hitting the wooden table with the empty glass in front of him.

“No need,” Alhaitham responded with that annoying, arrogant aura of his, before turning to the waitress “miss, get him another, put it on my tab, please.”

Kaveh huffed under his breath, embarrassed “maybe you’d let me live with you, if you’re in such a generous mood” he blurted.

Alhaitham’s eyes slightly opened in what could’ve been interpreted as a surprise, but the apathetic look was back on his face far too quickly.

“Sure” Alhaitham responded.

“Sure?”

“You asked me a question, I’ve answered, what more do you want?” Alhaitham folded the arms on his chest and Kaveh felt pierced with his gaze. The whole table was now very much invested in this sudden turn of events.

“Hahaha so you do have a sense of humor, Haitham!” one of the scholars broke the awkward silence with a burst of laughter “Two guys living together? What a joke!” he slapped his knee, “Amazing!”

“I wasn’t joking, cohabitation makes sense” Alhaitham once again murdered the atmosphere, “could use an extra pair of hands for chores, and I’ve got enough extra space.”

“That’s gross, why would you want to sleep with a dude in your house?”

“What’s so gross about it?” knowing him, Alhaitham truly had no idea of the implications in his proposal.

“It’s just, y’know how it is…” the guy was stuttering under the intimidating look of the scribe “things might… Escalate.”

“He means you could fall in loooove” another friend chimed in, needlessly streching the last part, that drunk bastard.

“It makes all the sense to live together, it makes zero sense to fall in love, I don’t think there would be such a burden” Alhaitham didn’t even flinch. It was even borderline insulting, Kaveh noted.

“Ohh so he says he’s immune to your charms, Kav!” an arm of another drunk bastard came around Kaveh’s shoulders “it smells like a game of 'Gay Chicken' to me!” he felt very unstable “The first to fall in love loses!”

“I don’t think this is how the game of Gay Chicken goes” Kaveh slipped under the arm that was crushing him.

“That’s right!” another drunk idiot joined the conversation, Kaveh rolled his eyes in advance “This 'Gay Chicken' is when you kiss your buddy,” he hiccupped once and looked unfocused before continuing “and then you get gay-married and then, and then…”

“And then nothing of the sorts happens, not in 'Gay Chicken' and not to us, stop embarrassing yourself” Alhaitham interfered.

“For someone so serious, you sure do know a lot about 'Gay Chicken', Haitham!” a man noted, making everyone around the table laugh.

Alhaitham closed his eyes and on his face the tiniest of colour changes could be detected by an expert’s eye. What a sight! For some reason, it made Kaveh feel very smug.

“I’ll be taking my leave now,” Alhaitham got up, pushing his chair back as he turned to Kaveh, his look serious, “my offer stands.”

“We should make bets! I bet Haitham would be the first to fall and lose, who’s with me?” the drunkhead from before continued spewing nonsense to the enthusiastic cheers from the table.

“Yeah I think I’ll walk you out,” Kaveh took the chance, he couldn’t stand this fuckery anymore.

“Haitham,” Kaveh closed the wooden door behind them, relieved by the sudden quiet, sobered up by the cool late-night breeze “thank you,” he hesitated, but it’s not like he had much choice “I’ll take you up on the offer.”

“Sure.” He didn’t even flinch.

“And I won’t lose!” He grinned at him a relieved smile, earning a small, a little sad looking one back.

“I know you won’t.”

---

So yes, it is partly Kaveh’s fault that he is tucked in bed next to his naked roommate, sure, but exactly how Kaveh’s life became a living cliché of ‘there was only one bed’ couldn’t all be on him.

Alhaitham took a deep breath in his sleep, immediately annoying Kaveh to a great extent.

It isn’t like he wants to stare at his chest, no way, it is just so, there. And the breasts, they are so round, and smooth and look so squishy, and no, Kaveh was totally not thinking about fondling the boobs of his breastie, ehem, bestie. He should cover him up, yes, he just wants the breast, no, the best for him! He tries to cover Alhaitham’s chest with a blanket, but he moves it away with a snore. Insufferable, even in his sleep.

---

Just a little earlier, today

“Alhaitham!” Kaveh stood in front of their bedroom, looking disturbed “care to explain what the hell is going on?”

“Oh?” Alhaitham leisurely walked over, taking his position besides Kaveh at the doorpost.

“Don’t you ‘Oh’ me, what did you do with my bed?”

“I took it out.” Alhaitham responded, his expression unwavering.

“Yes I get that, but where, and why?”

“Okay so don’t be upset,” it was rare that un-upsetting words came after this expression “but there was an incident.”

“Go on…”

“I took it out, as you know, a joke, to make you move away faster. I didn’t think anyone would take it before you get home…”

For once Alhaitham tries to make a joke and it turns out like this? Cyno has much to learn from the scribe.

“So you have no idea where my bed is?”

“Not at all.”

“And how are you going to make up for it?” Kaveh was seeing red.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll get you a new one” he looked sincere for a change, Kaveh couldn’t really stay mad at him “you can have my bed, here, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, no, it’s okay, we can share.”

“It’s a one person’s bed” Alhaitham stated the obvious.

“Yeah, it’s only for a couple of nights, it’ll be okay.”

---

It was not okay.

For one, why did he have to sleep naked?

“Put some clothes on, for fuck’s sake!” Kaveh exclaimed as they were getting ready for bed.

“Why, it’s more comfortable this way” Alhaitham took his shirt off without shame.

“I don’t want your… Thing on my… things, in the middle of the night!” Kaveh protested, his face red with anger. Embarrassment too. Mostly anger though.

“It’s nothing you don’t have or haven’t seen before, what are you so twitchy about?” Alhaitham took his pants and underpants off, to Kaveh’s great horror.

“Why are you like this?”

“Like what?” Alhaitham covered himself up with a blanket “Don’t worry, nothing’s going to touch you, come on in.”

And here he was, a few hours later.

Shamelessly ogling his naked friend, losing hours of sleep over it.

He just has to get through this night, Kaveh tells himself, just this time and the next night he won’t agree to this anymore, he will sleep on the couch like a real man, with no boobs and no breasts up his face.

He sighs, if there's nothing to be done right now, might as well enjoy the view for the night.

Notes:

Hi there!
I am planning to run this silly little game for a few chapters, and well, I know myself. The rating might change. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

Kudos are much appreciated, comments might make me fall in love with you - take it as a threat or a dare.

Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰

Chapter 2: Fellas, is it gay to polish swords with your roommate?

Summary:

Swords, innuendos and two dumbasses.

Notes:

(Adding "wrote fanfiction on a train in a foreign country" to my resume.)

It’s a rare, quiet afternoon in the house. Since he moved over, Kaveh doesn’t get much ‘alone time,’ so he takes his time to truly enjoy this treat. He sits on the floor, mesmerized by his own reflection in the blade of his recently polished sword when suddenly he’s startled by an unexpected crush with clangs of metal, accompanied by an angry grunt of no other than his roommate.

Kaveh looks down from the shiny metal and sees the unamused face of a person who’s just suffered a comedy-worthy slip. He gloats at him, looking from above “What’s with the fuss?”

Alhaitham’s looks up, still splattered on the floor, and Kaveh’s quite sure that if killing intent had a face – that would be it “The fuss?” he lifts himself up on all fourד, looking around at the mess surrounding him, probably deciding where it would be safe to step next “What’s with all the swords?”

“I’m polishing them!” Kaveh lifts his claymore up for Alhaitham to see, accidentally knocking over another two nearby swords.

“No I mean,” Alhaitham shows quite the acrobatic skills as he avoids the falling blades on his way up “why are there unnecessarily oversized swords scattered around my house?”

“If they are so oversized how come you didn’t see them?” Kaveh teases.

“This doesn’t answer my question” he frowns.

“Ahh, well…” Kaveh sighs a very fake one “That’s because a certain feeble scholar takes up all the space in the weaponry.”

Alhaitham’s arms cross on his chest “There is no space for your huge-ass swords, even if I was unreasonable enough as to let you in my weaponry.”

“Would you quit calling my claymores ‘huge-ass swords?’ What’s with you and the sword envy?” Kaveh would die before he’d admit it, but he was sensitive about the size of his claymores. When he first picked up the art, he was so sure he’d demonstrate sheer brute powers that come with the usage of such weapons, that his below-average stature wouldn’t matter anymore. Boy was he wrong. He was mocked by peers and experts alike, given unsolicited advices for switching to lighter weapons and even told by his teacher that he was simply not made for it.

But there was one junior; only one was enough. “That’s a cool weapon,” Alhaitham told him on what probably would’ve been his last day carrying a weapon if not for him, “you wield it well.” 

And he showed them all. Hard daily training and unwavering determination proved them all wrong. He wields it well; if that boy thinks so, it must be right, Kaveh thought, every time he picked his claymore up after that, and until he was christened a master of the art.

So now, even if jokingly, the mocking kinda stings.

“If we think about it, it’s entirely your fault for tripping” Kaveh smirks under the death-glare sent his way. “Does an esteemed Akademiya scribe really need a vast collection of every puny-sword known to mankind?”

“Perhaps not,” Alhaitham fixes his poise, arms crossed on his chest “but at least mine fit the indoors.”

Kaveh feels judged under the solemn gaze “My sword could fit well enough, it you’d only give it a try!” He gulps and is already brainstorming a re-phrase, when his roommate cuts his train of thought.

“Fine, I will… Try your sword,” Kaveh doesn’t like neither the emphasis in this sentence nor the tiny, mean upwards curve of his roommate’s lips “but before you put it in, I’d like to see it cleaned well enough.”

“Are we still talking swords?” Kaveh whispers in a haze, this cannot be happening.

“What?”

“What?”  

“Show me how you,” Alhaitham’s voice dropped an octave “polish your weapon.”

Does he hear himself? Is he doing this on purpose? Could it be that this prude actually has a sense of humor and Kaveh is, in fact, the one being played here? No. Nononono. It’s just Haitham being himself, not noticing how suggestive this might sound.

He won’t lose.

His cool of course, not any stupid 'Gay-Chicken-but-not-quite' game they may or may not be playing.

After a long second of suspension, Kaveh comes to his senses, sits up and reaches for a cloth “O-Okay so I take this cloth here, to remove the grease,” Kaveh picks up a clean piece of fabric and carefully wraps it around the sword’s blade “then I make long, unidirectional strokes,” he ran the cloth along the blade, from the tip and up to the hilt, maintaining eye contact albeit the heat that spread across his cheeks, and further up to the ears, “carefully, watching my own fingers.”

He wasn’t watching his fingers.

“Eyes on blade, you’ll cut yourself.” Alhaitham commands and Kaveh’s eyes immediately escape to the safety of the weapon, his face’s red deepens.

The sound that escapes Kaveh’s lips due to this development, he prefers to deny.

Then, he feels the warmth of another’s hand on his “Good, but try it like this,” Kaveh can’t bring himself to look up, he fixes his gaze on the slender, pale fingers wrapping his own. Fuck. “You can make it bidirectional, if you watch out for the edge.” And Alhaitham guides him, with both hands on his own, making him stroke his own sword in smooth motions (here, that’s a good stroke.) He guides him up, and back to the tip a few times (nicely done, this is a good pace, Kav.) He dawdles (the tip is the most important part, should pay extra attention to it,) then he goes back up in a way that feels rough (this part isn’t as delicate, can use a bit more force.)

Kaveh’s not quite sure if he’s drunk, dreaming or if this here is real life. Alhaitham’s voice grows muffled and distant, he feels his mind clouded.

“And there you go,” Kaveh almost finds himself chasing the warmth of the hands leaving his, but stops himself just in time. What the hell… “keep going.” Alhaitham stands up and Kaveh finds himself actively avoiding his eye. He's being watched, he can feel it.

Kaveh picks up where he was left to his own devices, stroking the sword once more.

“You’re doing so well, keep going.” Kaveh hears his roommate’s husky voice enticing him. And he wants to answer. He wants to say that he’s been cleaning swords for years, that he doesn’t need neither his tutoring nor his encouragement, that the game he's playing has zero effect on him... 

But he can’t.

He can’t because it feels nice to be talked to this way. Because even though it’s embarrassing – Haitham’s voice is soothing and makes him feel good, and perhaps right now he actually can’t remember how the polishing's done, albeit the years of training he wanted to boast about mere seconds ago.  

Fuckin’ Haitham.

“Mhm—” is all Kaveh manages through the lump in his throat.

“Well, you finish here, I’ll go to the weaponry to make sure your sword,” he pauses to clear his throat. Did he have to pause and cough right here? Is this an attempt on Kaveh’s life? Can he please just go?” “Would fit.”

“Mhm.” Kaveh manages again; for the first time in his life, he’s actually at loss for words.

Kaveh listens to the footsteps getting further away and only then he looks up.

Blood didn’t have the decency to stop at colouring his face; his groin area feels unusually warm and uncomfortable.

Did Haitham notice? Would he have to change his name and move away to live in Mondstadt? At least he hears the Dandelion wine over there is fine, so he’d have it to forget that his past life’s ever happened.

Good. Good thinking. If he picks up even the smallest hint of his shame being discovered by his friend, he’d make a run for it. Smart.

Pushing back thoughts of swords and other swords, and Mondstadt and wine, Kaveh finishes up his polishing and waxing.

He gets up, feeling unusually weak in the knees. Alright, time to show Haitham how well I can fit my sword in, he smacks himself in the face at this thought, and goes.

Notes:

You should never bi-directionally polish a sword, but Kaveh.exe has crushed and needs to be rebooted before he would notice that.

Chapter 3: Fellas, is it gay to rub your roommate’s chest?

Summary:

“You’re sick” Alhaitham announces, “get undressed.”

“Huh?” Haitham’s demand sobers him up a little.

It's not Kaveh's finest hour, and neither it is Alhaitham's...

Everything’s spinning, Kaveh can’t bring himself to open up his eyes. He feels unstable. There’s no ground under his feet but his shoulder feels warm pressed against something firm. His legs are bent at the knees and there's another something supporting them from below. Shakily, slowly, he's being carried around town bridal-style, or so it seems.

That's cool. Nothing embarrassing about it. What is dignity even?

Kaveh tries wiggling around in the strong arms carrying him, but his body defies him. He feels too weak to move properly, he groans instead.

“We’re almost there” he hears a voice. Although a bit strained, it’s a nice voice. Husky. Deep. It’s familiar too, soothing. So at least he knows he’s safe, he can allow himself not to think of it anymore. If only that one with the voice would keep on talking, perhaps that could take his terrible head ache away. Or the shortness of breath, he’d be thankful if he could get rid of that hurdle first.

“I’m dying” Kaveh moans out a huff of a cloudy white smoke to the cold.

“Stop being overdramatic, we’re almost home.” The voice snarls at him while bouncing his slipping self back to the safety of their arms, effortlessly.

Home… Home… It has a nice ring to it, Kaveh sighs. So his roommate is the one this voice belongs to, the one who carries him to their home. If not for his complains about Kaveh being overdramatic he'd have a hard time believing it. Besides, wasn’t Haitham the one making a scene mere minutes ago, in the pub, how come he was the one dubbed 'overdramatic'?

---

Mere minutes ago, in the pub

Kaveh’s day wasn’t going too well. Earlier, he was contacted by some shady guys he once borrowed some funds from, and by 'contacted' he means 'was threatened by.' He was never late on his payments yet, but the loan sharks liked to make their presence known from time to time. It’s not like his financial status wasn’t already a running joke in the whole of Sumeru, with people betting on him and his roommate to fall in love on top of his lousy living situation. Such a cruel reminder of how much of a loser he is, was simply out of place.

Feeling miserable, Kaveh came to the sole sensible, responsible decision and headed uptown for an early evening-drink. Paying the little he had left to forget how broke he was may seem strange, but it wasn’t so to Kaveh. His head was throbbing because of the humiliation, and in general, he simply felt like crap. He didn’t want to depend on Alhaitham, truly, he wanted to have a house, his own home to return to. He knew he couldn’t though, and it frustrated him to a great extent to depend on another, even especially if it was his best friend.

He wanted to call for a drink, but he didn’t get to that. His surroundings got blurry even though he didn’t order anything. Was the atmosphere in the bar so intoxicating that he didn’t even have to pay anymore? Then suddenly everything went dark. 

“Kaveh, what’s going on?” He heard someone calling in a haze.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?” He heard another voice. A shrilly, annoying voice. He wished he’d stop talking.

“Someone, go call for Alhaitham, I think he’s sick.” A third voice spoke. Alhaitham. Haitham… It would be nice to see him now…

The next thing he hears is a slam of opening wooden doors, and he looks up, awakened from a trance.

Alhaitham burst into the half-opened heavy oak doors of the pub, almost crushing face-first into the nearest dining table, barely saving his grace by grabbing on the sitting bench. All eyes of all the pub-frequenters were immediately on him. “Where is he?” He breathed heavily, looking like he’s just rushed to get here.

And his face—

He never made this face.

Kaveh’s seen Alhaitham in plenty of stressful situations. He’s seen him overcome academic struggles, he’s come to cheer on him in sword tournaments and he’s witnessed him facing his enemies in real time. He would seem apathetic or indifferent in most cases, on rare occasions he could be caught mad or upset, but never was he worried?

“What’s wrong with him, how much did he have?” He heard a stern voice, speaking above his head. Nothing at all! Kaveh wants to protest, but as he tries to lift his head up from the table, it’s slapped right back against the hard wood. He feels like shit.

“He wasn’t drinking” he hears one voice, soft, jolly.

“He hasn’t been well since we got here” he hears another, shrilly, annoying. Who are you to decide if I am well?

“We sent for you, thought you’d know what to do” the third one is deep, infuriating. Useless bunch.

“Alright, I’ll take it from here.” Ahh yes, that’s the one, Kaveh thinks as he’s picked up, my favorite voice.

---

A slam of door behind them, and Kaveh tries to convince him that he’s perfectly fine on his own.

Alhaitham looks annoyed but he lets him down on his feet. How cute, Kaveh smirks under his breath.

Wait, he didn’t just think of his roommate as ‘cute’ didn’t he? Kaveh pushes the thought to the back of his mind and tries to walk on his own, his legs don’t seem to be supportive of the idea and to his great dread he collapses. Luckily Alhaitham is right there to catch him “if you can’t, don’t push it” he grunts as he walks him to bed.

“Haitham…” Kaveh moans his name softly, as he's being tucked in. It’s a plea, a silent prayer, don’t leave me, he thinks with all his might, he doesn’t think his soul could take it.

Then suddenly Kaveh feels something warm on his forehead. It lingers there, it absorbs his heat in a way the spot it touches starts to feel cool. He feels his tense body relax under Alhaitham's lips and it feels nice. Kaveh catches himself a second before his smile betrays him and shows on his face.

“What was that for?” Kaveh protests as the lips leave his forehead.

“Just trying to approximate your body’s temperature, or would you prefer the more accurate way of doing things?” he raises a brow at him. 

Kaveh did not know of a more accurate way and by Haitham’s tone he did not wish to find out about it either.

“You’re sick” Alhaitham announces, “get undressed.”

“Huh?” Haitham’s demand sobers him up a little.

“You’re in pain, aren’t you?” Alhaitham pulls out a little vial from the night stand “let me help you.”

He’s seen those vials before, didn’t those look just like the shady ones from the adult-shop from down the street? Kaveh’s eyes open in horror, what pain is he talking about? What kind of ‘help’ might he mean? Just how ‘undressed’ does he want him?

“What the hell are you thinking? It’s an ointment, an ointment! To rub on your chest!” Alhaitham panics for the second time this evening. Kaveh doesn’t think he could ever get used to it.

“Oh.”

“Don’t you ‘oh’ me” Alhaitham’s face is bright pink, how unusual… “I got it from the medics in the city,” he clears his throat, as if buying time “it supposed to help with congestions, to make the breathing lighter.”

Kaveh’s convinced and he wants to get undressed, truly, but he can’t find the strength. “Haitham, help me with it, would you?” he asks in a small voice.

What would the people of the Akademiya say if they saw us like this? Kaveh wonders as he’s relieved of his white shirt, it’s so unfair, how people make fun of Haitham, making stupid bets, assuming weird things about him simply because he’s offered Kaveh a place. He’s been nothing but kind and all their so called friends are nothing but jerks.

“It might feel a little cold, bear with it,” Alhaitham lightly pushes Kaveh’s back against the cushion before emptying the contents on his bared chest “it’ll get warm in no time, trust me.”

Trust me.

He truly did.

It’s just a spark of cold, before Alhaitham’s hands take charge, spreading out the oily liquid into an even layer, massaging it into the skin. Before he knows it, under the warm touch of the slender fingers, Kaveh’s chest is burning.

His face is burning as well, and not from the fever alone.

He’s never been touched by another man, let alone by the great scribe of the Akademiya who happened to be his roommate and his best friend. He watches Alhaitham trace his scars and his curves, he holds his breath as his roommate mindlessly runs his palms over his nipples that to his great horror got perky in the cool air.

“Told you not to go out in the cold dressed so lightly.” Alhaitham scolds.

“Thought the great scribe of the Akademiya would know that sickness has little to do with the cold weather, it’s the pathogens that thrive in those conditions—” Kaveh tries to voice his protest but flinches instead, as his nipple is brushed carelessly, as if on purpose.

“But it makes one’s immune system weaker and therefore prone to contaminations," Alhaitham send a sly smile his way, "thought the great architect of the Akademiya would know.”

Kaveh smiles, seems like he can’t win today. He takes a deep breath and smells pine and eucalyptus, it has its calming effect, along with looking at Haitham’s focused face.

“There you go,” Alhaitham finishes and covers him up with a blanket, “I’ll leave some tea by the bedside, try to get some sleep.”

“Haitham, what about you?” Kaveh jumps up in bed, Alhaitham’s bed that they’ve been sharing for the last couple of weeks.

He gently pushes him back. “Focus on healing, don’t think about the unnecessary.” Alhaitham leaves without adding another word. Before falling asleep Kaveh still smells the pine and the eucalyptus, feels the ghost of the accompanying gentle touch on his chest, wishes for his presence to linger. 

---

Kaveh hears footsteps approaching the bedside. His eyes are closed but he doesn’t feel as tired anymore, he can assume some time has passed. He breathes more easily, so the ointment seems to be working too.

The footsteps stop by his bedside, he contemplates if he should say something to Alhaitham but for some reason a part of him wants to keep on pretending he’s asleep.

“Kav…” He hears Alhaitham whisper into the night. And he’s never had his name uttered with such care, such tenderness. He shuts his eyes even tighter, he wants to know what else he can hear when his roommate isn’t aware of his presence.

He feels his bangs moved away from his face, and Alhaitham’s lips are on his forehead, taking his temperature again. But it’s not exactly the same as before, those lips linger a little longer, touch more than one place.

Kaveh feels his cheek cupped in the palm of a warm hand “Kaveh…” he hears his whisper against his skin. The thumb is tracing a path from the nose bridge and along the cheekbone, lightly caressing, slowly, lovingly.

He feels another touch then, on his burning lips. It’s a touch lighter than a feather, as careful as it can get. It feels damp, but scorching hot at the same time, Kaveh wants to lean into the kiss but also wants to pull away.

He does nothing instead.

What is Alhaitham thinking? Was this the more accurate way to take one’s temperature? It had to be it. No wonder Haitham didn’t do it when they were both awake, it would’ve been really awkward.

Alhaitham’s lips leave his own and it almost makes him groan in displeasure, but he manages to hold his own breath.

Fuck.

He shouldn’t have enjoyed this as much as he had, but maybe Alhaitham shouldn’t have been as adorable as he was today, okay?

Kaveh didn’t want to have those thoughts about his best friend, really, but he was way too sick to fight it now. He’d just have to face himself another day.

---

“Haitham, oi, Haitham!” Kaveh shakes his roommate early in the morning “I feel fine, get up!”

Alhaitham groans something incomprehensible from the couch, covering his head up with the light blanket he was probably holding the whole night.

“You’ll get a cold if you sleep over here, get up!” Kaveh reaches for his hand but immediately taken aback, his skin is scorching to the touch.

Oh No.

Seems like he’s going to be the one to rub ointments on his best friend’s chest now, Kaveh can’t conceal his stupid grin as this thought.

He hesitates for a second and then leans in to check on his temperature, in the most accurate way.

Notes:

I'll tell you in secret that a completely different chapter was planned for this week, but then I got too sick to function and thus this idea was born. This one had a little change of pace, me thinks. As much as I enjoy writing endless bickering and silly jokes, showing characters' more vulnerable sides also has its perks. I enjoyed writing them boys like this, hope it was a fun read:)

P.S - The most accurate way to take one's temperature wouldn't be by kissing the other's lips, but let Kaveh live in his illusion for another day.
P.P.S - It's in the bum, actually.

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Chapter 4: Fellas, is jealousy gay?

Summary:

An unexpected guest causes some overdue introspection.

Kaveh doubts the door to their bedroom is locked, but the fact it’s shut is very uncharacteristic for Alhaitham. He tiptoes closer, making sure he’s not heard. There are some voices coming from inside, one definitely belongs to his roommate, the other… He can’t seem to figure.

He tries to listen in, but he can’t figure the words. The voices speak quietly, secretively. Curiosity gets the best of Kaveh, he takes a deep breath and quickly opens the heavy, wooden door, hoping to get a glimpse of what's going on inside.

Before him quite the unexpected scene unveiled. Of course there is Alhaitham, sitting on a chair by the bed, looking unbothered as ever, and beside him, sitting on the said bed, quite the well-known ex-scholar. His fluffy tail ruffled, and a bit puffed up by the startle. His long, foxlike ears perky on his head and he’s already looking the door’s way when Kaveh barges in.

Nothing escapes Tighnari’s ears, of course. He was definitely heard lurking around the door, how embarrassing.

“Sorry, it seems I’ve interrupted something… Important?” Kaveh throws a glance at them, noting how close they are sitting, how Alhaitham’s body is leaning towards the fox. He hates it. He doesn’t manage to conceal the resentment in his voice.

“No, no, please, I was just leaving, I’m sorry for the intrusion,” Tighnari springs from his sitting position on the bed and down to the floor, only to have Alhaitham catch him by the wrist.

“Wait, Tighnari, what about the—” Alhaitham inquires, but he’s cut short as Tighnari takes his hand away, gentle as ever.

“We should continue our talk tomorrow,” he smiles at him and then turns to face Kaveh, his expression unwavering “or you’ll find yourself in trouble, Haitham” he chuckles and takes his leave with a light bow.

Haitham, huh?

Kaveh listens to the sound of the front door closing, but nonetheless he waits in silence a few more moments. With Tighnari’s super-human ear-powers he should be extra careful, to make sure he’s out of the hearing range. Alhaitham does nothing but uncross and cross his legs back, his look unreadable.

“What was that all about?” Kaveh spits at Alhaitham, surprised by his own accusing attitude.

“It doesn’t concern you” Alhaitham’s tone is not unkind, but the hurt still slips and shows on Kaveh’s face, albeit his attempt to conceal it. Alhaitham’s expression softens and Kaveh hates that he’s feeling sorry for him, what’s with that?

“Wait no, Kav… I’m sorry, it didn’t come out right.” 

“No, I’m sorry for interrupting the business of the great scribe and his boyfriend—” he stops abruptly, he knows he’s crossed a line. He looks away.

“He’s not—”

Kaveh feels the danger in his tone, this is not going well at all. He wants to end this conversation as soon as possible “It’s okay, you do what you want,” he exhales, unfortunately not able to use the pause to collect his cool, “it doesn’t concern me, after all.”

“Why are you so mad?” Alhaitham finally has the courtesy to get up from his comfortable sitting position, that asshole.

“I don’t know!” Kaveh snaps at his face, because he really doesn’t.

“Okay then,” Alhaitham backs off, annoying Kaveh even more with the ease he just lets this go, “maybe you should sleep on it, let’s get ready for bed.”

Alhaitham starts undressing, not minding him anymore and Kaveh follows him with his eyes. The last thing he wants right now is to get in bed. With Alhaitham. With a naked Alhaitham on top of everything, as if he could simply 'sleep on it' like this. 

Why is he so mad indeed? It’s not like Alhaitham was doing anything wrong. He truly was allowed to do whatever, and it really wasn’t Kaveh’s business. In fact, Haitham should be the one getting upset with his rude roommate, who didn’t have the decency to knock when he obviously had company. Why does being told it doesn't concern him sting so much and how come Haitham acts like he is sorry?

“Come,” Alhaitham takes his side of the bed, making space for Kaveh “it’s late” his tone is far too understanding for Kaveh’s tastes.

He obliges, nonetheless.

Alhaitham lies on his back, only his head slightly turned to Kaveh’s side “Good night, Kav” he speaks softly.  

Kaveh grunts in response, turning to his left side, facing the wall. He clings to his blanket, trying to chase intruding thoughts of roommates and forest rangers away. He needs some time to figure this out, he wants to get away from his roommate for at least a little while, because he knows this feeling.

It’s pretty simple, really.

It’s jealousy.

---

Kaveh doesn’t know if he even managed to fall asleep at all, when he hears his roommate get up and ready. He takes a secretive peek at him and sees that it’s still dark outside, what’s with Haitham and the urgency to get to work so early?

Alhaitham approaches the bed and crouches beside him. Kaveh is reminded of the last time he pretended he was asleep next to Haitham. Sure, it was only him taking care of a sick Kaveh, but he felt his lips on his forehead and on his mouth, heard his name uttered with such care...

Kaveh finds himself longing for it once more.

Good thing that it is dark, for Kaveh's cheeks are burning. He can’t handle him right now. He didn’t have the chance to figure out why was he jealous or how could he stop feeling that yet. He doesn’t want to snap anymore, not at the person who gives him a roof over his head, and his best friend on top of that.

To his relief and disappointment, nothing happens. Kaveh feels his bangs moved away from his face, and his hair lightly caressed. “See you later, Kaveh” he hears Haitham whisper quietly, so as not to wake him up.

Yeah, see you later, Kaveh hopes that at least now, sleep will manage to take over.

---

Day 1

Kaveh returns quite late on that day, after dawdling and doing some overtime on purpose. He expects Alhaitham to already be at home by the time he arrives, and he’s still not sure how to face him. He breathes a sigh of relief when he opens the front door only to find an empty house.

Still gone, good, Kaveh decides to start dinner preparations without waiting for his roommate, because who needs him anyways? Perhaps Tighnari took him to a more private place for the night, then he can't expect him to return soon anyways. Which is fair. 

Kaveh sits down with his lunch. It doesn’t look too good, but it’ll have to do. He takes a bite and puts extra effort into chewing his creation. Too bad Haitham didn’t bail after cooking dinner.

But he’s allowed a personal life, right? It really isn’t Kaveh’s business, no matter his own feelings on that matter.

And what are his own feelings on that matter anyways? How come this bothers him so?

He doesn’t hate Tighnari, in fact he could kinda see what Alhaitham sees in him. His foxlike ears look very soft to the touch, he thought how he’d like to stroke them at least once before, but decided against it since he felt it wasn’t a polite thing to ask. That silky-looking tail too, he wonders how much time the ranger spends grooming it, he wonders if he enjoys getting pulled on it during—

No, that’s highly inappropriate. He should think of some other reason this irks him. Kaveh continues to ponder as he gives up on dinner altogether, and puts a kettle on fire instead, thinking that some tea might do him good.

He couldn’t care less about them being secretive, or so he thinks. And this is Alhaitham’s house after all, so he can’t exactly complain about the closed bedrooms, but maybe he could give him a heads-up? Put a sock on the handle?

Maybe he was simply feeling left out? They were best friends, how come Haitham didn't ever mention he's dating?

Or maybe he is jealous of their relationship? He pours the boiling water on the dry leaves, enjoying the aroma hitting his nostrils, inhaling deeply. If he was indeed envious of what they had, he still doesn’t understand why.

It’s not like he is looking for a relationship right now. Or ever had. He turned down many dating options with the excuse of having no time for romance. Maybe he is missing out? But why seeing his roommate with his boyfriend makes him question his own life choices?

Perhaps it was simply the feeling of someone else getting there before you, making you realise how stupid you’ve been.

Kaveh finishes his tea up, leaving the teacup on the table. He smirks at the thought of Haitham’s annoyed face when he confronts him about dirty dishes left unattended, but the smirk is quick to leave his face, for he doesn't know when will Haitham be back to scold him.  

Kaveh shakes this strange thought off as he gets undressed and tucks himself into bed.

Ah yes, bed. A whole bed for him to use! Kaveh gets into starfish position, giddily thinking that Haitham won’t be bothering him tonight. Finally, he has plenty of space, no foreign snores next to his ear, and no surprise spoonings by his roommate who gets very cuddly when he’s not feeling well, or so Kaveh’s learned last week. Even if he comes back later tonight, Kaveh that’s all over his bed would annoy him so bad, it's totally worth it.

He gets comfortable, ready for sleep to take over.

Except it doesn’t.

Kaveh waits for long minutes but all in vain. He moves in bed, changes sides, changes positions but nothing. The minutes turn into hours. 

He can't turn his mind off. He can't stop thinking of his stupid roommate and of his stupid roommate's stupid lover. 

He can’t sleep.

Did he get used to Alhaitham's presence so much over the past couple of months that now he’s ruined and cannot fall asleep on his own anymore?

Seriously, and he means it from the bottom of his heart, fuck Alhaitham. 

Kaveh stays awake, trapped with his thoughts for quite the long time that night, ever suffering.

Notes:

This week there'll be 2 updates, because I've lost control and wrote a 3-chapters-long chapter. I just need to power through editing. Not having a beta sucks balls, go hug your betas.

P.S - Has anyone noticed I'm using Alhaitham/Haitham alternately? Because it's Kaveh's POV I feel like it's a fun way to emphasize his moods and feelings, I'm not just lazy with editing, I swear xD
P.S.S - Did it seem like Kaveh is not consistent with his ponderings? If so - Good! Yet again, not me being lazy.^^

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Chapter 5: Fellas, how long can a hug last until it’s gay?

Summary:

Alhaitham is nowhere to be found & Kaveh, of course, couldn't care less.

Notes:

Thank you Julz for your input🥰!

Day 2

Kaveh totally didn’t spend the whole day wondering if he was going to run into Alhaitham in the library, or in the canteen at lunch. He wasn’t actively searching for him the whole day, everywhere he went. He also never wondered about the late-night activities that probably kept him away. Not yesterday when sleep was failing him and not during this whole day, this was entirely Haitham’s personal thing, nothing to do with him, not his business.

Or so he kept telling himself, on his way home. Alhaitham was on his mind a completely normal amount, befitting the given situation, but that certainly was enough to give him a throbbing headache.

Work’s been hell too. He’s made one mistake after another, could find neither his favorite paper for sketches nor decent ideas for designs, his new apprentice has been utterly useless, and his uselessness aside, he never stopped asking if Kaveh was sleeping well enough, that insensitive prick. The architect simply couldn’t wait to get home and whine to his roommate over dinner, even if dinner had to take place after ten in the evening.

“I’m home!” Kaveh announces, opening the unlocked door of the dark house “Haitham, what’s for dinner?” he demands, but receives no answer. Strange, was he the one to leave the door unlocked? He chuckles, imagining his roommate’s scolding face if he’d get to an unlocked home before him.

But there was no roommate to be found.

When did he get so used to Haitham always being there to listen to him talk for hours? When did he start taking it for granted?

The air inside is stifling, suffocating. No one vented the house for a while and Kaveh imagines Alhaitham didn’t come back home today either. He turns the lights on and opens the windows wide, getting chills from the cool night’s summer breeze.

Should he be worried? It’s not exactly unlike his roommate to be secretive about things, but this here was quite the extreme. Never before has he disappeared for days, without a plausible explanation.

“ See you later, Kaveh ” were the words he parted with, and he trusted him. He believed he’d just see him later. But it was one thing to stay over at your boyfriend’s, and an entirely different one to skip work over it, and lie about it. It wasn’t like Haitham.

He could be lost.

He could be in danger.

He could be somewhere across Teyvat waiting for help to arrive, and all in vain, because his roommate was too busy waiting for his return, like always, not doing enough.

Should he go and look for him?

Or he could be having some wild time with the fox. How stupid might that make him look?

Chasing weird thoughts of tails and roommates away, Kaveh gets in bed for another night in which sleep is scarce.

---

Day 3

“Hey Kaveh, how’s your wife?” Kaveh’s startled in the middle of lunch by some Akademiya asshole he’s not even sure he’s familiar with.

“I think you’ve mistook me for somebody else,” he answers coolly “I don’t have a wife—”

Oh.

He realizes a second too late, and the idiot’s already having a hearty laugh “Alhaitham, I mean the scribe, he’s been on sick leave for three days now? Such a rare occasion, and second time in two weeks?”

“Ah yeah, her. I mean, him.” Kaveh coughs, buying himself time “still under the weather. Should I deliver a message to the scribe?” he smiles a mean smile in his direction “Should I also mention he was christened my ‘wife’ while I’m at it?”

“Ahh no, no, please,” he seems flustered by this. Good. “I’ve just wondered… Never mind, please wish him a speedy recovery.”

Oh yeah I will, Kaveh thinks as he watches him disappear in the crowd, once he shows up I sure will…

That evening Kaveh enters the house with little hope, only to find the house empty again. He sighs. A knot tightens in his stomach, never before had he thought lonely evenings would have such an impact on him. The sleepless nights also start to get to him, he feels his brain fuzzy and exhausted.

He misses the taste of edible dinners too.

He’ll look for him tomorrow, Kaveh tells himself as he gets into bed, he’ll leave early and head into the forest. If even the Akademiya scholars haven’t seen him during the past three days, he must be up to no good.

Kaveh lies in bed, the empty feeling runs right down to the depth of his stomach. He’s been so happy last week, when Alhaitham took care of his sick ass. He loved being pampered by him, loved the tenderness he uttered his name with, loved how his lips felt on his when he thought Kaveh was asleep…

Was Haitham really only checking on him or did Kaveh insist on acting stupid because he was in fact afraid to think of it as something more? It doesn’t matter, not anymore.

He drifts away, thinking of colds, and hots and sweet kisses that could’ve been his, but weren’t…

---

“ Kav …” He doesn’t know how much time he’s spent tossing and turning when he hears someone calling his name. ‘Calling’ is an exaggeration, really, it’s not much above a whisper “Kaveh, are you awake?” so careful, as if afraid to actually wake him up.

He opens his eyes.

It takes him a second to be re-oriented, but he sees his asshole of a roommate through the dream’s haze.

The asshole. Roommate. The one who’s been missing for days, right. Kaveh springs up in bed as if a firecracker went out under his ass “Alhaitham…” he’s so mad, he’s about to get so angry with him, he’s going to hear every single scenario about every single possible kidnap Kaveh’s imagined in the past three days, oh he’s furious, he’s positively burning with rage… But his eyes get used to the dark of the night and instead of all the scolding, a high-pitched shriek escapes him “Haitham!”

Alhaitham smiles a guilty smile his way, barely. Half his face is too swollen to manage that. Some of his clothes are torn and there’s an ugly wound, bleeding still, on his shoulder.

“Get undressed,” Kaveh commands, sitting him on their bed “I’m getting the first-aid first and then we’re getting your sorry ass to the medics.”

“I think the first-aid you’d provide would suffice.” Alhaitham flinches as he takes his shirt off.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Kaveh returns fast with a little basin, some ointments and bandages, “let me clean this up.”

“Not gonna ask how I got those?” Alhaitham winces under the wet cloth Kaveh’s using to clean his wound “or where I’ve been?”

“Thought it wasn’t my business,” Kaveh can’t hold his spite back, but to his surprise Alhaitham laughs it off.  

He’s seen this expression on him before, and he hated it back then as well. How can he look so understanding when Kaveh himself doesn’t know what bothers him so?

He snickers, “Did Tighnari finally kick you out?”

Alhaitham sighs, a long one “Kav, there’s been a misunderstanding, I didn’t stay with ranger Tighnari the last couple of days,” he jumps as the ointment touches his injury, Kaveh’s smug about it. “Kav, I, ugh… This burns !”

“It means it works well, bear with it.”

“Forest ranger Tighnari asked for my help with… Something.” Alhaitham looks around as if making sure they are alone and reaches out with his hand. Kaveh doesn’t flinch when Alhaitham’s fingers lightly brush against his cheek nor when they tuck a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Instead he holds his breath and thanks the archons for the dimly lit room.

He hears a little click where Haitham’s hand is, and a faint red light comes to replace the green one he’s so used to.

“My Akasha? Why?”

“Trust me.”

Kaveh hates that he does.

“There’s been a few… Incidents, inside of the Akademiya,” Alhaitham whispers, “I’ve been out of town investigating a few leads of Tighnari, working alone. Ran into some troubles on my way back too” He chuckles, “besides, I wouldn’t go around looking for troubles with General Mahamatra, trust me.”

The second ointment seems not to burn as much, it’s cool under Kaveh’s fingers, and he feels the stiff body of his roommate relax under his touch. Alhaitham sighs in relief “This one’s nicer.”

“General Mahamatra? What does Cyno have to do with it?” Kaveh is honestly confused.

“Let’s just say that General Mahamatra and Ranger Tighnari share a very close, um, relationship ” Alhaitham winks at him.

“Seriously, that’s your lame excuse?” Kaveh tries his best not to let the relief show on his face “You could’ve just said you didn’t swing this way, why involve Cyno in this mess?”

“Who said I didn’t swing this way?” Alhaitham raises a brow at him.

Kaveh’s gulps, flustered.

“Does it bother you?”

“N-No?” Kaveh manages.

Alhaitham laughs “Is this an answer or a question?”

“It doesn’t matter to me, Haitham, you’re my best friend.” Kaveh tries his best to stable his now shaking hands, putting the last of his bandages on his roommate’s shoulder “Here you go. No medics required, you’ve been lucky.”

“Thank you, Kav,” Alhaitham turns to face him, but he’s startled “Kaveh, what’s wrong?”

Kaveh feels the sides of his eyes getting damper, he really doesn’t want to look at his roommate right now, “Nothing, go wash your face and get to bed, you need rest.”

He tries to get away but his hand is caught, and he finds himself between the muscular strong arms, in a hug one cannot escape easily.

“No, no, Kav, please, I’m sorry,” he tightens his hug, it’s getting harder to breathe “I didn’t want to leave you like this, don’t cry.”

“Ugh, who’s crying?” Kaveh sniffles, making feeble attempts to escape, in vain. “Let me go.”

“I didn’t want to leave you in the dark, really, but trust me, it was safer for you not to know what am I up to.”

If not for the embarrassment he’s been experiencing, crying in front of his best friend like this, Kaveh’d probably be more focused on the hurried, urgent way Alhaitham was trying to get to him “they have people everywhere you turn, I didn’t think you’d worry…” he holds on to him tighter.

“You disappear for three days, of course I would worry, idiot.”

“I am an idiot, but I would’ve done it again if it means keeping you safe.”

“I’m not completely useless, you know? You should let me help you, with whatever you’re up to,” Deep inside his heart, Kaveh knows there’s nothing he could say that would make Haitham put him in danger, but it wouldn’t prevent him from trying.

“Yes, thank you…” Alhaitham doesn’t sound convinced, but he probably knows what’s best for him, and that’s to accept whatever’s coming at him.

“Involve me, trust in me, use me.” Kaveh blurts hastily. Buried in his chest, at least he’s spared the inconvenience of looking in his eyes.

“Yes…” His voice is so gentle, caressing his heart.

“Tell me what you’re up to, let me repay you” he speaks against the hot skin, this is too much.

“Mhmm.” Alhaitham grumbles his reassurance, finally loosening his hold on him. Kaveh doesn’t buy it.

“I’m a freeloader after all.” 

Notes:

Okay, okay, we're done with the mild sad (for now hehe) and I believe the next chapter would be a bit more light hearted. I am a bit sorry, but they need it for ✨progress✨, amirite?

Also, the rating for next chapter might change. Might. I don't know that yet, but you've been warned. You can tell me your thoughts in the comments/on Twitter (I even made a poll, yay!) they are always appreciated ♥

P.S - This and previous chapters had several 'Given' references, I wonder if anyone caught on to that? xD

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Chapter 6: Fellas, are dreams always this gay?

Summary:

Kaveh opens his eyes to a dimly lit room. Light snores come from the opposite corner and no roommate is to be found in his proximity.

His breaths are heavy, strained, he feels his heart about to jump out from his chest.

 

What in the name of all archons was that?

Kaveh learns what's it like to dream, he's not sure his heart can take it though.

Notes:

Please note that I've changed the rating from M to E 😅 Not that it matters much, but y'know, just in case.

“Wait, wait, don’t peek!” Alhaitham walks Kaveh towards their bedroom, his hands covering his eyes.

“Haitham, what’s with you, it’s so unlike you to, oh—” the palms finally move away from blocking his view, to reveal quite the sight in front of him.

“How do you like it?” Haitham sounds so proud of himself, pointing towards a brand-new bed.

“I, uh—” it is a beautiful sight indeed. It is larger than his previous, untimely departed one. The wooden frame is darker, heavier looking. Upon a closer look, the back frame is decorated with little lion-heads too and Kaveh finds himself appreciating the artistic touch of it “I don’t know what to say…” Because he really doesn’t.

Of course he’s happy to have his own place to sleep in again. The bed is big, comfy looking, and Haitham even took it upon himself to buy him a new set of sheets - really cute ones, with little mushrooms and berries all over them. It looks fresh, inviting… On the other hand it’s positioned in the opposite corner of the room.

It’s still too fresh in Kaveh’s memory -  the bed that is too spacious, too empty. He’s gone through all stages of grief for his sleep, he just couldn’t securely sleep without Alhaitham by his side, or so he started to think. But perhaps it has little to do with his presence, and more to do with the fact that he’s been worried sick for his sorry ass? He should at least try and be more excited about this arrangement, shouldn’t he?

“I’m sorry it took so long, I know it wasn’t very comfortable. I wanted it to be nice so I commissioned an artist to work on it.” Alhaitham smiles. Could he like, stop? All this kindness doesn’t sit well with Kaveh’s concerns.

“Yeah, no,” he clears his throat, collecting himself, “I mean thank you, it’s lovely,” Kaveh finds it in himself to smile back “let’s get ready for bed.”

He turns his Akasha off and sets it aside. Since Alhaitham’s return, it’s become an integral part of his night ritual. 

It’s going to be just fine.

---

Through a dispersing white smoke Kaveh sees a face dawning near. Stuck in place, he can’t move away, but he isn’t trying too hard either. Plump lips are getting closer, he follows them as long as he can, but they are out of sight now “Haith—” he’s cut short. It’s soft, just like that one time, with the temperature. Is he sick again and that’s why he cannot move? Is his body too sore?

“Mhmm—” his words are swallowed, he can’t make a sound. The other’s lips are getting more determined, lightly nibbling on his lower lip, coaxing his mouth to open. Kaveh feels some teeth join, and he gives in, his lips now parted. What would happen now, he feels so lost…

“It’s okay,” he feels Alhaitham’s words uttered against his own lips rather than he hears them “be good and follow me.”

With those words he feels something hot, enticing. It’s running along his upper lip, circling its way to the lower. It’s parting his lips further, fetching his tongue.

He’s hesitant, but curious. His own tongue is hiding behind, but not for long, as the other’s invades his mouth in search of it.

Kaveh feels his tongue lifted up and pushed back with careful caresses. His lips feel damp, and Alhaitham’s breaths hot.

He wants more.

Kaveh gains some courage and dares to run his own tongue on his roommate’s, no longer able to quietly take the scorching flames that are building up from his depths.

This earns him a pleased hum and they lock their lips together at the cue, both determined not to step back.

Haitham…

He is being kissed by Alhaitham… And he kisses him back.

Why

It’s strange.

His lips feel sore.

It’s too hot, he’s about to combust.

…He wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Haitham…”

---

Kaveh opens his eyes to a dimly lit room. Light snores come from the opposite corner and no roommate is to be found in his proximity.

His breaths are heavy, strained, he feels his heart about to jump out from his chest.

What in the name of all archons was that?

He casts a long, solemn look at the peacefully sleeping roommate, across the room. It didn’t actually happen, right? The… Kiss. 

This whole ‘dreaming’ business as an experience was quite new to Kaveh. Of course, as a self-respecting scholar, he’s read about dreams. He knew, theoretically, how it worked. He was aware of the late-night experiences that were the manifestations of his subconsciousness’ deepest fears and desires… But it was one thing to read of it, and completely different to actually have it happen to you. 

Since he’s started setting his Akasha aside for the night, as per request of his roommate’s, he’s started to dream from time to time. His dreams have been quite uneventful, though. 

Most nights he couldn’t remember a thing and on the nights he did, it was simply a mush of nonsense. He’s already begun to think Alhaitham made way too much of a big deal out of this ‘collecting data from dreams.’ 

Alhaitham didn’t talk much of it, he told him it was just a suspicion, and that he should just trust him on this one. Typical. 

But now this dream has happened? It was hard to grasp. 

Did he, in all seriousness, dream of making out with his best friend? Yeah, he couldn’t have that data collected, no way.

Kaveh rises up to a sitting position, his back against the cushions.

He needs to stay calm. It’s probably pretty normal, but how can he make sure…?

He can’t ask his buddies over wine and raise suspicion. It might make them too happy, even if he just implies something of sorts. They’ve got those stupid bets about them falling in love, after all.

He can’t march into the library and have the librarian inquire about his field of research. She’s probably part of the bets too.

The only friend he trusts, unfortunately, is the subject of his concerns.

How bothersome.

He could simply pretend it’s a one-time slip that doesn’t mean anything. He could blame it on the deviant thoughts of roommates and forest-rangers his overactive imagination has been feeding him, while Alhaitham was missing.

But maybe it also has to do something with Haitham acting so unapologetic about being attracted to men?

Kaveh feels his cheeks burn, partly with shame. Instead of using this chance to reassure Alhaitham that it wasn’t strange, and that he himself may have experienced those feelings before, he dismissed him with a half-assed ‘it doesn’t matter to me.’

He is so lame.

And worst of all – Kaveh has to admit, he is disappointed that the dream was cut short.

He exhales a deep sigh and looks over at his sleeping roommate. Looking at him he feels the fondness swelling up inside of him, threatening to burst out. Alhaitham is, in all honesty, such a great guy.

Of course he doesn’t hate the thought of kissing him, who would?

He slips back into a lying position, closing his eyes.

It’s okay.

He’s okay.

---

The next night…

It’s the same lips from last time. Kaveh smiles softly, thinking of softness and last time experiences.

He closes his eyes, expectant. He longs for the awkward first contact to turn into a damp, hot mess he was deprived of the last time, wants to feel more of him, to study the inside of his mouth and let him explore his own…

Kaveh waits but his mouth remains orphaned.

He peeks down. He meets a pair of piercing emerald eyes looking his way, and the plump pretty lips he’s come to expect. Alhaitham winks at him and the lips wrap around something… Different. Something… Thicker.

Alhaitham’s mouth is too busy to speak, but his eyes talk in his stead – Hi there, they smirk at him you’ve been expecting me, they mock, now sit back and enjoy.

Kaveh dares to follow the lips closing around his most private parts. He swallows once, not daring to move an inch.

The same tongue that was innocently enough tasting his own just the other night, has now made a full circle around the head of his cock.

He shudders.

Alhaitham almost purrs at his reaction. He takes his time, going round and about the head, taking notes which spots made Kaveh jump, sigh or grab on his hair, or so it seems.

He finds the spot.

Just right up front, from the slit down.

It sends an electric current through Kaveh’s body, every time the tongue comes to caress.

It’s hard to stay still. Kaveh wants to look.

With one hand in the mess of his roommate’s hair, Kaveh uses the other to cup the pretty face, working its way up and down his cock.

He guides him up and back down.

Those red lips are ever prettier, wrapped around him, the tongue works even harder under his studying look and Haitham’s breaths feel even hotter when they are against his dick.

This is insane.

Kaveh rolls his hips once, unable to hold back.

He hears a choked voice from down below and he surprises himself with how little he cares. He wants needs more.

He rolls his hips back, and inside the welcoming mouth again. His cock hits the back of his roommate’s throat, while the said roommate, with a sparkle of dampness in his eyes, swallows him whole, moaning against his dick.

Fuck, yes.

Fuck…

---

Kaveh's startled awake, looking around the room through the quiet moonlight creeping from beyond the heavy curtains.

Well , Fuck indeed.

---

Dinnertime

Dinner proves to be the worst meal of them all.

Kaveh could easily skip breakfast with the convenient excuse of ‘too much work’ and avoid eye contact during lunch at the canteen, but dinner wasn’t as simple.

Because of course Alhaitham couldn’t go easy on him.

Because of course particularly today he’s decided on a “skewers night” with the lovely variety of chicken and mushroom skewers, fried radish balls skewers, grilled fish skewers, and even the special fruity skewers. For dessert he’s prepared the tricolor dango, obviously.  

Honestly, on any other night Kaveh would’ve appreciated the aesthetic of a thematic dinner, but not tonight. He couldn’t do phallic-looking food, not after dreaming of his roommate choking on his dick.

“Kav, what’s with you, you’ve barely touched anything” Alhaitham points out whilst taking a large bite on a mushroom out of the ‘chicken and mushrooms’ skewer.

It just had to be a mushroom.

Kaveh can’t look him in the eye “Not very hungry, that’s all…” he makes up a lame excuse on the spot.

“You’re missing out” Alhaitham’s lips are touching it again, Kaveh can’t stand it, he’s not that strong. He stands up.

“I’m exhausted, sorry Haitham, I think I’ll call it a night.”

“Okay then, but you’ll be missing out on the specialty dish I’ve had delivered all the way from Fontaine.”

That piqued Kaveh’s interest “and that would be?”

Alhaitham joyfully pulls out a piece of what looks like quite the ordinary bread. Only long. “The baguette!”

Kaveh hates his life.

“Yeah, no, I’ll pass,” Kaveh stumbles on a chair on his way out, “thank you though.” He’s way more flustered than he’s ought to be, he practically runs out of the room, silently hoping his roommate didn’t think him odd in any way.

He hastily throws his clothes on the nearby chair and dives into bed, completely covering himself with the blanket. He looks down.

Well, Fuck indeed.

Perhaps it’s all the accumulating stress from being completely broke, overworked and having your roommate disappear on you. Maybe it’s about vivid dreams of lips and cocks and throats. Probably it has at least a little something to do with the phallic-food festival that insensitive asshole pulls out of nowhere, and the audacity to eat in front of him.

But the cause matters little. It doesn’t change the facts. The embarrassing truth…

Kaveh’s hard.

When was the last time he touched himself? Kaveh’s hand is hesitant going down, grabbing a hold on himself through the light underpants, stroking once. It’s good, he wants to do it more. Was the lack of touch the cause of his strange dreams?

He thrusts his hips into his fist once and then once again, careful not to let any moans escape him. Kaveh can’t help but imagine Haitham’s lewd expressions when he was happily choking on his dick last night. The palm of his hand is hot, his breaths are hot, and the roommate in his mind is ridiculously hot. He comes in an instant.

“Kav?”

He feels his pants damp, his heart pounding hard against his ribcage and his voice stuck in his throat. He grunts in response from under the blanket, full of shame.

His head is exposed to the chill air “are you sure you’re okay? You’ve left in a rush.”

He looks up just to meet the same pair of emerald eyes from his dream, looking down on him with sincere concern.

Oh please, keep the blanket at this level.

“Not feeling well” Kaveh manages with difficulty, hoping it would be enough for him to let him be.

What he did not expect was Alhaitham squatting right beside him, bringing his lips down on his burning with shame and guilt forehead.

“You’re hot,” no, you are, that’s the issue “shall I make you some tea? Bring you a cold cloth? Some painkillers maybe?” Why, why must he be so perceptive?

“No, I just need to sleep it off, if you don’t mind…” Kaveh shakes him off.

“Very well, sleep well, Kav,” he fixes the blanket around him “but don’t forget to breathe, keep your head out.”

Sure, 'breathe,' easy for you to say.

---

“ Ahh —” A familiar voice breaks through a haze, “Kaveh, please ”

Alhaitham is in front of him, no, under him , his face is flushed and he’s asking, begging for something.

Kaveh looks down, he’s already in . How did it come to it? When did this happen?

This is not how he imagined it.

But maybe it doesn’t matter?

Kaveh carefully pushes in, his hands on his friend’s hips.

He feels the body under his shudder, and yet it’s so warm and welcoming. Alhaitham’s smile is that of relief and pure bliss.

He looks at him and suddenly he doesn’t care for rights and wrongs, for how and when. It matters not how it’s come to this or where would they go from here. He just wants to oblige and to burn this face in his mind forever.

He loves him.

He loves him so.

He wants him to feel it.

He wants to mix the hurt and the adoration, the pleasure and pain. Kaveh thinks of sleepless nights of worries and tears but also of how lonely he’s been, how much he’s missed him. The gentle way Haitham’s been whispering his name when he thought he didn’t listen, the sole, soft kiss Kaveh should’ve treasured instead of excusing…

Kaveh rolls his hips back before slowly pushing back in. Alhaitham is going to feel it. He’ll make sure of it, he’ll…

---

Oh.

So that’s it?

Kaveh’s lying awake, still processing his most recent dream. He doesn’t think he can ignore his pounding heart or the pain in his chest anymore.

He prides himself to be a man that goes after his heart’s desires. That’s how he ended up broke and essentially homeless, that’s also how he found himself in a strange cohabitation with his best friend.

He’s only taken commissions he thought were worth a damn, he’s only been eating food that met his standards, he’s been studying and researching only the things that were of interest to him…

So why was it so counterintuitive to follow his heart on this one?

It hurts.

He’s tired. He just wants to sleep well for once, but apparently it’s not an ability he’s retained, being alone.

Kaveh gets up, approaching his roommate’s bed, their bed , the one they’ve shared for long enough, one he’s grown familiar with.

“Kav?” Alhaitham’s still awake, good.

“Make space” He commands.

“Huh?” Alhaitham seems confused, but not unwilling.

“Just— Just let it happen, okay?”

“Sure, come over” Alhaitham lifts his own blanket up just to reveal his naked self.

Oh right. He sleeps naked. Exactly what’s been missing to fuck Kaveh’s poor mind up completely.

“I’ll bring my own, thanks” Kaveh grumbles as he escapes to the safe area of his own bed, completely flushed. He’s quite sure he saw Haitham smirking at his misery too, that asshole.

Kaveh returns to lie down beside his roommate, his back turned to him.

If he’d see his face, he’d just know , and Kaveh can’t have it. Not right now, not yet.

“Good night, Kav.” Alhaitham whispers at his back, his hand firm on his shoulder.

“Yeah, night…” Kaveh responds.

 

The next morning Alhaitham would wake up to an empty bed, with no sign that his roommate’s ever lived there. 

---

 

Notes:

My dear friend Emma drew the baguette scene, isn't it just glorious?? 🥰

90%+ of y'all voted to make this fic Explicit. I truly respect your horny 🤣❤️
This chapter's been a bit tricky because canon doesn't reveal much about the dreams and Akashas systems, but I guess I just rolled with what was known to us. I don't like straying too much away from canon. 🙃🙂

As always, please share your thoughts with me, I love screaming about those two dumbasses! ❤️

Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰
&Thank you Julz for your alpha-reading ♥

Chapter 7: tail as old as time

Summary:

The messy pile of clothes is gone from the chair it’s been accumulating on, there’s not a single claymore scattered anywhere, no little trinkets and hairclips he got so used to can be found in the bathroom either…

Kaveh's sudden departure leaves his roommate hurt and confused, but perhaps an old acquaintance can help him sort his mess of a mind out.

Notes:

Kaveh ditched us (and Alhaitham) the last chapter, so now I ditch his POV and give it to our favorite feeble scholar. 😌

Alhaitham wakes up to an empty bed and can immediately tell that something’s missing, “Kaveh?” he calls into the empty house but receives no answer. 

The messy pile of clothes is gone from the chair it’s been accumulating on, there’s not a single claymore scattered anywhere on the floor, and no little trinkets and hairclips he got so used to can be found in the bathroom either…

To say there is no sign his roommate has ever lived there would be a gross overestimation, though.

The undone bed stands abandoned in the corner, the crumpled sheets indicate a recent usage. The spare key Alhaitham made especially for him, the one with the little lion keychain he strapped on because Kaveh kept on mixing them up, left hanging by the front door. The same front door he didn’t even have the decency to lock while hurrying away.

So typical.

Worst of all, Alhaitham couldn’t ignore the mess Kaveh’s left in his mind and in the depths of his soul.

So yes, to say there is no sign he’s ever lived there, would be nothing but a dramatic exaggeration, really, why would one even think it might be so?

Alhaitham sighs deeply as he fixes up the mess left behind, at least the tangible one. 

His heart’s heavy but what can be done? If that’s Kaveh’s answer to his advances he should accept it. Was it predictable? Sure. Nonetheless it stings more than he could have anticipated. It irks him. He shouldn’t be feeling as upset about a well calculated outcome, yet here he stands, broken and alone, wanting to crawl right in the messy bed.

It’s tempting. His smell probably lingers still, he could just turn his Akasha off and drift, he bets it would be more pleasant than whatever this day could possibly bring. Unfortunately, Alhaitham can’t do so. He has a work day ahead, and a meeting at night, he should try and focus. He just wishes that at least the painful throb in his heart would cease.

---

Alhaitham excuses himself early from work, telling everyone he’s meeting up with an acquaintance downtown, which isn’t entirely untrue. Tighnari is indeed an acquaintance and the pub they agreed on is indeed downtown. The only inconsistency to his cover-story is that it’s still too early for that. If he has to be entirely honest, he just doesn’t feel like working. For the first time in a long while he feels like he simply can’t concentrate on anything.

The sun hasn’t even completely set as he reaches the pub, but it’s okay, he can just wait for Tighnari there, not like he has anything waiting for him at home.

At first, Alhaitham doubted Tighnari’s choice of a secret-meeting spot, given how popular this particular place was, but because it was so loud and lively it actually proved to be a surprisingly good place for private conversations. Having Tighnari’s ears was a big plus in that regard as well.

Alhaitham opens the heavy door to be welcomed by live piano music, giddy chatter and loud, unrestrained laughter. “Haitham!” He hears his name called from a corner, and he looks up to see the fox waving him over. People here sure have it easy, hitting the pub before sunset on a workday, he observes, as he makes his way to the table on the far right.

“You’re early.” Alhaitham pulls a chair to Tighnari’s side.

“ You’re early.” Tighnari smiles, sliding one of the two cups in front of him to Alhaitham.

“Thanks. How?”

“Let’s just say I had a hunch.” Alhaitham can’t read his smile, “yours is alcohol-free, by the way.”

“Did I tell you my preferences of beverages?” Alhaitham quirks an eyebrow at him, impressed.

“Another hunch.” The fox takes a long sip of his own cider “How have you been, Alhaitham?” They agreed in advance to always start their conversations with small talk. No matter how much it made Alhaitham suffer, it made perfect sense. This way they could lower their suspiciousness levels for the regular pub-goers surrounding them, and if there was a person who’d listen in with ill intentions, Tighnari’s ears wouldn’t miss that a couple of minutes in. They had a code-phrase for that case-scenario.

“Not bad.” Alhaitham dawdles under the studying look of Tighnari, understanding that won’t cut it. “Work’s been tough on my health lately, I took a few days off, a couple of times. All better now” redundant as it is, Alhaitham plays along, “How are you, Tighnari?”

“All good, the forests are quite peaceful nowadays, thanks to the traveler’s helping hand.” Tighnari rotates his cup in his hands, looking fascinated by the little waves his motion causes. He then looks up, as if startled by a passing thought “Oh, I wanted to take this chance and apologize for the last time I was in town.”

“Apologize?” Alhaitham’s confused look is completely genuine.

“Yes, I hope I didn’t get you in trouble with your… Boyfriend?” He gives him a mischievous look.

Alhaitham stares blankly at him, trying to process and find a retort.

“Although your sofa looks quite comfortable, I still hope you weren’t sent to sleep in the living room” Tighnari chuckles, taking another sip of his drink.

“He’s not a ‘boyfriend’, he’s—” Alhaitham is quick to deny, maybe a bit quicker than he intended. Now he’s not sure what to say, what was Kaveh to him exactly? A roommate? A freeloader? His best friend on whom he’s had a crush for years? All those feel like they can’t describe their relationship well enough, “a friend.” Alhaitham settles, his voice shaky.

“Oh, I’m sorry I just assumed—” Tighnari starts, looking honestly surprised, but he gets cut short.

“It’s a long story, the one of the single bed you’ve witnessed, and a very silly one too.” Alhaitham sighs “At any rate, it isn’t so anymore.”

“Oh, I was actually referring to the death-glares I’ve received on my way out, but good, interesting point,” the fox grins at him, “please, do tell.”

He wishes he could just disappear, “please, forget everything I’ve said.” Alhaitham tries to hide his fluster behind a large chug on his drink. He doesn’t feel like the fox is impressed though.

“Don’t sweat it, Haitham, I don’t think he’ll stay your ‘friend’ for long.” Alhaitham knows his rapid heartbeat gave him away long before, but nonetheless he’s thankful that Tighnari adds “if that’s your wish, of course, I don’t mean to meddle” right after.

Alhaitham sighs, a long one, Tighnari lightly pats him on the shoulder in support. No use to deny it now “I don’t think he’s interested in me, in this sense” he admits.

Tighnari’s ears perk up in surprise “What makes you think that?”

“It’s useless,” Alhaitham wishes he didn’t sound as defeated when he speaks. So shameful. “I’ve hit on him countless times. I’ve made us sleep in the same bed with an excuse so lame I can’t even speak of, I’ve taught him how to polish swords. Bi-directionally, okay? Who does that?” Alhaitham hears his voice hoarse, and his throat starts aching. He isn’t used to those emotional bursts, he could do well without them… “I took care of him, I trust in him and hell, I’ve even kissed him once. I know he wasn’t asleep, I know of breathing patterns… He deliberately chose to pretend it didn't happen.”

Tighnari keeps on patting his shoulder, letting him get it all out. Alhaitham is thankful for it.

“I told him I was attracted to men, you know? He’s the only one I’ve ever told.” Well, now Tighnari as well, but what does it matter… In fact it feels good to lay it in front of an outsider. “He took it well, but he made no further comments on that. Nothing.” He coughs and looks away, “Kaveh is a smart guy, there is no way he hasn’t caught up to it, if he chooses to ignore it, it simply means he displays his disinterest” and tries to protect Alhaitham’s pride, probably.

“But Alhaitham, love makes the smartest of men into complete fools,” Tighnari takes a long sip on his fizzy drink, nodding knowingly “you, of all people, should know.”

“The smartest…” Alhaitham squints at him, suspicious “Even you and General Mahamatra?”

“Yes.” The answer is automatic, but Tighnari catches his slip and continues, flushed up, “Wait, how…?”

“Just the way you talk about him?” Alhaitham offers.

Tighnari raises an ear at him, his eyebrow quirked.

“I mean, when you speak of Cyno, your voice gets calmer, your ears do that thing where they cease being as pointy and alert…” Alhaitham points at the general area of the fox’ ears that are quite perky at the given moment “And you smile. Even if you think you manage to conceal it, you just seem more relaxed, that’s all.”

Tighnari smiles, looking amused by Alhaitham’s observations “So that’s how it is… No harm in telling you about my general and I, then” he purrs, leaning in closer. His ears do a 180^o, fall back and right to the front again, checking on their surroundings. 

“We used to hang out with the same group of friends back in our Akademiya days, but we’ve never really had a chance to converse,” Tighnari’s look nostalgic “I just knew his name was Cyno, and that he was exactly my type, before I even knew what ‘types’ were, really” he giggles.

“One day I went to the library, Cyno and our other friend, Lisa, were there before I arrived. I was about to come in and let my presence be known, only then I heard Cyno asking Lisa how could he impress his crush.” Tighnari pauses, creating a suspension. He is a really good storyteller, Alhaitham notes. “I didn’t mean to spy on them, but it was Cyno’s crush they were talking about! My ears also left me with no choice.”

“With my back against the door and with my ears perked up I listened in. ‘Don’t take it the wrong way, but you come across as hard to approach, intimidating even’ I heard Lisa saying, ‘try to crack a joke, show them your lighter side. Make them laugh!’ she implored.”

“Later that day, Cyno greeted me at lunch. I was startled, thought he’s noticed something odd, maybe he knew I was listening on their private conversation.” Tighnari chuckles into his fist, clearly highly amused, “but then he deadpan asks me if I knew sign language. Before I had to chance to answer that yes, I’ve indeed taken a course, he blurts ‘I find it pretty handsy!’”

“I just stood there, looking baffled, probably. I didn’t know how to react at all!” Tighnari looks like he’s trying his hardest not to burst into laughter “Cyno didn’t give me a chance to recover, he just kept on talking ‘let me explain’ he said, his facial expression unchanged ‘in sign language you use hand gestures’ he signed ‘ I love you’ as an example.”

“And then I lost it, I didn’t know if he was making fun of me or if he was simply awkward like this, but the situation was just too much, he was too much! I laughed until there were tears in my eyes, I hugged my stomach because it hurt from laughing… And Cyno, he smiled a tiny smile and it was the most precious thing. I felt my heart skip a beat right there.” The reminiscence of such warm memories shone through Tighnari’s soft expressions, Alhaitham wondered if he’d ever talk about anything with such fondness.

“And then you started dating?”

“No way, we became friends. With time, even best friends.”

“But you said you overheard him saying he’d try to hit on the person he likes with those… Charming moves?”

“You’re not following, Alhaitham,” Tighnari jokingly shakes his head from side to side, “people in love are stupid” the corners of his mouth curve upwards in a playful way. “I was thinking he meant someone else, since I came to notice how he’s always trying to make everyone around him laugh, how he’s always the one to try and make the atmosphere lighter in his quirky, unique way. I guess I simply saw how much of a great guy he is… And I was jealous of the unnamed crush for almost a year.”

“General Mahamatra didn’t try anything else for months?” Alhaitham may not have been personally acquainted with Cyno, but he’s heard of his cunning personality. It doesn’t seem like he would just sit and wait on the sidelines.

“Oh trust me he did… We went out together, just the two of us, plenty of times. We studied together all the time and he always had excuses to hang out in the library with me, while I was doing extracurricular studies on plants. Cyno always made sure I was comfortable and having a good time, I don’t have a good enough excuse for the way my teenage mind was wired back then. I could at least notice something when he took me on a surprise trip for the Lanterns Rite Festival in Liyue...”

“Seriously?” Alhaitham finds it hard to believe that the smartest person he knows could ever misread such clear signs.

“Trust me, it’s not the stupidest I’ve got.” Tighnari reassures.

“Enlighten me then” Alhaitham finds himself way more invested in Tighnari’s story than he anticipated.

“Hmm…” Tighnari holds his chin, his gaze vague “I think my brightest moment was indeed in Liyue,” he proclaims, sarcastically “right before the festival.”

“Do tell.” Alhaitham finds himself amused.

“Right before we went to see the lanterns, Cyno brought some traditional Liyue wear for us to coordinate at the festival. He looked adorable in the long blue robes, the pattern was of lovely goldfish, I remember it well.” Tighnari takes a moment to reminisce before he giddily continues “My tail though, it was incompatible with the robes, I looked silly wearing them. I told as much to Cyno through the closed bathroom door, but he insisted I stop hiding and show him.”

“For a second there I thought he wanted to make fun of me, I even felt hurt.” Tighnari moves his empty glass away as he speaks, gesturing for another “But it was silly of me. The moment I came out, Cyno looked at me like he was in awe. It was really, the look of pure adoration.”

The waiter comes back with a full glass to replace Tighnari’s empty one, he thanks the waiter and takes a few gulps before continuing “And what ran through my mind? I felt bad for Cyno’s ‘special someone’ because I selfishly took Cyno away from them on those festive days, because I had the audacity to be delighted by the way Cyno looked at me.”

“Wow…” Alhaitham can’t contain his bewilderment.

“Yes. Wow.” Tighnari agrees, chuckling.   

“So in the end… How?” Alhaitham dares to ask the question he’s been itching to ask.

“Cyno’s had enough of my ignorance, and asked me to stay behind in class one day. He waited until everyone was gone and closed the classroom door. I remember asking him if everything was okay, because he looked nervous, his heart beat so fast too, you know how I can hear it, right?”

Alhaitham moves anxiously in his chair, reminded of how his ‘secret’ was out before he was willing. Tighnari takes it as an affirmation.

“Cyno approached me, and asked, ‘do you remember the first joke I told you?’ and of course I did. I told him as much, that it was the one with the sign-language, so he asked me if I remembered what did he gesture back then”

“I felt my heartbeat catching up with Cyno’s, ‘I love you,’ I told him, signing it as I spoke. He smiled the brightest of smiles at me ‘I love you too’ he said right before kissing me.” One could practically see the stars in the fox’ eyes by the end of the story.

“That’s… A lovely story.” Alhaitham gently brings Tighnari back to reality.

“Yeah, lovely…” Tighnari agrees “So you see, you need to be as clear as it gets.”

“It’s a bit of a problem though,” Alhaitham doesn’t get the cue of ‘needing a drink’ often, but right now he wishes his drink had been alcoholic instead “I couldn’t be direct, not while he was living under my roof, it wouldn’t be fair to him. I would never want to make him feel like he owes me something” He cringes at his own words, he hates the thought that it could’ve happened.

“I see, so it’s a more complicated situation than that of a couple of Akademiya boys,” Tighnari teases. He takes another sip of his drink “you’re a good guy, Haitham, but you play it safe.” 

Alhaitham raises an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, don’t you just go around it so you won’t get hurt?” Tighnari’s honesty stings, “he’s not going to stay your roommate forever, right?”

It is true, Alhaitham isn’t even sure that they are still roommates as they speak. It still pains him to think that perhaps Kaveh’s left for good. 

“Give him some time, perhaps?”

“He’s left,” Alhaitham confesses, “just yesterday, he didn’t say anything.”

“Did you have a fight?”

Alhaitham takes a moment to think back “No? Everything’s been pretty normal the last few days… Except that Kaveh was ignoring me on purpose, maybe.”

Tighnari smiles that know-it-all smile. It could’ve been read as condescending, but Alhaitham feels how empathetic the fox actually is, when he speaks his tone is soothing “Some time and space then. He’ll come around.”

“How do you know?” Alhaitham asks, because he’s honestly curious.

“I know a jealous man when I see one. He looked exactly how I felt, back when I thought Cyno had a special person, and that person wasn’t me.” He lightly taps on the back of his hand “Trust me.”

A long silence follows, it’s not uncomfortable though. Alhaitham is trying to process all this new information, to figure something out of all this logical nonsense… But it’s getting late, and he’s too tired to think.

“Thank you.” Alhaitham concludes.

“I’ll be rooting for you.” Tighnari rises up, pushing his chair away “Look at the time, we should head back. Work day tomorrow.”

“Wait but we didn’t—”

Tighnari sends a warning look his way “they are out of sunsettia cider here, let’s talk some other time.”

“Mhmm” Alhaitham hums, understanding they are not alone anymore. 

They part ways at the front door and Alhaitham sets on a path back home. The streets are eerily quiet, the moon barely brightens his way and although he did not drink anything, he feels dizzy.

He can’t believe he’s just spent the entire evening talking about such trivialities when the future of his nation was in question, what was he thinking? Did Tighnari notice something was odd long before?

He arrives home only to find it unlocked. Strange, if Kaveh’d come back he’d be stuck outside, he’s left his key behind. Alhaitham couldn’t forget to lock when he left this morning either, simply because of who he is as a person.

There is an uninvited guest inside, no doubt.

Alhaitham turns his Akasha off and silently enters the house, his hand on his sword. 

 

Notes:

- Yes, you've got me. I'm a huge simp for CynoNari!
- Sumeru has given me everything, CynoNari for my soul, Kavetham for my dick.
- 'Sunsettia cider' is their code-phrase for 'let's get the fuck outta here.' if it wasn't clear enough.
- If you cringed at Cyno's joke I've done my part. I worked hard.
- Please let me know your thoughts in the comments/hit me up of Twitter!
- Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone! ♥

Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰

Chapter 8: caution in confidence

Summary:

There's still much to discuss regarding Sumeru's future, but it's not all that's on the Scribe's mind at the given moment.

“Don’t put your sword away,” Alhaitham hears a hushed command from the back, “it would be wise to keep it at arm’s reach, just in case” an imposing figure follows, emerging from the shadows of the corridor.

Alhaitham’s startled by the immediate comment, thinking he didn’t make any noise sneaking in, but after a brief moment his surprise fades. Even in a room that’s barely lit by the moonlight, one cannot mistake the silhouette of General Mahamatra for another’s, and in this case he couldn't stay hidden even if he wished to.

Alhaitham heeds the advice and leaves his sword out “General” he acknowledges him, taking a calculated step closer. It’s his place, yet Cyno’s presence makes him question just how much is he allowed to speak or move. Perhaps it’s also the disarming fact that it’s the very same person he’s spent the whole evening discussing the romantic past of, suddenly appearing there, on his doorstep. 

Okay, not exactly a doorstep, more like the innermost part of his house, but same difference.

“The Great Scribe, Alhaitham, a pleasure,” he doesn’t waste more time on pleasantries and formalities after this “come on in, try to keep it down. No need for lights either.”

Alhaitham’s irked by the audacity of being invited into his own house, and even more so by the fact that his feet carry him inside, against his better will. The curiosity truly got the best of him. 

Cyno grabs a chair by the desk and sits down, gesturing for Alhaitham to do the same.

“What do I owe the pleasure to, general?” Alhaitham stops by the desk, his voice giving his irritation away.

“How much did Tighnari tell you?” Cyno asks.

“To sum it up?” Alhaitham clears his throat, pushing the irrelevant information he’s learned tonight to the back of his mind “nothing at all.” 

“I know you must have questions, Alhaitham, but we better wait for Tighnari.” Cyno crosses his arms on his chest, but even his distant façade can’t hide the way his voice softens when he utters the name. Alhaitham wonders if it’s a thing he’d notice if not for his recently acquired knowledge.

And of course Tighnari’s behind this, he should’ve guessed, and he’s going to join them soon according to Cyno. Alhaitham wonders just when this plot twist happened, and just how uncomfortable it would be to share a room with the two of them after listening to Tighnari gushing about Cyno for basically the whole evening.

He sits down beside the general, trying to fill the silence, just so he wouldn’t feel as awkward “How did you get in?”

“Through the front door” Cyno answers with a serious expression.

Alhaitham raises an eyebrow at him, “really?” he asks, his sarcastic tone is showing. 

“Just making some fun,” Cyno chuckles, “no need for the fuss” and the careless smile is gone from his face, as if it’s never been touched by it “You’re a well-informed man, I presume? I think there’s no need to elaborate on how your lock is barely an obstacle in this line of work…” he gestures towards the door “you can check it later, you won’t find a scratch” he uncrosses and crosses his legs back, giving Alhaitham a stern look.

“Of course… Dealing with a professional.” Alhaitham moves from side to side in his seat, waiting for Cyno to say something. It feels like he’s the only one to find the situation awkward, while Cyno simply sits there, not volunteering any additional information. “So…” Alhaitham breaks the silence after some time, unable to hold it in anymore “why is General Mahamatra himself is present?”

“On the Ranger’s orders,” Alhaitham finds the way Cyno addresses his boyfriend highly amusing, he’s not going to correct him on this one though “I was told the house is vacant the whole day, and it’s safer to stay hidden.”

Alhaitham’s look inquiring, but Cyno doesn’t look like he’s about to add anything. How did Tighnari know the house stands empty throughout the day, and why was he careful enough to leave the General as backup, would remain a mystery. At least for now.

Alhaitham’s expression wary when he hears his front door move on its axis, his hand doesn’t leave his unsheathed sword. “Excuse the intrusion” he hears a familiar, soft voice coming from down the hall, and eases his hold on the hilt.

“I wasn’t followed, but we should make it quick,” Tighnari nods in Alhaitham’s direction, stopping right next to Cyno’s seat. He lightly squeezes Cyno’s shoulder, making him move back, and look at him in surprise. Tighnari gives him a meaningful look back, and Cyno’s eyes open wide for a moment, his lips curving up the tiniest bit in a smile.

‘It’s okay, he’s aware, we don’t have to try as hard,’ Alhaitham imagines the meaning of Tighnari’s look, ‘ good, I don’t enjoy pretending’ he thinks Cyno’s answer is.

He hopes it’s purely observational and not his imagination running wild.

“To keep it brief, you’re heading to the desert first thing in the morning and Cyno will meet you there, Alhaitham. Not too early, let some people see you strolling around.” Tighnari’s voice hurried, sharp, very unlike his usual soothing tone.

Alhaitham’s brow twitches, Tighnari’s excuse of an explanation is far from satisfying, he still feels like he’s left in the dark, “if I’m to meet the general tomorrow morning, what is the purpose of the three of us meeting here tonight?” 

“The Akademiya, they’ve got people everywhere in this city, the pub as well” Tighnari’s voice a notch above a whisper, yet in the quiet of the night he’s heard loud and clear “I suspected it might be the case, so I asked Cyno to stick around.”

Doesn’t explain Cyno’s break in , Alhaitham thinks, but says nothing. He hums in response instead.

“There’s a plot,” Tighnari hesitates, looking around before whispering “to create a fake God.” His ears flatten back, against his scalp, He looks anxious “I hoped Cyno could relay the details to you if I was…” he looks at Cyno, a sparkle of guilt escapes him “if I couldn’t make it.”

“I see.” Alhaitham stops himself from asking follow-up questions, understanding just how fragile and grave the situation is. He tries a more light-hearted approach instead “not going to discuss this break-in into my residence then?” 

“No, we’re keeping it brief” Tighnari retorts. Albeit his grim exterior, his tone seems more relaxed as he continues “Act surprised when you meet up tomorrow.” He runs his hand on the General’s shoulder as he speaks. “Some people we can trust, some are… Questionable.” He finishes with a tightened grip.

Alhaitham coughs, centering the attention around him once more “if that is all,” He turns to face the General, “Cyno, I get I’ll be seeing more of you in the foreseeable future”  

“Will be looking forward to it,” Cyno answers as he gets up “I’ll be heading to the desert first then, Tighnari,” he takes his hand, squeezing it for a brief moment, “Alhaitham” Cyno nods in his direction, before heading out. 

Tighnari doesn’t say much but his low, facing out ears, and the smile that wouldn’t reach his eyes give him away.

“Not heading out together, then?” Alhaitham gently disperses the sudden heavy atmosphere that follows Cyno’s departure.

He springs up, startled “Ah yes, no. I’ll be heading back to the forest now, in a minute. Just making sure there’s no sign of peril from Cyno’s direction.” Tighnari’s ears turn up and front, screening the general direction of the path to the desert “Thank you, Haitham” he turns to leave, but hesitates “good luck” he adds, not turning around “and take care…” Alhaitham doesn’t find it in himself to reply.

He watches Tighnari’s back as he leaves. Even in the dimly lit room his silhouette looks somewhat hunched, his usually perky tail somehow dragged behind, lifeless. Alhaitham wonders if he should’ve perhaps given them a moment of privacy. Tighnari doesn’t know when he will see his lover again, if he will see him again.

Alhaitham shakes his head to chase this depressing thought away. There’s a long day ahead, he should get in bed soon.

Only getting in bed doesn’t help him to prevent his head from running wild. He thinks of the one blonde architect that shared this bed with him, just last night. He can’t help but wonder, why did he run away? Is what Tighnari assumes about Kaveh’s actual feelings true, or was he just making conversation? Will he live to see him again and find out?

He hates how he left without a word, he despises the feeling of being left behind… But his personal feelings aside, it’s also a great relief. Kaveh’s safer away from him, it hurts to admit, but it’s better this way. He’s been trying to keep him away from the mess he’s gotten himself into, so he should just be happy about it.

He should.

But he isn’t.

Tighnari’s little, sad smile flashes before his eyes, strumming on the strings of his heart.

All of Sumeru is in peril but Alhaitham can only think of Kaveh.

Shameful, really.

---

Judging by the moonlight, it’s probably around midnight, and Alhaitham is not any closer to being asleep than he was two hours ago.

What if he does fuck up, what if he really won’t return from his mission? It’s possible, perhaps even probable. Perhaps Tighnari and Cyno didn’t get a chance for a proper good-bye, but at least Tighnari wouldn’t have to live the rest of his life thinking Cyno disappeared on him without trace. It wasn’t Kaveh’s case, and Alhaitham was certain that if his mission indeed went wrong, no traces of him would be left behind.

Maybe a little written something would do, then, Alhaitham reasons. 

He gets up and grabs some ink, a quill pen and a piece of parchment. He rolls the quill between his fingers, thinking of the wording. It’s the same feather as the one Kaveh likes to decorate his braid with, he notes.

He hates his mind sometimes.

‘To whom it may concern’ he starts, and then immediately trashes the poor piece of paper. No way in hell he’d start it with ‘To whom it may concern’ what the hell, this is not a work-related letter.

‘Dear Kaveh’ and he stops right there once more, feeling, for the lack of better words, cringed out. He never called him ‘dear’ before, it would be weird to start now.

‘If you’re reading this, then I’m probably already dead’ he drops his quill, his head between his hands. This sucks. Everything sucks. He didn’t think it would be this hard to write a brief explanation, but it was. It feels like a goodbye. Alhaitham isn’t ready for it.

It can’t be too personal in case it falls into the wrong hands. He can’t say where he’s headed, he can’t explain why he’s leaving. He can’t even mention Kaveh’s name in case it would be used against him.

A dozen crumpled pieces of parchment tossed in a fireplace, paint the room with the faintest of lights as they burn away. Alhaitham settles on one. He is not exactly satisfied, but it won’t get any better.

He folds it twice and sighs, looking at his efforts going down in flames. Not much, but better than nothing at all. He slowly paces towards Kaveh’s new bed, but stops midway. It’s distant, abandoned. It doesn’t even have a pillow, where would he put it?

Alhaitham strolls back to his own corner, where their bed stands. He hesitates for a moment but then he lifts up the pillow Kaveh left next to his own, and tucks his note under it. He shoves the pillow over it with force, as if it might suffocate the embarrassing feeling along with the ruffle of the crumbling paper.

He should leave the key under the pot, he thinks then, walking towards the front door. The spare key’s on him like it was for the whole day. If he gets robbed, be it. It’s not like there’s anything irreplaceable in his house, not anymore.

Looking around to make sure he’s alone, he carefully lifts up the planter of Sumeru roses Kaveh planted ‘for the aesthetics’ and because he ‘couldn’t have the entrance to the house to be as tasteless,’ and puts the key underneath it.

Alhaitham sighs as he gets back inside, feeling his mind in a swirl. Is he being silly and overly dramatic about the whole situation? He knows he should clear his mind and focus on his mission, only his mind doesn’t comply. 

He’s anxious about not seeing Kaveh ever again, almost as much as having to face him upon his return. He’s afraid he’ll have to deal with what? Rejection, anger, disappointment? As long as Kaveh’s safe now, he thinks he can handle it, but damn, why must his heart pound as much when he’s thinking about the possibilities. He doesn’t even know what’s logical anymore, his head aches.

He should rest. It’s not like there’s much time left anyway.

Notes:

The update's finally here! It took longer than usual, I know, blame the holidays.😂
With this we're done with the detour of Alhaitham's POV, which was surprisingly fun to write. I admit I enjoy bullying him. Next time we're back to Kaveh's POV and very obvious gay panics.🙂🙃

Thank you for your input Julz♥
Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰

Chapter 9: Fellas, is it gay to run away in panic?

Summary:

He can’t handle this right now. He can’t impose his selfish feelings on the man who took him in when he has lost everything. If he rejects him, then what? He goes back to being homeless and hopeless. But there’s no way Haitham would reject him, Kaveh knows it. Because that’s just how Alhaitham is – kind and caring and thoughtful, even if Alhaitham is always the first one to deny it. Kaveh’d still have a roof over his head, but at what price? He doesn’t want Alhaitham’s sympathy, he wants to come clear as an equal.

Kaveh does the only reasonable thing left to do, and gay panics out of the picture.
For now.

Notes:

We're a couple of days back, and we return to Kaveh's POV, like I promised. 😅

It’s still dark. Kaveh doesn’t need to open his eyes to know so. He turns in his bed to face his peacefully sleeping roommate. Although Kaveh’s eyes are shut still, he can hear him breathing evenly, undisturbed.

He knows he still has a few comfortable hours to spend cozy in bed, next to Alhaitham, but the urge to go to the bathroom has gotten the best of him. Kaveh grumbles, cuddling deeper into his blanket. How dares this bodily function disturb him so? Whoever that was that told him to stay hydrated before bed clearly had it wrong.

Begrudgingly, he opens his eyes. As expected, his roommate is sound asleep right next to him. He looks so peaceful, so vulnerable… He caresses his cheek, Alhaitham doesn’t move an inch, only lightly munching on his lower lip in his sleep.

Kaveh wishes he was as cute when awake.

Unwillingly, he gets up and goes to the bathroom, making enough ruckus to wake anyone but his roommate up on his way. When he gets back he sits down on the edge of the bed, dawdling for no reason. He should get up and leave, he had a resolution.

He can’t handle this right now. He can’t impose his selfish feelings on the man who took him in when he has lost everything. If he rejects him, then what? He goes back to being homeless and hopeless. But there’s no way Haitham would reject him, Kaveh knows it. Because that’s just how Alhaitham is – kind and caring and thoughtful, even if Alhaitham is always the first one to deny it. Kaveh’d still have a roof over his head, but at what price? He doesn’t want Alhaitham’s sympathy, he wants to come clear as an equal.

He can’t be a burden, so he should go, but the gravity that’s pulling him to stay in bed is forceful. Right here is the most ‘at home’ he’s ever felt. If he could only explain himself to Alhaitham, it would’ve been easier, if he could only tell him he’s going to be temporarily gone…

How would Alhaitham feel when he wakes up to an empty house? Kaveh swallows hard, weighted by guilt. He has a hard time picturing a hurt Alhaitham, but that is indeed a possibility. But that wouldn’t be the worst outcome, right? The worst would be for him to get on with his life as if it was just another day. Maybe he’d even be glad about all this quiet and free space in the house. It hurts Kaveh to think of it, so he doesn’t. 

With a heavy heart, Kaveh gets up, stroking Alhaitham’s face one final time as he distances himself.

Wake up, please, wake up and stop me, he prays to the wind, but nothing happens, thank the Archons.

He hastily packs up, it’s not like he’s got many possessions on hand anyways. Some clothes, a weapon of choice, his favorite decorative feather, the hairclips… He stops, looking down at his spare key. He treasured the sentiment of having a place to call his own despite the fact he had to share it, but the little lion keychain Alhaitham got him… That was his one true treasure.

He hesitates, amused, thinking of Alhaitham’s possible reactions of waking up to an unlocked house, but hangs his key along with the keychain by the door anyways. He can’t leave gaps for missteps.

They can’t go back anymore, but it’s for the best.

He bids farewell to the house and the person that made it a home, and sets off.

Only he finds quite quickly that he has absolutely zero idea where to go.

It’s not like he has no job options, mind you. He’s refused commissions from all over Teyvat, they just weren’t worth a damn. But for now, just to get away from here and sort his head out he could compromise on his ideals, and take on a job that was beneath him. 

But where should he go? There’s always plenty of work in the recovering nation of Inazuma, he reasons. Even an ocean across, the people have heard of him and his achievements, but it’s quite a pain getting there, considering his insufficient funds. Then Liyue, maybe? Sure, their style is appealing, but it differs greatly from his own. He’s not in the right mindset to try anything new… So Fontaine? At the very least he knows the baguettes there look nice. Could be his chance to try them…

Pondering, Kaveh aimlessly roams the dusky streets, feeling somewhat comforted by the familiarity of the sleepy town. That until he bumps into a figure that isn’t surprised at all to see him, damn his ears.

“The renowned Architect, Kaveh,” Tighnari acknowledges him, “haven’t had the pleasure to properly introduce myself the last time” he smiles “Tighnari. A pleasure.”

Kaveh’s smile is as fake as a gesture can get when he greets him back “Forest Ranger Tighnari, I’ve heard much about you, nice to meet you at this… Ungodly hour” it feels like he’s annoyed on reflex at this point. Kaveh reminds himself that he has, in fact, zero reasons to act hostile. He feels a little bad about his childish attitude, but it seems like Tighnari doesn’t mind. 

“Oh yes, an ungodly hour indeed,” Tighnari agrees, looking amused “I guess I’m a little early for my meeting with an acquaintance, that’s traveling at night for you,” He shrugs “will have a couple of hours to kill, I guess.”

“Oh” Kaveh is not sure how to continue this conversation, when he notices the fox is checking his baggage out.

“Heading out to the desert?” He proposes “I’ve heard of the project there, heard no rumors of the light of Kshahrewar joining forces with the team though.”

Perfect . The desert is close enough for him to stay informed, yet isolated enough for him to get the peace of mind he craves.

“Yes, that’s where I’m heading to, to…” actually, he hasn’t heard of anything going on in their area, how embarrassing.

“Caravan Ribat?” Tighnari helps.

“Yes, exactly.”

“Hope the Scribe won’t get too lonely with you gone?” Tighnari sneaks a sly smile in.

“Please, him?” Kaveh scoffs, “he’s been spending day and night at the Akademiya, he’ll be too busy with work to even notice I’m gone” he lets his concern slide.

“So he doesn’t—” Tighnari’s cut mid sentence.

“I didn’t bother him with my affairs,” Kaveh quickly goes for a save “it’s not for long either. I’ll bring back something nice from the desert, it’ll suffice” he isn’t exactly sure why he feels the need to provide explanations and excuses, while he wasn’t even cornered for those. This fox is truly disarming.

“I’ve been there recently!” Tighnari happily declares “they’ve got the best sunsettia cider this year, you should try it if you’re there already. Maybe bring some back for the Scribe to enjoy as well” he boldly suggests with a smile.

“Alhaitham doesn’t consume alcohol” ah, here it is again, why couldn’t he just nod and end this conversation. He bets the Ranger doesn’t even really want to hear about his roommate, he’s just being polite.

“I see… Well then,” the fox grins “plenty of sparkly jewelry and such at the market, I bet the team would be more than glad to show you around.”

“Yeah. Thanks'' He lightly sways from side to side, thinking of an escape before he relays too much. Tighnari gives it to him before he has the chance to add anything.

“Well then, you’re probably in a hurry, I delayed your journey quite enough” Tighnari’s smile as friendly as always, ears perky on his head “please say hi to Railah, she’s an old acquaintance, and she’ll be working with you.”

“Yeah, better get going,” well, now he truly has no choice but to head to the desert. He told Tighnari way too much “have a nice stay in town.”

“Thank you, and good luck!” Tighnari giddily wishes as he departs.  

So the desert it is then… Kaveh hopes it’s not one of those projects that take over a month just to plan out. He also hopes it’s not a terrible abomination that would ruin his good name as Akademiya’s renowned architect. 

Kaveh’s journey proves to be uneventful, and he finds the team with quite the ease. It’s not exactly a problem to get on board with the project either. The team is welcoming to say the least, not suspecting any ulterior motives from the architect’s side whatsoever. After they get over the initial shock that the light of Kshahrewar is taking interest in their measly, insignificant project, Kaveh actually takes a better look at the proposed designs and finds them not bad at all. Sure, it’s a work in progress, but that’s what he’s here for! Besides, it has way more potential than anything Inazuma or Fontaine had to offer.

It’s a good start, not having to put his ambitious career at risk, although from his desperation, he was willing to compromise if needed. Kaveh has to admit that he’s not entirely sure what he would’ve done if the project’s been shit though.

The team is small, but it’s full of young, promising talents. Railah, Tighnari’s friend, is indeed there to help them get started. She is delighted to hear from Tighnari, and upon learning that Kaveh and Tighnari are acquainted, she makes it her mission to make him feel at home. She’s successful too. Kaveh feels like he’s been with them all along, which is quite the achievement for he’s been with them for maybe half an hour. 

They brainstorm their ideas throughout the day, and before they know it it’s already dinner time. Ma’asudi, a local researcher that volunteered his time to better explain their surroundings, points it out.

“We should grab a bite then!” Railah enthusiastically gets up. Her energy reminds Kaveh of Tighnari so much.

“I heard the sunsettia cider is exquisite in these parts” Kaveh suggests, remembering Tighnari’s words.

“It really is!” she literally jumps at this suggestion “come on now team, last night in the civilization. Tomorrow night we will spend in Aaru village, and after that it’s sands, sands and sands for at least a week!”

“Doesn’t Aaru village count as ‘civilization’?” Kaveh asks, amused.

“Ehhh barely? It’s our last chance to have some fun before we have to work hard, better make the most out of it!”

Her enthusiasm is contagious, and Kaveh finds himself dragged along, laughing and having a good time with his new acquaintances. He almost completely manages to forget for a moment why he is there in the first place, and to stop his mind rewinding back to Alhaitham, the feelings he might have, and how he’s abandoned him.

“Hey, what’s with the long face?” Ma’asudi raises his glass of cider to cling with his own, just the moment Kaveh’s lost in his head for a second.

He clings to the cheers around the table “It’s nothing,” he fakes a carefree smile “just tired I guess.” Kaveh empties his glass in a chug and gets up “I’ll head to the inn, then. See you all in the morning.”

He leaves to friendly, gently protesting boos, and drunken haze of his teammates. He might’ve forgotten to pay but it would be weird to march right back in. Must be fate. 

It’s good, he’s happy, he’s doing something to distract himself and he’s succeeding. 

So why must he feel this throb in his chest when he thinks back on the roommate he’s left behind? So uncalled for, he’s done this for both of their sakes. For his own to sort his feelings out, for Haitham’s as not to burden him with uncertainties and frivolous intentions. Alhaitham is the greatest person he knows, albeit his shitty personality. He deserves the best guy there is, and can Kaveh really be him?

---

They don’t rise up with the sun, nor do they hurry to leave for Aaru village. Half the team are down with a throbbing headache so they take it easy that morning, dawdling before setting off.

It’s well past noon when they finally arrive and settle in the local inn in Aaru village. It’s nothing fancy but Kaveh appreciates the cleverly designed interior, clearly made for both keeping the sand out and letting the rare cool breeze in.

After a brief deliberation they decide to meet up for restocking on supplies and tying open ends of the upcoming project after sunset. Some were still feeling ill and were craving a nap, some wanted to acknowledge themselves better with their surroundings and weather conditions. Kaveh doesn’t care much for either, but finds himself pretty fascinated with the designs’ style. As poor as the village might seem in the first place, its houses are actually designed with much thought, and have a good strategic value hiding behind the plain exterior.

He wants to learn more, even if from a purely academic stance. Kaveh wishes the rest of the team a good rest and sets off, not before promising he’ll be back by sunset. They insisted on it; it seems like the team still doesn’t trust its own luck of getting such a talent involved in their little project.

Kaveh wanders the streets for a little while, greeting the locals and asking around for remarkable constructions he could inspect. As everything and everyone were pointing to the village chief’s house, Kaveh decides to check it out from up close. He strolls carefreely towards the building, but then suddenly stops in his tracks, and dives behind a nearby wall.

No fucking way.

He couldn’t believe his eyes. Out of the whole fucking population, in this whole of the goddamned Teyvat, it just has to be the one person Kaveh doesn’t wish to see the most, just walking out of the door of the one house Kaveh wished to take a better look at.

Seriously, and he means it from the bottom of his heart, screw you too, universe.

Why is he even here?

Alhaitham takes a few steps away from the house and stops, turning around. Albeit his burning curiosity, Kaveh hid even further away behind the wall, afraid to be seen. His heart beating so loud against his ribcage, he’s quite certain it’s threatening to give him away.

He holds his breath before leaning over the corner again to look. Why is he there? Did he meet up with Tighnari, and Kaveh’s whereabouts were disclosed, perhaps? Could it be he was there, looking for him? Kaveh feels his already wilding heart pound even faster, rising up as palpitations he could feel in his throat. It is short lived though, as at once he feels his heart fall to the pits of his stomach.

Alhaitham’s not alone. A person he’s never seen before takes his side.

Kaveh takes a better look. This guy looks younger than Haitham, he’s shorter too. His long blonde hair is neatly tucked behind in a long braid.

Cute.

He hates it.

A small, floating figure joins in, and if Kaveh had any doubts about the identity of this stranger, now they’re gone. The traveler.

He tries with all his might to listen in on their conversation, but their voices are hushed, and he can’t figure the conversation out, so he tries to look at the body language.

Haitham looks like his usual self, stoic, his poise unwavering. Perhaps it’s Kaveh’s imagination and light playing tricks on him, but he could swear he sees a shade of a smile as they keep conversing.

The effect it has on Kaveh surprises him. He’s burning with rage at this fucker’s grin. 

Your roommate is gone with no word, and you go off to take a stroll through the desert with some pretty boy? Doesn’t Alhaitham have some decency to worry, to be a little upset he’s gone? Really, Kaveh doesn’t ask for much.

Perhaps it never mattered in the first place that he left, Kaveh sulks. His asshole of a roommate probably had plans to leave for the desert, and it was completely irrelevant whether Kaveh was still in the picture or not.

It sucks. He sucks.

Kaveh can’t watch the unfolding in front of him scene anymore, and he turns away to leave, trying his best not to look behind.

He’s left behind once again, he knows it and it breaks his heart.

Did Kaveh leave on his own volition? Yes, but it was to understand what to do with the sudden realization that he loves this insensitive prick, not to play around with cute blondes in the desert. Kaveh shakes his head as if to chase this disturbing thought away. If this could only make the confusing feelings go away as well…

He crawls back to the inn’s diner, the proposed meeting place of his team. He’s way too early.

Kaveh contemplates for a minute, and orders up a cider. Perhaps it’s not as great as in Caravan Ribat, but it might as well have the same effect. He’s sure it won’t disturb their preparations in any case, he thinks as he chugs it up, feeling miserable. 

Notes:

Don't we just love how Kaveh always finds a different someone to be jealous of? I guess I just imagine him as the jealous type, one who always needs a lot of reassurance 🙃🙂 bet he's got a praise kink too... But I'm getting ahead of myself!

We're nearing the end of this one, I hope I can fit everything's that's on my mind in one last chapter! (Although I expect a delay for next update. I'm down with the flu (flu b, I checked!) I am working on 3 different academic papers and I have an exam on Thursday. Wish me luck 😭) I bet there would be an extra chapter though, I am not ready to let go!

Anyways, thanks for sticking by, especially you guys who comment their thoughts every week, you're giving this fic its life force! ❤️

As always, thank you Julz for your wise words and sparks of smart!

Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰

Chapter 10: Fellas, are roommates gay?

Summary:

The desert is a treacherous place, sand is not the worst thing one might find in their shoes after a night of neglect; scorpions are, if Kaveh has to speak from personal experience.

Just like, trust me on this one, okay?

Notes:

Story so far: After several indecent dreams, Kaveh comes to the realization he actually has feelings, the romantic kind, for Alhaitham, and of course he does the one logical thing and leaves in a hurry. He finds himself working on a project in the desert, surrounded by quite the good company, as he's still trying to figure his feelings out. Just before the expedition sets to leave Aaru village, Kaveh spots Alhaitham in the company of the traveler. Disappointed and quite upset, Kaveh doesn't make his presence known, withdrawing to the safety of his group with the unresolved feelings.

Thank you Julz for your beta🥰!

Kaveh wakes up with the sun, but that’s not quite enough to earn him a few hours of grace; He could shiver from the cold before sunrise for hours, but from the moment the sun is up, there's no sign of the cool desert nights. But no matter, for today is the day! After what feels like eternity of enduring the desert’s extreme temperatures and countless obstacles, Kaveh’s week in the desert is finally drawing to its close.

Kaveh opens his tent and squints in a futile attempt to block out the morning light, looking around for the shoes he's pretty sure he's left right there last night. He finds them a few meters away from the entrance; luckily, by this point he’s smart enough to flip and shake them before putting them on. The desert is a treacherous place, sand is not the worst thing one might find in their shoes after a night of neglect. Scorpions are, if he has to speak from personal experience.

He was right to do so, of course, and sand comes pouring from the white low-cut-boot he’s foolishly brought to the desert. As naïve as sand in shoes might seem, it evokes a non-proportional groan out of Kaveh. Sand. How much he hates sand. He never thought there was a part of nature he could despise as much.

---

They camped by the oasis. It was a beautiful place; quite a large body of water surrounded by various foliage, standing distinct and in contrast to all the yellow and orange of the desert. On the first day of their expedition, Kaveh breathed in relief at the sight of water. They’ve been walking for quite some time, wandering in the desert because of unclear instructions, or so the useless guide has claimed. Kaveh wasn’t in the mood for such absurdities, his mind was preoccupied enough with his roommate and the scene back in Aaru village. His stupid roommate. His idiot roommate whom he’s seen hanging out with some guy. For reasons beyond Kaveh’s grasp, it made him feel depressed, upset, betrayed even - all at the same time. Sure, he was a tad confused about the situation with his roommate, and he might've felt certain emotions, but did his feelings really run this deep? 

It wasn’t his first encounter with jealousy either, he was embarrassed to recall the scene he made at the time he thought Alhaitham was meeting with Forest Ranger Tighnari in secret. They’ve cleared up that misunderstanding between them since, and Kaveh was back to feeling secure by his side, but this here was different. 

Kaveh could think of two possible scenarios - Either Alhaitham planned this trip to the desert long before, thus, all along he meant to leave Kaveh in the dark, just like before. The other, not less probable option was him having a nice getaway with a new boyfriend. 

Both were infuriating and simply unfair. Worst of all, he didn’t have a right to feel anything, about either case. Wasn’t he the one to run away? In the end, no matter how much he pestered Alhaitham about it, he's never gotten a promise out of him he'd involve him in his dangerous affairs; moreover, he wasn’t his either, so, theoretically he was free to meet with whatever cute little blonde he wanted.  It was very similar to his last encounter with the unwanted emotions, only with a slight difference this time - now Kaveh could put a label on his emotions, to give them reason and legitimation; The fact he loved Alhaitham and he was jealous of his companion mattered little, though, not unless he could figure his own intentions and wants out. He found himself sulking about it, nonetheless. 

Kaveh hoped to give his gushing mind a rest, now that they've come to a halt, but soon he came to learn the oasis wasn’t as much of a quiet paradise as he'd hoped for either. First of all, the team discovered they weren’t the only living creatures drawn to the body of water, hence the scorpions. Second, and the most important part, albeit the trees, flowers and greenery, sand still managed to reach the oasis and disturb its residents.

On their first night in the desert, Kaveh managed to overcome the burden of not packing up any aromatic oils or bathing accessories in his hurry, and got into the cool water. It wasn’t terrible, in fact, the cool water against his slightly sunburned, pale skin felt nice. Kaveh let his hair down and enjoyed the rare, sacred moment of solitude under the stars. He’s come to the desert to prove something, to himself, to his roommate… Kaveh sank deeper into the water, only the tip of his nose staying visible. He ran away for a chance to think with a clear head, was this the moment? 

Even at his calmest, he had to admit he was still upset, and frankly quite mad at his roommate. 

Kaveh rose up a bit above the still waters, his wet hair lying heavily on his shoulders.

Love—

He moved the wet bangs away, sighing deeply. He’s been stupid enough to fall for his best friend, dumb enough to think that there was a chance he’d entertain him by reciprocating his feelings, silly enough to run away when everything became too much and completely absurd for fearing his own impulsive actions might have hurt his roommate.

Seeing Alhaitham so close with the Traveler, not even two days after their separation was eye-opening. Maybe there was nothing to think about, after all.

Kaveh shakes his head to chase the thought away. He’s being ridiculous again; so he’s seen Haitham with the boy, so what, it means nothing. Why is he so fired up about it, how come he feels such fire burning at his soul?

Love—

Why must everything be so complicated? Here he was, in the middle of the desert with a group of people he’s only just met, but even then he had to run into him?

Kaveh lifted himself up from the water, feeling heavy, but at least less of a stinky mess. Walking around half the day in the desert wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience; Kaveh’s body felt sore, he was pretty sure he got dehydrated judging by the way his head was pounding and there was a now permanent red flush spread across his high cheekbones and the bridge of his nose, caused by the sun. Yes, he didn’t have the wits to pack any sun blocking lotions either.

But at least he was clean, or so he thought for a few moments out of the waters. A light gush of wind blew his way and covered him head to toe with sand. In contact with the damp skin it became a muddy, sticky mush. Kaveh cursed under his nose and got back into the waters to get it off.

On his second attempt of getting out, Kaveh almost reached the palm tree he’s left his clothes to hang on, but then he took a miscalculated step and slipped on a well-covered by sand stone, comically landing on his ass.

He got up and looked at the print his buttocks left on the sandy pile. The way it looked so accurately curved into the smooth sand was almost funny to him. Almost. It could be amusing if he didn’t feel sand pressed in between his butt-cheeks.

Gross, really.

He got into the water once more, dipping his butt and head in, hoping it would be the last time for that evening.

Third time truly was the charm, and Kaveh managed to reach his hanging clothes, all dry and clean. The next time a gust of wind hit him in the face, he was already fully dressed and on his way to the bonfire. Kaveh sighed deeply, but not too deeply because he wouldn't want to inhale too much sand back, that didn't seem like a healthy option. He contemplated getting back into the waters but decided against it, he’d just have to learn to live with it. At least it wasn't sand in between his buttocks anymore… Or so he believed. He’d discover otherwise in just a few hours, for the winds and sands weren't only hitting humans, but hanging clothes all the same. 

“Kaveh, over here!” He saw Ma’asudi waving him over, to join them at the bonfire. He sat down right next to them and the bonfire’s warmth spread throughout his whole body, soothing his mind after a long day full of roommates, ciders and sands.

“Here you go, hope you had a nice dive!” Railah passed him a skewer of various mushrooms and meats. Kaveh looked fondly at the food, lightly chuckling under his nose as it reached him; he couldn’t help but to be reminded of the thematic dinner night Alhaitham had planned for them. Kaveh took a hearty bite off the mushroom cup and the next thing he knew he was almost choking on the bite as he was involuntarily reminded of the dreams he had that night; the ones involving Alhaitham and him in… Compromising positions. Damn those phallic looking foods, really. Looking sideways and around, it seemed like the rest of the team were too invested in the food and conversation to notice him anyways.

“Ahhh I miss my cat!” Railah suddenly exclaimed after a particularly large bite off the skewer, shaking Kaveh from his impure, wandering thoughts “Everytime I have chicken it reminds me of her.”

“That must be one interesting cat, if chicken reminds you of her,” Kaveh jokingly teased, joining in the conversation.  

“Surprisingly so, yes. She’s allergic, so every time I have some, I have to conceal it well” she chuckled, clearly reminded of some nice events “she’d always try to sneak some. It's all my roommate’s fault, she’s always too soft on her!”

“You roommate?” Kaveh asked, more surprised at this piece of information than one ought to be. He’s lucky that the flush can’t be no longer detected on his face for it’s way too sunburned, he thought. 

“Yeah… Roommate ” she cast a meaningful smile right at him. 

Kaveh wasn’t sure how to take the slight emphasis on “ roommate. ” Was it even there in the first place or was his mind playing tricks on him? He decided against inquiring further, if she wanted to, she would’ve elaborated on this herself. “Maybe you should bring some scorpion steaks as a souvenir, for both girls then?” Kaveh flashed a smile right back at her “we could use some pest-clearing at the camps too!” 

Railah laughed “We better find some hidden treasures I could bring back home with me while we’re here. I’m not sure I’ll be welcomed back with scorpion steaks, and I’m unwilling to sleep on the couch.”

Kaveh was about to come up with an answer to that when he was lightly elbowed in the ribs by Ma’asudi “how about you, eh? Have you got anyone to bring some scorpion-mystery-meat to, back home?”

Kaveh wondered if Alhaitham was even familiar with the recipes that would make the meat into something edible. Knowing him, he did. He could probably make a feast even, so perhaps it wasn’t that bad of a souvenir? He could benefit from it too! But how could he have them delivered without them going bad on the way… 

“Oh you really do!” Ma’asudi happily exclaimed, shamelessly pointing at him. Apparently, Kaveh’s internal dialogue showed on his face. “I wouldn’t have guessed that the renowned architect, The Sun of Kshahrewar, had a special someone back at home!”

Kaveh was quick to deny those groundless accusations “no, no way, it’s not like that at all! It’s just a roommate, a roommate!! There’s nothing special about that jerk, trust me ”

“Oh, a roommate, and a jerk! We’re having some exciting, grand revelations about your living situation, mr. architect!” Railah prodded him from the other side. 

“Now, hold your horses, there’s really nothing even mildly exciting about it, and not great either!” Kaveh protested eagerly “he’s a friend who’s also a roommate, nothing more or less to it” he concluded truthfully.

Right, a roommate… The truth stinged, Kaveh hoped they’d drop it, he wasn’t in the mood for more depressing thoughts.  

The team members laughed and let it go, quick to move on to tease another victim. They clearly did not see it as much of a big deal as Kaveh did. 

---

At least, the last night at the desert has come to an end. After making sure there were no hidden surprises of the desert’s fauna in his hanging clothes, Kaveh dresses up and walks to the water to wash his face from the remnants of sleep on his eyes. His week away from home is finally coming to a close and he has ambivalent feelings about the anticipated return to civilization. Kaveh has to admit he had a good time working in a group again, even if he didn’t think the planning of the new Akademiya’s desert-studies-branch-headquarters they were working on, to be that important.

They did a good job in the desert. Merely a week passed but they had a solid plan for the foundations, they studied the terrain and the limitations of the resources that were at their expense. Kaveh had quite the experience working on his designs, sketching and re-sketching them as he learned of the desert's ever-changing conditions. Finally, after going over the final design about a hundred times, he was sure he could leave his precious project in good hands and he’d only have to return to oversee it later.

It would do him good to be back home. Kaveh missed the green foliage of Sumeru city; above all he wondered if his own roses were doing alright. As fun as the company and the work in the desert were, he just couldn’t cope with the heat, sand and scorpions. He had to admit that his mind wasn’t as clear as he initially hoped for either. After witnessing how little fucks Alhaitham actually gave, this whole getaway felt silly, and so overly dramatic. He should just return home and act as if nothing happened.

Alhaitham isn’t stupid, though. He’d expect him to explain himself, no doubt. And what could he say? He’s left without explanation after spending the night by his side on impulse. He could never tell him the real reason he’s left, he couldn’t get mad at him for spending time with the traveler, and above all he certainly couldn’t tell him how much he’s been missing him and their life together while away. But maybe, just maybe Alhaitham wouldn’t even care enough to ask.

After saying their goodbyes and exchanging promises of future collaborations and friendly visits, Kaveh starts his journey home on his own.

The way to Sumeru isn’t exactly eventful, a few raging mushrooms aside. The plan Kaveh comes up with is pretty simple too - he’d just go home and try to act like there was nothing to it. For all he knows, Alhaitham was travelling, still. If he asks more questions, he could always say he was away, working on a classified project, it would only be half-a-lie too. 

As he’s getting closer to their house, more concerns arise. What if he gets there and finds the house unlocked? Does he just enter and greet Alhaitham like nothing ever happened? He's left his keys behind, he couldn't just act as if he's simply forgotten them, right? Or maybe he could. Not once Kaveh's forgotten or lost his spare key; in fact, it happened so often they've had a designated place to leave the housekey at, which was, of course, the rose-planters. The same rose-planters Alhaitham said he couldn't care less about countless of times, yet continued taking care of. To Kaveh's great distress, he couldn't find the spare-key there, though.

He throws the heavy bag at the doorstep and knocks, hesitantly. There’s no answer, not even after he gains some courage to pound on the door as if his life depends on it “Haitham!” he screams at the door “I know you’re there, Haitham, let me in!!”

“Oi Kaveh,” Kaveh turns around, red in the face from the frustration and the shouting, to see a familiar face. It was that scholar from the Akademiya, Khalil? Khalif? What was his name again? “Don't waste your sweat, Haitham should be at work right now, saw him in the library earlier” Khalid points at the general direction of the study. For more than one reason that Khalif annoys Kaveh. First of all, referring to Alhaitham by Haitham, really? Second, there was just something off about about him, something he couldn't put his finger on.

“No way, Haitham never works after 5pm!” how could Khalil, or Khaldun, whatever, even assume otherwise? Outrageous, really.

“That was before he’s taken over the Grand Sage's position, Kaveh, welcome home!” The bastard's smile is mocking, also there's something missing about him... And then it hits Kaveh, the dude doesn’t have his Akasha on, how strange. In all the hurry and running thoughts and concerns, he’s also forgotten about it. But wait, forget the stupid gadget, what did he just hear…?

“The… Grand Sage?” Kaveh repeats his words, shocked “what do you mean?”

“Well,” Khalif (probably) starts mumbling, hesitating, “you’ve been on leave for a few… Days. Some… Things occurred, meanwhile.”

“Things?” Kaveh tries to encourage the conversation; what thing could possibly make Alhaitham, the lazy Alhaitham, the looking for comfort over fame, glory and recognition Haitham, to take on such a grand position?

“Yeah like, changes in Akademiya positions, putting projects indefinitely on hold, termination of the Akash—”

Kaveh didn’t let him finish, this was too much to take in all at once “what happened to the Grand Sage, the real one?”

“I think you’d better hear it directly from the Acting Grand Sage himself,” Khaldun (nope, he doesn't really know his actual name, and frankly, nor does he care) nodded at the general direction of the study, “you could stay and wait here, sure, but it’ll probably take him a while to return, I mean, if he even returns today. He might as well pull another overnighter.”

Alhaitham? Overnighter? What the actual, and he couldn’t stress it enough, fuck?

Kaveh moves his weight from foot to foot, not entirely sure if he believes this wild story, contemplating if he should go see for himself or patiently wait there.

“Well, suit yourself.” Khaldun (?) waves goodbye to Kaveh and leaves his sight, clearly disinterested.

Kaveh hates it. Kaveh hates him, and his stupid hat and this stupid house and above all the stupid Alhaitham who couldn’t even leave him his key underneath the planter like he always does? He did remember to water his roses, that was one nice thing he’s done, but it just means he was there, and he moved them around. He always left the keys there, so why did he have to be annoying this time?

Kaveh groans loudly, throwing his heavy sack of useless shit at the porch and heads to the library. Alhaitham better have some good excuses up his sleeve, for this shit show. 

 

Notes:

-There was a sand-storm where I live last week, I think one could tell just how much I hate this shit.
-The dude's real name is Khaldun and he's an NPC from Sumeru city I borrowed for the story, much like Railah and Ma’asudi!
-Remember how I said this was going to be the last chapter? I lied. Not intentionally so, but I just couldn't fit all I wanted in one chapter. But next one is the last one fr fr! And I think I'll make it in a week or so:)
-Also sorry that I did not update in...2.5weeks? I had some rl shit and then I was so dissatisfied with the chapter I just had to rewrite it all! Hope it's a tad better now ^^;
-To that one sleep-deprived bookmark that left me the nicest comment today - I have no idea how to comment back on bookmarks so - I love you too, please get some sleep at 4:07am?? &thank you for making my week!♥

Kudos are much appreciated, comments might make me fall in love with you - take it as a threat or a dare.

Come say hi to me on Twitter! 🥰

Chapter 11: Fellas, I think it was gay after all!

Summary:

Through the dusky city streets, Kaveh is power walking his way up to the library. His brows knit, the hands closed into fists. That damn roommate, it probably didn’t even cross his brilliant mind to leave a key for him when he knows he won’t be back from work on time. And what could he even mean by “Acting Grand Sage?” What happened to the real Grand Sage, or every single other Sage for that matter; why Alhaitham, why the Scribe?

Kaveh is determined to finally have the answers to all of his questions. All of his questions.

Notes:

Thanks Julz for your comments and for tolerating me! 🥰

Through the dusky city streets, Kaveh is power walking his way up to the library. His brows knit, the hands closed into fists. That damn roommate, it probably didn’t even cross his brilliant mind to leave a key for him when he knows he won’t be back from work on time; he’d have a good laugh when he hears how Kaveh made a fool of himself, knocking on the door of his own place of residence in front of that… Khalid, too, probably. And what could he even mean by “Acting Grand Sage?” What happened to the real Grand Sage, or every single other Sage for that matter; why Alhaitham, why the Scribe?

The twinge of guilt he feels every time he thinks back on the rushed way he’s departed, and the feelings he’s left unresolved, is concealed behind the humiliation of being left in the dark once more and of the discomfort of being back in the city and still having sand up his shoes. His underpants too, probably. It’s all Alhaitham’s fault, his mind convinces him; for not leaving him a key, for not being home by 5pm, for sand up his ass and for his ignorance. Can he even imagine how long might all this sand take to get rid of? Could take days, weeks even! Perhaps he’d have to learn to live with it forever; Kaveh groans in frustration, walking faster.

On his determined walk, in the corner of his field of vision he sees people waving him over, probably wanting to start small talk, ask redundant questions, gossip mindlessly; he doesn’t spend a single glance their way nor does he stop, he wants to figure as soon as possible what the hell happened in his city while he was absent.

Kaveh comes in like a hurricane through the unlocked doors of the study, slamming the doors open and leaving them ajar behind him in his rage. Fuck those doors, screw Alhaitham for not deeming him trustworthy. Was the traveler really more dependable for whatever transition of power, or a coup, he’s clearly taken a part in?

He frantically looks around for him, feverishly running through the endless rows and piles of books, when finally he sees the familiar figure. The silver hair, gleaming softly with the green undershadow, is poking out from behind a heavy book. The rest of the Scribe is right there too, of course, comfortably sitting in a chair, elegant and regal as ever. Kaveh stops abruptly, looking at just how beautiful he is, how his usually pale skin is now sun-kissed – one could definitely tell he’s been traveling , his reading glasses poking just from behind… No, this is a crappy time to be admiring him, Kaveh takes a deep breath and then,

“ALHAITHAM!”

Kaveh can see his roommate’s gaze divert from his reading material and his pretty teal-coloured eyes open in a silent surprise. Just a moment later he hears a silent “hmph—” and watches him fix the spectacles on the bridge of his nose and go back to his book, completely dismissing his presence.

He’s doing this on purpose, it’s so much like this bastard, that beautiful prick he’s missed so much, to rile him up like this, “That’s quite the way to welcome your roommate back, after he’s been missing for a week” he spits at him, shamelessly.

“Oh, a roommate , is that so?” Alhaitham graces him with a solemn look, Kaveh feels chills running down his spine; what could that mean, wasn’t he his roommate, anymore? “If I recall correctly it’s been closer to two weeks now, or have you lost track of time, wherever you were roaming around?” His calm, accusatory tone is infuriating.

Honestly, Kaveh is not entirely sure how many days he actually spent in the desert, he’s just assumed it’s been about a week or so, since this is what the expedition agreed on, beforehand. “For how long or where I was roaming around is not the point,” he shoots at him, at the lack of anything better to say, “don’t you care about anything, or anyone but yourself?”

Alhaitham sighs and takes his reading glasses off, rubbing his eyes; too bad, they suit him well, Kaveh thinks. “Please, enlighten me, why should I care about anything, or anyone , for that matter?” He leaves his spectacles lying on the table, and without waiting for an answer, goes back to his book, his calm indifference doesn’t sound neither calm nor indifferent anymore. 

Completely absorbed in his head, for a second there, Kaveh didn’t consider the probable possibility that Alhaitham had every last reason to hate him now. He isn’t planning on leaving him homeless, is he? Because right, he didn’t tell him he was leaving or where he was going, but to be fair, he didn’t know the details when he ran away on impulse either. Kaveh decides to push this surge of guilt aside, and play his triumphant card instead.

“Just put down that worthless book and tell me what happened in the Akademiya!” It’s easier to discuss matters in which he knows he has the upper hand, focusing on his desert journey would only put him at a disadvantage.

Alhaitham graces him with a look from beyond the extravagant leather cover of his reading material once again, “it’s not just some worthless book…”

As if Kaveh could care about the worth of it. Alhaitham is a smart man, surely he knows just as much, so why does he choose to provoke Kaveh, why can’t he just answer honestly for once in his life? Kaveh contemplates if he should tell him as much but decides against it, trying to get serious.

“Listen, I came back today only to hear that the sages have disappeared!” Okay, so perhaps he’s only heard about the Grand Sage being replaced by one of a temporary position, but it doesn’t take a genius to understand that if the Scribe had to take over the Grand Sage’s position, there was something off with the rest of the Sages. Besides, if he’s been wrong Haitham would’ve corrected him on that, which he doesn’t, so, bingo.

The Scribe gives him a side look, still unwilling to let go of this stupid book. As Kaveh waits for an answer his eyes land on the slender fingers holding the book. He’s reminded of the times those fingers helped him plant his roses, of the dinners they’ve cooked, of the way they took care of… Kaveh shakes his head lightly, chasing the passing reminiscence away; What was it with him and hands? He doesn’t need these kinds of thoughts, he should hope Alhaitham gets a papercut, instead. 

“Oh? You sound surprised,” Alhaitham finally breaks the tension, “I thought you’d already know the inside story.”

Is he mocking him? Does he really think he’s been hiding behind Akademiya's skirt for the past week? (Or was it two weeks? Time seems to be working differently in the desert.) “Would I be here asking you if I knew? You’re the Scribe not me. So just tell me what you know already!” Kaveh hears his tone rising, his brows knit in a severe expression. His words are harsh, his attitude is childish, but he can’t seem to be able to hold back, what is it with him?

Alhaitham looks as unbothered as one can get, when he offers him almost offhandedly “Well, I almost became a sage.”

“Huh?!” Alhaitham? A sage? The Alhaitham who clocks out at 5pm sharp? The Alhaitham who’d rather have an easy life than a challenging one? Is this a joke? An alternative universe he somehow managed to migrate to during his stay at the desert, or rather all the sand he’s inhaled there has given him a permanent brain-damage, so he couldn’t comprehend reality anymore?

“Don’t sound too surprised now, Light of the Kshahrewar , chances are you’ll be appointed as a sage too.”

“Hmph,” Kaveh could feel the cynical sarcasm chilling him right to his bones; sure, he imagined Haitham could be upset with him, but he did not anticipate him to sound this… Cruel? And does he have to look this good doing so? He is tired and full of sand, he just wants to go back to them being friendly with each other, why is Haitham being so difficult? “Why do I feel like you don’t really mean it?”

Alhaitham doesn’t seem to be stepping down, “What makes you say that? Why would you question my heartfelt sincerity?” It is hard to read his tone; it doesn’t feel like him mentioning Kaveh being appointed a sage was a mockery, but he feels like it wasn’t said in a good light either. Alhaitham really is disarming.

“Maybe it’s because you’ve never said anything good about me before!” Kaveh blurts in the heat of the moment, his face painted with pain. It wasn’t entirely true, Alhaitham was never bad to Kaveh. He gave him a place to stay, he took care of him when he was sick, he endured his weird little jealousy scandals and made sure to protect him from harm… But he really never expressed any sort of appreciation of Kaveh’s virtues… Perhaps it was because he was lacking them? Deep inside Kaveh knows exactly why he said what he said. He feels worthless, and he knows it’s not the greatest time, but he wanted, just this once, for Alhaitham to tell him it wasn’t the case.

Even if it doesn’t quite reach his initial goal, at the very least it shakes Alhaitham up quite enough for him to get up, and leave his stupid book behind “Well, I share a similar sentiment…” he spits. What could that even mean? Wasn’t Kaveh always nice to him, wasn’t he a good roommate? He’s cleaned, and sometimes cooked, and he… Cleaned. But of course this comment ran way deeper than the surface, what could possibly bother Alhaitham as much? Kaveh is really working his brains out here! The fact he’s left? Please, he was over it in a day, he just can’t act like he cares now, he doesn’t get to do this! He was the one left behind, betrayed even… Just how dare…

“See? That’s why I hate discussing anything with you!” Kaveh doesn’t mean it. In fact, he’s enjoyed most of their discussions to date. Haitham is a smart, witty person, he’d always say what’s on his mind and you could always count on his honest opinion. So why is he being so difficult right now? Why is it so hard to be honest when he’s acting like this? And why did Kaveh just look down to see Alhaitham’s breasts staring back? He hates himself sometimes “Your ridiculous and arrogant attitude always gets in the way!” Kaveh keeps on speaking for the sake of speaking, he feels like he’s saying a lot of nothing.

“It seems like you really can’t stand my personality…”

What does his personality have to do with it? Alhaitham is not wrong, but not for the reasons he might be implying. Alhaitham is somewhat of a loner, a moody, secretive guy. Kaveh hates it, drawn to it and hates that he’s drawn to it. He hates the fact that he is the only one to see the softer, tender sides of Alhaitham; the side of him that might think of preparing a thematic dinner, the side that was so good at taking care of a sick person, that one that was so vulnerable when he was speaking about his sexuality… He hates his personality because he is the only one let in on it, but he also cherishes it, in his secret heart.

But this isn’t the time to get sentimental, “huh, what was your first clue?” he rolls his eyes at him. Kaveh really is that pathetic, huh?  

“Well, then you might as well move out of my house.”

He doesn’t really mean it, Kaveh knows him well enough by now to tell he’s only said it because he’s hurt. He is stupid, they both are so stupid for this exchange. Kaveh is stupid for igniting him up, Alhaitham is stupid because even though Kaveh’s annoying him on purpose he plays right into it.

The fact he’s about 98% sure Haitham doesn’t mean it, doesn’t stop Kaveh from slightly panicking about his position as a roommate and a, well, not an entirely homeless person. “Are you threatening me? Stooping to a new low I see” He didn’t come here to fight, he just wants answers, to know why was he left out of the loop once more… Above all, he wanted to set everything aside and tell Alhaitham “I’m home” and to hear him welcoming him back home. Was it too much to ask? “Ugh, and don’t change the subject,” yeah Kaveh, nice save from homelessness , he praises himself, bitterly “You, a sage? What a joke, the Akademiya might as well just close tomorrow!”

“Forget what’s been going on with the Akademiya, haven’t you been busy with your construction project?” Haitham’s arms cross on his chest, and Kaveh’s eyes open up in surprise. Does he know of it? Okay it’s not like it was a big secret and sure, the rumors of the Light of the Kshahrewar joining a distant branch of one of the Akademiya’s projects might’ve spread… Kaveh never thought of him as famous as he’s actually been “Tell me, when are you going to build yourself a mansion?”

Okay, he knows Haitham isn’t serious now, it sounds just like his usual teasing, only a notch meaner. “Don’t get me started...” Kaveh thinks back on scorpions in his boots, sand up his ass and, well, more sand up his ass and shudders. The fact he’s spent most of the time being upset with Alhaitham is about as calming as the sand sticking to his balls, too “I get angry just thinking about it” he utters through his teeth. 

“Sooo,” Alhaitham stresses the sound “what great building did our master architect work on this time?” The way he says it is almost inquiring? It’s the second time he’s mentioned Kaveh’s job now, could it be that's what's been bothering him? That’s right, how does it feel to be left in the dark, huh, Alhaitham? Kaveh thinks, maliciously. 

“Like I need to tell you, keep your nose out of my business!”

“No,” Alhaitham looks at him with such intensity it makes Kaveh swallow. Does he really feel it is his business too? Did he want in on it? Were their feelings actually quite similar? “I think we deserve to know. Where were you when Sumeru needed you most?”

When Sumeru needed me most … Was that really all to it, Haitham? Was it just wishful thinking to wonder if it was Haitham who needed him? Although he’s found a replacement quite fast, hasn’t he?

“I was in the desert for a large project,” Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a large project, but rather a passion project of a talented group of younger people from the Akademiya. Now that Kaveh thinks of it, he hopes their funds aren’t cut because of the recent events? “But considering Haravatat’s utter ignorance of architectural and aesthetic matters, you probably wouldn’t understand” he adds, spitefully, thinking of the friends he’s left in the desert. “Which is truly unfortunate! I can only pity the man who doesn’t understand the first thing about beauty and romance…”

“Well, while you were fiddling around in the desert, many people came together to save Sumeru from a crisis.” His tone is accusing, and for what. 

Perhaps Kaveh would’ve come and helped to save the day or whatever it was, but Alhaitham’s gone great lengths to make sure he wasn’t involved in this so-called crisis … How can he accuse him of running away while he was the one who’s never told him anything? He doesn’t make sense, the Scribe…“And you’d think I believe that,”

“Look, all you really need to know is that Azar and all his accomplices have all been overthrown.”

“Huh? What nonsense are you talking about?” For whatever reason, it doesn’t look like Alhaitham is about to provide him with more information, “nevermind…” 

Kaveh decides to ask around and he tells so to the nonchalant Alhaitham, who doesn’t care to even move a single facial muscle to accommodate his abrupt decision. “Nevermind…” not bothering to wait for an answer he leaves in a hurry, thoroughly disappointed and upset.

---

Under the full moon, on the chilly summer evening, Kaveh is sitting on the porch of his own residence like a beggar; tears begin to form at the corner of his eyes.

As curious as he is about the current political climate, he just doesn’t seem to find it in him to care anymore when he’s back in front of the heavy wooden doors, and he once more doesn’t have a key. In his heat and rush, he’s completely forgotten about it. They didn’t exactly share a pleasant exchange of words, and he was left with little answers and zero keys.

“Oi, Kav…” Kaveh is quick to run his fist over the dampness of his cheek, before looking up; an arm is outstretched to him. On instinct rather than out of his own volition, Kaveh takes it and he’s pulled right up from his sitting position.

“Kaveh…” Alhaitham is there in front of him, looking as calm as ever. Kaveh feels the already extinguished flame ignited anew from deep within; he wants to scream his frustrations in his stupid, handsome face, but his fire is quickly put out once more. Alhaitham dawdles, but when he speaks he is slow, collected, “I’m sorry Kav, for…” he’s careful with his words, “for whatever it was. Can we talk? Inside?”

Kaveh hesitates, but nods in agreement; not like he’s got endless options anyways.

“Listen…” he hears the doors close behind them, they’re finally alone. Alhaitham breathes deep and his tone remains calm, in a dangerous way “I understand your frustrations, but you’ve left, Kaveh. You didn’t take the time to explain yourself, you didn’t leave a note…” Kaveh wants to answer but his words are stuck at the back of his throat; He swears he just heard Haitham’s voice break. “You go missing for weeks only to come back unannounced and inquire about the Akademiya?” Alhaitham doesn’t make any redundant movements, but his defeated figure is pitiful in Kaveh’s eyes, he wants to embrace him so badly “do you have any idea how worried I was? So, care to explain, what’s really been bothering you?”

“ You are what’s been bothering me!” Kaveh’s voice betrays him as it escalates. His heart is making leaps in his ribcage, his voice is in shambles. It is too much; every single emotion from the past few months is hitting him in the face all at once. The embarrassment he’s felt because of his financial situation, the gratitude for being taken in and taken care of, the love he’s been cultivating in his secret heart, the jealousy, anger and contempt that are messing with his mind, even as they speak… He cannot hold it all in anymore.

“I’ve lost, okay?” Kaveh blurts at Alhaitham’s confounded face. Of course, Alhaitham has no idea what he’s so passionately screaming about, who but the idiot that Kaveh is would even remember such an insignificant exchange at the bar, on the night they became roommates?

“ Ohh so he says he’s immune to your charms, Kav! it smells like a game of 'Gay Chicken' to me! The first to fall in love loses !”

And now he’s lost, it was he who was the Gay chicken, or the general loser, he couldn’t care anymore, he just wants to get to Alhaitham, to make him understand… “You’ve taken me in, you didn’t give a rat’s ass about the stupid comments about this being strange from our colleagues,” Kaveh rants passionately.

“Kaveh…” Alhaitham’s mild tone in not enough to stop him, he should know that.

“You’ve paid for my drinks, gave me a place to stay, never asked for anything in return…” he continues, running on a single breath, as he’s rudely cut by the Scribe.

“You paint me in such bright colors,” Alhaitham smiles a tiny smile his way “I’m not that good of a person as you might think, Kaveh…”

Who does he think he is to talk like this about… Well, himself? “Here you go again, not that good of a person ,” he mimics his words, mockingly, “fuck you, Haitham!” Kaveh can feel his pulse rising up, pounding at the lateral parts of his neck. He's flushed and so angry, “after you took me in, you’ve even offered me a place in your own bed? How uncomfortable it must’ve been?” He wants to punch his poker face.

“You do understand I could’ve had ulterior motives the entire time, right? You’re not as stupid as you look…”

“You’re the one who looks stupid, stupid!” Kaveh hears himself, and even though he knows he makes little sense, it’s not like he can stop himself now, “Like fuck you’d have ulterior motives and do nothing about it right there, with me homeless and vulnerable?”

“No please, carry on,” Alhaitham encourages, clearly amused “I do sound like a decent person when you speak of me.”

“Decent?” Decent won’t just cut it! Doesn’t he understand just how much he’s saved his ass? Why would Haitham deny his generosity? “Just decent people don’t open their homes to…” he stammers, “f-friends.”

“Of course they do,” Alhaitham reasons, his face unreadable, “also, it’s okay, not like you’ve taken up much space.”

“Not much space? Half your armory is my Claymores!” he exclaims.

“Yeah about that, I hope you’re not really polishing those in both directions?” he snickers, snickers ! The bastard!

“I—” Kaveh is bewildered for a second there, but then recovers “Don’t change the subject!”

Alhaitham is annoyingly calm, “okay sure, go on.”

“You weren’t playing fair! You kept on indulging me, spoiling me… You took care of me when I was sick, you sheltered me from harm, no matter how much I pestered you…” Kaveh doesn’t notice the fresh tears that are making his vision blurry once more; everything already is a blur as it is, so how can he notice, really.  

Alhaitham takes a step closer and sends a thumb to wipe a tear away, “what are you crying about?

“I don’t know!” He exclaimed, because he doesn’t. He’s had it so good with Alhaitham, so why is he crying now?

Alhaitham moves forward, his arms extended, but Kaveh can’t have it now; he knows, if he’s to dive into the safety of his embrace he wouldn’t be able to tell him what’s on his mind. He takes a swift step back and tries to avoid Haitham’s insulted look, “When I saw you in Aaru village with your new boyfriend, I got so mad…”

“He’s not— Wait, what did you see?”

“It doesn’t matter!” Kaveh’s ecstatic, how come Alhaitham doesn’t see it? “You were leaving regardless if I was there or not, isn’t that the truth? You were planning on leaving me behind all along.”

“Well, yes,” Alhaitham admits without redundant hesitation, that ass-face “when I know you’re someplace safe, Kaveh.” 

“Running around with some pretty boys, and then you have the nerve to ask me where I was when Sumeru needed me? Who in Sumeru ever needed me, please.”

“I did. I needed to know you’re safe, Kaveh” his look stern “I was simply out on a mission with the traveler and others. Trust me, we never shared anything but a work-related relationship.”

Kaveh makes an exasperated sound, throwing his hands up, “See? I’m impossible, I’m doing the same thing again, like with Forest Ranger Tighnari, how can you stand me?”

Alhaitham smiles “It’s adorable, really.”

“I— Wha? Don’t ‘adorable’ me when I’m mad at you!” He exhales, defeated, “I guess I should go downtown and make those dumbasses betting on me to fall in love happy? Because I’ve lost. I’m a mess, I’m good for nothing… Hell, I can't even get one thing right and tell the one I love about my feelings like a normal person?”

“Kav, I—”

“No listen, when I saw you with Ranger Tighnari I hoped you’d both burn in hell,”

“Kaveh, wait, I—”

“I was so stupidly happy when you told me it was nothing, okay? And right now I couldn’t help but feel relief as well, with the traveler? I didn’t want to, but I— I think I’ve got my hopes up, when you told me you, y’know” Kaveh hesitates for a second “that you like men” he sniffles, averting his gaze.

“Kaveh…” Haitham sounds as if he’s not sure he is allowed to speak, frozen in place.

“No, you listen now!” Kaveh can’t let this spark of courage go to waste, “when we shared a bed, eventually I started wishing that you’d never get me a new one, when your lips touched mine, I wished they’d linger there, I’ve had dreams about you I can’t ever speak of!” He breathes heavily, everything he’s been mulling over for the past few months comes pouring out of his mouth, he’s not making much sense but he also doesn’t think he can stop himself anymore, “And I’ve missed you! I’ve missed you every day we were apart, so much it hurts. I have lost, Haitham, I have utterly and hopelessly fallen for you.”

Seems like he’s finally done it, he’s left his roommate speechless, all he manages is a weak “Kaveh…” once more. Alhaitham feels sorry for him, he just knows it. He wants to disappear, he doesn’t know where he’d sleep tonight, but sure as hell he needs to get away.

“I’m sorry, I’ve made such a mess, I’m such a mess… I’ll go. You don’t need to deal with this, with me, I didn’t mean to, I’m—” he’s cut, Alhaitham takes a step closer, looking intimidating. They are the same height, but for some reason Alhaitham is foreboding when he’s cornering him like this, he feels little, his stomach does a leap at this.

“Kav, please… Just,” Alhaitham sounds hurried, panicked. If Kaveh wasn’t feeling the need for the earth to swallow him right now, it sure could be quite the sight to adore “just listen to me, okay?” He grabs him by the shoulders.

Kaveh is trapped, he’s got nothing to do but to look up under his intense gaze, although he’s not entirely sure how it is physically possible (same height, hello?) but he doesn’t question reality when he simply nods once.

“Do you remember what your drunk ass told me on the night you moved in? Or the conversation we had when we walked home for the first time?”

Kaveh knows that his blank stare is enough of an answer for Haitham, so he doesn’t bother with words.

“You told me, ‘ thank you, and that you’d ‘ take me up on the offer .’ And then you added ‘ And I won’t lose !’ Like the idiot that you are.” Alhaitham doesn’t let Kaveh put in a word and quickly continues, “Remember what my answer to that was?”

Kaveh’s eyes open in wonder, because in fact, he does remember - ‘ I know you won’t ’ is what Alhaitham told him, back then. He didn’t think anything of it, he thought it was just a saying to pacify a stupid, drunk friend… But could there be actual meaning to it… No way? Kaveh feels his stomach fluttering.

“I see that you do remember.” Alhaitham smiles and then immediately pulls Kaveh’s hesitating figure forward and into a tight embrace. “You couldn’t ever lose because I’ve entered this game a loser” he speaks softly in his ear. Kaveh feels the butterflies in his stomach caught up in a tornado “you couldn’t be the first to fall in love, because I’ve loved you long before.”

His heart aggressively pounds against his ribcage, threatening to alarm the entire neighborhood. He tries to back off, he can’t have Haitham hear, or rather feel just how shameful his heart acts, but he’s pulled right back into his arms.

Why is Alhaitham telling him that, why now? Alhaitham was the most logical person he knew, why would the smartest guy he knows choose his useless self? Kaveh chokes his tears back, and weakly speaks, “no way…” he hides his burning face in the nook of his roommate’s shoulder, and continues his mindless rant, “you expect me to just believe that? It’s way too convenient, now, wouldn’t it be? Bet you’re just saying this because you don’t want me to sleep on the streets, but don’t you worry, I’ve got a place, I—”

He feels a light, comforting stroke on his back, “Kaveh, I told you before, I’m not that much of a good person as you might think.”

“But—” He takes a step back, not stopped by Alhaitham this time.

“I took your bed out on purpose, that much you know, but I could’ve offered you the couch, you know. I could take it myself too. Also, do you really think I sleep naked when you’re not around?”

“But Haitham—”

“When I showed you how to polish swords, that was such a blatant lie I thought I’d be caught for sure. I couldn’t help it though, I just, well, I guess I just enjoyed rubbing phallic objects with you.” Alhaitham winks at Kaveh, who kinda feels like he’s in a fever dream.

“I thought you were joking?” Yes, he was surprised that the stoic and serious Alhaitham possesses such a juvenile sort of humor, but he never thought there was anything behind such a joke.

“I was, sort of.” Alhaitham crosses his arms on his chest, making Kaveh look. Just great , exactly what the defeated architect needed, more breasts in his face. “I wasn’t joking when I kissed you that night, when you were sick though, you know? I know you weren’t asleep.”

“I—” The excuse of ‘taking his temperature’ sounds so dumb in his head now that Kaveh is at a loss for words.

“And when you said nothing about it the next morning, or you know, ever , I simply took it as ‘not interested’ and didn’t pester you about this.”

Kaveh still feels doubtful, this is all too good to be true, must be a catch somewhere; apparently it shows on his face.

“You still don’t believe me. Well then, let me fix this.” Kaveh doesn’t know what else could that man say to make it more convincing, didn’t he already say it all? “Go check out the note I left you when I went away, no way I could fake this now, right?”

Kaveh is not following, “what are you talking about, Haitham, what note?”

“Before I left on my mission, I was afraid you’d come back to an empty house and I… I won’t return.” This sends chills down Kaveh’s spine, the way he speaks of this possibility is so… Real.

He wants to scold him for getting himself into something so dangerous, he wants to slap him, how come ‘not returning’ was ever a possibility, but curiosity is taking over “where is it, then?”

“Right there, under your pillow, I left it there to make sure you’d find it if you’re home before I return to town…” Alhaitham gestures in the general direction of the bedroom.

Kaveh walks towards the bedroom, with Alhaitham behind him; he feels in a haze, breathing doesn’t come easy to him either, so he tries to cut the tension the best way he knows - banter, “And how’d I get inside if I came home before you did, exactly?”

“I left a key under the planters when I was traveling.” Alhaitham simply answers.

“But you couldn’t continue doing so, huh?” He gives him a scolding look.

“Maybe I wanted you to rush and see me the moment you return,” Alhaitham shrugs, his expression doesn’t let in on anything. How can he say such embarrassing things with a straight face?

Kaveh quickly turns away and walks over to their bed, afraid his flushed face would be discovered and mocked. His pillow is indeed right there, squashed right next to Haitham’s. Alhaitham has been sleeping in this bed, but he’s kept his pillow close by. How cute.

Alhaitham follows him to their bedroom. He stops at the entrance, leaning against the doorpost. Kaveh looks at him expectantly, but gets no words out of him, Alhaitham just nods once to indicate that he should flip the pillow.

Kaveh does just that and takes the crumpled little note. It looks like it’s been there a few nights, Haitham couldn’t have planted this little thing when he wasn’t looking so at least this much was safe. He opens it up. Not much is written, the handwriting is sloppy, rushed somehow. He looks at the note, reading it time after time, making sure the words his brain is getting are the correct ones “ I’m sorry, thank you. I love you -H. ” 

Kaveh’s brain does some loops, his stomach does as well, I love you – it’s right there, the words he wanted to convey, the words he’s been dreading. I love you – it’s real. He has zero excuses left, he has to respond to this, right? I love you – Haitham really did, didn’t he, for such a long time… Kaveh feels lightheaded, unbelievably giddy but also…

“Alhaitham…” Kaveh’s temper rising up as he’s crumpling the little note in a fist, walking towards his chilling roommate “What the actual fuck, Alhaitham, ‘ I’m sorry’ ?? What do you even mean by this?” Oh he is mad, he is furious, he is positively aggravated, “’ Thank you’ ?? It’s a goodbye note, you big jerk, you—!” He’s right there in front of him, he wants to punch him, but instead his fist softly lands on his chest, he feels like crying again, this is just so unfair.

“Well, it is a goodbye note.” Haitham takes his fist and gets it to his lips, lightly kissing it, “don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want it to come down to this” his other hand joins in to wrap around Kaveh’s tense one, soothing “but I wanted to make sure you won’t be left with questions.”

“I was supposed to understand anything from this lame-ass note? You couldn’t even address this note properly?” his voice breaks, and he feels his vision getting blurry.

“Kav, you have to understand, I was afraid for you to be associated with me in case we fail.” That jerk, of course, even after everything they’ve been through, he still thinks of protecting him first.

“How dare you think you may fail! And what are you thanking me for?” Kaveh is not taking his hands away, they feel too good in his.

Alhaitham is amused by his reaction “Just, for you, I guess?”

“Do you really mean it, the last part?”

“I never had a doubt.”

Kaveh doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t have neither questions nor doubts anymore. The intensity of his roommate’s feelings finally starts sinking in, making him feel unbelievably shy. He looks sideways as a thumb comes down to wipe a tear away from his cheek again. Alhaitham makes it easy for him, like he always does “may I kiss you?”

“What’s with the sudden formality,” Kaveh is pretty sure his heart is practicing for an audition as a drummer in a local band, “you’ve always done what you felt like, did you not?”

“I did not,” Haitham is a patient man, perhaps too patient, now Kaveh is painfully aware of this “trust me when I say, I won’t do anything that might make you uncomfortable.”

Kaveh is annoyed, and angry, and so happy and relieved, the buzz that’s fogging up his brain is making him levitate far more than the high he might feel because of lack of sleep or wine. He knows, it’s up to him, he can tell him he wants it, because hell he wants it! He’s been dreaming of this moment for months… But he’s out of words, he can’t even nod his consent. He wants it, he wants him, he wants it so much he doesn’t know what to do with all those emotions…

Alhaitham patiently waits for an answer, when Kaveh’s out of patience. He doesn’t answer, instead he’s quick to free his hand from Alhaitham’s touch, and slide it across Haitham’s nape. The light caresses make Haitham tremble. He’d like to believe this gesture made Haitham at least a little less patient; he pulls him forward, their foreheads meet, their eyes look in the depth of each other’s. Kaveh feels his breaths. They are hot, they are faster than his, even, he bets his heart is as much of a drummer right now as his own and strangely, it calms him down. Haitham loves him, he told him so, he wrote him so; above all, he showed him so, what is he hesitating for?

Kaveh smiles at him, Alhaitham smiles back and their lips connect. Alhaitham’s arms find their way to Kaveh’s back, holding on tight, fingers digging into the exposed skin of his back. Kaveh’s find their way from the nape down, along the muscles of his back. Kaveh always admired just how toned they were, how aesthetically pleasant they seemed… To touch them like this was exhilarating, he is finally allowed, not only allowed, Alhaitham leans into his touches, it is amazing.

Their lips barely touch at first, Kaveh feels like he needs to explore them thoroughly. He does just that, light touches, exploring tongue on the other’s lips. Their mixed breaths feel hot against his mouth and his roommateHaitham is lightly gasping against him; it’s the most intimate thing he’s felt in his life. It’s hot. He’s so eager… He coaxes Haitham’s mouth to open, nibbling lightly on his lower lip.

With every new sensation, Kaveh’s stomach leaps and swirls, his head is foggy but also hyper-focused, thinking HaithamHaithamHaitham and nothing more. Their tongues are just getting to know each other, and he feels cool fingers slide up and down his exposed spine and to his lower back. The sudden touch makes him make a surprised, hushed sound and Alhaitham lets out a little laugh against his lips, not backing down. It’s precious, the sound of his laughter. Kaveh pulls him even closer into a messy embrace.  

He climbs up with his hands and to the silver strands he’s often admired. He runs his fingers through his hair, feeling it smooth, silky, flowing in his hands, and pulls him closer to deepen the kiss.

It’s just too much, it’s too good, how is it allowed? A little moan escapes him, Alhaitham is fast to catch on and Kaveh feels him smile against his mouth. It’s hot and it’s a lot, Kaveh is not sure if he’d manage to convey his everything with his kiss, he just wants to scream at his roommate everything he feels all over again, but as expressive as Kaveh is with his face and words, so he is with his tongue.

He conveys the love and the longing with small pecks, his desire through the moans and how much he’s missed him with gentle bites. It hits him then, he’s kissing Alhaitham. He’s really kissing Haitham and he’s being kissed back with a tender but unwavering determination, with a want and a need that’s easily transcending through his skin and bones. He’s there, they are there in their house, in their own little world.

It's not a dream.

Alhaitham finally breaks the kiss, without letting go of him. He looks at him with adoration in his eyes and says, “you’ve loved me for a long time, haven't you?” Albeit what could’ve been his usual arrogance, he just states the facts, Kaveh knows this but it’s still annoying.

“Like hell I did…” Kaveh spits, looking sideways. He knows it’s the truth, but does he have to make it so… Blunt? 

“I’m sorry,” he holds him tight, “I’ve hurt you.”

“Like hell you did…”

“It’s been… A long day. Let’s go to bed, we can talk in the morning.” Alhaitham lets him go and Kaveh just stands there, frozen, is he saying what he thinks he does? He feels the blood rushing to his face. Fuck . Alhaitham casts him a look and suddenly he’s the flustered mess “Ahh no, not like this, I didn’t mean anything by it, Kaveh, trust me.”

“What are you even thinking about, Haitham?” Kaveh teases, relieved; perhaps a little disappointed, too. ”But can you perhaps sleep… Not naked this time?” Kaveh trusts him , sure, but he doesn’t trust himself or that he’d manage to sleep peacefully otherwise. He’d want to touch, now that he’s allowed. What he just had was an appetizer, and he was definitely hungry for the main dish, just maybe… Not today.

“Oh, you’re sleeping with me tonight? How bold!” Alhaitham answers, but when he sees Kaveh starting to mumble at a loss for words he’s quick to laugh, “I’m just teasing, of course you’re sleeping with me. All this time, I’ve missed you by my side, Kaveh.”

How can this man say such embarrassing things without batting an eyelash? Kaveh grunts in response, feeling a little foolish for being tricked like this. 

Painfully aware of every movement around the room and of every piece of clothing he’s deciding to take off, Kaveh gets ready for bed, when he takes his pants off sand comes, pouring out. “Umm, Haitham? I think I’ll need to take a shower first. It might take me a few… Days” he concludes.

---

They are lying huddled close together, even closer than usual on Alhaitham’s small bed. Haitham’s silver hair is resting on Kaveh’s outstretched hand, his finger is tracing the exposed skin of Kaveh’s chest.

“You’ve got some tan lines, did you notice that?” Well, a week or so in the desert, of course he couldn’t keep his pale appearance up, “it suits you well, the color.”

Kaveh hums in response, cuddling in closer.

“Perhaps I do know a thing or two about beauty and romance after all, who could’ve guessed.”

Kaveh laughs at his remark, his heart light for the first time in weeks. “Yes, yes you do.”

---

“Acting Grand Sage, sir, wake up!” Alhaitham opens an eye lazily, that’s right, he’s the Acting Grand Sage, he’s probably late for work and Kaveh… Oh that’s right, Kaveh!

Kaveh opens up the heavy curtains, letting bright light into the room, welcoming a new day, “you’ll be late for work, time to get up, and fix us some breakfast now, will you?” Alhaitham rubs his eyes and looks at him. The sun shining bright through the window behind his roommate is warm and bright, but it doesn’t even begin to compare to the smile of Light of the Kshahrewar, the light of his life .

He smiles back because he knows, It’s alright, they are going to do just fine, today, tomorrow and for as long as he’ll have him.

 

~The End~

 

Notes:

AHHHH I can't believe I've finished this! PHEW!
I stated this fic thinking how I can explore the basics, doing just a little bit every week (planned 7 chapters, 1k each.) But then I lost control over my fic and over my life so here we are!😊

-This last chapter I worked around canon a lot! The fic is not entirely canon-compliant but I tried sticking to it as much as the info we had at the beginning allowed me! It was definitely a challenge, but I hope it turned out okay?
-I tagged this fic as E, but maybe it ended up a bit M, even mostly T? It just felt correct for this point of their start of a relationship, I think. I do plan to write a spicy extra(s), no idea when, or if I'll post it as an extra chapter or a stand-alone, but if you're interested you better subscribe🙃
-Thank you dear readers for sticking with me this far, and giving my silly little story a chance! Your feedback means everything to me, and your comments are the fire under my ass to keep on creating! ♥ (Like, seriously, you could leave me a "😊" on the fic and you've already made my day. And I speak on behalf of many, many writers! You hold such powers, you wouldn't believe!!)
-Yes, I still do read the bookmarks, and I laughed my ass off at them! You're amazing, never stop commenting!
-I have future Kavetham/Haikaveh fics planned out, but my next one is probably going to be a Cynonari. I usually update on twt, you can find me there!

So for the last time this fic - kudos are much appreciated, comments might make me fall in love with you, take it as a threat or a dare 😘❤️

See you in next fics!

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